The Ultimate WWE Fantasy Draft - Part Three

With Smackdown moving to a live show on Tuesdays, there are plenty of rumors about an upcoming brand split for the WWE. Instead of waiting for the WWE to pull off a disappointing draft routine, the ultimate tag team, Lukewarm Jonah and Hott Joe, came together this past week to have an old fashioned WWE Fantasy Draft. Our goal is to create the best possible roster to create a successful, moneymaking product.

Some things to know before we get started is that you draft guys for what they are likely to do in the future. The Rock is in this draft, but you don't get to draft him as a full-time wrestler, but he can be used 1-2 times a year to talk for a half hour and boost ratings. Another thing is that wrestlers automatically got their managers with them, so Miz comes with Maryse. Also, tag teams must be taken in pairs, and they must be taken with the first of your two back-to-back picks since we did a snake draft. For New Day, they would take up the person's next three picks, but they would stay together. And to create this list, we used the list of WWE personnel on Wikipedia, so our main roster included 118 picks. And that does not include NXT Superstars (Supplemental Draft) or Mr. McMahon, who is ominpresent for our purposes.

Since Jonah is a true gentleman, he offered me the first pick, and from there, we will have two picks each through the rest of the draft. We did part one earlier this week, and followed that up with part two yesterday, so let's move onto part three where things get really obscure and hilarious.

80-81. Joe selects JBL and David Otunga
What Jonah forgets about Booker T is the reason he only shows up for some PPVs and nothing else is that he runs a wrestling school/promotion and radio show in Houston. I hope he adds some talent later on, because Michael Cole on commentary alone would be...something.

As for my picks, what am I going to do with JBL? I'm not totally sure. But WWE crowds seem to really like him, so I'm sure there's some value in that. But David Otunga can be utilized in a variety of ways. He's the perfect buddy for the authority, and he has a great coffee mug.

82-83. Jonah selects JoJo and Tom Phillips
I was avoiding JBL like the plague, he’s become the most annoying shill I could imagine.  He’s like a bad parody of a wrestling commentator.  Anyways, Jojo can do more backstage interviews and look good doing them as well as some ring introductions.  Tom Phillips has been entertaining on NXT, he’s been a great straight man to the more entertaining Corey Graves, but providing that skill is never a bad thing.

84-85. Joe selects Primo and Epico
Did you guys hear? Puerto Rico is beautiful, and so is the depth of my tag team division.

86-87. Jonah selects The Ascension
Who’s worse Primo and Epico or The Ascension?  According to this draft I guess the Ascension, but they were over in NXT.  I’m turning them back into a conspiracy theory, Freemasons run the world, Illuminati tag team.  It literally can’t make them any less over.

88-89. Joe selects Mean Gene Okerlund and Charles Robinson
Now I know there are rules about expanding people's roles, but come on, can't we just make sure that "Mean" Gene Okerlund shows up for any show that is near his area. Gene is the damn best, and even if I can only have him around once a year, he'll still be a valuable mentor to every interviewer I have. Also, I got Lil' Naitch to take care of Charlotte now that her Dad is out of the picture.

90-91. Jonah selects Lita and Mike Chioda
Who better to talk about the women’s division than Lita?  No one that’s who.  She’s a Hall of Famer and a legend.  She’s great on pre shows, I’d be happy having her just putting over the women’s division on the pre show, but if Mean Gene can show up a little bit more, than so can Lita.  She would be the perfect figurehead of a new women’s division.  I mean her or Brooke Hogan.  Mike Chioda is a referee.  I recognize his name and his face.  He’s been a ref for years and years.

92-93. Joe selects Marcelo Rodriguez and Carlos Cabrera
Locking down the Latin Market by getting the only fluent Spanish announcers is a great deal for my global #brand. These guys make stars in the Latin American market, so it is a steal to get them this late in the game.

94-95. Jonah selects Lilian Garcia and Scott Armstrong
Joe is actually incorrect.  Lilian Garcia speaks perfect Spanish and is a great ring announcer.  Plus she can sing the National Anthem like a champ.  Have fun playing the national anthem on a boombox or something Joe.  Scott Armstrong is also a referee who I actually know, so he’s probably pretty good.

96-97. Joe selects Jerry Lawler and Rosa Mendes
Is Lawler pretty brutal at this point? No doubt, but let's not forget that this guy is a legitimate legend for what he did during the prime of his career, and even the haters still kind of love him for that. You may say Rosa Mendes is worthless, but just imagine Rosa Mendes vs. Brock Lesnar, and I think that is something that is very much worthwhile. Also, we can reunite her with Primo and Epico for...reasons!

98-99. Jonah selects Funaki and Chad Patton
Joe tries to take over the Latin market, but we all know what market is really exploding, the Asian market.  Funaki is Smackdown’s number one announcer, but he also does the play by play for the Asian markets.  Chad Patton continues the streak of referees that I’ve heard of, therefore are good.

100-101. Joe selects Tony Chimel and Drake Wuertz
Tony Chimel has managed to keep his job for a very long time, which means he knows where the skeletons are buried. Not only is Drake Wuertz a great referee, he's perfect in case I need a ref to get in a death match.

102-103. Jonah selects Byron Saxton and Dan Engler
Byron Saxton is on WWE TV every week.  I’m not sure why, but hey that’s got to mean something.  Dan Engler was Rudy Charles in TNA.  If he can survive TNA, then I know he can survive a nuclear war.

104-105. Joe selects Scott Stanford and Greg Hamilton
To get a certified Broski at 104 is great value in Scott Stanford, and Greg Hamilton is the number one guy who could benefit from any opportunity to be around Mean Gene.

106-107. Jonah selects Jerry Soto and Dasha Fuentes
Jerry Soto is a color commentator for the Spanish Team, and the co host of WWE en Espanol.  So despite what Joe thinks, I’ve got some people who can commentate in Spanish.  Dasha Fuentes is a lovely interviewer/ring announcer.

108-109. Joe selects John Cone and Shawn Bennett
John Cone is a referee who has been around for a while, and he is the WWE office referee, so he’s versatile no matter what he is officiating. Shawn Bennett is my wife’s favorite referee, so I took him to honor her. He seems to ref to the best of his abilities, so good for him.

110-111. Jonah selects Andrea D'Marco and Ryan Tran
Andrea D’Marco is a good looking ring announcer for NXT, and judging by her work in Portland, she’s got a good future.  Ryan Tran is a referee who used to be a wrestler.  He’s also Asian so if you don’t like him you’re racist.

112-113. Joe selects Rob Schamberger and Mike Rome
Rob Schamberger does the artwork for WWE, so this is going to be a huge moneymaker for my #brand. Still, I was a little disappointed to not get Andrea D'Marco as it is always a good idea to get attractive women involved in your product. I probably should have risked divorce and waited on Shawn Bennett. Mike Rome is my consolation prize.

114-115. Jonah selects Jason Ayers and Rob Zapata
These guys referee matches.  Whelp, that’s about it.

116-117. Joe selects Eddie Oregno and Danilo Anfibio
These are two NXT referees. I knew nothing about people at this point in the draft. I am sure they are fine people and will do a fine job for my #brand. Good lord, there are a lot of guys in this company. I can’t wait to do NXT next week.

118. Jonah selects Darrick Moore
I can’t believe Joe let Darrick Moore fall to me.  He’s also a referee.  That’s it.

And that wraps up the main roster part of this draft. Next week, it's the Supplemental Draft, aka, NXT Draft.

Scouting The NFL Draft - SEC/PAC-10 Defensive Linemen

Okay, it is time to move onto the SEC and PAC-10. I will admit that my first scouting report kind of sucks, but at least I am honest instead of just making up bullshit to make myself look smart. Also, today was a fun one to write as I am in love (in a total heterosexual dude-on-prospect sort of way) with the last guy I talk about.

Marcell Dareus - Nobody but talent evaluators seem to care about Dareus, as I couldn't find any good game footage from him. I watched Alabama a few times this season, and I can say that he didn't really pop out at me, but I also wasn't looking for him. He's had a lot of good reports on him, so best of luck to a probable Top-5 pick who I know very little about.

Nick Fairley - Would I draft Nick Fairley? No. Could I see myself regretting that down the road? Yes. He looked very impressive at times in the way he was able to immediately penetrate into the backfield. I think he has very impressive acceleration at the snap, but a lot of his big plays seemed to result at least in part to poor blocking. Defensive tackles don't get an unimpeded path to the quarterback in the NFL. He doesn't have good awareness or vision, but he's got great strength and speed to make up for it. He could be valuable in getting penetration inside, but I can just about guarantee that he'll be a liability against the run as he rushes upfield while the running back shoots through the hole that he vacates. On top of all of this, he has had some dumb penalties against him, and his temper could be used against him.  He's a top-five talent, but he's not a guy I would want to take a chance on.

Cameron Jordan - Jordan is really an ideal 3-4 end. When going up against Colorado, he showed that he's strong at the point of attack and does an excellent job of using his hands.  He gets an excellent bust off the line and has a great motor. He's also got really good instincts when diagnosing plays. I really don't have much bad to say about him other than he tends to go a little high when tackling which could make him look silly on occasion in the NFL. Also, when in that 3-4, he wasn't facing the best offensive linemen that Colorado had to offer as he was usually on the left side of the defense, but all the physical attributes are there and I loved how active his hands were. I see him as a Top-10 talent as a 3-4 end, and I'd probably go Top-15 if teams wanted to transition him to a 4-3 end.

Stephen Paea - Let me start off by saying that I do not care that he benched 225 pounds 49 times. That is very impressive, but it means nothing to me when evaluating him as a football player. With that being said, he does show power when he is on the football field, and that is important to me. When he stays low, he gets great penetration, but he has a tendency to get high and when he does this, he can be pushed back off the line of scrimmage. In the USC game, he showed a nonstop motor that was best exemplified when blocking Matt Barkley 40 yards downfield after an interception to help get his defensive back a touchdown. That's the type of play that really gets me excited about a player. And he shows it on every play as he never gets discouraged if he struggles against a block on first contact, always looks to join in on gang tackles, and just plays to the whistle. This is a guy I would be ecstatic about at the end of the first round (I really hope the Bears are reading this).

-Joe

P.S. Do you want to experience the most amazing nine minutes of your life? Then watch this Derrick Rose highlight video from the first game of the playoffs:

P.P.S. As awesome as Rose was, I have to admit that Deng doing this was probably my favorite moment of the game.

I'm pretty sure everybody but Korver would fight to protect Rose (I don't blame Kyle for this, he's a pretty man, and I'm guessing he wouldn't be much help anyway).

P.P.P.S. The refs have been terrible so far in the playoffs. They had a terrible offensive foul call on Melo that significantly hurt the Knicks, they missed a bad offensive goaltending call in the Nuggets game, and you could make a strong case that the Heat benefited greatly from the lack of foul calls against them.