The 14 Worst Things About XWF Episode 2

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The West Texas Rednecks Are The Greatest Country Music Act In History

As a native Iowan, I know a lot about country music. I can name double-digit country music recording artists off the top of my head. Don't believe me? Alan Jackson, Garth Brooks, uh Toby Keith...and seven others that I will not list since I don't want to dignify your hypothetical question. But yeah, I know A LOT about country music. You probably thought I named all of the country musicians, but I left one very important group off that list, and that is the greatest country music act in history, The West Texas Rednecks.

The West Texas Rednecks came together during the summer of 1999, and they immediately set the world on fire with their debut hit, "I Hate Rap."

It still holds up as possibly the greatest song in country music history. What many people may not know is that the West Texas Rednecks were actually professional wrestlers who just created chart-topping country music hits on the side. In fact, they came up with this song so they could feud with Master P and the No Limit Soldiers, but in their first try at creating music, they did something better than Master P had ever come close to in his entire career. If I know anything about the south, it is their love of hip hop culture, but even in rapping hotbeds like Alabama, Mississippi, and Florida, people could not get enough of this country music. Finally, even southerners could enjoy country music.

But the West Texas Rednecks did not just rest on their laurels with the success of "I Hate Rap." They went out and created a tune nearly as good with their second single, "Good Ol' Boys."

Pretty bold move by these guys to make a song with the same name as the theme from the Dukes of Hazzard, but that just shows you the confidence that these guys had in themselves as musicians.

They got a bit more of a budget in this video as this is pretty impressive technology for 1999.

But they still knew that it was all about the music. Some artists would have played it safe and gone with something similar to their first success. Sure, they could have written Funk is Bunk or Rhymes Are Crimes, but they evolved as artists with "Good Ol' Boys," even using a female vocalist for the refrain.

The most important thing is that they also got edgy in their lyrics. If you think crap was on the borderline of decency, well, they really pushed the envelope on this one.

We got an old hound dog and a pickup truck
We like the long-legged country girls who know how to...

Before I go on to that final word, let me think of something that I would like a country girl to know how to do. Oh, and it should also rhyme with truck. Could it be puck, and they have a weird obsession with hockey? Probably not. Tuck - I mean it is possible that they want to be tucked in for bedtime. Ugh, this is tough, Buck doesn't quite work. Cuck seems incredibly weird and a little too progressive for country music. Duck would help if they were on a dodgeball team. Fu...oh yeah, that's definitely it.

And it would have been, but they instead went with Love, which doesn't even rhyme and just shows you what they were really thinking. They say this line a second time and even drag out the pause to really let you know what they like to do with country girls.

Unfortunately, the band members went their separate ways shortly after their second hit and never recorded another song again. If their goal was to conquer country music, it's tough to blame them after they clearly achieved that goal. It doesn't matter whether they did it with talent or did it with luck; they were on the prowl to find those country girls who know how to...love.

Two songs, two number one hits. Nobody in music history can match that. You might call it great; I'd call it Perfect.

The Five Biggest Jobbers of Goldberg's Undefeated Streak

When working with Lukewarm Jonah on our instant classic piece of writing on Glacier, Jonah mentioned that Glacier lost to Goldberg. I looked into it and found out that Glacier didn't lose once to Goldberg. He lost three times to Goldberg. The streak was simply too high for him to go through 173 different opponents. So I decided to go through the list and break down the five biggest jobbers involved in Goldberg's streak. Instead of subjectively finding out whether Wayne Bloom is a bigger jobber than Chase Tatum (those names may be made up, but they made the list).

5. Brad Armstrong - 6
This is the type of jobber I would expect to see on this list. He's good enough to be in the ring with Goldberg on television, but he's bad enough where you don't really need the match going longer than three minutes. Four of his losses were at random house shows, but he did manage to get one loss on Nitro and even a match on SuperBrawl VIII. They both went something like this...

The only reason he gets in any offense is to anger Goldberg so he has a reason to finish him off. This makes a lot of sense. Also, if you have an Armstrong Curse sweatshirt, you are either the world's greatest wrestling fan or Brad Armstrong.

4. Curt Hennig - 7
It is ironic that the former Mr. Perfect was the victim of someone else's perfection seven times during this streak. Also, Curt Hennig is way too good to be jobbing out to Goldberg that many times. There was a loss on Nitro and at Bash at the Beach, but, by far, the most important loss that Hennig had was at the Goodwill Games. I'm just going to assume that in 1998, the Goodwill Games recognized pro wrestling as a legitimate sport and Goldberg won it all. Either that, or as an honor to Goldberg, they replaced the traditional first prize medals with Goldberg Medals, which had Bill's face on the gold medal so the athletes could aspire to something greater.

3. Jerry Flynn - 8
Jerry Flynn may be the most perfect jobber for a guy like Goldberg. I mean, the guy posed zero threat, but he was large enough to make all (two) of Goldberg's moves look impressive. This is probably my favorite Bill Goldberg match of all time.

The beginning of the match involves one of my favorite things, and that is pro wrestling not understanding how MMA submissions work. They trade submissions, and I think two out of seven were actually applied correctly. But it's nonstop, and then Goldberg slams him, hits his two moves and calls it a day. These two were pure magic together. It's kind of amazing that Jerry Flynn only lost eight times to Goldberg.

2. Saturn - 11
Most of Saturn's losses came on house shows, which makes sense. But still, he managed to get two PPV matches against Goldberg in Spring Stampede and Slamboree. Two weeks before his match against Goldberg, Saturn lost to Hammer and was kicked out of the flock. But after that, Saturn was able to beat Jerry Flynn in the week leading up to his US Title shot. Somehow, none of these epic matches are on YouTube. Honestly, that's probably for the best.

1. The Giant - 18
Yep, the biggest jobber is also the world's biggest athlete. When I saw that The Giant was number one, I was surprised, but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. He is bigger than everyone, so he should be this dominant force that can only lose by fluke, but instead his entire career has him going on massive losing streaks where he is asked to look like shit in order to build up other guys. He is the shit guy far more than the dominant force guy, so it doesn't even build up his opponent. The Giant should lose maybe three times in a year, but instead he managed to lose three matches to Goldberg on Nitros, all within a month. He just kept going out there and losing. It was near the end of The Giant's contract with WCW, so his most notable win in those last few months was either Disco Inferno or Raven in a no disqualification match. He also had a three week string of getting dominated by Goldberg at house shows, and those losses added up fast. In fact, they made him Goldberg's biggest jobber, both figuratively and literally.