Matt Riddle and Grabbing the Brass Ring

Matt Riddle might be my favorite wrestler. Picking a favorite wrestler is more difficult than picking a favorite child, because I can flow from various guys depending on what is most current on my mind, whereas picking a favorite child is easy, because I only have one. Riddle is not only a phenomenal talent in the ring, but he was incredibly nice to everyone when I met him at a show before he got signed by WWE. Maybe the most awesome thing about him is that he really doesn’t give a shit. He proved it by continually smoking weed while in the UFC, he did his own thing on the independents and bounced around as opposed to signing exclusively with one company, and now he’s in the WWE where he very freely speaks his mind.

And WWE does not seem to be a fan of that.

Riddle is outspoken, and I can totally understand how that can rub people the wrong way. As a coworker, I might find him annoying, but even though he is ungodly talented, he also must be an incredibly hard worker to be this damn good at professional wrestling. He started calling out Brock Lesnar three years before he even stepped foot inside a WWE ring. Why? More like why not. If he would have put on a t-shirt that one of his goals was to retire Jinder Mahal, he would have just been seen as a dick, because he could probably very easily do that. Go for the biggest star in the business, and worst case is that it never happens but you get people talking.

So he did that and became a very sought after free agent. New Japan came very close to bringing him out for a tour which may have sped up the WWE’s decision making on bringing him into NXT. All he has done since joining NXT is put on awesome matches and became one of the most popular guys on the roster.

Oh, and he also continued to challenge Brock Lesnar...and Goldberg, and Chris Jericho, and Lance Storm, and kind of Booker T. I think that’s everyone.

So they finally put him in the Royal Rumble match which would have made total sense if he had finally squared off against Brock Lesnar. Instead, they waited for Lesnar to be eliminated and then brought him out, only to have him eliminated in a minute by Baron Corbin. Apparently, there was an “altercation” between Lesnar and Riddle before the show, but I feel like WWE could have convinced Lesnar to take a little offense and then eliminate him in a minute. Same end for Riddle but a way more exciting moment for wrestling fans. But instead they chose to punish him by bringing him out only to have him quickly eliminated to slam on the brakes for any main roster momentum that he might have.

And this is the problem with the WWE. They want guys to take chances and risks and become stars on their own and not depend on the machine, but when a guy like Riddle actually goes out and does it, they get mad at him because he didn’t do it through the right channels. Riddle was challenging Lesnar on the indies; it was a fun thing, but it’s not like anybody expected Lesnar to invade Washington Hall at some random Defy show in front of 500 people to actually take on Matt Riddle.

So now the WWE is telling NXT stars to not call out anyone on the main rosters, just creating a Matt Riddle rule to deal with things, because the WWE knows they have a special talent in Riddle so they can’t ever release him, no matter what he does. AEW would back up a Brinks truck in order to get Riddle on their roster, and they’d have Impact, ROH, and New Japan fighting to do the same thing.

So, you have Triple H who understands he has a generational talent on his hands, and Vince McMahon who only understands that some shitstain in NXT made Brock Lesnar unhappy, so he must be buried, even though he did that by grabbing for that brass ring and getting himself over where people would talk about him in a main event light, exactly what Vince McMahon preaches for young talent to do.

Hopefully, this is just a temporary blip in his career and not a grudge that the powers-that-be hold against him for no observable reason. Living down in Florida, I would selfishly like to see him stay in NXT for much longer as getting to drive five minutes to The Minnreg Hall in Largo, Florida and seeing the King of Bros put on a show is a pretty stellar Friday night. But I’m also a believer that people who are great at things deserve to be compensated for it, and this guy is a can’t miss star so I hope the WWE gives him tons of money to dominate in front of millions of people every week. This guy is BROver, and you’d have to be a BROfoon to not realize that.

I Wish WWE Treated Legends Like NJPW

The New Japan Tag League is one of their least impressive tournaments. NJPW really shines when it comes to single matches, but tag matches are often treated as filler, and even though these matches were better than filler, most are designed to further a story rather than give you a memorable moment. Still, there were many takeaways from the tournament in setting up Wrestle Kingdom, but maybe my biggest takeaway was the difference in how NJPW and WWE treat their legends.

In short, old dudes look like old dudes and they get absolutely owned. They have true legends like Nakanishi and Nagata teaming up while Tenzan teamed up with Kojima. Although these names probably aren't well known to American fans, these dudes are legitimate legends in Japanese wrestling.

Nakanishi won the World Title once and was a tag champion three times. Nagata won the World Title twice and the tag titles twice. It should also be noted that someone really hates Yuji Nagata as the man also had two MMA fights. He fought Fedor Emelianenko and Cro Cop. They literally called Cro Cop, "The Pro Wrestling Hunter" when he was announced to the crowd. It was awesome.

And this is nothing compared to Hiroyoshi Tenzan who won the World Title four times and the tag titles TWELVE times. Kojima won the World Title twice and the tag titles seven times.

Dudes just get their asses handed to them. There were 14 teams in the tournament, and these teams finished 11th and 13th respectively. Oh, and I should also mention that the last place team was made up of young boys who NEVER win matches and went 0-13 in the tournament. Tenzan and Kojima finished ahead of one legitimate team, although legitimate is a term I use loosely as it had one legend in Togi Makabe teaming with Toa Henare who was not good enough to win the C Block Championship at the G1 this year. Legends get respect in Japan, but they certainly don't get wins.

Now how much better would WWE be if they incorporated the same philosophy? Instead of legends kicking ass, they would rightly get their over-the-hill asses kicked. Wouldn't wrestling be better if the following two scenarios played out?

I would love a world where Kane and The Undertaker tagged up and got actually taken to the woodshed by Lucha House Party, and people were legitimately surprised if they got a rollup win against The Ascension.

Wouldn't it be better if Triple H tagged up with Shawn Michaels just to get absolutely ragdolled by The B Team, and then you would actually be excited when they used their veteran guile to overcome The Singh Brothers.

You can't tell me that this alternate reality wouldn't be better than the one we are currently living in. And if you're asking, the answer is yes, this is just a long-winded way of saying Undertaker and DX have always sucked, and I will never understand their appeal. Kane is actually pretty decent, but all those old farts should be treated like New Japan's former stars, but probably leave out the part where they are forced into shoot fights against the best fighters of this generation, because Jon Jones would LITERALLY murder Undertaker and prove that you can kill what's already dead.

The WWE Is Ruining... Randy Orton

As a pro wrestling fan, it is a part of our identity to always know how to utilize wrestlers better than the WWE. If WWE would just give me, random WWE fan, a job a the company, ratings would immediately rise to the levels of the Monday Night Wars, despite how television ratings have changed as a whole over the last 20 years. But until that happens, WWE will continue ruining our favorite wrestlers, and that is why it is time to point out the error in their ways. Because of WWE's incompetence, I am literally going to pick a wrestler at random and point out how they could be better utilized, because WWE is ruining everyone in one way or another.

Today, I look at the most accomplished full-time wrestler on the WWE roster, Mr. RKO, Randy Orton.

Randy Orton is a grand slam champion who has won a World Title 13 separate times, so he's had a pretty good run already. The thing is, the guy still looks great, and when motivated, seems to be able to put on top level matches. He's a physical presence that dwarfs most other wrestlers but can move with the best of them. On top of this, he possesses a natural charisma that is hard to find.

Despite all this, I don't give a shit about Randy Orton.

Part of this is that Randy Orton has been around forever, and he's fallen into this "sadistic" character that just wants to punish people. This worked when he was the legend killer, but him going on a grand slam of punting people in the face to now twisting people's earlobes and trying to turn Tye Dillinger into a hard 8 just feels...blah.

I will admit two things. Some people are into it, and it's not totally fair to say something sucks before it has had a chance to fully evolve. Clearly, this angle must be going somewhere, but at the end of the day, it's just not for me.

Instead, I want the WWE to go with the motto of, "What's old is new again." Randy Orton has always done his best work as a heel and part of a faction. Obviously, Evolution was not only the best group he was a part of, but also the best group Triple H was a part of as well. But Orton was also great with Legacy and The Authority. I think Orton might be a heel, but I'm honestly not even sure, because even if he is a heel, he's in that cool heel place that Randy Orton should never be. By all accounts, Orton is an entitled asshole and should never, ever be considered cool. Instead, let him embrace who he is, and let him embrace it with a faction to back him up.

The WWE has really steered away from factions recently. Even with groups like The Shield and New Day, that's only three guys, and because of the Horsemen, I feel like you need at least four guys to be a true faction. In fact, I think a good rule of thumb is whether you can hold all of the titles with separate guys. So, then the question becomes, how do you create a faction with Orton?

Obviously, my first thought was reboot Evolution. H is there, Flair isn't busy, and Batista might be game to show up a few times a year. But I feel like the WWE can do even better by creating a new group to surround Orton with. Here are my top 10 picks since I know WWE will need a lot of options to choose from.

1. EC3 - He'd be a perfect fit in a new Evolution-esque group.

2. Bobby Roode - Roode should be a heel, and he hasn't really shown main event potential, so putting him in a group would strengthen him.

3. Mike Kanellis - He's the representative who can get the 205 Live title. Did you know he was on 205 Live? Neither did I until Wikipedia told me, but this also would get them a valet for the group, making every wrestling fan yell, "Why is she with him?"

4. Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows - The Bullet Club ain't happening. Here's to a new group for these guys.

5. Bobby Lashley - Black Batista

6. The Mighty - Cocky tag team with accents seem like it could work.

7. Lars Sullivan - Terrifying enforcer who actually may have that Brock Lesnar feature where they are even scarier in a suit.

8. Mojo Rawley - Having a celebrity friend always makes people easy to dislike.

9. Baron Corbin - Just a naturally hateable guy who could be an enforcer.

10. Kona Reeves - If EC3 is unavailable, you could keep trying to make The Finest thing happen.

You put Orton as the leader of a group of 3-7 of these guys, and he's without a doubt a world champion contender who could make it so easy to actually cheer for the good guys that he is competing against. If he's in the championship picture, it elevates everyone around him as well giving legitimate contenders for secondary and tag titles.

The only way for Randy Orton to move forward is to look backward. I call this group...Devolution.

Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Bobby Lashley
Charlotte Flair
Dana Brooke
Dash Wilder
Kane
Kofi Kingston
Mickie James
Nia Jax
Peyton Royce
Scott Dawson
Tyler Breeze

The WWE Is Ruining... Kane

As a pro wrestling fan, it is a part of our identity to always know how to utilize wrestlers better than the WWE. If WWE would just give me, random WWE fan, a job a the company, ratings would immediately rise to the levels of the Monday Night Wars, despite how television ratings have changed as a whole over the last 20 years. But until that happens, WWE will continue ruining our favorite wrestlers, and that is why it is time to point out the error in their ways. Because of WWE's incompetence, I am literally going to pick a wrestler at random and point out how they could be better utilized, because WWE is ruining everyone in one way or another.

Today, it is time to talk about the devil's favorite demon, KANE.

How is the WWE ruining Kane? Well, first off, this mayor of "Knox County," Tennessee is soooo dumb. Politics gimmicks never work, because they're always fake, and they're always stupid. Remember Hulk hogan running for president, or Bob Backlund running for president, or Linda McMahon running for congress? All fake and all dumb. This one is even dumber as they are claiming that he actually won the election. Yeah, and I'm the mayor of Parts Unknown.

There is only one thing that can take Kane or his new gimmick of Glenn Jacobs (what a stupid name for a mayor), and that is getting him a secretary. A secretary could bring out his worst instincts and help him turn back into the devil's favorite demon. But who should that secretary be? There is really only one choice.

Katie Vick.

I mean, it's perfect. The dead, possibly raped, body of Kane's former lover coming back from the dead to help him find his inner demon. Now, outside of Triple H mimicking sex with a dummy in a casket, we have never had a physical form to Ms. Vick. That may seem like a problem, but it's actually a huge opportunity as you could literally put anyone in that spot. If you don't think anyone can live up to the hype, make her a character like Vera from Cheers where she is only offscreen, pulling the strings.

Everyone agrees that Kane was at his best when Katie Vick was involved, and if you bring Vick back, there is no ceiling on his potential. Even if Katie Vick was a little crass for your personal tastes, you've gotta admit, it's a whole lot better than this Glenn Jacobs - Knox County Mayor gimmick, right?

Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Bobby Lashley
Charlotte Flair
Dana Brooke
Dash Wilder
Nia Jax
Peyton Royce
Scott Dawson
Tyler Breeze

WrestleMania 34 Betting Odds and Predictions

LJ: You know what time it is?  Time for Wrestlemania betting odds.  Before we get into the matches, I’ve got a question for you Hott Joe.  With all these matches, how many years do we have before the Wrestlemania card is literally 24 hours long?  I put the over under at 5.5.

Joe: They are already at seven hours minimum, and man, it comes to a point where that is simply too much wrestling. I went to Mania last year, and by the final hour, I just wanted things to end. New Japan had their show in Long Beach a couple weeks ago, and that show went  4.5 hours which I think is really as long as you should possibly go. But yeah, WWE will definitely hold a 24-hour card by 2025.

Raw Women’s Title Match Alexa Bliss 13/8 vs. Nia Jax 4/9
LJ: This is a no brainer, and I love the odds here.  Getting close to 1/2 on what should be one of the easiest matches to pick is great money.  Jax wins, and if the WWE has any sense, she wins in a quick and dominating fashion.  I’d go hot start for Jax for a couple minutes, she misses a big move, Bliss gets in a couple of minutes of heel offense/works her leg etc.  Jax comes back and wins in another 2, 6-8 minutes is all this match needs and there’s no other story it should tell except for Jax beating Bliss.

Joe: Oh, Jonah. Sweet, sweet baby Jonah. If you think this buildup needs to have Nia Jax go over, then may I remind you of the time Triple H was super racist towards Booker T for months before pinning him cleanly at WrestleMania. Jax SHOULD win, no doubt about it, but these odds almost seem too good to be true. I have to pick Nia Jax, but if I had to book it the other way, maybe the Iconic Duo comes out to help Bliss win the match and create a stable of hot chicks. Oh, and this definitely won’t be the last time I mention The Iconic Duo.

Cruiserweight Title Match Cedric Alexander 2/5 vs. Mustafa Ali 7/4. 
LJ: I’ll be honest, I don’t follow the Cruiserweight division like I do the rest of the WWE.  These guys are fighting for the vacant Cruiserweight Championship since neither one of them is a rapist or wife beater, that we know of.  I’ve seen Cedric Alexander before and he is one of the top talents in the division, so it makes sense for him to win here.  I’ll go with the favorite in Alexander.

Joe: Um…well, the one guy does very cool stuff, but the other guy, boy, you got to watch out for them flips, and, ah…(flips coin) Mustafa Ali wins to help the WWE spread their brand to (checks Wikipedia) Bolingbrook, Illinois? Eh, let’s go with it.

Smackdown Women’s Championship Charlotte Flair 4/1 vs. Asuka 1/7.
LJ: I feel like the WWE has booked themselves into a corner here.  Undefeated streaks are kind of stupid storylines anyways, and now Asuka almost has to win, but the question becomes who beats her eventually?  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, she should have lost her first NXT Title match against Bailey or to Ember Moon on her way out of NXT.  But anyway, if I was actually betting I’d stay away from this match because there’s a chance that Carmella cashes in to win the title.  She could do it during or after the match so if it was after I suppose Asuka would still technically be the winner of this match.  The odds are terrible in this match, but Asuka is going to win, I just wouldn’t recommend betting on it.

Joe: Asuka has to win this match. Carmella has to come out to at least hint at cashing in, but even if she cashes it in, she ain’t winning that title. The only way Charlotte wins is if she somehow convinces The Iconic Duo to join her in a new-age BFFs.

Kurt Angle and Ronda Rousey 1/5 vs. Triple H and Stephanie 5/1.
LJ: This seems super obvious as well.  You don’t bring in Ronda Rousey to have her lose her first match especially when it’s at Wrestlemania.  Wait, I feel like I’ve written this before, oh yeah when the WWE brought in Sting and had him lose to Triple H at Wrestlemania for no logical reason.  I’ll say Triple H pitches this backstage which turns the match into a shoot which the Olympians easily win.  Favorites are the pick again.

Joe: See, this is one where I could see an upset. Kurt Angle can take a pin here without any real issues going on. You were just complaining about how undefeated streaks are bad, so let’s not let Rousey get in one. Have her lose her first match and “protect the biz.” I never want to see Triple H or Stephanie win, but they might do it here, especially if Stephanie gets help from The Iconic Duo.

WWE World Championship Match AJ Styles 2/1 vs. Shinsuke Nakamura 2/5
LJ: The dream match, for people who like to watch good wrestling on a wrestling show.  I really hope they give these guys at least 30 minutes to really tear the house down, it should be a hell of a lot of fun.  In my opinion, Styles is the best wrestler/best all around performer in the world.  That being said, he’s had a good title run and it’s time to make Nakamura a main eventer.  The last time he was in the main event he was losing to Jinder Mahal.  They need to wash that stink off and make him a legitimate main event player, and that’s why he will beat Styles at Wrestlemania with a knee to face.

Joe: If Nakamura was still in Japan, he would probably be considered the greatest thing in wrestling. Instead, he has the stink of the WWE on him and some real lackadaisacal performances against mid-tier competition. I do think him and Styles have a pretty epic match here though. Honestly, they could just recreate Nakamura’s debut against Sami Zayn, and I’d be ecstatic. Nakamura wins, because he has no place to go if he doesn’t.

Universal Championship Match Brock Lesnar 4/1 vs. Roman Reigns 1/6
LJ: I mean come on, this is what the entire last year has been about.  This is why not one person has kicked out of the F5 in the past year.  This is why Braun Strowman isn’t the Universal Champ, or even near the match.  It’s all so Roman Reigns can conquer the unconquerable Brock Lesnar and be the champ.  I’ve got some commentary on this match, it will be a hell of a match.  Their first match was awesome before the cash in.  I just hope that the WWE listens to my warnings and doesn’t put this on last.  The worked shoot Brock Lesnar doesn’t show up for work and is going to the UFC angle has worked a lot better than I thought it would, but it’s not going to make Reigns a fan favorite when he wins.  Whoever he defends the title against first is going to be getting the better reactions, so they need to be ready for this.  Don’t let Reigns cut a promo over a minute long, have him beat people up, or just make him a heel.  Book him as such and things will eventually go his way and since they’re insistent on it happening, I can only hope they go about it smartly.

Joe: Little known fact: When you beat The Undertaker at WrestleMania, you absorb his undefeated prowess at WrestleMania. Lesnar has not been pinned or submitted since beating The Deadman and neither has Roman Reigns. This will be the ultimate test. I really like Roman Reigns, so I’m going to pick The Big Dog to take out The Beast.

John Cena ? vs. The Undertaker ?

LJ: So I don’t see any odds for this match, which I guess makes sense because there’s no guarantee it will happen.  In wrestling though, there’s very rarely build up like this with no payoff.  If they fight, and I think it will happen, I think The Undertaker wins.  I’m also very torn on my feelings about this match.  It’s a match I desperately want to see, or wanted to see five years ago when Taker was undefeated at Wrestlemania and Cena barely ever lost.  Also, though Cena’s “desperation” for a Wrestlemania match has been played pretty well, him calling out the 50 something year old Undertaker for not wanting to wrestle any more is a bit off putting.  On the other hand, if this match does happen I absolutely hate the fact that Cena has done all the build for this match.  The Undertaker could have bothered to come back for a segment or two, just like he could have against Bray Wyatt, where if I remember correctly, Wyatt did all the build and Taker showed up at Mania and got the win.

Joe: I’m not sure who the winner of this match will be, but I can tell you who the loser will be, and that’s the fans, because this match will suck ass if it happens. Undertaker’s garbage, don’t @ me.

LJ: I can’t find actual odds for the other matches, just mentions of who the favorite is so I guess we can talk about those.

Joe: I’m going to go rapid fire on my responses, because if Vegas won’t talk about these matches, neither should I.

Intercontinental Championship Match The Miz vs. Finn Balor vs. Seth Rollins.
LJ: Balor is apparently the favorite in this match, which is understandable.  The guy should be higher up the card, and should have been ever since his return.  I’ll never understand how someone else injuring you is a negative against the injured.  I’m going against the grain in this match though, and I’m going with The Miz to retain.  Miz retains, Balor and Rollins move up into the actual main event part of the card going forward, and Miz gets to become the longest reigning Intercontinental Champ of all time. 

Joe: I’ll take Seth Rollins, because Davenport, Iowa is the master and the ruler of the world.

Women’s Battle Royal Match:
LJ: Sasha Banks is the heavy favorite and is around even money to win.  She’s a great choice, and is probably the best all around women’s wrestler in the division.  Now that she’s back to heel, where she should be, she should be a lot more watchable.  I have to imagine Bayley is up there too, and a win here would really rebuild her credibility which has taken a beating due to terrible booking.  The only other real possibility I can see if Becky Lynch, who hasn’t been buried like Bayley has, but has really been underused.  Beyond that, I have no idea, maybe one of the Bellas if they’re coming back full time?  Ember Moon?  Rodeo lover Tamina?  It’s really got to be one of the Horsewomen, so I’ll go with my personal favorite Bayley to win it.

Joe: Iconic Duo both win.

Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal:

LJ: This one’s tough because I’m really not sure who’s in it.  In past years there were a few big names in it to choose from, this year everyone is in a 3 or 4 way match so it’s kind of tough to figure out who’s not already in a match who could win.  The names that jump out at me that don’t have a match are Matt and Jeff Hardy, Bray Wyatt, and Elias.  Big Cass and Samoa Joe could be healthy enough for a return, and while the battle royal doesn’t feel like a great use of Joe it could be a good use for Big Cass.  Beyond them, maybe a thank you win for Kane?  Someone in a tag team that could have a bright future ahead of them like Chad Gable?  A re debuting Bobby Lashley?  To make an official pick, I’ll take Elias.  He’s plenty over and way too important to be doing nothing at Wrestlemania.  Let him win the battle royal and sing about it for a year.

Joe: What better way to memorialize Andre The Giant than having his greatest rival, Hulk Hogan, come back to win the Battle Royal. Hulk ain’t taking no bumps, brother.

Raw Tag Team Championship Match The Bar vs. Braun and ???

LJ: Brains Strowman would be pretty awesome, but I don’t think he’s the real pick.  The best options for the pick are the guys who could win the Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal.  Could be Elias who has been MIA since a feud with Braun, could be a reborn Bray Wyatt who has history with Strowman.  Could be Big Cass for giant tag team.  Could be Bobby Lashely for some reason or other.  Some NXT guy?  All those choices make a lot more sense than my official choice, James Ellsworth.  It all comes full circle with Ellsworth, he started off being dominated by Braun so he makes his triumphant return as his tag team partner.  Also, Braun and whoever are winning this match because Braun needs to be kept busy and out of the World Title picture while Roman is trying to get over.  Defending the tag team belts is a great way for him to do that.

Joe: Braun Strowman’s partner will be Big Show, and they will win.

US Title Match: Randy Orton vs. Jinder Mahal vs. Bobby Roode vs. Rusev
LJ: I’ve read Jinder is the favorite in this match, so I’m happy to pick against the favorite in this one.  I get the guy is muscular and foreign, but so is Rusev.  Rusev is also charasmatic as all get out and a hell of a worker in the ring.  It’s time for the WWE to actually get behind pushing this future world champion and give Rusev the win on the grandest stage of them all.

Joe: It’s RUSEV DAY!

Smackdown Tag Team Title Match: The Usos vs. The New Day vs. The Bludgeon Brothers
LJ: Couldn’t find any mention of this match so no idea who the favorite is.  I’ll take the Bludgeon Brothers, if they fail here it seems like the tag team is pretty much dead, so if you want to keep Harper and Rowan together they need to win.  Have them feud with The Usos for a few months, should be fun.  Have The New Day move onto pursuing singles gold since Big E is a future world champion.

Joe: New Day Rocks!

Daniel Bryan and Shane McMahon vs. Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn
LJ: Well for this story to make any sense, Kevin and Sami have to win since they can’t be fired.  Of course I said that about Shane McMahon beating The Undertaker so that story could continue, and then it just did for no raisin.  In theory, I guess they could go to RAW after Wrestlemania if they lose this match.  This is Daniel Bryan’s first match back in years though, he can’t lose clean.  In a Russoesque twist, I see Shane McMahon costing Daniel Bryan the match allowing Kevin and Sami to win the match and regain their jobs. 

Joe: Owens and Zayn win when Brie Bella costs Daniel Bryan the match. She then says the baby is actually Sami Zayn’s. I also predict Shane McMahon sweats a lot.

LJ: In terms of crazy surprises you can probably bet on somewhere, I think The Rock makes a polite appearance.  In much more surprising news, I think Connor McGregor and Donald Trump make appearances.  Trump possibly via satelite, but maybe in person.  He’s got to get ready to be the XFL commissioner in 2020.  Since we’re in New Orleans, I hope we get a visit from everyone’s favorite Voodoo Doctor Papa Shango.  I’ve saved the best and most shocking surprise for last.  Kid Rock’s performance will be interrupted by WCW legends The No Limit Soldiers.  Master P will do whatever his finishing maneuver was, and the group will lead the crowd in a rousing rendition of Make Em Say Uhhhh.

Joe: Rock, Hogan, Stone Cold, short-haired Shawn Michaels, Scott Hall, and Dan “The Beast” Severn. Oh, and The Iconic Duo.

Breaking Down the Betting Odds of WrestleMania 33

Lukewarm Jonah: It’s the most wonderful time of the year, Wrestlemania season and that means Wrestlemania betting odds.  Joe will be there in person, but just in case he wants to pay for his ticket by winning a bunch of bets on one of the most underwhelming Wrestlemania’s in recent memory we’re going to look at the odds for the matches at the grandest stage of em all.

Joe: Let's face it, the WrestleMania 33 card looks like ass on paper. The main events were basically designed to give me the least excitement possible, so if I can't see a great WrestleMania card, maybe I can at least make some money off of this thing. Let's break down the odds and find the best bets for this Sunday.

AJ Styles (1/7)  vs. Shane McMahon (11/2):

Lukewarm Jonah: Remember last year when I picked Shane McMahon to win since he had to win in order to continue the storyline?  Well they showed me by mentioning it briefly on RAW the next day then never speaking of it again.  Anyways, AJ Styles is the best wrestler in the company by far and best all around performer.  So he’s been rewarded with dropping the world title and having a match with a non wrestler whose last name is McMahon.  If the WWE does anything besides have Styles run over McMahon after Shane jumps off of something they’re stupid.  That being said, they are very stupid.  I’m still sticking with Styles winning as he pretty much has to, but never doubt a McMahon winning a match for no reason.  

Joe: Yeah, AJ Styles pretty much has to win this match. The only conceivable reason that Shane would win is to get AJ on Raw, which I wouldn’t be totally opposed to, but the only reason I won’t boo is if the Mean Street Posse comes out to help Shane win it. Maybe a Shield style triple powerbomb with the help of Joey Abs and Pete Gas?

Neville (4/11) vs. Austin Aries (15/8):

LJ: This should be a fantastic match.  I know Joe isn’t a big fan of Aries but he was really coming into his own right as he was hurt.  Neville has been great as the King of the Cruiserweights.  They should tear the house down and have a really fun match, but I’m actually taking Aries the underdog.  He’s fresh and he’s getting big reactions from the crowd.  How am I going to bet against the Greatest Man Whoever Lived?

Joe: I am looking forward to this match as this is finally an opportunity for us little guys to shine. The cruiserweight division debuted with a wet fart, but Neville came in to save the day. I think they ride with Neville as the leader for a while longer, and he gives me at least one, “Holy shit” moment.

John Cena and Nikki Bella (1/7) vs. The Miz and Maryse (6/1)

LJ: Miz and Maryse have been carrying this feud like crazy and are doing incredible work.  That being said, those odds are probably not long enough for them.  Cena and Bella are going to win this match and have a big Wrestlemania moment.  There’s a prop bet later that I’d like to talk about, which I think all but ensures Cena and Bella’s win.

Joe: I hope this is the main event, just to give everyone horrific flashbacks to when Miz and Cena main evented a WrestleMania, and it was awful...wait a second, I’m going to be there. This is probably not a wise thing to wish upon myself. I’ll go with Cena and Bella too.

Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal:

Braun Strowman 1/8	Tye Dillinger 25/1	Neville 50/1
Finn Balor 7/1	Karl Anderson 25/1	Zack Ryder 50/1
Samoa Joe 7/1	Apollo Crews 25/1	Tyler Breeze 50/1
Big Show 7/1	Shawn Michaels 25/1	Titus O'Neil 50/1
Sami Zayn 11/1	Austin Aries 25/1	HHH 50/1
Big Cass 12/1	Randy Orton 25/1	Bo Dallas 66/1
Luke Harper 14/1	John Cena 25/1	Jimmy Uso 66/1
Kurt Angle 20/1	Dean Ambrose 25/1	Heath Slater 66/1
Elias Samson 20/1	Big E 25/1	Charlotte 66/1
Mark Henry 20/1	AJ Styles 25/1	Jey Uso 66/1
Kofi Kingston 22/1	Luke Gallows 25/1	Goldust 80/1
Shinsuke Nakamura 22/1	Kevin Owens 25/1	Curtis Axel 80/1
Dolph Ziggler 22/1	Sheamus 25/1	R-Truth 80/1
The Miz 22/1	Jeff Hardy 33/1	Darren Young 80/1
Kane 22/1	Kalisto 33/1	Jack Swagger 90/1
Rusev 22/1	Roman Reigns 33/1	Batista 100/1
Seth Rollins 22/1	Chris Jericho 33/1	The Undertaker 100/1
Baron Corbin 22/1	The Rock 33/1	Brock Lesnar 100/1
Cesaro 22/1	Hulk Hogan 33/1	Conor McGregor 150/1
Hideo Itami 22/1	Stone Cold Steve Austin 33/1	CM Punk 200/1
Bobby Roode 25/1	Xavier Woods 50/1	Ronda Rousey 250/1

LJ: Always some interesting and fun odds on the Andre The Giant memorial Battle Royal.  Good odds on anyone not named Braun Strowman.  It’s easy to see why, he’s a monster and he just lost some of his heat by being beaten by Reigns.  The two names I’m interested in are two guys who were interesting in the Royal Rumble, Finn Balor and Sami Zyan.  I think they hold off on Balor’s return to help Seth out so I’ll go with good old underdog Sami Zyan to win it.

Joe: Looking at this list, it’s pretty shocking how many great wrestlers have nothing important to do at WrestleMania. Braun Strowman has been awesome these past few months, Samoa Joe has been eating people’s hearts, and Sami Zayn is my (insert heart emoji). Oh yeah, there’s also Dolph Ziggler, Luke Harper, and THE ENTIRE NEW DAY. They should, like, put all of those people in a Money in the Bank match for my own happiness. Instead, they’re probably all in this battle royal, and I guess I’ll go with Sami Zayn, as I don’t see any surprise debut appearances, and eventually Sami Zayn needs to win something.

Kevin Owens (2/7) vs. Chris Jericho (3/1) United States Title Match

LJ: By far the best booked storyline going into Wrestlemania.  The Kevin and Chris friendship express was extremely entertaining for months and the Festival of Friendship was one of the best segments in years.  Owens is the favorite here since he’s the full time guy and rumor is Jericho might be going on tour with Fozzy soon.  I’m actually taking the underdog Jericho here to win and redeem himself by getting revenge on the guy who screwed him over.  I’m guessing there’s an Owens destruction the next night on RAW but I’m taking Jericho to pull off the win here.

Joe: This is definitely the most interesting storyline, and that’s because it’s from two of wrestling’s most entertaining performers. Even as a Jerchoholic, I’ll admit, I did not see Jericho having this sort of run again. He has been so phenomenal this past year, and it’s truly incredible that he has found a way to reinvent himself yet again. And that’s not taking anything away from Owens who is relentless in and out of the ring, and he will literally just wear you down with everything he does until you are entertained. Still, Jericho deserves to get one up on Owens so I’m going to agree with you and take Jericho to get the win.

The Club (11/10) vs. Enzo and Big Cass (7/5) vs. Sheamus and Cesaro (5/2) RAW Tag Team Title match.

LJ: The Club has been booked terribly since coming to the WWE and they continue their terrible booking by attacking their partners in a handicap match ensuring that they’ll be in a triple threat at Wrestlemania.  But Enzo and Big Cass are the picks here, the WWE wants to push them and they should.  They’ll give them their Wrestlemania moment of winning the tag team titles here.  Probably after The Club lays down and lets them beat them because they’re just tired of carrying them around.

Joe: Well, Monday night, to build interest in this tag match, it was turned into a ladder match, but I was already excited, mostly because it has my man Antonio Cesaro in it. Now that there’s a ladder involved, expect Cesaro to do something incredibly dangerous and/or incredibly strong in this match. I still don’t think him and Sheamus are winning, as I agree that it’s probably time to put the belts on Enzo Amore and Colin Cassady.

Bayley (1/3) vs. Sasha Banks (3/1) vs. Charlotte (8/1) vs. Nia Jax (14/1).  RAW Women’s Title match.

LJ: How terribly has this been booked?  It’s really how terribly Bayley has been booked.  He have a dominant heel champ with a PPV unbeaten streak and the biggest PPV of the year coming up.  We also have an organically over babyface in Bayley that basically everyone loves.  Let’s have the babyface win the title on RAW by interference, and break the PPV streak at a nothing PPV by interference.  Perfect.  Anyways,the one part of this feud that’s been booked decently is the fact that Sasha Banks should be turning heel soon and I think she turns heel at Wrestlemania.  Charlotte was right this entire time and Banks screws over Bayley at Wrestlemania and takes the title.  The good news going forward is that RAW has almost no face women, but hey who cares right?

Joe: I agree that Bayley has been booked terribly, but this is the match that I am most confident in delivering an awesome performance. It’s kind of crazy how much women’s wrestling has changed in the past couple years. Two years ago, Paige had the main women’s match, and I’m pretty sure it was against Nikki Bella but not totally sure. Either way, it was totally forgettable. Of course, two nights before that, Sasha Banks and Charlotte tore it up at the NXT show, and it is absolutely criminal that that match is not available for viewing, because it was pretty damn awesome. Anyway, Charlotte and Sasha Banks are the two best women’s wrestlers around; Bayley isn’t far behind (but she is behind), and Nia Jax plays an important role of just getting to ragdoll little girls like Sasha. But I agree with you, Bruce Springsteen (The Boss) wins the title here.

Alexa Bliss (5/2) vs. Becky Lynch (5/2) vs. Mickie James (6/1) vs. Natalya (9/1) vs. Carmella (14/1) vs. Naomi (5/4) vs. ???

LJ: So, it’s the Smackdown women’s title match Alexa Bliss taking on all available Smackdown women.  There are odds on a few more women, and Asuka is one of them at (16/1).  The smart money seems to be on Naomi returning and winning the belt she never lost.  Becky Lynch is always a threat and Mickie James has some attractive odds as well.  Carmella is definitely more likely to win this match than Natalya so I like her odds as well.  The “All available Smackdown women” comment from Daniel Bryan has to mean that someone unexpected will win the match.  I’ll go with the favorite Naomi to make her return and take back the title.  

Joe: Here’s my surprise for Mania. Asuka wins the Smackdown Women’s Title. I think she loses her NXT title on Saturday night, and then makes her surprise debut in this match and wrecks worlds.

Seth Rollins (1/4) vs. Triple H (7/2) Unsanctioned match

LJ: First question, what the hell is an unsanctioned match, and if anyone’s in one why is it the CFO of the company?  I honestly don’t know if this means it’s a No DQ match or what, but Rollins should really win.  Triple H is always the biggest, toughest, coolest guy in feuds and he’s pretty much dominated Rollins to this point.  But Rollins is his guy, Triple H really likes him so I’m going to do something that’s bitten me in the ass before and think that Rollins picks up the win here.  He probably gets a Samoa Joe beatdown afterwards to write him off while he recovers, but I think he pulls it out.

Joe: Jonah, don’t you get it? All other WrestleMania matches are sanctioned, but this match, this match is unsanctioned. Triple H wrote up an ironclad contract (thanks to help from Big Johnny) that means that Seth Rollins can’t sue no matter what Triple H does. Triple H is known as The Game. What’s the world’s most dangerous game? That’s right, hunting fellow human beings. Triple H is going to shoot Seth Rollins, but it’ll be fine, because it’s unsanctioned. Seth Rollins still wins, because DAVENPORT, IOWA RULES!

Roman Reigns (2/7) vs. The Undertaker (5/2)

LJ: Don’t worry everybody, the WWE heard your demands for a dream match and put the top face against The Undertaker, that’s right it’s John Cena oh crap I mean Roman Reigns.  It’s the Big Dog’s yard now everybody.  Also, please call him the Big Dog and wear my super illegally designed Big Dog Roman Reigns shirt while you do it.  Rumor has it, this might be The Undertaker’s last match.  I don’t think it is, but who knows.  It sure looks like this is when Roman Reigns finally turns heel because you know he’s getting booed out of the building if he beats The Undertaker.  Instead, Roman probably beats The Undertaker, Taker shakes his hand and passes the torch to him and crowds continue to shit all over it.  Big Dog for the win.

Joe: Oh man do I not give a shit about supernatural characters. I’ll take Undertaker, because he’s due for a win at Mania. He hasn’t gotten one in a year.

Dean Ambrose (+350) vs. Baron Corbin (-600) Intercontinental Title match.

LJ: I’m a little surprised by these odds too.  I mean it makes sense that they want to push Corbin as the new monster and give him a good title win, but he dropped a forklift on Ambrose and it sure seems like he should get his revenge.  So screw it, I’m going with Ambrose getting that revenge on Corbin and winning at Wrestlemania.

Joe: I’ll agree that these odds are surprising. I thought I could make good money off Corbin, as I think it makes sense for him to win, mostly because a small child could produce more believable offense than Dean Ambrose. So let’s stick with the Lone Wolf to go 2-0 at WrestleManias and make a real run at Undertaker’s streak.

Randy Orton (4/11) vs. Bray Wyatt (13/5) WWE Championship match.

LJ: This is actually a bit of a tough one to call.  Orton’s storyline is that he couldn’t beat Bray so he joined on him and then turned on him and burnt down his house.  Wyatt got his revenge by rubbing dirt on himself.  The conclusion of this storyline should be Orton winning and finally overcoming Wyatt.  However, Wyatt just won the title a month ago and is getting very strong reactions.  Also, he did get his house burnt down, so the WWE’s 50/50 booking should get the win.  It’s a tough one, but I’m taking the favorite Orton.  The WWE sure loves them some Randy Orton so he probably gets his redemption and wins the title.

Joe: Oh man do I not give a shit about supernatural characters. Let’s go with Bray Wyatt winning with help from Sister Abigail who will be portrayed by noneother than Sunny. Now that’s a prediction.

Brock Lesnar (1/9) vs. Goldberg (9/1) WWE Universal Title match.

LJ: Here it is folks your main event of the evening.  Which part timer will win the championship?  Obviously, Goldberg has completely dominated this feud going back to the time they fought years ago.  This means Lesnar basically has to win the belt.  At least he can last more than two minutes in a match.  The real question is whether he walks out with the belt, or if we get some shenanigans to get the title on someone who actually appears on RAW.  Could be at Wrestlemania, could be the next night on RAW, or he could just hold the belt, appear every couple of months and eventually lose it to Roman Reigns.

Joe: Holy shit, they really need Lesnar to win this thing. I hope it’s a shoot and we see who the better real fighter is. But if they want to make it interesting, you have Lesnar win, and then you have the man who never lost the title, Finn Balor, come out, challenge Brock Lesnar to an impromptu match and win the title before the night ends. It makes everybody happy, except for Goldberg’s shirtless child, but judging by that belly, the sweets he’s been eating should keep him fat and happy.

Prop Bets:

LJ: My favorite prop bet of the night is whether John Cena proposes to Nikki Bella at Wrestlemania.  Yes is (4/9) and I’m betting this happens for sure.  The angle has been about Nikki Bella being unable to get Cena to propose and you know Cena wants to do it at Wrestlemania.  Also, wasn’t The Big Show supposed to fight Shaq?  It looks like this match isn’t happening but you can bet on whether or not Shaq (4/1) will appear in the ring at Wrestlemania, so if it does happen you can bet on it and win some money.  There’s also a prop bet for whether or not Finn Balor (4/9) appears in a ring and I think that’s almost guaranteed so that’s a safe one too.  There are no odds for a Smackdown Tag Team title match, but The Usos will probably retain against American Alpha.  

Joe: I’m not sure about prop bets, but I already predicted an appearance from Asuka. Also, I say Hulk Hogan makes his triumphant return, and we also get appearances from The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin, and Vin Diesel. Since there should probably be an NXT guy in the battle royal, I’ll go with Tye Dillinger maybe getting the permanent callup at this point. And finally, I’ll say that Dolph Ziggler pays homage to Rick Rude and air brushes Jake Roberts’s wife on his crotch. Where can I get odds on that?