Getting the Same Breed of Dog Is Psychotic

Dogs are great, aren’t they? They can fill whatever role you need them to. Some can protect, some can support you emotionally, and some can just be party time goofballs. It’s amazing that everyone doesn’t have a dog, especially since there are so many great varieties of dogs out there. Labs are amazing, golden retrievers are fantastic, even corgis are off the chain. There are so many great dogs that you’d have to be an absolute psycho to get the same breed multiple times.

So, yes, I got another weimaraner.

People who own weimaraners are freaks. They have to be, because weimies are freaks. They are absolute trainwrecks that have boundless energy and need your attention at all times and at all costs. Their owners reciprocate this, and in turn, need the dog’s attention at all times, and it leads to emotional co-dependency that is so excessive that it is not healthy for it to exist in this world.

I used to make fun of these weirdos. Then I became one.

When Casey The Dog was around, I rightly claimed that I would not get another weimaraner, because it couldn’t compare, and there are so many great dogs out there that I didn’t need to get a specific breed. Also, it would remind me of Casey instead of being a clean slate with a new pup. These things are undeniable, and yet I still went against these thoughts when it was time for a new dog.

I knew I couldn’t replace Casey, but why wouldn’t I get something as close to her as possible? The short answer is because that’s a psycho maneuver like the guy who dates someone who looks just like his ex. But now that we have a ten-month-old son, a dog breed that we knew was an appealing thing to us as it’s not easy for a dog and baby to coexists. Weims are insane, but they are also gentle, loyal, and snuggly as all hell.

My wife said I could only get a dog in December if that dog was “perfect.” Otherwise, she wanted to wait until after the little guy’s birthday in February. But let’s be clear, this was just a ploy to buy her time as it’s not like she was going to agree to an “imperfect” dog. Luckily for me, I found Kimber on a rescue site based in Tallahassee. When I sent my wife the link, her response was, “Well crap. She’s kinda perfect.” Before she even responded, I reached out to try to get more information. One thing led to another and on Christmas Eve, I drove over 9 hours roundtrip to pick up Kimber and bring her back.

And she has been perfect. She’s a weim, so she’s crazy, but she’s so gentle and loving that she’s a perfect fit for our family. It was a great decision but admittedly, a total psycho move. I know, subconsciously, that I think of her as an extension of Casey. It’s impossible not to, but maybe that’s okay. I mean, I only messed up her name twice, which is way better than I expected to be doing at this point. Kimber is still her own dog, and lucky for us, she’s exactly what we needed.

I guess sometimes it works out to be a psycho.

10 Things I'd Rather Do With My Dog Than My Wife

I love my wife. I love my dog. Now I would say these loves are different. One is someone that I can kiss and tell my deepest secrets to, the other one is my wife. But they both serve their roles. Still, there are things that I can't get from my dog that I can get from my wife, like going to places that don't allow pets, but there are also things that, although I could do with my wife, I'd rather do with my dog. Here are ten things that I would rather do with Casey The Dog than the old lady.

10. Play With Her Ears
My dog has big, soft, floppy ears that I can just run through my fingers, and snuggle my face up against. My wife has human ears. They are these weird cartilage things, and sometimes she puts stabby things (earrings) in them which makes them uncomfortable and dangerous. I'm not saying I want my wife to have an ear transplant, but I'm not saying I'd be disappointed if she woke up with Weimy ears one day.

9. Throw The Ball
Sometimes, my wife and I will play catch. It's fine, but the highlight is the involvement of my dog who is just waiting for one of us to miss it, so she can swoop in and get the ball. Meanwhile, throwing the ball with Casey is great. She sprints after it, brings it back, and we go through this until she decides that she's had enough. Also, it's a nice boost for my self-esteem as she has some toys that are easy to throw to the point that somebody once said I should play quarterback in the NFL. I mean, they were a Browns fan, so that's barely the NFL, but it still counts.

8. Go For A Walk
I'm not a big fan of walks. They're a little too slow-paced for me. But still, the enjoyment that my dog gets out of the walk spreads over to me. If my wife panted and smiled like that, it might close the distance, but she just talks. The one edge my wife has in this category is that I don't have to pick up her poop, because if my wife decides to take a dump in a neighbor's yard, she can at least pick it up herself.

7. Wrestle
Casey isn't a great wrestler, especially as she's gotten older, but she's up for a battle when it comes down to it. It almost always ends with Casey clawing my face or headbutting me, but there is a lot of excitement leading up to that moment. My wife gives up pretty quickly, as she can't overcome my size and strength advantage. I always win the latter, but I get more satisfaction out of the former.

6. Play Basketball
My dog loves playing defense which adds to the difficulty. She's also not a glory pup who needs shots, so I can put up as many as I want. Plus, she never talks shit to me about how my shot looks. I think I appreciate that last part the most.

5. Watch TV
Casey The Dog never minds when I watch wrestling. It doesn't matter if it's Raw, Smackdown, NXT, the Cruiserweight Classic, Lucha Underground, or classic episodes of Monday Nitro. She just chills and enjoys the show. The old lady could definitely learn about television appreciation from our dog.

4. Go To The Beach
My wife could spend an entire day at the beach. Just hanging out, reading, and maybe occasionally getting in the water to cool off. My dog and I are way more on the same page. We attack the beach, play as hard as we can, frolic in the water, and then we're tired, bored, and ready to go home. She's puked in my car the last two times, but she still gets the edge, as although my wife looks great in a two-piece, my dog is even skimpier when she's down to only a collar.

3. Cuddle
Cuddling is kind of boring, so I usually don't do it for very long. My dog is softer than my wife, and she doesn't mind if I stop cuddling after just a couple minutes. And I also don't get offended if she gets up when I'm snuggling up next to her. We have a mutual understanding that either of us can end it at any time with no guilt, and I appreciate that.

2. Pick Up Her Poop
As I stated earlier, I'm not picking up my wife's poop. I do pick up my dog's poop. I mean, it's not an enjoyable experience, but it'd be far more traumatizing if the old lady was dropping trou in the front yard and becoming the first human female to poop (you know, because ladies don't poop).

1. Road Trip
This is the most important one. My dog is the ultimate road trip partner. All I want on a road trip is silence and just a bit of companionship. I can listen to my tunes and podcasts, and if I want to reach over and pet the dog, she's there when I need her. Occasionally, she'll rest her head on my shoulder, and she's just really pleasant to be around. My wife only wants me to occasionally act like a social human being, but my pup dog has zero wants, and that is what makes her so special.

Don't get me wrong; my wife is great. But there are some areas where she's not as great as my dog. No shame in that.

Supercuts Is The Place To Be

I ain't no fancy boy who needs high-priced haircuts from a hair stylist. I need a cheap place to get a trim. Finger-length on top, three on the sides. I've been going with that style for a while, and although it isn't eye-catching, it is inoffensive, which, as a married adult, is all I really need. Hence, I go to the nearest place that I think will be cheap. A Supercuts seemed like a wise choice; I had no idea how great of a decision this would be.

The lady who is cutting my hair (I'm not sure if she's a hair stylist, barber, or some newfangled term I haven't heard of) is chatting with me and was wondering if I was doing anything special with my day. I told her that I was just going to be hanging with the dog, and I mentioned that I have a weimaraner. This got another lady barber to pipe in, "Oh my God, those are beautiful dogs." She went into great details about all of their best characteristics to the point that she seemed to at least considered the idea of a physical relationship with one. She then goes into how her best friend has one, and how it has such a great personality. Then the following exchange happens:

Lady: The only problem is that the dog liked to jump the fence.
Me: Oh, that's too bad.
Lady: Yeah, and then it got hit by a car.
(Stunned silence)
Me: I'm sorry.
Lady: The dog lived though.
Me: Oh, that's good.
Lady: But the vet bills were $350, and my friend didn't have that, so the vets kept the dog.
Me: That's...tough.
Lady: But at least the dog has plenty of room to run now (Lady walks away).
My Lady Barber: That was an awful story.
Me: (still in stunned silence)

And the fun didn't stop there. After that, another hair stylist came in, and after a little small talk, she drops the bomb of, "Well, I'm getting sued for $100,000." That certainly wouldn't be a casual thing for me, but she took it in stride. She then explained that it was from when she got in a car accident where she hit another car, but it shouldn't have been her fault, because the other person wanted to get in a car accident. How does that work? I have no clue, but she claimed the lady was working to get hit by her car, but the hair stylist lady still obliged and hit her, so not the best decision on her part. Anyway, the medical things this lady who loves car accidents aren't even from the accident, so the hair stylist should get out of this lawsuit.

It takes me about 10 minutes to get a haircut, and somehow they managed to squeeze in yet another insane story. After hearing about the other hair stylist's legal issues, my hair stylist admitted that her uncle was being sued for being involved in a drunk driving incident.

Let me just tell you that you have no idea where this story is going to go next.

Not only was her uncle not the drunk driver, he was actually the victim of the incident. On top of this, her uncle died in the car accident, so the drunk driver is suing the dead uncle for PTSD, because he's been really messed up since killing that dude when he was drunk.

BEST...HAIRCUT...EVER.

So, yeah, Supercuts is definitely the place to be.