The 2018 XFL Mock Draft - Wide Receivers

In anticipation of Vince McMahon bringing the fun back to football (more concussions, woohoo!), Lukewarm Jonah and I went back and forth to do an XFL Draft. Admittedly, both Jonah and I did minimal research before the draft and did all of our analysis during the draft. This meant that there was little rhyme or reason to any picks past the first two rounds. So instead of breaking this down round by round, we are going to go by position groups. We also only did a two-team league, because I cannot imagine finding enough nerds to have a 12 or 16 team league. We did do a whole 53-man roster, so you could imagine these guys being spread around across the league. Today, we continue this series with the wide receivers.

Wide Receivers
Jonah: Victor Cruz, Moritz Bohringer, Speedy Noil, Corey Brown, Jared Abbrederis

Joe: Justin Blackmon, Calvin Johnson, Vincent Jackson, Dorial Green-Beckham, Anquan Boldin, Riley Cooper

Joe: This is where my team truly owns as this is by far my strongest position group. One of the reasons we did not display our results as a draft was because I remembered Calvin Johnson in like the 20th round, so draft status did not quite match up with talent. But it’s pretty safe to say that Calvin Johnson is the most talented player at any position in this entire draft and immediately makes my passing game unstoppable as my quarterbacks aren’t good, but they are good at gunning the ball down the field and hoping for the best. With Calvin Johnson, their hopes have been answered.

Then I pair him up with Justin Blackmon, one of the most talented receivers of the past ten years. I’m counting on the XFL not being as strict on drug use, and Blackmon can flat out play, even if he hasn’t touched a football for years. 

Along with my superstars, I added reliable veterans in Vincent Jackson and Anquan Boldin. Vincent Jackson fits my quarterbacks well as he made a career out of snagging deep balls out of the air no matter who was covering him. Boldin is the opposite as he is going to be my possession receiver. Let’s face it, Boldin is a guy who could be a productive NFL player for ten more years as he knows how to get open, no matter how slow he might become. He’s an ideal safety valve for my quarterbacks.

Then I took my high potential pick with Dorial Green-Beckham, who was the #1 recruit out of high school in the class of 2012. He had two good years at Missouri before being dismissed from the team, spent a year with Oklahoma without playing, and then went to the NFL Draft where he never caught on with the Titans or Eagles. He recently got arrested for drunk driving, so I think the stability of the XFL is exactly what he needs to get his career back on the right track.

Finally, I took Riley Cooper, whose past racism will likely make him a fan favorite in this league.

Jonah: Joe’s receivers have more name value than mine, but I’ll show you mine are actually better and definitely have more potential.  Calvin Johnson could come back next year and get eight figures, so he’s a little spendy even if he wants to play.  DGB was on my list and is a great pick.  However, Victor Cruz is only a few years removed from being the most exciting receiver in the NFL.  If he can stay healthy he would be almost unstoppable.  I also love Joe’s pick of Justin Blackmon, I honestly think the two of them would be fighting it out for best receiver while putting up video game numbers.

Mortiz Boehringer is a name that’s probably not recognizable unless you’re a giant football/draft nerd.  He’s the first and only European player to be drafted in the NFL and learned about American football while watching Randy Moss.  Boehringer is 6’4” and ran a 4.43 40.  He’s a physical marvel, but raw.  He’s like Matt Jones without the drug use and 1st round status.  The NFL isn’t getting European interest, so having Boehringer on the team will help our numbers as well as the fact that he’s an unbelievable prospect.

When you do a 7 round mock draft you research a lot of prospects.  Two of my most interesting players going into the draft were Tarik Cohen and Speedy Noil.  Cohen worked out while Noil is still a free agent.  He’s 5’11” and an absolute freak of an athlete.  He was the top athlete prospect in his recruiting class and the top Nike SPARQ score holder that year as well.  He’s got off the field concerns, but nothing too awful, just seems like kind of a knucklehead.  Plus this is the XFL, who cares about being an idiot off the field if you had the best vertical and broad jump of anyone at the combine?

Corey Brown is a guy nicknamed “Philly” which I always found confusing while he was playing in Carolina.  He was a decent receiver in Carolina, their number 2 or 3 guy.  He had a decent three year career there, nothing spectacular but he was close to 500 yards two years ago.  He’s a young guy, but with three years of decent NFL experience he should thrive in the XFL.

Jared Abbrederis was always a guy I thought was eventually going to break out in the NFL, but never got the opportunity.  He showed flashes of brilliance when he did get chances, but never had an extended opportunity.  He’s got good size, speed and hands.  He’s a solid receiver with three years of NFL experience.  He’s a valuable asset.

Joe: Jonah, Jonah, Jonah, Victor Cruz? Victor Cruz is your shining star? He wasn’t good enough to make the Chicago Bears this year. As a Vikings fan, I know you are not going to dispute that the Bears had the worst receiving corps in the entire NFL, and when the Bears had to cut down their roster, they couldn’t find a spot for your great beacon of hope, Victor Cruz. Get out of here with that weak ass shit.

Jonah: Joe, Joe, Joe, you telling me that the Chicago Bears talent evaluators didn’t think Victor Cruz still had it is the best endorsement you could give.  Maybe the Browns front office took a look at him too and didn’t think he was good.  It was a few years ago because he’s been hampered by injuries but he was unstoppable.  Now your receivers look great, that’s true, but like I mentioned I don’t think Megatron is coming back and even if he is it’s for a minimum of 10 million.  You do have the fact that playing in the XFL is less demeaning than playing for the Detroit Lions working for you, but I don’t think he wants to play football.  Justin Blackmon is a star and Josh Gordon proved that you can take a few years off football and come back and play so he will dominate.  I’ve always been a big Vincent Jackson fan, he was underrated during his NFL career but he’s getting up there in years and Anquan Boldin is old as hell.  I wanted to pick DGB so I can’t say anything about him but good pick.  Cooper is a racist so the fans might like him, but he’s going to have some interesting times in the locker room.

Joe: Victor Cruz not only failed to make the Bears, but nobody else even bothered to bring him in. His former team, the New York Giants, lost an entire roster full of receivers, but when Cruz told them he was available, they just texted back “New phone, who dis.” 

But that’s it for today. Next time, we’ll continue with each of our team’s tight ends.

In case you missed it:
Quarterbacks
Running Backs

Reviewing My Fantasy Football Draft - Part 1

My latest fantasy football draft happened Monday night. For the uninformed, it is part of a three sport league with baseball and basketball, and you can trade between sports. I am an impatient person, so I am always wheeling and dealing, and this draft would be no different, as I moved up from 10 to the top overall pick a half hour before the draft. Was it a good deal? Hell, I didn't know at the time, but it was a deal, and it fed my addiction which is all that matters. But we'll get to the details of that later. Let's break down the first five rounds, because I need to post something before the season actually gets going later tonight.

Round 1
1 Wegher Bombs RB Le'Veon Bell Pit
2 Larry Donnell Trump 4 President RB Adrian Peterson Min
3 You Just Have To BELLieve! RB Eddie Lacy GB
4 Graham Cracker RB Jamaal Charles KC
5 Too Many (Brandin) Cooks WR Antonio Brown Pit
6 Al Pacino From Scent of a Woman RB Marshawn Lynch Sea
7 Hot Joel RB Matt Forte Chi
8 Run And Hyde RB C.J. Anderson Den
9 Steele Jantz’s Jock Strap RB DeMarco Murray Phi
10 Deez Nuts TE Rob Gronkowski NE
11 Geriatric All Stars WR Dez Bryant Dal
12 Ready, Willing And Tom Cable WR Demaryius Thomas Den

Best Pick: Dez Bryant
I had Dez as the sixth best guy in the draft. That is partially because I underestimate Marshawn Lynch every year, but I just don’t see much of a chance of Dez not producing as a top-5 receiver this year and he has a very good shot at being at the top of the list. I also really liked the Eddie Lacy pick, as the Packers have a very good offensive line, and Rodgers has less receiving threats with Nelson out for the year. I was slightly worried about his injury history, and that’s what stopped me from going in that direction, but I could easily see him as the top back this year.

Worst Pick: Rob Gronkowski
You really have to nitpick to find faults in first round picks. Rob Gronkowski will be the highest scoring tight end this season, as long as he can stay healthy. That second part is what concerns me, because he has dealt with numerous injuries, some quite serious, so it really makes his health the biggest concern of anyone drafted in the first round.

My Pick: Le’Veon Bell
As I said earlier, I was between Bell and Lacy, but I think the Pittsburgh offensive line has steadily improved where they are not much worse than the Packers (although not having Pouncey early on will not help), and even though he misses two games early, I like his durability and production to be the best fantasy running back during those last 14 weeks of the season.

Round 2
13 Ready, Willing And Tom Cable WR Julio Jones Atl
14 Geriatric All Stars RB LeSean McCoy Buf
15 Wegher Bombs WR Calvin Johnson Det
16 Steele Jantz’s Jock Strap WR Odell Beckham Jr. NYG
17 Run And Hyde RB Carlos Hyde SF
18 Hot Joel WR A.J. Green Cin
19 You Just Have To BELLieve! WR Randall Cobb GB
20 Too Many (Brandin) Cooks WR T.Y. Hilton Ind
21 Graham Cracker QB Aaron Rodgers GB
22 You Just Have To BELLieve! QB Andrew Luck Ind
23 Larry Donnell Trump 4 President RB Lamar Miller Mia
24 Deez Nuts RB Alfred Morris Wsh

Keepers: Andrew Luck

Best Pick: Lamar Miller
Everybody raves about how great the Chip Kelly offense is for running backs in Philadelphia, but Miami is basically attempting to do the same thing and nobody talks about how great things are for Lamar Miller. Miller goes into the season as the clear lead back in this offense, and when he got carries, he put up impressive numbers. I don’t see why his output wouldn’t increase this year, and there’s a good chance he puts up first round stats for a second round cost.

Worst Pick: T.Y. Hilton
I pretty much liked all of the receivers taken in this round…except for T.Y. Hilton. It is nothing against him as a player, but the Colts have way more weapons this year than they had last season, so the ball is going to be spread around. I just don’t see him quite on the level of the other receivers in this round.

My Pick: Calvin Johnson
Calvin Johnson was hurt for most of the season last year and still put up pretty impressive numbers. He’s a freak of nature, so if he’s fully healthy this season, he should have no issue being a top-5 receiver and making my opponents miserable all year long.

Round 3
25 Deez Nuts RB Melvin Gordon SD
26 Larry Donnell Trump 4 President WR Emmanuel Sanders Den
27 You Just Have To BELLieve! WR Alshon Jeffery Chi
28 Graham Cracker TE Jimmy Graham Sea
29 Too Many (Brandin) Cooks QB Peyton Manning Den
30 Al Pacino From Scent of a Woman QB Cam Newton Car
31 Hot Joel RB Justin Forsett Bal
32 Run And Hyde QB Drew Brees NO
33 Steele Jantz’s Jock Strap RB Mark Ingram NO
34 Deez Nuts WR Amari Cooper Oak
35 Geriatric All Stars RB Frank Gore Ind
36 Ready, Willing And Tom Cable RB Latavius Murray Oak

Keepers: Cam Newton (Yes, somebody kept Cam Newton for a third round pick. Yes, Cam Newton was projected to be a tenth round pick. Yes, nothing made me smile wider than when I got the email notifying me of the decision, especially since the guy passed up keeping Carlos Hyde for a seventh rounder in order to keep Cam)

Best Pick: Alshon Jeffery
I don’t know why Alshon Jeffery is slipping to 27, but that’s excellent value at that point. Jay Cutler loves number one receivers more than he hates vaccinations. There is no one to threaten his spot at the top, and although he’s been dealing with some minor nagging injuries, it sounds like with the rest he has gotten, he’ll be at full strength going into the regular season.

Worst Pick: Peyton Manning
This is obviously in the non-Cam Newton keeper category. I’m just very down on Manning this year, and not in the fact that I think he’s done, but I just don’t think he’s going to be lighting up scoreboards this year under Gary Kubiak. They are definitely running the ball more, so I see Manning having Tom Brady like numbers. He’ll be a top-10 guy, but there’s a good chance he isn’t in the top-5. There were plenty of quarterbacks that I see producing similar numbers that are going many rounds later in the draft.

My Pick: Nobody
Since I was originally gifted the 10th pick in the draft, I decided to trade up by giving up my first, third, and ninth round pick for the first pick in the draft, along with a sixth and eighth rounder. I feel good about the talent I was able to acquire and am happy that I made the trade.

Round 4
37 Ready, Willing And Tom Cable RB Arian Foster Hou
38 Geriatric All Stars WR Golden Tate Det
39 Wegher Bombs RB Todd Gurley StL
40 Steele Jantz’s Jock Strap QB Tom Brady NE
41 Run And Hyde RB T.J. Yeldon Jac
42 Hot Joel WR Keenan Allen SD
43 Al Pacino From Scent of a Woman WR Davante Adams GB
44 Too Many (Brandin) Cooks RB Joseph Randle Dal
45 Graham Cracker WR Andre Johnson Ind
46 You Just Have To BELLieve! RB Andre Ellington Ari
47 Larry Donnell Trump 4 President WR Julian Edelman NE
48 Deez Nuts RB Jonathan Stewart Car

Best Pick: Arian Foster
If Arian Foster was completely healthy going into this season, he’s a first round pick. His injury is nothing to scoff at, but it looks like he’ll be ready to go by week 2 or 3. Yes, injuries are an extra concern for Foster, but at that point in the draft, there are no sure things, and he was by far the most proven commodity available.

Worst Pick: Tom Brady
As you can probably tell, I was not a big fan of taking quarterbacks early this year. Can you really expect Tom Brady to perform better than Matt Ryan, Eli Manning, or Philip Rivers? Those guys are going 2, 3, and 5 rounds later respectively than Brady. And I think everyone keeps thinking back to the time he had Randy Moss and set the world on fire, but the Patriots do not have that receiving corps anymore. Yes, Gronk is an absolute beast, but as I said earlier, he’s not the healthiest guy in the world. I just see his best case scenario as meeting this draft spot with a good chance that he falls short.

My Pick: Todd Gurley
Holy shit is my team going to suck the first couple weeks. Todd Gurley wasn’t really a guy I was targeting in drafts as he didn’t end up on my other two squads, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love me some Todd Gurley. It’s just that in other drafts, I liked other guys more when I was drafting. Todd Gurley is legit, and he does everything you need a running back to do well. He can catch passes, he can block, and most importantly, he can run like an absolute beast. He looks like Adrian Peterson, and considering how well that guy came back from his knee injury, I think that after the Rams have a bye in week 6, he’s going to turn on the jets and be a fantasy monster. The Rams wouldn’t have used a first round pick on him if they thought anything less.

But yes, I’m really just hoping for a .500 record early in the season considering my issues at running back.

Round 5
49 Deez Nuts WR Brandon Marshall NYJ
50 Larry Donnell Trump 4 President WR Vincent Jackson TB
51 You Just Have To BELLieve! RB Chris Ivory NYJ
52 Graham Cracker RB Joique Bell Det
53 Too Many (Brandin) Cooks RB Doug Martin TB
54 Al Pacino From Scent of a Woman WR Jarvis Landry Mia
55 Hot Joel WR Jeremy Maclin KC
56 Run And Hyde WR Nelson Agholor Phi
57 Steele Jantz’s Jock Strap WR DeSean Jackson Wsh
58 Wegher Bombs WR Sammy Watkins Buf
59 Geriatric All Stars RB Rashad Jennings NYG
60 Ready, Willing And Tom Cable WR DeAndre Hopkins Hou

Keepers: Sammy Watkins and DeAndre Hopkins

Best Pick: Doug Martin
I am easily influenced by seeing people do good things in person, and Doug Martin was off the chain in the Buccaneers second preseason game that I attended. He was finding holes and exploding through them with quickness that he hasn’t had since his rookie year. I think the Muscle Hamster is back, and I am not happy that he is not a part of my team.

Worst Pick: Jarvis Landry
I really like Jarvis Landry, but the Dolphins added a ton of receiving options this offseason, and he’s probably not going to be a prime red zone target with his skills. I think he’s more in the range of possible flex option, first guy off the bench as opposed to the true starting receiver that were drafted in this round. I have a hard time imagining Jarvis Landry putting up bigger numbers than Jeremy Maclin.

My Pick: Sammy Watkins
Sammy Watkins was one of my two keepers for the year, and it was a bit of a borderline call. Hypothetically, he may have been available at this time, and I may have been able to get somebody I liked better. But looking at what was available, there is a good chance he wouldn’t have been there, and I definitely would have taken him had he been there. I think Watkins is getting underrated, partly because of injuries last year, and partly because of the Buffalo quarterback situation. I like Kyle Orton quite a bit, but I don’t think Tyrod Taylor is going to be a tremendous step backwards for this offense, and I could see Sammy Watkins taking a tremendous step forward.

I'll be back with part two as soon as I can. That, as you may have guessed, will be followed by part three.

I Will Not Be Grantland's Fantasy Football Writer

Grantland had a contest to become their fantasy football writer. They asked for the top five players this year and one sleeper. That is, quite possibly, the most boring writing concept ever. Also, anyone who claims to be a fantasy guru is a moron, especially when it comes to fantasy football where if you just manage a healthy team, you will be competitive. Even though I decided to play within the rules, much like the cast of Suits, I also managed to still play by my own rules. The following is the article that, somehow, did not lead me to the writing championship.

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Becoming Grantland’s fantasy football writer has long been a dream of mine. I remember growing up last week and seeing that Grantland was having a competition for their Fantasy Football writer. I knew that it was my destiny. Well, guess what? It’s this week, and that little boy with a dream is now a 28-year-old with loads of free time, and it is time for my dream to become a reality.

Calvin Johnson – If you are looking for guaranteed points, look no further, because this guy is a fantasy stud. Do you know how tall Calvin Johnson is? Probably not. I have it on good authority that someone tried to measure him using a yardstick. They then brought out a second yardstick, and he was taller than both yardsticks combined. A yard is three feet, and since he is approximately three yards tall, that makes Calvin Johnson nine feet tall. Do you know how fast Calvin Johnson is? Of course not, because Calvin Johnson is as fast as our hands. Since the hand is faster than the eye, he is too fast for the world to ever get a proper measurement on his speed. When Usain Bolt feels a gust of wind, he fears it is just Calvin Johnson lapping him. So, yeah, good luck stopping Calvin Johnson this year.

Ricky Stanzi – Yes, the Kansas City Chiefs backup quarterback may not seem like a wise choice at first, but take a closer look, and I think you will find that he should be your top priority on draft day. Ricky Stanzi loves America.

I mean, the man really loves America.
Fantasy football has surpassed apple pie on the Most American rankings. It’s football, which is a sport that is only played in America. You create a hypothetical team that many cheer for over the team that they grew up rooting for in order to get bragging rights over their friends. This is what Abraham Lincoln envisioned after killing a vampire and signing the Declaration of Independence. U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

Bo Jackson – So this one is cheating a little bit. I have a football simulator called Tecmo Super Bowl. Although I have not judged the results of my simulator against real-world results, I am nearly positive that it is the most accurate simulator in the world. For the last 21 seasons, the top fantasy performer has been Bo Jackson. I do not see that changing anytime soon. As long as he remembers to zig zag to obtain optimal speed as opposed to running a straight line, I really don’t see how any team is going to be able to stop him.

Mike Ditka – His versatility is what adds so much value for Ditka. He can not only fill in in your Coach position, but he can also fill in at the role of Tight End, Analyst, or Mustache. This is the type of fantasy stud that you can build a team around. If that’s not enough, take solace in the fact that you can never go wrong with Ditka.

Josh Scobee – That’s right, a kicker. A lot of you are under the impression that kickers are worthless in fantasy leagues, but it is actually quite the opposite. Little known fact, on 98% of touchdowns, the kicker scores. It is an obscure rule known as the point after touchdown. People in the know refer to it simply as the PAT. A kicker will kick this and get a point. Only bad kickers miss these, and Josh Scobee is not a bad kicker. He will also have plenty of chances as Maurice Jones-Drew is holding out meaning that he will be well rested for the season. If that isn’t enough of a reason, Blaine Gabbert is in his second year and has already bought property in the end zone, because he plans on spending most of his Sundays there celebrating with teammates.

SLEEPER: Washington Sentinels Defense – All the attention goes to Shane Falco, but this defense deserves respect. After trailing 17-0 after the first half in their final game, they did not give up another point and won 20-17. That scoreless second half is a sign of things to come this season.

Get those guys, and you will definitely be going home with a fantasy championship this year. Also, if you are one of my friends that I am in a league with, don’t read this. I really should have put that at the top. Aw, crap.

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So, yeah, I don't understand how I lost either. As a consolation prize for anyone checking this post out five years later, here is a mashup picture I made on Paint for my team Robert Kelley Kapowski: