Showing posts with label AJ Styles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label AJ Styles. Show all posts

Monday, January 20, 2020

The WWE Is Ruining... AJ Styles

I still can’t believe how long it took for the WWE to realize that AJ Styles might be pretty good at this whole professional wrestling thing. But after proving he was great for like two decades, he finally did make it on the WWE roster, and overall, it’s been a tremendous success. He has been seen as the best wrestler in the world for part of his run, and his greatness is undeniable.


But it seems like the momentum has slowly come to a halt. He’s still great in the ring, but I’m just not as inspired by it. It’s partially being paired up with The OC. Don’t get me wrong, I think that pairing is a great idea, but the execution has been terrible. They had one night where they truly looked awesome together, and that is when they beat the hell out of the Undisputed Era at the beginning of an NXT episode. They looked like monsters who could destroy you with the strength of their teamwork, but that has never shown up on the main roster.


And really, that’s all I’d want to see changed with Styles. Make that group more viable and threatening and everything they do will seem more important. This probably helps The OC more than Styles, but it gets Styles to that vaunted tier of guys that could legitimately main event WrestleMania, something that Styles has more than enough all-around ability to do. A good heel faction bashing skulls and having lolz is just what this WWE roster needs.

Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Aiden English
Akam
Aleister Black

Monday, November 11, 2019

The WWE Is Ruining... Ricochet

I’ve done almost 70 of these things, and at this point, it’s truly shocking that things haven’t gotten better. WWE has brought in new people, but everything stays exactly the same. They have worn me down. When I started this up, I watched Raw and Smackdown religiously. Now I checked out the season premieres of both, regretted it, and have not been back since. WWE has three brands, all of which have twice the talent that AEW has, and yet only one, NXT, can actually put on a comparable product. It’s so stupid and so disappointing, because I legitimately love professional wrestling.

The only reason I started with that diatribe is to let you know that these are likely to be a whole lot shorter going forward. But let’s quickly talk about how great Ricochet is, shall we?

Are we sure Ricochet isn’t the most physically gifted person in professional wrestling? It’s an impossible thing to say for certain, but Ricochet really has to be up there. That guy has springs in every part of his body. He springs with his legs, his arms, and even his neck. It’s incredible what he is able to do. If I was going to show a non-wrestling fan one wrestler that might get them hooked, it would have to be Ricochet, because his talent is so undeniable.

But the WWE can and will deny that talent. Ricochet has been treated fairly well on the main roster, compared to other talents, but it doesn’t lead anywhere. He won the US Title, and he wasn’t even able to keep the belt for a month before AJ Styles beat him for it. Ricochet is still super athletic, but everything surrounding his athleticism is stupid and pointless.

Basically, Ricochet should only be consumed in gif form. Don’t get attached, watch a 3 second loop multiple times, and move on with your day.

To fix him? Have the fun wrestling guy do fun wrestling things, but this time, actually make them matter. Either that or put him in a mask, call him Prince Puma, and let him wreck shop because of ancient Aztec Medallions. That is a proven formula that can’t be denied.

Tuesday, November 13, 2018

The WWE Is Ruining... Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows

As a pro wrestling fan, it is a part of our identity to always know how to utilize wrestlers better than the WWE. If WWE would just give me, random WWE fan, a job a the company, ratings would immediately rise to the levels of the Monday Night Wars, despite how television ratings have changed as a whole over the last 20 years. But until that happens, WWE will continue ruining our favorite wrestlers, and that is why it is time to point out the error in their ways. Because of WWE's incompetence, I am literally going to pick a wrestler at random and point out how they could be better utilized, because WWE is ruining everyone in one way or another.

Today, we are definitely not talking about nerds. Instead, it's time to talk about Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows, two guys who really need a tag team name.

I know it's hard to remember this now, but Anderson and Gallows actually debuted as total badasses when they came out in street clothes and annihilated The Usos. That's pretty cool. Then they started tagging with AJ Styles. That is also cool. They won most matches, and when they lost, it was usually DQ. This could also be classified as cool.

Then about two months after their debut, they stopped winning matches. It was not cool. They stopped winning, and people stopped caring.

Inexplicably, they won the tag titles at the Royal Rumble, but even that was mitigated since it was relegated to the preshow. Also, even though they held the belts, they still lost to Roman Reigns in a handicap match. Eventually, they lost to the Hardy Boyz at WrestleMania and have gone back to their losing ways for the last year and a half. Currently, they are in one of their better stretches as tehy have not been seen for over two months.

So what to do with Gallows and Anderson? It's actually super simple. Put these guys in a stable. You align them with any combination of New Japan guys that you want. Finn Balor (with him being on Raw, probably won't happen anytime soon), AJ Styles, even Shinsuke Nakamura would all make sense aligning with Anderson and Gallows. Hell, you could bring up Ricochet as part of the group to give him an early boost.

The big thing with Gallows and Anderson is they are probably not going to carry the division, but they should be occasional champs. The problem is they haven't been showcased in the right way to demonstrate their personality, and they seem to be completely worthless without the belts. If you put them in a stable, they can accompany other guys and make their presence felt with distractions on the outside. As these past months have shown us, just being present would be a huge upgrade for them.

Also, Gallows and Anderson are meant to be bullies. They were able to do that with a numbers game where the Bullet Club cheated all the damn time. This way they can be important without needing the straps, and they can have a purpose without being in the title picture. Also, looking at those names above, what are their gimmicks? AJ Styles would prefer if you didn't threaten his family, Finn Balor smiles, and Shinsuke...is Japanese. Ideally, you end the Samoa Joe feud by having Joe continue to mess with Styles until Gallows and Anderson come out and totally destroy him to help out their buddy. A month or two later, have them help out Shinsuke, and bam, you have a fearsome foursome that is the most threatening thing on Smackdown.

There is no need to reinvent the wheel with Gallows and Anderson. You have a perfectly good wheel waiting to be used. But they could still use a different name.

Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Alicia Fox

Bobby Lashley
Charlotte Flair
Dana Brooke
Dash Wilder
Kane
Kofi Kingston
Mickie James

Mojo Rawley
Nia Jax
Peyton Royce
Randy Orton
Scott Dawson
Tyler Breeze

Monday, April 9, 2018

The 12 Worst Things About XWF Episode 3

Unfortunately, we have already come to the finale of my series on the XWF. To give you an idea of how ill-conceived the XWF was, Greg Valentine never showed up for DVD commentary, and not even Jimmy Hart showed up to talk for the intro to episode three. Like, they had to have done these all in one day, but according to Knobbs, Hart was out "scouting for talent" aka strip club. If you remember last week, you'll know that Episode 2 was legitimately entertaining. Episode 3 was most certainly not (much like Episode 1). If you want to put yourself through it, I have embedded it below.

And now the countdown of worst things about Episode 3 of the XWF.

12. The Best Match In XWF History
So it wasn't all bad. AJ Styles took on Kid Kash for the Cruiserweight Championship. Unless you're really into Johnny B. Badd and Norman Smiley gyrating their hips, this is the best match in XWF history. Kash and Styles wrestled a fast-paced match that was exciting from beginning to end. Of course, that wasn't that difficult, since the whole thing lasted about four minutes. But hey, that's understandable since they had to make time for Josh Matthews debut.

11. Rena Got Herself a Security Team
Rena, due to Roddy Piper repeatedly talking to her breasts, has decided to get herself a security team. This includes The Barbarian, which is awesome. It involves Tugboat, which is even more awesome. And it involves 4X4, which, yeah, that one kind of sucks, but two out of three ain't bad. Will these mysterious security men ever go on to wrestle? Eh, we'll never find out, because the XWF didn't last long enough.

10. I Would Do Anything For Love
Jimmy Hart's going to take you to Hail and back. At least that's what he said in an interview building up Hail. It's not necessarily good, but the more I sing it like Meat Loaf, the more I enjoy it.

9. The Mist Is Pissed
Vapor is so unimportant that they list Sonny Onoo with Vapor instead of the other way around.
This forces Jimmy Snuka Jr. to come out with Jimmy Snuka Sr. The ref does not do his job and both Sonny Onoo and The Murdering Snuka are in the ring. The match ends with Big Splashes from both Snukas. They both clear the low bar of doing a better job than Tamina.

8. Weird Sex Worker Wrestles For Money
Drezden takes on Marty Jannetty, but the more important thing that he wears leather pants with leather straps over his torso which makes him look like Smash without the face paint. It kind of makes sense, because Smash has a look that could never go out of style.
Well...maybe not never. But either way, you take away the face paint and it gets real sad real quick. If you want to not make it look like you work in a weird sex club, you really gotta wear the facepaint.

7. The Greatest Tag Team in XWF History
The Hulk Hogan Twins take on the South Philly Posse. HHT cement their status as the greatest tag team in XWF history with a win over the former Public Enemy. They win after the Nasty Boys come out to interfere against the twins but are stopped by the Road Warriors. Neither team in the match is really distracted by this, but it gives the Twins a reason to celebrate with The Road Warriors. This helped propel them to the WWE (three years later) as the long-remembered and longer-loved Gymini Twins.

6. Valentine's Day Blues
Greg Valentine pleads with Roddy Piper for a second straight week to give him a match. He still gets ignored. This may be one of the saddest things about the short-lived XWF. The Hammer owned the fed but couldn't get a match. I really hope that he was going to have his first match be for the World Title, and he was going to go on a Goldberg-like run through every XWF superstar in the organization.

5. JOSH FREAKIN' MATTHEWS
JOSH (he is such a huge star from Tough Enough that he requires just one name) is dressed like a bargain bin Hardy Boy with the addition of a shell necklace. He takes on Horace Hogan. Matthews gets dominated, and by dominated, I mean he hits ZERO offensive moves. Zero offensive moves does not stop him from winning, as he is able to roll up Horace Hogan with a small package for the victory. Thank God this federation ended before it had the chance for Josh to beat AJ Styles and Kid Kash at the same time.

4. Roddy Piper's Uncontrollable Racism
Before Snuka has his match against Vapor, they let Snuka Sr. talk in a completely unrelated segment that has nothing to do with the match. Roddy Piper, despite being a good guy up to this point, interrupts and calls them "coconut heads." Piper's now a heel, because he can't help himself from being super racist with Snuka. Mean Gene rightfully points out that if Piper is talking all that trash, they should fight. But just last week, Piper was told that he can't fight by the CEO. Of course, that brings out Rena who says he should fight. At this point, Piper is backed into a corner, so he does the only logical thing. He makes a match that has nothing to do with himself or the Snukas. END SCENE

3. Vampiro's Awareness Rating Is Zero
There should always be something to say anytime that Curt Hennig is in a match, but I just cannot say much of anything about this match. I'm even a noted Buff Bagwell fan, but still, this is just a match that happened. Hennig and Harrison win the match when Vampiro stands in the ring and stares at Ian Harrison while Curt Hennig pins Buff Bagwell, literally, a foot behind him.

Buff Bagwell gets angry about Vampiro apparently having ADD and forgetting he was in a tag match, so the whole locker room comes out to break up the shoving.

2. The Sable Army Grows
Sable not only got bodyguards in this episode. She also got assistants, possibly a board of directors? It isn't quite clear. Either way, if you wanted to see what feminism looked like in 2001, well, here you go.
The XWF can't be sexist. Not only did they put women in power, but they made sure they had large breasts, a notorious characteristic of females that men do not possess. #GirlPower

1. The Immortal Buff Perfect
I bet you thought that Brian Knobbs honoring those wrestlers that had passed away once was enough, but no. In a three episode DVD, he managed to get real twice. I almost didn't mention this, but I felt that I needed to mention that they really could have found a better photo for Curt Hennig.

I have no idea when Hennig started wearing Hulkamania colors and Buff Bagwell tophats, but apparently Brian Knobbs thought it was the most memorable portion of his career. Curt Hennig, you truly were a Perfect Friend.

Friday, April 6, 2018

WrestleMania 34 Betting Odds and Predictions

LJ: You know what time it is?  Time for Wrestlemania betting odds.  Before we get into the matches, I’ve got a question for you Hott Joe.  With all these matches, how many years do we have before the Wrestlemania card is literally 24 hours long?  I put the over under at 5.5.

Joe: They are already at seven hours minimum, and man, it comes to a point where that is simply too much wrestling. I went to Mania last year, and by the final hour, I just wanted things to end. New Japan had their show in Long Beach a couple weeks ago, and that show went  4.5 hours which I think is really as long as you should possibly go. But yeah, WWE will definitely hold a 24-hour card by 2025.

Raw Women’s Title Match Alexa Bliss 13/8 vs. Nia Jax 4/9
LJ: This is a no brainer, and I love the odds here.  Getting close to 1/2 on what should be one of the easiest matches to pick is great money.  Jax wins, and if the WWE has any sense, she wins in a quick and dominating fashion.  I’d go hot start for Jax for a couple minutes, she misses a big move, Bliss gets in a couple of minutes of heel offense/works her leg etc.  Jax comes back and wins in another 2, 6-8 minutes is all this match needs and there’s no other story it should tell except for Jax beating Bliss.

Joe: Oh, Jonah. Sweet, sweet baby Jonah. If you think this buildup needs to have Nia Jax go over, then may I remind you of the time Triple H was super racist towards Booker T for months before pinning him cleanly at WrestleMania. Jax SHOULD win, no doubt about it, but these odds almost seem too good to be true. I have to pick Nia Jax, but if I had to book it the other way, maybe the Iconic Duo comes out to help Bliss win the match and create a stable of hot chicks. Oh, and this definitely won’t be the last time I mention The Iconic Duo.

Cruiserweight Title Match Cedric Alexander 2/5 vs. Mustafa Ali 7/4. 
LJ: I’ll be honest, I don’t follow the Cruiserweight division like I do the rest of the WWE.  These guys are fighting for the vacant Cruiserweight Championship since neither one of them is a rapist or wife beater, that we know of.  I’ve seen Cedric Alexander before and he is one of the top talents in the division, so it makes sense for him to win here.  I’ll go with the favorite in Alexander.

Joe: Um…well, the one guy does very cool stuff, but the other guy, boy, you got to watch out for them flips, and, ah…(flips coin) Mustafa Ali wins to help the WWE spread their brand to (checks Wikipedia) Bolingbrook, Illinois? Eh, let’s go with it.

Smackdown Women’s Championship Charlotte Flair 4/1 vs. Asuka 1/7.
LJ: I feel like the WWE has booked themselves into a corner here.  Undefeated streaks are kind of stupid storylines anyways, and now Asuka almost has to win, but the question becomes who beats her eventually?  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, she should have lost her first NXT Title match against Bailey or to Ember Moon on her way out of NXT.  But anyway, if I was actually betting I’d stay away from this match because there’s a chance that Carmella cashes in to win the title.  She could do it during or after the match so if it was after I suppose Asuka would still technically be the winner of this match.  The odds are terrible in this match, but Asuka is going to win, I just wouldn’t recommend betting on it.

Joe: Asuka has to win this match. Carmella has to come out to at least hint at cashing in, but even if she cashes it in, she ain’t winning that title. The only way Charlotte wins is if she somehow convinces The Iconic Duo to join her in a new-age BFFs.

Kurt Angle and Ronda Rousey 1/5 vs. Triple H and Stephanie 5/1.
LJ: This seems super obvious as well.  You don’t bring in Ronda Rousey to have her lose her first match especially when it’s at Wrestlemania.  Wait, I feel like I’ve written this before, oh yeah when the WWE brought in Sting and had him lose to Triple H at Wrestlemania for no logical reason.  I’ll say Triple H pitches this backstage which turns the match into a shoot which the Olympians easily win.  Favorites are the pick again.

Joe: See, this is one where I could see an upset. Kurt Angle can take a pin here without any real issues going on. You were just complaining about how undefeated streaks are bad, so let’s not let Rousey get in one. Have her lose her first match and “protect the biz.” I never want to see Triple H or Stephanie win, but they might do it here, especially if Stephanie gets help from The Iconic Duo.

WWE World Championship Match AJ Styles 2/1 vs. Shinsuke Nakamura 2/5
LJ: The dream match, for people who like to watch good wrestling on a wrestling show.  I really hope they give these guys at least 30 minutes to really tear the house down, it should be a hell of a lot of fun.  In my opinion, Styles is the best wrestler/best all around performer in the world.  That being said, he’s had a good title run and it’s time to make Nakamura a main eventer.  The last time he was in the main event he was losing to Jinder Mahal.  They need to wash that stink off and make him a legitimate main event player, and that’s why he will beat Styles at Wrestlemania with a knee to face.

Joe: If Nakamura was still in Japan, he would probably be considered the greatest thing in wrestling. Instead, he has the stink of the WWE on him and some real lackadaisacal performances against mid-tier competition. I do think him and Styles have a pretty epic match here though. Honestly, they could just recreate Nakamura’s debut against Sami Zayn, and I’d be ecstatic. Nakamura wins, because he has no place to go if he doesn’t.

Universal Championship Match Brock Lesnar 4/1 vs. Roman Reigns 1/6
LJ: I mean come on, this is what the entire last year has been about.  This is why not one person has kicked out of the F5 in the past year.  This is why Braun Strowman isn’t the Universal Champ, or even near the match.  It’s all so Roman Reigns can conquer the unconquerable Brock Lesnar and be the champ.  I’ve got some commentary on this match, it will be a hell of a match.  Their first match was awesome before the cash in.  I just hope that the WWE listens to my warnings and doesn’t put this on last.  The worked shoot Brock Lesnar doesn’t show up for work and is going to the UFC angle has worked a lot better than I thought it would, but it’s not going to make Reigns a fan favorite when he wins.  Whoever he defends the title against first is going to be getting the better reactions, so they need to be ready for this.  Don’t let Reigns cut a promo over a minute long, have him beat people up, or just make him a heel.  Book him as such and things will eventually go his way and since they’re insistent on it happening, I can only hope they go about it smartly.

Joe: Little known fact: When you beat The Undertaker at WrestleMania, you absorb his undefeated prowess at WrestleMania. Lesnar has not been pinned or submitted since beating The Deadman and neither has Roman Reigns. This will be the ultimate test. I really like Roman Reigns, so I’m going to pick The Big Dog to take out The Beast.

John Cena ? vs. The Undertaker ?

LJ: So I don’t see any odds for this match, which I guess makes sense because there’s no guarantee it will happen.  In wrestling though, there’s very rarely build up like this with no payoff.  If they fight, and I think it will happen, I think The Undertaker wins.  I’m also very torn on my feelings about this match.  It’s a match I desperately want to see, or wanted to see five years ago when Taker was undefeated at Wrestlemania and Cena barely ever lost.  Also, though Cena’s “desperation” for a Wrestlemania match has been played pretty well, him calling out the 50 something year old Undertaker for not wanting to wrestle any more is a bit off putting.  On the other hand, if this match does happen I absolutely hate the fact that Cena has done all the build for this match.  The Undertaker could have bothered to come back for a segment or two, just like he could have against Bray Wyatt, where if I remember correctly, Wyatt did all the build and Taker showed up at Mania and got the win.

Joe: I’m not sure who the winner of this match will be, but I can tell you who the loser will be, and that’s the fans, because this match will suck ass if it happens. Undertaker’s garbage, don’t @ me.

LJ: I can’t find actual odds for the other matches, just mentions of who the favorite is so I guess we can talk about those.

Joe: I’m going to go rapid fire on my responses, because if Vegas won’t talk about these matches, neither should I.

Intercontinental Championship Match The Miz vs. Finn Balor vs. Seth Rollins.
LJ: Balor is apparently the favorite in this match, which is understandable.  The guy should be higher up the card, and should have been ever since his return.  I’ll never understand how someone else injuring you is a negative against the injured.  I’m going against the grain in this match though, and I’m going with The Miz to retain.  Miz retains, Balor and Rollins move up into the actual main event part of the card going forward, and Miz gets to become the longest reigning Intercontinental Champ of all time. 

Joe: I’ll take Seth Rollins, because Davenport, Iowa is the master and the ruler of the world.

Women’s Battle Royal Match:
LJ: Sasha Banks is the heavy favorite and is around even money to win.  She’s a great choice, and is probably the best all around women’s wrestler in the division.  Now that she’s back to heel, where she should be, she should be a lot more watchable.  I have to imagine Bayley is up there too, and a win here would really rebuild her credibility which has taken a beating due to terrible booking.  The only other real possibility I can see if Becky Lynch, who hasn’t been buried like Bayley has, but has really been underused.  Beyond that, I have no idea, maybe one of the Bellas if they’re coming back full time?  Ember Moon?  Rodeo lover Tamina?  It’s really got to be one of the Horsewomen, so I’ll go with my personal favorite Bayley to win it.

Joe: Iconic Duo both win.

Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal:

LJ: This one’s tough because I’m really not sure who’s in it.  In past years there were a few big names in it to choose from, this year everyone is in a 3 or 4 way match so it’s kind of tough to figure out who’s not already in a match who could win.  The names that jump out at me that don’t have a match are Matt and Jeff Hardy, Bray Wyatt, and Elias.  Big Cass and Samoa Joe could be healthy enough for a return, and while the battle royal doesn’t feel like a great use of Joe it could be a good use for Big Cass.  Beyond them, maybe a thank you win for Kane?  Someone in a tag team that could have a bright future ahead of them like Chad Gable?  A re debuting Bobby Lashley?  To make an official pick, I’ll take Elias.  He’s plenty over and way too important to be doing nothing at Wrestlemania.  Let him win the battle royal and sing about it for a year.

Joe: What better way to memorialize Andre The Giant than having his greatest rival, Hulk Hogan, come back to win the Battle Royal. Hulk ain’t taking no bumps, brother.

Raw Tag Team Championship Match The Bar vs. Braun and ???

LJ: Brains Strowman would be pretty awesome, but I don’t think he’s the real pick.  The best options for the pick are the guys who could win the Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal.  Could be Elias who has been MIA since a feud with Braun, could be a reborn Bray Wyatt who has history with Strowman.  Could be Big Cass for giant tag team.  Could be Bobby Lashely for some reason or other.  Some NXT guy?  All those choices make a lot more sense than my official choice, James Ellsworth.  It all comes full circle with Ellsworth, he started off being dominated by Braun so he makes his triumphant return as his tag team partner.  Also, Braun and whoever are winning this match because Braun needs to be kept busy and out of the World Title picture while Roman is trying to get over.  Defending the tag team belts is a great way for him to do that.

Joe: Braun Strowman’s partner will be Big Show, and they will win.

US Title Match: Randy Orton vs. Jinder Mahal vs. Bobby Roode vs. Rusev
LJ: I’ve read Jinder is the favorite in this match, so I’m happy to pick against the favorite in this one.  I get the guy is muscular and foreign, but so is Rusev.  Rusev is also charasmatic as all get out and a hell of a worker in the ring.  It’s time for the WWE to actually get behind pushing this future world champion and give Rusev the win on the grandest stage of them all.

Joe: It’s RUSEV DAY!

Smackdown Tag Team Title Match: The Usos vs. The New Day vs. The Bludgeon Brothers
LJ: Couldn’t find any mention of this match so no idea who the favorite is.  I’ll take the Bludgeon Brothers, if they fail here it seems like the tag team is pretty much dead, so if you want to keep Harper and Rowan together they need to win.  Have them feud with The Usos for a few months, should be fun.  Have The New Day move onto pursuing singles gold since Big E is a future world champion.

Joe: New Day Rocks!

Daniel Bryan and Shane McMahon vs. Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn
LJ: Well for this story to make any sense, Kevin and Sami have to win since they can’t be fired.  Of course I said that about Shane McMahon beating The Undertaker so that story could continue, and then it just did for no raisin.  In theory, I guess they could go to RAW after Wrestlemania if they lose this match.  This is Daniel Bryan’s first match back in years though, he can’t lose clean.  In a Russoesque twist, I see Shane McMahon costing Daniel Bryan the match allowing Kevin and Sami to win the match and regain their jobs. 

Joe: Owens and Zayn win when Brie Bella costs Daniel Bryan the match. She then says the baby is actually Sami Zayn’s. I also predict Shane McMahon sweats a lot.

LJ: In terms of crazy surprises you can probably bet on somewhere, I think The Rock makes a polite appearance.  In much more surprising news, I think Connor McGregor and Donald Trump make appearances.  Trump possibly via satelite, but maybe in person.  He’s got to get ready to be the XFL commissioner in 2020.  Since we’re in New Orleans, I hope we get a visit from everyone’s favorite Voodoo Doctor Papa Shango.  I’ve saved the best and most shocking surprise for last.  Kid Rock’s performance will be interrupted by WCW legends The No Limit Soldiers.  Master P will do whatever his finishing maneuver was, and the group will lead the crowd in a rousing rendition of Make Em Say Uhhhh.

Joe: Rock, Hogan, Stone Cold, short-haired Shawn Michaels, Scott Hall, and Dan “The Beast” Severn. Oh, and The Iconic Duo.

Thursday, March 30, 2017

Breaking Down the Betting Odds of WrestleMania 33

Lukewarm Jonah: It’s the most wonderful time of the year, Wrestlemania season and that means Wrestlemania betting odds.  Joe will be there in person, but just in case he wants to pay for his ticket by winning a bunch of bets on one of the most underwhelming Wrestlemania’s in recent memory we’re going to look at the odds for the matches at the grandest stage of em all.

Joe: Let's face it, the WrestleMania 33 card looks like ass on paper. The main events were basically designed to give me the least excitement possible, so if I can't see a great WrestleMania card, maybe I can at least make some money off of this thing. Let's break down the odds and find the best bets for this Sunday.
AJ Styles (1/7)  vs. Shane McMahon (11/2):
Lukewarm Jonah: Remember last year when I picked Shane McMahon to win since he had to win in order to continue the storyline?  Well they showed me by mentioning it briefly on RAW the next day then never speaking of it again.  Anyways, AJ Styles is the best wrestler in the company by far and best all around performer.  So he’s been rewarded with dropping the world title and having a match with a non wrestler whose last name is McMahon.  If the WWE does anything besides have Styles run over McMahon after Shane jumps off of something they’re stupid.  That being said, they are very stupid.  I’m still sticking with Styles winning as he pretty much has to, but never doubt a McMahon winning a match for no reason.  

Joe: Yeah, AJ Styles pretty much has to win this match. The only conceivable reason that Shane would win is to get AJ on Raw, which I wouldn’t be totally opposed to, but the only reason I won’t boo is if the Mean Street Posse comes out to help Shane win it. Maybe a Shield style triple powerbomb with the help of Joey Abs and Pete Gas?

Neville (4/11) vs. Austin Aries (15/8):
LJ: This should be a fantastic match.  I know Joe isn’t a big fan of Aries but he was really coming into his own right as he was hurt.  Neville has been great as the King of the Cruiserweights.  They should tear the house down and have a really fun match, but I’m actually taking Aries the underdog.  He’s fresh and he’s getting big reactions from the crowd.  How am I going to bet against the Greatest Man Whoever Lived?

Joe: I am looking forward to this match as this is finally an opportunity for us little guys to shine. The cruiserweight division debuted with a wet fart, but Neville came in to save the day. I think they ride with Neville as the leader for a while longer, and he gives me at least one, “Holy shit” moment.

John Cena and Nikki Bella (1/7) vs. The Miz and Maryse (6/1)
LJ: Miz and Maryse have been carrying this feud like crazy and are doing incredible work.  That being said, those odds are probably not long enough for them.  Cena and Bella are going to win this match and have a big Wrestlemania moment.  There’s a prop bet later that I’d like to talk about, which I think all but ensures Cena and Bella’s win.

Joe: I hope this is the main event, just to give everyone horrific flashbacks to when Miz and Cena main evented a WrestleMania, and it was awful...wait a second, I’m going to be there. This is probably not a wise thing to wish upon myself. I’ll go with Cena and Bella too.

Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal:




Braun Strowman
1/8
Tye Dillinger
25/1
Neville
50/1
Finn Balor
7/1
Karl Anderson
25/1
Zack Ryder
50/1
Samoa Joe
7/1
Apollo Crews
25/1
Tyler Breeze
50/1
Big Show
7/1
Shawn Michaels
25/1
Titus O'Neil
50/1
Sami Zayn
11/1
Austin Aries
25/1
HHH
50/1
Big Cass
12/1
Randy Orton
25/1
Bo Dallas
66/1
Luke Harper
14/1
John Cena
25/1
Jimmy Uso
66/1
Kurt Angle
20/1
Dean Ambrose
25/1
Heath Slater
66/1
Elias Samson
20/1
Big E
25/1
Charlotte
66/1
Mark Henry
20/1
AJ Styles
25/1
Jey Uso
66/1
Kofi Kingston
22/1
Luke Gallows
25/1
Goldust
80/1
Shinsuke Nakamura
22/1
Kevin Owens
25/1
Curtis Axel
80/1
Dolph Ziggler
22/1
Sheamus
25/1
R-Truth
80/1
The Miz
22/1
Jeff Hardy
33/1
Darren Young
80/1
Kane
22/1
Kalisto
33/1
Jack Swagger
90/1
Rusev
22/1
Roman Reigns
33/1
Batista
100/1
Seth Rollins
22/1
Chris Jericho
33/1
The Undertaker
100/1
Baron Corbin
22/1
The Rock
33/1
Brock Lesnar
100/1
Cesaro
22/1
Hulk Hogan
33/1
Conor McGregor
150/1
Hideo Itami
22/1
Stone Cold Steve Austin
33/1
CM Punk
200/1
Bobby Roode
25/1
Xavier Woods
50/1
Ronda Rousey
250/1

LJ: Always some interesting and fun odds on the Andre The Giant memorial Battle Royal.  Good odds on anyone not named Braun Strowman.  It’s easy to see why, he’s a monster and he just lost some of his heat by being beaten by Reigns.  The two names I’m interested in are two guys who were interesting in the Royal Rumble, Finn Balor and Sami Zyan.  I think they hold off on Balor’s return to help Seth out so I’ll go with good old underdog Sami Zyan to win it.

Joe: Looking at this list, it’s pretty shocking how many great wrestlers have nothing important to do at WrestleMania. Braun Strowman has been awesome these past few months, Samoa Joe has been eating people’s hearts, and Sami Zayn is my (insert heart emoji). Oh yeah, there’s also Dolph Ziggler, Luke Harper, and THE ENTIRE NEW DAY. They should, like, put all of those people in a Money in the Bank match for my own happiness. Instead, they’re probably all in this battle royal, and I guess I’ll go with Sami Zayn, as I don’t see any surprise debut appearances, and eventually Sami Zayn needs to win something.

Kevin Owens (2/7) vs. Chris Jericho (3/1) United States Title Match
LJ: By far the best booked storyline going into Wrestlemania.  The Kevin and Chris friendship express was extremely entertaining for months and the Festival of Friendship was one of the best segments in years.  Owens is the favorite here since he’s the full time guy and rumor is Jericho might be going on tour with Fozzy soon.  I’m actually taking the underdog Jericho here to win and redeem himself by getting revenge on the guy who screwed him over.  I’m guessing there’s an Owens destruction the next night on RAW but I’m taking Jericho to pull off the win here.

Joe: This is definitely the most interesting storyline, and that’s because it’s from two of wrestling’s most entertaining performers. Even as a Jerchoholic, I’ll admit, I did not see Jericho having this sort of run again. He has been so phenomenal this past year, and it’s truly incredible that he has found a way to reinvent himself yet again. And that’s not taking anything away from Owens who is relentless in and out of the ring, and he will literally just wear you down with everything he does until you are entertained. Still, Jericho deserves to get one up on Owens so I’m going to agree with you and take Jericho to get the win.

The Club (11/10) vs. Enzo and Big Cass (7/5) vs. Sheamus and Cesaro (5/2) RAW Tag Team Title match.
LJ: The Club has been booked terribly since coming to the WWE and they continue their terrible booking by attacking their partners in a handicap match ensuring that they’ll be in a triple threat at Wrestlemania.  But Enzo and Big Cass are the picks here, the WWE wants to push them and they should.  They’ll give them their Wrestlemania moment of winning the tag team titles here.  Probably after The Club lays down and lets them beat them because they’re just tired of carrying them around.

Joe: Well, Monday night, to build interest in this tag match, it was turned into a ladder match, but I was already excited, mostly because it has my man Antonio Cesaro in it. Now that there’s a ladder involved, expect Cesaro to do something incredibly dangerous and/or incredibly strong in this match. I still don’t think him and Sheamus are winning, as I agree that it’s probably time to put the belts on Enzo Amore and Colin Cassady.

Bayley (1/3) vs. Sasha Banks (3/1) vs. Charlotte (8/1) vs. Nia Jax (14/1).  RAW Women’s Title match.
LJ: How terribly has this been booked?  It’s really how terribly Bayley has been booked.  He have a dominant heel champ with a PPV unbeaten streak and the biggest PPV of the year coming up.  We also have an organically over babyface in Bayley that basically everyone loves.  Let’s have the babyface win the title on RAW by interference, and break the PPV streak at a nothing PPV by interference.  Perfect.  Anyways,the one part of this feud that’s been booked decently is the fact that Sasha Banks should be turning heel soon and I think she turns heel at Wrestlemania.  Charlotte was right this entire time and Banks screws over Bayley at Wrestlemania and takes the title.  The good news going forward is that RAW has almost no face women, but hey who cares right?

Joe: I agree that Bayley has been booked terribly, but this is the match that I am most confident in delivering an awesome performance. It’s kind of crazy how much women’s wrestling has changed in the past couple years. Two years ago, Paige had the main women’s match, and I’m pretty sure it was against Nikki Bella but not totally sure. Either way, it was totally forgettable. Of course, two nights before that, Sasha Banks and Charlotte tore it up at the NXT show, and it is absolutely criminal that that match is not available for viewing, because it was pretty damn awesome. Anyway, Charlotte and Sasha Banks are the two best women’s wrestlers around; Bayley isn’t far behind (but she is behind), and Nia Jax plays an important role of just getting to ragdoll little girls like Sasha. But I agree with you, Bruce Springsteen (The Boss) wins the title here.

Alexa Bliss (5/2) vs. Becky Lynch (5/2) vs. Mickie James (6/1) vs. Natalya (9/1) vs. Carmella (14/1) vs. Naomi (5/4) vs. ???
LJ: So, it’s the Smackdown women’s title match Alexa Bliss taking on all available Smackdown women.  There are odds on a few more women, and Asuka is one of them at (16/1).  The smart money seems to be on Naomi returning and winning the belt she never lost.  Becky Lynch is always a threat and Mickie James has some attractive odds as well.  Carmella is definitely more likely to win this match than Natalya so I like her odds as well.  The “All available Smackdown women” comment from Daniel Bryan has to mean that someone unexpected will win the match.  I’ll go with the favorite Naomi to make her return and take back the title.  

Joe: Here’s my surprise for Mania. Asuka wins the Smackdown Women’s Title. I think she loses her NXT title on Saturday night, and then makes her surprise debut in this match and wrecks worlds.

Seth Rollins (1/4) vs. Triple H (7/2) Unsanctioned match
LJ: First question, what the hell is an unsanctioned match, and if anyone’s in one why is it the CFO of the company?  I honestly don’t know if this means it’s a No DQ match or what, but Rollins should really win.  Triple H is always the biggest, toughest, coolest guy in feuds and he’s pretty much dominated Rollins to this point.  But Rollins is his guy, Triple H really likes him so I’m going to do something that’s bitten me in the ass before and think that Rollins picks up the win here.  He probably gets a Samoa Joe beatdown afterwards to write him off while he recovers, but I think he pulls it out.

Joe: Jonah, don’t you get it? All other WrestleMania matches are sanctioned, but this match, this match is unsanctioned. Triple H wrote up an ironclad contract (thanks to help from Big Johnny) that means that Seth Rollins can’t sue no matter what Triple H does. Triple H is known as The Game. What’s the world’s most dangerous game? That’s right, hunting fellow human beings. Triple H is going to shoot Seth Rollins, but it’ll be fine, because it’s unsanctioned. Seth Rollins still wins, because DAVENPORT, IOWA RULES!

Roman Reigns (2/7) vs. The Undertaker (5/2)
LJ: Don’t worry everybody, the WWE heard your demands for a dream match and put the top face against The Undertaker, that’s right it’s John Cena oh crap I mean Roman Reigns.  It’s the Big Dog’s yard now everybody.  Also, please call him the Big Dog and wear my super illegally designed Big Dog Roman Reigns shirt while you do it.  Rumor has it, this might be The Undertaker’s last match.  I don’t think it is, but who knows.  It sure looks like this is when Roman Reigns finally turns heel because you know he’s getting booed out of the building if he beats The Undertaker.  Instead, Roman probably beats The Undertaker, Taker shakes his hand and passes the torch to him and crowds continue to shit all over it.  Big Dog for the win.

Joe: Oh man do I not give a shit about supernatural characters. I’ll take Undertaker, because he’s due for a win at Mania. He hasn’t gotten one in a year.

Dean Ambrose (+350) vs. Baron Corbin (-600) Intercontinental Title match.
LJ: I’m a little surprised by these odds too.  I mean it makes sense that they want to push Corbin as the new monster and give him a good title win, but he dropped a forklift on Ambrose and it sure seems like he should get his revenge.  So screw it, I’m going with Ambrose getting that revenge on Corbin and winning at Wrestlemania.

Joe: I’ll agree that these odds are surprising. I thought I could make good money off Corbin, as I think it makes sense for him to win, mostly because a small child could produce more believable offense than Dean Ambrose. So let’s stick with the Lone Wolf to go 2-0 at WrestleManias and make a real run at Undertaker’s streak.

Randy Orton (4/11) vs. Bray Wyatt (13/5) WWE Championship match.
LJ: This is actually a bit of a tough one to call.  Orton’s storyline is that he couldn’t beat Bray so he joined on him and then turned on him and burnt down his house.  Wyatt got his revenge by rubbing dirt on himself.  The conclusion of this storyline should be Orton winning and finally overcoming Wyatt.  However, Wyatt just won the title a month ago and is getting very strong reactions.  Also, he did get his house burnt down, so the WWE’s 50/50 booking should get the win.  It’s a tough one, but I’m taking the favorite Orton.  The WWE sure loves them some Randy Orton so he probably gets his redemption and wins the title.

Joe: Oh man do I not give a shit about supernatural characters. Let’s go with Bray Wyatt winning with help from Sister Abigail who will be portrayed by noneother than Sunny. Now that’s a prediction.

Brock Lesnar (1/9) vs. Goldberg (9/1) WWE Universal Title match.
LJ: Here it is folks your main event of the evening.  Which part timer will win the championship?  Obviously, Goldberg has completely dominated this feud going back to the time they fought years ago.  This means Lesnar basically has to win the belt.  At least he can last more than two minutes in a match.  The real question is whether he walks out with the belt, or if we get some shenanigans to get the title on someone who actually appears on RAW.  Could be at Wrestlemania, could be the next night on RAW, or he could just hold the belt, appear every couple of months and eventually lose it to Roman Reigns.

Joe: Holy shit, they really need Lesnar to win this thing. I hope it’s a shoot and we see who the better real fighter is. But if they want to make it interesting, you have Lesnar win, and then you have the man who never lost the title, Finn Balor, come out, challenge Brock Lesnar to an impromptu match and win the title before the night ends. It makes everybody happy, except for Goldberg’s shirtless child, but judging by that belly, the sweets he’s been eating should keep him fat and happy.

Prop Bets:
LJ: My favorite prop bet of the night is whether John Cena proposes to Nikki Bella at Wrestlemania.  Yes is (4/9) and I’m betting this happens for sure.  The angle has been about Nikki Bella being unable to get Cena to propose and you know Cena wants to do it at Wrestlemania.  Also, wasn’t The Big Show supposed to fight Shaq?  It looks like this match isn’t happening but you can bet on whether or not Shaq (4/1) will appear in the ring at Wrestlemania, so if it does happen you can bet on it and win some money.  There’s also a prop bet for whether or not Finn Balor (4/9) appears in a ring and I think that’s almost guaranteed so that’s a safe one too.  There are no odds for a Smackdown Tag Team title match, but The Usos will probably retain against American Alpha.  

Joe: I’m not sure about prop bets, but I already predicted an appearance from Asuka. Also, I say Hulk Hogan makes his triumphant return, and we also get appearances from The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin, and Vin Diesel. Since there should probably be an NXT guy in the battle royal, I’ll go with Tye Dillinger maybe getting the permanent callup at this point. And finally, I’ll say that Dolph Ziggler pays homage to Rick Rude and air brushes Jake Roberts’s wife on his crotch. Where can I get odds on that?