The 12 Worst Things About XWF Episode 3

Unfortunately, we have already come to the finale of my series on the XWF. To give you an idea of how ill-conceived the XWF was, Greg Valentine never showed up for DVD commentary, and not even Jimmy Hart showed up to talk for the intro to episode three. Like, they had to have done these all in one day, but according to Knobbs, Hart was out "scouting for talent" aka strip club. If you remember last week, you'll know that Episode 2 was legitimately entertaining. Episode 3 was most certainly not (much like Episode 1). If you want to put yourself through it, I have embedded it below.

And now the countdown of worst things about Episode 3 of the XWF.

12. The Best Match In XWF History
So it wasn't all bad. AJ Styles took on Kid Kash for the Cruiserweight Championship. Unless you're really into Johnny B. Badd and Norman Smiley gyrating their hips, this is the best match in XWF history. Kash and Styles wrestled a fast-paced match that was exciting from beginning to end. Of course, that wasn't that difficult, since the whole thing lasted about four minutes. But hey, that's understandable since they had to make time for Josh Matthews debut.

11. Rena Got Herself a Security Team
Rena, due to Roddy Piper repeatedly talking to her breasts, has decided to get herself a security team. This includes The Barbarian, which is awesome. It involves Tugboat, which is even more awesome. And it involves 4X4, which, yeah, that one kind of sucks, but two out of three ain't bad. Will these mysterious security men ever go on to wrestle? Eh, we'll never find out, because the XWF didn't last long enough.

10. I Would Do Anything For Love
Jimmy Hart's going to take you to Hail and back. At least that's what he said in an interview building up Hail. It's not necessarily good, but the more I sing it like Meat Loaf, the more I enjoy it.

9. The Mist Is Pissed
Vapor is so unimportant that they list Sonny Onoo with Vapor instead of the other way around.

This forces Jimmy Snuka Jr. to come out with Jimmy Snuka Sr. The ref does not do his job and both Sonny Onoo and The Murdering Snuka are in the ring. The match ends with Big Splashes from both Snukas. They both clear the low bar of doing a better job than Tamina.

8. Weird Sex Worker Wrestles For Money
Drezden takes on Marty Jannetty, but the more important thing that he wears leather pants with leather straps over his torso which makes him look like Smash without the face paint. It kind of makes sense, because Smash has a look that could never go out of style.

Well...maybe not never. But either way, you take away the face paint and it gets real sad real quick. If you want to not make it look like you work in a weird sex club, you really gotta wear the facepaint.

7. The Greatest Tag Team in XWF History
The Hulk Hogan Twins take on the South Philly Posse. HHT cement their status as the greatest tag team in XWF history with a win over the former Public Enemy. They win after the Nasty Boys come out to interfere against the twins but are stopped by the Road Warriors. Neither team in the match is really distracted by this, but it gives the Twins a reason to celebrate with The Road Warriors. This helped propel them to the WWE (three years later) as the long-remembered and longer-loved Gymini Twins.

6. Valentine's Day Blues
Greg Valentine pleads with Roddy Piper for a second straight week to give him a match. He still gets ignored. This may be one of the saddest things about the short-lived XWF. The Hammer owned the fed but couldn't get a match. I really hope that he was going to have his first match be for the World Title, and he was going to go on a Goldberg-like run through every XWF superstar in the organization.

5. JOSH FREAKIN' MATTHEWS

JOSH (he is such a huge star from Tough Enough that he requires just one name) is dressed like a bargain bin Hardy Boy with the addition of a shell necklace. He takes on Horace Hogan. Matthews gets dominated, and by dominated, I mean he hits ZERO offensive moves. Zero offensive moves does not stop him from winning, as he is able to roll up Horace Hogan with a small package for the victory. Thank God this federation ended before it had the chance for Josh to beat AJ Styles and Kid Kash at the same time.

4. Roddy Piper's Uncontrollable Racism
Before Snuka has his match against Vapor, they let Snuka Sr. talk in a completely unrelated segment that has nothing to do with the match. Roddy Piper, despite being a good guy up to this point, interrupts and calls them "coconut heads." Piper's now a heel, because he can't help himself from being super racist with Snuka. Mean Gene rightfully points out that if Piper is talking all that trash, they should fight. But just last week, Piper was told that he can't fight by the CEO. Of course, that brings out Rena who says he should fight. At this point, Piper is backed into a corner, so he does the only logical thing. He makes a match that has nothing to do with himself or the Snukas. END SCENE

3. Vampiro's Awareness Rating Is Zero
There should always be something to say anytime that Curt Hennig is in a match, but I just cannot say much of anything about this match. I'm even a noted Buff Bagwell fan, but still, this is just a match that happened. Hennig and Harrison win the match when Vampiro stands in the ring and stares at Ian Harrison while Curt Hennig pins Buff Bagwell, literally, a foot behind him.

Buff Bagwell gets angry about Vampiro apparently having ADD and forgetting he was in a tag match, so the whole locker room comes out to break up the shoving.

2. The Sable Army Grows
Sable not only got bodyguards in this episode. She also got assistants, possibly a board of directors? It isn't quite clear. Either way, if you wanted to see what feminism looked like in 2001, well, here you go.

The XWF can't be sexist. Not only did they put women in power, but they made sure they had large breasts, a notorious characteristic of females that men do not possess. #GirlPower

1. The Immortal Buff Perfect
I bet you thought that Brian Knobbs honoring those wrestlers that had passed away once was enough, but no. In a three episode DVD, he managed to get real twice. I almost didn't mention this, but I felt that I needed to mention that they really could have found a better photo for Curt Hennig.

I have no idea when Hennig started wearing Hulkamania colors and Buff Bagwell tophats, but apparently Brian Knobbs thought it was the most memorable portion of his career. Curt Hennig, you truly were a Perfect Friend.

The 14 Worst Things About XWF Episode 2

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The 15 Worst Things About XWF Episode 1

The XWF was a short-lived wrestling organization in the early 2000s. It started in November 2001 which means it actually preceded the beginnings of TNA which did not start until June of 2002. Oh, but don't worry about overlap as the XWF was out of business by February of 2002. Honestly, early TNA looks a whole lot like the XWF. It is not good, but there are some good aspects of it. And luckily, they put three of their episodes on YouTube to be broken down. They pack a lot into 45 minutes, so buckle up, and if you'd like to check out the episode, it's embedded below.

Not everything was bad, so the beginning of the list will actually be positive. We take a downward spiral into negatives fairly quickly.

15. They Had The Brain
The best thing they did was get Curt Hennig and have him, not managed, but represented by agent, Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. I am extremely cynical towards this wrestling venture, but even I popped for this. Unfortunately, I'll talk about the match itself later.

14. Mean WHOOOOOOOO Gene
They also got Mean Gene Okerlund, and there is literally no way to fault them for that.

13. Hype Videos
Willie Nelson talks about how much he loves America with Hacksaw Jim Duggan for 20 seconds. It's inane and delightful. Johnny B. Badd does a ten-second promo, and it gets me so hyped. Norman Smiley does the same. They even got Gene Simmons to do one for The Demon. I don't actually see any of these guys wrestle on this episode, and honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if I don't see any of them wrestle at all in these episodes, but the POSSIBILITY has me very intrigued.

12. Talent Did Exist
A bunch of cruiserweights, led by the former Prince Iaukea, come knocking on Piper's door, so he invents a Cruiserweight Title for everyone to compete for. Piper says that people can be eliminated by pinfall, submission, or over the top rope, but everyone is thrown over the top rope, so it's just a Cruiserweight Battle Royal. That is bad, but the fact that they have Psicosis, Kid Kash, AJ Styles, Christopher Daniels, Juventud Guerrera, Low Ki (known as Quick Kick), and Prince Iaukea (known as The Tongan Prince) definitely saves it.

As I said, it's a Cruiserweight Battle Royal, so it's by far the best match on the show. The funniest part is that they pan away from the match to show Josh Matthews to hype him as the next big thing in the Cruiserweight division. Kid Kash wins the Battle Royal to become the first champion of the XWF.

11. A King On Leave
For the broadcast team, they got Tony Schiavone as their main play-by-play announcer which sounds bad, but for color, they had Jerry "The King" Lawler. Lawler quit the WWE for nine months when his wife, The Kat, got fired. This fit perfectly into that break of his. Lawler's commentary does not age well, because it's pretty horrifically offensive for today's world, but back then, you couldn't have gotten a more desired announcer.

10. A Perfectly Stupid Ending
Curt Hennig takes on Vampiro in the first episode main event. The match is fine until the end when Heenan gets a pair of brass knuckles. Before he can use them, Roddy Piper runs out and does this.

He hits Hennig, even though Hennig and Heenan never cheated. There was no proof that The Brain was going to use those brass knuckles for nefarious means; he might have just had cold knuckles. This injustice leads to Vampiro picking up the easy win.

9. Nasty Jimmy Forgot The Hammer
This was a company run by Brian Knobbs, Jimmy Hart, and Greg "The Hammer" Valentine. For the DVD set, they couldn't even get Valentine to say anything which should tell you a lot about the quality of this product. But they did get Knobbs and Hart, and they focused on wrestlers from the past, present, and future. I'll let you take a guess at which one of those categories this company is sorely lacking. They also said they didn't want any prima donnas, and then immediately bragged about signing Hulk Hogan.

8. Authority Figures
Sable is the CEO, but she is just known by her first name, Rena. Sable was never great at speaking, but she did a hell of a job memorizing her lines as she actually sounds like she has a purpose in her words. But she only speaks for a minute before introducing the commissioner, "Rowdy" Roddy Piper. Why did they need two authority figures immediately? Because..., um, shrug emoji. Piper said he'll deal with the wrestlers, and she can deal with the money. I really hope they do some vignettes of Sable crunching the numbers.

7. Is Buff Enough?
The first match, to pop off the crowd, and set the tone for this new wrestling venture, is Big Vito vs. Buff Bagwell. I love Buff Bagwell, but this is exactly the match that you would expect.

6. Party Marty vs. Tall Hulk Hogan

The second match of the card is Marty Jannetty, who does not appear to be intoxicated, taking on some dude named Hail. He's 6'10" 340 pounds and couldn't wrestle his way out of a wet paper bag. He beats Jannetty, but the fact that a guy built like Hail never got a shot in the WWE shows how worthless he was in the ring. This is the first match that highlights the XWF's Hulk Hogan strategy. The XWF brought in every variation of Hulk Hogan to see if they could create a new Hulk Hogan. They had a fetish for giant buff dudes who were balding or completely bald and couldn't wrestle. They looked at professional wrestling, saw Hulk Hogan, loved Hulk Hogan, wanted to produce an entire organization of Hulk Hogans. Their big issue was that they forgot the most important ingredient of Hulk Hogan, and that is charisma. Despite failing to look for that, they would end up with one Hulk Hogan, but that was when they brought in Hulk Hogan.

5. Nasty Boys vs. Hulk Hogan Twins

The Nasty Boys take on The Shane Twins. You're not going to believe this, but the Shane Twins are giant buff dudes who can barely move. The Shane Twins win, but the Nasty Boys start beating on them, only to be stopped by The Road Warriors.

4. British Hulk Hogan Takes On Hulk Hogan's Nephew

Horace Hogan vs. Ian Harrison basically proved that their strategy in finding stars is finding guys who had lots of muscles and the wrestling talent would be secondary at best. British Hogan vs. Hogan Relative saw the foreigner coming out on top.

3. WXF?
This is the XWF secondary logo.

There is no human being alive who wouldn't guess that this company is called the WXF.

2. When Nasty Gets Nice
The end of this video, when they go back to director's commentary, is goddamn insane. Brian Knobbs only knows how to speak one way, and it's fast and loud. He was getting all hyped about the Nasty Boys feuding with The Road Warriors, but then he decided it was time to be serious. This is that moment.

He's still talking fast and loud, but he's combining that with some somber notes as he talks about the death of Hawk and Curt Hennig. They may have not wanted to combine all of the recap in one take, but two takes are for prima donnas.

1. Xcitement
XWF stands for Xcitement Wrestling Federation. I have nothing more to add.

A Comprehensive Breakdown of Kevin Greene's Wrestling Career

WCW was all about star power in the mid-to-late 90s, and legitimate athletes were often the objects of their desire. Kevin Greene was a guy who was in the right place at the right time to take advantage of this. Greene was one of the coolest players in the NFL during his prime. Him and Greg Lloyd were probably the coolest outside linebacker duo of the last 25 years. WCW was hoping that his persona would carry over from the gridiron to the pro wrestling ring. I would say it had mixed results.

For the positives, let's get one thing out of the way: It was awesome to be Kevin Greene. It's kind of amazing how much money he was able to make in WCW. From 1996-mid 2000, Kevin Greene was the 26th highest paid wrestler, and he only wrestled FIVE TIMES from 1996-1998. Bill Goldberg was the hottest wrestler WCW had in 1998, and Kevin Greene made more money than him that year. Throughout that five year span, Greene made more than Chris Jericho, Chris Benoit, and Dean Malenko. It was a really great time to be Kevin Greene. But let's not just focus on the money. Let's focus on what the impact he had on WCW.

Greene's first feud was teaming up with another footballer in Steve "Mongo" McMichael. Mongo had beef with The Four Horsemen, especially Ric Flair, because Flair kept trying to fuck Mongo's wife, and this was despite the fact that he already had two girlfriends. It was really great. She would turn him down week after week, and Flair would just continue to hit on her in every town, because apparently she traveled the country to watch her husband announce wrestling. Even Arn Anderson had to compliment Flair on his ability to get every woman he ever desired. Finally, Mongo got fed up and decided he was going to fight Flair and Arn Anderson. He needed a partner, and since he had no experience in wrestling, he decided to find another guy with zero experience in wrestling and tag up with Kevin Greene.

Kevin Greene was very adamant that Ric Flair and Arn Anderson remember their jock straps and mouthguards, because it's gonna be an all-day affair (and safety first).

Let me warn you about this training video. There is gay pornography that is not as homoerotic as this workout video.

Let's just focus on the quotes from this masterpiece:

"We're coming hard all day long."
"He's pulling that thing like he's gonna pull your head off."
"It's yours, Mongo. Pull it in there, baby."

Now, that is how you do a workout video right. So Kevin Greene's wrestling career is off to a resounding start before he's even had his first match.

Which is good, because this workout video is one of the highlights of his career. His first match didn't go so well for him as Mongo took a briefcase full of cash, hit Greene over the head with it and joined The Four Horsemen. Greene had been played by the dirtiest player in the game, and it was clear that Kevin Greene would forever remain enemies with The Four Horsemen.

He tagged with Flair in his next match. Yes. those two teamed up with Roddy Piper to take on Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, and Syxx. Now it was nearly a year later (something called the Carolina Panthers got in the way), and Greene said that he didn't trust him, but his love of Roddy Piper, despite admitting to be a Hulkamaniac as a child, apparently also loved Hulk's arch nemesis. Somehow, they won, because WCW for some reason decided that Piper, well past his prime, was an unstoppable force that must never take a loss. It was a really weird time.

A month later, Greene got his revenge when he took on Steve McMichael. If you ever wanted to watch two football players take their shot in a wrestling ring, well, you'd have some other options outside of this one as Mongo also took on Reggie White later on, but this was one of the best. It was obviously not good, but Greene did get the win.

Then football season got in the way again, and it was another year before he got his final feud in WCW. Since a year had passed, he was basically an honorary member of the Four Horsemen at this point, just hanging with his best bud, Mongo, and all of his friends who helped to completely screw him over in his first wrestling match. Still, it was his biggest feud yet, literally, as he squared off against The Giant.

The actual match only lasts about a minute, but it still manages to be a pretty impressive shitshow. Somehow Kevin Greene does not get disqualified for a blatant low blow, but The Giant does get disqualified for the nWo interfering in the match. But before all that happened, my favorite Kevin Greene moment of his career happened.

This is the gif for that feeling when you're about to have sex for the first time and her Dad comes home.

A couple weeks later, The Giant got his revenge and defeated Kevin Greene at Bash at the Beach. During that offseason, NFL teams put in a "No Wrestling" clause into Greene's contract and effectively ended his career.

Was Kevin Greene a great wrestler? No. He wasn't a good, or even average wrestler, but he had a lot of energy, and the main got paid. I mean, he was basically a super successful version of Mojo Rawley, and that ain't too bad for a part-time gig. Sure, wrestling fans probably won't look back on his career fondly, but if I were Greene, I'd be pretty damn pleased with myself. He went into another sport, had fun while doing it, and got paid. We should all be so lucky.

Roddy Piper's WCW Nitro Open Challenge

Roddy Piper's run in WCW left a lot to be desired. Let's face it; the world was changing, so Piper was no longer able to paint half his body black and for it to be totally acceptable. He was also getting a little older and had a family, so he wasn't going to be busting random bottles over his head and bleeding profusely for the sake of a promo.

Classic Roddy Piper was on another level. WCW Piper was basically a different person. They gave him a little too much creative freedom, which usually just harmlessly resulted in him cutting a promo that went about ten minutes too long. But in advance of the WCW Uncensored PPV in 1997, it was a hilarious disaster that was absolutely painful to watch.

Roddy Piper was tasked with putting a team together to face the nWo (and weirdly, also a team from WCW). He decided to have an open challenge to find the toughest guys in the back to join his team. They would fight Piper, and the crowd would decide if they were tough enough to join his squad. It did not go well.

Now usually with these open challenges, they may bring out a few jobbers, and then some legit guys that fans know to actually join the team. Piper convinced the WCW to do something differently, and honestly, there's not much more I can say, so let's just go through our challengers.

1. Meathead 1

First, we have Meathead 1. He at least looks athletic, but he's wearing jeans and a belt, so he didn't exactly do his best to prepare for this challenge. He does have a pretty long ponytail, so that is something. The most fascinating thing this guy does in his 30 seconds in the ring is tap out to a kimura by Piper, so clearly Piper knew a little about shooting, because that move was never used as a pro wrestling submission. Still, Piper asks the fans to give him thumbs up or thumbs down, and the entire crowd gives the thumbs down.

2. Meathead 2

The most positive thing I can say about this guy is that he at least wore jean shorts and no belt. He also wore army boots, but hey, you can't win 'em all when it comes to fashion choices. This guy slapped Piper and then threw some knees, so he at least got some offense, but then Piper put him in the sleeper, and he went night night. He also receives a unanimous thumbs down.

3. Meathead 3

Does this guy look familiar? That's because he is what would happen if Meathead 1 and Meathead 2 had a baby. He got Meathead 2's torso, but he got Meathead 1's pants. This guy never even made it into the ring, because this happened...

...which brings us to our next contestant.

4. Craig Mally

Craig Mally is my favorite guy involved in this. Partially because he knocked out Meathead 3 with a hilarious haymaker, but mostly because he wears comically large boxing gloves, and he gives Roddy Piper comically small boxing gloves. I mean, look at that image above. Mally is wearing boat oars at the end of his hand, and he gave Piper a pair of mittens. They "box" for a few minutes, but it's just wild haymakers and hammer fists as both guys fall all over the ring. Piper is impressed, so he asks the crowd if they are impressed, and they emphatically boo while giving the thumbs down. Piper thinks that an extra minute of this mess will change their mind. It does not, but Piper puts him on the team anyway, because he thought people would give a shit about an oversized glove cheap shot artist who they have never seen before.

5. Layton Morrison

This was probably my least favorite guy. He's a kickboxer, and a guy who likes to pick Piper up awkwardly. The highlight of the match is when Morrison picks Piper up and nearly depantses him, and Piper decides to call it a day and just announce him as part of the team while the crowd erupts in boos.

6. John Tenta

Hey, it's a real life pro wrestler. I would say that John Tenta is a guy who belongs in something like this. The only problem is that he's more of a guy you bring out as the first legit guy as part of your team, since he's big, and that's always impressive. But he's not a final guy for fans to get excited about, so he's kinda swingin' above his weight here. Still, the crowd was so sick of the endless parade of jobbers that they shot up to their feet to cheer on Earthquake, aka The Shark, aka John Tenta (aka Golga, but he saved that for the future). John Tenta wrestles Piper for a minute, until the other two team members come in the ring to attack him, and the crowd continues to give the thumbs down as Craig Mally swings wildly and Layton Morrison trips over his own feet.

Eventually, the segment ends, as the crew is set to take on the nWo in two weeks at Uncensored.

They were replaced by the Four Horsemen one week later.

I'm Still Mad About Roddy Piper Beating Hulk Hogan At Starrcade 96

I just finished up all the WCW Monday Nitros on WWE Network. First off, WWE, put up at least 1997, because being stuck at this stage is just killing me. It is killing me, because I just watched Starrcade 96, and Roddy Piper somehow got a clean victory where he put Hollywood Hogan to sleep. That is literally the most embarrassing way to lose a match. I thought I remembered this happening, but nearly 20 years later, I was still sick to my stomach watching Piper go clean over Hogan.

Piper is no doubt a legend in pro wrestling, but trying to build up Piper as Hogan's equal is the most asinine comparison in wrestling history. No wrestling fan in history ever saw Piper as Hogan's equal. There are so many guys that would be brought up as Hogan's rival in those days before Piper: Savage, Warrior, Flair, and Andre are at least worthy adversaries. Since Hogan was King of WWE at that time and Piper never had a singles feud against him, he's more on the level of guys like Mr. Perfect. That is not meant as an insult as both Piper and Mr. Perfect were incredible talents that had a ton of influence on the pro wrestling as a whole.

And it's not like Piper was ever a great champion. Yes, he did have the Intercontinental Title, a belt held by guys like Macho Man Randy Savage, Rick Rude, and the Ultimate Warrior. Of course, the title had taken a major step backwards by the time Piper won it, as he beat The Mountie to take the title. That's right, The Mountie.

I think Pat Patterson's win in that tournament in Brazil is a more legitimate run than Piper had. Credit where credit is due, Piper did have a nice run in the NWA where he won the US Title back when that title really meant something, but it never meant nearly as much as any of Hogan's title reigns.

Weirdly, the match wasn't for the title, which I'm not even sure was good, because it meant that the victory meant nothing except for Piper calling himself an icon in every sentence he spoke for the rest of his time in WCW. It was so brutal that I am getting physically ill bringing these memories back. This was well past the point where Piper brought his A-game on the microphone, and Hogan was rarely effective in public speaking, so it lead to a lot of moments that are tough to watch.

Piper may have been great, but he never deserved a clean victory over Hogan (he probably didn't even deserve a dirty win over Hogan). But credit where credit is due; They Live is one of the great films of the 1980s, and that will always give Piper a special place in my heart.

If you're looking for a tl;dr version of this story, this video perfectly sums it up:

Celebrity Wife Swap: Flair vs. Piper

So I watched Celebrity Wife Swap for the first time. obviously, as the title indicates, the only reason I watched it is that Ric Flair was swapping "wives" with "Rowdy" Roddy Piper. Something I learned is that Celebrity Wife Swap does a very poor job of making people care. Their intros and conclusions were both boring and left me wanting to change the channel. I was fully in with Piper and Flair, but this is not a show that hooks you in, because they managed to make those two seem boring with their intro. The best part of the intro was, "Ric has finally settled down with his girlfriend, Wendy." Dude's been married four times.

Piper really stole the show. The problem with Flair is that Ric Flair is always Ric Flair. Nothing anyone can say will surprise you, because it's all so predictable. Piper, on the other hand, is always great, because he's casually condescending. With Ric's wife saying she doesn't do any work, Piper just replies, "Well, isn't that nice?" He's a great human being. These following quotes are not funny quotes, but they had me laughing my ass off from Piper's delivery.

"Meatloaf is one of my favorites...it's not anymore."

"I've been here 20 years, I couldn't name you a restaurant."

"Shopping's not cool."

Also, on this episode, Flair's girlfriend made Piper take the family out shopping. They somehow spent $8795.00. Without buying a car, house, or mobile home (car and house), I don't have a clue of how I could spend that much money shopping. I'd have a goddamn heart attack.

Flair's old lady also made Piper take her out on a date. Piper wore his kilt on their fancy date. This man gives zero fucks. He's the best.

Piper also has electric bagpipes, because of course he does.

Let's quickly focus on the ladies involved in this episode. Flair's girlfriend seemed like somebody obsessed with money and didn't really seem to care about much else. She did not come across well. Piper's wife just seemed like a simple person who was happy with a simple life. That sentence sounds kind of demeaning, but it is not meant to be, as she, like her husband, came across as a real human being that people can relate to. They also showed Flair's first wife, and I have no idea whether she was ever attractive. She has had A LOT of work done, and she is now in that terrifying stage of life where she has a petrifying frozen face.

Ric Flair also had some memorable moments including his one rule, "We do what I want."

Ric Flair spends $100,000 on dinner every year. He has a $300 meal every night. Once I see a meal goes over $20, I start feeling ill. Flair also spends $50,000 on a housekeeper. Needless to say, I felt like I would have much more in common with Piper than I would with Flair.

And that is the big difference between these two. This show is made for Piper, because he's a real human being who's had success but just lives off of what he needs and hasn't really let anything change who he is. He is incredibly relateable. Flair, on the other hand, is Ric Flair. He's not a person; he's a caricature, but he's having a blast doing it so more power to him. But his lifestyle isn't something that normal human beings can do. Flair is great for being a limousine ridin', jet flyin', kiss stealin' wheelin' dealin' son of a gun. Piper is just great.