Monday, June 3, 2019

The WWE Is Ruining... Gran Metalik

Gran Metalik is one third of a tag team. I think that pretty much sums up WWE's creative process better than any other sentence. This isn't six-man tag matches that he's participating in, and it's not even the Freebird Rule where guys sub in and out. No, they just go 3-on-2 and still lose which isn't the best way to get a guy over. Hell, even when they win, it's not like you can really be impressed by it.

Gran Metalik really reminds me of the old WCW Cruiserweights. He's basically a nondescript Mexican Luchador, and it reminds me that it took a very long time before I could tell the difference between Psicosis and Juventud Guerrera. There really wasn't any difference between them until Juvi lost his mask. But what really set them apart was giving Juvi a real personality.

So let's give Gran Metalik a personality. I know nothing about him and what he would be comfortable with, but I already have the perfect idea whether he likes it or not. What does Gran Metalik rhyme with? Freak. So let's turn Gran Metalik into a modern-day Big Poppa Pump and have all his freaks come out with him. Steiner cared about his freaks and his peaks, so Metalik could care about his freaks and his mystique, because keeping his mask is the key to that mystique. The better option would be his freaks and his antiques, and if Gran Metalik starts assessing WWE collector items while surrounded by scantily clad women, I AM ALL THE WAY IN. God, the feud he would have after telling Zack Ryder that his action figure collection is worthless would be the most heated rivalry of 2019.

I've had a lot of great ideas to help save WWE superstars, but this is the one that I am most passionate about. Please, WWE, make Gran Metalik a ladies man/antiquarian and just enjoy counting your money, because this idea is priceless.

Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Alicia Fox
Andrade "Cien" Almas
Apollo Crews
Bayley
Big E
Big Show

Bo Dallas
Bobby Lashley
Bobby Roode
Braun Strowman
Brock Lesnar
Carmella
Chad Gable

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