Juan Pablo Is Clearly A Sociopath

Did you see The Bachelor last night? If you didn't, you should do that right now. I'll wait...okay. OMG, right? Andi made it to the last three and eliminated herself, because she realized that Juan Pablo didn't give a shit about her. This was one of the all-time great episodes of The Bachelor, as it was a fascinating look into personalities and how they can conflict. I've been on #TeamAndi since the first episode, so I would be on her side no matter what happened, but it's pretty clear that Juan Pablo is a sociopath, more specifically, he's Dennis Reynolds from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. We'll get to that later; let's start with my precious Andi.

Andi wanted to fall in love. That's why she was on this show. And she had some great times where it felt magical, because she got to go on ridiculously expensive trips and have dream dates all the time. Unfortunately, they used the fantasy suite to talk, and Juan Pablo only talked about himself and didn't show any concern for what type of person Andi is. He said he thought it was a great night (we'll dive into that more later), but Andi had one of the worst nights of her life. Because of that, she decided to talk more to tell him that he doesn't feel that he cares about her, which seems likely since he said that she was only there by default (Juan Pablo claimed that he didn't use the word default, but he also said that homosexuality was perverted, and I'm guessing he would deny using that word had it not been recorded). But Juan Pablo tried to be nice and say that it was okay that she was leaving. This angered Andi, and she kept badgering him. Was this the best move? No, it was not, but she had felt something for Juan Pablo before that, and she wanted him to show some sort of emotion. Juan Pablo did not give her the satisfaction, and she went in the limo and said she was still looking for true love. ABC, if she is not the next Bachelorette, I will be a one man riot.

Now onto Juan Pablo and why he is a sociopath. Juan Pablo has been very image conscience this entire show. I really feel that nearly every elimination has been calculated and not in the sense of love, but more in the sense of public perception. I could write a whole article about the order of women being eliminated from the show, but I'm not going to unless there is public demand for it. Still, last night was the definition of sociopathic behavior. I can tell, because I am like 90% sociopath (I control my emotions, but my wife has gotten through my hard exterior to make me more of a human being). The easiest way to sum up Juan Pablo's behavior is that he wasn't a human being, he was someone pretending to be a human being. A human being shows empathy, and when they make someone feel like shit, they feel remorse; instead, he told Andi it was okay and tried to put the blame on her. This obviously angered Andi, and the fact that he was a stone cold when it came to emotions definitely drove her a little crazy. He gave her absolutely nothing. And this, from a man, who has cried after eliminating like the last 8 girls, didn't give even a sniffle for Andi. In the acts of sociopaths, that was a work of art. I was impressed, because Juan Pablo basically showed that he's Dennis Reynolds.


And even after she had left, he said that he would not have let her stay even if she had wanted to. This is A+ work, because he is still trying to make it appear as if he was the one who dumped her. This is a total power play from him, and power is incredibly important to him. He doesn't want arguments in his life. This man is looking for a submissive wife, and his remaining two contestants fit that profile. Clearly, Nikki wins, because she met his daughter, so at that point, she was already the winner of the show. She's basically just a younger version of Clare with a better job, so yeah, Clare has no shot.

I am left with one question. Did Andi and Juan Pablo have sex? It's a fascinating question from both ends. Juan Pablo thought they had a great night, and if you are in a fantasy suite with no sex, that is not going to equal a great night. Replace boat with fantasy suite in this video, and you basically have Juan Pablo.


Andi said she hated the night, because of the talk, which would imply that they did not have sex. Still, they could have gone right back to the room, had sex, and then started to just hang out. Still, I'm leaning towards them not having sex. Since Juan Pablo is a sociopath, I believe it was a calculated move to talk about how great a night they had talking, when in fact, he was going to eliminate Andi for not giving up the nookie. He can't come out and say it wasn't a great night, because they didn't have sex, because that would set a bad example for his daughter, and the general public wouldn't like him as much. In the end, everything he does is part of the D.E.N.N.I.S. System.

It's Always Sunny in the United Center - Part One

The Chicago Bulls have been an awesome team to watch this year.  Even for non-Bulls fans, they may be the most fun team to watch in the entire NBA.  Between Derrick Rose making a few jaw-dropping plays every game, Joakim Noah hustling all over the floor, and Boozer crashing the boards for putbacks, there is a very high entertainment value involved with the Bulls.  Because of this high entertainment value, they will be honored in the greatest way possible, with a multi-part series on this blog.  Since any jerkoff can tell you that the Bulls are awesome, I will blend sports and pop culture when I compare the Chicago Bulls to the characters of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.  Today, I present part one.

Derrick Rose – Dennis Reynolds – I’ll admit that this was the toughest one to assign, because Rose is so much more awesome than anybody else out there that it’s tough to find the right counterpart on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.  Still, I focused on the leap that Derrick Rose has made this season.  Dennis began his leap late in the season last year with the D.E.N.N.I.S. System, followed by “implications” made in the boat episode, and had a catch with Chase Utley while advising us to just say yes.  Dennis has made the leap, and so has Derrick Rose as he has gone from “wow, that guy knows how to play basketball” awesome, to “you don’t change the channel when the Bulls are playing” awesome.    Seriously, if you haven’t watched much NBA this season, watch the Bulls as he is guaranteed to make at least two jaw-dropping plays during any game.

 

Joakim Noah – Charlie Kelly – This is a matter of anybody who watches them a lot loves every second that they appear on their television screen.  Much the way that outsiders think It’s Always Sunny is stupid if they only tune in for five minutes, fans of other NBA teams hate Noah.  Both of these types of people are morons.  Sure, both of these guys are out of their god-damned minds, but they do it in such a loveable way.  Plus, these are two guys that are willing to do the dirty work as Noah gets boards and plays tough defense while Charlie smashes rats and looks for treasure in the sewer.

Taj Gibson – Frank Reynolds – When everyone’s healthy, Taj is not a starter, just like Frank did not start off in the show until Season Two.  Although, he’s not one of the main four people, Frank’s impact is immeasurable, and I feel the same way about Taj.  Let’s face it, shooting guard is not a strength for this team, so Taj is definitely our fifth most valuable player.  Although, neither of these two have classic good looks, I smile when I see Taj smile, and I smile when I see Frank crawling out of a leather couch naked.   

And just like Frank helps Charlie with dirty work, Taj does the same thing for Noah.

Carlos Boozer – Mac – These two are both necessities for the success of their team.  They’re both versatile as Boozer can score from inside, but can also nail a jumper, while Mac can be funny with his physical humor and his wit.  Because of Rose’s presence, Boozer never gets top billing, but he’s also crucial nearly every night like Mac is crucial in every episode.  Rarely will you say that Mac totally owned an episode on his own, but it is rare when you won’t say that Mac and Charlie or Mac and Dennis, etc. were awesome in the episode.  If you team him with the right people, he is somebody who can dominate, but he will always have an impact, much like Mac does something important in every episode. 

Luol Deng – The Lawyer – These are two guys where you thought you would hate them, but the more you see them, the more you enjoy their presence.  The Lawyer has great versatility as he knows when to keep his cool, when to explode with anger, and also when to accept a challenge to a duel.  The same is true for Deng, as he has a decent jumper, plays good defense, and is always a solid contributor.  All the lawyer does is screw over the gang, but you still love him.  And let’s face it, everyone has wanted Deng in about 35 different trades over the last three years.  When you actually watch him though, he may not jump off the screen, but he’s essential to the greater good of the team like the lawyer is essential for the greater good of society.

That's all for part one; I'll be back tomorrow with more Bulls talk.

-Joe

P.S.  I know this has been all over the Internet, but I still don't understand how a beer can fill up from the bottom.