So Darren Young, WWE Superstar and one half of the Prime Time Players, came out of the closet and announced that he's gay. That alone is awesome. He felt comfortable enough in his work environment and to the world as a whole to come out of the closet. This is a very positive step for society as a whole. That news alone is very good. But how he did it makes it ten times better. Somebody from TMZ asked him about whether an openly gay wrestler could survive in the WWE, and he just started laughing. He then casually states, "Look at me. I'm a WWE Superstar, and to be honest with you, I'm gay, and I'm happy." He came out to the world, and he really didn't give a shit about it. It is who he is, and it's not a big deal to him at all. Even when the reporter tries to make a big deal out of him coming out, he downplays it as it is not that big of a deal.
While the reporter is going through all of his questions, Darren Young is trying to get away. He's not trying to answer a bunch of questions, because he doesn't care. He announced that he's gay, and now all he wants to do is get in his car and go to the hotel. This is no big press conference, this wasn't even really thought about. Somebody just asked him a question about whether gay wrestlers could survive in the WWE, and he simply answered that he's living proof that they can.
Finally, the reporter asked him about being a role model to other homosexuals in helping them feel comfortable coming out, and he casually said that he would like to do that, but there was something special in his honesty. He didn't plan on answering that question, but at the same time, anything he can do to be a positive role model is important to him. Since none of this was planned, every answer is unscripted and casual, and that is what makes it so awesome.
There is no way something like this could have happened in the past. I wish that all gay athletes could feel comfortable enough to come out like this. Just, "Yep, I'm gay, I'm happy, and I hope everybody else feels comfortable doing what makes them happy too. Have a good night."
This is great news, and it really doesn't change anything for me in watching him. Bravo to Darren Young., and I hope you achieve your dream of, "MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, MILLIONS OF DOLLARS..."
Obviously Charlie Sheen has been in the news a lot lately. There isn't really a new opinion you can give about what is going on in Charlie Sheen's head these days. Luckily, I, like Charlie, am a man who is able to think outside the box. The general consensus is that what Sheen is saying is, for lack of a better word, awesome. I agree that what he was saying was awesome, but something about what he was saying just didn't add up for me. Now I never thought it was because he was crazy that it wasn't adding up, but it seemed like our culture was giving him too much credit for what he was saying. I'm not saying that he wasn't inventive in what he said, but I believe there's purpose behind creativity, and there didn't seem to be a defined purpose in anything that Charlie Sheen was saying. Then I finally figured it out. Charlie Sheen's brain works like a game of Mad Libs.
Before we get started, I want to give you, the readers a chance to play along. Feel free to type a list or write it on a piece of scratch paper, but here is a list of the things that you will need to come up with so you can sound as awesome as Charlie Sheen. You can also fill it out here, but it has been hit or miss whether it will actually go through, so I recommend writing down your answers. Although I encourage it, don't worry if you don't want to participate, as I will provide my own mad lib to show you how easy it is (Thanks to AOL for the quotes.):
Famous Person
Something That Can Happen To Someone
Body Part
Verb
Violent Past Tense Verb
Animal
Body Fluid
Body Part
Body Fluid
Cool Job
Planet
Something you can do to someone
Something you can do to someone
Past Tense Verb
Animal
Past Tense Verb
Ideal
Plural Insult
Plural Insult
Now that you're done with that, you are now able to sound as awesome as Charlie Sheen, just fill in the necessary spots (bolded) below (If you did not play along, feel free to skip to the next part where I go over my and Charlie's quotes):
"I am on a drug, it's called FAMOUS PERSON . It's not available, 'cause if you try it once, you will SOMETHING THAT CAN HAPPEN TO SOMEONE. Your BODY PART will VERB and your children will weep over your VIOLENT PAST TENSE VERB body.";
"When you've got ANIMAL BODY FLUID and Adonis DNA, it's like, get with the program, dude.";
"I have a 10,000-year-old BODY PART and the BODY FLUID of a 7-year-old. That's how I describe myself.";
"I'm underpaid right now, sure. ... I'm tired of pretending like I'm not special. I'm tired of pretending like I'm not bitching, a total frickin'; COOL JOB from PLANET. People can't figure me out, they can't SOMETHING YOU CAN DO TO SOMEONE me. I don't expect them to. You can't SOMETHING YOU CAN DO TO SOMEONE me with a normal brain.";
"I think they're all pretty lame, to be honest. ... They could've PAST TENSE VERB this ANIMAL a hundred times, and instead they PAST TENSE VERB it once.";
IDEAL is for INSULT and INSULT;
************
Hott Joe's Charlie Sheen Quotes
"I am on a drug, it's called HULK HOGAN . It's not available, 'cause if you try it once, you will BE EATEN. Your SPLEEN will SCREAM and your children will weep over your OBLITERATED body.";
"When you've got ORANGUTAN SEMEN and Adonis DNA, it's like, get with the program, dude.";
"I have a 10,000-year-old ELBOW and the BLOOD of a 7-year-old. That's how I describe myself.";
"I'm underpaid right now, sure. ... I'm tired of pretending like I'm not special. I'm tired of pretending like I'm not bitching, a total frickin'; GARBAGE MAN from JUPITER. People can't figure me out, they can't PUNISH me. I don't expect them to. You can't PUNCH me with a normal brain.";
"I think they're all pretty lame, to be honest. ... They could've BELIEVED this KOALA BEAR a hundred times, and instead they FINISHED it once.";
ETHICS is for CLOWNS and JABRONIS;
Honestly, I love the orangutan semen line. I also really like the line of "You can't punch me with a normal brain," because it makes me sound like I came out of The Matrix. But when looking at the real thing below, I could also see him saying any of the things that are put above.
************
Charlie Sheen's Quotes
"I am on a drug, it's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available, 'cause if you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body."
"When you've got tiger blood and Adonis DNA, it's like, get with the program, dude."
"I have a 10,000-year-old brain and the boogers of a 7-year-old. That's how I describe myself."
"I'm underpaid right now, sure. ... I'm tired of pretending like I'm not special. I'm tired of pretending like I'm not bitching, a total frickin' rock star from Mars. People can't figure me out, they can't process me. I don't expect them to. You can't process me with a normal brain."
"I think they're all pretty lame, to be honest. ... They could've fleeced this sheep a hundred times, and instead they skinned it once."
"Hope is for suckers and fools."
************
I really think that I have provided indisputable evidence that Charlie Sheen isn't a genius, he's just mad libs come to life. Don't get me wrong, his quotes are still awesome, but it makes a lot more sense now that I have uncovered the method behind the madness.
-Joe
P.S. Feel free to share your own mad libs in the comments section. Together, we should be able to come up with many batshit insane sayings that will totally impress the ladies.
P.P.S. And just in case you missed it, here's Derrick Rose's pass from a couple nights ago:
I am a man of sophistication, a man who is ultra smooth, but today, I will demonstrate how I am a man of style. While many men live drab lives and wear clothes that do nothing to hide that, I am the complete opposite. I am exotic, erotic, and it makes the ladies neurotic.
Nowhere is this more exemplified than in my choice of underwear. Do I wear tighty-whities? I'm in my pimpin' prime, so those simply will not do. Do I wear boxers? Come on, I'm a man, not a teenage boy. I have two choices when it comes to underwear, boxer briefs or nothing at all. I know the ladies are excited by the latter thought, and trust me ladies, it happens more than you imagine.
Imagine being me. I know you're all extremely excited at this proposition, but calm down and try to follow along. There I am, at the bar, commiserating with the lady that tickles my fancy. Since I am a master of seduction, we head somewhere private, probably back to her place since I doubt she is ready to experience the majesty of my air mattress.
When we get to her bedroom, she's excited, and who can blame her? I am probably the most amazing person she's ever met. When I drop trou and reveal my underwear, she realizes that every arrogant statement I made through the night is absolutely true. Every statement about how it is a privilege that I considered her for love-making that night. Every statement about the vigorous love I am going to make on her are all indisputable facts.
By that time, she’ll be so mentally convinced that it’s going to be great, you don’t even have to deliver physically (although being the quintessential male that I am; I like to deliver for the sport of it).
But exotic underwear isn't just beneficial in sexual conquests, it can be used in business as well. Whether you're applying for a job or trying to close that big deal, exotic underwear could be the difference between close but no cigar and getting the damn thing done.
In the 21st century, women have gained positions of power, and although many might think this is ludicrous, I am extremely excited as it will be easy for me to use this to my advantage. If a woman has gained a position of power, it probably means she's extremely professional and wants to be treated with the utmost respect. Hence, she'll probably be wearing something like this.
Some men would be intimidated by this, but I know that she's going to love me. I'm a sexy dude, and I have questionable morals, what's not to love? So there I am in a private meeting with a female in charge. It will be very difficult for her to not notice how good looking I am. Although I look great dressed up, she may try to press her luck and want to see what I look like dressed down. Now the pathetic losers out there that wear tighty-whities or ordinary boxers will get nervous when asked to strip down in the middle of a business meeting. Me? I'll just smile and give her the show of a lifetime.
I could strip down and reveal my bright pink boxer briefs, letting her know that I'm a man of passion and extreme confidence.
Maybe it's my clover underwear, which will not only make her realize how lucky she is right now, but also the good fortune that will come her way if we get this deal closed today.
Finally, it could be my glow in the dark underwear, which signifies that even when times are at their darkest, I'll be the guiding light to show them the way.
Any of these (or any of my other pairs) will be exactly what is necessary to get the job done when I am asked to strip down in a business setting. Although I have never actually been asked to strip down in a job interview or a meeting with another company, I am prepared for it, as well as any situation that may present itself.
Exotic Underwear: Perfect for the bedroom...and the boardroom.
-Joe
P.S. Surprisingly, when you look up exotic underwear on Google, most results talk about ladies underwear. I guess you learn something new everyday.
P.P.S. Iowa completed yet another undefeated Duals season on Sunday at Minnesota. Here is an awesome video that will awesome you to awesomeland:
I know that most NBA fans will find the title of this article blasphemous. They'll think, "Blake Griffin is so cool. He dunks it really hard. That's excitement personified." Okay, they probably wouldn't use the word personified, but you get the point. Almost all NBA fans love Blake Griffin. Now don't get me wrong, I think Blake's a great player, and I enjoy watching his hustle. But as I watched a highlight video of him this year, I realized something: He isn't that exciting. If you want to watch, here it is for all to enjoy:
Imagine going to a Clippers game. Blake Griffin would inevitably dunk, and you could say that you saw Blake Griffin dunk. But if someone asked you to describe that dunk, you’d probably say that it was the one where he dunked it really hard, and that's about it. It’s cool that he dunks, but it’s a dunk. It’s fun, but dunkers come and go. Let’s face it, unless you’re a hardcore fan of the Iowa Hawkeyes, you probably don’t think about Thunder Doug Thomas very often.
On the other hand, Derrick Rose’s plays are timeless. They make your jaw drop. Plus, they’re fun as hell to describe. You can actually show your friends what he did, which you can't do with a Blake Griffin dunk. Now, will you do Rose's moves much slower and way more awkwardly? Of course you will. But you can position your friends as defenders, show your slow ass crossover move, spin past a third guy, and go in for an easy layup. Just so everyone has a visual, here's a random D-Rose highlight video.
If you compare their highlight videos, it’s not even close. Blake Griffin’s is dunk, dunk, another dunk, an alley-oop dunk, a two handed dunk, a windmill dunk, another dunk, and a dunk.
Derrick Rose's highlights involve steals, blocks, assists, rebounds, lay-ups, spin moves, crossovers, broken ankles, ball fakes, and of course, dunks.
But the real beauty of Derrick Rose is not watching his highlights, it's watching everything he does. Derrick Rose is not the most God-gifted point guard in the league, but he's definitely the most fun to watch. John Wall is more athletic than Derrick Rose. Chris Paul is more technically skilled than Derrick Rose. Deron Williams is physically stronger than Derrick Rose. And Rajon Rondo is a far bigger douchebag than Derrick Rose could ever be.
But you can watch any game that the Bulls have played this season, and no matter the situation, you'll find your eyes drifting towards D-Rose. Part of that is that he's really learned to hustle on both ends of the floor, but part of it is something else. When the Bulls need a boost, Derrick Rose has the killer instinct to do everything that is humanly possible to take over a game. It doesn’t always work. Otherwise the Bulls would be undefeated. But it is one of the most exciting things to ever see a basketball player do. As much as we all want to find that instinct in any of our favorite players, it’s an extremely rare thing for someone to have. There are guys who can turn it on, but a guy who is able to bring it every single night is so special that you'll only see it once in a decade.. In the 80s, it was Bird. In the 90s, it was Jordan. It the 00s, it was Kobe. Now, I’m certainly not ready to hand over the 10s to Derrick Rose in February of 2011, but he’s definitely the favorite.
Listen, Blake Griffin is an incredibly talented player. He is already one of the most popular players in the NBA. But he’ll never be the best, and if you actually enjoy watching the game of basketball, he’ll never be the most exciting either. I’m not ready to crown D-Rose as the best player in the NBA, but he’s got that killer instinct that is rare to see, and nearly impossible to beat. Because of that, there’s no one I’d rather watch play the game.
-Joe
P.S. Even though I was not able to weave it into my post, I wanted to mention the admiration that Kobe has shown for Derrick Rose this year. As skilled as Rose is, Kobe's admiration is because he sees his own killer instinct when he sees Rose. I know a lot of people hate Kobe, but there is nobody who wants to win more than him...except for maybe Derrick Rose.
