The Five Biggest Jobbers of Goldberg's Undefeated Streak

When working with Lukewarm Jonah on our instant classic piece of writing on Glacier, Jonah mentioned that Glacier lost to Goldberg. I looked into it and found out that Glacier didn't lose once to Goldberg. He lost three times to Goldberg. The streak was simply too high for him to go through 173 different opponents. So I decided to go through the list and break down the five biggest jobbers involved in Goldberg's streak. Instead of subjectively finding out whether Wayne Bloom is a bigger jobber than Chase Tatum (those names may be made up, but they made the list).

5. Brad Armstrong - 6
This is the type of jobber I would expect to see on this list. He's good enough to be in the ring with Goldberg on television, but he's bad enough where you don't really need the match going longer than three minutes. Four of his losses were at random house shows, but he did manage to get one loss on Nitro and even a match on SuperBrawl VIII. They both went something like this...

The only reason he gets in any offense is to anger Goldberg so he has a reason to finish him off. This makes a lot of sense. Also, if you have an Armstrong Curse sweatshirt, you are either the world's greatest wrestling fan or Brad Armstrong.

4. Curt Hennig - 7
It is ironic that the former Mr. Perfect was the victim of someone else's perfection seven times during this streak. Also, Curt Hennig is way too good to be jobbing out to Goldberg that many times. There was a loss on Nitro and at Bash at the Beach, but, by far, the most important loss that Hennig had was at the Goodwill Games. I'm just going to assume that in 1998, the Goodwill Games recognized pro wrestling as a legitimate sport and Goldberg won it all. Either that, or as an honor to Goldberg, they replaced the traditional first prize medals with Goldberg Medals, which had Bill's face on the gold medal so the athletes could aspire to something greater.

3. Jerry Flynn - 8
Jerry Flynn may be the most perfect jobber for a guy like Goldberg. I mean, the guy posed zero threat, but he was large enough to make all (two) of Goldberg's moves look impressive. This is probably my favorite Bill Goldberg match of all time.

The beginning of the match involves one of my favorite things, and that is pro wrestling not understanding how MMA submissions work. They trade submissions, and I think two out of seven were actually applied correctly. But it's nonstop, and then Goldberg slams him, hits his two moves and calls it a day. These two were pure magic together. It's kind of amazing that Jerry Flynn only lost eight times to Goldberg.

2. Saturn - 11
Most of Saturn's losses came on house shows, which makes sense. But still, he managed to get two PPV matches against Goldberg in Spring Stampede and Slamboree. Two weeks before his match against Goldberg, Saturn lost to Hammer and was kicked out of the flock. But after that, Saturn was able to beat Jerry Flynn in the week leading up to his US Title shot. Somehow, none of these epic matches are on YouTube. Honestly, that's probably for the best.

1. The Giant - 18
Yep, the biggest jobber is also the world's biggest athlete. When I saw that The Giant was number one, I was surprised, but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. He is bigger than everyone, so he should be this dominant force that can only lose by fluke, but instead his entire career has him going on massive losing streaks where he is asked to look like shit in order to build up other guys. He is the shit guy far more than the dominant force guy, so it doesn't even build up his opponent. The Giant should lose maybe three times in a year, but instead he managed to lose three matches to Goldberg on Nitros, all within a month. He just kept going out there and losing. It was near the end of The Giant's contract with WCW, so his most notable win in those last few months was either Disco Inferno or Raven in a no disqualification match. He also had a three week string of getting dominated by Goldberg at house shows, and those losses added up fast. In fact, they made him Goldberg's biggest jobber, both figuratively and literally.

Support Independent Wrestling

So I went to a local wrestling show this past weekend, and I cannot recommend doing something anymore than I recommend doing this. Seriously, support independent wrestling. Is the wrestling top notch? No, definitely not. Is there still some cool wrestling that goes on? Absolutely. Is it worth the money? I paid $7, but I'll let you decide whether it was worth the money from the following stories.

Right when I walk in, I have people marking out for my shirt, which is a red, white, and blue, Ultimate Warrior logo shirt. We later learned that one of the guys complimenting my shirt was in the main event that night.

They had bench seating around the ring, and thank god I didn't take advantage of that. I was standing at a table, and a family got up off the bench right in front of me. There was one problem, the father was sitting on the end, and he was the last to get up from the bench. When the mother and daughter got up, their side of the bench flipped up, which means the Dad's side flipped down sending him to the concrete, hard. Luckily, he was fine, but it was still a complete clusterfuck as the people running the event tried to come up with a solution. They did eventually get it figured out.

One of the security guards was about 5'0" tall, and you could have easily convinced me that he was anywhere from 12-35 years old. And, oh man, did he get a massive power boner anytime he got to instruct the crowd to watch out. You would have thought a tank was about to roll through, when in reality, it was a shopping cart with a wrestler inside of it (seriously).

We got there a little late, but the matches that we saw early on were...not good. There were a lot of moves botched pretty badly, but this is a hobby for these guys, so it was fine. If you were looking for Sami Zayn vs. Antonio Cesaro, then you were going to be disappointed, but if you just wanted to sit back and be entertained, the matches did their job.

Huge props to the tag team that lost right before intermission. One guy was knocked out in the middle of the ring. His partner started pounding on his chest to revive him. Then, instead of mouth-to-mouth, he just poured a beer down his throat, and the dude was fully revived. They called it CPBR. If you aren't excited about the possibility of performing CPBRs with friends, then you must hate fun.

Oh shit, I almost forgot that Raven was there. Yeah, Raven was there. We thought that he had shaved his head, but it turns out that he just died his hair the same color as his skin, so it just kind of blended into his scalp.

Raven did commentary for the Raven's Rules (hardcore) Match. The most entertaining part of that was him calling out the guys anytime they didn't hit somebody hard enough. The highlights of the match were definitely each guy taking staples from a staple gun to the head. Also, there were tacks prominently involved in the match. There were two guys bleeding out of their foreheads for like 150 people. How cool is that? Trust me, it's awesome.

There was a tag match for the main event. Most of the match was pretty good; they messed up the ending, but shit happens. The funniest part of the match was that a girl tried to get a "Cut His Hair" chant going in the middle of the match and ran up to the ring with scissors. Unfortunately, she was supposed to wait until after the match was over to get that chant going, so one of the wrestlers had to shoo her away. But don't worry, folks, they did still cut his hair after the match. Although they used some dull scissors, and it looked like they were half cutting, half ripping out the guy's hair.

The highlight for my buddy and I was a guy standing next to us, who lives on three things...

Cigs, Dip, and Dew.

Throughout the entire night, this guy was blazing through cigarettes, spitting out chew like it was going out of style, and pounding his Mountain Dews to show that he was truly extreme. That alone was impressive to watch. On top of that, he seriously commented to me about how a local duo were a really good tag team. There was no sarcasm in his voice, no hint that it was staged, he admired their teamwork. It was still real to him, damnit.

Also, in the least shocking news possible, he was wearing a John Cena shirt.

On the opposite end of the shocking scale: No girlfriend. So ladies, trust me, your Prince Charming is out there.

If you don't think that is $7 worth of entertainment, there is something wrong with you. Support independent wrestling, you won't regret it.