2019 WWE Brawl For All: Eric Bischoff vs. Chad Gable

For the first semifinals match, things got super weird, and I'm not even sure who won anymore. It was quite the rollercoaster. I would like to tell you that we keep it normal in this one, but that only lasts for a while before it somehow gets even weirder.

Joe’s #1 Eric Bischoff vs. Joe’s #3 Chad Gable
Joe: Bischoff’s extensive karate experience has helped him get this far, but now he’s got to face the wrestling of Chad Gable. According to Bischoff, he got in a ton of fights in school. Jonah, I know you love fighters, so does that make Bischoff the favorite here?

Jonah: Well I know Sin Cara has at least won some fights against large adults, I’m assuming Bischoff got beat up by kids, so the fighting level is a little different here. Gable’s going to put him on his back the entire match. Bischoff doesn’t even have a puncher’s chance because there’s no way he has knockout power. His only chance to save face is to catch Gable with an illegal kick and lose by DQ but still feel good about himself.

Joe: Apparently, you’ve never listened to Eric Bischoff’s theme song, because HE’S BACK and better than ever.

Does Chad Gable have a wrestling background? Oh, that’s cute, because so does Easy E, as he was on a traveling wrestling team in high school in Minnesota. With Akam, we know he wasn’t good enough to make the Olympics, because he tried and failed. With Bischoff, it’s impossible to know, because he never found time for it. Are we even sure that Gable is a better wrestler than Bischoff?

Jonah: I suppose not, but if Bischoff was great at wrestling he probably would have been doing that instead of delivering meat. Come to think of it, he probably would have been fighting in karate tournaments if he was good at that instead of delivering meat. Even JCVD and Joe Rogan won some actual tournaments.

Joe: Who said that Bischoff never won a karate tournament? I certainly wouldn’t say that, as I wouldn’t want those fists of fury coming flying at me. I’m sure he probably won some tournaments considering that he was a karate star on ESPN in his younger days. You can be the best at something and still quit. Do you not remember Shawn Michaels losing his smile?

Jonah: Please enlighten me on his time as a karate star on ESPN. Also Shawn Michaels lost his smile because he got jumped by 12 marines, or started a fight with one normal person. If you want to book Shawn Michaels in this tournament I will absolutely give Bischoff the win over him.

Joe: I know Bischoff has mentioned it on a podcast, but I couldn’t find anything substantial on that. There is also the well-documented time he nearly murdered two fans but showed them mercy. Still, I found something way more important from Bodyslam.net:

“That’s one of the reasons I love martial arts so much. Going to those karate tournaments were a blast. It was all about the roll tide. I had, I mean that period of my life was (clears throat) it was very influential, let’s put it that way.”

“People think only rock stars have groupies or movie stars but when you’re a pretty successful martial artist and you travel around to all these little martial arts tournaments and sometimes they’re in big cities and sometimes they’re in small ones, but it was amazing dude. I just — and that was the very first time in my life I’d ever experienced that. I wasn’t much of a ladies man in high school or even afterwards, it was you know, I’d get lucky every once and a while, that type of thing but, man all of a sudden. When you’re a black belt and you’re traveling all around the country and you’re fighting in these tournaments, they just come out of the woodwork.”

“I don’t know if it’s because they have daddy issues and wanted somebody that was a badass you know to hang with or what the deal was but it was freaky fun.”

Let the world know, Bischoff was so good at karate that it got him laid in a “freaky fun” way. So is Bischoff winning by knockout or decision?

Jonah: I’ve already established that there’s no way that Bischoff can knock anyone out. So clearly his best option is to win by points. I guess good for Bischoff for getting laid by hanging out at karate tournaments, I hope like the Rock, he kept Pop Tarts and condoms in his fanny pack.

Joe: I say that Bischoff has a different kind of freaky fun as he peppers Gable’s faces with punches. Sprawl and brawl all the way in this one.

Jonah: If Bischoff can somehow keep from going to the ground I suppose he could win.

Joe: Bischoff gonna have some freaky fun after this win.

Jonah: Freaky fun= condoms and Pop Tarts according to The Rock. And again, just to put myself over, Bischoff could probably beat me in Brawl For It All, but I would bet everything I had on myself over him in a street fight.

Joe: Alright, I’ll bite. Please give me your fighting credentials, any martial arts training, past fight record, and any other relevant details that you’d like to provide? I’ve gotten my ass handed to me by women and children before (he was a 17-year-old wrestler, so it’s not THAT embarrassing), so I think you’re going to have better toughness credentials than me.

Jonah: I am nuts Joe, get with the program. I also trained grappling for four years with my buddy who was a two time all state wrestler from Chicago and MMA at the gym that I used to rent vans to.

Joe: Put this man in Brawl For All immediately.

1st Round
Akam vs. Curtis Axel
Jason Jordan vs. Shelton Benjamin
Heath Slater vs. No Way Jose
Rezar vs. Luke Harper

Eric Bischoff vs. Oney Lorcan

Bo Dallas vs. Mojo Rawley

Chad Gable vs. Titus O'Neil

Sin Cara vs. Apollo Crews

Quarterfinals

Akam vs. Shelton Benjamin

Rezar vs. Heath Slater

Eric Bischoff vs. Mojo Rawley

Chad Gable vs. Sin Cara

Semifinals

Akam vs. Rezar

2019 WWE Brawl For All: Akam vs. Rezar

I would say that Akam vs. Rezar is the premium matchup of this entire tournament. A man with international wrestling experience taking on a former MMA fighter, these two have some pretty impressive credentials. With that being said, this one goes so far off the rails that the train turned a hot air balloon.

Jonah’s #1 Akam vs. Joe’s #2 Rezar
Jonah: Rezar is an MMA fighter, Akam is a wrestler, in an MMA fight Rezar could win, but the specific rules of Brawl For It All Akam spams takedowns and wins on points. There’s no BJJ or anything in Brawl For It All, so there’s no danger for Akam when he takes him to the ground.

Joe: Jonah, you know I love wrestlers. Unfortunately, I think you’re overestimating Akam’s wrestling prowess. All I can find out is that he lost in a qualification tournament for the Olympics; I’m not even sure if it was the finals, and it was against a guy from the United States who was well past his prime.

On top of that, Akam is a Greco-Roman Wrestler, not a Freestyle guy. Greco is upper body locks and turning downed opponents. The latter is completely useless, and the former is really freaking hard considering Greco guys depend on locking their hands to gain leverage on opponents and he’s going to be wearing boxing gloves during this.

Now I’m sure that Akam has some leg takedowns, but that’s clearly not his strongsuit, and Rezar should have enough wrestling experience through MMA that he will be able to stay on his feet. Also, it’s way easier to avoid takedowns in rings than it is in cages with the help of the ropes. Rezar gonna light his partner up.

Jonah: I disagree, I’m sure Rezar has some MMA wrestling skills, but that’s nothing compared to having a really strong wrestling background. That’s why wrestlers take down MMA guys all the time. Takedowns aren’t that hard in a ring, and I don’t think you can grab the ropes in Brawl For It All, I mean Pride fights still went to the ground all the time.

Joe: It’s pretty easy to “accidentally” hook one arm around the rope while you pound a guy in the head that’s going for a takedown, and you didn’t even address the biggest issue.

Akam is no doubt a better wrestler, but wearing boxing gloves and trying to take down somebody with any wrestling experience is pretty difficult. And considering he’s a Greco guy who are totally dependent on gripping somebody for upper body throws, that would have zero chance of happening with boxing gloves on.

On top of that, you’re overestimating his wrestling skills. He’s a Canadian wrestler. Canadians are not good at wrestling. If he would have wrestled folkstyle at US College, there’s a good chance that he never would have been an All-American.

But please, let’s first address how in the hell he’s getting a takedown with boxing gloves on.

Jonah: I guess I have a question about everyone of your fighters you said would win due to takedowns, are those all invalid now? Because if we’re assuming they can score takedowns with boxing gloves then Akam can too. Also, Steve Blackman scored approximately 700 takedowns with boxing gloves on in his original Brawl For It All fight.

Joe: Those previous matchups didn’t involve going up against people with wrestling experience. With Rezar’s MMA background, he has trained a ton of defensive wrestling and also will be throwing uppercuts galore if Akam tries to shoot in. In previous matchups, it was a wrestler taking on a total non-wrestler. My wrestling background is junior high wrestling for a couple years and some MMA wrestling and when I went against somebody with little to no wrestling experience, I felt like Brock Lesnar as I could take them down at will.

So any way that Akam is getting those takedowns?

Jonah: Though you discount Canada as a whole, Olympic level wrestling is a whole different animal. Kurt Angle took down Brock Lesnar, and while it wasn’t some one sided affair, Angle is a better wrestler than Lesnar even with Lesnar’s crazy size advantage and the fact that Lesnar was an NCAA champion. If two good wrestlers go up against each other someone is better, and in this case it’s the Olympic wrestler going up against the guy who’s an MMA fighter.

Joe: Jonah, although I think it is hilarious that you are trying to explain wrestling to me, I’m going to have to shut you down since this is truly an impressive feat to fit that much misinformation in one tiny paragraph.

I must have missed the part where Akam made the Olympics.
Olympians and Gold Medalists are FAR DIFFERENT animals.
I want to reiterate that Akam never made that much lower bar, because Canada sucks at wrestling.
Also, Greco guys are just wrestlers who couldn’t make it in Freestyle, making Akam look even worse.
This is not a wrestling match.
I need to ask this question: Have you ever seen a wrestling match? I don’t want to go too deep, but just the stance of wrestlers wouldn’t work when punches are being thrown so it really changes the game.
Kurt Angle took down Brock Lesnar when they were wrestling against each other. If someone is not trying to score their own takedowns, it’s a whole lot easier to shut down your opponent’s offense.
Did you forget that Akam is wearing boxing gloves?

Are you ready to concede victory yet?

Jonah: Nope, Akam is a stud. Blackman succeeded in takedowns when ex Golden Gloves boxer Marc Mero was throwing punches with boxing gloves on, takedowns aren’t this crazy thing that can never happen. It’s not a wrestling match, but takedowns count for a lot of points, takedowns win Brawl For It All fights. GSP is from Canada and is the world’s greatest wrestler making celebrated college wrestlers look like chumps. Rezar is also Dutch, have I missed the great influx of Dutch wrestlers in the world? I’m pretty sure Lesnar was trying to take down Angle as well, and if Olympic wrestling actually paid, Lesnar could have at the very least qualified for the Olympics. Besides we need one of each of our guys in the finals.

Joe: Jonah, I’m not sure what point you are trying to make, but I need to address that you are out of your mind thinking that Lesnar could have made the Olympics. Lesnar won the NCAA Title during an extremely weak time for college heavyweights. He would have been slaughtered at the Olympic trials.

And the reason Blackman could get takedowns is he was shooting on someone who had zero wrestling experience which is why wrestlers have made it this far. And I’m not saying Rezar is a great wrestler; he’d probably never get a takedown on Akam, but getting takedowns and stopping takedowns is a far different beast.

There is no logical way to explain how Akam could beat Rezar, but if you need someone in the finals, I guess Rezar passes out from laughing so hard when Akam tries to throw him with boxing gloves on and Akam wins by TKO?

Jonah: OK how about this, almost all of Rezar’s MMA wins are by submission and his losses are by TKO, he takes punches in bunches and only knows how to submit dudes. Akam just drops him and knocks him out. In all honesty it doesn’t matter who wins, I guess Rezar can probably stuff Akam’s takedowns, so it’s two big hosses throwing hands. It’s what people actually want to see out of Brawl For It All. If you feel very strongly about Rezar winning he can win.

Joe: I just watched two of his fights, and the one he lost by TKO was all built on ground and pound. The won he got a guillotine choke was set up because he absolutely destroyed his opponent on his feet. If it comes down to a brawl, I would probably favor the guy who knows how to box as opposed to the guy who doesn’t know how to box. I think Rezar would make this far more boring than you would like as there’s really no reason to throw anything but a jab and the occasional uppercut in this fight. Still, as far as I know, tickling is not explicitly banned in Brawl for All, and as Rezar’s tag partner, Akam probably knows all of most effective use of a tickle touch to win by TKO (Tickling Kaput Opponent).

Jonah: Research is research, I already told you that you can choose who wins, but as I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again, you would have chose Dr. Death to win the entire Brawl For It All against Steve Blackman in the finals, Blackman got hurt in the first round and Dr. Death, lost in the NCAA finals to an Olympian.four time All American wrestler and all around tough guy, got knocked out by super random guy Bart Gunn. And if we’re really going to be dicks about it, you’re recent and past MMA fight picks haven’t worked out well for you. What “should” happen doesn’t always happen in fights. I’m short, fat and physically damaged, and I guarantee I would beat at least a quarter of the people you train with in a fight based purely on insanity and coming into fights injured and being very comfortable in that state. Just to put myself over, being crazy and in constant pain makes me far more dangerous than a lot people who have real training.

Joe: Haha, Jonah, you don’t have to worry about offending me because I picked a fight wrong. I mean, Ben Askren was controlling that fight early on, but then he got hit with that knee three seconds into the fight, and it went downhill from there. If that fight goes six seconds, Askren wins easily.

You really threw me for a loop on this one as I feel like things got a tad off the rails. I’m not sure to pick Akam, Rezar, or Jonah, but let’s just have Akam advance.

1st Round
Akam vs. Curtis Axel
Jason Jordan vs. Shelton Benjamin
Heath Slater vs. No Way Jose
Rezar vs. Luke Harper

Eric Bischoff vs. Oney Lorcan

Bo Dallas vs. Mojo Rawley

Chad Gable vs. Titus O'Neil

Sin Cara vs. Apollo Crews

Quarterfinals

Akam vs. Shelton Benjamin

Rezar vs. Heath Slater

Eric Bischoff vs. Mojo Rawley

Chad Gable vs. Sin Cara

2019 WWE Brawl for All: Chad Gable vs. Titus O'Neil

Today, we move on to another fascinating matchup where a former football player comes in with a size advantage, but as Marcus Stroman has taught us, Height Don't Measure Heart, especially when the smaller man has an Olympic Wrestling background.

Joe’s #3 Chad Gable vs. Jonah’s #6 Titus O’Neil

Joe: This is going to be a takedown clinic, and although Titus O’Neil in his physical prime may have had enough athleticism to make this interesting, at this point, Gable is going to maul his way to the inside and continually score points by putting him to his back.

Jonah: Titus is constantly referred to as one of the strongest people in the WWE. He’s a huge guy and played high level college football so his athleticism is no joke. Unfortunately, Joe is right, and Gable is a takedown machine. I doubt Titus would be able to stop them effectively, so he’s got a puncher’s chance and that’s pretty much it. If he does connect though, it’s going to hurt like hell.

Joe: Yeah, I don’t equate strength with powerful punches. I’m probably as strong as Gennady Golovkin, but that dude could knock somebody’s head off, and it would take a small miracle for me to knock someone out with one punch. I think even the threat of the one punch knockout is overestimated here, and yeah, this is just a really bad matchup for Titus, so unless you have anything to add, we can make this quick and move Chad Gable to the quarterfinals.

Jonah: I will agree that Gable should win due to takedowns, but Titus is huge and athletic, I wouldn’t want to get punched by him.

Joe: I mean, I wouldn’t want to get punched by anybody. I have a five-month-old, and if he gets his knuckles across my face right, it is not a pleasant experience. I will assume that Titus punches about that hard, which will not be enough to stop the takedown machine, Chad Gable.

Jonah: Gable wins on takedowns, but you probably shouldn’t pick a fight with Titus O Neil anytime soon.

1st Round
Akam vs. Curtis Axel
Jason Jordan vs. Shelton Benjamin
Heath Slater vs. No Way Jose
Rezar vs. Luke Harper

Eric Bischoff vs. Oney Lorcan

Bo Dallas vs. Mojo Rawley