The Ultimate WWE Fantasy Draft

With Smackdown moving to a live show on Tuesdays, there are plenty of rumors about an upcoming brand split for the WWE. Instead of waiting for the WWE to pull off a disappointing draft routine, the ultimate tag team, Lukewarm Jonah and Hott Joe, came together this past week to have an old fashioned WWE Fantasy Draft. Our goal is to create the best possible roster to create a successful, moneymaking product.

Some things to know before we get started is that you draft guys for what they are likely to do in the future. The Rock is in this draft, but you don't get to draft him as a full-time wrestler, but he can be used 1-2 times a year to talk for a half hour and boost ratings. Another thing is that wrestlers automatically got their managers with them, so Miz comes with Maryse. Also, tag teams must be taken in pairs, and they must be taken with the first of your two back-to-back picks since we did a snake draft. For New Day, they would take up the person's next three picks, but they would stay together. And to create this list, we used the list of WWE personnel on Wikipedia, so our main roster included 118 picks. And that does not include NXT Superstars (Supplemental Draft) or Mr. McMahon, who is ominpresent for our purposes.

Since Jonah is a true gentleman, he offered me the first pick, and from there, we will have two picks each through the rest of the draft. Let's get it going with part one.

1. Joe selects Seth Rollins
Is this a homer pick? Well, I do share a hometown with Rollins, so you could say so, but he's the best pick to go with if you are creating a brand. He's shown he can be a top heel, and I think people forget how good he is in the ring, because he hasn't been held back from shining. The only thing that's held him back is that he actually wrestled like a heel so he held back from some of his most entertaining moves. There's nobody I'd feel more confident in leading my brand.

2-3. Jonah selects Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose
With Rollins gone, I went with the other two members of The Shield.  Sure Roman Reigns is getting booed into oblivion, but he’s already been in two Wrestlemania main events and just needs to be booked correctly, and I’m just the man to do it.  If you don’t believe me read the article I wrote about how to book Roman Reigns.  Dean Ambrose is super over.  He’s been putting on better matches recently, honestly he’s not my favorite guy but the crowd absolutely loves him, he cuts a great promo, and I feel his in ring work has really stepped up in recent months.  Plus these two fighting each other once Reigns turns heel is a Wrestlemania worthy main event.

4-5. Joe selects Cesaro and Sami Zayn
So Jonah took the other members of The Shield, which was fine by me. I'm not a Dean Ambrose guy, and the internet seems to hate Roman Reigns, so I went with a couple guys that the internet loves in Cesaro and Sami Zayn. Let's not forget that these two may have had the best match in NXT history with their 2-out-of-3 falls match. I actually had Cena and Cesaro ranked highest on my list, but I couldn't resist the chance to pair Cesaro and Zayn, which basically means that I'm going to have the best main events imaginable.

6-7. Jonah selects Kevin Owens and AJ Styles
Joe taking Cesaro and Sami Zayn hurt, but I just like Joe too much to steal Cesaro from him with one of my first two picks.  Zayn is awesome, but I would put Kevin Owens ahead of him.  The work he’s done is main event level.  I gave serious thought to picking Owens with one of my first two picks so I’m very happy to get him here.  AJ Styles is older, but still very fresh in the eyes of the WWE and they’ve already made him a main eventer.  Styles has already had amazing matches with Reigns and Owens, he can fight anyone, put on a fantastic match and the crowd will care.

8-9. Joe selects John Cena and Brock Lesnar with Paul Heyman
Needless to say, I was pretty happy to get the face that runs the place with the eighth pick in the draft. He probably should have been the first pick in the draft, but I'll gladly reap the benefits. There are so many John Cena haters that people forget that he is BY FAR the biggest star in the company and also puts on great matches when he is up against great wrestlers. To top it off with Brock Lesnar who I would watch wrestle anybody and I get the services of Paul Heyman makes it well worth it, even if Lesnar is only around about a third of the year. Just think about Lesnar vs. Cesaro or Sami Zayn, or a triple threat match, or a fatal fourway with Rollins. Oh man, I'm fantasy booking my fantasy wrestling team; this may be nerd overload.

10-11. Jonah selects Rusev with Lana and Randy Orton
Obviously both Cena and Lesnar were high on my radar.  I’m a little worried about Cena returning from this injury.  He’s getting up there in years, but if he was here I definitely would have taken him.  Same with Lesnar, but I went with year round top performers over the great Lesnar.  Anyways, Rusev is awesome.  The guy is one of the most entertaining promos in the company, he looks like he could kill you, and he puts on good matches.  He should already be in the main event and he will pair nicely with all the other talented, entertaining guys I have on my roster.  Lana is a nice plus, she’s shown athleticism in the ring, and was super over before they turned her American then back to Russian.  Randy Orton is a well known veteran.  He’s pretty solid in the ring, and it’s good to have a veteran presence on the roster.  Really he’s been presented as Cena’s equal and rival for a decade.

12-13. Joe selects Charlotte and Sasha Banks
This is where having back-to-back picks can either set you up or absolutely kill you. I took the top two women's wrestlers and instantly made my division dominant over his, no matter what he is able to acquire from here on out. I, like the rest of the internet, love Sasha Banks, and Charlotte is an absolute freak. I knew I was setting up Jonah for his next pick, but I felt like locking down women's wrestling was worth the risk of being Booty.

14-16. Jonah selects The New Day
I was sad that Joe took Charlotte and Sasha, or really, just Sasha.  Here’s the thing about the New Day though, Big E is a future world champion.  Great look, tons of charisma, great matches, it’s pretty simple.  Kofi has been solid for a decade, and Xavier Woods went from being absolutely nothing to being part of the best group going today.  He’s still plenty young and can go in the ring, I’ll book him a new, cooler looking finisher and he’ll be good to go for years.

17-18. Joe selects Dolph Ziggler and Alberto Del Rio
It's really tough to argue with anybody in the top 16 picks. They're the biggest stars in the company. I selected Dolph Ziggler, who could be higher and could be much lower, but it's Dolph Ziggler, and even though it's been a little more miss than hit lately, he has the potential to rising back up. Also, Ziggler/Lesnar sounds like an incredibly fun match to me (Note: Lesnar/Insert Wrestler Human Here always sounds great to me). After that, I went with Alberto Del Rio, mostly because I remember how totally awesome Alberto El Patron was, so I know what kind of incredible potential he has.

19. Jonah selects The Miz with Maryse
I am a big fan of Dolph, and have a “Saving Dolph Ziggler” booking article working, but he just didn’t fall to me.  The Miz is really underrated.  I’m not sure how he’s been able to do it, but he’s been a main eventer, mid carder, and jobber, and really he does them all well.  He’s a veteran who can work with anyone and actually put on decent matches.

20-21. Joe selects Enzo and Big Cass
Enzo is the type of guy that could go into a monastery and get the monks to cheer for him. You can't teach that.

22-23. Jonah selects Bray Wyatt and Sheamus
The previous pick was the realest pick in the room.  I waited a little longer on Bray Wyatt than I normally would have knowing that Joe doesn’t like him.  The Wyatt family was about to destroy the League of Nations before Wyatt’s injury and it was the first time anyone made any noise during a League of Nations segment.  Wyatt is a guy I genuinely believe will be a main eventer, just needs a little bit of a gimmick change.  Whoops sorry Sheamus don’t read that sentence about how much the League of Nations suck.  Sheamus is still a multiple time world champion, including as recently as just a few months ago.   He’s a big brawler, should be a good heel, but for some reason generates no heat.  My booking team will fix that.

24-25. Joe selects Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson
So far, Gallows and Anderson have been fairly pedestrian. They didn't get the best feud as they are more of a sideshow than a main attraction. Still, there is no better bad guy tag team to have around, so at best, you can run them as champions, and at worse, they are enforcers who just come in and kick ass.

26-27. Jonah selects Kalisto and Becky Lynch
Kalisto should be the new Rey Mysterio.  Instead they’ve been having him wrestler super boring matches against big guys.  I’ll have him fight guys who can keep up with him and sell millions of Kalisto masks to kids.  Becky Lynch is as good as Charlotte.  There I said it.  I know Charlotte’s the champ, but Sasha is the cream of the women’s division in the WWE now, and Charlotte and Becky Lynch are 2A and 2B.  Lynch is as good in the ring as Charlotte, and it may just be me but I’d rather listen to Lynch’s accent then Charlotte shout random words during a promo.

28-29. Joe selects Apollo Crews and Neville
It was at this point where I realized how stupid deep WWE's roster is. I know they have some injuries, but how are they struggling to fill three hours with this many great wrestlers? I'm not totally sure what they are doing with Apollo Crews, but I think that there is no wrestler who would benefit more from a brand split. Hopefully they continue his feud with Sheamus, as even in a loss, it could help elevate him. Neville is basically a better Kalisto without the mask; people forget that. Had he not gotten hurt, he could have truly elevated things in the Ladder Match at WrestleMania, but he could be a ton of fun against just about anybody on my roster.

30-31. Jonah selects Chris Jericho and Paige
Jericho really went later than he should have.  His work since he’s come back is his best in years and if you don’t believe that then you’re a stupid idiot.  He’s still very good in the ring, he’s always been great on the mic, and he can host the Highlight Reel.  He’s back to put wrestlers over, but he’s still a recognized threat.  Pairing someone lower on the totem pole with him will elevate them even if Jericho wins to keep his threat.  Paige is awesome and has been buried for some reason.  She’s in her early 20s, and is still one of the top women’s wrestlers in the company.  Grabbing Paige after Lynch is my way of making sure my women’s division is legitimate.

32-33.  Joe selects Luke Harper and Triple H
Luke Harper = Great Wrestler; that's all you need to know. Triple H will probably be around as a wrestler for two months, but he can benefit everything by throwing his weight as an authority figure behind a younger wrestler.

34-35. Jonah selects Baron Corbin and Titus O'Neil
I was disappointed that Joe took Luke Harper.  Harper really should be the WWE’s new monster.  He’s like the old monsters except better in the ring.  Since Joe took Harper I needed to take Baron Corbin as my new monster.  Guy hates indy wrestlers, small wrestlers, whoever.  He’s got a bright future ahead and I love his entitled gimmick.  Titus O’ Neil is probably a bit of a shock, but I like what he does in the ring even though it’s not overly complicated.  His bark is entertaining to the crowd and he provides incredible PR.  You’re looking at the Celebrity Dad of the Year and he’s on my roster.

36-37. Joe selects Big Show and The Rock
These are my spectacle picks. Big Show is the largest athlete out there, and you can always use that to legitimize guys by temporarily turning him into a monster. I also drafted The Rock, because even though he is probably only showing up 1-2 times a year to cut a 30 minute promo, it will boost my ratings and brand appeal.

38-39. Jonah selects Kane and Braun Strowman
Joe took the Big Show, so I felt I had to strike back with Kane.  I’ll be honest, I’d book him both as the monster Kane and as Corporate Kane.  Two faces of Jacobs is almost as good as three faces of Foley.  He’s a veteran, has absolutely no problem losing to anyone, and was a very entertaining backstage figure.  Strowman is raw.  He needs time to develop.  However his size, strength, and intensity are a great base.  By keeping him with Wyatt for a bit, Strowman should be able to actually develop into another new monster.

That's all for part one, we'll be back with part two tomorrow.

The 10 Best Things In The WWE: May 2016

Since it's Memorial Day, we're going minimal for the May WWE Rankings. Just list it out so everybody can get back to their BBQ.

10. New Day
9. Dana Brooke
8. Enzo and Big Cass
7. Seth Rollins
6. Roman Reigns
5. AJ Styles
4. The Miz
3. Kevin Owens
2. Sami Zayn
1. Cesaro

I put approximately 45 seconds of thinking into these rankings, so they are undeniable.

The 10 Best Things In The WWE: April 2016

As the old saying goes, April showers bring May Flowers. In the WWE, the saying goes, April Shaners bring May Kaners. That's right, Shane O'Mac is going to bring back Kane to keep him in power for April. Did I come up with this opening very late at night while needing to get some sleep? You betcha, but April had WrestleMania, and the most debuts ever. It's been crazy, and this will definitely be the most competitive month that we have had in 2016.

Honorable Mention: Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson, The Vaudevillains, The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Stardust, Apollo Crews, Charlotte, Becky Lynch, Sasha Banks, and New Day. Yeah, this month was so stacked that I couldn't include The New Day. That's insane, but it was partially helped by them taking the month off. Now onto the top 10.

10. Zack Ryder (Last Month: Uh, was he even employed?)
Let us never forget his Intercontinental Title reign. It was a great moment. Scott Hall held his belt, and we learned that Ryder overcame cancer as a child. Zack Ryder is great. Woo Woo Woo, You Know It!

9. Shane McMahon (Last Month: 10)
He went through a dang table. Yeah, the rest of his match was garbage. But still, that table spot made me ill to my stomach watching him on top of the cage. That's good work right there.

8. Baron Corbin (Last Month: Feuding with midgets)
It was always just a matter of time for Baron Corbin, as the guy really started to get it once he became a heel, and he was already blessed with a frame that the WWE loves. He made an impact with his debut, winning the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal. Now he's feuding with Dolph Ziggler which is just about the best possible feud for both guys. It doesn't matter who wins, because both guys will look good for being involved in it.

7. The Miz (Last Month: Bring back Mizdow)
So we have the most stacked month of WWE greatness, and still, The Miz makes the list? Yes, and deservedly so as The Miz has quietly been kind of excellent lately. His in-ring stuff is only solid, but they're accentuating what he does well. In a ladder match, he can pop up for short periods, hit a big spot and disappear for a while, and now he just does talking where he tricks poor Zack Ryder to take the title and is a total shitheel which is perfect as everyone wants to see Cesaro annihilate him from this Earth. On top of that, Maryse is a great addition for The Miz, as him having his wife accompany him is somehow an awful heel move when done by Miz. Just a great month for him.

6. Chris Jericho (Last Month: 6) 
Bad Jericho is back, which is great for business. Let's face it, Jericho was always best as a heel, and lately, he hasn't really found a good niche as a good guy or bad guy. But he's finally found that niche as a heel who hates guys who were beloved on the independents, and it looks like he's having a lot of fun with it, so it's been fun for everybody. Jericho is still putting on great matches, and his character work has been great lately. He'll probably be gone soon, so take a moment to enjoy how great of a professional wrestler Chris Jericho is.

5. AJ Styles (Last Month: 7)
Styles has quickly adjusted to the WWE style, and he might even win a World Title in a couple days. He keeps putting on fun matches, and he has the whole crowd behind him. Is he great at speaking? No, but he doesn't have to be to still be great.

4. Cesaro (Last Month: Probably saving the world with his freakish strength)
Cesaro is another guy who doesn't have to be great at speaking to still be great, but pairing him with The Miz is a really good call. Cesaro could wrestle a broomstick and get a great match out of it, so that's never an issue, but since The Miz is such a nerd, it's easy for Cesaro to play the cool guy. Suitsaro is a character I can definitely get fully behind (almost as great as US Champion Cesaro who loved the USA but hated Americans). But Cesaro's the greatest. He should never lose, ever, and we should enjoy every day that we get to share the Earth with him.

Oh, and how awful was it that the day before Cesaro debuted his ripaway suit, The Rock ripped away his clothes to reveal his wrestling gear underneath? Damnit, Rock, you somehow unintentionally buried someone almost as well as you intentionally do it.

3. Kevin Owens (Last Month: 1)
Kevin Owens continues to be great. He was a central part of that incredible ladder match at Mania, and he has continued to be great with every interaction he has. Finally, he gets to face Sami Zayn, and, well...let's just get to the next guy.

2. Sami Zayn (Last Month: 8)
I have made no efforts to hide my love for Sami Zayn. He's wonderful, and it's great to see him on the main roster. He has fought back to take on his arch nemesis, so this is finally time for his revenge. So we all know what's going to happen? Yeah, Sami is losing. He has to lose; that's what Sami Zayn does. He makes us care and loses, and somehow we never stop caring, because, man, do we want the best for Sami. He's put on nothing but fun matches since he got moved up, and that's not going to stop anytime soon.

1. Enzo and Cass (Last Month: Realest guys in the room, now realest guys in largest room)
Enzo has been the hottest of fire on the microphone since getting promoted. They could not have done any better with any second of the opportunity that they have been given. They didn't even wrestle on the biggest card of the year this month, and they still take the top spot, and I must say that it has a lot to do with Enzo having maybe the best one-liner of the last decade, "We're like A cups, because we're real, whether you like us or not." I don't even have the words to describe how perfect that line is. Bless you, Enzo and Cass. You are the realest guys in the room.

How you doin.

Breaking Down The Betting Odds For WrestleMania 32

It’s the most wonderful time of the year as I, Lukewarm Jonah, make a surprise return to tag team with Hott Joe and dole out WrestleMania betting advice.  According to Suze Orman, this is the year to get rich off betting on predetermined outcomes, so let’s get going.

Streetfight:
Brock Lesnar 4/9
Dean Ambrose 9/4

Jonah: Let’s start it out with a good old fashioned streetfight.  “Crazy” Dean Ambrose taking on “Man built specifically for hand to hand combat” Brock Lesnar.  I’ll be honest, I’ve been going back and forth on who is going to win this match.  It makes sense to have Ambrose win and really elevate him to the main event scene.  It also makes sense to have Lesnar win because he’s Brock Lesnar.  I’m taking the favorite Lesnar here, with the old “Ambrose looks strong in defeat”.  I guess go for a Bret Hart/Steve Austin type finish where Ambrose won’t quit but the ref stops it.

Joe: So, it's a Street Fight? Anytime I hear that term, I always think back to the Road Warriors challenging Lex Luger and Sting to a Chicago Street Fight. Luger accepted the challenge and then asked Sting, "What's a Chicago Street Fight?" Lex Luger was a really great heel before the nWo showed up. Anyway, what were we talking about? Oh yeah, Ambrose and Lesnar. I'm going to take Lesnar as he's kind of reached the level that you should always bet on him, because it makes no sense for him to ever lose.

Team BAD and Blonde vs. Total Divas
Team BAD and Blonde +340
Team Total Divas -400

Jonah: It’s a thrilling preshow match with women who don’t like each other for some reason.  In the buildup to this match I thought Team BAD and Blonde would win and I’m sticking with that prediction even though they’re underdogs.  Lana was the featured diva in this buildup so I think her team wins with her getting the pinfall.

Joe: You're wrong, dude, and I'll fight you about it. How dare you think Team Total Divas are going down. With Daniel Bryan, John Cena, one of the Usos, the guy with no body hair, and the big goofball on their side, there's no way these ladies lose. I'll take Eva Marie by pinfall over Lana with interference from Jeremy (I assume one of the dudes on Total Divas name's is Jeremy).

Chris Jericho vs. AJ Styles
Chris Jericho -105
AJ Styles -135

Jonah: Very surprised that this match is a pick em.  I’ve got to go with AJ Styles.  Styles has come in with a bang.  He’s over with the crowd and is putting on fantastic matches.  They’ve got a main eventer here if they don’t blow it.  Jericho has been really good in his most recent run, but he has no problem putting guys over and Styles is the smart safe pick here.

Joe: This version of Jericho is the best he's been in at least half a decade. The WWE finally found a good match with him, a true face that the fans love that can go out and have good matches. Jericho has always been entertaining in the ring, but he is somebody who could use a good counterpart. Still, I'm with you on this one. Crazy that this is a pick em, I mean, you've got to think that AJ Styles is due for his Fandango-level WrestleMania moment.

Women’s Championship Match:
Charlotte 7/4
Sasha Banks 1/2
Becky Lynch 7/1

Jonah: Joe and I have already talked a bit about this match, and it’s no surprise that the heavy favorite here is Banks.  She’s phenomenal in the ring, phenomenal at promos, and even has our favorite entrance music.  Whenever I’m feeling down, I just put that song on repeat and remember that I’m a boss.  The shock here is that Lynch is a 7/1 dog.  In my opinion, she’s the second most likely winner, I think there’s a much better chance of her winning than Charlotte retaining.  The evil heel who cheats to win will finally get her comeuppance on the biggest stage of them all and one of her Horsewomen running mates will be victorious.  I’m torn, I do think Banks will win, but there’s always some surprises at Mania and 7/1 are such sweet odds.  I’ll be boring and take Banks winning by theme song domination.

Joe: And I'm going with Charlotte retaining. If it was one-on-one with Sasha Banks, I would definitely take Sasha. But with the triple threat, Charlotte can beat Becky (likely by nefarious means) and brag about how great she is. And this sets up Bayley finally joining the main roster. She can lose her title to Asuka on Friday night, and then there is really no reason for her to be in NXT. She could debut at the following night's Raw, or she could even debut at Mania to make a save (I could see Becky turning heel and joining Charlotte if that were the case). There are lots of options, but almost all of them involve Charlotte retaining her title. Guess what? I had a change of heart. I'm picking Sasha to take the title. With rumors of a Women's Title replacing the Divas Championship, they need a new champion, and they could still do all of that Bayley debut thing with Sasha, but more as a badass face (Sasha) vs. beloved face (Bayley) confrontation on Monday's Raw.

US Title Match
Kalisto -140
Ryback +125

Jonah: The US Title match is close to a pick em, with Kalisto being a slight favorite.  This means you just need to pick whoever you think is going to win this match.  I’m going with Kalisto.  The WWE used to have a little guy who wore a mask and did cool moves.  It worked out really well for them before.  Ryback now has done a random heel turn that no one cares about as well.  Look out Kane and Big Show, there’s a new big guy who randomly turns face and heel.

Joe: I kind of like the idea of an entitled Ryback winning the title, because he "looks" like a champion. He's actually been kind of good in this role in that he's not mean, it's just the way that it is. Ryback wins after reading the entirety of The Secret and Kalisto falls asleep like a little baby and gets pinned.

Hell In A Cell For Control of Monday Night Raw:
The Undertaker 8/11
Shane McMahon 9/4

Jonah: This is my favorite match of the evening.  I mean look how many words it took me just to write out what was going on in this match.  It’s also my favorite match for making money.  I’m on Team Shane O’ Mac 100%.  I was shocked when I looked at the odds and saw he was an underdog.  I mean the only logical way for the story to progress is to have Shane win and take control of Raw.  He’s also got some secret to tell that he hasn’t spilled the beans on yet.  Shane wins via interference from Dolph Ziggler or Sting or Roadblock or someone and you get paid out at better than 2/1 on your money.  Here Comes The Money indeed.

Joe: I'm taking Shane as well, but I see a different ending. I think the logical move here is that Shane throws everything he has at the Undertaker, but he gets hit with the tombstone. As Vince celebrates and yells at Taker to pin him, Taker pauses, incensing Vince. Then Taker does the honorable wrestler thing and goes out on his back. Vince announced this would be his last match, so Taker goes out on his back, pulls an unconscious Shane over him to screw over Vince and give Shane control of Monday Night Raw.

How Is This Match Happening, Let Alone on WrestleMania?
The Usos 2/5
The Dudley Boys 7/4

Jonah: So, what an underwhelming match we have here.  I mean I guess the Usos are favorites because the bad guys have been getting the upper hand the whole feud.  They’ve been around for awhile, but the crowd is just so apathetic towards them.  I’m going upset Dudley Boys here, but the real question is, who cares?

Joe: I care. The Dudley Boys won a bunch of tag titles when I wasn't watching wrestling, and The Usos are fine, like I don't really get why they are any more popular than The Ascension, but they're fine. That is why this match is so important. It is a match. Oh, wait, I guess you're right. I don't care either. I'll pick The Usos to win with help from the entire cast of Total Divas (outside of the important people like Cena and Daniel Bryan).

The Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal:
Braun Strowman 4/5
Bray Wyatt 5/1
Kane 13/2
Mark Henry 8/1
Randy Orton 8/1
Erick Rowan 25/1
Big Show 33/1
Samoa Joe 33/1
Bo Dallas 125/1
Curtis Axel 125/1
Damien Sandow 125/1
Fandango 125/1
Goldust 125/1
Heath Slater 125/1
Jack Swagger 125/1
R-Truth 125/1
Tyler Breeze 125/1

Jonah: So remember two years ago when this match started?  It was treated like a huge deal.  Now, it’s a preshow match.  It’s the Royal Rumble, but without any of the excitement or interest.  Anyways, I was hoping Strowman would be longer odds because he’s been protected really well and seems like a great guy to have win the battle royal and make himself important.  But I’m not picking the favorite in a match like this.  Samoa Joe is an interesting inclusion at 33/1, but I’m going longer odds.  I am legitimately picking Jack Swagger.  He’s been winning more, he and Mark Henry won a multi team match to be in the Royal Rumble and he was the face they chose to fight Chris Jericho in Canada.  It’s a great way to revamp a talented wrestler who isn’t very good on the mic, but still has a lot of years and is a good hand in the ring.  He’s probably one of five guys I’d pick to win the match and his odds are 125/1, I’ll take that all day.

Joe: I pick the same person to win this thing every year, and I don't see any reason to change now. Cesaro is scheduled to be on the European Tour that is right after WrestleMania, so he's either making a comeback at Mania or the next night on Raw. I think the next night on Raw is far more likely, but my heart will always pick Cesaro. Since he is off the board, and I'm supposed to help people win money, go with Tyler Breeze, because Breeze is fantastic and deserves to be treated as such (don't go with Tyler Breeze if you want to win money; go with Braun Strowman).

Tag Team Match:
The New Day 7/5
The League of Nations 1/2

Jonah: Wait a minute, The New Day are underdogs to the League of Booty?  Seriously?  I expected big odds the other way.  Honestly, I’m not sure why the odds are this way besides the fact that The League has lost so many times that maybe they’re due for a win?  But no, I’ll take the entertaining, charismatic group, over the half awesome half crap group any day.

Joe: Well, there are four of them. That should give them quite an advantage. I'm not sure what the end game is with this match. Like, who cares if League of Nations wins? Isn't that just a giant shrug from the crowd? And if New Day wins, we celebrate, but we don't actually care. This is a garbage match on paper, and there are a lot of fun guys in this match. I'm not going to just up and forget how much I love Rusev, but I can't really see any reason for New Day losing, so I'll go with the unicorns.

Intercontinental Title Ladder Match:
Kevin Owens 2/5
Sami Zayn 2/1
Dolph Ziggler 10/1
The Miz 25/1
Sin Cara 33/1
Zack Ryder 50/1
Stardust 50/1

Jonah: The dastardly heel who has been winning by the skin of his teeth is the overwhelming favorite?  Kevin Owens is a great character.  He’s a great wrestler.  He’s a surefire main eventer as long as they don’t screw it up, so it’s almost guaranteed that they’ll screw it up.  Anyways, I’m going with Dolph Ziggler.  I love Ziggler, but man they love to start and stop his pushes like crazy.  Still, Ziggler has a great chance of winning this match and he’s 10/1.  Too good of odds to pass up.  I do hope that Sin Cara, Zack Ryder, or Stardust somehow win the match, but that’s not very realistic.

Joe: If this were a one-on-one match between Owens and Zayn, then I would definitely be picking Sami Zayn to win the title. With everybody involved though, I do think Kevin Owens finds a way to retain. It only makes sense for Owens to retain, brag about it, but then get stuck in a one-on-one match with Sami Zayn where he finally loses the title.

World Heavyweight Championship Match:
Triple H 4/1
Roman Reigns 1/5

Jonah: Two years ago I made the mistake of betting against Cena when he was an underdog because it made sense in a storyline for him to lose.  Last year I made the mistake of betting against Triple H when he was an underdog because it made sense for him to lose.  I’m not making those mistakes again.  Against all wresting logic, against trying to get their own guy over, I’m going with Triple H.  If you don’t think that somewhere in Triple H’s mind he needs to go over at the largest attended WrestleMania in history then you have more faith in him than I do.  Maybe after he wins he’ll give him a condescending handshake and tell him “You did good kid” but Triple H somehow stands tall at the end of the night.  The other, much more likely scenario, is that Rollins comes down, Triple H thinks he’s going to help him win, but he takes Triple H out and The Shield reforms so that the crowd can cheer and go home happy and actually support Reigns.

Joe: Well, you stole my thunder with the surprise Seth Rollins appearance, but I do kind of expect that one to happen. There are a lot of rumors about him starting to work out in the ring, and I wouldn't be surprised if he was closer to coming back than people expect. Still, I don't really see the benefit of him helping either side at this point. So I'll predict that Roman Reigns wins, gets booed by the Mania crowd, and then gets attacked by Seth Rollins to huge cheers and everybody goes home happy.

Surprises You Can't Bet On:

Jonah: Dolph Ziggler will be involved in the Undertaker Shane McMahon match.  I think he’ll interfere on behalf of Shane, but it’s still possible he interferes on behalf of The Authority and turns heel.  Either way I think that makes him a good bet for the Intercontinental Title Match.  I’m also predicting appearances from Stone Cold Steve Austin and Shawn Michaels.  I mean it’s Texas after all.  Finally, my greatest prediction of all.  I believe GOP frontrunner, the possible next president of these United States, Donald Trump will make an appearance as well..

Joe: Although I mentioned an appearance from Cesaro, I'm really leaning towards that happening at Raw the next night. The return that I could see coming is the one I just mentioned with The Architect, Seth Rollins. Let's be real here; that main event match needs something to happen, and I think a Rollins run-in (back-to-back years) is just what it needs.

I'll also say that Sasha Banks is escorted to the ring by Snoop Dogg, and I think there is enough pomp and circumstance for her to have the best WrestleMania entrance this year (last year's winner was obviously Rusev on a tank).

My final prediction is that The Fabulous Freebirds attempt to show how not racist they are, but they do it in blackface, which ruins their intended purpose.

Happy WrestleMania everyone!

Let's Remember Faarooq Asad

Faarooq Asad is one of those characters that has stuck with me far past his influence should have. I think this is partly that I was a huge Ron Simmons fan in WCW, wondered why he was no longer wrestling (remember: this is pre-internet), and then saw him show up in WWE as...a...I don't know, an oversized baby with a bad alien warrior outfit?

And here's the thing, he kind of came in like an awesome badass. He just came down and beat the shit out of Ahmed Johnson. It would have given him immediate legitimacy, but he was dressed up as a futuristic space gladiator, and nobody quite knew what that meant.

On top of this, he was given Sunny as a manager, and they just didn't fit together. It was a little like when they put Cesaro with Paul Heyman. On paper, the pairing seemed like a great idea, but it wasn't the right fit, nor the right time. Cesaro was finally starting to get cheered, and Paul Heyman is at his best when he is trying to get heat from the crowd, so it put Cesaro in this weird limbo. Faarooq Asad is this futuristic space warrior who is only about destroying anyone in his path, but they give him an upbeat blonde who was the most downloaded woman on the internet. Sunny was great at getting a reaction, but she wasn't the person to help Faarooq get the correct reaction.

But that's nitpicking. The big issue was the outfit. I mean, just look at this asshole.

There is literally no way for a guy to get over while wearing that.

The only thing they got right in the early going was his first interview. Do you know the thing that he talked about to make the crowd hate him? He told Ahmed Johnson that he should respect women. Sadly, that worked, because if there is one thing the WWE Universe hates, it is definitely women.

And yet, this version of Faarooq stuck with me far more than his Nation of Domination run where my only takeaway is that he started it, but it's most important moment was The Rock taking it over. I'll always remember you Weirdo Space Warrior, Faarooq Asad, maybe not fondly, but I'll remember you all the same.

2016 Royal Rumble Predictions With Betting Odds

It's that special time of the year where Hott Joe and Lukewarm Jonah come together to write about the Royal Rumble betting odds. Do you want to win the big money? Do you want to make the Powerball winners look more like people who can only afford TV Dinners? Well, then I have just the breakdown for you. Take it away, Jonah.

Jonah: If there’s one complaint I hear the most it’s that there aren’t enough articles about betting on a predetermined event.  Also, I just really, really love talking about wrestling.  So with that in mind it’s time for the Royal Rumble betting odds article. Here are the odds for the big match. 

Royal Rumble Winner:

Triple H: +105

Roman Reigns: +225

Brock Lesnar: +250

Rusev: +1400

Dean Ambrose: +1800

Daniel Bryan: +1800

The Rock: +1800

Kevin Owens: +2000

The Undertaker: +2000

Ryback: +2500

Bray Wyatt: +2500

Big Show: +2500

AJ Styles: +3300

Sheamus: +3300

Shinsuke Nakamura: +3500

Braun Strowman: +3500

Cesaro: +3500

Dolph Ziggler: +4000

Randy Orton: +4000

Finn Balor: +5000

Big E: +6600

Kane: +6600

King Barrett: +6600

Neville: +6600

Titus O’Neil: +8000

Alex Riley: +10000

Bo Dallas: +10000

Curtis Axel: +10000

Damien Sandow: +10000

Darren Young: +10000

Erick Rowan: +10000

Fandango: +10000

Goldust: +10000

Heath Slater: +10000

Kofi Kingston: +10000

Luke Harper: +10000

Mark Henry: +10000

R-Truth: +10000

Stardust: +10000

The Miz: +10000

Tyson Kidd: +10000

Vince or Shane McMahon: +10000

Zack Ryder: +10000

Adam Rose: +15000

Fernando: +15000

El Torito: +15000

Stone Cold: +20000

Jonah: Hott Joe and I already discussed this a lot on the phone, but Triple H was my initial pick for Rumble winner.  We haven’t seen him in a very long time and the last time we saw him he got his ass handed to him by Roman.  Also, we have to consider how HHH books himself; as the greatest of all time.  If he wins then I’m sure Roman will get the shot at Wrestlemania and HHH will probably put him over there, but is that really how you want to book your top star?  After our conversation I thought about it a little longer, and after seeing the odds I’m betting on Roman to retain.  I think the possibility of either him or HHH winning is 50/50 and Roman is giving better than 2/1 on your money.  Roman losing the title here means he probably wins it back at Wrestlemania.  Because of the Sheamus cash in that will already make him a 3 time World Heavyweight Champion in the course of a few months.  What is this, Russo booked WCW?  Smark burn.  You don’t want to devalue your belt or the champion by hotshotting it too much.  Also, I don’t give Lesnar a shot since he’s now feuding with the Wyatts, they’ll probably come in after they’ve all been eliminated and cheaply eliminate him.  

Joe: Christ. Triple H is favored to win this thing? You have GOT to be kidding me. At first, I thought that the crowd would be too upset to let this happen, but then I remembered that it is in Orlando, home of NXT and the WWE Performance Center, which means that if Triple H is getting cheered anywhere, it would probably be down there. There is also a strong rumor that next year’s WrestleMania will be held there, and if he made that announcement earlier in the show, well, hell, I might cheer for him then, because that is a two-hour drive I would definitely be making in 2017. But I’m not ready to pick any of the three favorites.

Jonah: So Reigns is my betting pick, but I feel like talking about wrestling some more so I’m going to go over some of my favorite long shot picks.  

Daniel Bryan at 18/1.  Still the most over guy in the company.  If he returns, he has to win or else you’ll have the third Rumble in a row that has the crowd shitting all over it.  The question is, does he return?  It’s a long shot, but like I said, if he’s there, he’s almost got to win it, either that or the WWE are very slow learners.

Joe: Bingo, bango, here’s my pick to be the winner. I don’t think it is unfathomable to think that the WWE and Daniel Bryan may be lying about Daniel Bryan’s ability to wrestle. I think they have been saving him for this moment, so the crowd can lose their shit and he can be triumphant in his return. I’m not even the biggest Daniel Bryan fan, but if they are serious about Lesnar going up against Bray Wyatt, eh, might as well make it Daniel Bryan vs. Cesaro as the Main Event of WrestleMania. Jonah, what else you got?

Jonah: Dean Ambrose at 18/1 is pretty awesome odds.  They could build a storyline for Wrestlemania that would do big business with Dean and Roman facing off.  Two brothers, one possibly turning heel, going against each other.  The story writes itself and he’s got a hell of a better chance of winning then say Rusev who has better odds.

Joe: I definitely agree that he has better odds than Rusev, but that doesn’t mean that this would make a good WrestleMania Main Event. I am what you would call a Dean Ambrose “hater” in that I do not really care about him. It doesn’t mean I don’t like him, but if you give me a choice between seeing Dean Ambrose or Heath Slater, I’m taking Heath Slater. I would put him on about the same level as Curtis Axel. They’re not my favorites, but they’re fine.

Jonah: How about AJ Styles at 33/1?  His debut is going to be a huge deal.  I love the guy, he can go like hell in the ring, and has really developed as a character over the years.  It’s a super long shot that he comes in and wins the belt immediately, but what better way to make new stars than have him and at least one or two Bullet Club members come in, wreck shit, and have their guy as champ.  It’s a bold strategy, but the WWE needs to be bold with falling ratings and massive injuries.

Joe: Having AJ Styles debut in Orlando (or anywhere in the state of Florida) is asking for a huge disappointment. Florida would pop bigger for Marty Jannetty than they would for AJ Styles (not that there’s anything wrong with that). He needs to debut in the northeast or Chicago where the “hardcore” fans are, so they will actually care about him debuting. 

Jonah: Here’s one I know you’re going to love: Big E at 66/1.  The New Day is without a doubt the most entertaining part of every RAW.  They’re super over and really people love them even though they’re technically heels.  Big E not only has a phenomenal look, but is charismatic as hell and puts on good matches.  Sounds like a combination for a main event push, but what do I know?

Joe: Well, full disclosure, we talked earlier this week, and I was asked who I would want to see win who had a realistic shot (sorry Cesaro, Seth Rollins, and Hulk Hogan who are either too injured or too racist), and my response was Big E. He’s a Hawkeye; I’m a Hawkeye, and I may have stolen girls from him on the dance floor of The Field House in Iowa City (there is no way to confirm or deny this). So yes, I’m hoping that Big E shocks the world and becomes the WWE World Heavyweight Champion.

Jonah: My last one is Kofi Kingston at 100/1.  See above about New Day, and add in the fact that he’s been Intercontinental Champ numerous times and has shown that he can hang in main event feuds as he did with Orton back in the day.

Joe: Not all that interested in a Kofi Renaissance; I feel like he’s right where he needs to be at this moment. However, I do have some picks that didn’t make the betting board. Since they aren’t even on the board, you should be able to get them for +20000.

Random NXT Superstar – My money is on this being Samoa Joe, but there’s a lot of angles they could go with this. Still, a fellow Samoan coming out to help out Roman Reigns, only to turn on him in the end isn’t the worst angle that they’ve ever come up with. This won’t happen, but I wouldn’t be mad at it. Also, Sami Zayn is probably the second most likely guy to show up. He’s kind of new Daniel Bryan in that it’s impossible not to cheer for him, but he has to remain an underdog for years before he can make it to the top, so winning as a surprise Rumble entrant probably isn’t in the cards.

Batista – Are you telling me they wouldn’t let Batista win another one? They don’t care if you hate Batista; Batista must win. Bonus points if he gets eliminated early and comes out as Bluetista later on.

Finally, I thought about how they could get the crowd excited for an unexpected winner. Like, who would this Orlando crowd go crazy for? And then it hit me. There is one figure that is more beloved in Orlando than any figure in that awful city’s history. It ain’t Walt Disney, it ain’t Mickey Mouse. Oh no, it’s somebody who is universally loved and revered. 

That’s right. My surprise pick to win the Royal Rumble at 100000000 to 1 odds is Lil’ Penny.

Breaking Down the WWE's ICOPRO Commercials

One thing that is abundantly clear when watching early episodes of Raw is that Vince McMahon really wanted ICOPRO to succeed. It was around this time when Vince created a bodybuilding league, because McMahon was and still is obsessed with physiques but is unfortunately in a very small minority when it comes to that. Still, with that obsession with bodybuilding, he also got into the supplement game with ICOPRO.

Now you may be asking yourself: ICOPRO, that's six letters, this must be an incredibly long name, but don't worry, it actually stands for Integrated COnditioning PROgram. He would have gone with ICP, but let's face it, McMahon is not down with the clown and would never pledge his allegiance as a Juggalo.

The most important part of ICOPRO is that it led to wrestlers being involved in awkward promotions for the product with the simple catchphrase of, "You gotta want it." Let's first check in with Bret Hart.

He had the opportunity to speak the most, but only mixed in the catchphrase within a full sentence in the middle of his nine second soliloquy. He also mentions that an "integrated approach to training" is what ICOPRO is all about instead of saying an Integrated COnditioning PROgram, which is what ICOPRO is actually all about.

And that is just about what he said. It is much more important to talk about what else is going on in this commercial. He has an ICOPRO tank which is understandable. His hair is wet, but Bret Hart was in a consistent state of wet hair, so I can't complain too much about that. Leather workout gloves? Come on, Bret, you are better than that, and to be fair, Bret proves that he is better than that as he is holding onto the WWF Title, which I guess he is using as a weight belt? If so, that is about as boss as it gets.

Next up, we have Lex Luger.

Lex delivers his line very well, and I at least give him respect for not wearing workout gloves. But I do wonder why anybody would need an outfit change for a workout? What I'm guessing is that bodybuilding tank actually started off as a shirt, and it eventually just shredded to the point where he had to go to his black ICOPRO shirt. Also, some shorter shorts would have helped, as I got way too intimate with Lex's "total package."

Finally, the bad guy, Razor Ramon.

Out of Bret Hart, Lex Luger, and Razor Ramon, you would assume that Razor would be the one guy you would want speaking, but it was the opposite as the bad guy didn't say anything. He did get the Lex Luger treatment with a wardrobe change, but that makes sense when he switched from curls to military presses. Still, Razor remains a true baller as he works out with a toothpick in his mouth. That's a boss move.

And those three guys make me want to give ICOPRO a try. I can work out with a toothpick in my mouth, a title belt around my waist, while letting the ladies know my circumcision situation without ever uttering a word. Unfortunately, ICOPRO has not been made for about 20 years. But this is the cause that a wrestler needs to take up and make happen. CM Punk failed with the ice cream bars, but couldn't Cesaro bring back ICOPRO? Why Cesaro? Well, I'm guessing that whatever was in ICOPRO can no longer be legally manufactured in the United States, so Cesaro is the perfect guy to open up the European markets. Come on, WWE, you've gotta want it.

My WWE Battleground Experience

So it was date night on Sunday, and I did the most romantic thing I could think of, getting my wife and I tickets to WWE Battleground. We shared a Mountain Dew beforehand, because we needed that childhood sugar boost in order to truly enjoy the evening. It also helped complete my transition into the 12-year-old that I become when watching professional wrestling. My seats were right by the preshow broadcast table. The most interesting part about that is obviously that Renee Young was constantly giving me looks despite my wife being right there. Get a hold of yourself, Renee. The best part though was Alex Riley refusing to acknowledge any fans calling his name, because he knew that the second he did, they were going to talk shit to him. Poor Alex Riley also got to his position 15 minutes before anyone else would join him. But let's look at this card match by match.

Fandango vs. Adam Rose was uneventful. My wife (who will be in the room while wrestling is on but rarely pays attention) made a good point in that everything around the Adam Rose is really fun. Unfortunately, she doesn't really care for Adam Rose. I have to agree. I want to cheer it, because the group is fun, but Adam Rose is not anybody that I care about.

For some reason they put on the main event second with Naomi taking on Cameron. It was bad. Yep, that's all for that.

The main card started off with BY FAR the best match of the night. The Usos vs. The Wyatt Family was awesome in every conceivable way. I screamed like a child throughout this match, as that third fall was insane. I thought the match was over at least eight times, and it got by far the biggest crowd reaction of the night. That match alone was worth the price of admission, which is good, because the other matches did not offer much.

Next up was AJ vs. Paige, and they got nothing out of the crowd. They were fine, but this crowd was only really into the tag match and the main event. Otherwise, it was dead in the arena. 

Then there was Swagger and Rusev, which was a little anti-climactic with the countout, but it was a fine match. Still, Swagger could have just been dazed from hitting the steel pole as opposed to being unconscious for the next hour.

You know what this card could have used? An exciting match between two young guys who just flat out go in the ring. Luckily, there was a match scheduled between Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose. Unluckily, they cancelled the match. This was by far the biggest disappointment of the night.

Jericho vs. Wyatt was almost there in so many ways. It was almost a good match, but they couldn't quite find the right chemistry in the ring. The finisher came a little too easy. Overall, it was fine, but it could have been so much more.

It is impossible for battle royals to not be entertaining, and this one delivered. The Kofi spot was really cool, and everything Cesaro did was awesome, especially putting over Heath Slater. But as great as all of those things were, the best thing Cesaro did was during the entrances. He was just casually walking around the apron, and out of nowhere, he gives Big E a shove from behind. There was no provocation that caused it; he just did it, because that's what heels do. God Bless Cesaro. 

But yeah, it sucked knowing that Dolph was going to eliminate Sheamus only to be eliminated by The Miz immediately after. The crowd didn't even pop when Ziggler knocked him out, as everyone knew what was about to happen. 

The main event happened. Another okay effort with a stupid predictable ending. It could have used a whole lot more Brock Lesnar. 

So the tag match was amazing, and the battle royal was fun. Everything else was pretty forgettable, and still, it was a worthwhile experience. Live WWE events are fun to go to, and my wife said she would definitely go the next time that they were in town. I love her so much, almost as much as that Usos/Wyatt tag match.

The 11 Best Things About WrestleMania 30

As I stated last week, I was not super excited for this WrestleMania. My favorite wrestler was on the preshow, my favorite group was facing three old guys, and I like but don't love Daniel Bryan. To say that this Mania exceeded my expectations would be a huge understatement. It was a great show from beginning to end. At worst, I liked things, and it only went up from there. Here are my eleven favorite things about WrestleMania 30.

11. Slam City Has a Price
It is clear that the old guys do not give one shit anymore. Play with toys? Sounds awesome. Hacksaw beats Sarge, but Sarge was totally correct in that it was a fast count from Danny Davis. Ricky Steamboat goes into full embarrassing Dad mode trying to be cool, and then The Million Dollar Man buys things, because that's what he does. This was totally stupid, and I was totally fine with it.

10. Piper and Mr. T Make Up
Roddy Piper seems to legitimately hate Mr. T for missing his punch at WrestleMania 2, as he finds ways to talk shit about him any chance he gets. The fact that they shook hands and finally buried the hatchet made me happy, and typing that sentence makes me realize that I am a 29-year-old child. Also, thank you to the contributions of Paul Orndorff's mustache.

9. Divas Title Match
Putting this as the lowest match may seem like I didn't care for the match, but for a Divas match that was designed to be a total clusterfuck, it was actually pretty good. They had some good high spots, nobody really messed anything up, and Natalya didn't win, so all is well in the world. Nice job, ladies.

8. Bray Wyatt vs. John Cena
There were some good spots in this match, but the ending kind of ruined it for me. It was good, but that ending where everything works out for Cena is a little too convenient for my tastes.

7. Tag Title Match
This match was good, but that goes without saying with Cesaro in the match. It was fairly predictable; they had some fun spots, and The Usos won which made sense. Afterwards, Cesaro swung Swagger and broke up the tag team which was fairly predictable but still satisfying. I was totally fine with Cesaro going out like that, but we'll come back to him.

6. Triple H vs. Daniel Bryan
Most people were way higher on this match than I was, and I could totally justify putting it a few spots higher, but I thought they were just a little off early on in the match where nobody was quite hitting things correctly. The second half of the match was really good, but already knowing the outcome made the match less exciting, because there was no way Triple H was going to beat Daniel Bryan.

5. Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar
Speaking of predictable endings...wait, what? If wrestling shocks you twice a year, it's a good year. They definitely got one out of the way, as a million people's jaws dropped when Lesnar got the three count. I really like Lesnar matches as he's so strong that it's easy to believe his offense and he still does a good job of looking vulnerable. I couldn't believe he won the match, because I, like everyone else in the world, thought they would end Taker's streak to put over some guy that could be the future of the company. Looking back, that never really made sense. The only people that get matches with Taker are already one of the biggest stars in the company. If Daniel Bryan beats Taker, does that really elevate Daniel Bryan? No, it doesn't even help him as much as winning the title, so I think the passing of the torch angle got overblown, and the WWE legitimately shocked the world. Good for them, and great on the WWE camera guys for finding a bunch of people with hilarious shocked faces.

4. Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton vs. Batista
The match itself was not fantastic, but the crowd reaction to Daniel Bryan winning the title made it a special moment. Also, I still feel bad for Randy Orton's back, because I am still cringing while thinking about him landing on that television. But the powerbomb into an RKO was an awesome spot, but seriously, clear out what is under the table guys.

3. Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal
Cesaro. Guys, CESARO. CESARO! I got really excited when I saw him in the Battle Royal, but I always have to remind myself that although I believe in Cesaro to do anything in the wrestling ring, it is not always logical. So I tried to temper my expectations while knowing he would at least be one of the last five guys left. When it got down to four guys, I still was sticking with my pick of Sheamus, but then when him and Del Rio went over, my hope got way too high. My hopes rose and fall as things went back and forth, but then Cesaro picked him up, and the entire crowd shot to their feet in the background as he put him over the top rope. Everybody freaked out. Everybody is now part of a worldwide Cesaro Section, and moments like that are why I watch pro wrestling as an adult, because I cheer for Cesaro like I am a 12-year-old.

2. Hulk Hogan, Stone Cold, and The Rock
Speaking of cheering like a prepubescent boy, this just made me happy. I enjoyed everything. Sure, Hogan is senile and calling the Superdome the Silverdome, and yes I found it hilarious to hear Stone Cold and The Rock make fun of him for that. But nostalgia like this will always work for me. If you put Flair out there, that might be wrestling's Mount Rushmore (arguments can be made for Andre or Vince), and that is special. Then they drank beers together and Hulk tried to sip his beer as he is old school and does not want to waste any beer. Meanwhile, Stone Cold drinks a six pack and has about nine ounces of beer. The Rock has even less, because he can't be putting those carbs in his body. There wasn't a match on the main card for the first half hour, and I didn't care one bit, because the Little Boy Joe loves these moments.

1. The Shield vs. The Old Guys
Best match on the card, BY FAR. I couldn't have imagined a better match. It was perfect. Will this be a Match of the Year? No, but that doesn't mean it wasn't perfect. From interrupting the New Age Outlaws during their stupid spiel, to coming out in scary masks, to wearing their slutty SWAT outfits, to not letting the old guys have any offense, to taking turns annihilating guys, to the triple-double powerbomb, to Reigns and Ambrose celebrating on the ropes before the ref had the chance to make the three count. Perfect.

WrestleMania turns me into a child, and I LOVE IT.

WrestleMania 30 Betting Odds and Predictions

I'm sure a lot of you nerds are excited for your games of dress-up and sword play with the Game of Thrones premiere this Sunday, but since I'm oozing machismo, I'll be watching oiled up dudes take their shirts off and wrestle in their underwear. You know, real man stuff. WrestleMania 30 is going to be great, and I say that as someone who is not at all pumped about this card on paper. My favorite wrestler is on the preshow, the one wrestler I know is wrestling three dudes who combined age is 140, and I am highly doubting that any of my favorites from NXT are going to be making an appearance. But it's still WrestleMania, and there will definitely be awesome matches and hopefully a few surprises (although I doubt they find a way to make that banner image come true). To top it all off, I'm joined by a very special guest, Lukewarm Jonah, as we're going to break down the card match by match to see if there are any good betting opportunities, so you can make that scrilla and get yourself some extra months of the WWE Network (sorry to my foreign friends who are not able to purchase the network).

Tag Team Championship Match

The Usos (Champions) -250 vs. The Real Americans +175 vs. Rybaxel +250 vs. Los Matadores +600

Hott Joe: First off, let's eliminate Rybaxel, because I can't imagine anyway that they win the tag titles. They are just filling out the card. Next, let's eliminate Los Matadores, who are likely only in this match so Cesaro can swing El Torito to the moon. That leaves The Usos and The Real Americans. On one hand, they have been teasing a Real Americans breakup for a while, but on the other hand, they have also been teasing us with these possible breakups only for the group to stay together (The Shield), so it could go either way. I feel like this is an opportunity to propel Cesaro forward, but I think they will do it by splitting him up from his tag partner. The Usos take advantage and retain their tag titles.

LJ: The Usos are my pick. I don't like picking favorites, but I feel like I have to in this case.  The Usos just won the tag titles and they’re not going to simply lose them a month later.  The Real Americans are the only team with a real shot at winning and they’re going to break up soon so the Usos retain.

Winner: The Usos

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Alexander Rusev 7/4

Big Show 2/1

Sheamus 6/1

Dolph Ziggler 6/1

Alberto Del Rio 14/1

The Miz 14/1

Rey Mysterio 14/1

Big E 18/1

Fandango 18/1

Christian 18/1

Mark Henry 18/1

Cody Rhodes 25/1

Goldust 25/1

Damien Sandow 25/1

Titus O’Neil 50/1

The Great Khali 60/1

Zack Ryder 75/1

Sin Cara 75/1

Brad Maddox 75/1

Heath Slater 75/1

Jinder Mahal 75/1

Drew McIntyre 75/1

Kofi Kingston 75/1

Brodus Clay 75/1

Darren Young 80/1

Justin Gabriel 80/1

R-Truth 80/1

Santino Marella 80/1

Field 15/2

LJ: How the hell is Rusev the favorite in this match?  That randomness really makes we want to pick him, but I’m taking Ziggler.  Show is the obvious choice, so I don’t think he’s winning.  It seems like they’re actually giving Ziggler a push again so hopefully this is the start of another main event run for him.

Hott Joe: So I'm going to make this simple and immediately eliminate everyone whose odds are 18/1 or worse. Sorry, guys, but you all have no chance of winning this thing.  Next, let's eliminate The Miz and Alberto Del Rio as they have been losing nonstop for the past few months, so I don't see why they would win this thing. Next, as much as it pains me to do this, I have to eliminate Dolph Ziggler, as he is very near that Miz and ADR area. That leaves us five choices. Alexander Rusev, The Big Show, Sheamus, Rey Mysterio Jr., and The Field. Although The Field is very interesting since it could be a lot of different people, I don't see Hulk Hogan being a mystery entrant so I think you can mark that off as well. The WWE is about prestige, and I don't think they can trust a newbie like Rusev as the winner of this thing. He would be my pick for most eliminations, but I don't see him winning it. The last three are the guys to consider. I would say that Mysterio has the smallest (no pun intended) chance of winning, although the WWE could love the irony of Mysterio winning a battle royal dedicated to the largest athlete in wrestling history. So, for me, it comes down to Sheamus or Big Show. Since they hinted at Big Show winning it on Raw, I'll go Sheamus.

Winner: Dolph Ziggler (Lukewarm Jonah)/Sheamus (Hott Joe)

Hustle, Loyalty, Sheep Match
Bray Wyatt -350 vs. John Cena +225

Hott Joe: It seems like Wyatt needs this win to propel himself forward, but it's not like him beating Cena would end a feud with Cena and let him move on from things. That being said, there is no reason for Cena to win and move on, because there's nowhere for him to go either. I think this drags on for a while, but I do think that Bray Wyatt gets the win with help from Rowan and Harper.

LJ: Wyatt winning here makes a ton of sense, he’s a hot up and coming heel who is super over.  On the other hand, John Cena is an actual underdog in a match.  It’s tough to pass up betting on Cena as an underdog but I think Wyatt wins, and may even put Cena out of commission for a couple of months.  The feud will continue and Cena will eventually win, but Wyatt probably takes the first match.

Winner: Bray Wyatt

Random Match To Highlight The Shield
The Shield -800 vs. Kane and The New Age Outlaws +425

Hott Joe: It makes no sense to put the old guys over The Shield, but I still don't think I would bet on it with these odds. The WWE may try some trickery for this match. But they shouldn't. Believe in The Shield.

LJ: It’s upset time, and it’s a big one.  Three jabronis taking on one of the coolest groups in years?  Seems like an easy choice, but I have a theory.  The Shield was about to break up but has become a cohesive unit again.  This won’t last long as Roman Reigns needs to have his big singles push.  I think the Shield break up happens in this match leading to Kane pinning whatever guy gets left alone in the ring.

Winner: The Shield (Hott Joe)/Old Dudes (Lukewarm Jonah)

The Streak

The Undertaker -3000 vs. Brock Lesnar +900

Hott Joe: The Undertaker is definitely the guy who has been selected to win this match. But still, how awesome would it be if Lesnar went rogue and turned it into the most brutal shoot in wrestling history? It would be glorious. But that's not going to happen.

LJ: Do I really need to pick this match?  Undertaker beats Lesnar.  I think Lesnar puts on a great match and this could definitely be the match of the night but there is no way Lesnar beats Taker.  There will be some great near falls, but Taker always wins, except if Giant Gonzalez makes a return.

Winner: The Undertaker

Vickie Guerrero Divas Championship Invitational

AJ Lee (-300) vs. The Field (+200)

LJ: I’ll take the field in this match.  Now AJ Lee is the best Diva on the roster, but she’s been champ for 250 plus days.  It’s time for someone else to win the title, more than likely one of the Bellas.  I’m actually surprised Lee is a favorite in this match, it seems like it’s being build to some other diva getting a run with the title.

Hott Joe: The WWE doesn't give a shit about the Divas division. Total Divas is far more important to them. It's kind of stupid to have AJ lose her title this way, but there are a ton of other ladies in this match. It just seems like the odds are too good to pass up. I'm taking The Field, and I will take Naomi to win the title, although Eva Marie would make me laugh my ass off.

Winner: The Field, A Bella Twin (Lukewarm Jonah)/Naomi (Hott Joe)

#1 Contender Match (Kind of)

Daniel Bryan -2000 vs. Triple H +800

Hott Joe: Although I could see the WWE pissing off the crowd during WrestleMania, I can't see them doing it for this match. If they do it here, there are going to be nonstop boos for the main event, and although the WWE has enjoyed trolling its fans, they can't even survive that for their biggest show of the year. Daniel Bryan gets his revenge on Triple H and wins the match.

LJ: This may not make any sense after reading that I think Daniel Bryan will win the World Title but I’m very tempted to pick Triple H in this match via screw job, but then the Hulkster will insert Bryan into the match.  I wouldn’t bet on this with the terrible odds, but officially I have to take Bryan, he needs to make Trips tap in the middle of the ring and go on to win the World Title.
Winner: Daniel Bryan

WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match
Daniel Bryan -700 vs. Batista +750 vs. Randy Orton +1000 (Triple H is +1200)
LJ: Tough to go against the favorite here.  The only conceivable thing they could do is some sort of screw job that lets Batista win, but they’ve been screwing Bryan for six months now.  It’s time for him to have his moment here.  Bryan is the pick.

Hott Joe: Here is where I feel like the money can be made. I don't see Daniel Bryan winning this match, because he doesn't need this win. As long as he gets his win over Triple H, he has proven himself as a main event wrestler. Winning the title does nothing important for him, and I also see this being the order of the matches, so he will be worn down when this match begins which gives him a built-in excuse. I still think Triple H will do something to prevent him from winning the title, so his only real hope is that Hogan interferes on his behalf. I think Vince McMahon has planned on putting the title on Batista for about six months, and I don't think he's going to change his plan now. I've got Batista winning the title.
Winner: Daniel Bryan (Lukewarm Jonah)/Batista (Hott Joe)

Surprises
Hott Joe: You can't bet on any of this, but I'll predict that CM Punk comes out at the end of WrestleMania and nails Batista with a GTS, so everyone in the crowd can freak out and be happy at the end of the event.

I've been hearing rumors of RVD being one of the three extra entries in the Battle Royal, so sorry if that spoils things for you. I'll go ahead and give Jake "The Snake" Roberts one of the other spots. For the third extra guy, I will take Savio Vega, because Savio Vega is a legend when it comes to surprise appearances.

Hulk Hogan gets involved to help out Daniel Bryan in some way. I hinted at this earlier, but I think Hogan helps out Daniel Bryan at some point in the night. I think it happens in his efforts to beat Triple H, possibly taking out Kane and the New Age Outlaws. Although that just gave me a way better idea of Hulk Hogan being the fourth member of The Shield. That would be Too SWEEEEEEEEEEET.

Cesaro vs. Zayn IV Was The Match Both Guys Needed

No real introduction needed. Cesaro/Zayn IV was an incredible match on NXT ArRIVAL, and you should sign up for the WWE Network to watch it. Now onto why this match was so great.

Number one, it was an awesome match. It was a far different match than their 2-out-of-3 falls match, but it was right up there in quality.

Number two, it made sense. Going into the match, I thought Zayn was probably a slight favorite in my head, because he needed this match, and Cesaro was dismissing him as he knew he was better. That's almost always a recipe for the underdog triumphing, but in this case, the underdog didn't deserve to triumph. Since they had that match, Cesaro has turned into a monster who beat the WWE World Heavyweight Champion, Randy Orton, did serious damage in an Elimination Chamber, and nearly beat John Cena. Meanwhile, Sami Zayn's most notable matches are losing to Bo Dallas, barely beating Leo Kruger by rollup, and then getting beat by Adrian Neville.

Clearly, Cesaro is on the upswing, and Zayn has just been stagnating, and the match reflected that beautifully. In their last match, the offense was pretty even for both guys and Cesaro just barely edged him. In this match, Zayn got some offense, because he's still great, but Cesaro dominated the match. The perfect example of that was Zayn going for his dive through the ropes spinning DDT (which, if you haven't seen it, is just as awesome as it sounds). In the first match, he nails Cesaro with it, and it's phenomenal. Everybody is looking for that move to happen again, and Zayn is set up perfectly for it. He dives through the ropes to catch Cesaro, but instead Cesaro absolutely destroys him with a European uppercut. Right there, in that single move, it showed that Zayn is great, but Cesaro is better.

In the end, Zayn showed that he's one of the toughest guys out there when it comes to punishment, but Cesaro got to show that he was better. People who had never watched NXT before still get to see that Cesaro is on the rise and that this Sami Zayn character is super tough but not quite on the same level as the best guys on the main roster. That totally makes sense. Cesaro should win that match, and Zayn still looks great by being dynamic in the ring and tougher than nails. It wasn't as important that he lost, because a WWE crowd can get behind tough guys. Mankind was mostly known for taking insane beatings until he got over. Zayn isn't a big guy, so he's always going to be somewhat of an underdog, so if he has an insane ability to fight through pain, it's a much more important building block than a single win over Cesaro could be for him.

This is the match that both guys needed, and I loved every second of it. 

My Predictions for the 2014 Royal Rumble

The Royal Rumble is the greatest single match of the year. Yes, a WrestleMania main event is great, and Money in the Bank is awesome, but I have been looking forward to the Royal Rumble since the last Royal Rumble. Even crappy battle royals that Zack Ryder wins excite me. The Royal Rumble is the best. Here are all of my predictions for the event.

First off, Randy Orton will beat John Cena. John Cena's match at Mania is always important, because it's John Cena. Orton needs the belt to be important, so I think he holds onto it for this match. Also, I think Cena does something with Hogan involved at Mania.

Next, Lesnar is beating The Big Show. No doubt about it.

I'm actually going to pick Bray Wyatt over Daniel Bryan. They clearly want to elevate Wyatt, and this seems like the best way to do it.

Cody Rhodes and Goldust will beat the New Age Outlaws. At least, I really hope they do. They were the team that was good enough to beat the unbeatable tag team, The Shield, so they probably shouldn't lose to two retired guys who are well past their best days.

There will be a surprise appearance from an NXT Superstar. That person will be Sami Zayn. Most of the WWE Universe will have no response. I will start cheering from my house. He will eliminate my favorite wrestler, Antonio Cesaro. They will begin a feud against each other. Everyone will watch these two wrestle and have the wonderful moment of, "Holy shit, these guys are awesome." An angel will get its wings.

Chris Jericho will be a surprise entrant, because why not. And no, I'm not going to take the time to look up Fozzy's tour schedule to see if that is even possible.

Sheamus will come back for the Rumble. He's been out for a really long time, so this seems like a good time for him to come back.

Dolph Ziggler comes back for the Rumble. At least I hope so, because that will mean that he no longer has any ill effects from his concussion.

Finally, Daniel Bryan will win the Royal Rumble. Yeah, I have him losing his singles match, but that makes it the ultimate emotional rollercoaster for Bryan supporters. And who is a better guy to face Orton at Mania? Batista? That's boring, and Mania is all about mainstream publicity. Daniel Bryan is the kind of feel good story that they can put on the national media. They can point to his famous yes chants that have taken over at sporting events. Daniel Bryan is finally done being the underdog, as he's on his way to being the big dog of the WWE.

The 10 Brightest Futures in the WWE

For the first time in a long time, it seems the WWE has an influx of young talent making their way up the ranks. This is exciting in that all wrestlers eventually become stale. Of course, in the WWE, if you remove those old talents for a while, the staleness reverses and it becomes super exciting to see them again. This is why I am very excited about the possibility of Hulk Hogan back in the WWE. Although he appears to be an awful human being, he's got nostalgia on his side. Still, the WWE cannot depend on Hogan, Rock, and Undertaker comebacks to help them forever.

Notes:
1. Now, whether these guys are actually young is not important, but I did want to pick guys who have not quite established themselves. Fandango is Fandango forever, so he's not on the list. Antonio Cesaro is unlikely to be a Real American in a year so he is on the list.

2. I only included the top two guys on the NXT roster in terms of their place in NXT and not their future. This means I was unable to write about guys like Alexander Rusev, Aiden English, and Tyler Breeze.

Now onto the list:

10. Erick Rowan - He is a big bruiser, and the WWE can always use guys like that. He's a future tag champion, and has a shot at a lower-tier singles title. Still, he's kind of a poor man's version of the next guy on this list.

9. Luke Harper - Don't underestimate how awesome Luke Harper is in the ring. He's a large human being who does a great job at making what he does look like it hurts...a lot. His match a couple weeks ago on NXT against Kassius Ohno was tremendous, and it was so different than what the WWE usually produces in their matches. Since he brings something different than others in the WWE, I think he can definitely be a bruising singles champion down the line after a run with the tag titles.

8. Antonio Cesaro - I am an unabashed mark for Antonio Cesaro. I never fast forward through any of his matches, because he's so good that he can make any match entertaining. Pound for pound, there is nobody close to as strong as he is, which means he can toss around smaller guys and easily pick up the bigger guys. I hate putting him this low, but can he ever rise to the top tier? He has two things that oppose each other, and that is that he is foreign but awesome. I recognized early on that he was awesome, but now everybody is starting to come around on that front with The Giant Swing. He's getting cheered despite being a heel. And when was the last time a foreigner got a real push as a face? Sheamus is the closest thing they've done, and even he is from an English speaking country. The odds are stacked against him, but let us never forget this wonderful moment.

7. Bo Dallas - I love Bo Dallas in NXT. I am a huge BOliever. That being said, I can't believe I'm putting him higher than Cesaro. He's going to get a huge push when he gets up to the main show, and I'm guessing that he will win a Money in the Bank match in the next two years. Because of that, I wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't the first person on this list to hold a top tier title, but I only see his ceiling as the World Heavyweight Champion (not too shabby).

6. Bray Wyatt - Wyatt can be a poor man's Kane. He doesn't have that size, but he's a monster, and he can sell himself being a monster to an audience. He's going to laugh at pain, and that makes him a legitimate challenger to anyone.

5. Dean Ambrose - Probably my most controversial ranking. When The Shield came in, Ambrose seemed to be the guy with the brightest future of the trio, and I think he's going to be great. I could see him having a CM Punk like career, but I don't know if it's likely. This is still really good, as if I made him eligible, I think Dolph Ziggler would be right around this range.

4. Seth Rollins - Maybe a homer pick, but one of my thoughts while making this list is whether this guy could beat Cena. Out of the guys below Rollins on this list, I think Cesaro has the best chance, and that would be in a non-title match, because I do think Cena recognizes really great wrestling and wants to help out those guys who stand out. Rollins can beat Cena, because he brings something very different to the table in his offense. Another thing that helps him is that any moment that he and Daniel Bryan are in the ring together is absolutely awesome.

3. Big E Langston - He just got the Intercontinental Title, but bigger things are ahead for him. He used to do a five count in NXT where he pinned his opponents for five seconds instead of three, and it was awesome. Since they don't care about the IC title as much anymore, isn't this the perfect time to let Big E defend his title by pinning guys for five seconds? This gives the WWE a good guy who is a beast, and if he's pinning guys for five seconds for six months, it legitimizes a run at the top titles. Also on his side is that he is actually entertaining on Twitter, and he has shown his charisma in bursts. He might have the highest ceiling of anybody on this list.

2. Roman Reigns - He came in with the least hype out of any member from The Shield, but he has gotten so much better in such a short time that it's hard not to see his sky-high potential. He's the new Batista, and I don't see any way that he doesn't fulfill that role with the company. He's going to be a multiple time WWE Champion, and I don't see anybody else on this list that you can definitely say that about. He may not have the highest ceiling, but he is the surest bet to be a dominant top tier champion.

1. Sami Zayn - Before you shout me down for trying to be too much of a smark about this list, hear me out. Zayn can be the WWE's most valuable asset in that he can be a babyface that even the internet wrestling community loves. Everybody sees Cena as the new Hogan, but Cena's gimmick is what Hogan did in low level feuds. He makes dick jokes and calls people gay. Hogan loved to call people gay, but in real feuds, Hogan was just super positive about how Hulkamania could conquer all. That's what Zayn brings to the table. He just states things matter-of-factly, and he believes that he's going to overcome everything. He reminds me of GSP in that he is just a super polite dude who is incredibly talented at what he does. Usually, the internet wrestling community would hate something like this, but he's so good in the ring that it's impossible to not get behind him. The WWE has always focused on large muscular guys as their lead dogs, but they may finally be ready to change that. The UFC's biggest star is GSP, and boxing's stars are Floyd Mayweather Jr. and Manny Pacquiao. You no longer need the larger than life guys to carry the sport, and I think Zayn has what it takes to rise to the top. He's going to be a star, and if done correctly, he could be the face of the WWE.