Monday, September 17, 2018

The WWE Is Ruining... Bobby Lashley

As a pro wrestling fan, it is a part of our identity to always know how to utilize wrestlers better than the WWE. If WWE would just give me, random WWE fan, a job a the company, ratings would immediately rise to the levels of the Monday Night Wars, despite how television ratings have changed as a whole over the last 20 years. But until that happens, WWE will continue ruining our favorite wrestlers, and that is why it is time to point out the error in their ways. Because of WWE's incompetence, I am literally going to pick a wrestler at random and point out how they could be better utilized, because WWE is ruining everyone in one way or another.

Today, we focus on how the WWE is ruining...Bobby Lashley? Oh, shit, maybe random wasn't the best way to decide this, but here we are, so let's get going on Big Bob.

As anyone who is reading this probably knows, Bobby Lashley is not the darling of the internet wrestling community. He's not a guy who crushed it on the independents with amazing moves before finally being recognized after years of mastering his craft at smaller shows. Instead, he is a black Incredible Hulk, absolutely jacked and shredded from head to toe. If you're like Vince McMahon and love bodies, then you love Bobby Lashley. If you love work rate, he's probably not your cup of tea.

As somebody who grew up on the WWE in the 80s and 90s, and someone who has traveled across the country multiple times to watch independent wrestling, Obviously, independent wrestling is the world's greatest live entertainment art form, and I'm also somebody who still wonders why Adam Bomb was not the next Hulk Hogan. I love work rate and body guys. There is value in a guy like Bobby Lashley, because he LOOKS like a pro wrestler. You line up all the wrestlers, and Bobby Lashley is in the top five of guys who look like they should be champion.

But when I see Bobby Lashley pop up on the screen, I would very much like him to leave the premises immediately. That is because the WWE has portrayed him as someone who SUUUUUUUUUCKS. Dude sucks so hard. His only memorable gimmick to this point is that he really loves his sisters; that may be the shittiest identifier in wrestling history.

The biggest issue with Lashley is that throughout his entire WWE run, he's been a good guy instead of a bad guy. It's weird to think of now, but him wrestling on behalf of Donald Trump was actually the good guy thing to do, but I am proud to admit that I was rooting for Trump to lose his hair, but that was due to the spectacle of it all as opposed to knowing that Donald Trump is a massive piece of shit.

But Bobby Lashley succeeded as a face during a different time in the WWE. Fans were, quite frankly, simpler beings then. They did cheer for the good guys, even if they preferred their good guys with a bit of an edge. The guys that are universally loved these days are the indy darlings, and there is no way to go back and give Lashley that sort of credibility. Instead, do what's natural and make Lashley a quiet heel. There is no reason for Lashley to speak, because that dude takes his shirt off, and you already hate him a little bit, strictly out of envy. On top of that, the guy is a legit badass who was fairly successful in the MMA world.

The WWE really only has one course of action. Do what's natural and take the natural heat that this guy gets and make him an ultra heel. They have started to make a change with Lashley with his alliance with Lio Rush, a mouthpiece (and also an incredible wrestler), who can do dirty work for him. And really, they have him in a perfect feud as he can take out indy darling, Kevin Owens, who is one of those guys that is so cool that it's kind of impossible for him to be truly hated, so let Lashley embrace his natural ability to walk into a room and be hated and turn that shit up to ten. Bobby Lashley should have a smug look on his face every time he walks into a room, because that dude is as alpha as it gets, and even though I'm a very logical person, I can't help but hate him for it. And use that MMA background to use his shoot fighting skills to punish his opponents. The only thing worse than hating someone is hating someone who you know can kick your ass.

Right now, Bobby Lashley is a square peg that won't fit into a round hole, but he'd fit perfectly into the role of an asshole. And much like an asshole, this man's best work is silent but deadly.

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