The WWE Is Ruining... Jinder Mahal

As a pro wrestling fan, it is a part of our identity to always know how to utilize wrestlers better than the WWE. If WWE would just give me, random WWE fan, a job a the company, ratings would immediately rise to the levels of the Monday Night Wars, despite how television ratings have changed as a whole over the last 20 years. But until that happens, WWE will continue ruining our favorite wrestlers, and that is why it is time to point out the error in their ways. Because of WWE's incompetence, I am literally going to pick a wrestler at random and point out how they could be better utilized, because WWE is ruining everyone in one way or another.

Today may be my toughest test yet as I study the Modern-Day Maharaja, Jinder Mahal.

Mahal actually has a fascinating story with the WWE. He was a midcard bad guy when he debuted, but then turned into a jobber comedy act with 3MB, and then he got fired, likely to never be seen again. Although some WWE wrestlers thrive in the independent environment, raise their stock, and have the WWE come crawling back (see Drew Galloway), Mahal really didn't do that. Instead he took some bookings in Canada, Puerto Rico, and India against some pretty nondescript talent.

Instead, he got his job back by appealing to Vince McMahon and got as jacked as humanly possible. Was he enhanced by supplements? There is visual evidence to suggest that he was, but in the Wellness Policy, we trust, and maybe he's just got incredible genetics.

Still, even though he came back comically jacked, it did not lead to victories. After winning his big comeback match against Heath Slater. He went 2-34 the rest of 2016.

Did he catch fire to start off 2017? You bet your ass he did, through May 11th, he went an incredible 9-47 as the man was on an incredible hot streak. This of course led to him beating AJ Styles on Smackdown before taking out Randy Orton to become the WWE Champion.

Surely, he would start winning at this point. In his next 25 matches, he was an incredible 6-19. The most hilarious part of this was that he was somehow STILL the WWE Champion.

He managed to hold onto his belt until November 7th before finally relinquishing the title to AJ Styles and going back to his old ways with a streak of 2-19.

Inexplicably, he won the US Title in 2018 before losing it a week later. As of this writing, his last two wins were against Braun Strowman, because the WWE doesn't care so why should I?

Clearly, Jinder is a victim of the Peter Principle. He was promoted beyond his abilities as a WWE Champion and the results were disastrous. He was still promoted beyond his abilities as US Champion, but at least it only took a week to end that experiment. So how should the WWE best utilize Jinder Mahal?

Here's the thing with Mahal: He has a great look. I know hardcore wrestling fans have steered towards the importance of that, but it does still matter. If somebody looks like they can kick ass, it's a lot easier to believe them kicking ass. The problem is that Mahal isn't all that good at wrestling. Like, he's very good, but in the WWE, which is the best of the best, he's one of the worst. So it's not like the guy is worthless, it's just he's worth less than the position the WWE has put him in.

So let's use him to help enhance other talent on the roster. I don't think a win over Mahal should lead someone to a World Title shot, really, not even a US Title Shot, and you could give him a partner, but them losing wouldn't propel a team to a tag title shot. So instead of boosting guys to title shots, he boosts guys to a new level in a different way. I want Jinder Mahal to take his skills to 205 Live and start challenging the Cruiserweight division.

Now I don't expect him to drop down to 205, although that would be hilarious. Instead, I see him acting as a bridge to get 205 Live talent on the main roster. Half of that roster is bigger than Finn Balor and Daniel Bryan, so it's not like they don't have the size to succeed on Raw or Smackdown; it more seems like the WWE hasn't figured out a way to make that transition.

Wouldn't it be awesome if Jinder Mahal comes to 205 Live, maybe to avenge a beating that was delivered to one of the Singh brothers. He could come out as the Big Bad Wolf, but get his shit blown up by Cedric Alexander, Mustafa Ali, or Hideo Itami, and instantly, you have a reason to bring those guys to the main show and start competing as a heavyweight. I mean, you could start him off by having him smash guys like Jack Gallagher. He could have a match scheduled with Tony Nese, but they decide not to fight and just want to flex in front of mirrors together. The possibilities are limitless and incredibly exciting.

So yeah, Jinder Mahal should probably be a jobber, but make him a 205 Live jobber and really make it count.

Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Alicia Fox
Andrade "Cien" Almas
Bobby Lashley
Charlotte Flair
Dana Brooke
Dash Wilder
Ember Moon
Kane
Karl Anderson
Kofi Kingston
Luke Gallows
Mickie James
Mojo Rawley
Nia Jax
Peyton Royce
Randy Orton
Scott Dawson
Tyler Breeze

I Got My Ass Handed To Me By A Girl

As I mentioned a while ago, I have started grappling again. Call it jiu-jitsu, call it submission wrestling, call it whatever you want, but it's fighting without strikes (because I need to protect my pretty face). Not to brag or anything, but after a few weeks, I'm pretty well-respected for my skills in class. I'm not great, but I can beat a good portion of people and can push anybody.

So as practice starts, our coach will always pair people together. Since I'm getting pretty good, they will either pair me with somebody else who is pretty good, or they will pair me with somebody new to help teach them the moves that we are working on. My coach called out my name, and then he called out a girl's name. Since there was only one girl in the class, and she was very new, I'm like, "Cool, this should be an easy class where I can relax a little bit." What happened next was something out of a movie, as behind this girl stepped another girl who was about 5'5" and built like a brick shithouse. I'm not a big guy by any means, but I've got some decent-sized pipes for a skinny guy, and this girl's arms dwarfed mine. She was not fat at all, but she was just solidly built. Good for her, bad for me.

As we warmed up and went through some new techniques, she felt solid, but I'm pretty confident in my wiry strength, and I assume that anybody bigger than me just has popcorn muscles, you know, all fluff, no stuff. But I knew the moment was coming where we would have live sparring, and I'd have to prove myself.

Finally, it came time. And right before we were about to go at it, somebody tells me, "You know she's a wrestler, right?" and my only thought was, "Oh shit." Because I know that somebody with a ton of strength isn't all that difficult to beat if they don't know how to use it. I can usually out leverage bigger and stronger people due to my junior high wrestling abilities (this sounds like a joke, but somehow it is actually the case). Luckily for me, she had a foot issue so we locked up from our knees as opposed to starting on the feet. All it took was that first lockup for me to realize that she definitely did NOT have popcorn muscles. Her muscles were not fluff; they were all stuff. I have never been manhandled like that from that position. She threw me around like I was nothing, and then flew around like a damn ninja to take my back. I managed to get out of that bad spot, only for her to throw me against the cage and start passing my guard while grinding my head into the steel. It was not a pleasant experience.

But don't worry faithful readers, I was not going to give up. Because even though she had more strength and wrestling ability, she wasn't great with submissions, and she hadn't grappled in a while, so she didn't have a ton in the gas tank (which she admitted would be her issue before we started). As she grinded away at me from the top, I waited for my opening, and eventually, she went for a pass and I got her off balance and managed to end up on top of her. Since she was gassed at this point, I passed to side control and locked up my favorite submission, a key lock. I had beaten a girl, fuck yeah.

Although I did get the submission, don't get this story twisted; I got my ass handed to me. Had we been in a street fight (and yes, this would require me to live in some weird alternate universe where I fought random girls on the street), I not only would have lost, I probably would have had a hospital visit afterwards. And for me, that's not embarrassing; it's just a fact of life. I got my ass handed to me by a girl.

Through this experience, I feel as if I have learned some valuable lessons:

1. I take pride in my wiry strength, but there are still girls who can outmuscle me (fun fact: I later learned that she can squat 440 pounds, which is basically three of me).

2. Although Junior High wrestling in Iowa gives me a strong wrestling base, there are girls out there who have slightly better technique than that and can use it to manipulate my body in ways I never thought possible.

3. Although I had never really considered it, this just cements the fact that I should not challenge random girls to street fights, as I might just get my ass whipped.

You probably should have already known these three things, but if you didn't, I'm glad I could help you avoid the humbling experience.