Jehovah's Witnesses Are Murdering Children

The Jehovah's Witnesses left me a brochure this past weekend. You know, a little reading material to help me find my faith. I really appreciated them doing that, but I was a little stunned at what I found. I never even made it to most of the brochure as I couldn't get past this dark, daring, and quite frankly, disgusting cover.

Yeah sure, it looks innocent at first glance, but look a little closer, and you will see a despicable scene.

It shows a child with a father (possibly mentor), as the father figure has brought two gifts for the child. The child grabs the big box first, just like the older gentleman wanted. The child is so excited to see what is inside, but he's not going to be happy about it. Judging by its size and the sadistic look on the father's face, that is clearly the severed head of Fluffy, the child's beloved pet rabbit.

After the child opens his first present. His previous elation will turn to a feeling of sadness and confusion. The father tells him that he understands his sadness, but the second present will explain everything. This one is smaller, and the child reluctantly opens it as the father looks on. He is relieved to not find any dead animals in the second box. All he finds is a blank piece of paper. He turns over the single sheet and reads a single word, "Run."

The child looks around confused but now the leash that his father possesses makes sense. They don't even own a dog anymore, so why would he have it? That isn't a leash at all, that's a choking rope, and the child knows that his neck is looking ripe.

As the child sprints away, he realizes why his father made him wear these ridiculous clothes. I mean, what child would possibly be caught dead in a mismatched Canadian Tuxedo with what I believe would be considered a Canadian tophat? But it's perfectly clear now. If the police find a murdered American boy, it's a huge story, but a murdered Canadian is just another day at the office. He imagines the officer will even make a joke about how "these Canadians are probably going to go extinct due to global warming, eh?" and laugh with all of his police officer friends. He gets angry at the hypothetical officer's joke, because it barely makes sense, and a better joke would be overdosing on maple syrup. But he can't think about that now as Jehovah is about to be the only Witness to his murder.

No matter how fast his little legs go, it's of no use. His father is gaining on him quick. The end is inevitable. As he feels the coarseness around his neck, his final thoughts are the wonder of what did he do wrong? What did he do wrong? As he prepares to take his last breath, the pressure lets up, and the rope is dropped to the ground. He has tears in his eyes, but once again, he has breath in his lungs. His father congratulates him, and the child smiles. He loves his gift.

As the picture asks, what is the best gift of all? The greatest gift is fear, as it means you will never betray your faith.

At least, that's what my interpretation of the photo was.

The Debut of the New World Order

The nWo is probably my favorite big pro wrestling thing ever. I mean, yeah, who doesn't love the Katie Vick saga, and Dr. D David Schultz calling Hulk Hogan a cross-dressing homosexual? Those are great small things, but the nWo is the coolest thing that pro wrestling has ever provided us.

But before it became too big and was half-filled with jobbers like Vincent and Horace Hogan, even before Hulk Hogan turned heel for the first time, before Big Sexy, Kevin Nash, joined up, it all started with one man, Scott Hall.

Before Hall even showed up, it was already a momentous occasion, as it was the first ever two-hour Nitro. Two-hour Nitros are hilarious in that no matter what is going on, they will shoot off fireworks the second that hour two starts. They literally just start blowing off fireworks in the middle of matches every other week, because they don't know how to time things out.

It was a solid show, but it was given an exclamation point with the appearance from Scott Hall. Not only did Hall make a surprise appearance, but he came out in jeans and a denim vest to let everyone that he is BOUT DAT LIFE.

Hall actually did a great job of making it seem like he was still with WWE. He made WCW seem white trash while referring to Billionaire Ted, Nacho Man, and Scheme Gene, names that all came from WWE's worst long-running gimmick ever, instead of using their real names.

I will say that Scott Hall struggled more when he confronted the announce team of Eric Bischoff and Bobby Heenan as he keeps repeating himself as he doesn't quite get his lines right the first time. Still, Bischoff and especially Heenan do a great job of selling it.

The next week, he shows up in the same Canadian Business Casual look. He basically says the same thing again, but this time Sting slaps him. He then says that he has a big surprise, and the rest, as they say, is history. Overall, it was a memorable first step, which led to one of the most iconic stables in wrestling history.

Oh, and if you're wondering what was going on at the same time on Raw. WWE competed with Goldust making out with Ahmed Johnson. That is the 100% truth, so...yeah, the Attitude Era, a true golden age of wrestling.