I Went To A Free Pro Wrestling Show In Florida

Coming from the Midwest, the best thing about Florida is probably the weather. I hate the cold, so being rid of it is a very nice feeling. The second best thing about living in Florida is that is a great state for pro wrestling fans. NXT has their tapings near Orlando, and they have house shows throughout the state, so it's pretty easy to see great wrestling for $10. Despite the great value that NXT provides, this weekend, I found an even better value as there was a free pro wrestling show in Tampa this past weekend.

It was something called Ring Warriors, and although I had never heard of them, they totally exceeded my expectations. It was a taping, as the ring announcer stated that they air in multiple countries worldwide. Good luck finding out what those countries are/if they exist, as their webpage isn't exactly chock full of information.

Still, they had a solid setup with professional video cameras and everything. As for the talent, I would call it a mixed bag. There were a lot of guys that were just your run-of-the-mill independent wrestlers who were sometimes quite old, often out of shape, and fine at best in the ring. But mixed in were actually guys who I had heard of like Sonjay Dutt, Michael Tarver, and Wes Brisco. Sure, those aren't big names, but those are guys who had runs in WWE and TNA respectively. Still, the best wrestler there was just hanging out as Ring of Honor Champion, Jay Lethal was taking pictures with fans. As for the biggest star who wrestled, that would be Simply Tremendous Dude, better known as STD, best known as Mosh from The Headbangers. I'll admit, I got pretty pumped when I recognized him, but then he got beat in like three minutes, so I don't think he'll be getting that Ring Warriors title push anytime soon.

The biggest highlight of the night was being seated next to one of the wrestler's fiancee. She was super drunk and could barely string thoughts together. The one thing that she made clear is that she was shocked that my wife and I were in attendance despite not knowing any of the wrestlers personally. That probably says more about me than it says about her, but shit dog, it's free pro wrestling; it's not like I needed a hookup for tickets. Her shining moment came later in the night as she repeatedly put her hand on my knee. It was some super drunken awkwardness, and shortly thereafter, her friends escorted her out of the building.

The biggest wrestling highlight was Maxwell Chicago. For a reference point, this is Maxwell Chicago:

Mr. Chicago had to face off against some really fat dude, who managed to have maybe the worst in-ring interview in history. It went something like this.

Interviewer: Maxwell Chicago has challenged you to a match. Do you accept his challenge.
Fat Dude: (Long Pause) Man, what do you think?

And scene. That was seriously it. Then Chicago came down, tried to cheap shot the guy, and fat dude just started crushing him. Finally Maxwell Chicago tried to mount a comeback by punching him in the gut with the limpest punches you have ever seen. It was the stuff of six-year-old girls, but it was entertaining. The part where I laughed way too hard was where Maxwell Chicago got the ref distracted and then nailed fat dude with a low blow. This low blow inexplicably knocked the fat dude into a state of unconsciousness, and Chicago got the win. I'm usually a cheer for the good guys, boo for the bad guys at small shows, but that deserved a cheer in my opinion, wrestling tropes be damned.

This free pro wrestling event was scheduled for three hours, but unfortunately, we only made it through a little over two hours, as we learned one incredibly valuable lesson: If you're putting on a free pro wrestling show, you don't exactly get the best smelling people in attendance. I would say 50% of the smell can be attributed to people smelling like their cigarettes after a smoke break, but the other 50% was just some good ol' fashioned BO. My wife has the nose of a bloodhound (in her smelling abilities, not literally; otherwise, that would have been a really weird plastic surgery procedure), so she's very sensitive to smells, and since we had definitely had our money's worth, we decided to call it a night.

 I'll probably never know whether Sonjay Dutt won the Hiro Matsuda Invitational or, more importantly, whether the fat dude recovered from the low blow to pass his concussion tests.

Another Date Night Watching WWE NXT

It had been a while since I had treated my wife to a wonderful evening of watching pro wrestling, so it was time for us to go to another NXT house show. Tickets are $10 for general admission, so it is an incredible deal, especially considering that general admission means rows 3-5. Also, even though my wife doesn't really care about professional wrestling, she enjoys watching me, as I do morph into a 12-year-old who has a permanent smile on my face while watching live wrestling. I'm lucky to have found someone who finds it cute and charming instead of sad and pathetic.

Let me just start by saying that I failed yet again to get a picture with Norman Smiley. I truly suck at this, as I saw him out of the corner of my eye as he was walking by and I was giving my ID to get my tickets. I should have just stopped what I was doing to achieve the goal, but I froze, and I never got another chance to express my gratitude to the man who invented the Big Wiggle. I suck, and I must find a way to make this happen.

As for other former superstars there, nobody of note...oh, except Mick Foley was randomly there simply as a spectator. He just sat in the front row by the entrance and watched the whole event. He did nothing during the event and was simply there to watch these guys wrestle.

But let's get to the wrestling with a quick match by match recap.

Anna Brock vs. Bailey
I had never seen Anna Brock before, but she's got some guns on her, and she flexes them a lot. Like that may be the extent of her gimmick, check out my muscular arms. Considering she must be fairly new, it's not too bad of a gimmick, because she does have the arms to pull it off. Bailey was Bailey, who was pretty solid and won the match with a Belly-to-Bailey suplex.

Chad Gable vs. Solomon Crowe
Chad Gable is fairly new, but he has some potential as a legit wrestler who can incorporate that into his pro wrestling. He was fairly entertaining, but the biggest takeaway from this match was that Crowe got rid of his really shitty splash finisher in favor of a submission.

Steve Cutler vs. Baron Corbin
Steve Cutler is a military guy, so you would think he was the good guy, but he came out to metal music, and posed more as a bad guy. He was kind of Lance Storm-esque in persona, but he ain't there with in-ring skills. Baron Corbin took a little offense before powering up and ragdolling Cutler.

Big Cass and Carmella vs. Marcus Louis and Devin Taylor
This was my wife's favorite match, as she was a huge Carmella fan and Devin Taylor lasted one episode on this year's Bachelor. The latter makes sense, but the former really confused me. But my wife is all in on Carmella and also likes Big Cass and Enzo Amore as they have fun sayings and they were 100% over with the crowd. From a personal standpoint, this was the moment where it hit me how gigantic wrestlers are. Marcus Louis is an above average sized wrestler, but he's not considered huge, but he was standing in the corner near where we were sitting, and let me tell you, that dude is huge. He is a massive human being, and sometimes people forget how big wrestlers are, even the guys who aren't considered that big. Unfortunately Taylor and Louis were S-A-W-F-T, SAWFT.

Ty Dillinger vs. Hugo Knox
Ty Dillinger has a new gimmick where he comes out after matches and rates them on a scale of 1-10. He considers himself a perfect 10. Who is Hugo Knox? Hugo Knox is probably my new favorite wrestler. He is a Manchester, England club dancer who has stupid tattoos, polka dot trunks and LOVES to West Coast Dance. Is he good in the ring? No, not really. But the more important question is whether he is totally awesome, and the answer to that one is a definitive yes. Dude danced so hard. He won the match and danced some more. I cannot wait for Hugo Knox to debut on television.

Mike Rallis vs. Bull Dempsey
Who is Mike Rallis? Not sure, honestly. Who is Bull Dempsey? A fat guy with a mean streak. This match happened. It wasn't terrible, but outside of Dempsey hitting his flying headbutt, nothing memorable happened.

Alexa Bliss Vs. Becky Lynch
I remember this being one of my favorite matches of the night. It was a good back and forth match with some of the few rare finishes that I was actually buying. Becky Lynch got the win, because poor Alexa can't get wins on sparkles alone.

CJ Parker vs. Hideo Itami
CJ Parker is who he is. He's fine in the ring; his gimmick is mildly entertaining, and he's basically in the same place he was two years ago. Hideo Itami was a guy who came in with a lot of hype due to being one of the biggest stars in Japan, but he hasn't really been all that impressive so far from what I saw on NXT. That being said, Hideo Itami is AWESOME in person. His style was really cool to see up close, and I finally get why people were so excited about him. Eventually, he is going to start using the GTS, and people are going to freak out. Needless to say, I am fully on board the Hideo Itami bandwagon.

Itami is great, but he's still no Hugo Knox.

My Review of Hogan's Beach

So I recently moved about an hour away from Tampa. This meantthat there was one restaurant that was at the top of my list on places to go, Hogan's Beach. Although I'm not quite as proud to be a Hulkamaniac as I once was, Hulk Hogan was still instrumental in my childhood, and I still train and eat my vitamins every day (Yes, I know that I am also supposed to say my prayers, but two out of three ain't bad). Although it isn't quite the holy land, Hogan's Beach was a place I had to go. Also, I could use it to take the wife out for dinner, so win-win.

The first thing that surprised me is that it was actually impressive looking. It is a very large place, and it is right on the beach where you just walk down a few stairs from the restaurant and you can go swimming. They also had beach volleyball and a pretty big stage set up at all times. Unfortunately, when I actually arrived at the restaurant, I found out that valet parking is mandatory and costs $5. That's some bullshit, Hulk Hogan, and I was none too pleased about it as I have parked my own car thousands of times without fail.

They did partially make up for it as I spotted Jimmy Hart walking by immediately when we got in the door. I told my wife who it was before she could make a condescending remark about the tiny guy with the hair of a fun-loving grandma. I figured if Jimmy Hart was right near the door, who knew all of the wrestling greats I might run into. Could I be at a table next to Brian Knobbs? Maybe I could have a beer with Bushwhacker Luke. The possibilities seemed endless. Unfortunately, our run-in with greatness began and ended with the Mouth of the South.

We got a table outside and looked over the menu. I was pleasantly surprised with the varieties of beer they had on tap. They had ten different craft beers on tap, so I ordered a Long Hammer since it was from Seattle, and I lived in Seattle back in the day. Unfortunately, the waitress came back with my wife's drink and not mine. She informed me that they no longer had Long Hammer. I ordered another beer, and she quickly told me that they did not have that either, and that in fact, they only had three of the craft beers listed on the menu. That made my decision much easier, but it was a little disappointing.

Then it was time to figure out food. I quickly scanned the menu, and saw the Hogan Burger. Obviously, this was going to be my decision. My wife asked me if I liked fried egg on my burger. I told her I didn't know, but I was about to find out. I mean, if it's good enough for Hulk Hogan, it's good enough for me.

The food came out, and it was fine. The fried egg on the burger didn't add a ton, but it also didn't take away from the other flavors. The arugula and bacon lardons were the highlights, and the roasted tomatoes and black truffle mayo drifted into the background. The burger tasted like ground beef that had been cooked. So, yeah, the food was nothing spectacular.

I would have to say the biggest highlight were the two guys at the table next to us. They were drinking beers, sharing appetizers, and having shots of Fireball. They finished everything up, and the waitress asked if they wanted their check. These bros were shocked at the audacity of this waitress to see if they wanted their check. One bro replied, "Apparently you don't know us. We like to drink, so we're gonna be here for a while." The waitress, since she did not know them, she was only their waitress, was about to just say "Okay," but before she could, Bro 2 piped up and said, "Two more Miller Lites." Party hard, brosephs. Party hard.

After our meal, we checked out the memorabilia on display and the two biggest highlights were a vitamin bag that was the size of a large backpack and the Thunderlips robe from Rocky III. The latter alone makes it worth the trip.

So where does that leave us with Hogan's Beach? Well, in summary, it's a completely inoffensive tourist trap with some fun Hulk Hogan memorabilia on the wall. It's not good, it's not bad. it just is. I give it 12 inch biceps.

How I Grew Up And Became a Progressive Thinking Dude

When it comes to life, I'm an idiot. I have made ridiculously bad and irresponsible decisions my entire life. The only thing I am pretty intelligent about is sports, and that, in itself, is stupid. I'm not making a living off my sports knowledge, and the amount of time I spend invested in sports is really ridiculous, because in the grand scheme, they are pointless. Still, I am aware that this aspect will probably never change no matter how much logic tells me it should.

What really got me thinking about what an idiot I am was my progression to be less of an idiot when it comes to women. If you had talked to me ten years ago, my thoughts on women were basically about the same as a Neanderthal. I quoted Andrew Dice Clay as if he made good points. Come to think of it, I wasn't much better five years ago. I started liking girls as human beings, but I still felt the Entourage bros had life figured out. But now, typing that sentence makes me sick to my stomach. That's what I call progress.

When I first graduated college, I had a job where I very much disliked my female boss. I was under the impression that women didn't make good bosses. Now I realize that this was stupid, as she was just a bad boss and could have easily been as bad had she been a male. I was a know-it-all shithead, so part of the blame goes on me.

Then I started working with some very impressive ladies, and I realized I do not care whether I work with women or men. With guys, I can talk about sports, or things get really awkward. With women, I can talk about The Bachelor, but even if they don't watch that, they tend to laugh at my jokes more. Maybe it's because I am good looking. That's sexist, but it's either that or I am actually funny, which makes me arrogant, so pick your poison.

Anyway, I got married in September, and now I am a huge fan of women's rights. My wife has succeeded in a male-dominated industry, and that's awesome. She's super cool, and I like love her and shit. But none of this is a big deal, because I would hope that most people share my opinion that women should be treated equally in the work place.

Lately, people have pointed out how comfortable I am with non-traditional things. I let my wife go out on dates with other guys. When it is printed like that, it sounds pretty bad, but she has worked in a male-dominated industry for ten years, so she has a lot of friends that are guys. I understand that people think it's weird, but logically, it just makes sense to me. She gets a free meal, which saves money, and I get some alone time with the dog, so win-win. I think the biggest thing that people would worry about is her cheating on me, but this isn't a concern of mine. First off, I trust my wife. Second, I am way too lazy to keep track of her at all times, so if she wants to cheat, she can find a way to do so without me knowing. I am not an observant person, so she could probably get away with it forever.

The other thing that has come up recently is her changing her last name. When we first got engaged, she joked about keeping her last name, and I was adamant that she was going to have my last name. This was only about a year ago, but I have done a 180 on this issue. It's a really silly thing for the woman to take a wife's name, as it basically seems to be done to show ownership, but it's also a tradition which is why I thought it mattered. I definitely don't own my woman, and I also don't think her last name has any effect on the strength of our relationship so it stopped mattering to me. Also, it seems like a real hassle for ladies to change their names on everything. With that being said, she chose to take my last name, but it was after I failed at convincing her that it was a waste of time. She wanted that tradition, which is also totally cool by me.

All of these events helped me realize that I am becoming a progressive dude. It is partially because I don't care about things that don't matter or that I can't control, but at least it gets me to the proper mindset. I understand that I am still not the most progressive thinker in the world, and in ten years, I will probably realize how stupid I was about a variety of other issues, but at least I'm taking positive steps. Going from an ignorant piece of shit to a human being is pretty cool.