Shinesty Has The Pajamas of Your Dreams

Shinesty is at it again. Known for some sweet NFL Suit Jackets, they are expanding their repertoire just in time for the holiday season. They have an abundance of holiday sweaters and pajamas that can keep you both stylish and comfortable during these cool winter months. I would say cold, but living in Florida, cool is about as extreme as it gets down south.

I decided to go the pajamas route, and Shinesty graciously sent me the 8-bit Christmas onesie. There is so much going on with these that I feel like I need to rank my five favorite characters. 

5. Fire Breathing Dragon

Usually fire breathing dragons are pretty scary, but this guy seems like he’s up for a good time. He would definitely help you get your fireplace going if you needed it. Also, he’s even wearing a Christmas hat. Tis the season.

4. Abominable Snowman Celebrating With Christmas Tree

Let’s face it, the Abominable Snowman is definitely somebody who gets way too excited for presents and refuses to let anyone sleep in on Christmas morning. Some would say that he doesn’t understand that it is better to give than receive, but he’s just so happy when he gets to receive that I’m going to give him a pass.

3. Reindeer With Snow Diarrhea

Reindeer with Snow Diarrhea is definitely hoping that you’re not seeing that he has snow coming from his butt. If he asks, say you didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary.

2. Gorilla Humping Presents

Abominable Snowman may love presents, but this Gorilla LOVES presents.

1. Hulk Hogan

I know, he’s wearing red trunks instead of the yellow that we grew accustomed to, but the big muscles, the handlebar mustache, the thinning blonde hair, that is definitely the holiday version of Hulk Ho-Ho-Hogan, and since Hulkamania was running wild through my childhood, I have to give him the top spot. 

So I have talked about the style, but I need to talk about the comfort. I’m not a big pajamas guy, but I am definitely going to be utilizing these bad boys. Down in Florida, my window is probably only a couple months, but I’m originally a Midwestern Boy, and considering how awful the weather is up there, you could use these things for six months at least to stay cozy and content during hibernation season. I also really like how there’s no footies on the end of these things. I don’t care how cold it is, I need my feet to breathe, and these jammies allow me to do that.

I also love that they have pockets built in so you can use them on the go as opposed to only being able to use them for sleep. I could go to the store in these if I needed to. If you're single, it might help you pick up chicks since they would make the subliminal connection of sleep, and then want to sleep with you. That's psychology 101.

But my favorite part of these is that they don’t just zip up, they zip all the way up.

For some reason, it took me zipping the hood all the way up before my wife noted how good the pajamas look, but a compliment is a compliment, so I'll take it. Trust me, it's much easier to seduce a lady when they don't realize how ugly you are.

Why I Wear Exotic Underwear

I am a man of sophistication, a man who is ultra smooth, but today, I will demonstrate how I am a man of style.  While many men live drab lives and wear clothes that do nothing to hide that, I am the complete opposite.  I am exotic, erotic, and it makes the ladies neurotic.  

Nowhere is this more exemplified than in my choice of underwear.  Do I wear tighty-whities?  I'm in my pimpin' prime, so those simply will not do.  Do I wear boxers?  Come on, I'm a man, not a teenage boy.  I have two choices when it comes to underwear, boxer briefs or nothing at all.  I know the ladies are excited by the latter thought, and trust me ladies, it happens more than you imagine.  

But I am not here to talk about the times that I let my guy fly free.  I'm here to talk about those boxer brief times.  There are certain times where I keep it simple and wear underwear that simply gets the job done.  But when I'm ready to go out on the prowl; I make sure that my sex appeal is at its apex.  This cannot be done without the proper underwear.

Imagine being me.  I know you're all extremely excited at this proposition, but calm down and try to follow along.  There I am, at the bar, commiserating with the lady that tickles my fancy.  Since I am a master of seduction, we head somewhere private, probably back to her place since I doubt she is ready to experience the majesty of my air mattress.  

When we get to her bedroom, she's excited, and who can blame her?  I am probably the most amazing person she's ever met.  When I drop trou and reveal my underwear, she realizes that every arrogant statement I made through the night is absolutely true.  Every statement about how it is a privilege that I considered her for love-making that night.  Every statement about the vigorous love I am going to make on her are all indisputable facts.  

 

By that time, she’ll be so mentally convinced that it’s going to be great, you don’t even have to deliver physically (although being the quintessential male that I am; I like to deliver for the sport of it).

But exotic underwear isn't just beneficial in sexual conquests, it can be used in business as well.  Whether you're applying for a job or trying to close that big deal, exotic underwear could be the difference between close but no cigar and getting the damn thing done.

In the 21st century, women have gained positions of power, and although many might think this is ludicrous, I am extremely excited as it will be easy for me to use this to my advantage.  If a woman has gained a position of power, it probably means she's extremely professional and wants to be treated with the utmost respect.  Hence, she'll probably be wearing something like this.

Some men would be intimidated by this, but I know that she's going to love me.  I'm a sexy dude, and I have questionable morals, what's not to love?  So there I am in a private meeting with a female in charge.  It will be very difficult for her to not notice how good looking I am.  Although I look great dressed up, she may try to press her luck and want to see what I look like dressed down.  Now the pathetic losers out there that wear tighty-whities or ordinary boxers will get nervous when asked to strip down in the middle of a business meeting.  Me?  I'll just smile and give her the show of a lifetime.  

I could strip down and reveal my bright pink boxer briefs, letting her know that I'm a man of passion and extreme confidence.

Maybe it's my clover underwear, which will not only make her realize how lucky she is right now, but also the good fortune that will come her way if we get this deal closed today.

Finally, it could be my glow in the dark underwear, which signifies that even when times are at their darkest, I'll be the guiding light to show them the way.

Any of these (or any of my other pairs) will be exactly what is necessary to get the job done when I am asked to strip down in a business setting.  Although I have never actually been asked to strip down in a job interview or a meeting with another company, I am prepared for it, as well as any situation that may present itself.  

Exotic Underwear:  Perfect for the bedroom...and the boardroom.

-Joe

P.S.  Surprisingly, when you look up exotic underwear on Google, most results talk about ladies underwear.  I guess you learn something new everyday.

P.P.S.  Iowa completed yet another undefeated Duals season on Sunday at Minnesota.  Here is an awesome video that will awesome you to awesomeland: