The 41 Best Matches of WrestleMania 33 Weekend - 30-21

I am about five months younger than WrestleMania. After 30 years of being a wrestling fan, I made my first trip to WrestleMania out in San Jose/San Francisco for WrestleMania 31. It was pretty damn incredible. I know that makes me a giant nerd, and I am totally cool with that. Wrestling doesn't need to be cool, because it is hilarious and occasionally awesome. Two years later, it came to Orlando, and since that is less than two hours away, I knew that I would be making my second WrestleMania trip. Starting on Thursday, I saw WrestlePro, the WrestleCon Supershow, NXT Takeover, and of course, WrestleMania 33. Although I may be a nerd about wrestling, even I have to tap out after four nights of events, so I chose not to go to Raw or Smackdown. But I still saw a hell of a lot of wrestling, and today we move on to part two with some ECW staples and a surprising person going hardcore.

30. WrestlePro - World Champion Bobby Wayward def. Anthony Bowens, Sonjay Dutt and Matt Macintosh 

This was a good match, but I'm a whore for name recognition. Obviously, I knew Sonjay Dutt but hadn't heard of the other three guys, and it's hard to get totally invested in brand new guys unless they do something insane. It was still a good match but probably not a memorable one.

29. WrestleCon Supershow - Low-Ki def Shane Strickland

This match was good but also a little disappointing. I kept waiting for it to really hit that next gear, and it kind of stagnated with good chain wrestling but never the craziness that I would have expected. The ending was good, but I would have liked to see more offense from Strickland to take the match up a notch.

28. WrestleMania - Roman Reigns def. The Undertaker

I was never an Undertaker guy, so this match didn't exactly do it for me. It was fine, and as fine of a match as you can expect from someone who realistically should have retired five years ago. Roman won; that was the right decision, and I'm happy he did it in convincing fashion, but his five-word promo on Raw will be far more memorable than anything from this match.

27. WrestleMania - John Cena and Nikki Bella def. The Miz and Maryse

So this was the most cookie-cutter wrestling match of the weekend, but The Miz kind of saved it by making it a lot of fun. The end was never in doubt, but sometimes charisma can carry a rather nondescript wrestling performance. Good for Miz. Also, it's tough to top the evidence that true love exists.

26. NXT - Oney Lorcan defeated El Vagabundo
All anyone is going to talk about this match is that El Vagabundo was actually Elias Samson the whole time, but this was actually a pretty good match, even without the enjoyable stupidity of El Vagabundo. But yeah, El Vagabundo is great. I've been way higher on Elias Samson than most people, so I think he's finally got everything he needs to become loved by the NXT Universe.

25. WrestlePro - The Blue World Order def. Team WrestlePro
Yo, Stevie Richards is still in great shape. Although I don't think I'm quite ready for DDP Yoga yet, my fitness journey will inevitably lead me to DDP Yoga. The Blue Meanie looks exactly like you would expect, and Nova, well, let's just say he got off the Simon Dean plan and got on the Jimmy Dean plan. Was this some amazing match? No, but it was fun, and Team WrestlePro had Mario Bokara, a super proud Croatian, who, as a fellow Croat (25%, yo), was my favorite wrestler. I wasn't even an ECW guy, but this match worked for me.

24. WrestlePro - Swoogle def. Grado
I had zero expectations in this match, but it was actually pretty damn good. Grado is stupid and fun, and Swoggle got to play the tough guy and hit a bunch of German suplexes. As Broken Matt Hardy would say, it was "Wonderful." My biggest issue is that I had "Like a Prayer" stuck in my head for the next two days. I forgot how catchy that damn song is.

23. WrestlePro - Ryback def. Colt Cabana

So a lot of guys that leave the WWE for the indy scene, like Cody Rhodes, Drew Galloway, Johnny Mundo, etc. take their games to the next level when they are given a chance to shine. You're really only allowed to do so much in the WWE, and a change of scenery greatly helped those guys show how unbelievably talented they are. With Ryback, you get what you get. That's not a knock on Ryback, but he's your classic WWE big guy wrestler. He's going to deliver his power moves, throw a flying cross body when things get crazy, but never give you any holy shit moments. That's what this match was. Colt Cabana made it fun, but Ryback was going to win and he did, finally getting revenge on CM Punk blasting him on the Art of Wrestling.

22. WrestlePro - Jeff Cobb def. Fallah Bah
I am so high on Jeff Cobb it's ridiculous. Even if I didn't know anything about his Lucha Underground work, the dude is a former Olympic Wrestler, and that alone makes me know that this guy could become a huge star. He is so stupid strong that it is absolutely awesome to watch him wrestle. He took on Fallah Bah who looked to be near 400 pounds, but Cobb still powered him over in a suplex. Also, Fallah was pretty entertaining as Cobb was trying to knock him down, and he heartily replied, "No, no, no." The only thing catchier than, "Like a Prayer' is yelling "No, no, no" anytime you disagree with something.

21. WrestlePro - Brandi Rhodes def. Joey Ryan to win the DDT Ironman Heavymetal Title
Brandi Rhodes is a very attractive lady. That does not make her a great wrestler. But it’s not like she’s spent years crafting her talents on the indies, so she is what she is for right now, which is not good, but she may get better. Still, Joey Ryan is the perfect foil for any female opponent as he’s good enough in the ring for any move to happen, and he can add entertainment outside of the wrestling to keep fans entertained. Still, this match came down to one thing, Brandi Rhodes getting dropped on thumbtacks. Obviously, when thumbtacks came out, everyone expected Joey Ryan to be dropped in them, but they did a swerve, and there was a split second of silence before everyone erupted in cheers. Plus, she ended up overcoming all of that to submit Joey Ryan to win the HeavyMetal Title.

The 3 Best Jobbers in WWE History

There are some times where I will wax nostalgically on the past. This happens most often when looking at the WWE, or the WWF as it was known in the good old days. Watching the early days of Raw long for the days of jobbers. They are nearly extinct when it comes to WWE television, as the closest thing that they have really had were a variety of skinny guys that Ryback would beat up a couple years ago. Some would argue that Heath Slater is a jobber, but he wins occasionally and has a real gimmick where he speaks. That man is a superstar, and I'm looking for true jobbers.

Because of that, I would like to look at some of the best jobbers during the glory days of wrestling. Now there are people who will look at guys like The Brooklyn Brawler or Barry Horowitz, but those guys are way too mainstream and even had some victories. I want my jobbers to be total losers, and none personified the term better than these jabronis.

3. Reno Riggins
Riggins probably has the second best jobber name of all time. That's not just for jobbers; that's for wrestlers in general. Reno Riggins is strong. It may have even inspired Lorenzo Lamas's character in Renegade, Reno Reigns. Although he had a fairly good career in smaller organizations, he was strictly brought in to get beaten down when he made it to WCW and the WWE. Here is the definition of a squash match.

Things we learned in this match:

1. Reno Riggins is not related to John Riggins (helpful).
2. Reno Riggins is also not related to Christopher Columbus (I don't know why I would have thought he was).
3. Mabel is not related to Barney, even though they both wear purple (that's not how relation works).

Commentary in the 80s and 90s was truly a wondrous thing.

2. Tony Roy
Tony Roy had potential as he was in great shape for a jobber. But that hair? That hair is the hair of a full-blown jobber. The most successful person to have that hair is Spark Plug Bob Holly, who always got beat as Spark Plug, and then shaved his head to finally become somewhat relevant. Tony tried the shaved head thing and became Antoine Roy, but you probably don't remember that gimmick either. For relevant videos, I could have gone with something from his WWE days, but this seems most relevant.

Just firing frisbees up into the crowd to get completely over with the crowd. If you're looking for some WWE material, here is an epic match against IRS.

1. L.A. Gore
So this man is the reason that Reno Riggins only has the second best name in jobber history. L.A. Gore is about as perfect as it gets. He is the perfect combination of Hollywood and raw violence. He is all that is man. He managed four matches on Raw in 1993, which may have given him more appearances on WWE's flagship show in that first year than Undertaker and Hulk Hogan combined. Here is his epic match against Mr. Perfect.

L.A. Gore did not do his homework. You simply can't go for a back body drop against Mr. Perfect as it is the easiest setup for the Perfect Plex. Gore took a four year break from WWE before making a one match comeback to lose to Scott Putski.

L.A. Gore, you may have been forgotten by many, but for my money, there's no better jobber than you.

Antonio Cesaro Is The Greatest Thing In The WWE

Antonio Cesaro is the best thing in the WWE right now. That is not easy for me to say, as I can openly admit that I am a huge mark for Dolph Ziggler, and I know Seth Rollins personally. Still, I have to give credit where credit is due, and nobody has been better over the last couple months than the United States Champion, Antonio Cesaro.

I know I should be ashamed that I am a grown man, totally buying into wrestlers, but seriously, if you saw this guy you would understand. He has been great both inside and outside the ring. Here he is uppercutting the life out of people.


He's also strong. Not like he's obviously strong, because he's a pro wrestler, but he's like freakishly strong. To the point that if he took off a couple months to focus on it, I wouldn't bet against him in the World's Strongest Man competition. People think Ryback is strong, but compared to Antonio Cesaro, Ryback is like a child trying to arm wrestle Sly Stallone in Over the Top. Here's Ryback trying to pick up Tensai.


Yeah, not too impressive. Now here's Antonio Cesaro picking up Brodus Clay like a little baby.


Yep. And if you're still not convinced? Here he is doing it to Great Khali.

So, yeah, the dude is strong.

But he's not just great in the ring; he's great on the mic as well. Heels, or bad guys, as the common man may know them, love to troll people to get a rise out of them. Cesaro has done this, but he has done it better than anyone before him. It is common for a wrestler to make fun of fans, and he started by doing this, preaching about his superiority to the common fan, and he was totally right. He became the US Champion and talked about fat and stupid Americans. This was very solid stuff, but then he got better at it. He started praising America as the greatest country ever, while still disparaging Americans for being fat and lazy. This was amazing, because it was totally true, which pisses people off even more. Then he took it a step further by bringing out an American flag out there with him.

He was getting booed vociferously while carrying the red, white, and blue. This has never happened before in the history of the United States. What could be worse than that? Carrying a GIANT American Flag to the ring. Oh yeah, and then he put an American Flag design on his trunks to top it all off.

Oh, you need further evidence of his brilliance? How about this?

Antonio Cesaro is the best. I highly suggest getting on the bandwagon now, because it is filling up fast. Also, if you're reading this, you are probably one of those fat, lazy, Americans that he talks so much about, so please take the stairs before jumping on the bandwagon.