The Post Y2J Crisis: What Happened After Chris Jericho Made His WWE Debut - Part 3

For those who missed it:
Part One
Part Two

When we last left off with Chris Jericho's WWE career, he was losing almost all of his matches, and it was to benefit the likes of Prince Albert and The Headbangers. But now, Jericho was ready for greatness, he was ready for his first memorable long-term feud in the WWE. He was ready to take on the man, the myth, the leg...wait, rewind. The woman, the myth, the legend, Chyna.

Chyna had most recently feuded with Jeff Jarrett. Jarrett had a reign of terror on women where he literally just kept beating up and demeaning women for months straight without anything bad happening to him. I thought about writing about it, but it is SUPER uncomfortable and should probably never be mentioned again. Anyway, Chyna beat Jarrett for the Intercontinental Title. In fact, she beat him so badly that he was on WCW the next night.

This led to her first title defense feud, and Jericho was the ideal foil for Chyna. He started by challenging her but getting attacked from behind when he was not paying attention. Then he challenged her to an intergender tag match where he would take a random female fan and take on her and D-Lo Brown. That random female happened to be Stevie Richards in a dress, but it still counts. Either way, Chyna stripped down Stevie and her and D-Lo got the win. Maybe things weren't quite looking up for Jericho yet.

Then, looking for an easy victory, Jericho challenged Stevie Richards to a match. Stevie came out dressed as Chyna and Jericho delivered a beating to him. But then Chyna came out and hit Jericho with the Intercontinental Title with the ref distracted, and yes, Jericho lost to Stevie Richards. While Jericho was trying with Chyna, it also turned into a Stevie Richards feud, because, you know, Jericho wasn't enough of a personality to feud with Chyna, so getting Stevie in there made sense. Stevie would lose to Chyna dressed as Jericho, and then cost Jericho a match against The Godfather by dressing as a ho and costing him the match.

But Jericho bounced back with a blistering promo on Chyna on the Raw before he would challenge her for the Intercontinental Title at Survivor Series.


He was so confident in his abilities that he promised to have a sex change if he lost to Chyna. Finally, after all the back and forth, Jericho met Chyna at Survivor Series in what was a surprisingly good match. There was back and forth, false finishes, and an entire crowd of Jerichoholics which the WWE couldn't possibly ignore. Unfortunately, your hero and mine, Y2J, was beaten by a Pedigree off the top rope for Chyna to retain her title.

The following night on Raw, Y2J was clearly distraught.

He tried to put on a brave face, but he got distracted and lost to, "The Vampire Before Vampires Were Cool," Gangrel. Jericho would get his revenge against Chyna later that night.

Because of Jericho's mighty strength, hammering a mallet near Chyna's hand caused vibrations that broke Chyna's hand. By doing this, Jericho proved that women are not as tough as men.

He used this momentum to take out the World's Strongest Man, Mark Henry in his next match. After that,he took out The Godfather, because apparently Jericho was not only portrayed as sexist but racist as well.

He decided to use this momentum to challenge Big Show for the WWE Championship in a No Disqualification Match. Things were going well for Jericho until Chyna came out and hit him with a mallet. Then things were not going as well as Big Show picked up an unconscious Y2J and chokeslammed him for the win.

A week later, Y2J had finally recovered from his concussion enough to not only interrupt Mick Foley talking about making the New York Times Bestseller List but also face him in a match.

"The only reason anybody bought your book in the first place is they were hoping that you would die at the end of it." That one made me laugh out loud. It also featured Jericho proclaiming that he would write his own book. And then, despite being hit with the Intercontinental Championship by Chyna, Jericho recovered to still beat Mike Foley.

In the week leading up to his second match against Chyna at Armageddon, he tagged with Al Snow and had a no contest against The Rock n' Sock Connection on Raw before losing to Road Dogg due to Chyna interference on Smackdown.

He had his second shot at Armageddon, the last PPV of 1999, and would get the chance to the right the wrong of losing to Chyna. Amazingly, Y2J carried Chyna through another entertaining match, which included Jericho boxing, kicking, and even dropkicking the thumb that he had injured weeks earlier. After a back and forth battle, finally, your hero and mine, Y2J, overcame the odds and made Chyna submit to become the new Intercontinental Champion, a title he would hold a record nine times.

Despite Jericho being the clear heel, the crowd exploded in cheers when Chyna finally tapped out.

Finally, after months of losing to mid-level talents, and being an afterthought in more important feuds, Y2J, Chris Jericho, had risen up to get his first WWE title run. Still wrestling at the age of 47, he will go down as one of the greatest professional wrestlers of all time. It wasn't a smooth run, but there was no man or woman that was going to stop him on his way to the top.

Vince McMahon Has The Worst Sense of Humor

Vince McMahon is a legendary businessman, and a true visionary when it comes to the world of pro wrestling. Even if you hate pro wrestling, you have to respect him for what he has been able to accomplish. If summing up the pros and cons of Vince McMahon, the pros would far outweigh the cons. That being said, I know that if I ever met Vince McMahon, I would totally hate him. The reason I know this is that you can tell a lot about somebody by looking at their sense of humor, and Vince McMahon has the worst sense of humor in the world.

5. Vince McMahon Loves Impersonators
Now, I don't even need to get into all the times that Vince tried to legitimately use impersonators to move forward wrestling angles. There was Fake Undertaker, and more egregiously, Fake Diesel and Fake Razor Ramon. Those weren't meant for humor; sadly, they were supposed to be taken seriously. The first time that this became blatantly obvious is when a President Clinton impostor made an appearance at WrestleMania 10. The guy didn't even do a decent impression of Clinton, but he had the wig, so I guess that counts.

Still, the worst example is when he introduced Billionaire Ted and his two big starts, Huckster and Nacho Man. When looking back at this, I had totally forgotten about Scheme Gene. Here's a video. It's really awful.

I guarantee Vince loved every second of it. The only funny thing about this angle was that Vince prominently featured Razor Ramon and Diesel in videos to show the differences in the "New Generation." Both would leave the WWE a few months later and start the greatest faction in the history of professional wrestling.

4. Vince McMahon Loves to Disgust People
A lot of the key to comedy is being willing to embrace taboo. McMahon likes to take things to their extreme. Hence, he had Mark Henry impregnate Mae Young, a woman in her 80s. She gave birth to a fake hand. I really don't want to go any further into that except to say that I can guarantee Vince still laughs about this every time it crosses his mind.

And then there was Katie Vick. I have written a lot about Katie Vick, because it was one of the most amazing wrestling angles of all time. But it wasn't amazing in that it was well done or even comedically strong in any way. It is just still amazing that it was put on a television show at all. It was objectively awful, but it is wrestling's version of Andrew Dice Clay; it's not good, but it's still good to laugh at. I would guess that McMahon has already requested that this angle be mentioned in his obituary.

3. The Kiss My Ass Club
Vince McMahon is the man who created the "Kiss My Ass Club" which is brilliant if you are 12, but really sad from a 60 year-old. I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't tattoo the names of the members of the club on his taint.

2. Vince McMahon Loves Throwing People in the Pool
This was probably the most interesting thing that came out of the Stone Cold Steve Austin podcast with Vince McMahon. Vince McMahon loves throwing people in the pool. And not like a normal love, but a love so pure that he would leave his wife for it. He was fairly serious through the entire interview, but when he got to talk about throwing people in the pool, his entire demeanor changed, as if the mere thought of throwing someone in the pool put him in his happy place. I have only seen a billionaire light up while talking like that in one other circumstance. It is when I worked for the Seattle SuperSonics and Clay Bennett talked with us about the possibility of moving to Oklahoma City. The man was trying to stay subdued, but he did a terrible job, because that motherfucker lit up when talking about OKC. He spoke of it as it was some sort of mystical promised land. So basically what I'm saying is that billionaires are weirdos.

1. There Is Nothing Vince McMahon Loves More Than Fat People
Vince has always been obsessed with appearance, and honestly, that makes sense. Children are a huge part of his audience, and big muscles are an automatic sell to kids. But Vince would go out of his way to bury fat people. What kind of ceiling does a guy with the name Bastion Booger really have? Fat guys were not meant to be contenders, they were meant to be laughed at.

But this pales in comparison to how he treated overweight women. If you were a big girl, you were instantly a heel. The heel announcers would praise them for their beauty, but Vince couldn't even hide his disdain for how disgusting he found them. In Vince's mind, if you were not attractive, you shouldn't be cheered.

And even though the female wrestlers were treated poorly, it pales in comparison to the first days of Raw. McMahon had Raw Girls who would strut around the ring with signs that often had sexual innuendos using the word Raw. Most of them were very fit women that you would see as a ring card girl at a boxing event. But McMahon would throw the audience for a loop and throw a fat girl in there with "hilarious" results. It is the very definition of sophomoric humor, but there was nothing McMahon loved more than having someone make out with one of the overweight ladies. I take that back, there was one thing that McMahon loved more, and that was making people think a wrestler would make out with them, only for them to demean them in some way, like Mr. Perfect throwing his chewed gum in one woman's mouth and having her happily chew away afterwards.

McMahon deserves credit where credit is due. He is not only the best mind in the history of professional wrestling, he is a true business visionary who worked hard and found incredible success, even when the deck was sometimes stacked against him.

That being said, Vince McMahon has the worst sense of humor ever, and I would never want to spend more than five minutes with him.

How The WWE Could Have Made Breaking Bad Better

I just finished up Breaking Bad, and it was a great show. So great that it is hard to find any problems with the show. I felt totally satisfied with my viewing experience from beginning to end. Still, there is one way this show could have improved. They could have replaced all of the male characters with the members of the Nation of Domination. I know that sounds a tad extreme, but just hear me out. The actors were fantastic, but these guys would have made the show that much better.

1. Walter White should have been played by The Rock. I mean, if you want a badass chemistry teacher, there is really no better option than The Rock. There is very rarely a better option than The Rock.

He's so unassuming, yet still so badass. Also, a bald head, which shows the intensity of the chemotherapy. Truly an ideal option.

2. With Walter now being played by The Rock. Jesse Pinkman needs to be amped up a little bit. Who would make a perfect protege for Walt? Obviously D-Lo Brown.

He was known as a great European Champion, so it should be no problem for him to switch to a Chemistry Champion instead.

3. With just two tweaks, we've changed the whole dynamic of the show, which means that Hank now has to be more badass. This is the role Crush was born to play.

Also, the interracial composition of the family would really add to the drama.

4. This leads me to Gustavo Fring. He was a great leader, but he could have been a better leader. He could have been Farooq.

Woah, woah, woah. That came across as super racist. Let's try that again.

Much better.

5. Mike has to be the biggest badass on the show, so he will be played by Mark Henry.

Yep, that should work just fine.

6. But who would play Saul Goodman? Saul was cast nearly perfectly, and he was such a pimp throughout the show. Wait a minute, that gives me an idea.

You can't tell me that's not an award winning billboard.

7. But who could possibly play Walter Jr.? His inability to move or speak properly will be tough for anyone to replicate, but don't worry, I already know of someone who does both of those features naturally. This was the role Ahmed Johnson was born to play.

He's perfect. I'm so proud of this.

Predictions Leading Up To Wrestlemania 29

I spend way too much time thinking about professional wrestling. I say that as a 28 year old, fully functioning adult, who has seduced ladies in real life. I know that combination is surprising for many people, but pro wrestling is awesome. I have obviously waxed poetically about Antonio Cesaro before, but there is a lot of interesting things going on. The Rock is back. He won the title. CM Punk held the title for like a year and a half before that. John Cena lost every important match for a year straight. So what's going to happen next?

CM Punk is going to talk about how his title reign (even though he doesn't have the title, he still talks as if the title is still his) is the most impressive streak in professional wrestling. He will face The Rock at Elimination Chamber. In this match, The Rock will be close to winning, but then Brock Lesnar will attack him to help CM Punk win. Punk will hit his finisher, the GTS (Go To Sleep), but before he can pin him. The lights will go out. Undertaker will take out Punk, helping The Rock retain the title. Undertaker will then face CM Punk at Wrestlemania since his undefeated Wrestlemania streak is considered the greatest streak in professional wrestling.

John Cena and friends will beat The Shield at Elimination Chamber, because John Cena is now invincible. He will beat The Rock at Wrestlemania. They will hug after the match in a "passing the torch" moment. John Cena may not lose in 2013.

Don't feel bad for The Rock; Fast and the Furious Six will go down as the greatest movie ever made.

Kane and Daniel Bryan will continue to be Kane and Daniel Bryan. That's all the insight I have on those guys.

Antonio Cesaro is going to hold the US Title forever, because he's the best, and nobody will ever beat him outside of Ryback who has beaten him like three times in non-title matches. Hasn't Ryback earned a title shot yet? Apparently not. They just like to delegitimize their champions, which is dumb. Shit, Miz will probably win this title by Wrestlemania. But that will just open up Cesaro for bigger and better things.

Dolph Ziggler will face Chris Jericho at Wrestlemania. Brock Lesnar will take on Triple H.

Alberto Del Rio will beat The Big Show at Elimination Chamber. Dolph Ziggler will not cash in his Money in the Bank.

Mark Henry will win the Elimination Chamber to face Del Rio at Wrestlemania. Del Rio will win, only to have Dolph Ziggler run out to cash in his Money in the Bank. Wrestlemania is full of "smart" wrestling fans, and they will give a huge pop for Ziggler when he comes out to win the title.

My final prediction is the worst possible idea I could come up with that the WWE would actually consider: After John Cena and friends beat The Shield at Elimination Chamber, they become convinced that Cena is right and they are wrong. Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins, and Roman Reigns will begin to dress in bright colors and be known as Hustle, Loyalty, and Respect.