Never Use Housekeeping

Whether it be for work or pleasure, I have traveled a fair amount in my day. And despite my white trash tendencies, I have stayed in some pretty upscale places. Those were all work related. I have also stayed in some dumps, because I'm a cheap piece of shit, and my wife has to convince me that maybe the Murder Inn is not the best place to spend an evening.

But through that time, I feel like I have learned some important lessons. The most important of these lessons is the relative worthlessness of housekeeping during your stay. Now, before I get going, let me say that they are VERY important between stays as I depend on them to not be lying in a mixture of blood, semen, and bedbugs. But once I get there, I really see no purpose in them coming in my room each day.

First off, I hate having the sheets tucked in. Seriously, who wants to be tucked that tight? I rarely wear shoes or underwear, because I am a man who needs freedom. Getting in one of those super tucked beds is one of the most aggravating feelings in the world. Nobody can possibly enjoy being tucked in like that. It is already too much of a struggle to get those sheets untucked. To have housekeeping come in and retuck might be too much for me to physically remove, and it is most certainly too much for me to mentally go through that struggle again.

Also, it's not like I need extra towels. Most of my trips to hotels are three nights or less. I can use a towel for three straight days without much stress. Even if I do need more towels or toiletries, I can get that separate without getting the whole housekeeping service.

Finally, I like my stuff where I leave my stuff. I don't need things moved around and put into proper places, because I like things laying around with no rhyme or reason as I thrive in chaos. I don't need things put in drawers and me having to search all around because a random woman, or man (I'm progressive), decided this was the best method moving forward. 

The only people that can justify using housekeeping are complete slobs who make the room into a shithole in a matter of hours and total sociopaths who enjoy the feeling of being tucked in. The former needs to clean up their act, and the latter needs professional help; not even housekeeping can save you from that.

Juan Pablo Is Clearly A Sociopath

Did you see The Bachelor last night? If you didn't, you should do that right now. I'll wait...okay. OMG, right? Andi made it to the last three and eliminated herself, because she realized that Juan Pablo didn't give a shit about her. This was one of the all-time great episodes of The Bachelor, as it was a fascinating look into personalities and how they can conflict. I've been on #TeamAndi since the first episode, so I would be on her side no matter what happened, but it's pretty clear that Juan Pablo is a sociopath, more specifically, he's Dennis Reynolds from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. We'll get to that later; let's start with my precious Andi.

Andi wanted to fall in love. That's why she was on this show. And she had some great times where it felt magical, because she got to go on ridiculously expensive trips and have dream dates all the time. Unfortunately, they used the fantasy suite to talk, and Juan Pablo only talked about himself and didn't show any concern for what type of person Andi is. He said he thought it was a great night (we'll dive into that more later), but Andi had one of the worst nights of her life. Because of that, she decided to talk more to tell him that he doesn't feel that he cares about her, which seems likely since he said that she was only there by default (Juan Pablo claimed that he didn't use the word default, but he also said that homosexuality was perverted, and I'm guessing he would deny using that word had it not been recorded). But Juan Pablo tried to be nice and say that it was okay that she was leaving. This angered Andi, and she kept badgering him. Was this the best move? No, it was not, but she had felt something for Juan Pablo before that, and she wanted him to show some sort of emotion. Juan Pablo did not give her the satisfaction, and she went in the limo and said she was still looking for true love. ABC, if she is not the next Bachelorette, I will be a one man riot.

Now onto Juan Pablo and why he is a sociopath. Juan Pablo has been very image conscience this entire show. I really feel that nearly every elimination has been calculated and not in the sense of love, but more in the sense of public perception. I could write a whole article about the order of women being eliminated from the show, but I'm not going to unless there is public demand for it. Still, last night was the definition of sociopathic behavior. I can tell, because I am like 90% sociopath (I control my emotions, but my wife has gotten through my hard exterior to make me more of a human being). The easiest way to sum up Juan Pablo's behavior is that he wasn't a human being, he was someone pretending to be a human being. A human being shows empathy, and when they make someone feel like shit, they feel remorse; instead, he told Andi it was okay and tried to put the blame on her. This obviously angered Andi, and the fact that he was a stone cold when it came to emotions definitely drove her a little crazy. He gave her absolutely nothing. And this, from a man, who has cried after eliminating like the last 8 girls, didn't give even a sniffle for Andi. In the acts of sociopaths, that was a work of art. I was impressed, because Juan Pablo basically showed that he's Dennis Reynolds.


And even after she had left, he said that he would not have let her stay even if she had wanted to. This is A+ work, because he is still trying to make it appear as if he was the one who dumped her. This is a total power play from him, and power is incredibly important to him. He doesn't want arguments in his life. This man is looking for a submissive wife, and his remaining two contestants fit that profile. Clearly, Nikki wins, because she met his daughter, so at that point, she was already the winner of the show. She's basically just a younger version of Clare with a better job, so yeah, Clare has no shot.

I am left with one question. Did Andi and Juan Pablo have sex? It's a fascinating question from both ends. Juan Pablo thought they had a great night, and if you are in a fantasy suite with no sex, that is not going to equal a great night. Replace boat with fantasy suite in this video, and you basically have Juan Pablo.


Andi said she hated the night, because of the talk, which would imply that they did not have sex. Still, they could have gone right back to the room, had sex, and then started to just hang out. Still, I'm leaning towards them not having sex. Since Juan Pablo is a sociopath, I believe it was a calculated move to talk about how great a night they had talking, when in fact, he was going to eliminate Andi for not giving up the nookie. He can't come out and say it wasn't a great night, because they didn't have sex, because that would set a bad example for his daughter, and the general public wouldn't like him as much. In the end, everything he does is part of the D.E.N.N.I.S. System.