The WWE Is Ruining... The Revival

As a pro wrestling fan, it is a part of our identity to always know how to utilize wrestlers better than the WWE. If WWE would just give me, random WWE fan, a job a the company, ratings would immediately rise to the levels of the Monday Night Wars, despite how television ratings have changed as a whole over the last 20 years. But until that happens, WWE will continue ruining our favorite wrestlers, and that is why it is time to point out the error in their ways. Because of WWE's incompetence, I am literally going to pick a wrestler at random and point out how they could be better utilized, because WWE is ruining everyone in one way or another.

Today, I continue the series with Scott Dawson and Dash Wilder. Before we get started, I think we need to recognize F...T...R. In the words of Flip Gordon, Forever The Revival.

I will admit that I got very nervous about last week's Raw in writing this column. The Revival got a tag title match against McZiggler, and they had me believing that they might actually win the thing. It was a great match and definitely the highlight of Raw. Hell, it may have been the highlight of the last six months of Raw, but unfortunately, they fell short. Now, I say unfortunately, as that's how I feel in the grand scheme of things, but fortunately for me in writing this article as otherwise, I really wouldn't have had much to say.

Since being called up, the WWE has done close to nothing with them. I really think last week was by far their biggest moment. They couldn't even beat the B Team, they've had their asses kicked by a bunch of old dudes on the 25th Anniversary of Raw, but WWE can't take total blame as The Revival has had terrible injury luck since getting called up, and it's tough to give a big push to a team that can't wrestle.

But that last word is key: Wrestle. These boys can flat out put on amazing matches, but they just haven't had the chance to do that. Honestly, when I looked up their win-loss record, it's actually pretty decent, but they manage to make every win as unimportant as possible. They also do them no favors by putting them against teams that are pretty bland wrestlers. B-Team, Gallows/Anderson, Bray/Matt Hardy are all fine, but can you name any memorable matches that those teams have put on? Hell, if you take out matches at The Hardy Compound, the only memorable matches any of those guys have had are the ones that are laughably bad from Bray Wyatt. 

So, my simplistic and novel solution is put The Revival against actual tag teams. The Raw roster should work perfect for them as The Revival could put on great matches with AOP, and I would very much like to see them take on a reunited American Alpha. Plus, a fun one in my head is Revival vs. Lashley and Lio Rush. And although it may not be on the level of the previous options, Breezango could definitely put on a fun match with them when Fandango gets back. And considering the depth of talent in the tag division of NXT, there are plenty of options for future opponents as well.

If you're looking for a bold move for The Revival, I have a plan. Give them another shot at the tag titles and have them win it. Then, with Dean Ambrose needing some gold, he tags up with Seth Rollins to take on The Revival. Obviously, The Revival wins, and Ambrose blames Rollins for the loss as he's just concerned about his singles title instead of helping Dean get gold, and yes, The Revival is the reason for The Shield to breakup.

I'm not saying you have to do that, but giving the 15 minutes to wrestle matches, even if they can't immediately be for the title, just seeing these guys wrestle as a well-oiled machine will get fans behind them, and they'll be the bad guy tag team that we boo vociferously, but we do it for the fun of booing, as we all secretly love everything they do in the ring. 

FTR - FOREVER THE REVIVAL


Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Bobby Lashley
Nia Jax
Peyton Royce
Tyler Breeze

If WWE Superstars Were Game of Thrones Characters

Two things that I thoroughly enjoy are the fictional worlds of the WWE and Game of Thrones. Now, I have limited GoT cred, as I only watch the TV show and have not read the books (so if you're not through Season 4, you may want to wait on this, as there are some spoilers). Still, I felt that there were a lot of similarities in this world, so I tried to find the doppelganger for some of the most famous characters from each world. I tried my best to stick with current WWE talent, but there are a few examples of Attitude Era stars that seemed to fit way better than any active wrestlers would have in the GoT world. I tried to split the characters up into their families/most important storyline to help with clarity. Without further adieu, here is where WWE Superstars would fit in within the Game of Thrones.

Stephanie McMahon - Daenerys Targaryen
Stephanie fits in as the Khaleesi, because she could become the ruler of the WWE. And there aren't a lot of examples of women being strong and confident without immediately failing in spectacular fashion. Also if she is in that role, it would mean that Vince was the Mad King, and Shane was Viserys Targaryen who thought he was destined to take over, but now has no chance. Shane at least chose to leave where Viserys was killed by having liquid gold poured over his head.

Brock Lesnar - Khol Drogo
Both are giant men that crush everything in their path. They laugh at obstacles, as there is nothing in the world that can stop them except for themselves. Khol Drogo decided to cut himself with a sickle, while Brock Lesnar willingly tattooed a sword on his. Both married blonde divas and lived on all-meat diets. With that being said, it does seem likely that Drogo died from diverticulitis.

The Rock - Daario Naharis
Daario only does two things, but he does them better than anyone else. Fighting and fucking. The Rock can take years off from wrestling and beat anyone, and every one of his interviews will talk about a woman's vagina in some demeaning fashion.

Goldust - Barristan Selmy
Barristan was seen as obsolete by the kingdom, and looking at his age, that would appear to be true. But there was still some gas left in his tank, and he might be doing some of his best work at an advanced age after his supposed prime in the King's Guard. That is basically the same story as Goldust who did some good things in his prime but may be doing his best wrestling in his most recent comeback.

Rusev - Grey Worm
They are both killing machines who are commanded by women.

The Shield - The Three Dragons
Yes, this is slightly outdated with Seth Rollins leaving The Shield, but those three guys are totally the dragons of the WWE. They come in, fuck shit up, leave and think nothing of it. Daenerys thinks that she controls them, much like Triple H thought he controlled The Shield. In reality, they do whatever they want, whenever they want, because they can.

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The Miz - Joffrey Baratheon
The two most punchable faces in the world. There really is nobody that could be more hated than these two. Also, I always thought Miz kind of looked like a serial killer, but he might just secretly beat hookers with medieval weaponry.

Randy Orton - Cersei Lannister
My only intergender comparison. Cersei is the golden child who feels entitled to certain things, because she has always gotten certain things. She's an attractive lady, but she can also be absolutely brutal to people. That sounds a whole lot like the Legend Killer to me.

Triple H - Jaime Lannister
Has all the tools to be great on paper, but will never reach the top of the mountain. Charismatic with a touch of crudeness, each guy seems like they would be likely to be the best, but neither man is. At best, Jamie is the second or third most important member of his family, and Triple H was always only the second or third most important person in WWE. They both have weak body parts, as Jamie lost his hand, and Triple H tears his quad like it's a piece of paper. Also, each is a guy that you want to root against, although at this point, you sometimes wonder what made you hate them so much in the first place. Oh, and while we're talking about H and Jamie...

Chyna - Brienne of Tarth
Yep. This one fits in real nice. Both compete with the men because they would outclass any woman. Fell in love with a blonde, although Jamie Lannister is much more traditionally attractive than HHH. After the romance, they both got stuck with puds, or Pods, to be more accurate...

X-Pac - Podrick Payne
Podrick had a great deal going with Tyrion, but now he is with Brienne where he is not appreciated. It seems very similar to X-Pac being in the nWo, but then having a relationship with Chyna where he got physically assaulted. Also, Podrick is known for his prowess with the ladies, and X-Pac made a sex tape. They're not exactly equal, but they're not unequal either.

William Regal - Tyrion Lannister
Don't get caught up in the size. Instead, Regal is a match with Tyrion because he no longer has the physical gifts, but he has a sharp tongue and can captivate an audience with it. Also, he doesn't dislike bad guys, as he sees talent for what it is. Tyrion Lannister would definitely be a fan of Aiden English.

The Acolyte Protection Agency - Bronn
Bronn is the hired gun for Tyrion, and he saves his life once for money. When it comes to the second time, he already has money and women, so he doesn't save his life. He's a simple man, but you gotta respect that. The APA were simple guys as well, as they would beat up people for money, and if you couldn't offer them anything, they weren't willing to get their hands dirty. It's a simple and effective way of living.

AJ Lee - Shae
So I really hated comparing a diva to a whore, but let's face it, WWE only has three characteristics for women, whore, crazy, and boring, so there were actually a lot of women that could have been put in this spot. I chose AJ as she has a history of being jealous and of getting revenge on the men who have done her wrong. That sounds a lot like Shae, as she harshly turned on poor Tyrion.

Vince McMahon - Tywin Lannister
I know I mentioned him as the Mad King, but that was more in relation to Stephanie, as this is the spot where Vince fits best. He is the man with the money, so he pulls the strings behind the scenes while all gratitude and animosity is delivered to the people that he controls. The stockholders are the iron bank as they are the only ones who can get mad at Vince/Tywin if they aren't getting their money.

Paul Heyman - Varys
Could there be a less sexual person than Paul Heyman? Everything Varys has said could have just as easily been said by Paul Heyman. He tries to creep in the background and work his way up the ladder by attaching to those who he sees being in power. Tywin Lannister is definitely a Paul Heyman guy.

Cesaro - Tommen Baratheon
We really know nothing about the new king except that he wants to be a good king. And if you only watch the main WWE shows, you really have no idea about a personality for Cesaro. Cesaro is the newest King in WWE as he is the King of Swing, and I really felt like I needed to include my favorite wrestler in this post somewhere and couldn't find a great fit.

Summer Rae - Margaery Tyrell
Margarey will do anything to be queen, and Summer just wants to be liked so bad. Either will maneuver behind people's backs to get what they want, but in the end, neither person actually does anything all that awful. They both almost got stuck with bad guys, but now they can both find something better for themselves.

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John Cena - Eddard Stark
There is one big problem with this comparison, and that is John Cena always wins, and Eddard Stark obviously did not fall under that umbrella. Still, they are the virtuous ones who are always doing what is right and fighting for good. Eddard was the King of the North, and John Cena is often World Champ, but each guy can go away from their title and still be the most compelling person in the room. But with Eddard Stark dying early on, isn't that a valuable lesson? John Cena would not survive in the Game of Thrones.

Daniel Bryan - Robb Stark
Everyone questioned his potential to lead an Army. He didn't always make the right decisions, but he worked hard and slowly gained the respect of his people. Finally, when it looked like everything was going in his favor, he and his army were brutally murdered at a wedding. Daniel Bryan worked his way up, finally won the title, got married and shortly thereafter got a neck injury and lost his title.

Renee Young - Arya Stark
Everybody likes Arya as she is a quick witted little scamp. Renee Young is basically the adult version of that.

The Big Show - Sandor Clegane 
The Hound is a large man who has done some bad things in his past, but he was just doing his job. Deep down, he has shown that he actually isn't that bad of a guy. This is similar to The Big Show who occasionally has done some bad things, but he always shows his nice guy side in the end and both have proven to be more gentle giants than giant jerks.

Natalya - Sansa Stark
Both have a "woe is me" attitude, and although they really have not done anything wrong, they are both easy to dislike without any concrete behavioral flaws.

Jerry Lawler - Petyr Baelish
If there was anyone in the WWE who would run a whorehouse, it would definitely be Jerry Lawler. Also, old school Jerry Lawler had the bad guy tendencies that matched Baelish's personality. Also, they both love women who are too pretty for them.

Bo Dallas - Robin Arryn
Both are shocked when anyone doesn't like them. They both have incredible confidence despite not doing much to earn said confidence. Robin got built up by his mother, and Bo Dallas just BO-lieves in himself.

The Great Khali - Hodor
Both huge humans, which would make you think that they could crush the world. When in reality, they are immobile, and nobody can understand what they are trying to say. Hodor gets the slight edge on value since he carries things a lot of the time where a lot of Khali's value is from his singing and dancing.

Dolph Ziggler - Jon Snow
He's one of those guys that everybody seems to root for. They are not impressive physical specimens and were put in terrible situations for no reason. It seems like punishment, but all they do is work their butts off every chance they get. Each one makes everyone around him better, but it will take extraordinary circumstances for either of them to reach true greatness in the general public's eye.

Emma - Ygritte
Ygritte was a wildling lady who could have killed Jon Snow multiple times but froze up and was distracted long enough for it to lead to her downfall. Emma is a very talented wrestler but often gets distracted by her own dance moves and loses because of it.

Sheamus - Tormund Giantsbane
Is this partially because of the red hair? Yeah, definitely, but they are both giants who think they can take on anything. All Tormund needed to do was end his sentences with "fella" and they basically become the exact same person.

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Ric Flair - Robert Baratheon
Robert gained power by being incredible in the battlefield and he rose to being the undisputed top dog in the world. Flair gained power by being the best wrestler in the world. Once they got their power, they enjoyed the finer things in life as they partied hard and drank and fucked everything they could get their hands on. God bless them both.

Bray Wyatt - Stannis Baratheon
Believes he is the rightful king. Does shady things that make him untrustworthy. Battles forces and seems super powerful, but always loses, and then he just tries again with the same plan. Stannis's one great move involved a demon baby, Bray's involved a child with a voice modulator, so the similarities can be quite shocking.

Luke Harper - Davos Seaworth
He is dedicated to Bray Wyatt. Seems like a nice guy. Could use a fresh change of clothes and both are just learning to read.

Eva Marie - Melisandre
Evil redhead lady who has way more power than she deserves. Seems useless from an outsider's perspective, but has shown some savvy in staying relevant so far. Also, Eva Marie had a uterus problem, and Melisandre produced a smoke demon from hers. Po-tay-to, po-tah-to.

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Kane - Ramsay Bolton
Both are sadistic monsters that have no sympathy for anything or anyone. They are driven by destruction, but deep down both of them have a longing to be loved and accepted for who they are.

Damien Sandow - Theon Greyjoy (Reek)
Theon used to have charisma and confidence, but then he reached for the stars and failed. After that, things spiraled downwards for him, as he has had his junk removed and has been broken mentally. Damien Sandow had charisma and confidence, won Money in the Bank, challenged Cena and lost, and he is now wearing a tan jumpsuit that made him resemble a eunuch.

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Mark Henry - Gregor Clegane
Everybody thought The Mountain was unbeatable, and he was also kind of ruthless as he burned his brother's face when they were children. That sounds a whole lot like Dog got inducted into the Hall of Pain. Also, Mark Henry is the World's Strongest Man which seems like a title that Gregor probably could have had if he wanted to prove it. In the end, these people are both undone by guys who are quicker than them. Also, just as you should not waste time trying to get The Mountain to confess something, you should probably steer clear when Mark Henry says he is retiring, as they both seem to gain super strength in those situations.

CM Punk - Oberyn Martell
Oberyn is somebody who is only happy when he is doing what he wants. He didn't have to get involved with Tyrion, but he wanted revenge on the Lannisters. He could have killed The Mountain but killing wasn't good enough; he had to get that confession first, and that is why his head exploded. Although CM Punk didn't meet quite as grisly of a fate, all of these same things could be said about him. He wanted to do what he wanted to do, and when he didn't get exactly what he wanted, he proved to be the cause of his own undoing.

I know that doesn't cover everyone, as there were people from GoT and WWE that I wished I could have worked in. Still, it gives a good starting point, and it has the potential to inspire a ton of great fan fiction which is what the internet is all about.

The 11 Best Things About WrestleMania 30

As I stated last week, I was not super excited for this WrestleMania. My favorite wrestler was on the preshow, my favorite group was facing three old guys, and I like but don't love Daniel Bryan. To say that this Mania exceeded my expectations would be a huge understatement. It was a great show from beginning to end. At worst, I liked things, and it only went up from there. Here are my eleven favorite things about WrestleMania 30.

11. Slam City Has a Price
It is clear that the old guys do not give one shit anymore. Play with toys? Sounds awesome. Hacksaw beats Sarge, but Sarge was totally correct in that it was a fast count from Danny Davis. Ricky Steamboat goes into full embarrassing Dad mode trying to be cool, and then The Million Dollar Man buys things, because that's what he does. This was totally stupid, and I was totally fine with it.

10. Piper and Mr. T Make Up
Roddy Piper seems to legitimately hate Mr. T for missing his punch at WrestleMania 2, as he finds ways to talk shit about him any chance he gets. The fact that they shook hands and finally buried the hatchet made me happy, and typing that sentence makes me realize that I am a 29-year-old child. Also, thank you to the contributions of Paul Orndorff's mustache.

9. Divas Title Match
Putting this as the lowest match may seem like I didn't care for the match, but for a Divas match that was designed to be a total clusterfuck, it was actually pretty good. They had some good high spots, nobody really messed anything up, and Natalya didn't win, so all is well in the world. Nice job, ladies.

8. Bray Wyatt vs. John Cena
There were some good spots in this match, but the ending kind of ruined it for me. It was good, but that ending where everything works out for Cena is a little too convenient for my tastes.

7. Tag Title Match
This match was good, but that goes without saying with Cesaro in the match. It was fairly predictable; they had some fun spots, and The Usos won which made sense. Afterwards, Cesaro swung Swagger and broke up the tag team which was fairly predictable but still satisfying. I was totally fine with Cesaro going out like that, but we'll come back to him.

6. Triple H vs. Daniel Bryan
Most people were way higher on this match than I was, and I could totally justify putting it a few spots higher, but I thought they were just a little off early on in the match where nobody was quite hitting things correctly. The second half of the match was really good, but already knowing the outcome made the match less exciting, because there was no way Triple H was going to beat Daniel Bryan.

5. Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar
Speaking of predictable endings...wait, what? If wrestling shocks you twice a year, it's a good year. They definitely got one out of the way, as a million people's jaws dropped when Lesnar got the three count. I really like Lesnar matches as he's so strong that it's easy to believe his offense and he still does a good job of looking vulnerable. I couldn't believe he won the match, because I, like everyone else in the world, thought they would end Taker's streak to put over some guy that could be the future of the company. Looking back, that never really made sense. The only people that get matches with Taker are already one of the biggest stars in the company. If Daniel Bryan beats Taker, does that really elevate Daniel Bryan? No, it doesn't even help him as much as winning the title, so I think the passing of the torch angle got overblown, and the WWE legitimately shocked the world. Good for them, and great on the WWE camera guys for finding a bunch of people with hilarious shocked faces.

4. Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton vs. Batista
The match itself was not fantastic, but the crowd reaction to Daniel Bryan winning the title made it a special moment. Also, I still feel bad for Randy Orton's back, because I am still cringing while thinking about him landing on that television. But the powerbomb into an RKO was an awesome spot, but seriously, clear out what is under the table guys.

3. Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal
Cesaro. Guys, CESARO. CESARO! I got really excited when I saw him in the Battle Royal, but I always have to remind myself that although I believe in Cesaro to do anything in the wrestling ring, it is not always logical. So I tried to temper my expectations while knowing he would at least be one of the last five guys left. When it got down to four guys, I still was sticking with my pick of Sheamus, but then when him and Del Rio went over, my hope got way too high. My hopes rose and fall as things went back and forth, but then Cesaro picked him up, and the entire crowd shot to their feet in the background as he put him over the top rope. Everybody freaked out. Everybody is now part of a worldwide Cesaro Section, and moments like that are why I watch pro wrestling as an adult, because I cheer for Cesaro like I am a 12-year-old.

2. Hulk Hogan, Stone Cold, and The Rock
Speaking of cheering like a prepubescent boy, this just made me happy. I enjoyed everything. Sure, Hogan is senile and calling the Superdome the Silverdome, and yes I found it hilarious to hear Stone Cold and The Rock make fun of him for that. But nostalgia like this will always work for me. If you put Flair out there, that might be wrestling's Mount Rushmore (arguments can be made for Andre or Vince), and that is special. Then they drank beers together and Hulk tried to sip his beer as he is old school and does not want to waste any beer. Meanwhile, Stone Cold drinks a six pack and has about nine ounces of beer. The Rock has even less, because he can't be putting those carbs in his body. There wasn't a match on the main card for the first half hour, and I didn't care one bit, because the Little Boy Joe loves these moments.

1. The Shield vs. The Old Guys
Best match on the card, BY FAR. I couldn't have imagined a better match. It was perfect. Will this be a Match of the Year? No, but that doesn't mean it wasn't perfect. From interrupting the New Age Outlaws during their stupid spiel, to coming out in scary masks, to wearing their slutty SWAT outfits, to not letting the old guys have any offense, to taking turns annihilating guys, to the triple-double powerbomb, to Reigns and Ambrose celebrating on the ropes before the ref had the chance to make the three count. Perfect.

WrestleMania turns me into a child, and I LOVE IT.

WrestleMania 30 Betting Odds and Predictions

I'm sure a lot of you nerds are excited for your games of dress-up and sword play with the Game of Thrones premiere this Sunday, but since I'm oozing machismo, I'll be watching oiled up dudes take their shirts off and wrestle in their underwear. You know, real man stuff. WrestleMania 30 is going to be great, and I say that as someone who is not at all pumped about this card on paper. My favorite wrestler is on the preshow, the one wrestler I know is wrestling three dudes who combined age is 140, and I am highly doubting that any of my favorites from NXT are going to be making an appearance. But it's still WrestleMania, and there will definitely be awesome matches and hopefully a few surprises (although I doubt they find a way to make that banner image come true). To top it all off, I'm joined by a very special guest, Lukewarm Jonah, as we're going to break down the card match by match to see if there are any good betting opportunities, so you can make that scrilla and get yourself some extra months of the WWE Network (sorry to my foreign friends who are not able to purchase the network).

Tag Team Championship Match

The Usos (Champions) -250 vs. The Real Americans +175 vs. Rybaxel +250 vs. Los Matadores +600

Hott Joe: First off, let's eliminate Rybaxel, because I can't imagine anyway that they win the tag titles. They are just filling out the card. Next, let's eliminate Los Matadores, who are likely only in this match so Cesaro can swing El Torito to the moon. That leaves The Usos and The Real Americans. On one hand, they have been teasing a Real Americans breakup for a while, but on the other hand, they have also been teasing us with these possible breakups only for the group to stay together (The Shield), so it could go either way. I feel like this is an opportunity to propel Cesaro forward, but I think they will do it by splitting him up from his tag partner. The Usos take advantage and retain their tag titles.

LJ: The Usos are my pick. I don't like picking favorites, but I feel like I have to in this case.  The Usos just won the tag titles and they’re not going to simply lose them a month later.  The Real Americans are the only team with a real shot at winning and they’re going to break up soon so the Usos retain.

Winner: The Usos

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Alexander Rusev 7/4

Big Show 2/1

Sheamus 6/1

Dolph Ziggler 6/1

Alberto Del Rio 14/1

The Miz 14/1

Rey Mysterio 14/1

Big E 18/1

Fandango 18/1

Christian 18/1

Mark Henry 18/1

Cody Rhodes 25/1

Goldust 25/1

Damien Sandow 25/1

Titus O’Neil 50/1

The Great Khali 60/1

Zack Ryder 75/1

Sin Cara 75/1

Brad Maddox 75/1

Heath Slater 75/1

Jinder Mahal 75/1

Drew McIntyre 75/1

Kofi Kingston 75/1

Brodus Clay 75/1

Darren Young 80/1

Justin Gabriel 80/1

R-Truth 80/1

Santino Marella 80/1

Field 15/2

LJ: How the hell is Rusev the favorite in this match?  That randomness really makes we want to pick him, but I’m taking Ziggler.  Show is the obvious choice, so I don’t think he’s winning.  It seems like they’re actually giving Ziggler a push again so hopefully this is the start of another main event run for him.

Hott Joe: So I'm going to make this simple and immediately eliminate everyone whose odds are 18/1 or worse. Sorry, guys, but you all have no chance of winning this thing.  Next, let's eliminate The Miz and Alberto Del Rio as they have been losing nonstop for the past few months, so I don't see why they would win this thing. Next, as much as it pains me to do this, I have to eliminate Dolph Ziggler, as he is very near that Miz and ADR area. That leaves us five choices. Alexander Rusev, The Big Show, Sheamus, Rey Mysterio Jr., and The Field. Although The Field is very interesting since it could be a lot of different people, I don't see Hulk Hogan being a mystery entrant so I think you can mark that off as well. The WWE is about prestige, and I don't think they can trust a newbie like Rusev as the winner of this thing. He would be my pick for most eliminations, but I don't see him winning it. The last three are the guys to consider. I would say that Mysterio has the smallest (no pun intended) chance of winning, although the WWE could love the irony of Mysterio winning a battle royal dedicated to the largest athlete in wrestling history. So, for me, it comes down to Sheamus or Big Show. Since they hinted at Big Show winning it on Raw, I'll go Sheamus.

Winner: Dolph Ziggler (Lukewarm Jonah)/Sheamus (Hott Joe)

Hustle, Loyalty, Sheep Match
Bray Wyatt -350 vs. John Cena +225

Hott Joe: It seems like Wyatt needs this win to propel himself forward, but it's not like him beating Cena would end a feud with Cena and let him move on from things. That being said, there is no reason for Cena to win and move on, because there's nowhere for him to go either. I think this drags on for a while, but I do think that Bray Wyatt gets the win with help from Rowan and Harper.

LJ: Wyatt winning here makes a ton of sense, he’s a hot up and coming heel who is super over.  On the other hand, John Cena is an actual underdog in a match.  It’s tough to pass up betting on Cena as an underdog but I think Wyatt wins, and may even put Cena out of commission for a couple of months.  The feud will continue and Cena will eventually win, but Wyatt probably takes the first match.

Winner: Bray Wyatt

Random Match To Highlight The Shield
The Shield -800 vs. Kane and The New Age Outlaws +425

Hott Joe: It makes no sense to put the old guys over The Shield, but I still don't think I would bet on it with these odds. The WWE may try some trickery for this match. But they shouldn't. Believe in The Shield.

LJ: It’s upset time, and it’s a big one.  Three jabronis taking on one of the coolest groups in years?  Seems like an easy choice, but I have a theory.  The Shield was about to break up but has become a cohesive unit again.  This won’t last long as Roman Reigns needs to have his big singles push.  I think the Shield break up happens in this match leading to Kane pinning whatever guy gets left alone in the ring.

Winner: The Shield (Hott Joe)/Old Dudes (Lukewarm Jonah)

The Streak

The Undertaker -3000 vs. Brock Lesnar +900

Hott Joe: The Undertaker is definitely the guy who has been selected to win this match. But still, how awesome would it be if Lesnar went rogue and turned it into the most brutal shoot in wrestling history? It would be glorious. But that's not going to happen.

LJ: Do I really need to pick this match?  Undertaker beats Lesnar.  I think Lesnar puts on a great match and this could definitely be the match of the night but there is no way Lesnar beats Taker.  There will be some great near falls, but Taker always wins, except if Giant Gonzalez makes a return.

Winner: The Undertaker

Vickie Guerrero Divas Championship Invitational

AJ Lee (-300) vs. The Field (+200)

LJ: I’ll take the field in this match.  Now AJ Lee is the best Diva on the roster, but she’s been champ for 250 plus days.  It’s time for someone else to win the title, more than likely one of the Bellas.  I’m actually surprised Lee is a favorite in this match, it seems like it’s being build to some other diva getting a run with the title.

Hott Joe: The WWE doesn't give a shit about the Divas division. Total Divas is far more important to them. It's kind of stupid to have AJ lose her title this way, but there are a ton of other ladies in this match. It just seems like the odds are too good to pass up. I'm taking The Field, and I will take Naomi to win the title, although Eva Marie would make me laugh my ass off.

Winner: The Field, A Bella Twin (Lukewarm Jonah)/Naomi (Hott Joe)

#1 Contender Match (Kind of)

Daniel Bryan -2000 vs. Triple H +800

Hott Joe: Although I could see the WWE pissing off the crowd during WrestleMania, I can't see them doing it for this match. If they do it here, there are going to be nonstop boos for the main event, and although the WWE has enjoyed trolling its fans, they can't even survive that for their biggest show of the year. Daniel Bryan gets his revenge on Triple H and wins the match.

LJ: This may not make any sense after reading that I think Daniel Bryan will win the World Title but I’m very tempted to pick Triple H in this match via screw job, but then the Hulkster will insert Bryan into the match.  I wouldn’t bet on this with the terrible odds, but officially I have to take Bryan, he needs to make Trips tap in the middle of the ring and go on to win the World Title.
Winner: Daniel Bryan

WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match
Daniel Bryan -700 vs. Batista +750 vs. Randy Orton +1000 (Triple H is +1200)
LJ: Tough to go against the favorite here.  The only conceivable thing they could do is some sort of screw job that lets Batista win, but they’ve been screwing Bryan for six months now.  It’s time for him to have his moment here.  Bryan is the pick.

Hott Joe: Here is where I feel like the money can be made. I don't see Daniel Bryan winning this match, because he doesn't need this win. As long as he gets his win over Triple H, he has proven himself as a main event wrestler. Winning the title does nothing important for him, and I also see this being the order of the matches, so he will be worn down when this match begins which gives him a built-in excuse. I still think Triple H will do something to prevent him from winning the title, so his only real hope is that Hogan interferes on his behalf. I think Vince McMahon has planned on putting the title on Batista for about six months, and I don't think he's going to change his plan now. I've got Batista winning the title.
Winner: Daniel Bryan (Lukewarm Jonah)/Batista (Hott Joe)

Surprises
Hott Joe: You can't bet on any of this, but I'll predict that CM Punk comes out at the end of WrestleMania and nails Batista with a GTS, so everyone in the crowd can freak out and be happy at the end of the event.

I've been hearing rumors of RVD being one of the three extra entries in the Battle Royal, so sorry if that spoils things for you. I'll go ahead and give Jake "The Snake" Roberts one of the other spots. For the third extra guy, I will take Savio Vega, because Savio Vega is a legend when it comes to surprise appearances.

Hulk Hogan gets involved to help out Daniel Bryan in some way. I hinted at this earlier, but I think Hogan helps out Daniel Bryan at some point in the night. I think it happens in his efforts to beat Triple H, possibly taking out Kane and the New Age Outlaws. Although that just gave me a way better idea of Hulk Hogan being the fourth member of The Shield. That would be Too SWEEEEEEEEEEET.

What the WWE Should Do With Daniel Bryan

Okay, so here is my dream angle for Daniel Bryan:

Bryan continues to shoot promos on Raw, and the McMahons continue to have security to escort him out of the building. After three or four weeks, they kick him out when Antonio Cesaro and Sami Zayn come out and beat up the security guards. Cesaro is a bad guy right now, but he can explain, "This isn't about a gimmick, this is about wrestling." This is when I get fully hard, because that would totally be awesome. The angle can go in one or two ways at this point.

1. These guys just start hauling ass on people, because they are as good or better wrestlers than anybody in the WWE. They eventually face off against a team of Orton, Del Rio, and Triple H. The wrestlers are about to win when all of a sudden, Sierra Hotel India Echo Lima Delta hits. The Shield comes strutting down the stairs. They get to the ring, Dean Ambrose takes the mic and says, "We fight for injustice. We have no beef with you guys. As you were," and the wrestlers put on some sick ass finishing move to win the match. That would be totally awesome.

2. Instead of fighting the guys the WWE loves, they have matches with each other. They bring in guys like Tyson Kidd, Kassius Ohno, and some other NXT guys and just have awesome wrestling matches. Instead of them proving themselves to the other WWE wrestlers, the other WWE wrestlers start proving themselves to the wrestlers. Dolph Ziggler starts wrestling against them. The Shield has matches against them. Hell, eventually, they could invent their own title, and this could anger Randy Orton so much that he challenges their champion to unify the belts. This would also be totally awesome.

Full disclosure: I'm just looking for an awesome way to get Antonio Cesaro a push.

Predictions Leading Up To Wrestlemania 29

I spend way too much time thinking about professional wrestling. I say that as a 28 year old, fully functioning adult, who has seduced ladies in real life. I know that combination is surprising for many people, but pro wrestling is awesome. I have obviously waxed poetically about Antonio Cesaro before, but there is a lot of interesting things going on. The Rock is back. He won the title. CM Punk held the title for like a year and a half before that. John Cena lost every important match for a year straight. So what's going to happen next?

CM Punk is going to talk about how his title reign (even though he doesn't have the title, he still talks as if the title is still his) is the most impressive streak in professional wrestling. He will face The Rock at Elimination Chamber. In this match, The Rock will be close to winning, but then Brock Lesnar will attack him to help CM Punk win. Punk will hit his finisher, the GTS (Go To Sleep), but before he can pin him. The lights will go out. Undertaker will take out Punk, helping The Rock retain the title. Undertaker will then face CM Punk at Wrestlemania since his undefeated Wrestlemania streak is considered the greatest streak in professional wrestling.

John Cena and friends will beat The Shield at Elimination Chamber, because John Cena is now invincible. He will beat The Rock at Wrestlemania. They will hug after the match in a "passing the torch" moment. John Cena may not lose in 2013.

Don't feel bad for The Rock; Fast and the Furious Six will go down as the greatest movie ever made.

Kane and Daniel Bryan will continue to be Kane and Daniel Bryan. That's all the insight I have on those guys.

Antonio Cesaro is going to hold the US Title forever, because he's the best, and nobody will ever beat him outside of Ryback who has beaten him like three times in non-title matches. Hasn't Ryback earned a title shot yet? Apparently not. They just like to delegitimize their champions, which is dumb. Shit, Miz will probably win this title by Wrestlemania. But that will just open up Cesaro for bigger and better things.

Dolph Ziggler will face Chris Jericho at Wrestlemania. Brock Lesnar will take on Triple H.

Alberto Del Rio will beat The Big Show at Elimination Chamber. Dolph Ziggler will not cash in his Money in the Bank.

Mark Henry will win the Elimination Chamber to face Del Rio at Wrestlemania. Del Rio will win, only to have Dolph Ziggler run out to cash in his Money in the Bank. Wrestlemania is full of "smart" wrestling fans, and they will give a huge pop for Ziggler when he comes out to win the title.

My final prediction is the worst possible idea I could come up with that the WWE would actually consider: After John Cena and friends beat The Shield at Elimination Chamber, they become convinced that Cena is right and they are wrong. Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins, and Roman Reigns will begin to dress in bright colors and be known as Hustle, Loyalty, and Respect.