The Ultimate NXT Draft: Picks 101-110

And yes, somehow, someway, we are still going. We are now past 100 picks, and the ridiculous thing is that there is still a good amount of talent in the WWE system that is this far down the ladder. I manage to get a guy who has the second most valuable appendage in wrestling next to Joey Ryan, and Jonah gets a guy who has a name that would be way better for Joey Ryan. 

101. Joe selects Rinku Singh

Joe: He has a MILLION DOLLAR ARM. That doesn’t even take into account the value of the rest of his body. The man is already a star, so will they finally bring the Knuckleball Schwartz gimmick out of retirement? In all seriousness, he managed to go from cricket to baseball, and now transition into pro wrestling. He’s as good of a bet as any at this point.

Jonah: Yeah, might as well gamble on him at this point, but he’s another guy who has been around forever and hasn’t made it onto TV which is worrisome. He also didn’t stick around the Twins to help their bullpen so screw this guy.

Joe: I think you got some bad intel. He was signed last year. Considering he had no wrestling training, I wouldn’t worry about that aspect. Heck, Babatunde has been around for three years and hasn’t been on TV, and he was selected 77 picks before this. Plus, may I remind you that the man has a MILLION DOLLAR ARM!?!?!?!?

102. Jonah selects Samir Singh

Jonah: We get to book guys how we want right? So guess who’s back? The Bollywood Boyz. They were a very entertaining tag team before they got stuck hanging out with Jinder Mahal. They are actually good in the ring, which they didn’t get to show when Randy Orton was destroying one or both of them every week. I draft the Bollywood Boyz and get ratings higher than the Attitude Era.

Joe: I would like to delay my comments until I see what you have to say about Sunil.

103. Jonah selects Sunil Singh

Jonah: I mean they’re pretty interchangeable, but more “Indian” wrestlers to get that sweet sweet Indian money from the billion people that live there.

Joe: I do enjoy the Bollywood Boyz and maybe the WWE soured me so much on them by just throwing them out there to be repeatedly murdered by Randy Orton. I would say bigger than the gimmick is WWE actually allowing tag team wrestling to be a thing that we can get behind and enjoy. I mean, good lord, they probably have the best tag team in the history of professional wrestling, and they are just wasting away. And you better believe I’m talking about The IIconics. But speaking of tag team wrestlers from a foreign land...

104. Joe selects Jeff Parker

105. Joe selects Matt Lee

Joe: Not even going to separate these guys as they make up the team 3.0, and I could not tell you which one is which (they are both still special to me). Anyway, they’re fun little Canadian guys who know how to put on good matches. They’re a better version of the Singh Brothers.

Jonah: Oh do they celebrate the Canadian film tradition by pretending to have cameras? Didn’t think so. They’re fine, but I’m much more excited about the Bollywood Boyz. 

106. Jonah selects Jack Gallagher

Jonah: What a gimmick, I love Gentleman Jack Gallagher. He stands out through his look so that’s important especially this late in the draft. He’s also a former UpUpDownDown champion. Besides that, he’s decent in the ring and his Royal Rumble umbrella spot was awesome.

Joe: Jonah, I don’t know how you can hate WWE so much and consume so much WWE. You have time to watch UpUpDownDown along with Raw, Smackdown, NXT UK, NXT, 205 Live, and you also watch Impact? Why do you do that to yourself?

Anyway, I hate Jack Gallagher, because he stole his entire umbrella gimmick from Marty Scurll, who not only did it first but also does it better. So seriously, fuck this guy.

107. Jonah selects Ilja Dragunov

Jonah: Joe drop the link of this guy’s WXW return against WALTER and Bad Bones for the World Title. That is a pop, a sustained pop, this guy was so over it’s amazing. I don’t need to know anything else about him, if he was able to get that over he’s light years ahead of a lot of other people.

Joe: Ah, a guy with funny hair that is way over in Germany? That never goes poorly. The only thing I’ve seen from Dragunov were some gifs of him wrestling Cage, so I guess it’s a solid pick.

Also, Jonah, I’m not going to find a match and put the link in. That link button up top is just as easy for you to click as it is for me. Sorry folks, but if you really want to see Germans go crazy for their favorite person, there are quite a few documentaries covering that exact topic.

108. Joe selects Jeet Rama

Joe: Jeet Rama has decent size and is Indian. I really can’t tell you much more than that.

Jonah: He sure is. I feel like I took this guy in the last draft, so he should probably work on whatever has kept him off of TV for however many years that’s been.

109. Joe selects Mark Coffey

Joe: I united the Coffey brothers. Mark is the younger of the two, so I’m surprised that Jonah didn’t snatch him up since he appears to be the pedophile of this draft, but getting him this late is very good value as he has the size and skills for a potential run in the USA.

Jonah: I respect one man with the last name Coffey, Paul Coffey former Pittsburgh Penguins defenseman. Man Paul Coffey was awesome. Mark Coffey has decent size, but Paul Coffey would jersey pull this guy so fast and drop him on the spot. 

Joe: Paul Coffey was a sissy of a defenseman, more worried about his assist totals than assisting his teammates when push came to shove. Chris Chelios would have punked him out.

110. Jonah selects Mars Wang

Jonah: Joe knows I love two things in a draft, diversity and cool names. With this in mind It should have been obvious that I would end up with Chinese wrestler Mars Wang. He’s 6’3” 240 and looks to be playing an Asian gangsta type. Team him up with Mia Yim and get that money.

Joe: Jonah, this is the best name in the draft, but there is no way you can team him up with Mia Yim. His name literally translates to “dick that’s out of this world,” so there’s your gimmick right there. The only way you pair him with a female is if you call her Cat Mercury, because her, well, you know.

Previously in the NXT Draft:
Picks 1-10

Picks 11-20

Picks 21-30

Picks 31-40

Picks 41-50

Picks 51-60

Picks 61-70

Picks 71-80

Picks 81-90

Picks 91-100

How To Stop a Knife With Your Dick

Guys, even I'm having trouble fathoming the expertise it takes to pull off this move.

For a normal person, this is incredibly dangerous. If your penis is not trained, then it is unlikely that the penis will be able to grab onto a knife without causing great harm to your body. I hate to break it to you, but if you are not grabbing things with your dick, you are a penis pretender. The man above is not a penis pretender, and neither is this man.

If you can't lock somebody in an armbar and flip them using nothing but your penis, you probably shouldn't try stopping knives with your genitalia.

But what about the ladies? They're penis is an innie instead of an outtie. Although this trick is tough for the fellas, ladies could likely stop multiple knife attacks by attaching themselves to the knife and ripping it from the attacker. As the old saying goes, "Don't bring a knife to a gun fight...because some lady will steal your knife with her vagina."

The 41 Best Matches of WrestleMania 33 Weekend - 30-21

I am about five months younger than WrestleMania. After 30 years of being a wrestling fan, I made my first trip to WrestleMania out in San Jose/San Francisco for WrestleMania 31. It was pretty damn incredible. I know that makes me a giant nerd, and I am totally cool with that. Wrestling doesn't need to be cool, because it is hilarious and occasionally awesome. Two years later, it came to Orlando, and since that is less than two hours away, I knew that I would be making my second WrestleMania trip. Starting on Thursday, I saw WrestlePro, the WrestleCon Supershow, NXT Takeover, and of course, WrestleMania 33. Although I may be a nerd about wrestling, even I have to tap out after four nights of events, so I chose not to go to Raw or Smackdown. But I still saw a hell of a lot of wrestling, and today we move on to part two with some ECW staples and a surprising person going hardcore.

30. WrestlePro - World Champion Bobby Wayward def. Anthony Bowens, Sonjay Dutt and Matt Macintosh 

This was a good match, but I'm a whore for name recognition. Obviously, I knew Sonjay Dutt but hadn't heard of the other three guys, and it's hard to get totally invested in brand new guys unless they do something insane. It was still a good match but probably not a memorable one.

29. WrestleCon Supershow - Low-Ki def Shane Strickland

This match was good but also a little disappointing. I kept waiting for it to really hit that next gear, and it kind of stagnated with good chain wrestling but never the craziness that I would have expected. The ending was good, but I would have liked to see more offense from Strickland to take the match up a notch.

28. WrestleMania - Roman Reigns def. The Undertaker

I was never an Undertaker guy, so this match didn't exactly do it for me. It was fine, and as fine of a match as you can expect from someone who realistically should have retired five years ago. Roman won; that was the right decision, and I'm happy he did it in convincing fashion, but his five-word promo on Raw will be far more memorable than anything from this match.

27. WrestleMania - John Cena and Nikki Bella def. The Miz and Maryse

So this was the most cookie-cutter wrestling match of the weekend, but The Miz kind of saved it by making it a lot of fun. The end was never in doubt, but sometimes charisma can carry a rather nondescript wrestling performance. Good for Miz. Also, it's tough to top the evidence that true love exists.

26. NXT - Oney Lorcan defeated El Vagabundo
All anyone is going to talk about this match is that El Vagabundo was actually Elias Samson the whole time, but this was actually a pretty good match, even without the enjoyable stupidity of El Vagabundo. But yeah, El Vagabundo is great. I've been way higher on Elias Samson than most people, so I think he's finally got everything he needs to become loved by the NXT Universe.

25. WrestlePro - The Blue World Order def. Team WrestlePro
Yo, Stevie Richards is still in great shape. Although I don't think I'm quite ready for DDP Yoga yet, my fitness journey will inevitably lead me to DDP Yoga. The Blue Meanie looks exactly like you would expect, and Nova, well, let's just say he got off the Simon Dean plan and got on the Jimmy Dean plan. Was this some amazing match? No, but it was fun, and Team WrestlePro had Mario Bokara, a super proud Croatian, who, as a fellow Croat (25%, yo), was my favorite wrestler. I wasn't even an ECW guy, but this match worked for me.

24. WrestlePro - Swoogle def. Grado
I had zero expectations in this match, but it was actually pretty damn good. Grado is stupid and fun, and Swoggle got to play the tough guy and hit a bunch of German suplexes. As Broken Matt Hardy would say, it was "Wonderful." My biggest issue is that I had "Like a Prayer" stuck in my head for the next two days. I forgot how catchy that damn song is.

23. WrestlePro - Ryback def. Colt Cabana

So a lot of guys that leave the WWE for the indy scene, like Cody Rhodes, Drew Galloway, Johnny Mundo, etc. take their games to the next level when they are given a chance to shine. You're really only allowed to do so much in the WWE, and a change of scenery greatly helped those guys show how unbelievably talented they are. With Ryback, you get what you get. That's not a knock on Ryback, but he's your classic WWE big guy wrestler. He's going to deliver his power moves, throw a flying cross body when things get crazy, but never give you any holy shit moments. That's what this match was. Colt Cabana made it fun, but Ryback was going to win and he did, finally getting revenge on CM Punk blasting him on the Art of Wrestling.

22. WrestlePro - Jeff Cobb def. Fallah Bah
I am so high on Jeff Cobb it's ridiculous. Even if I didn't know anything about his Lucha Underground work, the dude is a former Olympic Wrestler, and that alone makes me know that this guy could become a huge star. He is so stupid strong that it is absolutely awesome to watch him wrestle. He took on Fallah Bah who looked to be near 400 pounds, but Cobb still powered him over in a suplex. Also, Fallah was pretty entertaining as Cobb was trying to knock him down, and he heartily replied, "No, no, no." The only thing catchier than, "Like a Prayer' is yelling "No, no, no" anytime you disagree with something.

21. WrestlePro - Brandi Rhodes def. Joey Ryan to win the DDT Ironman Heavymetal Title
Brandi Rhodes is a very attractive lady. That does not make her a great wrestler. But it’s not like she’s spent years crafting her talents on the indies, so she is what she is for right now, which is not good, but she may get better. Still, Joey Ryan is the perfect foil for any female opponent as he’s good enough in the ring for any move to happen, and he can add entertainment outside of the wrestling to keep fans entertained. Still, this match came down to one thing, Brandi Rhodes getting dropped on thumbtacks. Obviously, when thumbtacks came out, everyone expected Joey Ryan to be dropped in them, but they did a swerve, and there was a split second of silence before everyone erupted in cheers. Plus, she ended up overcoming all of that to submit Joey Ryan to win the HeavyMetal Title.

The 41 Best Matches of WrestleMania 33 Weekend - 41-31

I am about five months younger than WrestleMania. After 30 years of being a wrestling fan, I made my first trip to WrestleMania out in San Jose/San Francisco for WrestleMania 31. It was pretty damn incredible. I know that makes me a giant nerd, and I am totally cool with that. Wrestling doesn't need to be cool, because it is hilarious and occasionally awesome. Two years later, it came to Orlando, and since that is less than two hours away, I knew that I would be making my second WrestleMania trip. Starting on Thursday, I saw WrestlePro, the WrestleCon Supershow, NXT Takeover, and of course, WrestleMania 33. Although I may be a nerd about wrestling, even I have to tap out after four nights of events, so I chose not to go to Raw or Smackdown. But I still saw a hell of a lot of wrestling, and here are the beginning of my rankings, working from worst to 31st.

41. WrestleMania - Randy Orton def. Bray Wyatt

This match could have reached its ceiling of unmemorable garbage, but instead, they decided to be memorable which turned a boring match into a laughably bad match. I don't know what projecting maggots, worms, and cockroaches on the mat of the ring was supposed to do, but whatever it was, it didn't work, for the crowd or Wyatt. Honestly, at first, I was kind of angry about how bad it was, but looking back in a year or ten, I think I will be glad I could say I was there for one of the dumbest ideas in wrestling history. 

40. NXT - Peyton Royce defeated Aliyah 

This was a match taped for the weekly NXT show. Outside of Peyton Royce hitting a Perfect Plex, I remember nothing about this.

39. WrestleCon Supershow - Sandman def Joey Ryan to win the DDT Ironman Heavymetalweight Championship

I mean, I thought an active Sandman was as bad as that guy could look, but no, he looked far worse as he made his six minute entrance to the ring. By just walking by me, he made our entire section smell like a bar, which was kind of impressive. But he beat the King of Dong Style with one kendo stick strike to the head to become the new HeavyMetalWeight Championship.

38. WrestlePro - Chris Payne def. Tommy Dreamer

This was a Falls Count Anywhere match, and those are always kind of terrible, because you can't see most of the action. It's nice for the people in the cheap seats, but I ponied up the extra $15 for reserved seating, so it didn't benefit me any. I don't know, Tommy Dreamer has never done it for me, although he seems like a real nice guy. This match wasn't bad, but it was a nostalgia match where I didn't really care about any of the nostalgia.

37. WrestleCon Supershow - Joey Ryan defeats Swoggle to win the DDT Ironman Heavymetalweight Championship
This preceded the Sandman match, and it's higher just to see the highest of highs for Swoggle turn to the lowest of lows for him.

36. WrestlePro - CAQ def. Craven Varro

Craven was like a heavy metal rocker, as he had long hair, and was skinny enough to be on copious amounts of drugs. Speaking of, CAQ was a mental patient who barely felt pain. CAQ won to stay undefeated, so I felt like I was seeing the early stages of a Goldberg-like streak. 

35. WrestlePro - The Taboo Crew def. Team Espana and Apple Corps

I really liked the Apple Corps, get it, like the Marine Corps, mostly because they kept screaming Apple Corps, and I like when people yell easy things that I can also yell. But maybe the most important part of this match is that each team had a manager, and all of the managers got involved in cat fights, even though one of them was a fella in a cat fight. The Taboo Crew were also fun enough where I wasn't disappointed in their victory.

34. WrestleMania - Intercontinental Championship Match - Dean Ambrose (c) def. Baron Corbin

A lot of people wanted to majorly shit on this match, but I didn't find it offensively bad. It was a Dean Ambrose match, what did you really expect? It was fine.

33. WrestlePro - Beefcake Charlie won a Scramble Match

Well, the internet was not great at getting me the information on what guys were in this match, but Beefcake Charlie is a fat guy in a pink singlet, and because of that, he was a crowd favorite and deserved to win. there was also a guy that dressed up as a Power Ranger who probably had the most long-term potential in the match. This was a very good indy match for unknown guys, but it's kind of tough to compare to some of the top notch talent that was involved in a lot of the other matches.

32. WrestlePro - Tag Team Championship - The Heavenly Bodies def. Da Hit Squad

This was a fine tag match, where Da Hit Squad came out hot and destroyed everything in sight. Then they ran out of gas late in the match, and The Bodies were able to win. Still, the biggest highlight was Impact Wrestling Tag Team Champions, LAX, coming out and wrecking house on everyone, and then Konnan cutting a promo. I'm never going to be mad at the K-Dogg showing up.

31. NXT - Heavy Machinery defeated The Bollywood Boyz 

These are two tag teams that I like way more than I should. Seriously, that Bollywood Boyz entrance where they mimic a camera is amazing. Also, if you can't get behind Heavy Machinery, I don't want to be your friend. Fat guys doing fat guy stuff and having fun with it will always put a smile on my face.