Is There a Parallel for Ronda Rousey?

Ronda Rousey destroyed another opponent this weekend. She's gotten so good that she doesn't even have to use her world class Judo skills to beat her opponents. She is now the best boxer in the division as well. She's stupid good, and it's nearly impossible to come up with a relevant comparison for what she is doing right now. Here is my journey to attempt to find a parallel for what Ronda Rousey is currently doing.

First, it was pretty easy to eliminate any athlete involved in team sports. Even at Michael Jordan's level of dominance, a team sport just doesn't allow for a single person to so totally dominate all of their competition.

After that, I looked at the most dominant athlete of the last 20 years, Tiger Woods. As great as Tiger Woods was during his prime, he basically would have had to have his performance at the 2000 US Open in every major for three straight years to be as dominant as Ronda Rousey. Tiger Woods was amazing, and he's not even close to Rousey.

Then I took the logical step of looking at MMA. The most dominant recent champions have been Anderson Silva and Jon Jones. Both guys were dominant, but they had some struggles against opponents. Anderson Silva ripped off 16 straight wins in the UFC, but in there, even he had times of mortality against guys that could put him on his back like Travis Lutter, Dan Henderson, and Chael Sonnen. Jon Jones has never been beaten, but Alexander Gustafsson gave him a lot of trouble, and he usually wins by picking his opponents apart, where Ronda Rousey steamrolls them.

If you want to go old school, you can look at a guy like Royce Gracie who did completely dominate from UFC 1-UFC 4. Until Dan Severn lasted over 15 minutes, nobody made it to the six-minute mark against Royce. Still, Gracie won purely with technique, where Rousey wins with not only technique but by also just being more physical than her opponents.

If I was going for an MMA parallel, the answer would have to be Mark Kerr. Kerr was not only a world-class wrestler who became incredibly adept at submissions, but then he quickly learned how to light people up on the feet and had absolutely brutal ground and pound. He destroyed every one of his first 11 opponents, where only one man was able to last past 3:04. He was the guy picked to rule over Pride. Obviously, that didn't happen, but even if you only count those first 11 fights, the level of competition that Kerr faced was usually not the greatest, where Rousey has been taking out the best of the best since her third fight.

And that brings us up to the most common comparison, Mike Tyson. As weird as this sounds to say about Mike Tyson, he wasn't dominant enough to be compared to Ronda Rousey. Even before he won the title, he got taken to decisions by guys like James Tillis and Mitch Green, who were solid gatekeepers but guys on a level that Tyson should have steamrolled. I will give Tyson credit as he avoided his toughest possible opponent in his prime with Evander Holyfield and Ronda Rousey has avoided her toughest opponent in Cyborg. The nail in the coffin is Tyson's loss to Buster Douglas. Douglas is basically the equivalent to Bethe Correia, a beatable opponent that is meant to showcase the champion in a foreign land. Tyson got knocked out by Douglas, Rousey took less than a minute to annihilate Correia.

After going through all of these greats, it would seem like I have exhausted all of the possibilities. But then I realized the answer was standing in front of me the entire time. I don't know how I could see around his blobby existence, but I managed to do it until now.

Of course, I'm talking about Steven Seagal. He has fought the best in the world and has always come out on top. But that's the thing, he had contemporaries like Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Jean-Claude Van Damme who had similar accomplishments, but nobody made it look easier than Seagal. He annihilated his opponents without breaking a sweat and hardly ever having a single mark on his face as a sign that he had been in a battle to the death.

Ronda Rousey is incredibly impressive, and in MMA, she has had to deal with a wide variety of opponents and situations, but it is nothing compared to what Seagal has shown in his fighting career. Just take a look at this highlight video that would even impress Miss Rousey.
Ronda Rousey is great. She is the female Steven Seagal, and there is no greater compliment than that.

The 11 Most Awesome Parts Of "Raw Deal"

Raw Deal is a movie made in 1986 that stars Arnold Schwarzenegger. This was the movie he made between Commando and Predator, my two favorite Arnold movies. I happened to come across it one day on Showtime. I watched about five minutes before deciding that I needed to get it on the DVR so I could watch it from the beginning. This turned out to be a great decision. It is not nearly as good as Commando or Predator, but it still has some awesome parts. Let's go through those. Also, for those planning on watching movies 26 year old movies, there are some spoilers in here.

1. It starts off with two guys playing Trivial Pursuit, because this is a thinking man's movie.

Guy 1: How many times was John Wayne nominated for an Academy Award?
Guy 2: Probably not enough.

And Guy 1 gave him credit for this answer in Trivial Pursuit. They were then all murdered, probably for being bad at Trivial Pursuit.

2. A villain made a guy stare in the mirror with a gun to the back of his head. Said, “So you want to be a witness, witness this.” Because he saw himself being murdered. That was totally badass.

3. Arnold is chasing a guy on a motorcylcle in his Jeep. It’s basically like Dukes of Hazzard meets Tokyo Drift, only with motorcycles. Motorcycle guy appears to get away, but Arnold knew a shortcut, and waited for him to drive by so he could set the road on fire with gasoline and his cigar. The plan works to perfection, and it is totally awesome. Let's face it, setting people on fire is always awesome.

4. Arnold’s got a nagging wife. She is only in this one scene, but it is definitely the best scene of the movie. It's probably one of the ten best scenes in cinematic history. Enjoy.


5. Some bigshot at the FBI reaches out to Arnold, because his son got killed. If Arnold completes his mission, he'll be back in the FBI. Arnold’s first order of business is obvious. He goes to a shut down power plant and basically sets off a nuclear bomb by setting that thing on fire. This seems like a pretty over-the-top of way of faking his death, but now he is free to infiltrate the mob. His drunk wife will probably be busy putting hilarious words on cakes.

6. Arnold is now slicking back his hair. He goes to a shady gambling hall looking like a high roller. He then acuses them of having a tilted craps table. He proves it, and then says, “Magic…or MAGNET!” while flipping over the table and then hauling ass on a bunch of bad guys. Somehow, nobody in an illegal gambling parlor has any guns handy. He then goes outside. The bad guys think it’s over. The bad guys are wrong. Arnold drives a tow truck straight through their building. And I do mean straight through. He goes in one side and out the other with no problems. There is no way that building was up to code.

7. Arnold goes to an exclusive, classy, gambling place and obviously just owns at the Blackjack table. I don’t know why he didn’t do this when he was a lowly sheriff, probably could have led a much happier life. He makes a ton of money, and then just hands all of his chips to the blonde sitting next to him

8. I would like to point out that there is nothing related to this scene later in the movie. It ends, and we accept what the P in Joseph P. Brenner stands for.


9. WARNING: They go to a strip club, and I’m like, wow, that broad is ugly. Then I realized they were in a crossdressing strip club, so, needless to say, I was happy I wasn’t attracted to any of the strippers. This would be a great time to trick a buddy into saying that the girl is hot, just so he isn't called a "Fagmo" for not liking strippers. That would be the mature thing to do.

10. Arnold blasts the window out of his car, and then proceeds to pop in a cassette, so he can play the Rolling Stones, “Satisfaction.” You bet your ass that he proceeds to go on a killing spree. He never even looks at his target, just points, shoots, and kills.

11. Arnold ends the movie by inspiring a cripple to walk. I’m not joking. You don't believe me? Well, let's go to the video:

Yeah, this movie is awesome.

The Five Dumbest Groups On Facebook

There are some questions that should never be asked.  One of those questions is why I thought of this post and how I found these groups.  Once you get over that question, you can then enjoy what I am going to present to you, because these groups are awe-inspiring.  To be eligible for this list, I must first have no idea how someone could come up with the concept.  After that, I have to be completely baffled on how people would actually find this group.

5.  girls get periods,pregnancy and pain & boys get food,football and females.
At first I thought this was anti-females, but it turns out that this is actually supposed to support the cause of females.  Look at their logo:

I'm baffled by this.  How is this supposed to be good for females?  And why would anyone join this group?  Yet, I look at this group and see nearly 500,000 likes for this group.  I already feel like driving my head through a wall.  Let's move on.

4.  Guns don't kill people. Dads with pretty daughters do
Um, ah, what?  I really thought that this group was dedicated to some news story that I never heard or cared about where a jealous father killed her daughter's boyfriend for fingerblasting her in the back of his Mom's Civic.  I have seen no evidence of this.  I'm pretty sure that this group was just started, because some loser started dating a girl who he thought was pretty (Due to the stupidity of this group, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that instead of describing her as pretty, I would describe her as beastly), and her Dad broke up the relationship.   Slowly but surely, this group gained momentum, and it is now over a HALF MILLION likes.  This has no basis in reality, and yet we are still over halfway to a million likes on this group.  God damnit, we are devolving as a society, and it seems to be happening at a rapid pace.

3.  ANY DICK CAN MAKE A BABY BUT IT TAKES A MAN TO BE A DADDY
Good God, is this really a necessary group to make?  I realize it's trying to be clever, but it doesn't make any logical sense.   You need balls to make a baby, as balls are a key component in making a baby.  Another key component to baby making:  A female.  I have never heard of any dick being able to produce a baby out of the blue.  The closest was the hit documentary, Junior, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger.

I never actually saw this movie, but I'm assuming it's comedy gold.  But it really bothers me that people actually find this group and feel it necessary to join it.  Oh well, I'm sure not that many people would feel the urge to join this group, oh fuck me, over 1.1 MILLION people like this group.

2.  ONLY JOIN if your name starts with A, C, D, F, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, S, T
More than any other group on this list, this is the one that makes me scream, "WHY?"  Why would you create this group?  What is this group's goal?  I have looked at this group, studies it, comprehended every possible meaning, and I cannot come up with any meaning to this group.  Why are the last six letters of the alphabet completely banned from this group?  I thought I had something when I started with skip a consonant, then skip a vowel, and go back and forth, but it falls apart when P, Q, and R are all skipped.  Don't try to figure out this group; it will only give you a headache.  But do you know how many people wanted to Like this headache?  Society is completely fucked as this group has nearly 1.3 MILLION likes on Facebook.  I seriously have no clue what motivates people these days. 


1.  I Believe That a Strong Relationship Is Not Based Only on Sex Life but That a Strong Relationship Builds a Strong Love Life That Leads to a Strong and Great Sex Life and Can Only Happen With Open Communication
Wow, this is truly the humdinger of all groups.  It is so ultra specific that there is no way possible for more than person to have this specific of a thought.  I mean, this specificity is literally blowing me away with its uncanny effort to be completely fucking pointless.  Looking at this group, there are two types of people that would come up with this group:
1.  A Virgin - He's never had sex and feels like he needs emotional love before he can give his flower up to someone.
2.  Guy With A Small Penis - This guy may have gotten laid, but let's just say, she wasn't impressed.  The person who created this group seems like he'd be into massively obese women, and he's just got to learn that you don't bring a paddleboat to the ocean bro.  His ultimate revenge was the creation of this group.  Nice job bud, you totally owned her.
With how ultra specific this group is, there is really no way that it isn't the least popular, but since I found it, you must figure that it must have at least 100 people in it.  It does have 100, it even has 1000, in fact, it has somehow managed to be at nearly 200,000 likes.  Maybe it's time I perform a self-lobotomy just so I am able to communicate through unintelligble sounds and drooling like the rest of society.


-Joe


P.S.  MC Vagina has a new song, it's incredibly lewd, which makes it amazing as always.  I'm still not sure if WMD or HIV is my favorite acronym: