I Had a Blast in Vegas...I Hope I Never Go Again

So after the fiasco of Iowa laying an egg at the Rose Bowl, there was only one thing to do change my luck: Drive four hours to Vegas. You're not going to believe this, but it didn't work. But that doesn't mean that I still wasn't able to make the most out of it.

The four hour drive was fairly miserable, mostly because my friends listened to country music the entire way, and now that I'm not a stupid high schooler, country music is complete garbage and should not be listened to by adults. But then I got there and started drinking, and that is the most reliable way to feel better. Oh, another really nice thing was when we were able to get in our hotel room, as a shower probably helped even more than the Bud Lights (judge me if you must, Natural Light wasn't available).

After I got cleaned up, it was basically time to go check out UFC 195 as our buddy, Tony Sims, was going to be fighting on the card that night. Although there were about 15 of us going, only three other guys wanted to go early with me. We walked in and went to our seats, which were of course nosebleeds. I quickly decided that these simply would not do, so we moved down to the third row into some empty seats. It is a way more baller way to watch fights.

We got to stay in those seats until the final three fights, which was bittersweet, as they were great seats, but it unfortunately gave us a great view of seeing our buddy get caught in a guillotine. After we got kicked out of our seats, we had to move up 25 rows, but we still had a great view of seeing a first round knockout by Stipe Miocic, and then one of the best fights in UFC history between Robbie Lawler and Carlos Condit. That fifth round was one of the craziest things I have ever seen, as I was literally jumping around and started hugging strangers when it was over, because none of us could believe what we had just seen.

Props to Tony for keeping his sense of humor and meeting up with everybody at a bar called Losers at Mandalay Bay. The unfortunate part was that it was a country bar, but at least there were two single, Australian women for a half dozen guys to hit on and be denied by. It really hammers home one of the best parts of being married is never having to hit on women. This was evident as the women asked me if I was married, and I said yes, ending any possibility of seducing them or them seducing me. Still, in my mind, I can assume that I dashed their hopes of hooking up with a Bonafide American Stud, even though they were likely just making small talk.

Luckily, I had two buddies that were tired of a place called Losers with overpriced drinks and wanted to go to the club where Tony had a VIP table. Even if he wasn't going, there was no reason we couldn't go and enjoy some free booze and scantily clad ladies in cages. When we got there, it was really fun, but that was simply because of the free alcohol. Like, you could have given me free booze in a dive bar with convicts, and I could have at least as much fun. At 31 years-old, I am not a club guy. Still, I did start to get down, had one girl who thought she could get down better than me, and then I proceeded to twerk her right off the stage. She was obviously impressed with the power of my dance moves, and also that I was dedicated enough to harm a girl with said dance moves.

Outside of the booze and booty shaking, my highlight was having a conversation with a guy who looked like the bad guy from Daredevil; he knew all of the girls that worked there, so I'm going to assume that he was an evil mastermind, and I was a pawn in his plan to take over the world.

After that, my buddy played some Craps, and I took advantage of more free drinks. After that, we headed back to the hotel, ran into people at McDonalds and took down some sausage burritos for sustenance. I usually hate McDonalds, but them having Sausage Burritos at any time can be really clutch when you are drunk and just need something that will help you not feel like shit the following morning. Bless you, Sausage Burritos.

It was 4:30 AM when we got back to the room and passed out. Then I woke up at 6:00 AM to catch my flight. Shockingly, I did not particularly enjoy my cross country flight back to Florida, especially since my body has decided that that I will never be able to sleep on an airplane.

This was by far my most positive Vegas experience. I had a great time, and I still felt a little empty when it was all said and done. Although free drinks are one of my favorite things in this world, gambling and glamour just don't do it for me. I can make the best of any situation, but Vegas is at the absolute bottom of places I want to see again.

I wish my friends would give me an excuse to go to Austin.

UFC 167 Predictions

Since it's the 20th Annivesary card for the UFC, I feel that I can grace the UFC with my picks and maybe give them some publicity to help out their brand. With the massive reach of this blog, I wouldn't be surprised if Dana White decided to send me some swag in gratitude of my effort. I'll review all the fights I have opinions on, so I apologize if you are a big fan of someone like Cody Donovan.

Sergio Pettis vs. Will Campuzano
I'm very excited about this fight, as Sergio Pettis is basically being labeled as a smaller version of his brother, Anthony Pettis. Campuzano is a solid fighter but has struggled against top-level competition. He may have the experience advantage, but I'll take Pettis in the first round via TKO.

Erik Perez vs. Edwin Figueroa
The UFC wants Perez to succeed, so they have given him a favorable matchup. Expect him to bounce back from his loss to Mizugaki with a highly entertaining TKO in the first round.

Rick Story vs. Brian Ebersole
Rick Story is one of the most interesting fighters in the UFC. Not that his style is super exciting, but in that he beat Johny Hendricks and Thiago Alves in back-to-back fights and looked on his way to a title shot. Then he got dominated by Charlie Brenneman, lost to Martin Kampmann, and has then gone back and forth between wins and losses in his last four fights. Ebersole has tremendous size for 170 (and tremendous chest hair for any weight class), and I think he can counter Story's wrestling to take a decision.

Thales Leites vs. Ed Herman
Remember when Leites fought Anderson Silva for the title? You don't? Consider yourself lucky, because it was awful. He got released and won enough on the independent scene to get called back up. Ed Herman isn't the most athletic guy in the world, but he knows how to pressure opponents. I think this match is super boring, and we see a lot of clinch work, but I don't think Leites has what it takes to get the takedowns and finish the fight, so let's go with Herman by decision.

Donald Cerrone vs. Evan Dunham
This is my pick for fight of the night. Both of these guys go all out and are not afraid to fight in all aspects. I would give Dunham the edge on the ground and Cerrone the edge on the feet. Cerrone's wrestling has gotten leaps and bounds better than it was in the WEC. Because of that, I think he does enough to keep distance and outstrike Dunham in an exciting, back and forth decision.

Josh Koscheck vs. Tyron Woodley
I see the exact same fighters in this match. Tyron Woodley is a wrestler who can occasionally land a big right hand and put people out. Koscheck has been doing that for years. But Koscheck is the much more decorated wrestler, and he has been more impressive using his wrestling in MMA. He has lost 5 of his last 10 fights, but one was a split to Hendricks, one was to GSP, and he got caught a couple times by Robbie Lawler and Paulo Thiago. He only really looked bad against Alves, since GSP makes everyone look bad. Meanwhile, everyone started freaking out when Woodley knocked out Jay Hieron, but he looked awful against Nate Marquardt before that, and he lost a decision to Jake Shields who hasn't been all that impressive since coming over to the UFC. I'm not on the Woodley bandwagon, so I'll take Kos by decision.

Rory MacDonald vs. Robbie Lawler
I'm taking Rory in an easy win here. I know that Lawler has looked good since moving to 170. His win over Koscheck is a good win, but it's quite a step up from Bobby Voelker to Rory MacDonald. His only loss was to Carlos Condit, and had the fight been 10 seconds shorter, he would still be undefeated. The dude has just ran through everyone, and I don't expect that to change, as he gets a submission in the second round.

Rashad Evans vs. Chael Sonnen
I'm an unabashed Chael Sonnen supporter. I picked Sonnen in his first fight against Anderson Silva, and I am still bitter over him losing that one. If you recognize that Chael Sonnen is a pro wrestling character and not a real person, he's wildly entertaining and totally fun. I also love wrestlers in the UFC, so Chael has a lot of things going for him in my mind. Rashad Evans is a good fighter. I want to be clear about that, because I am about to tear apart his entire career. It just seems like he has fought everyone at the right time for the best chance to succeed. He fought new era Tito Ortiz twice and manged one win and one draw out of it. He fought Liddell after Chuck had lost a step. He fought Rampage after he lost a step. He won the title by beating Forrest Griffin, who, let's face it, has a lot of heart, but also may be one of the least talented champions in UFC history (he was a champion; that's still amazing). He also fought Phil Davis before Davis had progressed enough in striking. In his last three fights, he's beaten a 42 year-old Dan Henderson, and looked terrible against Jon Jones (everyone looks terrible against him) and Lil' Nog, which is not as easy to explain. Rashad is good and taken advantage of opportunities, so good for him, but I say his luck runs out and Chael gets the victory.

Georges St. Pierre vs. Johny Hendricks
Is Johny Hendricks a legit contender to GSP's title? Yeah, he's earned the shot, but unless GSP treats him like Matt Serra, I don't see a great chance of Hendricks winning tonight's fight. Out of his last five fights, he has won three decisions, two of them split decisions. I do think he has gotten better as time has gone on, especially the two years since he won a split decision over Mike Pierce, but it was just a year ago that he barely beat Josh Koscheck. GSP beats everyone by decision which makes people underestimate how great he is. He is not squeaking by in these decisions, he is dominating, just not finishing. It is another fight where people are doubting GSP, but there's no need to. GSP will outstrike Hendricks on the feet, and the only guy I see having a chance to outwrestle him in the welterweight division just got released by Bellator. GSP is great, and he's still going to be champ after winning all five rounds against Johny Hendricks.