I'm a Knicks Fan This Year

I am a lifelong Bulls fan. Growing up near-ish Chicago during Jordan's prime basically ensured that I would love the Bulls with all of my heart. But I remember the bad years as well, drafting guys like Marcus Fizer and signing guys like Eddie Robinson; they were awful for a really long time. Then they started drafting better, lucked into the number one pick and had one of the best coaches in the NBA, so it was a whole lot easier to like them.

Then the Bulls got rid of that coach for a guy whose best attribute was getting guys kicked out of other universities to come to his and play together. Shockingly, that did not spell success at the NBA level. Then, they basically got rid of everyone from those fun grinding Bulls teams, only keeping Jimmy Butler and Taj Gibson around. And of course, I still like those guys, I even like Dwyane Wade, Doug McDermott, Nikola Mirotic, and Bobby Portis, but I like those guys more in a vacuum than on this team. Also, they picked up Rajon Rondo, the player I hate the most in the NBA, and another shocker here, it hasn't worked out too well.

So I'm a still Bulls fan, but I don't want to actually watch the Bulls. You see my predicament here? So I've watched some other NBA teams. I have to eliminate all west coast teams, because I can't stay up that late. I'm not going to watch a good team, because then I might fall in love, and I don't want to do that to the Bulls, so I glanced around the league and found the perfect solution, The New York Knickerbockers.

I mean, let's think about it. The only other decent options are the Pacers who show potential but aren't all that fun, and the Bucks, but they're a little too cool and spelling Giannis Antetokounmpo is just a giant pain to spell, so I didn't want to write that.

As a Bulls fan during the 90s, I am predisposed to hating the Knicks, and yes, I will forever hate John Starks and think that they were responsible for the worst years of basketball after Jordan retried (in my mind, Jordan retired from the Bulls and never played again). So saying out loud that I like the Knicks is difficult, but watching the Knicks is a really enjoyable experience.

Let's get the obvious out of the way. They took two of my all-time favorite Bulls when they got Joakim Noah and Derrick Rose this offseason. I still love these guys. Neither of them is the same player they were in their prime, but they show enough flashes to let you get lost in the moments and convince yourself that they are about to have a career renaissance. Rose can still make ridiculous drives and avoid contact as he lays something up high off the glass, and Noah isn't as springy, but he is wily and still more hustle plays than you can expect from any single person. I will forever love watching these guys play (Also, not concerned about Derrick Rose just disappearing from the team last week; that's part of the Derrick Rose charm).

The next reason to like the Knicks is Carmelo Anthony. Carmelo gets a bad rap, because he has never won anything in the NBA, but he's still super awesome at basketball. When Melo gets hot, it is special. I saw the Knicks play the Heat earlier this year, and it was a close game about halfway through the third quarter until Melo just decided to make a shot every time he touched the ball. It finally stopped when he took a contested three as a heat check, but by that time, the Knicks were up double digits and the game was over. Appreciate Carmelo Anthony, because even though he's not the perfect basketball player, he is one of the best.

Then there's Kristaps Porzingis. Porzingis is the guy everyone wants to talk about, but he's still a distant fourth for my favorite Knicks players to watch. Don't get me wrong. He's really good, but he doesn't compare to those top three. His game is easy to enjoy; it's effortless. He's fully appreciated, which makes it less fun to root for him but still fun to watch him.

After that, I still enjoy watching Brandon Jennings. I know he can't make a shot to save his life, but he can still dribble real nicely, and that counts for something. I guess I could say I like Kyle O'Quinn and Courtney Lee, but those are just solid players that you should like, not players that I really care about. They could easily be replaced.

The rest of the Knicks bench is hot garbage. There is nothing of notable talent or consequences, and that's fine. It gives them a ton of potential for easy upgrades. But that's nitpicking at this point.

With D-Rose, Noah, Melo, Zinger, and Young Money, this team is the perfect blend of fun and stupidity. And since they are likely to lose Rose and Jennings after this year, it will be easy to throw them to the side and start cheering for the Bulls after they ditch Rondo and Hoiberg. The Knicks are my team...for this year.

Reviewing My Fantasy Basketball Draft - Part 2

My annual fantasy basketball draft was held this past Tuesday, and as opposed to a free-for-all with everyone having a chance to take home a title, this is more a ceremony, almost a coronation, if you will, as I have yet again acquired a ton of basketball assets to put myself in prime position to take home another fantasy basketball championship. Since we can trade between leagues, I had an extra first and fourth round pick as well as a couple prime keepers. But, just for fun, we'll take a look at the draft, and see who has the best chance of coming in second place this year. I knocked out the first five rounds last week, so today, let's tackle rounds 6-10, with the finale coming tomorrow.

ROUND 6

61 DeMar DeRozan, Tor SG Wennington Baseline

62 Kobe Bryant, LAL SG Unleash the Dragic

63 C.J. McCollum, Por PG Duncan's Donuts

64 J.J. Redick, LAC SG Butt Stuff

65 Kyle Korver, Atl SG Kissing Cousins

66 George Hill, Ind PG Wilson Chandler Bing

67 Dirk Nowitzki, Dal PF For the love of the game

68 Jarrett Jack, Bkn PG Team Autoprick

69 Gorgui Dieng, Min C oladipOOOOYEA YOURHOT!!!!!!

70 Nikola Mirotic, Chi PF Flint Tropics

71 Danilo Gallinari, Den SF   The Outsiders

72 Ricky Rubio, Min PG The Kid From Thunder Struck

Best Pick: Dirk Nowitzki

I was pretty shocked how far Dirk fell in the draft. It’s not like he was rated super high, but it’s still Dirk Nowitzki, and he didn’t fall off that much last season. Obviously, with anyone his age, health is an issue, but if he can stay relatively healthy, it would be pretty shocking if he wasn’t a top-50 player this season.

Worst Pick: JJ Redick

I don’t know how you take Redick when Korver is still on the board. Redick has struggled with injuries, and with the Clippers increased depth, he is likely to see less minutes and shots this season. 

My Pick: Danilo Gallinari

My goal for this round was to add some shooting, and Gallinari fills that role. He was solid last year, but I think he takes a big step forward this season since he will be another year removed from his injury. The second year is the time to strike on injured players, so I really think Gallinari can be a big part of the Nuggets offense this year and have my team joining the Mile High Club. Wait, I think I just implied that my fantasy basketball team is going to have a giant orgy in an airplane. I just meant that they’ll be good; the orgy was not intended.

ROUND 7

73 Dwyane Wade, Mia SG The Kid From Thunder Struck

74 Isaiah Thomas, Bos PG   The Outsiders

75 Zach Randolph, Mem PF Flint Tropics

76 Emmanuel Mudiay, Den PG oladipOOOOYEA YOURHOT!!!!!!

77 Ryan Anderson, Nor PF Team Autoprick

78 Markieff Morris, Pho PF For the love of the game

79 Jimmy Butler, Chi SG Wilson Chandler Bing

80 Wesley Matthews, Dal SG Kissing Cousins

81 David Lee, Bos PF Butt Stuff

82 Thaddeus Young, Bkn SF Duncan's Donuts

83 Jordan Clarkson, LAL PG Unleash the Dragic

84 Trevor Ariza, Hou SF Wennington Baseline

Keepers: Isaiah Thomas and Jimmy Butler

Best Pick: Wesley Matthews

I came very close to selecting Matthews with the Gallinari pick, but he is coming off of a serious injury. Still, Wes Matthews is a guy that continues to be doubted and continues to do awesome things on a basketball court. He’ll likely start off slow, but by midway through the season, I think you’ll see the vintage Wes Matthews, just in a Mavericks jersey instead of the Blazers.

Worst Pick: David Lee

Are we sure David Lee is still good at basketball? The Celtics basically took him to swap out a completely worthless player (Sorry, Gerald Wallace). Is he beating out Olynyk and Sullinger for playing time? I don’t know what David Lee is, but I know it’s not too impressive, because he barely played last year, and his team did just fine without him. I’m not saying he’s a terrible player now, but I’m also not willing to go on the record to say he’s a good one.

My Pick: Isaiah Thomas

Isaiah Thomas was one of my keepers for this year, and I feel very good about him. He could have gone as high as the fourth round, so to get him in the seventh is a very nice value play for me. Isaiah Thomas will continue to produce good numbers, because he’s Boston’s best scoring option, so they are going to need him if they ever want to put up more than 75 points. It’s also always nice to get an NBA player who is only as tall as me, so here’s one to the little guys.

ROUND 8

85 Jahlil Okafor, Phi C Wennington Baseline

86 Robin Lopez, NY C Unleash the Dragic

87 D'Angelo Russell, LAL PG Duncan's Donuts

88 Jabari Parker, Mil SF Flint Tropics

89 Enes Kanter, OKC C Kissing Cousins

90 Marcin Gortat, Wsh C Wilson Chandler Bing

91 J.R. Smith, Cle SG For the love of the game

92 Arron Afflalo, NY SG Team Autoprick

93 Elfrid Payton, Orl PG oladipOOOOYEA YOURHOT!!!!!!

94 Julius Randle, LAL PF Flint Tropics

95 Paul George, Ind SF   The Outsiders

96 Jrue Holiday, Nor PG The Kid From Thunder Struck

Keepers: Julius Randle and Paul George

Best Pick: Jahlil Okafor

I have to say, this is a really strong round of guys that I like. I think D’Angelo Russell is getting underestimated because of a poor Summer League, but I’m also not sure how the Lakers pieces are going to fit together. I also like Jabari coming back, but I don’t know how the minutes are going to play out since they have Middleton and Giannis with a bunch of bigs. I also love Jrue Holiday, always and forever, because if he can stay healthy, even with limiting his minutes some, dude is one of the ten best point guards in the league. Still, I’ll go with Okafor, because somebody has to score for the 76ers, and I think it will likely be him. He’ll rebound well enough, but he’s not going to be great with defensive categories. Still, he has a good chance of outperforming his draft position and being a keeper for the following season.

Worst Pick: J.R. Smith

Do you want to be the guy who buys in on J.R. Smith? I don’t want to be that guy. You shouldn’t want to be that guy either. Don’t be that guy.

My Pick: Paul George

I took him in the tenth round last year strictly for this purpose. The Pacers are looking to run more this season which should mean an even greater chance for Paul George to succeed. Obviously, he had a very serious injury, but considering he made it back late last year, I don’t think it will slow him down too much this year. Obviously, George was great before the injury, but I think a lot of people are forgetting how many people were expecting him to take another step forward to join the elite of the elite before his injury. Worst case scenario, he’s great, best case scenario, he’s an absolute fantasy monster.

ROUND 9

97 Terrence Jones, Hou PF The Kid From Thunder Struck

98 Joakim Noah, Chi C   The Outsiders

99 Otto Porter Jr., Wsh SF Flint Tropics

100 Michael Carter-Williams, Mil PG oladipOOOOYEA YOURHOT!!!!!!

101 Jeremy Lin, Cha PG Team Autoprick

102 DeMarre Carroll, Tor SF For the love of the game

103 Wilson Chandler, Den SF Wilson Chandler Bing

104 Stanley Johnson, Det SF Kissing Cousins

105 Eric Gordon, Nor SG Butt Stuff

106 Trey Burke, Uta PG Duncan's Donuts

107 Rajon Rondo, Sac PG Unleash the Dragic

108 Draymond Green, GS SF Wennington Baseline

Keepers: DeMarre Carroll and Draymond Green

Best Pick: Michael Carter-Williams

I’m not a huge MCW fan, but it’s gotten to the point where people are focusing way too much on what he doesn’t do than appreciating what he does do. He’s an absolute beast defensively, and he can dish out assists. He isn’t a great shooter; that sucks, but he’s still a really good player in the right system. The Bucks knew what they were getting when they traded for him, so he is going to get a chance to do what he does best.

Worst Pick: Jeremy Lin

Jeremy Lin is fine. But he is what he is, and that’s a backup point guard. He’s nothing special, but he did play really special for a few weeks. If he’s your backup point guard, you should feel good. If you’re drafting him in fantasy, uuuuuuh, I wouldn’t feel too good about that.

My Pick: Joakim Noah

I’d like to believe this is an upside pick, but it may be a homer pick. I love Joakim. Every Bulls fan loves Joakim. Did you know that two years ago he was an MVP Candidate and actually won Defensive Player of the Year? It’s true. You can look it up and everything. He was never healthy last year, and I think increased health along with moderate minutes considering the depth the Bulls have in the frontcourt, I think Joakim will bounce back. He can fill it up in all categories, and that is ideal for what I need out of my big men.

ROUND 10

109 Roy Hibbert, LAL C Wennington Baseline

110 Kristaps Porzingis, NY PF Unleash the Dragic

111 Jusuf Nurkic*, Den C Duncan's Donuts

112 Kentavious Caldwell-Pope, Det SG Butt Stuff

113 Robert Covington, Phi PF Kissing Cousins

114 Tyson Chandler, Pho C Wilson Chandler Bing

115 Danny Green, SA SG For the love of the game

116 P.J. Tucker, Pho SG Team Autoprick

117 Tony Parker, SA PG oladipOOOOYEA YOURHOT!!!!!!

118 Zach LaVine, Min PG Flint Tropics

119 Tristan Thompson, Cle PF oladipOOOOYEA YOURHOT!!!!!!

120 Deron Williams, Dal PG The Kid From Thunder Struck

Keeper: Danny Green

Best Pick: Deron Williams

Typing that makes me feel stupid. It may actually legally make me a stupid person, but I’m still not ready to totally give up on Deron Williams. Everybody wants to count out the Mavericks this year, but if they can figure out a Center, there’s no reason they can’t compete for a playoff spot with their roster. Deron Williams was a high school wrestler, and I will always stick by wrestlers, so great pick here (likely not a great pick, but if things work out, a solid pick).

Worst Pick: P.J. Tucker

I think Tucker is a solid player, but I think he is going to be less involved this season as TJ Warren takes a step forward as a huge asset for the Suns.

My Pick: No Pick

Had to give up a 10^th rounder in order to get that extra fourth. Totally worth it, though.

And that wraps up part two. Stay tuned tomorrow for the grand finale.

Which Chicago Bulls Big Man Needs To Go?

Yet again, the Chicago Bulls have raised my hopes, only to fall well short of getting an NBA Championship. Even without Kevin Love, the Cleveland Cavaliers sent the Bulls home (it was in Chicago, so short drive at least) well short of the ultimate goal. I'm a pretty reasonable sports fan, but there is something about the Bulls that always raises my hopes well beyond their accomplishments. I look at this roster, and it sure looks like it could be potent enough to succeed, but clearly something wasn't right with this team, and things need to change.

It looks like Tom Thibodeau is likely out the door, which I have mixed feelings about. He's an excellent defensive coach, but with the weapons the Bulls have on offense, it sure seems like they could be a more potent team on that side of the ball. The trap he fell into was sticking with certain big guys while ignoring their most efficient lineups. But with Gasol, Noah, Gibson, and Mirotic, the Bulls simply don't have enough minutes to fully take advantage of those players' skill-sets. So it's time to look at the roster and figure out which guy has to go to best give the Bulls a chance to take a step forward.

4. Nikola Mirotic
Yeah, this guy ain't going anywhere. He's by far the youngest guy on the front line, and he's also closest to the ideal of what a power forward should look like now that most teams have realized threes are worth more than twos. His defense is atrocious, but he's athletic enough to at least become adequate there. He's pretty cheap for the next couple years, so I really can't see any reason to get rid of this guy.

3. Taj Gibson
This is the most commonly talked about guy who needs to be traded away, but I think his versatility is needed for the Bulls. He's the perfect third big man, as he can defend centers, while also being able to step out on stretch-fours and even providing reasonable defense on wings since he does a pretty solid job when matched up against LeBron. It's a decent contract for what he provides, and it's about to look pretty good when the cap goes up. I know this is everyone's knee-jerk answer to who should be traded, but I do not see him being the best option.

2. Joakim Noah
Is Joakim Noah done? That is the question Bulls fans have to be asking themselves. Now, obviously he's not going to retire, but is he only going downhill from his performance this past year, or can he bounce back to his 2013-2014 season form when he was Defensive Player of the Year and an incredibly valuable playmaker. It seems like knee injuries are things that often take a year to fully recover from, so I'm betting on the latter. If he can get close to that form, pairing him up with Mirotic in the starting lineup makes the Bulls an incredibly dangerous team.

1. Pau Gasol
And that leaves Pau. I really like Pau and find it hard to argue that any big man was nearly as valuable as he was this season. But I'm not sure how well he would fit in if the Bulls are going to take the next steps to a championship. He is not a good pairing with Mirotic, and I think Mirotic needs to be the starter. He had an incredible season, his contract is a great deal, so he should be able to fetch something pretty dang good in return. It hurts, because Pau seems like one of the best dudes in the NBA (and he's really good at basketball), but it makes sense for the Bulls to get rid of one of their big guys (and no, Cameron Bairstow does not count), so that makes Gasol is the odd man Paut.

Reviewing the Bulls 2014 Offseason

The Bulls are one of the most interesting teams in the NBA. These past two years they have been good enough to make the playoffs, but not good enough to make it out of the first round. Still, Bulls fans have dreams of them competing for the championship in this upcoming season. These dreams were especially strong as they potentially had a lot of money to sign an impact free agent to add to the roster. Let's look at what went down, and just as important, what didn't go down and try to determine whether this offseason was a success.

First off, let's look at the draft. The Bulls had their own first round pick as well as Charlotte's, so they had a good shot of adding not one but two impact players. Still, Thibodeau has not been one to give rookies a lot of minutes, so a great impact for their rookie year would be tough to expect. On draft night, the Bulls turned two assets into one better asset when they traded the two picks for a slightly higher one in order to select Doug McDermott from Creighton. Many people thought they gave up too much to get McDermott, but if that is the player they really wanted, then it makes sense to do what is necessary to get him. There are only five guys on the floor, so getting one that you really like is a smart move. Also, one very underrated aspect of the Bulls front office is doing a very good job of acquiring talent through the draft. Taj, Joakim, and Jimmy Butler were all picks that didn't get them much acclaim but have worked out very well for the team.

Before the free agency period began, the Bulls were involved in three credible rumors, two of which were good, and one of which was terrifying. The good was a possibility of trading for Kevin Love or signing Carmelo Anthony. The bad was that the Bulls would just keep Carlos Boozer and do nothing. That last one had me waking up in cold sweats. Let's attack them one by one.

This first one is still a possibility, but I don't really think the Bulls have what it takes to get Love at this point. They could trade Taj, Mirotic, one of their wings (Snell, who looked much improved in Summer League, McDermott, or Butler) and a couple first round picks. If I were Minnesota, I'd definitely take the lottery tickets of Wiggins and Bennett, but maybe they really love Mirotic. Still, this is very doubtful, and I'm okay with that.

Signing Carmelo Anthony did not happen and looking back had very little chance of happening. The Bulls simply didn't clear enough cap space to make a competitive offer. I think Carmelo would have happily gone to the Bulls had they been able to keep the roster in place and make the same offer the Knicks made. I think it was a strong possibility that they could have gotten them had they made the same offer the Lakers made as well, but it was not meant to be. We blame athletes like Carmelo for taking the money, but basketball is only going to last the next few years, and even on a good team, it's really hard to win a championship. I can't really blame the guy for staying in New York and hoping that Phil Jackson can luck into some game changing talents through free agency and the draft.

Finally, the last one did not come to fruition. Once the Bulls signed anybody, it was pretty clear that Boozer would no longer be with the team. Unlike most Bulls fans, I do not have animosity towards Boozer, as he was a fine player for the Bulls. He did not live up to his contract; he was not as good as Taj Gibson, but he still played hard. Still, he wore out his welcome, and it was pretty clear that the Bulls could not bring him back. I wish him luck as part of the new Big 3 with Jeremy Lin and Swaggy P.

But let's get back to what the Bulls actually did, from least exciting to most exciting:

Kirk Hinrich is back. Kirk Hinrich will always be back.

Nikola Mirotic is finally coming over to the United States. In my fantasies, he's a better version of Dirk Nowitzki. In reality, he should be a good offensive weapon, but the defense will likely leave something to be desired. He will be an interesting piece, and he can definitely step in right away to stretch defenses and cause matchup problems, especially when he is playing against second units.

The most exciting move was Pau Gasol. I love Pau. You love Pau. We all love Pau. Health is a concern, but when he was healthy, he was pretty damn good still. He nearly averaged a double-double, so having that as a backup big is a pretty nice improvement over Nazr Mohammed. And, like Mirotic, he will playing a lot of minutes against backups, which means he can cause serious issues against bench units. The Bulls will actually have scoring options on the floor for all 48 minutes of the game. Pau turned down offers for more money, so overall, this is just great news for the Bulls.

Finally, the Summer League happened. Doug McDermott was the only rookie to make the All Summer League first team, and you could make the argument that last year's first round pick, Tony Snell, played even better. This solidifies the bench for the Bulls. The starters still project to be Noah, Gibson, Dunleavy, Butler, and Rose with Gasol, Mirotic, McDermott, Snell, and Hinrich coming off the bench. I would definitely like to see Thibodeau be more willing to mix and match the big guys, as Mirotic could use a guy like Noah to protect him on defense, while Gibson can do the heavy work on defense with Gasol in at Center.

So that wraps it up. The Bulls have convinced me, yet again, that they are going to be the dominant force in the East. If Derrick Rose stays healthy (his stats may not have been great during his comeback last year, but a lot of that was just figuring out his touch around the rim as the explosiveness was still there), they are the favorites to win the East, and I don't see why they can't compete with the top teams in the West.

It may not be the Jordan years, but it's still a good time to be a Bulls fan.

What Should The Bulls Do This Offseason?

The Bulls are one of the most fascinating teams going into this offseason. Derrick Rose's health is the biggest question, but all Bulls fans can do about that is hope, pray, and wait to see what happens. Almost as big of a story is whether the Bulls will make a big move to bolster their lineup. There are a lot of options out there, but what is the best option? Let's look at some likely scenarios.

1. Do Nothing

This is the one that scares Bulls fans, and although I don't love it, I'm also not totally against it. Everyone assumes that the Bulls will amnesty Boozer, but the Bulls are notoriously cheap, so throwing away $15 million doesn't seem like it would be at the top of their list of things to do. Still, if Nikola Mirotic finally comes over from Spain, there really isn't a place for the Bulls to play Boozer, as Gibson can play the traditional 4 and Mirotic can be used as a stretch 4. That would mean they have no money, but considering they have two first round picks, they could hopefully find a solid wing and a backup center. That's a team that will probably need some luck, but LeBron's supporting cast is getting older, so are the Spurs, and OKC has Scott Brooks, whose skill with Xs and Os starts and ends with Tic-tac-toe. Still, this plan would drive Bulls fans crazy, and yet wouldn't totally surprise me.

2. Trade for Kevin Love

This seems to be the option that gives Bulls fans wet dreams. Love is definitely the best player that the Bulls could add, but that's pretty easy to say since he is one of the 10 best players in the league. Obviously, he would be a great addition, but I'll admit that it would still be bittersweet. I, like many Bulls fans, love Taj Gibson more and more every year. The reason he is so valuable is that when other teams go small, they can keep Taj at the four, dominate the boards, and still have him hang with a wing on defense. That is a really valuable commodity. Also, I have been dreaming of Mirotic for years, and have already decided that he is a poor man's Dirk, which gives the Bulls all kinds of fun options. But it's still Kevin Love, so even if they traded Gibson, Mirotic, and two first round picks, they would still be putting themselves in a better position to win a championship in the next few years. Also, it would ensure that Boozer would be gone, which Bulls fans seem to need at this point.

3. Get Melo

After thinking about it, I have joined Joakim Noah as saying this is the move I want the most. Carmelo is not perfect, but he is very much needed for the Bulls and fills their biggest need. He can score from the wing, and that is what the Bulls need. He is a force with the ball in his hands, so not all the offense would have to fall on Derrick Rose in crunch time. They'd have to amnesty Boozer and probably get rid of Dunleavy to have enough money to bring over Mirotic, but these are all realistic possibilities. Also, I would expect Carmelo's defense to improve since he will finally be playing for a coach that cares about that side of the ball (I admit this is slightly unfair to Mike Woodson, but he's not on the level of Thibs). In the draft, the Bulls can add depth and be ready to bring the championship back to Chicago.

I am way too optimistic about the Bulls. Even in the first scenario, I could see them competing for a championship. With Love, their odds increase, but I still like Carmelo Anthony the most. A lineup of Noah-Gibson-Melo-Butler-Rose is probably the best starting five in the league. Thibodeau has shown he can turn just about any bench players into solid contributors, so I really don't see how the Bulls would not be the favorite for the title if they can stay healthy. My childhood was filled with six championships, so I will never be too mad at the Bulls. But as a Cubs, Bears, and Bulls fan, it has been 16 years without a professional title (really wish I liked hockey), so I feel like I am due, and the Bulls are my best shot at that. Bring on Melo, and me and Lala can make jokes about Carson Daly. Everybody wins, especially the city of Chicago.

The Bulls And Dwight Howard

I was reading Bill Simmons latest column on Grantland, and he brought up the possible trade of Dwight Howard to the Bulls. There is nothing close to happening, but most believe that it would involve Joakim Noah, Omer Asik, and Taj Gibson. Does that trade make sense? Absolutely. Rose, Rip, Deng, Booz, and Howard would give the Bulls the best starting five in the league. The bench would be weakened, but it would still be solid. It logically makes sense, but it still makes me feel gross. Here’s the thing, I don’t want to lose Joakim Noah; I love Joakim Noah. I don’t want to lose Taj or Omer either, because I love those guys too. And yet, I should be willing to drop them like a bad habit in order to get Dwight Howard? Do I love Dwight Howard? Hell no. He’s just some dude who’s really, really, really great at playing basketball. Yet here I am, ready to sell out three guys I love watching play for a better chance at a title.

So I’m taking a stand. The Bulls don’t need Dwight Howard, and in fact, if I have to give up those three guys, I don’t even want him. I’d rather see the Bulls win with the guys they have as opposed to winning it with Howard. Plus the thought of Scalabrine playing meaningful minutes in the playoffs is a little too hipster for my likings.

I love the Bulls just the way they are, but if they could get Tyrus Thomas back, I certainly wouldn't oppose it.

Why I Still Believe In The Bulls - Part One

This was going to be a single post, but it started to get long. Since I realize that my readers have a maximum attention span of about five minutes of words, I decided to split this into two parts. For the first part, I want to simply provide a list of the Bulls best performers and a lineup to utilize what has actually been working so far in this series. Here is a list of who have been the best performers from bottom to top:

13. Rasual Butler - I have no allegiance to him, but he has minutes so he needs to be listed.

12. Brian Scalabrine - A sharp dressed man who is excellent with the high-five.

11. Kurt Thomas - Veteran leadership slightly more valuable than Scalabrine's suit/cheering combo.

10. Kyle Korver - I hate to do this, but if he can't hit shots, all he does is turn the ball over and play defense like this:

9. C.J. Watson - Finally put some offense together last night, but he couldn't track Mike Miller, which ended up being a big reason the game went into overtime.

8. Omer Asik - He could have been higher, but the injury has kind of cost him. I love Asik and believe it will be a beautiful name for a baby girl.

7. Taj Gibson - You may think this is way too low, because of his defensive versatility and solid offense complimented by spectacular dunks in game one. But he talked shit to Chris Bosh in Game Three and Bosh proceeded to light the Bulls up. When you get owned by Bosh, you are going to drop in my rankings.

6. Joakim Noah - He played really well last night in Game 4, but the pick and roll with him and Rose has been the most awful offensive play in this series, and I'm certainly not going to blame the MVP for that.

5. Keith Bogans - Yep, the guy who every Bulls fan has ripped all season long should probably be getting more minutes in this series. He has done what the Bulls need him to do. He plays good, not great defense (but if he gets beat, he's quick to realize it and foul before somebody gets an easy bucket) and can hit a decent amount of three pointers when he gets the open look. I have been screaming MVBOGANS every time he does something good, and I think it's 100% accurate. He is the most valuable Bogans. I googled Bogans to see if anybody could compete with him, and found this definition for Bogan on Wikipedia:

The term bogan depicts people of retarded appearance. A bogan is somebody who will scratch his arse all day and then sniff his fingers and get a stiffy. bogans usually bewed fat lasses (Ugly bitches that like munga).

I don't know what half that shit means, but I'm pretty sure that Bogan has the most hilarious page in Wikipedia history. With that being said, I fucking dare somebody to tell Keith that he looks retarded and bangs fat lasses. He will murder you, and hang your body on a flag pole in his front yard. There is no scarier person on the Bulls.

4. Carlos Boozer - He has played very well the last couple games, but he needs to be putting up at least 20 points, because nothing is expected of him on defense. He's guarding Joel Anthony. If Korver didn't get terrified every time the guy he was guarding had the ball, I'd believe in Korver shutting down Anthony all game long.

3. Ronnie Brewer - He's been the Bulls best defender this series. That's slightly unfair to our number two guy on the list, since he only plays half the minutes, but there is nobody I have more confidence in to shut down an opposing player in this series. And he hit a three last night. That was awesome.

2. Luol Deng - Has been tough on LeBron all series long and has provided solid offense for the Bulls. Bulls fans really can't expect much more than this from him.

1. Derrick Rose - He has been poor by Derrick Rose standards, but the Heat are completely focused on stopping him. Even if he hasn't been all that good, he's still the MVP.

A writer on ESPN (I believe it was John Hollinger, but I'm not positive) suggested that the Bulls should experiment with a small lineup against the Heat. He suggested playing Korver at the two, but I think Bogans makes more sense. The Bulls can match up Rose on whatever piece of shit player the Heat have out there, Bogans on Wade, Brewer on LeBron, Deng on Bosh (who rarely posts up), and Boozer on Anthony/Haslem. The defense would be good, and they could spread the floor more so Rose has more outlet options if the Heat collapse on him when he drives.

This is the lineup that can cool off the Heat. MVBogans 4 Life.

-Joe

P.S. This is probably the greatest jet ski race in the history of the combustible engine. After watching this, I really feel like Hollywood missed the boat by not giving Macho Man more acting roles.

Bulls vs. Heat: Who's Gonna Win?

The Eastern Conference Finals are set as it will be the top two seeds when the Chicago Bulls take on the Miami Heat. I have made no attempts to hide my love for the Bulls, but today's post will not be a Bulls lovefest, but instead, a look at both teams to figure out who will actually win this series.

I realize the Bulls have struggled with the Pacers and Hawks. Did they play like shit against the Pacers? Yes, for the first four games of that series they did. But the Pacers also played some of their best basketball during that series. Meanwhile, nobody wants to give the Hawks any respect, but they're REALLY talented. Horford, Smith, Johnson, Crawford, and even Jeff Teague is a lineup that can be terrifying. This team is the posterchild for middling team that has the potential to beat anybody on any given night. They dominated the Magic more often than not and took two from the Bulls. To say this team isn't extremely talented is ludicrous.

Now let's look at what the Heat have done. Can anybody explain to me when the Heat have looked good in these playoffs? Everybody is talking about how impressive they have looked, but what has been so impressive about these guys? Their supposed impressive play has led to them playing one fewer game than the Bulls who have apparently played like shit. And to call their competition definitively better is kind of ridiculous.

First off, the 76ers suck. They do a good job of playing as a team, but they just don't have that much talent. I don't think anybody is arguing about this.

Next, the Celtics haven't looked good for a while. It's not the Kendrick Perkins trade, it's the fact that they're worn down. They did fine without him early in the season, but this team just didn't have it by the end of the year. People will point to the fact that they swept the Knicks. Well, first off, the Knicks suck, and the Celtics were still taken down to the wire at home against them. Then Amare got hurt and they were able to stomp Melo and scrubs. This is not an impressive feat.

During the final week of the season, the Celtics got blown out by the Bulls and the Heat. I have never seen someone raped on a basketball court before Derrick Rose did it to Rajon Rondo in that game. Rondo would never go to the police about it; he was far too ashamed. He was so petrified of Rose that he dislocated his elbow to prevent Rose from doing it again.

If Rondo is healthy, they probably win Game 4, and then we are very likely looing at a seven-game series. The Heat took care of business, but they have had a fortuitous schedule so far.

This series is going to be close. If you say the Bulls are going to blow away the Heat, or the Heat are going to blow away the Bulls, you're a moron. Even if one of these teams ends up sweeping the other team, you'd still be a moron. Claiming that one team has a superior advantage over the other is asinine, because that great advantage simply doesn't exist.

Do the Heat have more talent than the Bulls? Yes, without a doubt, the Heat have more talent. Just having LeBron makes that a near certainty when matching up talent against anybody. LeBron has more talent than Jordan in his prime. Now don't get me wrong, Jordan was light years better than LeBron will probably ever be, but there's no shame for LeBron in not being the best.

And that's what this comes down to, the Heat are more talented, but can the Bulls be better? They're a better coached team, and it's really a bad matchup for the Heat. Deng is criminally underrated on defense, so LeBron is going to have to work for every basket he gets. Bogans and Brewer can harass Wade all game long. When they want to swtich to Korver, Rose can keep up with Wade for short stretches, while Korver guards whatever shit they are putting out there at point guard. Noah will be in Bosh's face all game long. And Boozer started turning a corner during Game 4 of the Hawks series so he should decimate whatever piece of shit they put out there. Oh yeah, and who's gonna guard Rose?

On the other hand, LeBron and Wade can produce no matter who is defending them. Chris Bosh could be harassed by the Bulls big men for every second that he is out there and still put up a double-double for the Heat. One or more of their outside shooters could get hot and nail their open looks. If that happens, the Heat are practically unbeatable.

So who's gonna win? I have no clue, and anybody who says they do is a jackass. I do know one thing though. Cheering for the Heat during these playoffs is like cheering for the Nazis during the Holocaust. Maybe you'll be on the winning side, but I hope to God you don't feel good about it.

Go Bulls.

-Joe

P.S. My birthday is just a few months away, so if anybody is looking for gift ideas, this yacht would be a nice start.

Derrick Rose Is Definitely The Most Exciting Player In The NBA

About six weeks ago, I wrote an article explaining why Derrick Rose was a more exciting player than Blake Griffin. I am happy to say that Derrick Rose left no doubt in anyone's mind after what he did to the Boston Celtics last night to just about lock up the number one seed for the Bulls.

There isn't a whole lot I need to say about the matter, so let's just show a couple of his "Holy Shit" moments from last night's game.

Yep, just a casual crossover move that makes Rondo look like an idiot, and then going up between two big men and putting in a scoop layup. Just ho-hum stuff from the MVP (I don't care about your silly statistics) of the league.  Just look how happy it made Tom Thibodeau.

And then he did this.

Yep, he really did that. This was Joakim Noah's reaction to the play.

And on top of all of this, he decimated Rajon Rondo. Anybody can look at the stat sheet and see that, but to actually watch the game brings it to another level of domination. Rajon Rondo was not bested in basketball last night by a better player, he was annihilated as a person by a superior human being. The look on his face made it look as if his sister, mother, and grandma had just propositioned Derrick Rose for a foursome (Rose would obviously turn them down since they look like aliens). The massacre that Rose did to Rondo made Mortal Kombat look like The Teletubbies.

With all of this, it's scary to think that the Bulls really didn't play up to their full potential. Rose, the shooting guard trifecta, and Deng played great games, but Boozer was awful in the first half before bouncing back in the second half, and Noah was a non-factor for the most part (to be fair, it's clear that his ankle could use a little more time to rest).

So yeah, for Bulls fans, these playoffs are going to be fun.

-Joe

P.S. Don't ask me how I found this, and don't ask me what I think. I honestly can't tell if this show is genius or absolute garbage. Hence, it gets posted on the blog.

It's Always Sunny in the United Center - Part One

The Chicago Bulls have been an awesome team to watch this year.  Even for non-Bulls fans, they may be the most fun team to watch in the entire NBA.  Between Derrick Rose making a few jaw-dropping plays every game, Joakim Noah hustling all over the floor, and Boozer crashing the boards for putbacks, there is a very high entertainment value involved with the Bulls.  Because of this high entertainment value, they will be honored in the greatest way possible, with a multi-part series on this blog.  Since any jerkoff can tell you that the Bulls are awesome, I will blend sports and pop culture when I compare the Chicago Bulls to the characters of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.  Today, I present part one.

Derrick Rose – Dennis Reynolds – I’ll admit that this was the toughest one to assign, because Rose is so much more awesome than anybody else out there that it’s tough to find the right counterpart on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.  Still, I focused on the leap that Derrick Rose has made this season.  Dennis began his leap late in the season last year with the D.E.N.N.I.S. System, followed by “implications” made in the boat episode, and had a catch with Chase Utley while advising us to just say yes.  Dennis has made the leap, and so has Derrick Rose as he has gone from “wow, that guy knows how to play basketball” awesome, to “you don’t change the channel when the Bulls are playing” awesome.    Seriously, if you haven’t watched much NBA this season, watch the Bulls as he is guaranteed to make at least two jaw-dropping plays during any game.

 

Joakim Noah – Charlie Kelly – This is a matter of anybody who watches them a lot loves every second that they appear on their television screen.  Much the way that outsiders think It’s Always Sunny is stupid if they only tune in for five minutes, fans of other NBA teams hate Noah.  Both of these types of people are morons.  Sure, both of these guys are out of their god-damned minds, but they do it in such a loveable way.  Plus, these are two guys that are willing to do the dirty work as Noah gets boards and plays tough defense while Charlie smashes rats and looks for treasure in the sewer.

Taj Gibson – Frank Reynolds – When everyone’s healthy, Taj is not a starter, just like Frank did not start off in the show until Season Two.  Although, he’s not one of the main four people, Frank’s impact is immeasurable, and I feel the same way about Taj.  Let’s face it, shooting guard is not a strength for this team, so Taj is definitely our fifth most valuable player.  Although, neither of these two have classic good looks, I smile when I see Taj smile, and I smile when I see Frank crawling out of a leather couch naked.   

And just like Frank helps Charlie with dirty work, Taj does the same thing for Noah.

Carlos Boozer – Mac – These two are both necessities for the success of their team.  They’re both versatile as Boozer can score from inside, but can also nail a jumper, while Mac can be funny with his physical humor and his wit.  Because of Rose’s presence, Boozer never gets top billing, but he’s also crucial nearly every night like Mac is crucial in every episode.  Rarely will you say that Mac totally owned an episode on his own, but it is rare when you won’t say that Mac and Charlie or Mac and Dennis, etc. were awesome in the episode.  If you team him with the right people, he is somebody who can dominate, but he will always have an impact, much like Mac does something important in every episode. 

Luol Deng – The Lawyer – These are two guys where you thought you would hate them, but the more you see them, the more you enjoy their presence.  The Lawyer has great versatility as he knows when to keep his cool, when to explode with anger, and also when to accept a challenge to a duel.  The same is true for Deng, as he has a decent jumper, plays good defense, and is always a solid contributor.  All the lawyer does is screw over the gang, but you still love him.  And let’s face it, everyone has wanted Deng in about 35 different trades over the last three years.  When you actually watch him though, he may not jump off the screen, but he’s essential to the greater good of the team like the lawyer is essential for the greater good of society.

That's all for part one; I'll be back tomorrow with more Bulls talk.

-Joe

P.S.  I know this has been all over the Internet, but I still don't understand how a beer can fill up from the bottom.

MTV and the 2010-11 Chicago Bulls

The Chicago Bulls season tips off tomorrow, and I figured I would give you a completely biased (and possibly horribly uninformed) look at this year's team. Since some people think I go overboard on pop culture and others hate it when I talk about sports, I have decided to tie in every Chicago Bulls player with someone on MTV so everybody can be happy (or everyone will hate it).

Omer Asik - How do you spell baller in Turkish? I bet every Turkish sportswriter knows from covering the crowned jewel of Turkey. Asik is probably the biggest celebrity coming out Turkey since Tarkan, you know the singer who some consider the "Prince of Pop." Wait, you didn't know? Geez people, get some culture and watch MTV Turkey every now and then. Back to Asik, he's going to be a beast off the bench, crashing boards, blocking shots, and probably banging multiple members of the Luvabulls. Expect him to be a candidate for the sixth man award.

Keith Bogans - Last I heard he was are starting shooting guard for opening night. Expect him to be like Puck on defense, because he is going to be causing all sorts of problems for opposing offenses. Being from Kentucky, this guy knows a thing or two about horses. If you're looking to pick a dark horse for an All-Star selection, look no further than this former Wildcat.

Carlos Boozer - His last name is Boozer. His brother went to Iowa State. Hey, we all have relatives we aren't proud of, can't hold that against him. Expect this guy to take full advantage of the night life in Chicago until he goes on a double date with Slutty & J-Cutty and meets the woman of his dreams, Lo from The Hills. Expect him to make the All-Star team.

Ronnie Brewer - Could there be a better team of players than Boozer and Brewer? Gar Forman, you magnificent bastard; this is a match made in Heaven. Brewer never gets tired as he survives strictly off Ron-Ron Juice, and you should see this fool at the club. There's something about Ronnies that dominate the club life.
Expect this guy to be the NBA's best wingman.

Luol Deng - This guy is the Ronnie-Sammi relationship. Everyone wants to get rid of it, but it's still there, hanging around, with occasional entertainment. Expect Deng's season to be the more exciting moments of Ron-Ron triple kissing two grenades instead of the times where Sammi got angry at nothing. Expect an All-Star selection for this handsome Devil (Get it? Because he went to Duke, so he was a Blue Devil. Yeah? Yeah.)

Taj Gibson - Weird name? Gritty? Scary to run into at night? Probably banged The Miz? Check, check, check, and well, hopefully not a check, but yes, Taj Gibson is the Coral of the Chicago Bulls. Expect him to lead the NBA in flagrant fouls, because he doesn't wrestle, he beats bitches up.

James Johnson - Yeah, poor James Johnson is definitely Brandon from this year's challenge. He's really trying his best to stay on the team, but the Bulls are looking for any reason to get rid of him. He was the Bulls first round pick, but they still nearly declined his option for this year. If the NBA institutes a gulag, wait for mad hysteria when James Johnson takes out Brian Cardinal. Otherwise, expect him to be the Mateen Cleaves of the Chicago Bulls.

Kyle Korver - Korver is unfortunately Dunbar. He appears to have all the tools to be great, but they both have fatal flaws that relegate them to role players. Korver can't play defense, and Dunbar is so uncoordinated that he would have a heart attack if he tried chewing gum while tying his shoes. Still, expect Korver to win the NBA 3-Point Shootout.

Joakim Noah - This is the easiest comparison as Noah is so clearly the Snooki of the Chicago Bulls. People who don't watch the show immediately hate Snooki and don't understand her appeal. She's not attractive, she's not smart, she really doesn't have much personality. There's no reason to like Snooki, yet she has captured the hearts of America. The same is true of Noah. Fans of other teams hate Noah and thinks he sucks. But they don't get it. He's not a great scorer, he's not terribly athletic, and he's certainly not attractive, but he is so much better than the sum of his parts. He hustles his ass off, and he has captured the hearts of Chicago Bulls fans. Expect him to be named Defensive Player of the Year.

Derrick Rose - The essential piece of the Chicago Bulls can be summed up in the NBA and MTV terms by three simple letters: M...V...P. Mike, Vinny, and Pauly provided all the entertainment for Season 2 of Jersey Shore, and expect Derrick Rose to do the same for the Chicago Bulls. The parallels are eerie as they were great in season one, but they showed a new swagger in season two. Expect Rose to have that same swagger as he cruises to NBA MVP.

Brian Scalabrine - Fucking worthless like Angelina. Expect him to be released by December.

Kurt Thomas - Thomas is like Derrick from all the challenges. He's gritty as all hell, but he never had the team around him to ever actually pull off the victory. Finally, Derrick won a challenge; expect the same fate for Kurt Thomas this year. Expect him to be NBA's Man of the Year.

C.J. Watson - Since he is backing up MVP, I think the most logical character is Jose from Jersey Shore. Watson also has an affinity for impressing his ladies with the finest of watches that Fossil has to offer, at $59.95, he knows how to treat a lady. Still, if we never see him, that'll mean that our MVP is tearing things up, and that's a good thing. Expect him to team up with Sylvia Fowles of the WNBA's Chicago Sky to win the Two-on-two competition during NBA's All-Star Weekend.

This is either the dumbest or most brilliant article I have ever written.

-Joe

P.S. Jose Canseco just had puppies. Could there be any event more geared towards me in the history of the universe? I doubt it. Take a deep breath before looking at the picture, because it may be an overload of cuteness: