Showing posts with label Daniel Bryan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Daniel Bryan. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 8, 2019

WWE Is Ruining... Buddy Murphy

We’re all on the same page on this one. Buddy Murphy OWNS. Right? Like, that dude is just great. He has been putting on phenomenal matches that nobody sees on 205 Live, and then got called up to the main roster and once he accidentally got in a feud with Roman Reigns, started putting on phenomenal matches on Smackdown.

He never actually wins these matches, so this is where I would like to see WWE possibly do something different creatively. How about instead of Buddy Murphy losing, he wins instead? They gave him a win over Daniel Bryan which was incredible but then had him lose that momentum immediately by losing to Ali in the King of the Ring. Now, Ali is great too, but a situation fell into their lap where Murphy could have been rocketed towards the upper tier, and they let that situation completely peter out.

He’s had three great matches in a row on SmackDown between Reigns, Bryan, and Ali, so keep putting him in against strong Smackdown wrestlers and let the man go wild. That's the logical step, right? Instead, he has completely disappeared in a classic WWE move that kills all momentum, and yet, they wonder, how come they cannot create new stars?

Anyway, it's a huge week for wrestling with SmackDown debuting on Fox, so I am absolutely positive that they will not find a reason to put Buddy on television, but they should. He's the kind of wrestler that you put on television and casual fans who think that wrestling is stupid can say, "Oh, that guy does some cool stuff. I like him." Instead, they'll feature a newer, more athletic version of professional wrestling by wheeling out Hulk Hogan to give a ten-minute promo where he only actually says about 20 words. I'm a lifelong Hulkamaniac, but giving Buddy Murphy and Chad Gable or Ali or Apollo Crews or Sami Zayn OR OR OR, because they do have a stupid amount of talent, ten minutes of television time would be a way better use of keeping consumers coming back.

In conclusion, Buddy Murphy owns. Please put him on television.

Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Akam

Ali
Alicia Fox
Andrade "Cien" Almas
Apollo Crews
Bayley
Big E
Big Show
Bo Dallas
Bobby Lashley
Bobby Roode
Braun Strowman
Brock Lesnar
Carmella

Cesaro
Chad Gable

Monday, August 26, 2019

The WWE Is Ruining...The Miz

The Miz is an A-Lister, but the WWE does not seem to be treating him as such. He transitioned a successful movie career into his own reality television show, but still the WWE seems to be doing everything they can to ignore his greatness. I can’t believe that I’m not saying this facetiously, because The Miz figured out how to be pretty great.

Basically, The Miz is what Jon Moxley is trying to become. Neither guy is dynamite in the ring, but they are serviceable, but it’s the character that they bring that will help make them stars. Obviously, these characters diverge to go on very different paths, but they bring you in enough with their character work that you can overlook some sloppiness in the ring, because you are invested in the story. They’re both a little more old school in that way.

The Miz was one of the hottest acts they had last year, and then they put him with Shane McMahon. Usually, that lone is a death sentence, but The Miz actually found a way to get it over with the crowd, and he became beloved. Finally, Shane McMahon turned on The Miz, and The Miz got his revenge by losing cleanly...repeatedly.

In a match, there is a winner and a loser. At least I thought so. After doing this series, I am convinced that every match must be a fatal four-way, because I swear that there are three times as many losers as winners in WWE. Before a couple weeks ago against Dolph Ziggler, when do you think was the last time that The Miz got a win on TV that didn’t involve Elias? That would be March 5 against Jey Uso, and that was just to set him up to lose in the tag title match at Fastlane.

Luckily, there is an easy fix. Let him feud with someone important and give him time to build a feud. He made a Shane McMahon feud interesting, just imagine if he had someone talented to go up against. He’s also shown that he can be a heel or face, so it wouldn’t be that hard to transition him against anyone on the roster. I mean, would it really be that hard to put him in a World Title feud with either current champion?

The Miz is versatile enough to fill any role the WWE needs right now, but he deserves a better role than trying to get Shane McMahon over. Honestly, it may be time for some piddly feuds to build up to a Daniel Bryan match at WrestleMania. That would be giving the people what they want, so for WWE, I guess that means it would have to be at Takeover instead.

Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Akam

Ali
Alicia Fox
Andrade "Cien" Almas
Apollo Crews
Bayley
Big E
Big Show
Bo Dallas
Bobby Lashley
Bobby Roode
Braun Strowman
Brock Lesnar
Carmella
Chad Gable

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

6 Things That Stood Out About the WWE Draft

The WWE Brand Split Draft happened last night, and, like any draft, these things cannot happen without controversy. I wanted to highlight what stood out for me, while making my case to be Smackdown's Assistant GM.

1. Seth Rollins Goes #1
This is the correct choice for the first overall draft pick. He went number one in Jonah's and my WWE Fantasy Draft, and there's really not anybody that should have been taken ahead of him. At least they didn't mess this part up.

2. Finn Balor and American Alpha Are Drafted into Stardom
We basically knew these were coming as why else would you have Balor take a couple of losses in the last few weeks and have American Alpha ever lose? This was the reason, and they are no worse off for taking those losses. They immediately get drafted as big deals, and it'll be interesting to see how they try to progress their careers now that they've made it to the big show.

3. The Other NXT Picks
This was a travesty. Let's start off with a caveat that champions were not eligible for the draft, so Samoa Joe, The Revival, and Asuka are all off the board. Still, these were their picks? I have no issue with any of the three ladies taken, as I actually think they are all very good, but I have also watched all of them get a ton better in the last few months, and I'd way rather see them continue to get better for the next few months. Oh, and the fact that we're supposed to believe that Shane and Daniel Bryan sat in a room together, decided they needed an NXT female with the last pick of the draft, and had the following conversation:

Shane: Let's go with Carmella.
Daniel: What about Bayley?
Shane: You mean Billie? Billie Kay? I don't think she's ready. 
Daniel: No, Bayley.
Shane: Wait, it's Bayley Kay? 
Daniel: No, just Bayley.
Shane: Oh, so she dropped half her name, like Antonio Cesaro. Well, that changes things, but I'm still going with Carmella.
Daniel: God damnit.

Okay, now that I typed it out, I could totally have seen that happening. Now imagine the same conversation happening but instead Shane goes with Mojo Rawley while discounting Shinsuke Nakamura for not being hype enough.

4. WWE and Black Superstars
Remember when Apollo Crews was heralded as the guy who could change WWE's inability to promote black superstars to headlining positions within the company? I remember that. The WWE definitely does not remember that. Apollo Crews is phenomenal in the ring, and I feel like people forget how good he is, because he has no character development outside of a nice smile. He could be something, and the brand split should theoretically help a guy like this out, but the WWE hasn't given us much reason to have faith in their promotion of black superstars, so I'm not going to hold my breath.

5. A Missed Opportunity
Wouldn't it have been great to see Raw as the established superstars side of things, and Smackdown just oozing with straight wrestling. It's not like Raw has to be completely depleted of wrestlers. I know of a simple trade that could benefit both sides (it would greatly help Smackdown)

Smackdown trades John Cena and Randy Orton to Raw.
Raw trades Sami Zayn, Cesaro, and Neville to Smackdown.

Who says no to that? Because right now, I don't have a whole lot of reason to tune in to Smackdown. It's American Alpha, seeing if WWE wants to push Dolph Ziggler after taking a few years off, and the whether Mojo Rawley can stay hyped. That third reason was a joke, because my other option was going to be the WWE figuring out how to push Apollo Crews, but that seemed like more of a joke.

Basically, if trades are allowed, I demand the position of Assistant General Manager on Smackdown. DB, I know you're reading this, so just imagine me as your Jonah Hill, and you, my Brad Pitt, as we Moneyball the shit out of the Raw roster.

6. Did Shane and Stephanie Shoot Draft These Rosters?
I know that Shane is super beloved and everything, but are we sure he doesn't have the opinions of his father? Like, he hasn't been around for a while, and there is a pretty good chance that his wrestling tastes have not evolved in the last decade. And Stephanie, although hated onscreen, has watched NXT blossom thanks to guidance from her husband, so maybe she has a better grasp of where wrestling is going, as opposed to where it's been. Think about the simplistic justification that could have been used by Shane to make these picks:

Dean Ambrose - Champion
AJ Styles - Beat John Cena
John Cena - Is John Cena
Randy Orton - I remember him being really important the last time I was around.
Bray Wyatt - New Undertaker
Becky Lynch - Oh shit, they just got Sasha Banks.
The Miz - Intercontinental Champion
Natalya - Her Dad beat up my Dad (I'm assuming Shane does not understand the Hart family dynamics and thinks Bret is her Dad)
The Ascension - New Demolition
Alexa Bliss and Eva Marie - Hot

Are we positive that Shane didn't really make these picks and let Daniel Bryan have like 1 out of 10 picks where he could take Dolph Ziggler, American Alpha, and Apollo Crews? Also, doesn't this explain the biggest fall in the draft, Kevin Owens? Stephanie probably knew that Shane has the old school mentality that fat guys can't be important, so she locked up Sami Zayn early, knowing that she could grab Kevin Owens later on since Shane would never take a fat guy? You can tell me I'm wrong about this draft being a shoot, but you can't 100% convince me of it.

Thursday, January 21, 2016

2016 Royal Rumble Predictions With Betting Odds

It's that special time of the year where Hott Joe and Lukewarm Jonah come together to write about the Royal Rumble betting odds. Do you want to win the big money? Do you want to make the Powerball winners look more like people who can only afford TV Dinners? Well, then I have just the breakdown for you. Take it away, Jonah.

Jonah: If there’s one complaint I hear the most it’s that there aren’t enough articles about betting on a predetermined event.  Also, I just really, really love talking about wrestling.  So with that in mind it’s time for the Royal Rumble betting odds article. Here are the odds for the big match. 

Royal Rumble Winner:
Triple H: +105
Roman Reigns: +225
Brock Lesnar: +250
Rusev: +1400
Dean Ambrose: +1800
Daniel Bryan: +1800
The Rock: +1800
Kevin Owens: +2000
The Undertaker: +2000
Ryback: +2500
Bray Wyatt: +2500
Big Show: +2500
AJ Styles: +3300
Sheamus: +3300
Shinsuke Nakamura: +3500
Braun Strowman: +3500
Cesaro: +3500
Dolph Ziggler: +4000
Randy Orton: +4000
Finn Balor: +5000
Big E: +6600
Kane: +6600
King Barrett: +6600
Neville: +6600
Titus O’Neil: +8000
Alex Riley: +10000
Bo Dallas: +10000
Curtis Axel: +10000
Damien Sandow: +10000
Darren Young: +10000
Erick Rowan: +10000
Fandango: +10000
Goldust: +10000
Heath Slater: +10000
Kofi Kingston: +10000
Luke Harper: +10000
Mark Henry: +10000
R-Truth: +10000
Stardust: +10000
The Miz: +10000
Tyson Kidd: +10000
Vince or Shane McMahon: +10000
Zack Ryder: +10000
Adam Rose: +15000
Fernando: +15000
El Torito: +15000
Stone Cold: +20000

Jonah: Hott Joe and I already discussed this a lot on the phone, but Triple H was my initial pick for Rumble winner.  We haven’t seen him in a very long time and the last time we saw him he got his ass handed to him by Roman.  Also, we have to consider how HHH books himself; as the greatest of all time.  If he wins then I’m sure Roman will get the shot at Wrestlemania and HHH will probably put him over there, but is that really how you want to book your top star?  After our conversation I thought about it a little longer, and after seeing the odds I’m betting on Roman to retain.  I think the possibility of either him or HHH winning is 50/50 and Roman is giving better than 2/1 on your money.  Roman losing the title here means he probably wins it back at Wrestlemania.  Because of the Sheamus cash in that will already make him a 3 time World Heavyweight Champion in the course of a few months.  What is this, Russo booked WCW?  Smark burn.  You don’t want to devalue your belt or the champion by hotshotting it too much.  Also, I don’t give Lesnar a shot since he’s now feuding with the Wyatts, they’ll probably come in after they’ve all been eliminated and cheaply eliminate him.  

Joe: Christ. Triple H is favored to win this thing? You have GOT to be kidding me. At first, I thought that the crowd would be too upset to let this happen, but then I remembered that it is in Orlando, home of NXT and the WWE Performance Center, which means that if Triple H is getting cheered anywhere, it would probably be down there. There is also a strong rumor that next year’s WrestleMania will be held there, and if he made that announcement earlier in the show, well, hell, I might cheer for him then, because that is a two-hour drive I would definitely be making in 2017. But I’m not ready to pick any of the three favorites.

Jonah: So Reigns is my betting pick, but I feel like talking about wrestling some more so I’m going to go over some of my favorite long shot picks.  

Daniel Bryan at 18/1.  Still the most over guy in the company.  If he returns, he has to win or else you’ll have the third Rumble in a row that has the crowd shitting all over it.  The question is, does he return?  It’s a long shot, but like I said, if he’s there, he’s almost got to win it, either that or the WWE are very slow learners.

Joe: Bingo, bango, here’s my pick to be the winner. I don’t think it is unfathomable to think that the WWE and Daniel Bryan may be lying about Daniel Bryan’s ability to wrestle. I think they have been saving him for this moment, so the crowd can lose their shit and he can be triumphant in his return. I’m not even the biggest Daniel Bryan fan, but if they are serious about Lesnar going up against Bray Wyatt, eh, might as well make it Daniel Bryan vs. Cesaro as the Main Event of WrestleMania. Jonah, what else you got?

Jonah: Dean Ambrose at 18/1 is pretty awesome odds.  They could build a storyline for Wrestlemania that would do big business with Dean and Roman facing off.  Two brothers, one possibly turning heel, going against each other.  The story writes itself and he’s got a hell of a better chance of winning then say Rusev who has better odds.

Joe: I definitely agree that he has better odds than Rusev, but that doesn’t mean that this would make a good WrestleMania Main Event. I am what you would call a Dean Ambrose “hater” in that I do not really care about him. It doesn’t mean I don’t like him, but if you give me a choice between seeing Dean Ambrose or Heath Slater, I’m taking Heath Slater. I would put him on about the same level as Curtis Axel. They’re not my favorites, but they’re fine.

Jonah: How about AJ Styles at 33/1?  His debut is going to be a huge deal.  I love the guy, he can go like hell in the ring, and has really developed as a character over the years.  It’s a super long shot that he comes in and wins the belt immediately, but what better way to make new stars than have him and at least one or two Bullet Club members come in, wreck shit, and have their guy as champ.  It’s a bold strategy, but the WWE needs to be bold with falling ratings and massive injuries.

Joe: Having AJ Styles debut in Orlando (or anywhere in the state of Florida) is asking for a huge disappointment. Florida would pop bigger for Marty Jannetty than they would for AJ Styles (not that there’s anything wrong with that). He needs to debut in the northeast or Chicago where the “hardcore” fans are, so they will actually care about him debuting. 

Jonah: Here’s one I know you’re going to love: Big E at 66/1.  The New Day is without a doubt the most entertaining part of every RAW.  They’re super over and really people love them even though they’re technically heels.  Big E not only has a phenomenal look, but is charismatic as hell and puts on good matches.  Sounds like a combination for a main event push, but what do I know?

Joe: Well, full disclosure, we talked earlier this week, and I was asked who I would want to see win who had a realistic shot (sorry Cesaro, Seth Rollins, and Hulk Hogan who are either too injured or too racist), and my response was Big E. He’s a Hawkeye; I’m a Hawkeye, and I may have stolen girls from him on the dance floor of The Field House in Iowa City (there is no way to confirm or deny this). So yes, I’m hoping that Big E shocks the world and becomes the WWE World Heavyweight Champion.

Jonah: My last one is Kofi Kingston at 100/1.  See above about New Day, and add in the fact that he’s been Intercontinental Champ numerous times and has shown that he can hang in main event feuds as he did with Orton back in the day.

Joe: Not all that interested in a Kofi Renaissance; I feel like he’s right where he needs to be at this moment. However, I do have some picks that didn’t make the betting board. Since they aren’t even on the board, you should be able to get them for +20000.

Random NXT Superstar – My money is on this being Samoa Joe, but there’s a lot of angles they could go with this. Still, a fellow Samoan coming out to help out Roman Reigns, only to turn on him in the end isn’t the worst angle that they’ve ever come up with. This won’t happen, but I wouldn’t be mad at it. Also, Sami Zayn is probably the second most likely guy to show up. He’s kind of new Daniel Bryan in that it’s impossible not to cheer for him, but he has to remain an underdog for years before he can make it to the top, so winning as a surprise Rumble entrant probably isn’t in the cards.

Batista – Are you telling me they wouldn’t let Batista win another one? They don’t care if you hate Batista; Batista must win. Bonus points if he gets eliminated early and comes out as Bluetista later on.

Finally, I thought about how they could get the crowd excited for an unexpected winner. Like, who would this Orlando crowd go crazy for? And then it hit me. There is one figure that is more beloved in Orlando than any figure in that awful city’s history. It ain’t Walt Disney, it ain’t Mickey Mouse. Oh no, it’s somebody who is universally loved and revered. 

That’s right. My surprise pick to win the Royal Rumble at 100000000 to 1 odds is Lil’ Penny.

Monday, July 27, 2015

Tough Enough Is Hot Garbage, And I Can't Stop Watching It

I have watched every episode of Tough Enough this season. I don't know why I have done this, because this show is hot garbage. They manage to not do anything well. Somehow no group of people have really come across as likable or interesting in this show. And yet I watch week after week. I am an idiot. I understand that I like pro wrestling, but I don't like pro wrestling enough to justify this. This is awful. But I may as well get a blog post out of it and break down each group of people, and point out who is the worst of the worst, and, even though it is not anything to hang your hat on, who sucks the least.

The Hosts
Worst of the Worst - Chris Jericho
This hurts, because I am a devoted Jerichoholic. Chris Jericho will probably forever be one of my five favorite wrestlers of all time. His best was as good as anybody's in sports entertainment. But man, he makes me very uncomfortable as a host. Everything just seems forced with him, and he rarely looks comfortable. If he isn't forcing himself into tight clothing, he is trying to force a smile, and neither looks like an enjoyable experience. Jericho is a natural entertainer, but he is proof that hosting is not as easy as it looks.

Best of the Worst - Renee Young
Renee Young actually does a nice job with things, but this show doesn't need a whole lot of hosting, so having two hosts is pretty dumb. I would lean towards keeping Renee since she's much more natural, and she made me laugh pretty hard when she gave the Gabi the side-eye after she got eliminated. 

The Judges
Worst of the Worst - Hulk Hogan
(Note: I actually wrote this a day before the controversy from late last week, and compared to that, Tough Enough has not even made a dent in his legacy, but I don't want to get into anything that important in what is essentially just my stupid thoughts on a crappy reality show. The silver lining of all of this is that he's no longer going to be a judge, so, yay?)
This is why this show is such garbage. It makes the wrestlers I loved growing up seem way less likable. Hulk tries to do the damn yes chant every time Daniel Bryan is introduced, and in his mind, he probably thinks he's putting over Bryan, but he's that old guy who is still trying to act cool instead of realizing it's way cooler to just understand that you're an adult so you don't have to worry about acting cool anymore. Childhood Me loves you, Hulk Hogan, but to ensure that love, I'd like to see you less.

Best of the Worst - Daniel Bryan
Compared to most people, I am not that big of a Daniel Bryan fan. I like him; but I don't see him as the greatest pro wrestling thing that has ever come into existence, so that puts me in the minority. Still, the guy is incredibly likable, and as Enzo Amore would say, "Ya can't teach that." He's definitely the most consistently good thing about the show, and he was part of my favorite moment of the season, but we'll get to that later.

The Ladies
Worst of the Worst - Gabi
Gabi didn't know what a promo was, so she did terrible in that challenge (Warning: This is painful to watch). 

Then she never learned what a promo was after that. At least she got cut.

Best of the Worst - Amanda
I know everyone would expect me to say Sara Lee, but I'm not going to. Sara Lee hasn't really shown much of anything, but she has a couple things going for her. She seems nice, and she's just plain enough that the average wrestling fan thinks they have a shot with her, even though she is way, way too hot for the average wrestling fan. Amanda is probably the best looking one left, and she has done pretty well in most challenges, so she deserves to go far, but she'll be ousted the first time they put her in the bottom three.

The Dudes
Worst of the Worst - ZZ
You can be a fat guy and be a successful professional wrestler, but the fat guys who succeed aren't just random fat guys with some good luck. They're athletes, and their cardio is off the charts. ZZ does not have this going for him as he consistently gets blown out in every physical challenge and doesn't have much of a concept of what a pro wrestler is, and I don't think the WWE needs a Eugene character without any wrestling ability. ZZ is just a fat guy who is out of shape and just wants to make children smile. He would make an ideal Mall Santa.

Best of the Worst - Tanner
In any competition that is not MMA, I will always root for the MMA guy, so Tanner was my guy from the start. I knew he would destroy people in anything involving cardio, and he has done that. Not only that, he destroyed the police in a course that they had trained to excel in. Most importantly, he realized that he's not the most dynamic character, so instead of trying to develop charisma, he's just trying to hit on the ladies of the house. Also, his actions led to the best moment of the show when he basically tricked Chelsea into kissing him. The judges reaction was important as Paige and Hulk were rambling about how it was awkward, weak, and he had no game. Finally, Daniel Bryan, the voice of reason, finally pipes in, and says, "I thought it was pretty smooth...he got the kiss." Was it a total scumbag maneuver? Of course it was, but nobody got hurt, so it worked. It was a smooth move, and I'm glad Daniel Bryan pointed that out.

As you can see, this show is not good. Even some of the bests only get half-hearted praise, because the show is pretty half-hearted in its delivery. It's really an awful show, and yes, I will continue to watch.

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

The 39 Best Matches From WrestleMania 31 Weekend

I went to WrestleMania for the first time this year, and it exceeded every expectation that I could have possibly had for the experience. Sure, I could nitpick here and there, but overall, every single event that I went to was pretty awesome. Yes, Axxess was unorganized, but I met Hulk Hogan, and it gave me and Big E a chance to reminisce about picking up chicks at the Field House during our time at the University of Iowa. Meanwhile, I went to not one, not two, not three, but four wrestling events from Friday-Monday. Every night was something different with NXT on Friday, WrestleCon on Saturday, WrestleMania 31 on Sunday, and Raw (with a dark match and Superstars taping) on Monday. There is no perfect way to recap the weekend, but I saw a lot of incredible wrestling, and although the matches were very different, they provided a ton of great moments, and even the worst of the bunch were fine.

39. Prime Time Playas vs. Adam Rose and Heath Slater - Raw (Dark Match)
Things I learned during this match:
1. Heath Slater and Adam Rose are a tag team, I guess?
2. They do not sell bottles at the SAP Center.
3. They didn't open half of their concession stands despite having a sold out crowd in the arena. Whoever is running that arena did a piss poor job.
4. The Prime Time Players won, I think.

38. Fandango vs. Jack Swagger - Superstars
Fandango wrestled Jack Swagger. Fandango hit his finisher. He danced with Rosa Mendes before and after. This is a match that happened.

37. R-Truth vs. Luke Harper - Superstars
This is another match that happened, but it gets rated slightly higher because R-Truth seemed like a nice guy at Axxess.

36. Jason Jordan vs. Bull Dempsey - NXT
Jason Jordan was referred to as a jobber during the whole match. They apparently all forgot his great run as the tag team partner of Tye Dillinger. Who is Tye Dillinger? Aw, crap, nevermind. Anyway, Jordan showed some good power in throwing around Dempsey in some suplexes towards the end of the match. He surprisingly won, but it's not too surprising, since it is just Bull Dempsey.

35. Baron Corbin vs. Rhyno - NXT
A pretty blah match that Corbin won. Baron Corbin has great size for NXT so he can be dominant, but I don't see where he fits at the next level. Rhyno kind of had the same story in ECW where he can be impressive against small opponents, but then you see real big guys, and it loses some luster. Corbin won, but Rhyno hit him with the Gore afterwards, so everyone went home happy.

34. Stardust vs. Damien Mizdow - Raw
It was another fine match. There really isn't much to it, but Mizdow is way over, so he got the win, even though Cody Rhodes is awesome and should be in a much better position, because the dude had his wife hand out cookies as they left his photo in the Elimination Chamber at Axxess.

33. Rusev vs. Goldust - Raw
Rusev crushed Goldust. Rusev is pretty great, so even though it was a pretty blah squash match, it is still entertaining to see Rusev crush.

32. Havok vs. Tessa Blanchard - WrestleCon
Havok is not a lady to be trifled with, like seriously, she would absolutely crush me. Tessa is the daughter of an original Horseman, so that makes it an even matchup as far as I was concerned. It was a solid match which told the classic tale of giant using power versus speed and determination. The power dominated and eventually, the power won out, and Havok took out Tessa.

31. Cedric Alexander vs. Brian Kendrick - WrestleCon
This was a fine match, but nothing really grabbed me about it. It followed up a mixed tag match that we'll get to later that was one of the best matches I saw all weekend, so it was a tough act to follow.

30. Bayley and Alexa Bliss vs. Dana Brooke and Becky Lynch - NXT
Dana Brooke still flexes a lot, and Becky rocks harder than most people can imagine, but Alexa Bliss has glitter, and Bayley was in her hometown. I think Bliss is stepping up her game in the ring. She was still probably only the third best wrestler in there behind Bayley and Lynch, but it was good to see her start closing the gap. Overall, it was a fine, safe, women's match where the crowd really amped things up with their love for Bayley and freaked out when she hit the Bayley-to-belly suplex.

29. AJ Lee and Paige vs. The Bella Twins - WrestleMania
This was a necessary match. It wasn't going to tear the house down, but it wasn't meant to. It was meant to give people a chance to breathe. It was a totally fine women's match that was enhanced by being at WrestleMania.

28. Solomon Crowe vs. Calisto - NXT
This was a fine wrestling match, but I am not in on Solomon Crowe, so it kind of takes me out of his matches. I want to like him, and giving him a submission finish instead of that stupid splash is a step in the right direction, but I'm not buying Crowe yet. Calisto is great, and it was a good match, but it didn't really grab me.

27. Disco Inferno vs. Mr. TA - WrestleCon
This was the first match from WrestleCon, and I honestly couldn't believe that Disco Inferno was opening the show, because I thought they would save him as he was such a big name. This may be a sign that I love late-era WCW more than I should, but damn, Disco will always be a star in my opinion. Mr. TA was a Teaching Assistant, and he put up a good fight. There really wasn't too much special about this match, but Disco did win it with a Chart Buster, which Stone Cold stole and named a Stunner. The match wasn't anything special, but Disco danced afterwards, so he gets bumped up a few points for showmanship.

26. Man Scout, Jake Manning vs. Matt Striker - WrestleCon
So, on pure wrestling, this probably has to go last place, but somebody in the crowd told Striker to stick to commentary, and Striker stopped the match, got a mic, and went on a tirade that included telling the guy that he looked like Bill DeMott's abortion. After that, he kicked a man who was dressed up as a boy scout in the gut and hit him with The Pedigree. There may have only been about ten seconds of wrestling, but I was thoroughly entertained, so nice work, Matt Striker.

25. The Hardy Boys vs. RVD and Sabu - WrestleCon
This was a hardcore match, so there were lots of cheap weapons being used. This match ranks this high almost purely based on nostalgia and the venue. Like seeing The Big Show at Mania was nothing, but if Big Show had been at WrestleCon after some time away from WWE, I would have freaked out and automatically given it a top-5 ranking. I honestly never really cared about these guys out of early RVD being pretty cool, but seeing them here made it a lot more fun. Still, it was a hardcore match. It was disorganized, and eventually it ended.

24. Undertaker vs. Bray Wyatt - WrestleMania
This is a nostalgia pick as nothing really great happened in this match. For two guys that I am just not that into, their is still a mystique when it comes to The Undertaker. People are really happy Undertaker didn't get concussed, but that is a pretty low bar to clear for me to get pumped about another match for next year. Still, the spot where Bray Wyatt did the spider walk and then had Undertaker sit up was a good spot that gave me a good chuckle, and it's Taker at Mania, I don't think I'm allowed to put it below Disco Inferno.

23. Seth Rollins, Big Show, and Kane vs. Randy Orton, Ryback, and Roman Reigns - Raw
This match wasn't bad, but it was horribly disappointing. The first two hours of Raw were hot fire. The third hour was just waiting for something big to happen. This entire 6-man tag match was just waiting for some big debut or run-in, but it never came. Another thing that hurt it was the crowd doing the wave and chanting, "We are awesome," two of the douchiest things a crowd can do at a wrestling event. If WWE did have something cool planned, I wouldn't blame them if they just decided to wait a week and give it to a crowd that actually is there for the show instead of to be the show. As for the match, it was fine. Ryback getting The Big Show up for the Shell Shock was cool to see, but nobody outside of Ryback gave a shit about this match, and I really can't blame them.

22. AJ Lee, Paige, and Naomi vs. Brie and Nikki Bella and Natalya - Raw
This match was actually solid, but the crowd really took a turn for the worse during this match. They were pretty positive up until this point, but they turned on the Divas hard, as they called out the five ladies who are in relationship with wrestlers by insinuating that they perform oral sex on their significant others. If you are trying to make the point that wrestling fans are the lowest common denominator of human beings, this is a pretty good example. I'm blaming the chants for causing AJ's retirement, and I believe that CM Punk can travel through time, saw this happen, and retired a year earlier. But the ladies put on a solid match, but it wasn't NXT level good.

21. Murphy and Blake vs. The Vaudevillains vs. Enzo Amore and Colin Cassady - NXT
This was the big hope that maybe they would do a title change as Enzo and Big Cass are majorly over with the NXT crowd (and Carmella is majorly hated). The Vaudevillains are over as well, and nobody is really sure what is going on with Murphy and Blake. I have no idea what their gimmick is, but they are actually putting together the tag wrestling side of things. It was just a good tag match with some decent spots in there. Nothing special, but the crowd was way into it, so it added a lot of fun. Unfortunately, no title change.

20. John Cena vs. Dean Ambrose - Raw
I'm in the minority where I'm not really into Dean Ambrose. He's fine, but I don't find him particularly compelling with this character. He was far more interesting as a member of The Shield as opposed to the lunatic/stupid person he is now. Still, they put on a really good match for two guys that I'm just fine with and have no strong opinions on. It had a lot of good action, and I will admit that I'm happy that Cena is going to just keep going up against surprise challengers.

19. Curtis Axel vs. Neville - Raw
I'm very excited for Axtreme Rules, but Neville dominated this match. He hit a bunch of high spots and delivered exactly what he should have. It was a quick squash, but hopefully it leads to Neville getting pushed into a higher tier of opponent where he can really shine in full matches.

18. Chris Hero, Drew Gulak, Brian Myers, Tommaso Ciampa, James Storm, and Abyss vs. Colt Cabana, Matt Sydal, Big Zeke, Tommy Dreamer, Bubba and D-Von Dudley - WrestleCon
This match was a lot of fun, but the big issue is that 10 guys standing on the apron made it really hard for half of the audience to see what was happening in a lot of the match. Still, putting this many former WWE guys in a single match brought a lot of nostalgia and fun. It wasn't meant to be the best wrestled match of the night, it was just meant to be fun, and at the end, everyone got their spots, and it was a very fun match. It might have moved up a couple spots if Big Zeke's sweatpants hadn't blocked a lot of it for me, but it was still enjoyable.

17. ACH vs. John Morrison - WrestleCon
I had heard of him but never seen ACH before, because I have zero Indy street cred. But I was way too excited to see the guy who used to be Johnny Nitro, although I was slightly disappointed that he was not accompanied by Eric Bischoff. This match had a lot of Lucha elements to it, and it made things really fun. Also, ACH was stealing Stone Cold's shtick, and Morrison was stealing HBK's. It was a good back and forth match where I wasn't sure what was going to happen until Morrison hit the Starship Pain and won the match.

16. Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal - WrestleMania
It's a 30-man battle royal. That is incredibly fun to watch. I will admit that with that many guys in there, it can be a little tough to follow the storylines, but WWE knows what they're doing and gave guys enough separation from the crowd of wrestlers to tell fans, "Hey, look over here" for anything developing. It was stupid for the most part, but any time you give me Cesaro feats of strength, I'm going to be a big fan, and I had no issue with The Big Show winning it this year.

15. Jack Evans vs. Aerostar vs. Andrew Everett - WrestleCon
I have to admit that I didn't know a single one of these guys before the match. I think they knew that, and they worked incredibly hard to put on a fun show. There was a lot of high flying and some nasty bumps during the match. They kept an incredibly high pace, and Aerostar won it with a top rope Canadian Destroyer, so yeah, safety was definitely not their number one concern.

14. Finn Balor vs. Adrian Neville - NXT
This was a very good match, but I think I had too high of expectations for it. During Axxess, I thought they put on a better match (I'm not including Axxess matches, because there were a ton of them, and they rarely had my full attention). Still, it was a good match, and Balor came out as The Beast which was really cool. Those two guys can go, and they are probably both ready for the big show. Neville is now up there, and Balor is ready anytime they need some fresh blood.

13. The Ascension and Tyson Kidd and Cesaro vs. New Day and Lucha Dragons - Raw
This match was about as awesome as the WrestleMania tag match. The Ascension being involved after they have already been castrated from having any impact hurts them quite a bit, but having Calisto around, especially working with Cesaro, is something that is very awesome. Sure, it's completely ridiculous that he did a backflip off of Cesaro's shoulders, but those are the type of moment that make wrestling awesome. In the end, it ranks below the Mania tag, because of Sin HuniCara being involved.

12. Triple H vs. Sting - WrestleMania
Yeah, the match was just fine. It was great considering the ages of the two guys involved, but it was a fine wrestling match. But seeing the nWo, especially Hogan, come strutting out and fighting DX was just a really fun moment. That's the beauty of wrestling; it's not always about what happens in the ring, as what happens around the match is just as important. Was it stupid? Of course, but that's what makes pro wrestling so enjoyable.

11. Tyson Kidd and Cesaro vs. Usos vs. New Day vs. Los Matadores - WrestleMania
Cesaro is my favorite wrestler, so I will support anything he does. Also, Tyson Kidd and I shared an in-depth conversation about BK Chicken Fries at Axxess, so I'm pretty cool with him too. This was the first match of Mania, and it had a ton of energy and gave everybody a chance to shine. Clearly, Cesaro was depended on to shine brightest, but there were a lot of good spots, and it helped give the crowd energy for Mania, despite about half of the crowd still working their way through the gates/concessions to their actual seats. I'm very happy I got there early and didn't miss a second of this match. Before Mania, I said that I probably wouldn't yell much as I was already losing my voice. This match ended that plan, and I don't regret it a bit.

10. John Cena vs. Rusev - WrestleMania
Rusev entered on a tank in what will probably be my favorite entrance ever. Also, Rusev always has good matches and Cena puts it together when it matters. It was a fun match that may not have provided a magical moment, but it was super enjoyable throughout, and that's an important and underrated aspect of good wrestling.

9. Dolph Ziggler vs. Daniel Bryan - Raw
I think this match may make it higher on a lot of people's lists, and I thought it told a great story, but I can still only get it to this number. This was much more of a fight than a wrestling match, and although that was highly entertaining; there is practically nothing better than these guys getting in there and wrestling. The crowd gave this match a standing ovation during the match for what they were doing, so yes, it was totally great, and you will never hear me complaining about headbutts as headbutts are awesome. This was a great match, but it was not the greatest match I saw this weekend.

8. Hideo Itami vs. Tyler Breeze - NXT
This was the first match on the NXT card, and although the crowd was hot going into it, this took it to another level. Hideo Itami is somebody who is still putting it together on television, but that due is the hottest of fire in person. Tyler Breeze seems like just a goofy gimmick, but he puts on really good matches. He's not quite on the indy-darling level of Zayn, Owens, or Balor, but he's right below that. Like in all of Itami's matches, people wanted him to use the GTS, since he was using it before Punk but has yet to use it in the WWE. They teased it, but Breeze escaped. They went back and forth, and it led to Itami going into psycho strike mode which is super fun to watch in person. Then he put Breeze up for the GTS again, and the crowd rose to their feet, because they had never teased it twice. Sure enough, he hit it, and the crowd went ballistic. I'm still smiling about seeing him hit that GTS. It was a good match up until that point, but seeing the first GTS in person definitely bumped it up to greatness.

7. Randy Orton vs. Seth Rollins - WrestleMania
Even without that insane RKO, it was a great match that had a lot of great spots and tons of excitement. Rollins is about as sure of a thing that the WWE has right now, and Orton will always put on great matches against great wrestlers. It was a great match, and we can never forget that this happened.

6. Roderick Strong, Kazarian, and Christopher Daniels vs. AR Fox, Ricochet, and Jushin Thunder Liger - WrestleCon
This match was truly the best of both worlds from WrestleCon. It had the nostalgia with guys like Liger and Christopher Daniels who have been around forever but are still very entertaining (And bonus for Daniels and Kazarian going full cosplay as the Legion of Doom). And it had the up and coming stars in AR Fox and Ricochet who can just do ridiculous things and put on an awesome show. I had heard great things about Ricochet and he delivered, but AR Fox did some things that made my jaw drop. It was just good, fast-paced wrestling where everybody got some spots, and there was rarely a chance to catch your breath. Probably the best wrestling match of WrestleCon, but not quite the most entertaining one.

5. Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte - NXT
If you would have told me that I would have loved a women's match by far over every other match I saw on a card a year ago, I would have thought you were crazy, but the NXT Women's division has changed that, and Sasha and Charlotte put on an absolutely awesome match. It was high-paced, back and forth action that totally made sense and kept me on the edge of my seat the entire match. Also, it was a great decision to give Sasha the clean win, because she's The Boss, legitimately, her wrestling is next level, and if she won the Divas Title tomorrow and didn't lose it for two years, I guarantee it would be awesome.

4. Brock Lesnar vs. Seth Rollins - Raw
So the fact that this wasn't technically a match that ever started hurts it a little bit, but this was still totally awesome. Being there in person and being promised a World Title match got me pumped beyond belief. Pro wrestling is so wonderful in that you can get lost in the moment, despite knowing that it is scripted. Seth Rollins walking into the ring and going right up to Lesnar and raising the belt in his face made me believe that Lesnar was literally going to rip his head off and throw it into the crowd. And then Rollins bowing out of the match because his foot hurt from too many curb stomps. It was perfect. Then Lesnar goes on a rampage, and when Rollins does a backflip out of a German suplex and then kicks Lesnar in the face, he has that moment where he thinks that he can handle Lesnar, except he looks up and realizes that nothing hurts The Beast. It was all pitch-perfect. Rollins escapes, and then Lesnar destroys everything in sight, and he proves that he is probably the greatest pro wrestler alive, because everything is more important with him doing it.

3. Wade Barrett vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Stardust vs. Dean Ambrose vs. R-Truth vs. Luke Harper - WrestleMania
I think this match is getting overlooked because all ladder matches are great, but this match really was awesome. Everybody got their chance to shine in the match, and there were plenty of "Holy shit" moments. I didn't think there was any chance that Barrett would suplex Stardust off the ladder, but it sure happened. And, even though I was cheering for Ziggler, the ending was absolutely fantastic, because headbutts are the best.

2. Zane Riley and Caleb Konley "The World's Dudest Tag Team" vs. Candice LeRae and Joey Ryan "The World's Cutest Tag Team" - WrestleCon
What are usually the worst wrestling matches? Mixed tag matches. You can't get in a tag rhythm, and everything ends up stilted and boring. But OH MY GOD, this match. The World's Cutest Tag Team comes out to The Darkness's "I Believe in a Thing Called Love." And do you know why one team is known as the World's Dudest Tag Team? Because Zane Riley is just a dude, with a beard, dressing in women's wrestling gear. That means it wasn't just guys against guys and girls against girls; it was a goddamn free for all, and it was one of the most wonderful things I have ever seen. Candice LeRae straight up GOES. Somebody called her female John Cena, and they weren't wrong, but she does more risky moves and nothing can stop her. At one point, she grabbed Konley by the balls to do a balls suplex off the top rope, but Riley came in and grabbed her like a bowling ball with his thumb up her butt and a finger in...well, you know, and then Joey Ryan came in and got the whole thing started by lifting up Riley and everyone went tumbling back for a huge superballsplex involving everyone. I thought the match was over at one point, and that was only the halfway point of the match, as they just kept doing high spots, and I was all in on this match. The World's Cutest Tag Team won, because Joey Ryan is awesome, and Candice is an unstoppable force, God, this match was so awesome.

1. Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns, and eventually vs. Seth Rollins - WrestleMania
There were people who cried their eyes out about Roman Reigns got to main event WrestleMania. They did it, because he wasn't ready, yet they all wanted him to win the Royal Rumble the year before when it came down to him and Batista. Anyway, Brock Lesnar is the greatest thing in pro wrestling and him and Reigns told an awesome story that I was totally into. Lesnar just a dominant beast welcoming Reigns to suplex city, while Reigns is too stupid to stay down. Finally, Reigns gets a glimmer of hope and finally gets some offense on Lesnar for Seth Rollins music to hit and him to come sprinting down, putting in a great 40 time, to make the match a triple threat. Rollins curb stomps Lesnar, but it's not enough, and then he gets put up for an F-5, only for Reigns to save him with a spear. Rollins thanks Reigns with a curb stomp to him and gets the pin. The crowd went insane for Rollins, who yes, everyone realizes is a total heel, but also realizes that the guy has been the best thing on Raw for the last six months. Rollins, not Reigns, is the champion that we want to boo. Wrestling fans can boo him vigorously while still appreciating everything he does. It was an incredible moment.

I saw a ton of incredible wrestling during WrestleMania weekend, and honestly, if I saw a live card with the ten lowest ranked matches on this list, I still would have thought it was a pretty solid card. But in the end, there could only be one match at the top of this list, and that is the main event of WrestleMania. It's the pinnacle of the wrestling year, and it delivered beyond my wildest expectations. I waited 30 years to go to my first WrestleMania, I'm not going to wait that long before attending my second.

Monday, June 16, 2014

If WWE Superstars Were Game of Thrones Characters

Two things that I thoroughly enjoy are the fictional worlds of the WWE and Game of Thrones. Now, I have limited GoT cred, as I only watch the TV show and have not read the books (so if you're not through Season 4, you may want to wait on this, as there are some spoilers). Still, I felt that there were a lot of similarities in this world, so I tried to find the doppelganger for some of the most famous characters from each world. I tried my best to stick with current WWE talent, but there are a few examples of Attitude Era stars that seemed to fit way better than any active wrestlers would have in the GoT world. I tried to split the characters up into their families/most important storyline to help with clarity. Without further adieu, here is where WWE Superstars would fit in within the Game of Thrones.

Stephanie McMahon - Daenerys Targaryen
Stephanie fits in as the Khaleesi, because she could become the ruler of the WWE. And there aren't a lot of examples of women being strong and confident without immediately failing in spectacular fashion. Also if she is in that role, it would mean that Vince was the Mad King, and Shane was Viserys Targaryen who thought he was destined to take over, but now has no chance. Shane at least chose to leave where Viserys was killed by having liquid gold poured over his head.

Brock Lesnar - Khol Drogo
Both are giant men that crush everything in their path. They laugh at obstacles, as there is nothing in the world that can stop them except for themselves. Khol Drogo decided to cut himself with a sickle, while Brock Lesnar willingly tattooed a sword on his. Both married blonde divas and lived on all-meat diets. With that being said, it does seem likely that Drogo died from diverticulitis.

The Rock - Daario Naharis
Daario only does two things, but he does them better than anyone else. Fighting and fucking. The Rock can take years off from wrestling and beat anyone, and every one of his interviews will talk about a woman's vagina in some demeaning fashion.

Goldust - Barristan Selmy
Barristan was seen as obsolete by the kingdom, and looking at his age, that would appear to be true. But there was still some gas left in his tank, and he might be doing some of his best work at an advanced age after his supposed prime in the King's Guard. That is basically the same story as Goldust who did some good things in his prime but may be doing his best wrestling in his most recent comeback.

Rusev - Grey Worm
They are both killing machines who are commanded by women.

The Shield - The Three Dragons
Yes, this is slightly outdated with Seth Rollins leaving The Shield, but those three guys are totally the dragons of the WWE. They come in, fuck shit up, leave and think nothing of it. Daenerys thinks that she controls them, much like Triple H thought he controlled The Shield. In reality, they do whatever they want, whenever they want, because they can.

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The Miz - Joffrey Baratheon
The two most punchable faces in the world. There really is nobody that could be more hated than these two. Also, I always thought Miz kind of looked like a serial killer, but he might just secretly beat hookers with medieval weaponry.

Randy Orton - Cersei Lannister
My only intergender comparison. Cersei is the golden child who feels entitled to certain things, because she has always gotten certain things. She's an attractive lady, but she can also be absolutely brutal to people. That sounds a whole lot like the Legend Killer to me.

Triple H - Jaime Lannister
Has all the tools to be great on paper, but will never reach the top of the mountain. Charismatic with a touch of crudeness, each guy seems like they would be likely to be the best, but neither man is. At best, Jamie is the second or third most important member of his family, and Triple H was always only the second or third most important person in WWE. They both have weak body parts, as Jamie lost his hand, and Triple H tears his quad like it's a piece of paper. Also, each is a guy that you want to root against, although at this point, you sometimes wonder what made you hate them so much in the first place. Oh, and while we're talking about H and Jamie...

Chyna - Brienne of Tarth
Yep. This one fits in real nice. Both compete with the men because they would outclass any woman. Fell in love with a blonde, although Jamie Lannister is much more traditionally attractive than HHH. After the romance, they both got stuck with puds, or Pods, to be more accurate...

X-Pac - Podrick Payne
Podrick had a great deal going with Tyrion, but now he is with Brienne where he is not appreciated. It seems very similar to X-Pac being in the nWo, but then having a relationship with Chyna where he got physically assaulted. Also, Podrick is known for his prowess with the ladies, and X-Pac made a sex tape. They're not exactly equal, but they're not unequal either.

William Regal - Tyrion Lannister
Don't get caught up in the size. Instead, Regal is a match with Tyrion because he no longer has the physical gifts, but he has a sharp tongue and can captivate an audience with it. Also, he doesn't dislike bad guys, as he sees talent for what it is. Tyrion Lannister would definitely be a fan of Aiden English.

The Acolyte Protection Agency - Bronn
Bronn is the hired gun for Tyrion, and he saves his life once for money. When it comes to the second time, he already has money and women, so he doesn't save his life. He's a simple man, but you gotta respect that. The APA were simple guys as well, as they would beat up people for money, and if you couldn't offer them anything, they weren't willing to get their hands dirty. It's a simple and effective way of living.

AJ Lee - Shae
So I really hated comparing a diva to a whore, but let's face it, WWE only has three characteristics for women, whore, crazy, and boring, so there were actually a lot of women that could have been put in this spot. I chose AJ as she has a history of being jealous and of getting revenge on the men who have done her wrong. That sounds a lot like Shae, as she harshly turned on poor Tyrion.

Vince McMahon - Tywin Lannister
I know I mentioned him as the Mad King, but that was more in relation to Stephanie, as this is the spot where Vince fits best. He is the man with the money, so he pulls the strings behind the scenes while all gratitude and animosity is delivered to the people that he controls. The stockholders are the iron bank as they are the only ones who can get mad at Vince/Tywin if they aren't getting their money.

Paul Heyman - Varys
Could there be a less sexual person than Paul Heyman? Everything Varys has said could have just as easily been said by Paul Heyman. He tries to creep in the background and work his way up the ladder by attaching to those who he sees being in power. Tywin Lannister is definitely a Paul Heyman guy.

Cesaro - Tommen Baratheon
We really know nothing about the new king except that he wants to be a good king. And if you only watch the main WWE shows, you really have no idea about a personality for Cesaro. Cesaro is the newest King in WWE as he is the King of Swing, and I really felt like I needed to include my favorite wrestler in this post somewhere and couldn't find a great fit.

Summer Rae - Margaery Tyrell
Margarey will do anything to be queen, and Summer just wants to be liked so bad. Either will maneuver behind people's backs to get what they want, but in the end, neither person actually does anything all that awful. They both almost got stuck with bad guys, but now they can both find something better for themselves.

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John Cena - Eddard Stark
There is one big problem with this comparison, and that is John Cena always wins, and Eddard Stark obviously did not fall under that umbrella. Still, they are the virtuous ones who are always doing what is right and fighting for good. Eddard was the King of the North, and John Cena is often World Champ, but each guy can go away from their title and still be the most compelling person in the room. But with Eddard Stark dying early on, isn't that a valuable lesson? John Cena would not survive in the Game of Thrones.

Daniel Bryan - Robb Stark
Everyone questioned his potential to lead an Army. He didn't always make the right decisions, but he worked hard and slowly gained the respect of his people. Finally, when it looked like everything was going in his favor, he and his army were brutally murdered at a wedding. Daniel Bryan worked his way up, finally won the title, got married and shortly thereafter got a neck injury and lost his title.

Renee Young - Arya Stark
Everybody likes Arya as she is a quick witted little scamp. Renee Young is basically the adult version of that.

The Big Show - Sandor Clegane 
The Hound is a large man who has done some bad things in his past, but he was just doing his job. Deep down, he has shown that he actually isn't that bad of a guy. This is similar to The Big Show who occasionally has done some bad things, but he always shows his nice guy side in the end and both have proven to be more gentle giants than giant jerks.

Natalya - Sansa Stark
Both have a "woe is me" attitude, and although they really have not done anything wrong, they are both easy to dislike without any concrete behavioral flaws.

Jerry Lawler - Petyr Baelish
If there was anyone in the WWE who would run a whorehouse, it would definitely be Jerry Lawler. Also, old school Jerry Lawler had the bad guy tendencies that matched Baelish's personality. Also, they both love women who are too pretty for them.

Bo Dallas - Robin Arryn
Both are shocked when anyone doesn't like them. They both have incredible confidence despite not doing much to earn said confidence. Robin got built up by his mother, and Bo Dallas just BO-lieves in himself.

The Great Khali - Hodor
Both huge humans, which would make you think that they could crush the world. When in reality, they are immobile, and nobody can understand what they are trying to say. Hodor gets the slight edge on value since he carries things a lot of the time where a lot of Khali's value is from his singing and dancing.

Dolph Ziggler - Jon Snow
He's one of those guys that everybody seems to root for. They are not impressive physical specimens and were put in terrible situations for no reason. It seems like punishment, but all they do is work their butts off every chance they get. Each one makes everyone around him better, but it will take extraordinary circumstances for either of them to reach true greatness in the general public's eye.

Emma - Ygritte
Ygritte was a wildling lady who could have killed Jon Snow multiple times but froze up and was distracted long enough for it to lead to her downfall. Emma is a very talented wrestler but often gets distracted by her own dance moves and loses because of it.

Sheamus - Tormund Giantsbane
Is this partially because of the red hair? Yeah, definitely, but they are both giants who think they can take on anything. All Tormund needed to do was end his sentences with "fella" and they basically become the exact same person.

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Ric Flair - Robert Baratheon
Robert gained power by being incredible in the battlefield and he rose to being the undisputed top dog in the world. Flair gained power by being the best wrestler in the world. Once they got their power, they enjoyed the finer things in life as they partied hard and drank and fucked everything they could get their hands on. God bless them both.

Bray Wyatt - Stannis Baratheon
Believes he is the rightful king. Does shady things that make him untrustworthy. Battles forces and seems super powerful, but always loses, and then he just tries again with the same plan. Stannis's one great move involved a demon baby, Bray's involved a child with a voice modulator, so the similarities can be quite shocking.

Luke Harper - Davos Seaworth
He is dedicated to Bray Wyatt. Seems like a nice guy. Could use a fresh change of clothes and both are just learning to read.

Eva Marie - Melisandre
Evil redhead lady who has way more power than she deserves. Seems useless from an outsider's perspective, but has shown some savvy in staying relevant so far. Also, Eva Marie had a uterus problem, and Melisandre produced a smoke demon from hers. Po-tay-to, po-tah-to.

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Kane - Ramsay Bolton
Both are sadistic monsters that have no sympathy for anything or anyone. They are driven by destruction, but deep down both of them have a longing to be loved and accepted for who they are.

Damien Sandow - Theon Greyjoy (Reek)
Theon used to have charisma and confidence, but then he reached for the stars and failed. After that, things spiraled downwards for him, as he has had his junk removed and has been broken mentally. Damien Sandow had charisma and confidence, won Money in the Bank, challenged Cena and lost, and he is now wearing a tan jumpsuit that made him resemble a eunuch.

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Mark Henry - Gregor Clegane
Everybody thought The Mountain was unbeatable, and he was also kind of ruthless as he burned his brother's face when they were children. That sounds a whole lot like Dog got inducted into the Hall of Pain. Also, Mark Henry is the World's Strongest Man which seems like a title that Gregor probably could have had if he wanted to prove it. In the end, these people are both undone by guys who are quicker than them. Also, just as you should not waste time trying to get The Mountain to confess something, you should probably steer clear when Mark Henry says he is retiring, as they both seem to gain super strength in those situations.

CM Punk - Oberyn Martell
Oberyn is somebody who is only happy when he is doing what he wants. He didn't have to get involved with Tyrion, but he wanted revenge on the Lannisters. He could have killed The Mountain but killing wasn't good enough; he had to get that confession first, and that is why his head exploded. Although CM Punk didn't meet quite as grisly of a fate, all of these same things could be said about him. He wanted to do what he wanted to do, and when he didn't get exactly what he wanted, he proved to be the cause of his own undoing.

I know that doesn't cover everyone, as there were people from GoT and WWE that I wished I could have worked in. Still, it gives a good starting point, and it has the potential to inspire a ton of great fan fiction which is what the internet is all about.

Monday, April 7, 2014

The 11 Best Things About WrestleMania 30

As I stated last week, I was not super excited for this WrestleMania. My favorite wrestler was on the preshow, my favorite group was facing three old guys, and I like but don't love Daniel Bryan. To say that this Mania exceeded my expectations would be a huge understatement. It was a great show from beginning to end. At worst, I liked things, and it only went up from there. Here are my eleven favorite things about WrestleMania 30.

11. Slam City Has a Price
It is clear that the old guys do not give one shit anymore. Play with toys? Sounds awesome. Hacksaw beats Sarge, but Sarge was totally correct in that it was a fast count from Danny Davis. Ricky Steamboat goes into full embarrassing Dad mode trying to be cool, and then The Million Dollar Man buys things, because that's what he does. This was totally stupid, and I was totally fine with it.

10. Piper and Mr. T Make Up
Roddy Piper seems to legitimately hate Mr. T for missing his punch at WrestleMania 2, as he finds ways to talk shit about him any chance he gets. The fact that they shook hands and finally buried the hatchet made me happy, and typing that sentence makes me realize that I am a 29-year-old child. Also, thank you to the contributions of Paul Orndorff's mustache.

9. Divas Title Match
Putting this as the lowest match may seem like I didn't care for the match, but for a Divas match that was designed to be a total clusterfuck, it was actually pretty good. They had some good high spots, nobody really messed anything up, and Natalya didn't win, so all is well in the world. Nice job, ladies.

8. Bray Wyatt vs. John Cena
There were some good spots in this match, but the ending kind of ruined it for me. It was good, but that ending where everything works out for Cena is a little too convenient for my tastes.

7. Tag Title Match
This match was good, but that goes without saying with Cesaro in the match. It was fairly predictable; they had some fun spots, and The Usos won which made sense. Afterwards, Cesaro swung Swagger and broke up the tag team which was fairly predictable but still satisfying. I was totally fine with Cesaro going out like that, but we'll come back to him.

6. Triple H vs. Daniel Bryan
Most people were way higher on this match than I was, and I could totally justify putting it a few spots higher, but I thought they were just a little off early on in the match where nobody was quite hitting things correctly. The second half of the match was really good, but already knowing the outcome made the match less exciting, because there was no way Triple H was going to beat Daniel Bryan.

5. Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar
Speaking of predictable endings...wait, what? If wrestling shocks you twice a year, it's a good year. They definitely got one out of the way, as a million people's jaws dropped when Lesnar got the three count. I really like Lesnar matches as he's so strong that it's easy to believe his offense and he still does a good job of looking vulnerable. I couldn't believe he won the match, because I, like everyone else in the world, thought they would end Taker's streak to put over some guy that could be the future of the company. Looking back, that never really made sense. The only people that get matches with Taker are already one of the biggest stars in the company. If Daniel Bryan beats Taker, does that really elevate Daniel Bryan? No, it doesn't even help him as much as winning the title, so I think the passing of the torch angle got overblown, and the WWE legitimately shocked the world. Good for them, and great on the WWE camera guys for finding a bunch of people with hilarious shocked faces.

4. Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton vs. Batista
The match itself was not fantastic, but the crowd reaction to Daniel Bryan winning the title made it a special moment. Also, I still feel bad for Randy Orton's back, because I am still cringing while thinking about him landing on that television. But the powerbomb into an RKO was an awesome spot, but seriously, clear out what is under the table guys.

3. Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal
Cesaro. Guys, CESARO. CESARO! I got really excited when I saw him in the Battle Royal, but I always have to remind myself that although I believe in Cesaro to do anything in the wrestling ring, it is not always logical. So I tried to temper my expectations while knowing he would at least be one of the last five guys left. When it got down to four guys, I still was sticking with my pick of Sheamus, but then when him and Del Rio went over, my hope got way too high. My hopes rose and fall as things went back and forth, but then Cesaro picked him up, and the entire crowd shot to their feet in the background as he put him over the top rope. Everybody freaked out. Everybody is now part of a worldwide Cesaro Section, and moments like that are why I watch pro wrestling as an adult, because I cheer for Cesaro like I am a 12-year-old.

2. Hulk Hogan, Stone Cold, and The Rock
Speaking of cheering like a prepubescent boy, this just made me happy. I enjoyed everything. Sure, Hogan is senile and calling the Superdome the Silverdome, and yes I found it hilarious to hear Stone Cold and The Rock make fun of him for that. But nostalgia like this will always work for me. If you put Flair out there, that might be wrestling's Mount Rushmore (arguments can be made for Andre or Vince), and that is special. Then they drank beers together and Hulk tried to sip his beer as he is old school and does not want to waste any beer. Meanwhile, Stone Cold drinks a six pack and has about nine ounces of beer. The Rock has even less, because he can't be putting those carbs in his body. There wasn't a match on the main card for the first half hour, and I didn't care one bit, because the Little Boy Joe loves these moments.

1. The Shield vs. The Old Guys
Best match on the card, BY FAR. I couldn't have imagined a better match. It was perfect. Will this be a Match of the Year? No, but that doesn't mean it wasn't perfect. From interrupting the New Age Outlaws during their stupid spiel, to coming out in scary masks, to wearing their slutty SWAT outfits, to not letting the old guys have any offense, to taking turns annihilating guys, to the triple-double powerbomb, to Reigns and Ambrose celebrating on the ropes before the ref had the chance to make the three count. Perfect.

WrestleMania turns me into a child, and I LOVE IT.