The Ultimate WWE Fantasy Draft - Part Two

With Smackdown moving to a live show on Tuesdays, there are plenty of rumors about an upcoming brand split for the WWE. Instead of waiting for the WWE to pull off a disappointing draft routine, the ultimate tag team, Lukewarm Jonah and Hott Joe, came together this past week to have an old fashioned WWE Fantasy Draft. Our goal is to create the best possible roster to create a successful, moneymaking product.

Some things to know before we get started is that you draft guys for what they are likely to do in the future. The Rock is in this draft, but you don't get to draft him as a full-time wrestler, but he can be used 1-2 times a year to talk for a half hour and boost ratings. Another thing is that wrestlers automatically got their managers with them, so Miz comes with Maryse. Also, tag teams must be taken in pairs, and they must be taken with the first of your two back-to-back picks since we did a snake draft. For New Day, they would take up the person's next three picks, but they would stay together. And to create this list, we used the list of WWE personnel on Wikipedia, so our main roster included 118 picks. And that does not include NXT Superstars (Supplemental Draft) or Mr. McMahon, who is ominpresent for our purposes.

Since Jonah is a true gentleman, he offered me the first pick, and from there, we will have two picks each through the rest of the draft. We did part one yesterday, so let's move onto part two where everybody is still relevant.

40-41. Joe selects Emma and Shane McMahon
Outside of Sasha Banks, I think Emma is my favorite Diva. I think Becky Lynch and Paige get more credit as wrestlers, but Emma has had nothing but good to great matches down in NXT, so if you pair her with top talent, she can deliver top matches. I also added Shane McMahon, because people love Shane McMahon.

42-43. Jonah selects Jack Swagger and William Regal.
Emma is awesome, and she would have been my pick here, but I obviously disagree and think that Lynch and Paige are both better.  Jack Swagger is a wrestler who they just booked into absolute jobberdom.  He was a world champion early, then was booked into oblivion.  What people forget is that it took maybe a month or two to reestablish him as a top wrestler and he fought for the World Title at Wrestlemania after losing every match for years.  He’s a great technical wrestler, has a great look, he’s at worst a midcarder.  William Regal counteracts Shane McMahon as my authority figure.  Regal is also beloved by all and won’t be leaving anytime soon to buy companies or whatever the hell Shane does in his free time.  Also, I don’t care what your GM jumps off of, my GM can beat up your GM.

44-45. Joe selects Stephanie McMahon and Dana Brooke
And then I selected the counterparts of my previous round. Stephanie balances out Shane and gives Triple H his lady buddy. And Dana Brooke is best with Emma, even though she can also fill the role of helping out Charlotte. She also showed she can put on fun matches when she went up against Asuka.

46-47. Jonah selects Tyler Breeze and Natalya
Joe probably could have waited 10 more rounds to select Stephanie.  I don’t want that poison on my show.  She’s over but she doesn’t ever use that to put anyone else over.  She beats regular female wrestlers, she smacks down male wrestlers, she has Triple Hitis to the max as no one can ever be cooler than her.  Enough hate on Joe’s pick, Breeze hasn’t even been on the main roster a year.  I’ve never seen him in a bad match and his promos in NXT were awesome.  The guy has it all besides needing to be a little taller or weigh a little more I guess.  He’s a new Rick Martel or even Shawn Michaels.  Yeah I went there.  Natalya is fine, I was just getting worried with Joe scooping up women’s wrestlers everywhere.  Natalya puts on great matches, but isn’t a great promo.  I’ll get her a manager and a gimmick that isn’t solely I’m related to Bret Hart.

48-49. Joe selects Undertaker and Zack Ryder
So I basically took every spectacle pick. Undertaker can be around for 1-2 months a year and will elevate whoever he faces at WrestleMania. I'm not an Undertaker guy, but the more I think about the pick, the more I like it. Also, I took Zack Ryder, because Woo Woo Woo, You Know It!

50-51. Jonah selects Fandango and Nikki Bella
By 1-2 months, I assume Joe means 1-2 shows.  Fandango is another talent that has been criminally underused.  Great look, got over with possibly the stupidest gimmick ever, and is a talented wrestler and full of charisma.  I let Johnny Curtis get weird and I think he becomes a legitimate star.  Nikki Bella, the lioness of the women’s division.  Not anywhere near the new NXT wrestlers in terms of skill, but much better than she is given credit for.  Super over, helps add depth to the women’s division, I mean she’s the longest reigning champ in history.

52-53. Joe selects The Vaudevillains
I have another fun tag team, and if I can get Aiden English to sing more, they could get a big time push. They're both really good wrestlers, and they are dependable to put on good matches, so it's always good to add this sort of talented depth.

54-55. Jonah selects The Dudley Boyz
I counter Joe’s selection of a good young tag team with the selection of a good old tag team.  The Dudley Boyz can still be presented as a legitimate tag team.  They don’t have to be booked into oblivion.  Bubba has also shown that he can be a legitimate main event singles wrestler.  That leaves D-Von in the dust, but I think they still have a few good years left in them.

56-57. Joe selects Tyson Kidd and Bo Dallas
Don't forget how great Tyson Kidd and Cesaro were before he got hurt. And adding another super worker is never a bad idea as long as he can come back from an incredibly serious injury. Also, don't stop BO-lieving.

58-59. Jonah selects Erick Rowan and Naomi
Again I had to leave Tyson Kidd for Joe so he could properly take care of Cesaro.  Erick Rowan isn’t great in the ring, but he’s not terrible.  He’s got the size and the look and can be hidden with Wyatt just like Strowman.  He was actually over when he fought against the Authority at that Survivor Series, but they followed that up by jobbing him out to the Big Show which shockingly didn’t turn him into a star.  Naomi is lost in the diva’s revolution, but is still capable of putting on good matches and being a legitimate title contender and doing some cool athletic moves in the ring.

60-61. Joe selects Summer Rae and Heath Slater
I'm one of Summer Rae's biggest fans, and I think she has enough potential to be a great asset for the women's division. Also, Heath Slater is the perfect job guy to throw out there and just let people be dominant.

62-63. Jonah selects Darren Young with Bob Backlund and Alicia Fox
Darren Young will be taking no days off with Bob Backlund.  He’s got a great look and has been good in the ring as well.  Whether he has a singles run, or reunites the Prime Time Players, he’s a valuable asset.  Alicia Fox may be the most underrated diva out there.  Her axe kick is awesome, and her bridging suplex is a thing of beauty.  She will provide quality matches with basically anyone in the division.

64-65. Joe selects Curtis Axel and Mark Henry
I didn't set out to get all of the (remaining) Social Outcasts, but it happened, and I'm good with that. They can fill a role. I don't see Mark Henry ever returning to Hall of Pain level but it's never a bad idea to add a Big Hoss to the team.

66-67. Jonah selects Sin Cara and R-Truth
Sin Cara does fun flippy moves and wears a cool mask.  Again, that’s just a marketable combination.  He can team with Kalisto or they can go their own way in singles action.  Either way the kids will love them.  Speaking of wrestlers the kids love, here comes R-Truth.  He’s stuck in a comedy gimmick, but he’s played that gimmick excellently.  He’s provided some of the legitimately funny moments in the past few years and is a name and an entertainer.

68-69. Joe selects Mauro Ranallo and Corey Graves
It is now the time where announcers have more value than the remaining wrestlers. Mauro Ranallo is an expert play-by-play guy, and Corey Graves has shown himself to be a fantastic color guy. He actually has reasons why he likes and hates guys and sticks with those feelings as opposed to switching back and forth with no reasoning. This is an ideal combo that will actually make people watch my show with the sound on.

70-71. Jonah selects Booker T and Renee Young
Joe gets the scoop on announcers.  I always found Booker T was an entertaining commentator that actually provided insight.  Renee Young is just plain awesome.  I’d like to try her out as a commentator, but if that doesn’t work then at least I’ve got the best interviewer on my show.

72-73. Joe selects Eva Marie and Ryback
Finally, we can get that Eva Marie/Sasha Banks IronWoman match that we've all been waiting for. Since everyone seems to hate Eva Marie, she could be one hell of a heel manager. And if you want her to be a wrestler, she could be a prettier, less talented Heath Slater to help my women get some squash matches under their belt. Ryback may be done with wrestling, or he may read an inspirational book and come back better than ever.

74-75. Jonah selects The Usos
To repeat what I said when I made this pick, ugggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh.  I really don’t like the Usos, but the value was far too great here.  Former tag team champions getting picked after Eva Marie is a smart move.  If they continue to suck and piss me off at the very least they can put over every other team.  Oh and since Roman Reigns is on my roster I’m instituting a restraining order between them.

76-77. Joe selects Goldust and Cathy Kelley
Remember when Goldust got in a meaningful angle against The Shield a few years ago and he was doing the best wrestling of his career? Well, maybe if we can find something meaningful for him, and reignite that fire. Also, Cathy Kelley is basically a younger, brunette Renee Young, so she'll do just fine for backstage interviews.

78-79. Jonah selects Michael Cole and Tamina
Michael Cole is the voice of the WWE.  He has actually become a decent commentator even though he can still be pretty annoying he delivers the news straightforward and respectable.  His interview show is also pretty entertaining as well, so some combination of him, Booker T and Renee Young will make for a good commentary/interview team.

Please Start Watching NXT

Please start watching NXT. You can watch it for free on Hulu. I notice the episodes on Thursday mornings, but maybe they come out earlier than that. NXT is the best show the WWE produces. It is made up of wrestlers you have likely never seen before (unless you actually like independent wrestling, which very few people are aware of), and it has appearances by guys on WWE's main roster. It's awesome. The storylines make sense, and the matches are way better than Raw (excluding matches from The Shield, Ziggler, Cesaro, Daniel Bryan, and honestly, Randy Orton lately). I can't tell enough people about Antonio Cesaro vs. Sami Zayn in a 2 out of 3 falls match from a couple months ago. Click on this, go to right after the second to last commercial break (it's about 19 minutes left) and watch the match of the year. Seriously, the only that isn't awesome about this match is Alex Riley on commentary. Sami Zayn has followed this up by having awesome matches with Jack Swagger, El Local, and Bo Dallas. If you start watching NXT, Sami Zayn will become one of your five favorite wrestlers.

Outside of Sami Zayn matches, which are all awesome, the other best thing about NXT is Bo Dallas. That's right; I'm a Boliever. This is one of the greatest gimmick alterations the WWE has ever performed. Bo Dallas was basically John Cena where he was a good guy who was always positive and people despised him for it. The beauty of NXT is it is almost entirely made of the snarky WWE fans (I am one of these people). What Bo Dallas initially did was try to ignore things, but now he has become a delusional character who hears boos as "Bos," and basically everything he says now is brilliant. He is now the guy that everybody wants to punch in the face, and I love him for it.

The worst thing in the WWE is CJ Parker. He is a hippie who doesn't quite understand how to be a hippie and snaps in and out of character with no rhyme or reason. But that's the beauty of NXT, everyone that you feel should be hated is actually hated. Everything about CJ Parker is geared to get a positive reaction, but everyone who goes to NXT shows hates CJ Parker.

He's feuding with Tyler Breeze, who is Wrestling Zoolander. I see I have piqued your interests. Enjoy this video:

Yeah, he constantly takes selfies, and he's just a really fun character. He also beats CJ Parker all the time which is also very enjoyable.

Speaking of ridiculous things that make me happy, Enzo Amore and Big Cass are also fantastic. I am working on memorizing this speech for every job interview that I have:


This is one of my favorite promos of the year:

I cannot wait to tell somebody that they don't eat hard tacos, because they are S-A-W-F-T SAWFT!

And there is also Renee Young who has started showing up on the big shows but is even more wonderful on NXT. She does commentary occasionally and the only one who can keep up with her is William Regal. She could easily be to wrestling what Doris Burke is to basketball, which makes her the opposite of what Pam Ward is to college football. Also, she's pretty easy on the eyes as well.

I could easily keep going on this, but I really want people to start sharing in my love of NXT. Right now, all I have are the weekly recaps from Brandon Stroud on Uproxx (which are excellent). So please start watching, and I will gladly share thoughts on Aden English, Alexander Rusev, Kassius Ohno, Mojo Rawley (Stay Hype), and anybody else.

NXT is the best. Please start watching it.

Wrestlemania 29 Predictions

Lukewarm Jonah: Hott Joe and I love wrestling and we love gambling.  I bet you didn’t know you could combine the two and bet on a pre-determined contest, but you can.  I’ve found some actual betting odds from williamhill.com, a UK site.  There is actually an American site in Las Vegas that has odds too.  I’ve found the best lines, and Hott Joe and I will be giving you our Wrestlemania predictions and betting picks. 

Hott Joe: Thank God LJ is around, because I have been lazy as shit about writing, but this is definitely something I can get behind.

WrestleMania 29 - Fandango vs. Chris Jericho

Fandango -800 (1/8)

Chris Jericho +425 (17/4)

Lukewarm Jonah: Fandango has to be my pick to win this match.  Chris Jericho came back last year just to put over guys like CM Punk and Dolph Ziggler.  One has to assume that he’s back to put Fandango over.  However, I didn’t expect odds these long and wouldn’t touch this bet.  Fandango is still the smart pick, but they could always give Jericho a win.

Hott Joe: Fandango has been one of my favorite parts of Raw over this last month, as any man who focuses a lot of his character on seduction will always be someone I can relate to. And oh, how the mighty have fallen. Jericho, the man who beat the great Marty Jannetty and gave us this…

...now makes fun of Fandango’s name in childish ways. Jericho is still awesome (I highly recommend both of his books), but let’s face it, Jericho could lose every match for the next three years and still get the same cheers from fans. Fandango is going to get the victory.

WrestleMania 29 – Randy Orton, Sheamus & Big Show vs. The Shield

Randy Orton, Sheamus & Big Show +400 (4/1)

The Shield -700 (1/7)

Lukewarm Jonah:   I would like to take Randy Orton, Sheamus, and The Big Show as 4/1 underdogs.  I have no idea why the lines are so high, I guess William Hill thinks that we’ll get a heel turn from one of the three guys on the good guy team.  That’s very possible, but I don’t think it’s so crazy to think that the bad guys who have run rampant for months and months on end will finally get their comeuppance.  Really I think this match is a toss up, so I’ll take the good odds and go with the good guys at 4/1.

Hott Joe: Thank God Lukewarm Jonah wrote out this match, because whenever I refer to this match, I simply say The Shield vs. Turd Burglars. Last month, Sheamus tried to beat The Shield with the help of Cena and Ryback, now they replaced those two with Show and Orton. The Shield wins, and for a fun prediction, I say that at the next PPV, The Shield finally loses to Cena, The Rock, and Sheamus or Ryback.

WrestleMania 29 – Ryback vs. Mark Henry

Ryback -800 (1/8)

Mark Henry +425 (17/4)

Lukewarm Jonah: I’m picking Ryback to win this match.  This is another match where the odds aren’t good enough to put any money on it, but it’s very hard to see Ryback losing.  He’s being pushed to the moon, he’s a newer monster that needs to continue to be pushed.  Anything can happen in the WWE, and Henry is always a great monster heel to push, but Ryback is the smart pick here.

Hott Joe: This match comes down to one question for me, can Ryback actually pick up Mark Henry for his finisher? He couldn’t do it to Tensai, so I have some serious doubts. I really hope the WWE tells Ryback that he needs to do his finisher or Mark Henry gets to win. I’ll go with the upset and Mark Henry finishing off The Ryback.

WrestleMania 29 – Intercontinental Championship – Wade Barrett vs. The Miz

Wade Barrett +275 (11/4)

The Miz -450 (2/9)

Lukewarm Jonah: It’s the preshow match for the Intercontinental Title, kind of sad that this match can’t even make the real show.  Anyways, it seems like they’re building the Miz up, so an Intercontinental Title run would make sense.  It would also open up the underutilized Barrett for a possible run at the World Title.  My gut says the Miz, but it’s really a toss up in my honest opinion.  I would take the Miz as my pick, but I wouldn’t touch this bet.

Hott Joe: God, I hate The Miz, but he’s going to win. I don’t want to talk anymore about this.

WrestleMania 29 – Team Hell No vs. Ziggler & Langston

Team Hell No -130 (10/13)

Ziggler & Langston EVEN (1/1)

Lukewarm Jonah: Basically a pick em bet, I’m taking Team Hell No.  I thought I would get better odds on them, but I’ll take close to even money.  There’s a good chance Ziggler is going to be involved with the World Title scene soon, possibly even at Wrestlemania.  They can’t have him holding the tag belts while he’s World Champ.  I also feel like they gave away the ending they would have used for a Ziggler/Langston win this past Monday .  My real bold prediction, AJ tries to distract one or both of Bryan and Kane, it backfires somehow and they retain.  This makes it an even bigger surprise when Ziggler cashes in Money in the Bank later and wins his first world title.

Hott Joe: I’m taking Team Hell No, but with a slightly different twist. I say AJ does get involved in the match, but then Kaitlyn comes out and starts beating her up. Big E comes to her rescue while Dolph gets destroyed in the ring. And yeah, I totally agree with LJ’s last prediction, but I’ll get into that later.

WrestleMania 29 – The Undertaker vs. CM Punk

The Undertaker -1600 (1/16)

CM Punk +700 (7/1)

Lukewarm Jonah: This is way too big of a lock, and the odds reflect it.  However if you really are looking for guaranteed money, put it on the Undertaker.  The Undertaker’s undefeated streak will never be beaten, especially not this year, and especially not by CM Punk.  I love Punk to death, but he has no chance.  Taker still has money matches left with John Cena and Brock Lesnar.  As I said, the odds suck, but this is the equivalent of picking the Yankees to beat your local little league team, you know it’s going to happen.

Hott Joe: Taker, obviously. Also, am I the only person that hasn’t ruled out that Paul Bearer might still be alive? Like, the WWE is very shady, so I could totally see them successfully pulling off someone’s death. My bold prediction is that Taker wins with the help of a Paul Bearer run waddle-in (This is not going to happen, but at least admit that it could).

WrestleMania 29 – No Holds Barred Match – Triple H vs. Brock Lesnar

Triple H -650 (2/13)

Brock Lesnar +375 (15/4)

Lukewarm Jonah: I thought Lesnar would be a much bigger underdog here, and I was planning on making him my value pick.  At these odds, I’ve got to take Triple H.  I thought Lesnar would be one of the real long shots, close to CM Punk levels.  It’s always possible that Triple H saw two of his best friends, Ric Flair and Shawn Michaels retire at Wrestlemania and decided that was the way he wanted to go out.  However, I just see Triple H getting his win back from Summerslam.  Triple H wins, Shawn Michaels superkicks Lesnar or Heyman or both, even Vince probably gets involved.  Trips wins, and at these odds I’d probably lay some decent money on it.

Hott Joe: This stipulation is still the worst stipulation of all time. A No Holds Barred match where Brock Lesnar has no friends, and Triple H is the “coolest kid at school.” Oh, and it’s for Triple H’s career, which was already over before Lesnar came back. YOU CALLED HIM OUT OF RETIREMENT TO PUT HIM IN A RETIREMENT MATCH. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? Anyway, I have similar thoughts again, but I see all of DX getting involved and Lesnar F-5ing all of them until H can hit the Pedigree and win.

WrestleMania 29 – Alberto Del Rio vs. Jack Swagger

Alberto Del Rio -500 (1/5)

Jack Swagger +300 (3/1)

Lukewarm Jonah: Another match I thought would be much longer odds, that I would have considered making a value pick.  Jack Swagger has a hot new gimmick that has gotten mainstream attention, but he’s not going to win.  Del Rio will win for his injured friend Ricardo Rodriquez, and he will also win because if Ziggler cashes in Money in the Bank he’s got to do it against a face.  Also, if they don’t have Zigger cash in, they’re trying to build Del Rio up as their new Mexican superstar since Rey Mysterio will probably retire soon.  They need a guy to appeal to their large Mexican fanbase and if they don’t go for surprise cash in, I think Del Rio will have a long reign.  At these odds I like Del Rio a lot.

Hott Joe: Del Rio wins, and Ziggler comes out to immediately take the title. Dolph Ziggler has been getting pretty solid cheers for a while now. You add in the fact that it is WrestleMania crowd that loves wrestling more than anything else, and there is going to be a huge pop when he comes out to take the title. #HEEL

WrestleMania 29 – WWE Championship – The Rock vs. John Cena

The Rock +550 (11/2)

John Cena -1000 (1/10)

Lukewarm Jonah: Another easy lock just like Taker vs. Punk.  Cena gets his win back from last year and we have a passing the torch moment.  The real interest in this match is whether or not Cena will turn heel to win.  He hinted at it two RAW’s ago when he said the Rock didn’t beat him, he beat himself.  Cena turning heel would lead to a bunch of new match and storyline possibilities, and be on the same level as the Hollywood Hogan turn.  But anyways, back to the betting, there is no way The Rock retains, he has a bunch of awesome new movies to promote and can’t be champ.  A part time wrestle also can’t beat a full time wrestler on the biggest stage two years in a row. 

Hott Joe: There have been a lot of whispers about Cena turning bad, but maybe Cena already has become his heel persona. Maybe it will just be that he doesn’t care that adults all think he’s a douche, and he’s only doing it for the kids. The guy does a shit-ton of charity work, and he can still be cheered by kids while they get drowned out by the boos of adults. Still, he’ll win the title. John Cena’s worst year ever saw him win Royal  Rumble, have 15 title shots, and upgrade from his wife to a Bella Twin, what does this man need to have a good year?

WrestleMania 29 – Random Prediction

Hott Joe: My random prediction is that there will be a 20 man Battle Royal for a shot at the United States Championship. Zack Ryder will win, because he is basically the best Battle Royaler of all time, and he’s near his hometown. He will then beat my favorite wrestler, Antonio Cesaro, for the US Title. This is one of those cases where if you love someone, you need to set them free. Cesaro has lost his last 50 non-title matches, so maybe getting the belt off of him will let The Yodeler win some matches. Also, I’m still pissed that they dropped him trolling the fans by loving America so much. This man got booed for waving the American Flag; that’s the greatest thing from the past six months, well, outside of this:

LJ, I’ll let you finish, since you did most of the heavy lifting on this post.

Lukewarm Jonah: CM Punk will lose. We've covered that already, but in doing so, he will see the error of his ways and turn back into a face. He may even hit a GTS or lock on the Anaconda Vice on Paul Heyman.