Little Kids Love Pro Wrestling

So we had two young children staying at our house this week, and I learned a lot through the experience. The 7-month-old and me didn't really do much interacting. She wasn't that interested in me, and honestly, I wasn't that interested in her either. Triple B yo, Babies Be Boring. But the 3-year-old and me were more on the same wavelength. Does this mean I think like a toddler? Yes, yes it does, and I am not ashamed by that.

Anyway, I used this opportunity to poison the future potential of this country by exposing this child to pro wrestling, because of course I was going to show a 3-year-old how awesome pro wrestling is. I mean, his parents knew I was going to do it when they left, and my wife knew I was going to do it too. It was just a matter of finding the right opportunity. I kept asking if he wanted to watch wrestling, but he just kept wanting to watch episodes of the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (which I will have hot takes on in the near future). Our conversations kept going like this:

Me: You want to watch wrestling?
Him: Turtles.
Me: But wrestling is super cool.
Him: Turtles.
Me (under my breath): Damnit.

This conversation happened about a half dozen times before I finally found my opening when he was putting out (imaginary) fires throughout the house. I put on Raw, but he was more playing with his trucks than actually watching. Then, Kevin Owens wrestled Neville, and it finally caught his attention and hooked him. With all of Neville's flips, he was entranced with the show. There were a bunch of near falls, and I tried to explain a 3-count to him (the pinfall type, not the boy band type), and he kind of nodded his head to make me think he understood.

Then I was sitting on the couch, and I hear him go, "1...2...3!" before jumping on my back and choking me. He did not totally understand a 3-count, but he sure did enjoy counting to three and trying to beat me up, and that's really the most important aspect of pro wrestling.

Eventually, my wife made us stop fighting, because we were being loud as he attacked, and I flipped him onto the couch, showing my dominance of 3-year-olds. She threatened that I'd have to take care of the baby if we woke it up, and that was definitely enough for me to turn off wrestling and go back to Ninja Turtles. God, wives are so lame.

So will the love of pro wrestling blossom? The bad news is that I don't think his parents want to be stuck watching pro wrestling, but the good news is that he was bragging to his parents that he beat me up when we watched wrestling. Oh, that sweet high of carefree violence. That'll get any kid coming back for more.

Pro wrestling is the best.

Cesaro vs. Zayn IV Was The Match Both Guys Needed

No real introduction needed. Cesaro/Zayn IV was an incredible match on NXT ArRIVAL, and you should sign up for the WWE Network to watch it. Now onto why this match was so great.

Number one, it was an awesome match. It was a far different match than their 2-out-of-3 falls match, but it was right up there in quality.

Number two, it made sense. Going into the match, I thought Zayn was probably a slight favorite in my head, because he needed this match, and Cesaro was dismissing him as he knew he was better. That's almost always a recipe for the underdog triumphing, but in this case, the underdog didn't deserve to triumph. Since they had that match, Cesaro has turned into a monster who beat the WWE World Heavyweight Champion, Randy Orton, did serious damage in an Elimination Chamber, and nearly beat John Cena. Meanwhile, Sami Zayn's most notable matches are losing to Bo Dallas, barely beating Leo Kruger by rollup, and then getting beat by Adrian Neville.

Clearly, Cesaro is on the upswing, and Zayn has just been stagnating, and the match reflected that beautifully. In their last match, the offense was pretty even for both guys and Cesaro just barely edged him. In this match, Zayn got some offense, because he's still great, but Cesaro dominated the match. The perfect example of that was Zayn going for his dive through the ropes spinning DDT (which, if you haven't seen it, is just as awesome as it sounds). In the first match, he nails Cesaro with it, and it's phenomenal. Everybody is looking for that move to happen again, and Zayn is set up perfectly for it. He dives through the ropes to catch Cesaro, but instead Cesaro absolutely destroys him with a European uppercut. Right there, in that single move, it showed that Zayn is great, but Cesaro is better.

In the end, Zayn showed that he's one of the toughest guys out there when it comes to punishment, but Cesaro got to show that he was better. People who had never watched NXT before still get to see that Cesaro is on the rise and that this Sami Zayn character is super tough but not quite on the same level as the best guys on the main roster. That totally makes sense. Cesaro should win that match, and Zayn still looks great by being dynamic in the ring and tougher than nails. It wasn't as important that he lost, because a WWE crowd can get behind tough guys. Mankind was mostly known for taking insane beatings until he got over. Zayn isn't a big guy, so he's always going to be somewhat of an underdog, so if he has an insane ability to fight through pain, it's a much more important building block than a single win over Cesaro could be for him.

This is the match that both guys needed, and I loved every second of it. 

I Took My Wife To A WWE NXT House Show For Date Night

The nice thing about being married is that any excuse to get out of the house and do something together can be considered a date. My wife knows that I am not a romantic, so she has very low standards for a good time out. Her low expectations have been a boon for me. We have had two great date nights in the past few weeks, as a couple weeks ago, we went to the Orange Bowl. This past weekend, I took it to a whole new level, by taking my wrestling nerdery to a whole new level, and taking my wife for a night out at a WWE NXT house show.

The event took place at the Lakeland Armory, and when I walked in, I had mixed emotions. I was pumped, because there were only about 150 seats, so I knew my GA seats would be in the third row. I was a little disappointed, because the ceiling was so low that I knew there was not going to be any high flying maneuvers that night. Anyway, there was no alcohol served, so I decided to relive my high school days and pound some Mountain Dews while watching wrestling. I am a child.

We got there about a half hour before the show, which was right in time for the pre-show autograph signing with NXT superstars Jason Jordan and Mason Ryan. But then they announced a special guest appearance with Billy Gunn. Unfortunately, I forgot my Ass Man shirt at home, and since I was unable to get that signed, I really didn't care about getting autographs.

Then, I saw him. A real-life WWE (WCW, if you want to get technical) Superstar. One of my wrestling heroes. A man that has inspired my earliest West Coast Dance moves. That's right, it was Screamin' Norman Smiley.

He was across the crowd from me, so I made the choice to wait as surely he would work his way around closer, so I could thank the man for all of his influence on me. This was a huge mistake on my part, as he only popped out from behind the curtain for that single minute, and I never saw him again the rest of the night. I'm still mad at myself, because Norman Smiley is the best.

Never forget.

Anyway, back to the NXT show. I'll quickly break it down, match by match.

Devin Taylor introduced Slate Randall as our host. He seemed pretty good on the microphone, but that may have been just because he was alongside Devin Taylor, so the bar was not exactly set high. Anyway, he's a stereotypical cocky jerk, so I'll be interested to see his character on television.

The first match of the night was Aiden English vs. Colin Cassady. It wasn't a really solid match and probably my second favorite of the night. They worked well with each other, and it's just really fun to chant S-A-W-F-T SAAAAAAAAAWFT.

The next match was Sylvester LeFort and Marcus Louis vs. Mason Ryan and Jason Jordan who are tagging up, because they are muscular and their first names' rhyme. Before the match started, I told my wife to wait for the USA chants, because they were coming, despite Mason Ryan being Welsh. About three seconds later, Jason Jordan started the chants. I proudly chanted along, because America. Anyway, LeFort and Louis had a pretty funny chant thing they were doing that I couldn't totally make out the words, but I have a feeling I will be seeing it soon on NXT.

After that, it was Baron Corbin vs. CJ Parker, and I felt bad for both guys. I don't like CJ Parker, but shit, everybody else hates CJ Parker, and it is just a constant stream of people yelling at him about how badly he sucks. There were 7-year-old kids yelling at him about how much he sucks. This is a problem with NXT shows, because it is full of Smarks. Fans who love the bad guys and hate the good guys. I fall into this group, but I still try to cheer good guys and boo the bad guys, because that's the reaction that will actually help the wrestlers. I don't really need other wrestling fans to think I'm cool, but good for the people who need that sort of affirmation. His hippy gimmick does not make sense, and my wife brought up a really good point that his bright white go-go boots don't quite fit the hippy lifestyle. He should probably get some birkenstocks. Anyway, I also felt bad for Corbin, because he tried to be a heel, but Hitler would have trouble getting heat when facing CJ Parker. I just felt bad for everyone involved.

After that, there was an appearance from Sweet T, who immediately tried to become a heel again. Then Leo Kruger came out with his new gimmick, Adam Rose, and he now has a fat manager named Humphrey. They love to dance, but his accent makes it sound like Donce, and I have been chanting donce ever since. It's starting to wear down my wife. Honestly, this was the best match of the night, as they went back and forth and put on a really fun match for the crowd. I'm now a huge Adam Rose fan and despite the cool fans continually chanting Leo Kruger, I think this gimmick has way more potential to get him on the main roster. Also, hopefully Broadus and Sweet T become heels, because they need something to switch it up.

After intermission, they kicked it off with a Divas match with some redhead named Becky Lynch against Bayley. It was a little slow, but it was fine. Bayley was definitely a fan favorite despite my wife describing her as "softball girly looking."

Then it was Corey Graves vs. Troy McClane (I didn't catch the guy's last name, but that was the only Troy I found on the roster). There was an incredibly annoying fan who would not stop yelling. Corey Graves rightfully told her that nobody wanted to hear her, and became an instant fan favorite, because that lady was seriously the worst. Troy was going through his infomercial spiel, but the lady would not shut up, so I couldn't hear half of it. Since Corey Graves talked trash to that lady, he became my wife's favorite wrestler of the night. Most people either really like or really hate him, but I'm kind of blah on him. He's perfectly fine.

Finally, it was the main event between Adrian Neville and Bo Dallas. Bo seemed to phone in this match, and with the low ceilings, there wasn't much that Neville could really do. He did some flippy stuff, and Bo Dallas put on some decent offense, but they had a cheap pin from Dallas end the match, and it was a pretty anticlimactic ending to the night.

Overall, it was a fun night. There was some solid wrestling, and for $10, it's really tough to beat that value. I was disappointed that Tyler Breeze was not there, and I didn't really expect Sami Zayn to be there, so that wasn't much of a surprise. Still, there were a lot of good wrestlers, and even my wife had a good time.

But next time I am definitely getting that picture with Norman Smiley.