The WWE Is Ruining...The Miz

The Miz is an A-Lister, but the WWE does not seem to be treating him as such. He transitioned a successful movie career into his own reality television show, but still the WWE seems to be doing everything they can to ignore his greatness. I can’t believe that I’m not saying this facetiously, because The Miz figured out how to be pretty great.

Basically, The Miz is what Jon Moxley is trying to become. Neither guy is dynamite in the ring, but they are serviceable, but it’s the character that they bring that will help make them stars. Obviously, these characters diverge to go on very different paths, but they bring you in enough with their character work that you can overlook some sloppiness in the ring, because you are invested in the story. They’re both a little more old school in that way.

The Miz was one of the hottest acts they had last year, and then they put him with Shane McMahon. Usually, that lone is a death sentence, but The Miz actually found a way to get it over with the crowd, and he became beloved. Finally, Shane McMahon turned on The Miz, and The Miz got his revenge by losing cleanly...repeatedly.

In a match, there is a winner and a loser. At least I thought so. After doing this series, I am convinced that every match must be a fatal four-way, because I swear that there are three times as many losers as winners in WWE. Before a couple weeks ago against Dolph Ziggler, when do you think was the last time that The Miz got a win on TV that didn’t involve Elias? That would be March 5 against Jey Uso, and that was just to set him up to lose in the tag title match at Fastlane.

Luckily, there is an easy fix. Let him feud with someone important and give him time to build a feud. He made a Shane McMahon feud interesting, just imagine if he had someone talented to go up against. He’s also shown that he can be a heel or face, so it wouldn’t be that hard to transition him against anyone on the roster. I mean, would it really be that hard to put him in a World Title feud with either current champion?

The Miz is versatile enough to fill any role the WWE needs right now, but he deserves a better role than trying to get Shane McMahon over. Honestly, it may be time for some piddly feuds to build up to a Daniel Bryan match at WrestleMania. That would be giving the people what they want, so for WWE, I guess that means it would have to be at Takeover instead.

Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Akam
Ali
Alicia Fox
Andrade "Cien" Almas
Apollo Crews
Bayley
Big E
Big Show
Bo Dallas
Bobby Lashley
Bobby Roode
Braun Strowman
Brock Lesnar
Carmella
Chad Gable

Charlotte Flair
Curt Hawkins
Curtis Axel

Dana Brooke
Dash Wilder
Drew McIntyre

Elias

Ember Moon
Epico

Finn Balor

Goldust
Gran Metalik

Jey Uso
Jimmy Uso
Jinder Mahal
Kane
Karl Anderson

Kevin Owens
Killian Dain
Kofi Kingston
Konnor

Lio Rush

Luke Gallows
Matt Hardy

Mickie James
Mojo Rawley

Natalya
Nia Jax

No Way Jose
Peyton Royce
Primo

Randy Orton

Rezar

Ruby Riott

Rusev
Sarah Logan

Scott Dawson
Shane McMahon
Sheamus

Shinsuke Nakamura
Tyler Breeze

Viktor

Zack Ryder

The WWE Is Ruining... Shane McMahon

As a pro wrestling fan, it is a part of our identity to always know how to utilize wrestlers better than the WWE. If WWE would just give me, random WWE fan, a job a the company, ratings would immediately rise to the levels of the Monday Night Wars, despite how television ratings have changed as a whole over the last 20 years. But until that happens, WWE will continue ruining our favorite wrestlers, and that is why it is time to point out the error in their ways. Because of WWE's incompetence, I am literally going to pick a wrestler at random and point out how they could be better utilized, because WWE is ruining everyone in one way or another.

Today, we look at the greatest in-ring competitor in the McMahon family, Shane McMahon.

Shane McMahon became beloved for taking risks that few full-time wrestlers were willing to take. He really liked to jump off really high things into a mildly hard surface with a crash pad underneath. As someone who is scared of heights, good on him for those moves, but this infinite love that the WWE has for him is a little over the top for my tastes.

Nowhere was this more evident than his return to the WWE. After a seven-year hiatus, he came back to one of the biggest pops of the year. There are very few guys you can imagine getting that sort of pop, but people really missed Shane McMahon. He used that goodwill to lose to The Undertaker at WrestleMania which means he would not be able to take over Raw, but much like a parent whose kid didn't get into an Ivy League school, Vince McMahon gave him the cool present anyway to help out with his self-esteem.

He's been in many stupid things that I would like to forget, but him somehow beating up Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens and just being the most badass guy on the show is not the best look for the spoiled son of the boss. Needless to say, nobody misses Shane McMahon anymore.

Currently, he is in a tag team with The Miz where they immediately beat Sheamus and Cesaro. Oh God, I just remembered that he inserted himself into the Best in the World tournament after the Finals had already started. Oh wow, that was some stupid shit, yet still not as stupid as him beating my two favorite wrestlers Sami Zayn and Cesaro in his last two feuds. God, they couldn't come up with a better plan for me to hate someone than give this push to Shane McMahon.

So how to "fix" Shane McMahon? Let his old sweaty ass finally get some comeuppance. I mean, it's a pretty easy story to sell. Shane McMahon is the boss. Who the fuck cheers for the boss? Who sees a beaten down employee finally rise up to take on his boss and cheers for the boss to beat him back down? Have Shane McMahon not only lose but get his ass kicked. Shit, don't just let The Miz beat his ass. Have Miz's Dad beat his ass. Have a tag team match where the Mizanins beat the ever living shit out of the McMahons. That is a good use of Shane McMahon.

After that, have Kevin Owens powerbomb him onto the apron of the ring and have him out for a year. When he comes back, he can attack Sami Zayn from behind, and Sami Zayn laughs as Shane McMahon delivers the worst punches in wrestling, and then beats the ever living shit out of him. Then have Cesaro do this to him.

And if they can't do that, just get his sweaty ass off television; it's seriously uncomfortable to watch.

Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Alicia Fox
Andrade "Cien" Almas
Apollo Crews
Bayley
Big E
Bobby Lashley
Bobby Roode
Charlotte Flair
Curt Hawkins
Dana Brooke
Dash Wilder
Ember Moon
Goldust
Jey Uso
Jimmy Uso
Jinder Mahal
Kane
Karl Anderson
Killian Dain
Kofi Kingston
Luke Gallows
Mickie James
Mojo Rawley
Nia Jax
Peyton Royce
Randy Orton
Scott Dawson
Shinsuke Nakamura
Tyler Breeze
Zack Ryder

6 Things That Stood Out About the WWE Draft

The WWE Brand Split Draft happened last night, and, like any draft, these things cannot happen without controversy. I wanted to highlight what stood out for me, while making my case to be Smackdown's Assistant GM.

1. Seth Rollins Goes #1
This is the correct choice for the first overall draft pick. He went number one in Jonah's and my WWE Fantasy Draft, and there's really not anybody that should have been taken ahead of him. At least they didn't mess this part up.

2. Finn Balor and American Alpha Are Drafted into Stardom
We basically knew these were coming as why else would you have Balor take a couple of losses in the last few weeks and have American Alpha ever lose? This was the reason, and they are no worse off for taking those losses. They immediately get drafted as big deals, and it'll be interesting to see how they try to progress their careers now that they've made it to the big show.

3. The Other NXT Picks
This was a travesty. Let's start off with a caveat that champions were not eligible for the draft, so Samoa Joe, The Revival, and Asuka are all off the board. Still, these were their picks? I have no issue with any of the three ladies taken, as I actually think they are all very good, but I have also watched all of them get a ton better in the last few months, and I'd way rather see them continue to get better for the next few months. Oh, and the fact that we're supposed to believe that Shane and Daniel Bryan sat in a room together, decided they needed an NXT female with the last pick of the draft, and had the following conversation:

Shane: Let's go with Carmella.
Daniel: What about Bayley?
Shane: You mean Billie? Billie Kay? I don't think she's ready. 
Daniel: No, Bayley.
Shane: Wait, it's Bayley Kay? 
Daniel: No, just Bayley.
Shane: Oh, so she dropped half her name, like Antonio Cesaro. Well, that changes things, but I'm still going with Carmella.
Daniel: God damnit.

Okay, now that I typed it out, I could totally have seen that happening. Now imagine the same conversation happening but instead Shane goes with Mojo Rawley while discounting Shinsuke Nakamura for not being hype enough.

4. WWE and Black Superstars
Remember when Apollo Crews was heralded as the guy who could change WWE's inability to promote black superstars to headlining positions within the company? I remember that. The WWE definitely does not remember that. Apollo Crews is phenomenal in the ring, and I feel like people forget how good he is, because he has no character development outside of a nice smile. He could be something, and the brand split should theoretically help a guy like this out, but the WWE hasn't given us much reason to have faith in their promotion of black superstars, so I'm not going to hold my breath.

5. A Missed Opportunity
Wouldn't it have been great to see Raw as the established superstars side of things, and Smackdown just oozing with straight wrestling. It's not like Raw has to be completely depleted of wrestlers. I know of a simple trade that could benefit both sides (it would greatly help Smackdown)

Smackdown trades John Cena and Randy Orton to Raw.
Raw trades Sami Zayn, Cesaro, and Neville to Smackdown.

Who says no to that? Because right now, I don't have a whole lot of reason to tune in to Smackdown. It's American Alpha, seeing if WWE wants to push Dolph Ziggler after taking a few years off, and the whether Mojo Rawley can stay hyped. That third reason was a joke, because my other option was going to be the WWE figuring out how to push Apollo Crews, but that seemed like more of a joke.

Basically, if trades are allowed, I demand the position of Assistant General Manager on Smackdown. DB, I know you're reading this, so just imagine me as your Jonah Hill, and you, my Brad Pitt, as we Moneyball the shit out of the Raw roster.

6. Did Shane and Stephanie Shoot Draft These Rosters?
I know that Shane is super beloved and everything, but are we sure he doesn't have the opinions of his father? Like, he hasn't been around for a while, and there is a pretty good chance that his wrestling tastes have not evolved in the last decade. And Stephanie, although hated onscreen, has watched NXT blossom thanks to guidance from her husband, so maybe she has a better grasp of where wrestling is going, as opposed to where it's been. Think about the simplistic justification that could have been used by Shane to make these picks:

Dean Ambrose - Champion
AJ Styles - Beat John Cena
John Cena - Is John Cena
Randy Orton - I remember him being really important the last time I was around.
Bray Wyatt - New Undertaker
Becky Lynch - Oh shit, they just got Sasha Banks.
The Miz - Intercontinental Champion
Natalya - Her Dad beat up my Dad (I'm assuming Shane does not understand the Hart family dynamics and thinks Bret is her Dad)
The Ascension - New Demolition
Alexa Bliss and Eva Marie - Hot

Are we positive that Shane didn't really make these picks and let Daniel Bryan have like 1 out of 10 picks where he could take Dolph Ziggler, American Alpha, and Apollo Crews? Also, doesn't this explain the biggest fall in the draft, Kevin Owens? Stephanie probably knew that Shane has the old school mentality that fat guys can't be important, so she locked up Sami Zayn early, knowing that she could grab Kevin Owens later on since Shane would never take a fat guy? You can tell me I'm wrong about this draft being a shoot, but you can't 100% convince me of it.

The Ultimate WWE Fantasy Draft - Part Two

With Smackdown moving to a live show on Tuesdays, there are plenty of rumors about an upcoming brand split for the WWE. Instead of waiting for the WWE to pull off a disappointing draft routine, the ultimate tag team, Lukewarm Jonah and Hott Joe, came together this past week to have an old fashioned WWE Fantasy Draft. Our goal is to create the best possible roster to create a successful, moneymaking product.

Some things to know before we get started is that you draft guys for what they are likely to do in the future. The Rock is in this draft, but you don't get to draft him as a full-time wrestler, but he can be used 1-2 times a year to talk for a half hour and boost ratings. Another thing is that wrestlers automatically got their managers with them, so Miz comes with Maryse. Also, tag teams must be taken in pairs, and they must be taken with the first of your two back-to-back picks since we did a snake draft. For New Day, they would take up the person's next three picks, but they would stay together. And to create this list, we used the list of WWE personnel on Wikipedia, so our main roster included 118 picks. And that does not include NXT Superstars (Supplemental Draft) or Mr. McMahon, who is ominpresent for our purposes.

Since Jonah is a true gentleman, he offered me the first pick, and from there, we will have two picks each through the rest of the draft. We did part one yesterday, so let's move onto part two where everybody is still relevant.

40-41. Joe selects Emma and Shane McMahon
Outside of Sasha Banks, I think Emma is my favorite Diva. I think Becky Lynch and Paige get more credit as wrestlers, but Emma has had nothing but good to great matches down in NXT, so if you pair her with top talent, she can deliver top matches. I also added Shane McMahon, because people love Shane McMahon.

42-43. Jonah selects Jack Swagger and William Regal.
Emma is awesome, and she would have been my pick here, but I obviously disagree and think that Lynch and Paige are both better.  Jack Swagger is a wrestler who they just booked into absolute jobberdom.  He was a world champion early, then was booked into oblivion.  What people forget is that it took maybe a month or two to reestablish him as a top wrestler and he fought for the World Title at Wrestlemania after losing every match for years.  He’s a great technical wrestler, has a great look, he’s at worst a midcarder.  William Regal counteracts Shane McMahon as my authority figure.  Regal is also beloved by all and won’t be leaving anytime soon to buy companies or whatever the hell Shane does in his free time.  Also, I don’t care what your GM jumps off of, my GM can beat up your GM.

44-45. Joe selects Stephanie McMahon and Dana Brooke
And then I selected the counterparts of my previous round. Stephanie balances out Shane and gives Triple H his lady buddy. And Dana Brooke is best with Emma, even though she can also fill the role of helping out Charlotte. She also showed she can put on fun matches when she went up against Asuka.

46-47. Jonah selects Tyler Breeze and Natalya
Joe probably could have waited 10 more rounds to select Stephanie.  I don’t want that poison on my show.  She’s over but she doesn’t ever use that to put anyone else over.  She beats regular female wrestlers, she smacks down male wrestlers, she has Triple Hitis to the max as no one can ever be cooler than her.  Enough hate on Joe’s pick, Breeze hasn’t even been on the main roster a year.  I’ve never seen him in a bad match and his promos in NXT were awesome.  The guy has it all besides needing to be a little taller or weigh a little more I guess.  He’s a new Rick Martel or even Shawn Michaels.  Yeah I went there.  Natalya is fine, I was just getting worried with Joe scooping up women’s wrestlers everywhere.  Natalya puts on great matches, but isn’t a great promo.  I’ll get her a manager and a gimmick that isn’t solely I’m related to Bret Hart.

48-49. Joe selects Undertaker and Zack Ryder
So I basically took every spectacle pick. Undertaker can be around for 1-2 months a year and will elevate whoever he faces at WrestleMania. I'm not an Undertaker guy, but the more I think about the pick, the more I like it. Also, I took Zack Ryder, because Woo Woo Woo, You Know It!

50-51. Jonah selects Fandango and Nikki Bella
By 1-2 months, I assume Joe means 1-2 shows.  Fandango is another talent that has been criminally underused.  Great look, got over with possibly the stupidest gimmick ever, and is a talented wrestler and full of charisma.  I let Johnny Curtis get weird and I think he becomes a legitimate star.  Nikki Bella, the lioness of the women’s division.  Not anywhere near the new NXT wrestlers in terms of skill, but much better than she is given credit for.  Super over, helps add depth to the women’s division, I mean she’s the longest reigning champ in history.

52-53. Joe selects The Vaudevillains
I have another fun tag team, and if I can get Aiden English to sing more, they could get a big time push. They're both really good wrestlers, and they are dependable to put on good matches, so it's always good to add this sort of talented depth.

54-55. Jonah selects The Dudley Boyz
I counter Joe’s selection of a good young tag team with the selection of a good old tag team.  The Dudley Boyz can still be presented as a legitimate tag team.  They don’t have to be booked into oblivion.  Bubba has also shown that he can be a legitimate main event singles wrestler.  That leaves D-Von in the dust, but I think they still have a few good years left in them.

56-57. Joe selects Tyson Kidd and Bo Dallas
Don't forget how great Tyson Kidd and Cesaro were before he got hurt. And adding another super worker is never a bad idea as long as he can come back from an incredibly serious injury. Also, don't stop BO-lieving.

58-59. Jonah selects Erick Rowan and Naomi
Again I had to leave Tyson Kidd for Joe so he could properly take care of Cesaro.  Erick Rowan isn’t great in the ring, but he’s not terrible.  He’s got the size and the look and can be hidden with Wyatt just like Strowman.  He was actually over when he fought against the Authority at that Survivor Series, but they followed that up by jobbing him out to the Big Show which shockingly didn’t turn him into a star.  Naomi is lost in the diva’s revolution, but is still capable of putting on good matches and being a legitimate title contender and doing some cool athletic moves in the ring.

60-61. Joe selects Summer Rae and Heath Slater
I'm one of Summer Rae's biggest fans, and I think she has enough potential to be a great asset for the women's division. Also, Heath Slater is the perfect job guy to throw out there and just let people be dominant.

62-63. Jonah selects Darren Young with Bob Backlund and Alicia Fox
Darren Young will be taking no days off with Bob Backlund.  He’s got a great look and has been good in the ring as well.  Whether he has a singles run, or reunites the Prime Time Players, he’s a valuable asset.  Alicia Fox may be the most underrated diva out there.  Her axe kick is awesome, and her bridging suplex is a thing of beauty.  She will provide quality matches with basically anyone in the division.

64-65. Joe selects Curtis Axel and Mark Henry
I didn't set out to get all of the (remaining) Social Outcasts, but it happened, and I'm good with that. They can fill a role. I don't see Mark Henry ever returning to Hall of Pain level but it's never a bad idea to add a Big Hoss to the team.

66-67. Jonah selects Sin Cara and R-Truth
Sin Cara does fun flippy moves and wears a cool mask.  Again, that’s just a marketable combination.  He can team with Kalisto or they can go their own way in singles action.  Either way the kids will love them.  Speaking of wrestlers the kids love, here comes R-Truth.  He’s stuck in a comedy gimmick, but he’s played that gimmick excellently.  He’s provided some of the legitimately funny moments in the past few years and is a name and an entertainer.

68-69. Joe selects Mauro Ranallo and Corey Graves
It is now the time where announcers have more value than the remaining wrestlers. Mauro Ranallo is an expert play-by-play guy, and Corey Graves has shown himself to be a fantastic color guy. He actually has reasons why he likes and hates guys and sticks with those feelings as opposed to switching back and forth with no reasoning. This is an ideal combo that will actually make people watch my show with the sound on.

70-71. Jonah selects Booker T and Renee Young
Joe gets the scoop on announcers.  I always found Booker T was an entertaining commentator that actually provided insight.  Renee Young is just plain awesome.  I’d like to try her out as a commentator, but if that doesn’t work then at least I’ve got the best interviewer on my show.

72-73. Joe selects Eva Marie and Ryback
Finally, we can get that Eva Marie/Sasha Banks IronWoman match that we've all been waiting for. Since everyone seems to hate Eva Marie, she could be one hell of a heel manager. And if you want her to be a wrestler, she could be a prettier, less talented Heath Slater to help my women get some squash matches under their belt. Ryback may be done with wrestling, or he may read an inspirational book and come back better than ever.

74-75. Jonah selects The Usos
To repeat what I said when I made this pick, ugggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh.  I really don’t like the Usos, but the value was far too great here.  Former tag team champions getting picked after Eva Marie is a smart move.  If they continue to suck and piss me off at the very least they can put over every other team.  Oh and since Roman Reigns is on my roster I’m instituting a restraining order between them.

76-77. Joe selects Goldust and Cathy Kelley
Remember when Goldust got in a meaningful angle against The Shield a few years ago and he was doing the best wrestling of his career? Well, maybe if we can find something meaningful for him, and reignite that fire. Also, Cathy Kelley is basically a younger, brunette Renee Young, so she'll do just fine for backstage interviews.

78-79. Jonah selects Michael Cole and Tamina
Michael Cole is the voice of the WWE.  He has actually become a decent commentator even though he can still be pretty annoying he delivers the news straightforward and respectable.  His interview show is also pretty entertaining as well, so some combination of him, Booker T and Renee Young will make for a good commentary/interview team.

The 10 Best Things In The WWE: April 2016

As the old saying goes, April showers bring May Flowers. In the WWE, the saying goes, April Shaners bring May Kaners. That's right, Shane O'Mac is going to bring back Kane to keep him in power for April. Did I come up with this opening very late at night while needing to get some sleep? You betcha, but April had WrestleMania, and the most debuts ever. It's been crazy, and this will definitely be the most competitive month that we have had in 2016.

Honorable Mention: Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson, The Vaudevillains, The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Stardust, Apollo Crews, Charlotte, Becky Lynch, Sasha Banks, and New Day. Yeah, this month was so stacked that I couldn't include The New Day. That's insane, but it was partially helped by them taking the month off. Now onto the top 10.

10. Zack Ryder (Last Month: Uh, was he even employed?)
Let us never forget his Intercontinental Title reign. It was a great moment. Scott Hall held his belt, and we learned that Ryder overcame cancer as a child. Zack Ryder is great. Woo Woo Woo, You Know It!

9. Shane McMahon (Last Month: 10)
He went through a dang table. Yeah, the rest of his match was garbage. But still, that table spot made me ill to my stomach watching him on top of the cage. That's good work right there.

8. Baron Corbin (Last Month: Feuding with midgets)
It was always just a matter of time for Baron Corbin, as the guy really started to get it once he became a heel, and he was already blessed with a frame that the WWE loves. He made an impact with his debut, winning the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal. Now he's feuding with Dolph Ziggler which is just about the best possible feud for both guys. It doesn't matter who wins, because both guys will look good for being involved in it.

7. The Miz (Last Month: Bring back Mizdow)
So we have the most stacked month of WWE greatness, and still, The Miz makes the list? Yes, and deservedly so as The Miz has quietly been kind of excellent lately. His in-ring stuff is only solid, but they're accentuating what he does well. In a ladder match, he can pop up for short periods, hit a big spot and disappear for a while, and now he just does talking where he tricks poor Zack Ryder to take the title and is a total shitheel which is perfect as everyone wants to see Cesaro annihilate him from this Earth. On top of that, Maryse is a great addition for The Miz, as him having his wife accompany him is somehow an awful heel move when done by Miz. Just a great month for him.

6. Chris Jericho (Last Month: 6) 
Bad Jericho is back, which is great for business. Let's face it, Jericho was always best as a heel, and lately, he hasn't really found a good niche as a good guy or bad guy. But he's finally found that niche as a heel who hates guys who were beloved on the independents, and it looks like he's having a lot of fun with it, so it's been fun for everybody. Jericho is still putting on great matches, and his character work has been great lately. He'll probably be gone soon, so take a moment to enjoy how great of a professional wrestler Chris Jericho is.

5. AJ Styles (Last Month: 7)
Styles has quickly adjusted to the WWE style, and he might even win a World Title in a couple days. He keeps putting on fun matches, and he has the whole crowd behind him. Is he great at speaking? No, but he doesn't have to be to still be great.

4. Cesaro (Last Month: Probably saving the world with his freakish strength)
Cesaro is another guy who doesn't have to be great at speaking to still be great, but pairing him with The Miz is a really good call. Cesaro could wrestle a broomstick and get a great match out of it, so that's never an issue, but since The Miz is such a nerd, it's easy for Cesaro to play the cool guy. Suitsaro is a character I can definitely get fully behind (almost as great as US Champion Cesaro who loved the USA but hated Americans). But Cesaro's the greatest. He should never lose, ever, and we should enjoy every day that we get to share the Earth with him.

Oh, and how awful was it that the day before Cesaro debuted his ripaway suit, The Rock ripped away his clothes to reveal his wrestling gear underneath? Damnit, Rock, you somehow unintentionally buried someone almost as well as you intentionally do it.

3. Kevin Owens (Last Month: 1)
Kevin Owens continues to be great. He was a central part of that incredible ladder match at Mania, and he has continued to be great with every interaction he has. Finally, he gets to face Sami Zayn, and, well...let's just get to the next guy.

2. Sami Zayn (Last Month: 8)
I have made no efforts to hide my love for Sami Zayn. He's wonderful, and it's great to see him on the main roster. He has fought back to take on his arch nemesis, so this is finally time for his revenge. So we all know what's going to happen? Yeah, Sami is losing. He has to lose; that's what Sami Zayn does. He makes us care and loses, and somehow we never stop caring, because, man, do we want the best for Sami. He's put on nothing but fun matches since he got moved up, and that's not going to stop anytime soon.

1. Enzo and Cass (Last Month: Realest guys in the room, now realest guys in largest room)
Enzo has been the hottest of fire on the microphone since getting promoted. They could not have done any better with any second of the opportunity that they have been given. They didn't even wrestle on the biggest card of the year this month, and they still take the top spot, and I must say that it has a lot to do with Enzo having maybe the best one-liner of the last decade, "We're like A cups, because we're real, whether you like us or not." I don't even have the words to describe how perfect that line is. Bless you, Enzo and Cass. You are the realest guys in the room.

How you doin.

Breaking Down The Betting Odds For WrestleMania 32

It’s the most wonderful time of the year as I, Lukewarm Jonah, make a surprise return to tag team with Hott Joe and dole out WrestleMania betting advice.  According to Suze Orman, this is the year to get rich off betting on predetermined outcomes, so let’s get going.

Streetfight:
Brock Lesnar 4/9
Dean Ambrose 9/4

Jonah: Let’s start it out with a good old fashioned streetfight.  “Crazy” Dean Ambrose taking on “Man built specifically for hand to hand combat” Brock Lesnar.  I’ll be honest, I’ve been going back and forth on who is going to win this match.  It makes sense to have Ambrose win and really elevate him to the main event scene.  It also makes sense to have Lesnar win because he’s Brock Lesnar.  I’m taking the favorite Lesnar here, with the old “Ambrose looks strong in defeat”.  I guess go for a Bret Hart/Steve Austin type finish where Ambrose won’t quit but the ref stops it.

Joe: So, it's a Street Fight? Anytime I hear that term, I always think back to the Road Warriors challenging Lex Luger and Sting to a Chicago Street Fight. Luger accepted the challenge and then asked Sting, "What's a Chicago Street Fight?" Lex Luger was a really great heel before the nWo showed up. Anyway, what were we talking about? Oh yeah, Ambrose and Lesnar. I'm going to take Lesnar as he's kind of reached the level that you should always bet on him, because it makes no sense for him to ever lose.

Team BAD and Blonde vs. Total Divas
Team BAD and Blonde +340
Team Total Divas -400

Jonah: It’s a thrilling preshow match with women who don’t like each other for some reason.  In the buildup to this match I thought Team BAD and Blonde would win and I’m sticking with that prediction even though they’re underdogs.  Lana was the featured diva in this buildup so I think her team wins with her getting the pinfall.

Joe: You're wrong, dude, and I'll fight you about it. How dare you think Team Total Divas are going down. With Daniel Bryan, John Cena, one of the Usos, the guy with no body hair, and the big goofball on their side, there's no way these ladies lose. I'll take Eva Marie by pinfall over Lana with interference from Jeremy (I assume one of the dudes on Total Divas name's is Jeremy).

Chris Jericho vs. AJ Styles
Chris Jericho -105
AJ Styles -135

Jonah: Very surprised that this match is a pick em.  I’ve got to go with AJ Styles.  Styles has come in with a bang.  He’s over with the crowd and is putting on fantastic matches.  They’ve got a main eventer here if they don’t blow it.  Jericho has been really good in his most recent run, but he has no problem putting guys over and Styles is the smart safe pick here.

Joe: This version of Jericho is the best he's been in at least half a decade. The WWE finally found a good match with him, a true face that the fans love that can go out and have good matches. Jericho has always been entertaining in the ring, but he is somebody who could use a good counterpart. Still, I'm with you on this one. Crazy that this is a pick em, I mean, you've got to think that AJ Styles is due for his Fandango-level WrestleMania moment.

Women’s Championship Match:
Charlotte 7/4
Sasha Banks 1/2
Becky Lynch 7/1

Jonah: Joe and I have already talked a bit about this match, and it’s no surprise that the heavy favorite here is Banks.  She’s phenomenal in the ring, phenomenal at promos, and even has our favorite entrance music.  Whenever I’m feeling down, I just put that song on repeat and remember that I’m a boss.  The shock here is that Lynch is a 7/1 dog.  In my opinion, she’s the second most likely winner, I think there’s a much better chance of her winning than Charlotte retaining.  The evil heel who cheats to win will finally get her comeuppance on the biggest stage of them all and one of her Horsewomen running mates will be victorious.  I’m torn, I do think Banks will win, but there’s always some surprises at Mania and 7/1 are such sweet odds.  I’ll be boring and take Banks winning by theme song domination.

Joe: And I'm going with Charlotte retaining. If it was one-on-one with Sasha Banks, I would definitely take Sasha. But with the triple threat, Charlotte can beat Becky (likely by nefarious means) and brag about how great she is. And this sets up Bayley finally joining the main roster. She can lose her title to Asuka on Friday night, and then there is really no reason for her to be in NXT. She could debut at the following night's Raw, or she could even debut at Mania to make a save (I could see Becky turning heel and joining Charlotte if that were the case). There are lots of options, but almost all of them involve Charlotte retaining her title. Guess what? I had a change of heart. I'm picking Sasha to take the title. With rumors of a Women's Title replacing the Divas Championship, they need a new champion, and they could still do all of that Bayley debut thing with Sasha, but more as a badass face (Sasha) vs. beloved face (Bayley) confrontation on Monday's Raw.

US Title Match
Kalisto -140
Ryback +125

Jonah: The US Title match is close to a pick em, with Kalisto being a slight favorite.  This means you just need to pick whoever you think is going to win this match.  I’m going with Kalisto.  The WWE used to have a little guy who wore a mask and did cool moves.  It worked out really well for them before.  Ryback now has done a random heel turn that no one cares about as well.  Look out Kane and Big Show, there’s a new big guy who randomly turns face and heel.

Joe: I kind of like the idea of an entitled Ryback winning the title, because he "looks" like a champion. He's actually been kind of good in this role in that he's not mean, it's just the way that it is. Ryback wins after reading the entirety of The Secret and Kalisto falls asleep like a little baby and gets pinned.

Hell In A Cell For Control of Monday Night Raw:
The Undertaker 8/11
Shane McMahon 9/4

Jonah: This is my favorite match of the evening.  I mean look how many words it took me just to write out what was going on in this match.  It’s also my favorite match for making money.  I’m on Team Shane O’ Mac 100%.  I was shocked when I looked at the odds and saw he was an underdog.  I mean the only logical way for the story to progress is to have Shane win and take control of Raw.  He’s also got some secret to tell that he hasn’t spilled the beans on yet.  Shane wins via interference from Dolph Ziggler or Sting or Roadblock or someone and you get paid out at better than 2/1 on your money.  Here Comes The Money indeed.

Joe: I'm taking Shane as well, but I see a different ending. I think the logical move here is that Shane throws everything he has at the Undertaker, but he gets hit with the tombstone. As Vince celebrates and yells at Taker to pin him, Taker pauses, incensing Vince. Then Taker does the honorable wrestler thing and goes out on his back. Vince announced this would be his last match, so Taker goes out on his back, pulls an unconscious Shane over him to screw over Vince and give Shane control of Monday Night Raw.

How Is This Match Happening, Let Alone on WrestleMania?
The Usos 2/5
The Dudley Boys 7/4

Jonah: So, what an underwhelming match we have here.  I mean I guess the Usos are favorites because the bad guys have been getting the upper hand the whole feud.  They’ve been around for awhile, but the crowd is just so apathetic towards them.  I’m going upset Dudley Boys here, but the real question is, who cares?

Joe: I care. The Dudley Boys won a bunch of tag titles when I wasn't watching wrestling, and The Usos are fine, like I don't really get why they are any more popular than The Ascension, but they're fine. That is why this match is so important. It is a match. Oh, wait, I guess you're right. I don't care either. I'll pick The Usos to win with help from the entire cast of Total Divas (outside of the important people like Cena and Daniel Bryan).

The Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal:
Braun Strowman 4/5
Bray Wyatt 5/1
Kane 13/2
Mark Henry 8/1
Randy Orton 8/1
Erick Rowan 25/1
Big Show 33/1
Samoa Joe 33/1
Bo Dallas 125/1
Curtis Axel 125/1
Damien Sandow 125/1
Fandango 125/1
Goldust 125/1
Heath Slater 125/1
Jack Swagger 125/1
R-Truth 125/1
Tyler Breeze 125/1

Jonah: So remember two years ago when this match started?  It was treated like a huge deal.  Now, it’s a preshow match.  It’s the Royal Rumble, but without any of the excitement or interest.  Anyways, I was hoping Strowman would be longer odds because he’s been protected really well and seems like a great guy to have win the battle royal and make himself important.  But I’m not picking the favorite in a match like this.  Samoa Joe is an interesting inclusion at 33/1, but I’m going longer odds.  I am legitimately picking Jack Swagger.  He’s been winning more, he and Mark Henry won a multi team match to be in the Royal Rumble and he was the face they chose to fight Chris Jericho in Canada.  It’s a great way to revamp a talented wrestler who isn’t very good on the mic, but still has a lot of years and is a good hand in the ring.  He’s probably one of five guys I’d pick to win the match and his odds are 125/1, I’ll take that all day.

Joe: I pick the same person to win this thing every year, and I don't see any reason to change now. Cesaro is scheduled to be on the European Tour that is right after WrestleMania, so he's either making a comeback at Mania or the next night on Raw. I think the next night on Raw is far more likely, but my heart will always pick Cesaro. Since he is off the board, and I'm supposed to help people win money, go with Tyler Breeze, because Breeze is fantastic and deserves to be treated as such (don't go with Tyler Breeze if you want to win money; go with Braun Strowman).

Tag Team Match:
The New Day 7/5
The League of Nations 1/2

Jonah: Wait a minute, The New Day are underdogs to the League of Booty?  Seriously?  I expected big odds the other way.  Honestly, I’m not sure why the odds are this way besides the fact that The League has lost so many times that maybe they’re due for a win?  But no, I’ll take the entertaining, charismatic group, over the half awesome half crap group any day.

Joe: Well, there are four of them. That should give them quite an advantage. I'm not sure what the end game is with this match. Like, who cares if League of Nations wins? Isn't that just a giant shrug from the crowd? And if New Day wins, we celebrate, but we don't actually care. This is a garbage match on paper, and there are a lot of fun guys in this match. I'm not going to just up and forget how much I love Rusev, but I can't really see any reason for New Day losing, so I'll go with the unicorns.

Intercontinental Title Ladder Match:
Kevin Owens 2/5
Sami Zayn 2/1
Dolph Ziggler 10/1
The Miz 25/1
Sin Cara 33/1
Zack Ryder 50/1
Stardust 50/1

Jonah: The dastardly heel who has been winning by the skin of his teeth is the overwhelming favorite?  Kevin Owens is a great character.  He’s a great wrestler.  He’s a surefire main eventer as long as they don’t screw it up, so it’s almost guaranteed that they’ll screw it up.  Anyways, I’m going with Dolph Ziggler.  I love Ziggler, but man they love to start and stop his pushes like crazy.  Still, Ziggler has a great chance of winning this match and he’s 10/1.  Too good of odds to pass up.  I do hope that Sin Cara, Zack Ryder, or Stardust somehow win the match, but that’s not very realistic.

Joe: If this were a one-on-one match between Owens and Zayn, then I would definitely be picking Sami Zayn to win the title. With everybody involved though, I do think Kevin Owens finds a way to retain. It only makes sense for Owens to retain, brag about it, but then get stuck in a one-on-one match with Sami Zayn where he finally loses the title.

World Heavyweight Championship Match:
Triple H 4/1
Roman Reigns 1/5

Jonah: Two years ago I made the mistake of betting against Cena when he was an underdog because it made sense in a storyline for him to lose.  Last year I made the mistake of betting against Triple H when he was an underdog because it made sense for him to lose.  I’m not making those mistakes again.  Against all wresting logic, against trying to get their own guy over, I’m going with Triple H.  If you don’t think that somewhere in Triple H’s mind he needs to go over at the largest attended WrestleMania in history then you have more faith in him than I do.  Maybe after he wins he’ll give him a condescending handshake and tell him “You did good kid” but Triple H somehow stands tall at the end of the night.  The other, much more likely scenario, is that Rollins comes down, Triple H thinks he’s going to help him win, but he takes Triple H out and The Shield reforms so that the crowd can cheer and go home happy and actually support Reigns.

Joe: Well, you stole my thunder with the surprise Seth Rollins appearance, but I do kind of expect that one to happen. There are a lot of rumors about him starting to work out in the ring, and I wouldn't be surprised if he was closer to coming back than people expect. Still, I don't really see the benefit of him helping either side at this point. So I'll predict that Roman Reigns wins, gets booed by the Mania crowd, and then gets attacked by Seth Rollins to huge cheers and everybody goes home happy.

Surprises You Can't Bet On:

Jonah: Dolph Ziggler will be involved in the Undertaker Shane McMahon match.  I think he’ll interfere on behalf of Shane, but it’s still possible he interferes on behalf of The Authority and turns heel.  Either way I think that makes him a good bet for the Intercontinental Title Match.  I’m also predicting appearances from Stone Cold Steve Austin and Shawn Michaels.  I mean it’s Texas after all.  Finally, my greatest prediction of all.  I believe GOP frontrunner, the possible next president of these United States, Donald Trump will make an appearance as well..

Joe: Although I mentioned an appearance from Cesaro, I'm really leaning towards that happening at Raw the next night. The return that I could see coming is the one I just mentioned with The Architect, Seth Rollins. Let's be real here; that main event match needs something to happen, and I think a Rollins run-in (back-to-back years) is just what it needs.

I'll also say that Sasha Banks is escorted to the ring by Snoop Dogg, and I think there is enough pomp and circumstance for her to have the best WrestleMania entrance this year (last year's winner was obviously Rusev on a tank).

My final prediction is that The Fabulous Freebirds attempt to show how not racist they are, but they do it in blackface, which ruins their intended purpose.

Happy WrestleMania everyone!

The 10 Best Things in the WWE: March 2016

This is all about positive, but just three months in, and the WWE is definitely challenging my patience. Absolutely nothing has happened in this last month, and still, I find myself incredibly excited for WrestleMania. They pull out all the stops for Mania, and when I look at the card, I do see great potential for every match on the card. I mean, even Ryback/Kalisto could be a lot of fun. For a reminder, here's how February looked, but now it's time to look at what happened in March.

1. Kevin Owens (Last Month: 4)
Owens worst nights are good, but man, when he is on, it is truly some incredible stuff he is pulling out. He's able to get good matches out of anybody, and his plan of having a triple threat of jobbers to get a shot at the Intercontinental Title was wonderful. Also, it brings up his poor history in ladder matches, as that is how he lost to Finn Balor for the NXT Championship. But this 7-way ladder match has me excited for everybody in this match (except for Sin Cara), and it's my pick for match of the night for WrestleMania.

2. Triple H (Last Month: Unranked)
I am a giant Triple H hater, you could even call me a HHHater, if you were so inclined. Still, he's had an important month. He took out Roman Reigns, had a nice feud with Dean Ambrose that ended in a really entertaining match. He had another entertaining match with Dolph Ziggler, and he's taken some Roman Reigns beatdowns along the way. Triple H has become a far more entertaining in-ring performer since he retired, and it's why I actually think the main event will be good, although I definitely think there are going to be some hijinks involved.

3. Dean Ambrose (Last Month: 7)
Ambrose has been on fire these last few months, and even though I have been down on him in the past, he's starting to make a believer out of me. He had a fun two-week feud with Triple H that further developed his character, not as a crazy person, but just as a tough dude who doesn't care about how much of a beating he's going to take. That sets up nicely for his feud with Brock Lesnar, where it is a street fight, and that actually adds a chance that he could beat Lesnar, especially as he has gotten help from hardcore legends the last few weeks. The only downside this month was his match with Braun Strowman, which was..not good.

4. Jonathan Coachman (Last Month: Unranked)
I am one of the world's biggest Coach marks. In fact, if you factor in my love for the 1990s sitcom starring Craig T. Nelson and Damon Wayans Jr.'s character on New Girl, I may be the biggest Coach mark. So yes, I was very excited to see Coach back on Raw, and yes, I also considered putting him at the top of this list, so consider putting him at 4 as me showing restraint.

5. The New Day (Last Month: 2)
I feel like the reason the New Day is this low is not that they have taken a step back, but our expectations have taken a step forward. There are rumblings of people getting tired of them, and I am not there yet. I still sit up and pay attention when they are doing something, but a 3 vs. 4 feud that doesn't seem to have any point outside of New Day becoming good guys just doesn't excite me in any way. And although it seems like it was months ago, I'm pretty sure they had their tag match against Jericho and Styles in the last month, and that was probably the best match this past month. New Day still rocks; their current feud though? Not so much.

6. Chris Jericho (Last Month: Unranked)
I am so happy that I can actually put Jericho on this list. I was a huge mark for Jericho growing up, but he has seemed to get less and less appealing every time he comes back. This most recent time he has found a good niche, and he's showing why he was so good for so long. The guy can still put on good matches, but with great character work, he can still be one of the most valuable assets the WWE has, even in a part-time role.

7. AJ Styles (Last Month: Unranked)
AJ Styles has been in a ton of good matches this month, and he's made a seamless transition to the WWE roster. Even though I'm enjoying this new version of Jericho, you already know that Styles has to win the feud, because Jericho is likely gone shortly after Mania. We'll see if he can take a step forward and get in a more prominent feud after that.

8. Sami Zayn (Last Month: Unranked)
I have made no secret of my love for Sami Zayn, but I still can't put him any higher than this for the month. I'm excited for what's going to happen, but I'm not necessarily excited with what has happened. Although Sami got a taste on Monday, so far he has just been chasing down Kevin Owens. Next month is when he likely catches him, and that's what I'm excited about.

9. Charlotte (Last Month: 8)
She has had some really good matches this past month, even having a really fun match with Natalya, someone who I usually do not care about at all. The thing that hurts the Divas division is that they have just drug things out and made them unnecessarily complicated. It's kind of the same thing everywhere, as they have to announce matches early enough to hype them for WrestleMania, but they struggle to keep things interesting in the weeks between the announcement and the match actually happening.

10. Shane McMahon (Last Month: 5) 
Makes the list for dropping that elbow on The Undertaker on Monday night. I'm still not really looking forward to the match, but I'm not dreading it as much as I thought I would be. That's a little thing called progress.

The 10 Best Things in the WWE: February 2016

Another month and more of the same from the WWE. I had a fascinating conversation with my brother after Fastlane. He enjoyed the PPV, where I could barely pay attention to anything outside of the main event. The reason behind this is that I watch Raw every week, and he hasn't watched Raw in months. The repetitive nature of just about every damn match on that card meant that nothing meant anything, but if it was fresh, it was probably pretty enjoyable (outside of the six-man tag, obviously). WWE has enough talent to have engaging storylines every week, but they don't give anything enough time to actually develop. They want immediate returns instead of planting the seeds for something great down the line, and that is why the product has been stale. But this is an article that celebrates what WWE does well, because it's too easy to do the opposite. Without further adieu, the 10 best things in the WWE for February 2016:

1. Brock Lesnar (Last Month: Unranked)
Anytime Brock Lesnar is on screen, I sit up and pay attention. Everything is brought to a higher level with his presence. He may not get the credit, but he might be the best professional wrestler ever. No, he's not the most technically skilled, but he could be wrestling anyone, and I would give it my full attention. I can't think of a single wrestler he wouldn't put on a great match with. Like, is anyone out there really saying they wouldn't LOVE to see him smash Hornswoggle? I'd probably get physically ill if he chose to destroy Bayley, but I'd watch, and deep down inside, a part of me would enjoy it. He not only put himself at the top of this list but also propelled the other guys in the match along with him.

2. The New Day (LM: 1)
The New Day still rocks, and even though they are likely on their way to becoming good guys, I'm still excited for their future. Feuding with The League of Nations would build some interest, because no other tag team is a viable matchup until American Alpha comes up and takes down everything in their path.

3. Roman Reigns (LM: 6)
It is very hard to be objective with Roman Reigns. Either you follow the WWE's lead and are convinced he is the super savior that this generation needs, or you're a smark who decides that WWE can't tell them who to like and only focus on what he doesn't do well. I'm somewhere in the middle, and closer to the former than the latter. Roman Reigns is fun to watch in his matches, and he continues to have really good matches on big stages. I'd rather appreciate what he does well than what he doesn't.

4. Kevin Owens (LM: 4)
He won back his Intercontinental Title in about the most meaningless way possible, and then he wrestled Dolph Ziggler for the 35th time this month. I still find him to be consistently entertaining, and I am hoping the WWE utilizes him to the full extent for WrestleMania.

5. Shane McMahon (LM: Unranked)
I was never a big Shane O'Mac fan. He's fine and definitely the best wrestler of the McMahons, but he was by no means a good wrestler, just someone willing to take bumps, which, admittedly, is more than I'm willing to do. And I can't say that I'm excited for his match at WrestleMania, because he's kind of old, and The Undertaker is even older. With all that being said, he made a hell of an impact in his first segment, and it did raise my interest in anything the McMahons are doing. I think the play here is that Shane McMahon puts up a good fight with Taker, and after Taker tombstones him 1-3 times, Taker lies on his back and drags Shane over him to purposely lose. That's the way you have to play this, right?

6. Sasha Banks (LM: 2)
She's still great. She'll put on an entertaining match with Becky Lynch next month before moving on to face Charlotte at WrestleMania. They may actually keep my interest in a two-month build, as Sasha was continually building towards things with her feud with Team BAD, followed by taking on Becky Lynch to prep for a match for the title. That is nice work.

7. Dean Ambrose (LM: 7)
Dean Ambrose vs. Brock Lesnar actually has me excited. Sure, it's more for the latter than the former, but still, I'm excited. Ambrose has been on fire these past two months where his wackiness hasn't just been stupidity, but he's more of a crazy person who won't quit. I could get behind that. Still, we'll keep him around here and stay cautiously optimistic.

8. Charlotte Flair (LM: 9)
Sure, she's no Sasha Banks, but she is an effective women's champion. She is the biggest, strongest, most athletic Diva they have, so it's very easy for her to be disliked. Her speaking is a little rough, but she still has the highest potential to do something insane with her athleticism, and she continues to be solid. This is good.

9. Bo Dallas (LM: 5, as member of Social Outcasts)
Bo Dallas breaks into his own this month, as he is always the highlight of the Social Outcasts. Sure, what they're doing is still essentially meaningless, but it's worth paying attention to which gives him an advantage over most of the roster.

10. Dolph Ziggler (LM: 8)
The WWE is bound and determined to make me less and less excited about Dolph Ziggler, but I'm not ready to quit him yet. He had some really good matches with Kevin Owens, but it just wore me down seeing it every week.

And that wraps up this month. Falling off the list is Rusev (LM: 3) who didn't do anything of note, and Sami Zayn (LM: 10) who disappeared after his Royal Rumble appearance.