Let's Talk About the 1992 Halloween Havoc Promo

Before we get started, please watch the following video. Note: You may think it's terrible, but trust me, it gets worse, so you need to keep watching (but the final two minutes are filler so skip that), as it is rare for anything to be this fascinatingly bad...badass that is.

That's a lot to take in, so let's try our best to break it down.

Jim Ross and Jesse Ventura
Not only two legendary announcers, but also them talking about Jesse Ventura's first political victory that would eventually lead him to become the Governor of Minnesota and get his own conspiracy show.

The Doorman
A doorman opens the eye slot and says, "Spin the wheel," so Madusa, who is on the other side of th door just has to figure out a rhyme for that and she correctly follows with, "Make the deal." I would fire this doorman.

The Crowd
The crowd is a group of degenerates that react to absolutely everything. They are basically like the live-studio audience at Saved by the Bell tapings, only these people are caught on camera and cosplaying a biker gang.

The Midget
He just randomly screams pointless stuff. He's the worst, but still an essential, part of this video.

The Interaction
Jake The Snake Roberts definitely outacts poor Sting by quite a bit.

But the big thing is how they interact with each other. It is clear that Sting and Jake Roberts were not in the same room. They had an idea of what the other one was going to say, but clearly not exactly as their reactions to the other one make ZERO sense. It's amazing. Jake literally tells sting he is going to make him wish he was never born, and Sting just replies with a, "You talk too much, get to the point." The point is that he is going to beat you so badly that you will wish you were never born, were you not paying attention?

Eye Explosion

This video epitomizes early 90s WCW. It's amazing.

The Trivago Guy Would Like To Have Sex With You

This is something that has been on my mind for a while, and I'm guessing that this has been on your mind as well, as how the hell can you not think about the Trivago guy? He wants what is best for you, for you to get the best hotel deal around, but does anyone think that this man has no ulterior motives? I mean, come on, the Trivago guy is clearly trying to have sex with you. And if you feel as if the "you" I am referring to cannot possibly refer to you, well, guess what? You're wrong, the Trivago guy loves sex, and he will sex you while getting you an excellent deal on a hotel.

The Trivago guy is known for great deals on hotels, but even more well known is that he has that smoky voice and seems to be a little too fit for a guy his age. Speaking of that, you could convince me his age was anywhere from 18-75. The question then becomes, does Trivago make you look old, or does Trivago keep you young? Is the Trivago Guy immortal? As you're contemplating these questions, this silver fox is plotting, as he tries to find a way into your pants.

The one thing you won't notice in his online dating profile is his height. I mean, are we sure he's not a little person?

Like, you assume that his shirt is just a little big, and his legs look just a little short. But can we be certain that the shirt isn't just a polo that drapes over his tiny body? Are those jeans or Extra Small Capris? Those shoes are a size 5 tops. He seemed nice looking in his online dating profile, and he did get you a really great deal on your hotel, so you give him some more time to impress you when you see this.

I mean, yeah, that is as derpy of a face as possible, but that is just the next step in his plan, ensuring that you underestimate him. Never underestimate Trivago Guy or the great deals you will get on his website. And are all those numbers even necessary? That's a lot of numbers, it looks like at least 30 different numbers up there. So numbery and confusing. Oh no, I'm fading fast...

Don't worry folks. That was just a dramatic interpretation of what could happen, as The Trivago Guy is passionate about trying to have sex with you, but he's still more passionate about making it easy for you to find great deals on hotels.

Trivago: Great for hotels, Awful for Abstinence.