Fedor vs. Chael Sonnen Is Stupid and Wonderful

After the electric fight weekend that UFC 229 provided, both in and out of the cage, Bellator is following that up with not one but two cards. There are some well known fighters competing like Roy Nelson, Benson Henderson, and Kimbo Slice's son. The most important fight is likely Matt Mitrione vs. Ryan Bader as the winner will be the favorite to win Bellator's heavyweight tournament. But when it comes to Bellator, I don't care about importance, I care about freakshows, and Fedor Emelianenko vs. Chael Sonnen is my ideal freakshow fight.

Fedor's last impressive performance was in 2010. Most people would argue that it was actually 2009, but Fedor was whooping Werdum's ass before recklessly getting caught in a triangle choke. At the same time, his last impressive win may have been all the way back in 2005 when he fought Cro Cop in a legendary match. In between then and now, he's tattooed more cans than Campbell's (yes, I know that's a very forced joke and only semi makes sense, but it's my best an effort). That has led to Fedor winning six of his last seven, and the only one he lost nearly ended in a double knockout.

Meanwhile, Chael Sonnen is practically still in his prime as his last impressive performance and quality win happened just five years ago when he somehow choked out Mauricio "Shogun" Rua. I had completely forgotten about that, but damn, that shit is impressive. He is also on a two-fight win streak beating Wanderlei Silva and Quinton "Rampage" Jackson in fights that...happened. If I had to say something positive about them, I would say they were...televised? TV exposure is cool, I guess.

Anyway, I know I have spent the last two paragraphs shitting on these guys, but let me get to the point. I love both of them. In his prime, Fedor Emelianenko was a cyborg of violence who victimized his opponents without showing the faintest hint of emotion. his workmanlike attitude just added beauty to the violence he was inflicting upon his opponents. It was one of those things that you couldn't take your eyes off of, and his string of dominance to start his career is probably only matched by Jon Jones.

And then there's Chael Sonnen. Chael Sonnen is not a legendary fighter, but he will be remembered. Chael Sonnen nearly won two different titles with the UFC. His beatdown of Anderson Silva will always be remembered, as he was less than two minutes from a dominant decision win before getting caught in a triangle choke. He was actually closer to beating Jon Jones in their light heavyweight title match, although in a very different way. Sonnen got his ass whooped for four and half minutes before the ref stopped the fight, but had he lasted 30 more seconds, the ref would have had to call off the fight as somehow Jon Jones broke his big toe while whooping Sonnen's ass. It would have been the most Chael Sonnen way possible to win a title, and I am so disappointed it didn't go down that way.

Usually, it is uncomfortable to watch guys fight who are well past their prime, but I'm actually at peace with this fight. Chael Sonnen has somehow survived his long career in mixed martial arts without taking very many beatings, and he's smart enough to even admit that he is scared of Fedor's power as getting knocked out is not a great experience, especially for someone who really wants to avoid brain damage. On the other hand, Fedor is clearly a shell of himself after going through many wars in the cage and ring. Even when he won, he rarely exited unscathed. Luckily, Chael Sonnen is not the type of fighter to lay the hammer to Fedor. Even when Sonnen gets his opponent down, he plays it safe on top to maintain position and avoid submission which means that his ground and pound is closer to a pillow fight.

So what's going to happen? I actually see it as very close to Khabib/McGregor, in a much less skilled way, of course. Sonnen's wrestling should be good enough to mostly control where the fight takes place, but while it is on the feet, Fedor has the one punch power to end it at any time. Much like I leaned Khabib last week, I'll lean Sonnen this week, but neither outcome would surprise me. Even if the fight technically sucks, I'll still love it, because it's not about the fight, it's about the spectacle, and this fight will certainly deliver on that.

I Loved Tito Ortiz vs. Chael Sonnen

I am a sucker for the previous generation of mixed martial arts. I can't watch Michael Jordan nailing fadeaways in basketball, Glenallen Hill swinging for the fences in baseball, or, uh, Jim Miller? throwing that pigskin around at a competitive level anymore, but I can still watch MMA legends compete well past their prime. Bellator is delivering me those desired fights by matching up Tito Ortiz vs. Chael Sonnen.

I was never a big Tito Ortiz fan. His biggest run was during a pretty dark age for the UFC, and he had gone downhill by the time that MMA started to gain popularity again under new ownership and piggybacking off the success of The Ultimate Fighter. Still, he's an important part of the history of MMA, and he was known as a good trash talker back in the day. This man is a Donald Trump supporter who can barely string together a sentence, but he was able to talk circles around Ken Shamrock, who somehow managed to get worse at talking after spending years in professional wrestling.

On the other hand, Chael Sonnen was my jam. Sonnen played the part of the heel, and he enjoyed every second of it. Sonnen is incredibly intelligent, and he knows how to play the game and was the ultimate provocateur. He once accused the Nogueiras of petting a bus, because they thought it was a horse. I was nearly in tears at the ways that he insulted Brazilians, even though Big Nog and Wanderlei Silva are two of my favorite fighters ever. But when you were a fan of Sonnen, you kind of knew that you were in on the joke with him. None of it was said with animosity, and if you took it seriously, you had already lost. On top of all of this, he was a wrestler, and I have an incredible bias towards favoring wrestlers in mixed martial arts. He came incredibly close to winning titles in two different weight classes. Sure, everyone remembers how he was only a couple minutes away from completing a beatdown on Anderson Silva, but don't forget his match with Jon Jones. Sonnen got absolutely annihilated and finished in the first round, but had he lasted a minute longer, the ref would have had to stop the fight since Jones broke a toe while he was beating on Sonnen. It would have been the most Chael Sonnen win in history. Instead, we have Sonnen facing off against Ortiz.

Now was this fight objectively good? Oh, God no. But was it entertaining? Of course it was. Despite it being Tito Ortiz's retirement fight and a fight that is about three years after Chael Sonnen's retirement, I was still totally jacked to see these two fight. And for the two minutes that this fight went on, it gave me everything I needed.

Tito got some good shots in standing, looked to have a takedown but got outgrappled by the superior wrestler in Sonnen. Sonnen could have legitimately had a choke but didn't have enough confidence in his jiu jitsu to actually go all out for it. Then he did something stupid, let Ortiz mount him and gave up on the fight at that point. Ortiz finished him with a neck crank, because when things went south for Sonnen, there was no need for him to fight on; he already got paid.

Afterwards, Tito actually gave one of his best speeches for his retirement, and it's good that he goes out on "top" because he's an important figure who, with his delusions, will think that this cements his legacy, even though his legacy was decided a decade ago. Still, crazy people living in a world of crazy is the safest place they can be. Let Tito stay in his safe space.

What is most important for Sonnen is that he ran circles around Tito in the pre-match buildup, and that means he'll continue to get paid. We kind of knew that Sonnen was not likely to win the fight, and we'll likely know that he won't win his next fight. But I'll still watch. Because with both guys, winning the fight wasn't the main point. They were spectacles on their own. The fight was the sideshow.

Anderson Silva And The Art Of Showboating

When it comes to sports, I have a bias towards wrestlers. I loved Robert Quinn coming out of college, because he was a state champion high school wrestler. I loved Ray Lewis for the same reasons. I don't even know what level Deron Williams wrestled at before switching to basketball full-time, but I remember an announcer mentioning it while he was at Illinois, and I still support him, even though he has been rapidly declining. Never is this more true than in the UFC. In my mind, you need to have a wrestling background to be great, because without wrestling, you have no control of where the fight ends up.

I have always underrated Anderson Silva because of this. To be fair, he has gotten a ton better at wrestling, going from childlike to a poor wrestler. He's not going to shoot for takedowns, but his sprawl and underhook defense has gotten a ton better, and really, that's the only aspects of wrestling that Silva is going to need.

It's fair to say that my underrating Anderson Silva was a huge whiff on my sports predictions. It isn't the first, and won't be the last, but even though I have been wrong, it has been a blast watching him fight. Watching him strike from his feet is poetry in motion. It's so ridiculously smooth. There is nothing in this world that I can do as smoothly as he strikes, and that includes seducing the ladies. Win or lose this weekend, Silva's career is winding down, and we should appreciate all of the opportunities we have left, even if he is no longer in peak form.

My only proof that he may not be in peak form is that he is 38 years-old. Outside of that, there isn't much video evidence to suggest he has lost a step. Yes, he lost his last fight, but he got caught while doing what Silva does, believing in his skills to the point where he feels comfortable making his opponent look bad.

We have all been taught that showboating is bad. In most cases, it is. The showboating itself is not bad, but so few athletes can be so great that they are able to back it up. Anderson Silva is one of those amazing athletes who actually benefits from showboating. He demoralizes his opponents and kills all confidence with his showboating. Outside of the first Chael Sonnen fight, he has made his opponents believe that he was better than them in every other fight he has been in. He stands there with his hands down and easily dodges all strikes that come his way. At this point, his opponent feels helpless, and it is amazing how the energy can drain from an opponent who doesn't know what to do. Anderson Silva is the water; his opponents are the helpless swimmer. The harder they work, the more dire their situation becomes.

Don't fool yourselves. Chris Weidman has looked like an absolute monster in all of his fights, but by the second round with Silva, he looked beat. He was putting his head down and charging in for shots like the world's slowest bull. Silva dismissed him, as he should have, because all visual evidence was pointing to him being done. That all changed when one of Silva's dips mistimed into a left hook from Weidman, and all of a sudden, Silva was human again.

Michael Jordan stuck his tongue out, shrugged his shoulders, and shot free throws with his eyes closed. He didn't do this because it helped his game; he did it because he could. And mentally, his opponents were defeated before the end of the first quarter. Silva is that sort of athlete. He has such a myth around himself that his opponents are fighting a mental battle before they enter the cage. The showboating just puts the nail in their mental coffin.

As I said before, Weidman has been a beast in all of his previous fights, and the one time he didn't look like a beast, against Silva, he still knocked his opponent out. If he comes in with proper cardio and has his wrestling working, it's going to take something special for Silva to win. At the same time, I can't shake the feeling that we are going to see that classic Anderson Silva performance of easily rolling away from shots while effortlessly peppering his opponents with pinpoint striking.

I don't know what is going to happen on Saturday, but I know it's going to be special. If I had to make a pick, I'm going with Weidman. I have underestimated Silva throughout his entire UFC career (I thought Rich Franklin would win BOTH times), so why stop now? But this time, I will admit, there is a little piece of me hoping that I'm wrong, because getting another opportunity to see that sort of greatness is something I don't want to miss out on.

UFC 167 Predictions

Since it's the 20th Annivesary card for the UFC, I feel that I can grace the UFC with my picks and maybe give them some publicity to help out their brand. With the massive reach of this blog, I wouldn't be surprised if Dana White decided to send me some swag in gratitude of my effort. I'll review all the fights I have opinions on, so I apologize if you are a big fan of someone like Cody Donovan.

Sergio Pettis vs. Will Campuzano
I'm very excited about this fight, as Sergio Pettis is basically being labeled as a smaller version of his brother, Anthony Pettis. Campuzano is a solid fighter but has struggled against top-level competition. He may have the experience advantage, but I'll take Pettis in the first round via TKO.

Erik Perez vs. Edwin Figueroa
The UFC wants Perez to succeed, so they have given him a favorable matchup. Expect him to bounce back from his loss to Mizugaki with a highly entertaining TKO in the first round.

Rick Story vs. Brian Ebersole
Rick Story is one of the most interesting fighters in the UFC. Not that his style is super exciting, but in that he beat Johny Hendricks and Thiago Alves in back-to-back fights and looked on his way to a title shot. Then he got dominated by Charlie Brenneman, lost to Martin Kampmann, and has then gone back and forth between wins and losses in his last four fights. Ebersole has tremendous size for 170 (and tremendous chest hair for any weight class), and I think he can counter Story's wrestling to take a decision.

Thales Leites vs. Ed Herman
Remember when Leites fought Anderson Silva for the title? You don't? Consider yourself lucky, because it was awful. He got released and won enough on the independent scene to get called back up. Ed Herman isn't the most athletic guy in the world, but he knows how to pressure opponents. I think this match is super boring, and we see a lot of clinch work, but I don't think Leites has what it takes to get the takedowns and finish the fight, so let's go with Herman by decision.

Donald Cerrone vs. Evan Dunham
This is my pick for fight of the night. Both of these guys go all out and are not afraid to fight in all aspects. I would give Dunham the edge on the ground and Cerrone the edge on the feet. Cerrone's wrestling has gotten leaps and bounds better than it was in the WEC. Because of that, I think he does enough to keep distance and outstrike Dunham in an exciting, back and forth decision.

Josh Koscheck vs. Tyron Woodley
I see the exact same fighters in this match. Tyron Woodley is a wrestler who can occasionally land a big right hand and put people out. Koscheck has been doing that for years. But Koscheck is the much more decorated wrestler, and he has been more impressive using his wrestling in MMA. He has lost 5 of his last 10 fights, but one was a split to Hendricks, one was to GSP, and he got caught a couple times by Robbie Lawler and Paulo Thiago. He only really looked bad against Alves, since GSP makes everyone look bad. Meanwhile, everyone started freaking out when Woodley knocked out Jay Hieron, but he looked awful against Nate Marquardt before that, and he lost a decision to Jake Shields who hasn't been all that impressive since coming over to the UFC. I'm not on the Woodley bandwagon, so I'll take Kos by decision.

Rory MacDonald vs. Robbie Lawler
I'm taking Rory in an easy win here. I know that Lawler has looked good since moving to 170. His win over Koscheck is a good win, but it's quite a step up from Bobby Voelker to Rory MacDonald. His only loss was to Carlos Condit, and had the fight been 10 seconds shorter, he would still be undefeated. The dude has just ran through everyone, and I don't expect that to change, as he gets a submission in the second round.

Rashad Evans vs. Chael Sonnen
I'm an unabashed Chael Sonnen supporter. I picked Sonnen in his first fight against Anderson Silva, and I am still bitter over him losing that one. If you recognize that Chael Sonnen is a pro wrestling character and not a real person, he's wildly entertaining and totally fun. I also love wrestlers in the UFC, so Chael has a lot of things going for him in my mind. Rashad Evans is a good fighter. I want to be clear about that, because I am about to tear apart his entire career. It just seems like he has fought everyone at the right time for the best chance to succeed. He fought new era Tito Ortiz twice and manged one win and one draw out of it. He fought Liddell after Chuck had lost a step. He fought Rampage after he lost a step. He won the title by beating Forrest Griffin, who, let's face it, has a lot of heart, but also may be one of the least talented champions in UFC history (he was a champion; that's still amazing). He also fought Phil Davis before Davis had progressed enough in striking. In his last three fights, he's beaten a 42 year-old Dan Henderson, and looked terrible against Jon Jones (everyone looks terrible against him) and Lil' Nog, which is not as easy to explain. Rashad is good and taken advantage of opportunities, so good for him, but I say his luck runs out and Chael gets the victory.

Georges St. Pierre vs. Johny Hendricks
Is Johny Hendricks a legit contender to GSP's title? Yeah, he's earned the shot, but unless GSP treats him like Matt Serra, I don't see a great chance of Hendricks winning tonight's fight. Out of his last five fights, he has won three decisions, two of them split decisions. I do think he has gotten better as time has gone on, especially the two years since he won a split decision over Mike Pierce, but it was just a year ago that he barely beat Josh Koscheck. GSP beats everyone by decision which makes people underestimate how great he is. He is not squeaking by in these decisions, he is dominating, just not finishing. It is another fight where people are doubting GSP, but there's no need to. GSP will outstrike Hendricks on the feet, and the only guy I see having a chance to outwrestle him in the welterweight division just got released by Bellator. GSP is great, and he's still going to be champ after winning all five rounds against Johny Hendricks.

Chris Weidman Will Beat Anderson Silva

The title says it all, but I will expand a little on my thoughts. Not only will Chris Weidman beat Anderson Silva this Saturday, it is not even going to be much of a fight. Anderson Silva is incredibly dangerous, but Weidman is literally the worst possible matchup for Silva.

1. Silva Hates Wrestlers.
We can all agree that Silva struggled the most with Chael Sonnen, especially in their first fight. Weidman is currently a better MMA wrestler than Sonnen. He dominated Mark Munoz with his wrestling, and Munoz was a NCAA National Champion. He is that good.

2. Silva's Ground Game
So Silva is facing a better wrestler than Sonnen; he's still dangerous off his back. Silva is somewhat dangerous, but his submissions are slightly overrated. He's pretty methodical in his setups, and he always tries to attack one side. Weidman not only has great submission defense, his submission offense is pretty damn impressive as well.

3. All It Takes Is One Mistake.
This is true. Silva is an incredible striker. It's amazing to watch him, but if he expects Weidman to go for a spinning back fist like it's a good idea, he's got another thing coming. In the first fight against Sonnen, he not only got dominated by wrestling, but he got oustruck by Sonnen too, because he consistently put pressure on him. Sonnen dominated the first round of the second fight against Silva, and he could have been fine had he not slipped on his spinning back fist attempt. But that's the thing with spinning back fists. They're great when they work, but they can also make people look really stupid. Expect Weidman to use more traditional striking techniques to set up his takedowns.

4. Weidman By Decision?
No. Silva is not going to last five rounds with this guy. My heart is telling me one thing, while my brain is telling me another, but I'll go with my heart and say 2nd round TKO (my brain has Silva lasting until the third). Yes, Silva's an incredible striker, but Weidman is his kryptonite. Dan Henderson could have beaten Silva had he stuck with a gameplan of taking Silva down. Sonnen was two minutes away, but he was tired and got lazy with submission defense. In the second fight, he went big and was sent home. I don't see any of those three pitfalls affecting Weidman, and that is why he is going to give Anderson Silva the beating of a lifetime.

Other UFC 162 Predictions:
Frankie Edgar over Charles Oliveira - Going with the wrestler.
Tim Kennedy over Roger Gracie - Should be able to outstrike Gracie.
Mark Munoz over Tim Boetsch - Not a big fan of either guy, but I'll continue my theme of going with the wrestler.
Cub Swanson over Dennis Siver - Cub is too dynamic in all aspects of fighting.
Andrew Craig over Chris Leben - I pretty much always pick against Leben.
Norman Parke vs. Kazuki Tokudome - I predict these two will fight. That's all I know.
Gabriel Gonzaga over Dave Herman - The UFC really hates Dave Herman, because they just keep putting him up against guys who are really tough fighters.
Edson Barboza over Rafaello Oliveira - Bad night for the Oliveiras.
Seth Baczynski over Brian Melancon - Just cuz.
Mike Pierce over David Mitchell - Mitchell saved his UFC Contract last fight; he won't be so lucky this time.

Chael Sonnen Will Beat Anderson Silva

The biggest fight in the UFC for this year is happening on Saturday when Anderson Silva defends his title against Chael Sonnen. The trash talk may be overshadowing the fact that this should be an awesome fight. Although many people rave about the first fight, it was really more shocking than great. Watching Chael Sonnen beat up Anderson Silva for 23 minutes was fun, but it was really just watching a better fighter beat up on somebody who wasn't on his level. I was one of the few people who believed Chael would beat Silva in their first fight, and my opinion is unchanged. Chael Sonnen will be crowned the Middleweight Champion on Saturday night.

Anderson Silva is a great fighter. There is no denying that. He has beaten everybody that has been put in front of him since he got to the UFC. Chael Sonnen's resume does not match up to Anderson Silva's. Looking at this matchup on paper, Anderson Silva will definitely win. However, this ain't no paper fight, and Chael Sonnen will beat Anderson Silva. He might even make it look easy.

I was born and raised in Iowa. That fact alone makes me a better wrestler than most. When I came out of the womb and the doctor was trying to cut the umbilical cord, I put him in a whizzer, because I thought he was going after my whizzer. Chael's not from Iowa, but a little thing like wrestling on the US Olympic team gives him honorary Iowan status. Wrestling is the martial art of the USA, and it's really effective against people who don't know how to defend it.

Anderson Silva is a poor wrestler. He is training down in Brazil which just shows that he is not taking this fight seriously. You know who's a good wrestler out of Brazil? Nobody; they all suck. They think a double leg is a style of pants. If he was serious about being the best he could be, he would train in the US, where he could train against wrestlers. 


Some would say that his jiu jitsu is so great that he can be taken down in the fight and still win. Although it did work out in the first fight, if he was that good, he wouldn't have let Sonnen beat him up for four and a half rounds. He went for the same move for the entire fight, and the triangle is definitely his go-to maneuver in a fight. He telegraphs what he wants to do, although I think he is very good at maneuvering his way into getting what he wants, even if he isn't sneaky about it. I really don't think Sonnen has to worry about being swept, because Silva has never shown great aptitude with leverage.

So then we have the people who believe Silva will be better in this fight, because he is 100% for it. But what documentation of an injury do we have outside of Anderson saying he had a hurt rib? A hurt rib is not an injury, it's some pain in your torso. I once bruised my rib while I was training in MMA. It hurt like hell. I told my coach about it, and he looked at me like I was the biggest pussy in the world. He was right; I am a giant pussy, but I still never took a day off, and after my coach made me realize what a pussy I was being, I never made another peep about it. Anderson Silva has been talking about his hurt rib for two years.

I understand that Chael Sonnen rubs some people the wrong way. I think he is awesome, personally, but even with my bias thrown out the window, it is really tough to make the argument that this guy is an asshole. Yes, he has talked a lot of trash about Anderson Silva, but he has also had matches with Brian Stann and Michael Bisping between his last fight with Silva. He had nothing but nice things to say about Stann, which is pretty easy, because Brian Stann is an American hero who is a really nice guy who does great things for veterans. Also, everybody hates Michael Bisping, and Sonnen still did not go out of his way to talk trash. He just hates Anderson Silva. That doesn't make him an asshole, that makes him human. We all have those people that we just don't like; it's just that Chael is open and honest about it.

Also, Chael Sonnen is a really good fighter. He's the best wrestler in the middleweight division, and his striking is very underrated. Honestly, it is tough to come up with a guy who can beat him, because Anderson Silva ain't that guy. Get ready for the greatest fighter in the Middleweight division to take his title, and don't expect him to give up that title anytime soon. Long live the title reign of Chael Sonnen.

My Genius Idea for the Iowa-Iowa State Trophy

Luckily, the shitty trophy above will not be awarded to the winning team (Iowa) when Iowa and Iowa State face off in the Iowa Corn Cy-Hawk Series.

There are many ideas out there for a replacement trophy for this game. They could create a trophy with Nile Kinnick (an American hero) representing Iowa and Jack Trice (a murder victim) representing Iowa State, but they'd probably have to be arm wrestling for corn, and it would end up looking shitty and making everybody regret that idea. Let our heroes die in peace.

Instead, let's try something different. As happy as I am that Iowa Corn has chosen to change the trophy, I feel like they missed a golden opportunity with the backlash against this trophy. They don't have enough time to create a new trophy for the game, so ideally, they would be inventive. What I propose is that they actually keep that monstrosity of a trophy for the winners of this year's game. But instead of them hoisting it high above their head in jubilation, they also get a sledgehammer to smash the thing to pieces. Smashing things is awesome, and I guarantee the players would be excited to give that trophy its proper burial.

But they'd still need a trophy for next year's game. Don't worry, because I've already given them the perfect idea. All they need to do is get Triple H's signature (optional) and get it bronzed (preferable), and the sledgehammer that smashed that old shitty trophy becomes the reward for winning the Iowa Corn Cy-Hawk Series.

Yes, I am brilliant.

-Joe

P.S. Chael Sonnen in cartoon form; this is also brilliant.

UPDATE 8/25: Just thought of this, make the hammer part look like corn on the cob. Boom! Now all parties are satisfied.