What Would Men Do Without Sports?

This question never crossed my mind, because I didn’t know there were guys out there who didn’t like sports. Then I ran into real-life guys who had no interest in sports. I had always figured that, at worst, guys would have an interest in a borderline sport like soccer (I love pissing off soccer fans). But seriously, there are actually guys out there that have no interest in sports. I honestly don’t know what I would do with my life if I didn’t like sports.

When I’m at work, the only thing that gets me through the day is reading about sports in between the mundane and repetitive work that my job entails. I guess I could talk to the people I work with, but that is a situation I like to avoid as much as possible.

This doesn’t include all the time I spend watching sports on TV. Yes, there is a lot of good television on that does not involve sports, but just think about anytime you go out drinking. I went out for Cinco de Mayo, but also watched the UFC fights as well as the NBA, because the only alternative was talking with my idiot buddies. They’re great friends, but they are also much better in small doses.

Plus, how in the hell did people learn math without sports? Their teachers? Fuck that. I could multiply by 7s better than any other number, because of running up the score on Tecmo Super Bowl. I knew how to do division, because I needed to know how to figure out Kirby Puckett’s new batting average after going 3-for-4 in a game.

I honestly would have no idea how to push myself without sports. I remember being in junior high and running underneath the heater while bundled up in sweatshirts and sweatpants to lose that last pound so I could make weight for wrestling. I remember running sprints at the end of practice when my legs were screaming for me to stop, but to continue on through, not because I wanted to, but because that’s what you did.

Sports taught me emotion. The highest of highs and the lowest of lows almost always involved sports.  I remember watching the 2008 Cubs clinch the division against the Cardinals, and my buddies and I staying for an hour after the game just drinking and having a great time. It’s not always great. When the 1998 Cubs got eliminated from the playoffs by the Braves, I cried. I was fourteen years old, and I realize that that makes me look like a crybaby bitch, but I loved that team. RIP Rod Beck.

So what do guys do without sports? I actually found out recently. There I was, having a completely normal discussion about sports and the value that Hulk Hogan created in our society. They looked at me as if I wasn’t even speaking English. Then these two assclowns went back and forth on the Lifetime movies they like to watch. My jaw dropped. I couldn’t believe it. I wanted to tell them to get fucked. I wanted to tell them how worthless their lives were. I wanted to do society a favor and end them. Lucky for them, I needed to get back to my computer to see how my fantasy baseball team was doing.

See? Sports can even keep you out of prison.

Sports are the best.

Tupac's Hologram And The Simulation Of Human Emotion

By now, I'm sure nearly everyone has seen the Tupac hologram. It's pretty cool. Ah, who am I kidding? It's really fucking cool, but as great as the hologram Tupac is, what the hologram represents is actually far more interesting than the technology.

Hologram Tupac was created to get a reaction from the crowd at Coachella. It is a lot like acting. This isn't acting though, this is a simulation of what they think the person would be like to elicit an emotional response in the people who saw it.

They are simulating Tupac's emotions, and people find the simulation so real that they are moved themselves.
This is the future that every sci-fi movie predicts involving robots.

Machines are becoming more like humans, which has been a constant goal in technology, but this is a huge step forward. People now believe in this technology. They believe in it to the point where they can be emotionally invested in a Tupac Hologram. Their mind knows that it is not Tupac, but their emotions relay something very different. All Tupac truly is at this point is an animation, but the animation is so real, and people want to believe so badly that they are willing to believe in it. Even though they want this hologram to be an accurate portrayal, it is just a program made to elicit a response, and a damn good one at that.

If they can do this with Tupac, they can do it with anyone. Find a good enough programmer and people never really die. There can be no physical contact, but that seems like a temporary issue that will be resolved soon enough. It's insane to think how far they can take this.

Is it good or bad? Both, neither, hell, I don't know. But it sure is interesting.