AEW's inaugural event, Double or Nothing, was a massive success. Not only did they put on a hell of a show, but they also had an estimated 100,000 PPV buys which is incredible in a market where the two most dominant brands, WWE and NJPW, will give you everything for less than $10 a month. They showed a variety of styles, and the crowd was into it from start to finish. It makes all wrestling fans wonder how they can build on this in the future.
The most amazing part of Double or Nothing is they built up the entire card with almost no wrestling. Instead, they utilized YouTube shows to not only build up the matches but set the framework for future feuds as well. It's amazing how they changed the game, and I think they are ahead of the curve on the future of pro wrestling.
The best example of this is Cody. Cody is beloved by fans of AEW, because he is a huge reason that it even exists. Between The Young Bucks, Kenny Omega, and him, they are setting a path for where the organization goes, and Cody definitely seems like the leader out of those wrestlers as well. But here's the thing with Cody, he's not a babyface. He's the most heel heel that has ever heeled in wrestling. Cody has never smiled in his entire life; he's only smirked. I love the guy, but I also totally want to punch him in the face.
So you have Cody who is easy to hate but he is providing you with what wrestling fans have been craving for years, so you also kind of love him. He cheats in his matches but gets cheered at the end of the show. No matter what people say, wrestling is still built on faces and heels, and that is where AEW needs help from a character that is often overlooked in the grand scheme of pro wrestling, the fans.
The fans that are already supporting AEW are not your traditional wrestling fans, but they are almost reverting back to what fans used to be. WWE fans cheer the guys they like and boo the guys they don't. That seems logical, but it runs into problems when clear babyfaces like Roman Reigns get booed out of the building. 30 years ago, things were much simpler in professional wrestling. The chosen good guys always got cheered and the chosen bad guys always got booed. It was a more innocent time, and even though we have lost our innocence, the fans of AEW seem to be reverting back to those simpler times.
But instead of AEW fans being marks, I think they're closer to plants. Magicians famously used plants to make the audience think anything was possible. It would look like they were picking a person at random, but really, that person was in on the trick to make sure everything went according to plan. This is what wrestling fans have become. We're all a bunch of plants, and we are in on what is supposed to happen. So we can love Cody as an executive but boo his every move in the ring, because he's the bad guy, and it's fun to be in on the show. Look at a guy like MJF, who is objectively hilarious, but you have to boo him, because that's what makes the show better and more enjoyable.
AEW realizes that wrestling fans want something different. We don't need to be tricked, because it's more fun to be in on the trick. Fans pay to see a WWE show; they pay to be a part of an AEW show. That sure sounds like a lot more fun to me.
33. Jason Maxwell
I know what you're thinking, how can the Cubs best hitter from 1998 be ranked this low? The numbers don't lie, and with a slash line of .333/.333/1.333, he was undeniably the Cubs best hitter. Could you squabble with the lack of walks? Sure, but if pitchers were dumb enough to pitch to him, Maxwell really had no choice but to make them pay. Even though he is ranked low, I am going to honor him by breaking down each of his at bats from the 1998 season.
On September 1, in his major league debut, Maxwell came off the bench to pinch hit for Dave Stevens against the Cincinnati Reds. The world did not make it easy on him as he had to go up against Steve Parris in his prime. As badly as Maxwell wanted it, Parris would not let him have it, and our hero went down swinging.
After that first at bat, Maxwell had to be anxious to prove himself. He got his chance on September 6 against the Pittsburgh Pirates. He had to go up against Chris Peters, who was having himself a career year for the Bucs. There were two outs and runners on second and third when Maxwell came in to pinch hit for Don Wengert. He came up to the plate, steadied himself, and swung through strike three from Chris Peters.
After a rough start to his career in those two at bats, it would be understandable if he was shaken, but Maxwell just stirred with intensity. Finally, on September 11, 1998, a day that will live in infamy, Maxwell would get his chance to shine, but it would be against arguably his toughest test to date, one of the greatest prospects in New York Mets history, Bill Pulsipher. Pulsipher had gotten older but most certainly wiser and was now a member of the Milwaukee Brewers. After Manny Alexander popped out, and Scott Servais hit a double, Jim Riggleman took out Felix Heredia and put in Jason Maxwell as the pinch hitter in the fourth inning. Bill Pulsipher was throwing some of the nastiest pitches you have ever seen, but Maxwell continued to battle. Finally, Maxwell took a mighty swing, and unlike his first two tries, this one connected. The ball sailed high...and far...and GONE for a two run home run. He rounded the bases, trying to hide the smile that was bursting from his insides. As he stepped on home plate, he was congratulated by Scott Servais and Lance Johnson, and then he jogged to the dugout like he had done it hundreds of times before. He knew he would have plenty more opportunities to celebrate.
He would never bat for the Cubs again.
After this, Maxwell was resigned to a few pinch running opportunities but nothing more as he was just a September callup with rosters expanding. He later played a couple years with the Minnesota Twins, and most importantly, he clearly updated his own Wikipedia page.
Maxwell's favorite memories on his MLB career were interacting with his fans. He had a large following that was lead from a group of guys out of Swanton Ohio. He would often spend time with the guys after the games signing autographs for these kids. He donated bats, batting gloves, and even his belt with them.
Missing on that Wikipedia page is that he ended the year with one of the all-time great Cubs stat lines, and nothing will ever change that.
Not sure if you heard about this in between all of the celebrity deaths and a nincompoop winning the presidential election, but the Chicago Cubs won the World Series. This is a pretty big deal, because it had been quite a while since they had won one of those. People in Chicago were pumped; in fact, people all over the country were pumped as the number of Cubs fans have increased exponentially over the last two years. I'm not sure what caused that, but everybody loves the Cubbies these days.
I am a lifelong Cubs fan. I remember those years where Les Lancaster was a legitimate reliever, when I thought Rick Wilkins was a legit catcher, when Mickey Morandini and Jeff Blauser were a legitimate combo up the middle, when Brant Brown was a thing, when the Cubs acquried my favorite non-Cub, Rich Harden, and thought for sure that the drought was over (they got swept in the first round of the playoffs). I could probably list at least another 500 things I remember about this stupid team, as I have spent an unhealthy amount of time watching and thinking about the Chicago Cubs.
A few years ago, I moved away from the Midwest to Florida to set up permanent shop. I remembered the essentials, like my wife and my dog, but admittedly, my entire Cubs fandom didn't make the trip. I'm an adult in Florida, and not even near a stadium that the Cubs make a trip to every year. It's just hard to keep up that level of fandom, so I didn't. I mean, I still followed along, knew everything that was happening, but I wasn't there. I was here, away from things.
I watched the playoff games, but I'll admit, I fell asleep before the last out for most of them. This didn't really bother me too much, as it was actually a pretty boring postseason. People forget that the World Series games kind of stunk until Game Seven. That game was amazing, but I was out of town on business, and I had been up since 4:00 AM. By the time the first pitch was thrown, I had been up for over 16 hours and was working for 12 of those hours. I watched the first half of the game around strangers before retiring to my hotel room to watch the rest in the comfort of my temporary bed. I managed to stay awake until the end, but by the time it was over, I used my last bit of energy to whisper "Awesome" before rolling over and falling asleep. It was not the raucous celebration I imagined.
That bummed me out. I loved the Cubs, but I wasn't sure if I still loved the Cubs. I mean, it should have meant more. A couple weeks later I went home and visited my family. I tried to talk to my Grandma about the Cubs winning the World Series, but she has been having health troubles, and at 96, she really didn't have the mental or physical strength to really take it all in. I think we were both left with an empty feeling. It made me wonder if it's all worth it.
Let's face it. It's probably not. We don't care about sports because it's the logical decision. We spit in the face of logic when we cheer for players and teams, and that's part of the fun. Escaping the rational world to act irrationally and passionately about things that shouldn't actually matter in our day-to-day lives.
I wanted that stupid feeling. I needed to try to find it. So I waited a few months, and last week, I rewatched the final game of the World Series in its entirety, from the pregame analysis from Joe Buck, to the ups and downs, the rain delay, and the celebration. I wasn't sure if it would matter, but I at least wanted to try.
The first batter of the game was Dexter Fowler, and even though I remembered how that at bat ended, it didn't stop me from getting goosebumps when he launched the ball over the center field fence. It wasn't the home run itself, but it was the moment after Fowler rounded first base during his home run trot to turn backwards and point at the Cubs dugout as half of the crowd was erupting in cheers.
I was hooked.
Usually, I'll read a lot while watching baseball games, because baseball games are rather uneventful, but despite this game being two months old, I couldn't take my eyes off of it. Here were the most affecting moments during the game.
Good - Dexter Fowler home run
I already talked about this one.
Good - Jose Ramirez being picked off
Because there were a lot of big moments, I feel like this is going to get overlooked as time goes on, but picking off a runner is enough of a rarity where it felt special, like nothing was going to go wrong for the Cubs and destiny (the abstract idea, not the stripper) could take them to the title. Bad - Javier Baez dropped ball when trying to turn a double play
The Indians had just tied the game at one, and Baez dropped what could have been an inning ending double play. Instead the Indians had two runners on and one out. All of my confidence from Fowler's home run and the pickoff move were gone.
Good - Kris Bryant's base running
Kris Bryant's two runs involved some of the best baserunning of the postseason. He scored on a very shallow fly ball that Rajai Davis misplayed to not give himself momentum into his throw and Bryant was barely able to slide under the tag. Then, when he managed to score from first on an Anthony Rizzo single, because of a hit and run, that was just incredible. The Cubs took a 4-1 lead shortly after that, and things were looking rosy yet again.
Bad - The passed ball that caused two runs to score
The Cubs were up 5-1 and in control and for some reason, they pulled Kyle Hendricks after allowing a two out walk in the fifth. They were almost too into the idea of Lester being a postseason hero, so they brought him in, and he gave up two runs on a David Ross passed ball when Kipnis hustled all the way from second to score on the play. It was then 5-3 and the Cubs inevitable World Series win didn't feel inevitable anymore. Good - David Ross home run
Uh, yeah, if old ass David Ross is hitting a bomb, then yeah, I'd say this one is in the bag.
Bad - Rajai Davis home run to tie the game
I watched this two months later, and when Rajai Davis hit that home run, my hear legitimately sank into my stomach. Against all logic, I felt sickness when I saw that ball exit the park knowing full well that the Cubs still won the game. I knew what happened, and I couldn't help that feeling.
This was my favorite moment when rewatching the game, because this is when I knew that it still mattered. Yeah, I know it doesn't matter as much as it did in 1998 when I cried after the Cubs got swept by the Braves. And yeah, it probably doesn't matter as much as it did six years later when I got goosebumps when Glenallen Hill told me that had they gotten past the Braves, they would have won the World Series. But it still matters.
After that, there were obviously still more good moments. But it wasn't the baseball that stood out. When Zobrist hit the double to help the Cubs take the lead, the part that stood out most was Rizzo with his hands on his helmet in disbelief as he stood on third. And the replay of Zobrist leaping into second base out of pure excitement. It wasn't Montero's RBI single, it was the dugout erupting in cheers as it happened, and Montero turning to scream in their direction after reaching first.
And then there was the final out. The out was great, but the reaction is what really brought it home. The Chicago Cubs had finally won the World Series. My Chicago Cubs.
I don't want to get into a long diatribe about how great Eric Bischoff was, but he was super great. If you don't love Bischoff, the problem is not him, it is you. As I was watching the February 16, 1998 Monday Nitro, the thing that most stood out to me was not Larry Zbyszko being so dedicated to kayfabe that he buried Louie Spiccoli a day after his death, but instead, it was Bischoff. It wasn't even anything Bischoff said, but he had ten seconds of pure magic during his entrance that I cannot stop laughing about.
This video is pure magic. Bischoff manages to work every fan perfectly.
First off, he shows his appreciation for all of the fans, even stating that he loves them. And who could he love more than a dude cosplaying as Garth from Wayne's World.
Okay, so after viewing the video a dozen times, I realized that it's not a guy but actually just the most WCW female fan ever, but I think that actually makes it better. Clearly, this woman is in love with him, but Bischoff knows he can only give her a taste as too much would kill her right there in her seat. So he gives her some tickle fingers, but nothing more, she's simply not ready.
Somehow, even better than that is his interaction with the next fan.
With the first fan, Bischoff showed restraint by not ending her life in a pool of ecstasy. With the second fan, Bischoff clearly could have punched his head right off of his neck, but he showed restraint in not knocking out this child. Never forget, Bischoff had a black belt in karate. Not only does Bischoff totally show this kid who is boss without throwing a punch, but he exits out of the potential fight in the coolest way possible. You see the shrug, but it actually gets better from there.
Such a great shrug off, and he somehow tops it by immediately transitioning into a Too Sweet. I want to exit every bad situation exactly like that. Get fired from a job? Don't care, too sweet the receptionist. Your best girl dumps you? Don't care, too sweet the nearest hot chick. This could literally turn every bad situation into a great one. This is the greatness of Eric Bischoff.
Wait, you still don't love Eric Bischoff? Mr. Bischoff, what do you think of that.
I have seen a ridiculous amount of stupid shit posted on the internet regarding Daniel Cormier's performance at UFC 200. Well, it's a ridiculous amount for what happened, but basically a normal amount for an MMA event. Everybody is shitting on Daniel Cormier for taking it to the ground, but it's Anderson Silva's fault that there wasn't more action.
First off, let me just say hats off to Anderson Silva for taking the fight on two days' notice and going in there against one of the best fighters in the world at a weight class above where he normally fights. That doesn't just take guts; it takes an arrogance that very few outside of Silva possess, and I'm saying that in the most positive way possible. But he signed up for a fight. He didn't sign the contract with it in writing that Daniel Cormier had to fight a fun fight and help give him chances to win.
Fighting is actually based off a super simple premise. If you want action, you have to create space. If you want to shut down action, you have to eliminate space. Anderson Silva did everything he could in this fight to eliminate space and shut down action. He locked up Cormier's upper body and leg locked one of his legs, so there was really no opportunity for Cormier to do anything of signifance, and he still managed to fire off constant punches so he at least could do something. Still, despite Anderson Silva doing nothing to work towards submissions or try to stand up, the crowd willed the referee into standing up the fight multiple times.
If fans wanted to boo a guy for stalling on top, it should have been directed at Brock Lesnar who was just looking to maintain his position as opposed to looking for a finish in his fight against Mark Hunt. In the first round, he got full mount and did not try to posture up but instead stayed tight and threw tight punches as opposed to unleashing on him. And in round three, he easily could have moved to full mount, but he took the safe option of keeping Hunt pinned down. And there is nothing wrong with that. It was the smart decision. It also helps that Brock Lesnar is such a freak that he still threw some pretty mean blows in that tight space.
Fans booing Daniel Cormier showed how clueless they are. So what if Anderson Silva doesn't get to show off his standup skills? He barely even attempted to fight off a takedown. He didn't deserve to stand up in that fight. Anderson Silva made a gutsy decision and took a fight against an elite fighter on two days' notice, and he deserves respect for that, but he doesn't deserve a win to be gifted to him for being gutsy. Those he has to earn, and last night against Daniel Cormier, he didn't do anything to deserve it.
The Cubs are talented this year. Like, super duper talented. To the point that many people are picking them to win the World Series. As a lifelong Cubs fan, it's a little weird, as this is not what I have come to expect from the Cubs. The Cubs will forever be the Cubs of the 1990s. Teams that had unforgettably fun players but not necessarily good players. They had a miraculous run in 1998, and then had some nice runs in the early-mid 2000s behind some of the highest potential pitchers who never all came together at the same time before things fell apart. And then the Cubs dipped into that safe space of being bad.
Then the Cubs got new ownership who brought in Theo Epstein (and friends) and although the major league roster continued to suck, they were building something. And last year that something came together to get the Cubs to the NLCS. Even as a Cubs fan, I couldn't believe the jump they made in one season and how their young players performed. It was a crazy year, and I was only a little sad when the Mets pitching annihilated them.
So now the Cubs enter 2016 as the favorite to win the World Series. That's pretty dang cool. But the Cubs as a favorite doesn't seem like a Cubs team at all. They were the lovable losers. Now that they look like winners, do they lose their lovability as well? Unfortunately, the answer to that question is yes.
The lovable losers no longer apply to the Cubs. You loved them like a guy that you'd loan $20 knowing that we'd never get paid back. You loved them in the way that their failures made you feel okay with your own shortcomings. You loved them with no fear, knowing they weren't going anywhere, because they had nowhere else to go. You loved them as a friend. A best friend.
You can't love a Cubs team that is this talented like that. But that doesn't mean that this team can't be loved. You can't love this team like a friend. This is a team you love with passion. This is a team that fills you with lust. I mean, just look at Kris Bryant.
This man doesn't look into your eyes; he looks into your soul. This team makes you doubt everything you've ever known, because it doesn't make sense. This is a team that keeps you up at night wondering if this could actually be real.
But it is real, and it is wonderful. And you realize that it's time to let go of your inhibitions and love completely, even though, logically, you know this could break your heart. And oh god, you pray that this doesn't end in heartbreak, but you can't fight the way you feel. You're going to love them day and night, so you may as well spend as many days and nights with them as possible. Let them overtake you, because, win or lose, each game is a slice of heaven.
And hopefully, at the end of the year, this is that love you never forget.
So, no, these aren't the lovable losers of your childhood. But this Cubs team is definitely still lovable.
When Iowa made the Rose Bowl this year, I planned on finding a way to go. Then I saw that tickets were nearly $700, and I quickly decided that I could watch the game from a television and get enough of the experience. Then, about two weeks before the game, ticket prices dropped, and I told my wife that I would be ditching her on New Year's Eve to fly across the country so I could attend the game. Oh, and then I asked her if she could drive me 2.5 hours from her sister's place to DC, so I could catch a flight out there.
I got out late on New Year's Eve and plans to party with fancy people in downtown LA quickly changed to partying at a dive bar. Before I could head down there, a buddy of mine from the LA crew came back to his house (where I was staying) and said he was feeling sick and that it was going to be coming out of both ends. He then walked about three steps, and started projectile vomiting a comical amount of puke over and over again. As he was bent over getting everything out of his system, my Lyft ride came, so I patted him on the back, told him good luck, and headed to the bar to talk shit to my buddies.
My buddies were shockingly hanging out with members of the opposite sex, and the ladies found my shit-talk super charming (they repeatedly referred to me as an asshole), and I could tell that they were disappointed when they saw a ring on my finger. After dashing those girls' hopes of hooking up with a certified G and a bonafide stud, it was about 12:30, which meant it was time for this old dog to head home and get ready for an early morning.
I naturally woke up at 5:00 AM and could not go back to sleep, because it was the ROSE BOWL. Still, nobody else quite shared my enthusiasm, so I took my time pooping before I got bored and had to start playing Psychostick's chart-topping hit, "Beer!"
There is no better song to get ready for the day, and it did get them and their vomit-soaked bodies moving, although still slower than I would have preferred. Still, we were able to get an Uber up there before 8:00 AM.
This is where things got interesting. One guy brought up staying sober and watching the parade. I thought he was joking. Then another guy said that he'd like to do that too, and I knew that these jokers were serious. There was no way I was going to waste anymore time to watch giant balloons float around while possibly getting free candy (I'm an adult). So, although I may have ditched three friends, I was still rolling deep with a dozen of my best friends, 12 cans of Natural Light.
After knocking back a beer and receiving a half dozen compliments on my beer choice, I decided to do something that I do not ever endorse, and that is fire up Facebook. I knew my good friends were still hours away, but maybe I knew some other Hawkeye fans in the vicinity. Sure enough, I had a buddy that I worked with in Seattle that I hadn't seen in years that I saw was in the area. I went to meet up with him, and on the way, ran into an aunt and uncle that I had no clue were going to be there. It was a great way to spend a couple hours. And the moral of that story is if you drink Natural Light by yourself on a beautiful day, good things will happen (God, I want to be the spokesperson for Natural Light more than anything in this world).
Anyway, then I met up with my lazy buddies and had a totally uneventful time as I finished off my 12 pack before we headed into the game. Now, at 12 beers deep, I'm feeling good. I'm talkative but always friendly. I was having amicable conversations with a variety of Stanford fans, even getting a sweet treat from some ladies; was it for being the sexiest fan in attendance? Well, they didn't specify that it wasn't.
As I said, all of my conversations were amicable, but that doesn't mean I wasn't talking some shit while waiting in line. There were a few black people willing to go back and forth with me (white people aren't confident enough to go toe to toe with my wit) about their evil Stanford Cardinal and my beloved Iowa Hawkeyes. It ended with me saying that I was going to find where they were sitting, come down, snuggle right in between them and let them know how great the Iowa Hawkeyes are. They were getting a good chuckle out of it and said they hoped to see me later.
As I entered the stadium, I'll admit, I was a little in awe. It wasn't logical to be in awe, but my love of the Rose Bowl was already solidly built on my desire to be there. For me, the Rose Bowl was like a kid going to Disneyland. The familiar sights and past stories made it the happiest place on Earth before I even set a foot inside of it. Maybe it's not the most up to date, amazing place in all areas, but my admiration of the entire place was going to cover up any warts that existed. If you asked me to describe it, I could tell you that the concourses were open and the sight lines were good. Outside of that, I'd really just say that you have to be there to experience it.
We got to our seats that were in the corner of an endzone in the 22nd row, and it also had a cement barricade right in front of us which was perfect for setting down our drinks. It gave us a great view of everything and would allow us to see plays develop.
So this is the part where I need to talk about the game, don't I? Shit. Well, before the game, I read a breakdown from SmartFootball of a HB Option play for McCaffery that went over how difficult it is for defenses in man coverage to handle. I wasn't concerned, because Iowa usually zones their linebackers, so they at least shouldn't be susceptible to that. Of course, Iowa played man on the first snap of the game, Stanford called that EXACT play, and Christian McCaffery used deceptive speed (because he's white) to roll into the endzone without a Hawkeye even threatening to touch him.
As Stanford fans jumped around in front of me, I saw some familiar faces just three rows in front of me. That's right; it was the people I was talking shit to. Some would call that karma, and they would probably be correct, but they started pointing up at me, and I assured them that I still planned on snuggling up next to them to celebrate as Iowa was beating Stanford in the second half.
Then Stanford scored again.
And again.
And again.
And again.
And I continued to talk shit the ENTIRE TIME. I continued to tell them that they were going to have to make room for me, so I could educate them on the greatness of the Hawkeyes. I'm an incredibly optimistic person when I have 12 Natural Lights in me, so I figured, hey, if Stanford can score 35 points in a half, there's no reason Iowa can't as well. I was still screaming about how Iowa was just playing with Stanford when Tom Arnold came on the Jumbotron, and nearly said what I was saying verbatim. It was the first sign that maybe I had been drinking too much.
And then Stanford scored again, but this time it was only a field goal, so...victory?
It got near the end of the 3rd quarter where Iowa cut the lead to 38-3, and I decided it was time to take my medicine. I promised those Stanford fans that I would be snuggling right in between them and educate them on the greatness of the Hawkeyes, and that's exactly what I did. When I snuck up and sat down between them, their faces went from shock to uproarious laughter as I told them I was a man of my word and that I still believed the Hawkeyes had the game in the bag. I picked a great time to sit down there, as shortly after that, CJB threw a deep ball to Matt VandeBerg for Iowa's first touchdown. Oh man, did I shove that right in their highly educated and successful faces. Then Koehn missed the extra point, because of course he did. After that, the Stanford fans got pictures with the smartest/coolest/sexiest guy (I'm talking about me) there, and I took the long journey (three rows up) back to my regular seats.
Iowa and Stanford each added touchdowns to make the final score 45-16 (Iowa won the second half 16-10, NO BIG DEAL). Iowa had their worst game of the year and got their asses handed to them, but it was still a great experience.
How did I stay so positive throughout the entire game? Maybe it's because now that I'm an adult I have a little perspective on things and realized that it's just a football game. But that seems unlikely, because I still scream at my television during Iowa sporting events like a lunatic. No, it was something bigger than that. No matter the outcome, Iowa was finally playing in the Rose Bowl.
The Rose Bowl.
To most people, it's just a stadium, but in this kid's eyes, it's Disneyland, and it's hard to be sad when you're at the happiest place on Earth.
I am always amazed at people who only like good teams. It used to drive me crazy, because they weren't "real sports fans." As I have grown older and more mature, it has gotten to the point where it only irritates me. It still blows my mind when it comes to colleges, and people only like Duke basketball, of course, that's partially because I thought only old racist white guys liked Duke basketball. But it works the same with Notre Dame football, wait, that's a lot of old racist white guys too. Um, let's go with Alabama footbAwShit, that's loaded with ORWGs too. This wasn't even the point of the post, so let's just get back to my original point that fair weather fans are slightly irritating but nothing to get worked up over.
But they are still irritating, and the fact that they try to celebrate a championship like it really means something to them when they just float in while the team is good is not something that they should get away with, but alas, as just one man, there is nothing I can do. But karma...karma is a bitch, and it will strike down these fair weather fans.
You see, these fair weather fans are strong when things are going well, but they lack the mental fortitude to prosper when things get tough. They just want to move onto something else. This may work in sports fandom, but I'll tell you one area it doesn't work: Marriage.
I believe that fair weather fans are single-handedly pumping up the divorce rate in this country. I mean, based on zero research whatsoever, I will claim that the divorce rate for fair weather fans is seven times higher than it is for those fans that stick with their crummy teams through thick and thin. This is all just a guess on my part as I did absolutely no research, but the numbers don't lie. SEVEN TIMES, that is incredible. But these made up numbers make sense. These fans float along in life, just looking for the best possible situation, but they just bounce around grasping at fleeting happiness while sticking with things gives a far more fulfilling feeling that these people will never experience.
Seven times. That's truly an incredible number. I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't made it up myself.
The Iowa Hawkeyes are undefeated at 8-0. Iowa fans are understandably excited about this development since expectations had eight wins as more of a season-long ceiling as opposed to a way to start the season. As an Iowa fan, I am incredibly happy right now with my football team and will actually have positive thoughts during the rest of the regular season.
However, the big bad Internet is not as excited about the Iowa Hawkeyes. They think they are lucky, and they haven't played anybody, so they're not a legitimate national title contender. The leader of this charge is a podcast, The Solid Verbal, which I subscribe to and have listened to every episode for the last four or five years. They started the meme of "Talking to Your Kids About Iowa," something that has taken the world by storm since a couple writers from Tosh.0 got in on the action and made a video about it.
Iowa fans are NOT happy about this. How dare the internet besmirch the great name of Hawkeye Nation and our infallible leader, Kirk Ferentz (a leader who 90% of the fan base wanted fired coming into the season). Iowa fans do not find these videos funny, because their Hawkeyes ARE a good football team, and they have beaten legitimate competition. They will quote the victories over Wisconsin, Pittsburgh, and Northwestern, but come on guys. We can't really brag about beating Northwestern, right? They're Northwestern. And Pitt? Sorry, but Pitt is...they're not bad, they're just fine. I will say that Wisconsin is good, but only good, as Alabama blew them off the field in their opening game.
This culminated in an Iowa fan making a reply video talking about the SEC Myth. It was well done and entertaining, but the argument of, "The SEC isn't even that good," only gets you so far. Yeah, the SEC's greatness is blown up a little, but it is still the best football conference, and yes, that does count for something.
I have bad news for the keyboard warriors who are defending the Kinnick Castle: People are going to continue to shit on Iowa, and there's nothing you can do to stop them.
But I also have good news for those valiant knights of internet justice: You don't have to care. You could just stop caring. Or, if you're like me, you could even laugh at some of it, because it is pretty funny. Nothing the internet says takes away from Iowa's victories. And if Iowa keeps winning, they will be in the College Football Playoff. Think about that. Somehow, that's not a totally implausible scenario right now, and I would have said you were insane had you told me that before the season.
But let's just relax, Hawkeye fans. This is an awesome season, and you should be standing and cheering for your team instead of standing in front of a computer repeatedly stating, "I'm not mad, I just think it's funny" while stripping down naked in your rage.
This undefeated journey could end in any of the next five Saturdays (well, Friday for Nebraska), but it could also keep going. Use your energy to live it up instead of worrying that other college football fans aren't impressed with your college football team. Their thoughts shouldn't be that important to you, but what Iowa is doing on the field is pretty damn cool, and I'd hate for you to miss it.
So, although I have gone to a couple of NXT house shows since moving to Florida, I still had yet to make it to the promised land. That, of course, being the Full Sail Arena where the NXT tapings and Takeover events take place. Although I wasn't able to get tickets for Takeover (those things sell out fast), I was able to get general admission tickets for the tapings of the next four episodes of NXT. Instead of going over the wrestling I saw, I wanted to go over the experience of seeing NXT live.
Logistics
As I said, tickets for the Takeover events sell out super fast, but for the tapings, it wasn't too hard to get tickets. I think they had tickets up until about two weeks before the show. There is plenty of parking, so that was nice. Also, they allow you to bring in food and drink but no bottle caps. You would have a better chance of getting a gun in there than a bottle cap, but, like, don't bring a gun. Be cool, it's supposed to be a positive place.
The Arena
So I knew that the Full Sail Arena wasn't big, but it definitely looks better on the WWE Network than it does in person. The bleachers only go back ten rows, so it is impossible to have a bad seat. I thought the show started at 6:00, so we got in line at 5:15, thinking doors would open in 15 minutes, but it turned out doors didn't open until 6:00. We were still only about halfway up the line, but we ended up getting third row seats in the bleachers. Even had we shown up at 6:00, we still could have gotten quality seats, as it is a very fan friendly venue.
The Matches
Although I won't go into specifics on the matches, what I will say is that the show does a good job of going fairly quickly, considering they are producing about four hours of wrestling content (the backstage segments are not done during the tapings), as they go through matches fairly quickly, empty the ring, and start the next match. In between shows, there is maybe a three-minute break, so there is very limited down time. What I would say is that the matches were good, not great, as they save the big stuff for the Takeover shows. Still, the matches are fun, and as a fan of old school wrestling, it was nice to see a couple matches just set up to be the classic good wrestler vs. jobber squashes.
The Fans
The fans can basically be broken down into five distinct groups, which is more diverse than I would have expected. Anyway, here are those groups:
People Who Like/Love Pro Wrestling
This is the category I identify with and what I was expecting a lot more of. There were still a decent amount of these people who were just looking forward to watching some good wrestling, cheering the good guys, booing the bad guys and having a good time with it. We understand it is predetermined, but that doesn't mean we don't get lost in the moment from time to time.
People Who Like/Love WWE
I was standing next to an affable gentleman in line, and we got to talking about WWE, and it was pretty clear that we are very different wrestling fans. I like who I like, but this guy liked exactly who the WWE wants him to like. He's a Cena fan, and he thought his match against Rusev at Payback was the match of the night; I thought it was hot garbage. I liked the tag match from Payback, and I'm pretty sure this guy didn't give a shit about that match. Hey, to each their own. These are the fans the WWE wants, and they probably enjoy wrestling more than I do since their favorite wrestlers actually matter.
Super Smark
These people care about pro wrestling, but they, unfortunately, don't know how to love. Instead of embracing everyone for their individuality, these people are there to point out what is wrong. A wrestler got a "Headlock City" chant going, and someone near me yelled out, "That's a chinlock." Dude, the chin is part of the head, it's a form of headlock. There were also lots of people telling a returning wrestler who is not very skilled in the ring. Plenty of people told this guy how awful he was when he did anything, even when it wasn't bad, they had already predetermined that it was going to suck. These are not fun people to be around.
It's Still Real to Me, Damnit
The people who take wrestling way too seriously. I had one of these super fans right in front of me, and she loves Blake and Murphy. Apparently, one of them is dating Alexa Bliss. Also, apparently one of them will say that he is this lady's husband. She is, um, not attractive, so this is definitely not a genuine thing, but she acted as if it was. She was like a 35-year-old adult who defended those guys no matter what they did. Wrestling is very real, and if you say anything bad about Blake and Murphy, she will threaten to fight you and/or have them fight you. This woman was a treasure.
Gronk
The last set of fans are Gronks. As in, Rob Gronkowski, because he was there. They show up late with 20 mostly gigantic people in Mojo Rawley shirts, where they sit in the front row that was blocked off for them as other people are forced to stand due to there not being enough seats because of Gronk. They wait for Mojo's match, cheer, celebrate, and leave to go Gronk up some other place.
Gronks are the worst, but really, everything else about the NXT experience is pretty great. If you happen to be stuck around Orlando for any period of time, I promise there is no better $10 spent than seeing NXT live.
I'll admit this post is a little late, but the sort of game that Iowa played against Tennessee takes a little while to recover from, especially being there in person. But don't worry, Hawkeye fans, this post will not focus on the game as much as the experience surrounding it.
Since Iowa was playing in Jacksonville which is only about 3.5 hours away, I figured I had to make the jaunt up north to go to the 2015 TaxSlayer Bowl. It was not the normal Iowa gameday experience. I think this is the first time I have gone to an Iowa game sober (I had one beer, but I'm a bit of a heavyweight so I know how to handle myself, no big deal), and it was also the first time I took my wife. These both proved to be wise decisions, as alcohol most certainly would not have added any fun to my experience.
Iowa did not have its usual representation as fans have become disenchanted with the team. Expectations were high, results were low, and it seems like Iowa goes to Florida every year, so there wasn't that much appeal to making the trip. Also, it's the TaxSlayer Bowl, so it would take an extremely desperate and dedicated fanbase to get excited for that.
Tennessee was that fanbase.
I was surrounded by orange. My wife and I were literally the only two people supporting the Hawkeyes in our section. There was another Iowa fan a section over and about ten rows back who kept spelling Fuck Kirk, so despite running into 100 Tennessee fans and 5 Iowa fans, Iowa produced the worst fans of the game. Congratulations, Hawkeyes. I would like to talk trash about Tennessee fans, but outside of them loving cigarettes, they were actually very pleasant people to be around.
I cannot stress this enough: Tennessee fans were SO PUMPED to be there. Their excitement was not sarcastic, it was as legit as it gets. They hadn't been to a bowl game in a while, and they are excited where Butch Jones is taking the team. One of my favorite things in this world is when middle-aged people where shirts designed for teenagers, so I was really happy to see a 50-year-old man wearing a "Butch Please" shirt for the game. Overall thought, they were just incredibly positive people. They have a chant where they just go, "It's great...to be...a Tennessee Vol." How pleasant and quaint of them.
As for the game, thank God I have other things that I care about in this world more than Iowa football (like my dog...and Iowa wrestling...oh yeah, and my wife too). Sports don't mean as much to me; there are still times where a heartbreaking loss will kill my mood, but ass kickings like the one Iowa received don't really matter as much to me. I can be angry at my team, or I can just laugh at how awful they are. I chose the latter and filled the game with pithy one liners that impressed the people around me.
The Hawkeyes lost 45-28, and the game was not nearly that close, yet I still had a good time. I spent some time with the old lady, hung out with some friendly people who cheered for the opposing side, and most importantly, I got to see a whole lot of CJ Beathard. It wasn't great, but having Beathard was enough for me to stay late to watch the final two touchdowns, both of which were really nice throws.
I am an eternal optimist. Beathard gives the Hawkeyes a look they need on offense to not be competent but actually be dangerous. If the Hawkeyes brought in a new offensive coordinator (Ken O'Keefe is available), it would give them the offense necessary to accentuate their strengths. Right now, everybody is down on Iowa football, and it's just a really negative atmosphere. I can understand it, but it's still way more fun to focus on the positives and just have a good time watching football...
As I sat through another shockingly bad Iowa Hawkeye effort today against Michigan, I couldn't help but laugh. I'm past the depressing part of the season. I'm past being even bummed out about things. It's just comical at this point. Iowa is not good at football. They are not good on offense; they are not good on defense, and I guess they're kinda okay on special teams. Right now, I'm just hanging on to the fact that Greg Davis only got a one year deal, because of a technicality, so maybe Barta will put the pressure on Ferentz to give him the boot, because that offense is really depressing (Note: It did not seem as depressing today. I think that this is because it was fun to see Weisman back and I love seeing tight ends utilized. Still, the stats are proof that it was still quite awful).
But that's where I'm at now with the Hawkeyes: Indifference. I just don't care. Now if you want a really depressing situation, just look to another team in the Legends division in Michigan State. Now THAT is a depressing situation. They were one of the favorites to win the Legends division this year and instead have just one more win than Iowa. Outside of losing 20-3 to a Notre Dame team that is still undefeated, they have been right in every game. Look at these other losses:
Going into the game at 3-1, they lost to Ohio State by one point, 17-16. Ohio State, much like Notre Dame is still undefeated.
Two weeks later, they lose in double overtime, 19-16. They lost that game to IOWA. That loss is looking worse and worse as the season goes on. How did they lose that game? I watched it and still had trouble figuring it out. But, sure enough, they lost to Iowa. That alone is enough for fans to start cutting themselves just so they can feel again.
The next week, they played their in-state rival, Michigan, and lost 12-10. They were up 10-9 with two minutes to go before Michigan drove 41 yards before kicking a field goal with five seconds left. That's a pretty depressing way to lose a football game.
Two weeks later, after an inspiring win over Wisconsin in overtime, they lose to Nebraska 28-24, because Taylor Martinez who is as good at throwing footballs as I am at having babies, threw a touchdown pass with six seconds left in the fourth quarter to give them the lead.
And now today, they lose to Northwestern. As Michigan State was trying to get the ball back, they forced an incomplete pass from Northwestern on third down. Unfortunately, Johnny Adams, their best cornerback, committed a stupid pass interference penalty. They gained some more yards, and took some more time off the clock. MSU finally gets the ball back, gets to fourth down where Andrew Maxwell nails Sims down the middle before he loses the football. They ended up calling it an incomplete, but Northwestern recovered it even it was a fumble, so there was no point in challenging the call. They lost 23-20 either way.
Outside of Andrew Maxwell, Michigan State seems like a good team, yet they only have one more win than Iowa team that is most certainly not a good team. So, yeah, it's awful to be a Hawkeye fan, but it's far less heartbreaking than cheering for Michigan State.
I really thought we were past this. I enjoy watching sports more than most people. I usually try to stay reserved, but if you put me with the right group of people, and give me the right chemical imbalance then I can really get into games. Yelling at sporting events is a good way to let off some steam, even though it sometimes feels as if your favorite team may give you a heart attack. All in all, you could say that I love sports. I love sports, but I don't love watching people watch sports.
This phenomenon seemed to become popular during the most recent World Cup. Landon Donovan scored a goal to crush the mighty, global dominator known as Algeria. With that goal, we crushed those impoverished pieces of shit, and it felt awesome. Now look, I'll admit I was excited, and I don't fault anybody for yelling and screaming in joy when this happened. Sports brings out emotions. I have no problem with the event itself.
The problem I have is that people recorded people celebrating and put it on YouTube for people to...enjoy? Yes, not just one person, but multiple people thought it would be fun to watch other people watch sporting events. This is retarded in itself, but then you learn that there are people even more retarded who ACTUALLY enjoy watching other people watch sports.
I remember a buddy telling me how I needed to watch this awesome video of people watching the World Cup. Luckily, there were a group of people so I was able to leave halfway through, but they sat there in total silence as they were amazed to see people hoot and holler at a television screen.
There's a lot of things out there that I don't like that I can at least understand how it could be entertaining for people. Curling has no appeal to me, but if I stretch my brain, I can at least see some appeal for the precision and concentration it takes to be good at it. With watching people watch sports, I have no idea what the appeal of it is. My best guess is nostalgia, but people aren't watching their friends celebrate, they're watching strangers celebrate. It's kind of creepy.
I thought that the World Cup would just be a short blip on our radar for this activity, but the NFL has now come out with commercials that feature people celebrating a big play by their team. I spent a whole 90 seconds looking for one of the commercials and failed, but I'm sure you've seen them or can imagine what they look like.
The final thing that bothers me about these videos is that somebody wastes their time recording other people celebrating. They record a crowd celebrating instead of worrying about what is actually happening in the game. Now they may just be a lonely guy who wants to pretend he has friends with these videos, and as sad as that is, he's still not as pathetic as the people who enjoy them.
