Showing posts with label Raw. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Raw. Show all posts

Monday, July 8, 2019

The WWE Is Ruining... The Authors of Pain

After a brief hiatus to discuss every possible person in the WWE’s developmental system, we are back to discuss how the WWE is ruining their talent. Since we took a hiatus, let’s tackle two guys in Akam and Rezar, the Authors of Pain.

By the time the Authors of Pain left NXT, they seemed impossible to screw up. Both guys are legit athletes as Rezar fought in mixed martial arts professionally, and Akam was nearly an Olympian in wrestling. Not only did they have tremendous size and athleticism, but they got SO MUCH BETTER in a short period of time when it came to their wrestling skills. They were naturals, and it seemed like they were destined to dominate a tag division for a decade.

Instead, they have not dominated the tag division. In fact, their run has been a total embarrassment. Yes, AOP did win the tag titles once, defeating Seth Rollins and...oh, absolutely nobody. They beat Seth Rollins in a handicap match to win the tag titles. Well, there is no way that they could lose the tag titles in an even dumber fashion.

Oh, wait, this is the WWE we’re talking about.

So, of course they lost their titles, not by getting pinned or submitted, or even disqualified or counted out. Instead, their manager, Drake Maverick was pinned by Bobby Roode and Chad Gable. Is this the part where I should talk about how Roode and Gable were a short-lived tag team, or is this the part where I should talk about how the feud was centered around Drake Maverick pissing his pants?

The solution is so simple with AOP, and the sad thing is the WWE already knew the answer. Just let them be your Legion of Doom. You let them be indestructable badasses and have a manager do their talking for them. They don’t need Paul Ellering, and they definitely don’t need a cosplaying Drake Maverick, so let’s call up Stokely Hathaway and have him build a stable of badasses with him as the mouthpiece.

Then just let them have wrestling matches. Put them against The Revival, bring back American Alpha, wait, I’m just recreating the NXT tag division from a few years ago. Ah, fuck it, let’s just do it. Get DIY together, hell, I even want to see Blake get called up to tag up with Buddy Murphy. That tag division ruled, so let’s just have them recreate everything they did in NXT on the main roster.

Akam and Rezar can bring the pain. Just let me be the author of their story.

Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Ali

Alicia Fox
Andrade "Cien" Almas
Apollo Crews
Bayley
Big E
Big Show

Bo Dallas
Bobby Lashley
Bobby Roode
Braun Strowman
Brock Lesnar
Carmella
Chad Gable

Monday, May 6, 2019

The WWE Is Ruining... No Way Jose

The WWE is amazing at some things. Unfortunately, not all of those things are good. No Way Jose is a great example of a big, charismatic guy who is solid in the ring, and you absolutely could not care less about him. Why has the WWE chosen to ruin No Way Jose? I'm not sure, but I do have a way to save him.

I have written some of these pieces and thought the WWE was doing nothing with the talent, but this is the closest to literally nothing that I can possibly imagine. What is his greatest feud since getting called to the main roster? It's either his feud with Mojo Rawley in which he just kept losing, maybe it's his feud on Main Event against Curt Hawkins where he was 5-0, and they wrestled singles matches for three straight weeks, or, uh, nope, that's about it.

What's so crazy about this is the WWE had no need to promote him to the main roster. The only reason to promote him was to recreate the magic of Adam Rose, magic which died out quickly and had way more going for it than No Way Jose ever had. But he got brought up and...crickets.

To fix No Way Jose, let's do something drastic. First off, let's get rid of that name, because it's tragically bad. Next, let's turn Jose heel. He is a big guy, so let's use that as an enforcer for a smaller superstar, much like the role Rowan has with Daniel Bryan. Just off the top of my head, you could put him with another dark skinned fella, Robert Roode, and let him propel Roode to a title while he builds his new character. Is it ideal? No way (Jose), but it's something, and anything would be an improvement for this WWE superstar.

Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Alicia Fox
Andrade "Cien" Almas
Apollo Crews
Bayley
Big E
Big Show

Bobby Lashley
Bobby Roode
Braun Strowman
Brock Lesnar

Carmella
Chad Gable

Monday, April 15, 2019

The WWE Is Ruining... The Ascension

I know what you're thinking, "The Ascension sucks. They always have sucked, and they always will suck." I get that sentiment. They have sucked for so long that it is nearly impossible to remember a time before they completely sucked ass. But this was once the most dominant tag team in NXT history. So what went wrong?

Well, the big thing is that they do not win matches. I know Curt Hawkins had a historical losing streak, but somehow I feel The Ascension's is still sadder. Konnor and Viktor were actually pretty sweet on NXT. No, I'm serious. Konnor was in way better shape, and Viktor helped The Ascension rise. They were the NXT tag team that dominated everyone else.

Oh, how times have changed. The Ascension managed to become worthless right away when they said they were better than Demolition and The Legion of Doom. Then this happened, and things never recovered.


Just for fun, let's see their last win which happened July 2nd on a Main Event taping against Rhyno and Heath Slater. So it's been nearly a year, but on the bright side, Konnor has weirdly been undefeated in three singles matches, beating the likes of Rhyno, Chad Gable, and Bobby Roode. That is really weird, but what is even weirder is the last time that The Ascension won as a tag team before July 2nd as it happened all the way back in February of 2018? No. 2017? Nope. It was February 8, 2016 on Superstars against Fandango and Damien Sandow. I do not even remember those two being a tag team, so The Ascension can take credit for ending what could have been a hell of a career for those two. In fact, The Ascension somehow owns Fandango as they also beat him when he tagged with R-Truth and in the most random of tag team partners possible, Jack Swagger.

But The Ascension used to be important, so could we see them rise again? The short answer is no. But the long answer is why the hell not? Are they the best wrestlers? No. Are they the most physically imposing? Not really. Are they great on the microphone? In small doses, they're okay. So maybe they aren't an ideal fit for a tag title run, but maybe there is another way to get some redemption.

Give them a legend killing tour. First they take out the APA. Then they take out Demolition, because they shouldn't have much problem considering Ax in his 70s at this point, and Smash is about to turn 60. Finally, you have them take out the best of them all, Legion of Doom. You may be thinking that it's not a fair fight since Hawk has passed away, but there were many iterations of Legion of Doom. Now I know I have some questionable ideas occasionally, but don't worry, I have not chosen to tag him up with Darren Drozdov, because The Ascension beating up a paralyzed person seems a little beyond what Fox meant when they said they wanted adult entertainment. Heidenreich would be the obvious choice, but does anybody really want to see him brought back? Nah. So let's go with the unconventional choice, a partner in LOD 2000, let's tag up Animal and Sunny to get taken out by Konnor and Viktor. Sunny is ready for her return, and I think the fans are as well.

Eventually their killing spree must end. And the easiest way to do it is to put them up against the returning Breezango to finally end their reign of terror. It's the perfect way to come full circle and honor a truly great story.

Come on WWE, give The Ascension some love.

Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Alicia Fox
Andrade "Cien" Almas
Apollo Crews
Bayley
Big E
Big Show

Bobby Lashley
Bobby Roode

Braun Strowman
Carmella
Chad Gable

Monday, April 8, 2019

The WWE Is Ruining... Braun Strowman

Braun Strowman is one of the most incredible stories of WWE incompetence in recent history. Despite being large, charismatic, and the most popular guy in the WWE, they decided he wasn't ready for a world title run and for some reason just had Brock Lesnar kick his ass consistently. It saddens me to be able to write this before WrestleMania, knowing that nothing important will happen for Strowman at the biggest show of the year, because his feud is with two nerds from Saturday Night Live.

Do you want to get really sad? Braun Strowman's only won a championship once in his WWE career, and it was the tag titles with Nicholas. He's also one of the few poor schlubs to win Money in the Bank but fail to cash in and actually win the championship. Shit man, even Carmella won the title with that thing.

WWE used to truly love big men. If you weren't 270 pounds, you were either a jobber or Macho Man. Macho Man was so awesome that not even WWE's love of size could deny him. But they took advantage of large men and pushed them straight to the top. Sure, once they got there, Hulk Hogan was waiting to defeat them, but Strowman was so popular that he could have been the Hogan in this situation. He never really said anything particularly memorable, but everything he said was deemed awesome because of how he said it. That is EXACTLY how Hogan got over back in the day, because the guy had a few catchphrases and just talked in circles to fill in the void.

So they had their modern day Hulk Hogan and just decided, "Eh, let's hold off on listening to the fans and pushing this guy, so we can let this momentum die down." And they were 100% successful.

So what they should do with Braun Strowman? Well, since I don't know who won the title at WrestleMania when I'm writing this, I'm going to make a plan where it doesn't matter. Have Braun Strowman come out on Raw tonight, challenge for the title, and beat the ever living shit out of the champion. Absolutely annihilate him to the point where you think it's the second coming of Lucha Underground's Matanza Cueto. No matter the opponent, the post-Wrestlemania crowd will lose their shit with excitement if you follow through on this plan.

Normally, you run into the issue of, "If he can beat the best guy easily, how will he ever be defeated?" But I think you can get by that fairly easily by explaining how much the WrestleMania match took out of the champion and give them a competitive match at the next pay per view. Obviously, Strowman still wins that, and then you let him go on a run that goes until at least Summerslam.

Obviously, his run ends against Roman Reigns, because it has to, but at least this time, people might be willing to cheer the guy.

Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Alicia Fox
Andrade "Cien" Almas
Apollo Crews
Bayley
Big E
Big Show

Bobby Lashley
Bobby Roode
Carmella
Chad Gable

Monday, December 24, 2018

The WWE Is Ruining... Curt Hawkins

As a pro wrestling fan, it is a part of our identity to always know how to utilize wrestlers better than the WWE. If WWE would just give me, random WWE fan, a job a the company, ratings would immediately rise to the levels of the Monday Night Wars, despite how television ratings have changed as a whole over the last 20 years. But until that happens, WWE will continue ruining our favorite wrestlers, and that is why it is time to point out the error in their ways. Because of WWE's incompetence, I am literally going to pick a wrestler at random and point out how they could be better utilized, because WWE is ruining everyone in one way or another.

Today, we look at Curt Hawkins who needs to look to the past to find his redemption.

Curt Hawkins has been on a bit of a losing streak. The last time he didn't lose was back in February of 2017 against Dean Ambrose. He didn't win the match, but he at least got a no contest, which is basically like winning a title when it comes to Hawkins. In October 2016, he did beat something called Chase Silver in a dark match, but I'm not even sure if we can count that. But earlier in that month, in his very first match since resigning full time with the WWE, he beat Apollo Crews. He has not won in any sort of match since.

As rough of a go as Hawkins has had, it has been even rougher for his tag partners. Since signing with the WWE, he has teamed with Zack Ryder, Caylen Croft, Vance Archer, Tyler Reks, and Val Venis in 2014, five years after he was released by the WWE. So three of those guys retired, two in their relative physical prime, one was released by WWE although he has had success in the tag division overseas, and one guy probably wished he got released, because the WWE has done everything they can to choke off his self-made popularity. It is not a great idea to tag up with Curt Hawkins.

So what should the WWE do? Well, as bad as tag teaming has been for his partners, one of them actually did manage to stick around the WWE and even start a podcast with his former partner, so let's get Zack Ryder and Curt Hawkins officially back together. Are they going to immediately be one of the better tag teams on the Raw roster? No, but they will be a tag team that makes sense, and that should put them in title contention when you have a team like Chad Gable and Bobby Roode as champions. Their main objective will be getting heel tag teams over, but as a tag team, they are strong enough to get on the occasional hot streak and threaten the champs. I know it doesn't sound like much, but it's a huge step up from where they are right now, and if you actually let these guys show their personality, they have the chance to build a real fanbase and become a very interesting tag team.

There is no reason not to do it, so I do not expect it to happen anytime soon.

Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Alicia Fox

Andrade "Cien" Almas
Bobby Lashley

Bobby Roode
Charlotte Flair
Dana Brooke
Dash Wilder
Ember Moon
Jinder Mahal
Kane
Karl Anderson
Killian Dain

Kofi Kingston
Luke Gallows
Mickie James
Mojo Rawley
Nia Jax
Peyton Royce
Randy Orton
Scott Dawson
Shinsuke Nakamura
Tyler Breeze

Tuesday, September 18, 2018

The WWE Is Ruining... Nia Jax

As a pro wrestling fan, it is a part of our identity to always know how to utilize wrestlers better than the WWE. If WWE would just give me, random WWE fan, a job a the company, ratings would immediately rise to the levels of the Monday Night Wars, despite how television ratings have changed as a whole over the last 20 years. But until that happens, WWE will continue ruining our favorite wrestlers, and that is why it is time to point out the error in their ways. Because of WWE's incompetence, I am literally going to pick a wrestler at random and point out how they could be better utilized, because WWE is ruining everyone in one way or another.

Today, we focus on how the WWE is ruining...Nia Jax. After the Bobby Lashley surprise last week, this one should be a breeze.

When Nia Jax walks into a room, the room stops to acknowledge her presence. Maybe, just maybe, the WWE could use someone with that sort of physical presence in their women's division. In fact, the WWE did recognize this and had her win the women's title from Alexa Bliss. Since Bliss is the ultimate heel, they made Jax a babyface. That is not ideal for the character whose size means the odds are always stacked in her favor, but at least they were utilizing the fact that they had a rare talent.

But alas it was not meant to be. There was good news and bad news for Nia. The good news is that WWE realized that someone with her physical presence should probably be a heel. The bad news was that they didn't want to do any work to make her a heel, so she just did a 180 in her personality, and instead of fighting against bullying, she was now the one bullying. Oh, and to make matters worse, she was bullying Ronda Rousey, who is basically the intimidating presence in the ring that Jax never got the chance to fulfill.

It doesn't help that she never totally seemed comfortable in a character. She showed flashes as a destructive heel, especially in NXT, but she never quite put everything together as a destroyer of worlds on a consistent basis. Still, from where she started to the progress she made, it's a matter of when, not if, she will get everything figured out.

The first thing WWE should have done was let her have an impact on her comeback instead of just slotting her right back into Raw. What would help her the most would be a surprise switch to Smackdown. There, she no longer needs to compete with Ronda Rousey as the unbeatable physical force and can instead take advantage of matchups with with Charlotte, Asuka, and most importantly, Becky Lynch. If the WWE goes full bore into Becky Lynch as female Stone Cold Steve Austin, then Nia Jax would come in as the perfect adversary to be brought in and put her in her place.

Even if Nia Jax doesn't have a title, she can always be an important part of the women's division due to her physical stature. But although those physical features can be fun for short periods of time as a happy-go-lucky, sometimes goofy babyface, her destiny is as a heel. Make her the big bad wolf, so let her blow some houses down, and Jax some ladies up.

Other Wrestlers WWE Has Ruined
Bobby Lashley

Thursday, April 13, 2017

Who Won the WWE's Superstar Shakeup?

Pro wrestling is still real to me, damnit. So I wanted to look at all of the Superstar Shakeups to see the reasoning that each show would have to make these moves. I matched up guys in the most logical sense, and then ranked these trades from least to most important, marking a winner for each trade. There were basically nine trades, so the least important will receive one point, and the most important receiving nine points to see whether Daniel Bryan or Kurt Angle (who might be kayfabe racist, but we’ll get to that later) is the superior general manager of their show.

9. Raw trades Jinder Mahal to Smackdown for Curt Hawkins
Kayfabe Logic: Here is how I imagine this conversation went.
Side A: I will literally trade this guy for anybody on your roster.
Side B: Anybody?

And so it was written, the jobbers switched shows to lose to different guys.

Raw Motivation: They get rid of Jinder Mahal.

Smackdown Motivation: They get rid of Curt Hawkins.

Winner: Raw, although maybe Smackdown if Jinder Mahal shares his fitness tips with the rest of the roster. (Raw leads 1-0)

8. Raw trades Tamina to Smackdown for Mickie James
Kayfabe Logic: Neither of these ladies were able to make it to the top in limited opportunities, let’s switch it up and see what they can do.

Raw Motivation: Kurt Angle’s been gone for a really long time. This may be the only women’s wrestler that he recognizes. He may have initially tried to trade for Trish Stratus, something that I endorse 100%.

Smackdown Motivation: I guess Daniel Bryan wanted more size on his women’s roster.

Winner: Raw (Raw leads 3-0)

7. Raw trades The Shining Stars to Smackdown for Rhyno and Heath Slater
Kayfabe Logic: Rhyno and Heath Slater have fallen off the map recently, which is something you never have to worry about the Shining Stars, because you can always find them in Puerto Rico.

Raw Motivation: Rhyno and Heath Slater were over for a very short period of time. Will it happen again? Probably not, but being over once is more than The Shining Stars can say.

Smackdown Motivation: Daniel Bryan is interested in a timeshare in Puerto Rico? Daniel Bryan had already traded for Jinder Mahal and knew that he had to get rid of Heath Slater, so he could avoid 3MB chants when Drew McIntyre gets called up? Those are my two best explanations.

Winner: Raw (Raw leads 6-0)

6. Raw trades Sin Cara to Smackdown for Kalisto
Kayfabe Logic: Raw wanted to boost their Cruiserweight division, and since Smackdown doesn’t have one of those, it made sense to get a bigger guy who also fills their affirmative action of guy in a mask.

Raw Motivation: Yeah, basically boost up the cruisers, because this is where Kalisto should have been the entire time.

Smackdown Motivation: Um, Kalisto framed Daniel Bryan?

Winner: Raw (Raw leads 10-0)

5. Raw trades Sami Zayn to Smackdown for Apollo Crews
Kayfabe Logic: Two tremendous wrestling talents that can’t seem to find a way to win on their current show, so it’s a challenge trade to see if either guy can reach their potential on a different night of the week.

Raw Motivation: Kurt Angle went from a guy in Zayn who talks too much to a guy in Crews who has never said anything memorable. Also, not sure if you noticed this, but this is the first white person that Kurt Angle has traded, and even Zayn is a Canadian. Actually, looking through the roster, he traded away one white American, every other person he traded was a foreigner or a minority, many times both. Meanwhile, Apollo Crews is the only minority that he traded for in the Superstar Shakeup, and every single one of his picks are Americans (not counting managers). I did not notice this until I got to this point when writing, and it’s got me shook. Kurt Angle is a kayfabe xenophobic racist.

Smackdown Motivation: Sami Zayn is basically new age Daniel Bryan, so this move couldn’t make more sense for their side.

Winner: Smackdown (Raw leads 10-5)

4. Raw trades Rusev with Lana to Smackdown for The Miz with Maryse
Kayfabe Logic: I can’t lose a dude with a hot chick without getting a dude with a hot chick in return.

Raw Motivation: The Miz has been doing some of his best work and part of that should be attributed to Maryse who has really helped elevate the stakes for The Miz. Also, John Cena’s the biggest superstar in the WWE, so if you can’t get him, you might as well get his number one impersonator.

Smackdown Motivation: Miz couldn’t get the job done against John Cena, so at this point, is he really worth the hassle for Daniel Bryan? Rusev has more untapped potential than anyone in the WWE, as he’s legitimately one of the funniest people on the show, and he’s a hoss in the ring. That’s a nice return.

Winner: Raw. The Miz deserves it for what he’s been doing these past six months, but the only reason that people don’t think Rusev hasn’t been doing just as good stuff on the microphone (his promo where he called out Cass and E for calling themselves Big before calling himself Handsome Rusev belongs in the Smithsonian), just with a Bulgarian accent. Raw leads 16-5

3. Raw trades Charlotte Flair to Smackdown for Alexa Bliss
Kayfabe Logic: One former champion for another.

Raw Logic: Let’s face it. This had to be part of getting Mickie James for Tamina earlier. I love Alexa Bliss, but she’s no Charlotte.

Smackdown Logic: Uh, yeah, definitely do what you can to get Charlotte on the roster. I love Sasha an uncomfortable amount, but Charlotte has been the MVP of the Women’s division as long as it has been around.

Winner: Smackdown (Raw leads 16-12)

2. Raw trades Kevin Owens to Smackdown for Dean Ambrose
Kayfabe Logic: This is probably the most straight forward trade, as each side is trading their secondary champion in order to mix things up. And yes, this trade should probably be listed as number one, but as a writer, I needed a grand finale, and the final trade is way more hilarious.

Raw Motivation: Getting Dean Ambrose means that they have all three former members of The Shield on their roster, which will lead to endless speculation about the Shield reforming.

Smackdown Motivation: They get a better pure wrestler for their pure wrestling show, and he’s also better on the microphone, and he’s also not Dean Ambrose.

Winner: Smackdown (Smackdown leads 20-16)

1. Raw trades The New Day to Smackdown for Bray Wyatt
Kayfabe Logic: Bray has supernatural powers, and The New Day have the power of friendship.

Raw Motivation: Here’s what Raw has going for it. Bray Wyatt could win the World Title and give Raw both of the top titles on their show, which is especially valuable since there ain’t no way Brock Lesnar is defending that thing on Raw. Also, while trading three guys for one may seem excessive, Bray keeps pooping out new members at random times, so maybe he can bring in The Drifter or a darker version of No Way Jose? I don’t know.

Smackdown Motivation: They got three guys for one, and now their show is no longer booty. Creepy cult leading Bray Wyatt was cool, supernatural, maggot loving, Bray Wyatt is stupid. I’m not even a big fan of The New Day’s work these past six months, but I’d still rather have Big E alone over Bray Wyatt. Getting Kofi Kingston and Xavier Woods along with him is a massive win for Smackdown.

Winner: Smackdown (Smackdown wins 29-16)

Although Raw won the minor trades, when it came to the top talents, Smackdown dominated their competition, and I’m actually incredibly excited about the future of Smackdown. It’s been putting on much better shows for a while, but with the influx of talent they have now, they could blow Raw away, and that is definitely not booty.

Thursday, January 12, 2017

I Need a Wrestle Buddy

Living down in Florida, especially in the Tampa area, I am near an abundance of wrestling. Just last week, there was Monday Night Raw in Tampa, an NXT show in Largo on Friday, a crummy independent show at a church in Largo on Saturday, with a pretty stacked independent card on Saturday and Sunday nights in Tampa. Also, there is a women's show this Friday in Tampa. That's a lot of wrestling, and I would have been interested in going to all of it.

Unfortunately, I was only able to make it to the NXT show, because my wife really likes going to those. She's learned to like wrestling, but she's not a total nerd like me. So when she has a friend in town, like she did this past weekend, she actually wants to hang out with them instead of going to independent wrestling shows.

This is why I need a wrestling buddy. It's just not that much fun to experience a wrestling event by yourself. You need someone to share those special moments with. Now, I still love my wife, so this would be a strictly platonic pro wrestling relationship, but it would really help improve things for me, as I wouldn't have to constantly get turned down when I ask my wife to go to five wrestling events in a week.

I mean, they have Tinder and Grindr, couldn't they come up with an app for me to meet cool wrestling fans? I don't feel like that's too much to ask.

Long story short, I'm too socially awkward to make new friends who like pro wrestling, so I need one of my old friends to move down here and watch wrestling with me. Until then, I guess I'll just dress up my dog in a trenchcoat and sunglasses. She likes the independents a lot more anyway, since they lack any sort of fireworks.

Monday, December 5, 2016

Sami Zayn Will Win The 2017 Royal Rumble

While everybody is talking about Lesnar and Goldberg and how their confrontation will go down at the Royal Rumble, I've got my eyes on the prize of figuring out who is going to win the damn thing this year, and it's not going to be one of those two clowns. One of the best things about the brand split is that it makes the Royal Rumble interesting again. The last few years, wrestling fans have basically known what was going to happen. With two title matches at WrestleMania, WWE has the ability to give a more shocking winner to give a title shot to. That is why this is the year that Sami Zayn takes a huge leap forward and wins the 2017 Royal Rumble.

Now I know what you're thinking. "Joe, you're only picking Sami Zayn, because you're a huge Zayniac and a total mark for the guy." Most of that sentence would be factual, but I do have other reasons for picking Sami Zayn, and I genuinely believe it make sense for him to win the Rumble this year.

Sami Zayn is the ultimate underdog. He's like Daniel Bryan, only Canadian, which makes him even more of an underdog. Plus, they have done everything they can to point giant flashing lights at how much of an underdog he is as Mick Foley, the nicest guy in wrestling, UNTIL HE GETS LOUD AND SUPER SERIOUS, told him how he could not compete with Braun Strowman. They're clearly building towards something where he overcomes the odds, and what better place to do that than this year's Royal Rumble?

And this Royal Rumble is basically going to be filled with people that nobody will expect him to beat. I mean, speaking of dogs, you've got The Big Dog, Roman Reigns, who could probably beat all 29 guys by himself, and if he didn't, they'd schedule a second Royal Rumble to "punish" him. Then you've got the other guys from The Shield, the new Wyatt Family, Braun Strowman, and James Ellsworth. That doesn't even include the unbeatable Bill Goldberg and The Beast, Brock Lesnar. It's a murderer's row of wrestlers the WWE would love to push to the top. And that's why it's time for the ultimate underdog to win. I mean, can you imagine it coming down to a final four of Goldberg, Lesnar, Reigns, and Sami Zayn. The crowd would be going insane for Zayn, and just imagine it coming down to Zayn and Reigns. Not only would the rhymes be nonstop, but the crowd may literally blow the roof off the joint.

Plus, one of the WWE's biggest issues in the past has been their refusal to pull the trigger on newer superstars. The best example of this is Roman Reigns who was one of the last two people in the ring with Batista, and the crowd would have gone crazy had he won. Instead, Batista went over, and when Reigns went over the next year, the crowd had already turned on him and refuses to turn back no matter how many good-to-great matches the guy has. The most fun thing about Sami Zayn in NXT is that you really never knew whether he'd win or lose. You could believably see him beat anyone (Cesaro), but he was never a sure thing to beat anyone (Titus O'Neil). You can give him that big push at anytime and easily get the crowd behind him, but clearly the WWE is building something with him, so why can't the time be now?

Finally, another reason for Zayn to win is because after the Rumble, his decision is actually a compelling storyline. He could restart his longtime feud with former best friend, Kevin Owens, which would ensure an incredible match. Or he could tell Raw to buzz off, as he's tired of being underestimated by incompetent leadership and go to Smackdown to take on AJ Styles, which, come to think of it, would also ensure an incredible match. Both choices are fantastic.

I feel like Sami Zayn's most memorable moments are falling short. In NXT, it was him repeatedly losing the most important matches, and then when he finally won the title, he immediately got destroyed by his best friend, Kevin Owens. And although he's had some memorable matches on the main roster, the two that stand out are him losing to John Cena and injuring his shoulder and him finally beating Kevin Owens to "end" the feud, only to have Owens win the Universal Title immediately after. Even when he wins, he loses. But that's the beauty of Sami Zayn, and why he will win the 2017 Royal Rumble.

Thursday, August 4, 2016

I'm So Happy Jobbers Are Back in the WWE

Pro wrestling is one of the greatest and most awful things on television. Like, this entire season of Lucha Underground should be enough to make anyone a wrestling fan. And then a 30 minute soliloquy by a McMahon is enough to just wish that you never got involved in the stuff. Still, the good outweighs the bad, and that is why I continue to watch each and every damn week. But the WWE is bringing back something near and dear to my heart: Jobbers.

I love jobbers. I grew up with jobbers. Jobbers are one of the most important aspects of pro wrestling, and I'm so glad they are back. Jobbers are a great way to make people look dominant. In the kayfabe world, WWE wrestlers are better than 99% of anyone else who wrestles. If that's the case, then it would make sense that it would be very rare for anyone to look dominant, as they are only going up against the absolute best in the world. Even Heath Slater should be seen as someone who could go down and dominate anywhere else. But since he only goes up against the best, he is never able to show that, and even top guys struggle, because they are only facing top guys.

That's where jobbers come in. You bring in a jobber and you can actually build someone as a dominant force without making anybody important look bad. Jobbers are totally unimportant, and they are completely interchangeable. Every town can have a couple go-to jobbers to get dominated. And how awesome is that? Like, a guy who can't even sniff a second-tier organization like Ring of Honor gets a chance to be on WWE television. Look at how great this must have been for this jobber.

That is a win-win situation. Jobber gets a great opportunity for one night in the WWE, and Braun Strowman gets to look like The Mountain on Game of Thrones. 

So WWE, I ask of you, neigh, I beg of you. Please keep at least 1-2 jobber matches every week. Yes, I know they are the worst, but that is what makes them the best.

Thursday, November 19, 2015

Little Kids Love Pro Wrestling

So we had two young children staying at our house this week, and I learned a lot through the experience. The 7-month-old and me didn't really do much interacting. She wasn't that interested in me, and honestly, I wasn't that interested in her either. Triple B yo, Babies Be Boring. But the 3-year-old and me were more on the same wavelength. Does this mean I think like a toddler? Yes, yes it does, and I am not ashamed by that.

Anyway, I used this opportunity to poison the future potential of this country by exposing this child to pro wrestling, because of course I was going to show a 3-year-old how awesome pro wrestling is. I mean, his parents knew I was going to do it when they left, and my wife knew I was going to do it too. It was just a matter of finding the right opportunity. I kept asking if he wanted to watch wrestling, but he just kept wanting to watch episodes of the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (which I will have hot takes on in the near future). Our conversations kept going like this:

Me: You want to watch wrestling?
Him: Turtles.
Me: But wrestling is super cool.
Him: Turtles.
Me (under my breath): Damnit.

This conversation happened about a half dozen times before I finally found my opening when he was putting out (imaginary) fires throughout the house. I put on Raw, but he was more playing with his trucks than actually watching. Then, Kevin Owens wrestled Neville, and it finally caught his attention and hooked him. With all of Neville's flips, he was entranced with the show. There were a bunch of near falls, and I tried to explain a 3-count to him (the pinfall type, not the boy band type), and he kind of nodded his head to make me think he understood.

Then I was sitting on the couch, and I hear him go, "1...2...3!" before jumping on my back and choking me. He did not totally understand a 3-count, but he sure did enjoy counting to three and trying to beat me up, and that's really the most important aspect of pro wrestling.

Eventually, my wife made us stop fighting, because we were being loud as he attacked, and I flipped him onto the couch, showing my dominance of 3-year-olds. She threatened that I'd have to take care of the baby if we woke it up, and that was definitely enough for me to turn off wrestling and go back to Ninja Turtles. God, wives are so lame.

So will the love of pro wrestling blossom? The bad news is that I don't think his parents want to be stuck watching pro wrestling, but the good news is that he was bragging to his parents that he beat me up when we watched wrestling. Oh, that sweet high of carefree violence. That'll get any kid coming back for more.

Pro wrestling is the best.

Monday, September 7, 2015

EXCLUSIVE: Leaked RAW Script From 8/31/15

Hey, I don't know how Lukewarm Jonah got the goods (and honestly, I don't want to know), but he somehow managed to get his hands on this leaked script from RAW last week. He told me this is real, and honestly, it seems fairly legit (although for legal purposes, this may not be legit in any way, shape, and form). LJ, take it away:

RAW opens with Sting’s music hitting as he makes his way to the ring for a promo.

Sting: It’s great to be back here in Tampa.  But now onto the important stuff.  The last time I fought in the WWE I fought The Game, The Asskicker, The greatest, funniest, smartest, most handsome wrestler, no wait person, ever in the history of the entire universe Triple H.  Even though I spent months being angry at him for abusing his power and he had to resort to hitting me in the head with a sledgehammer to win our match at Wrestlemania, him shaking my hand was the greatest moment of my life, way better than my wedding or the birth of my children.  Now I have to fight Seth Rollins who despite being the World Heavyweight Champion and US champion is a complete joke, especially when you compare him to The Cerebral Assassin Triple H.  Coming out here week in and week out and performing at a high level ain’t shit when you compare it to a 46 year old guy who wrestles once a year.  Just on a personal level, I would also like to point out that I’ve seen Triple H in the locker room and let me tell you that he’s always carrying around a sledgehammer if you know what I mean.

Sting leaves, cut to backstage where Seth Rollins and Stephanie McMahon are standing.

Rollins: I’m understandably upset that Sting just completely ran me down.

Steph: Whoa there no one has ever been better than my husband so don’t say, think, or even wonder about it.

Two hours of stupid wrestling that doesn’t include Triple H.  Important note: Make sure to say Diva’s Revolution as much as possible without any irony while putting on incredibly short diva’s matches.

Final segment- Seth Rollins comes out to the ring to cut a promo.

Rollins: Sting sucks, he’s the reason WCW went out of business.  Now since I’m the champion of the world and the United States I think I’m as good as Triple H, note I didn’t even say better just that I think I’m as good, and that I hope that one day I can surpass him because I have career goals and such.  Now come out here Sting.

Steph’s music hits.

Steph: Don’t talk about Triple H, he’s obviously the greatest most popular wrestler ever despite what facts say.

Rollins: Well remember when Triple H was actually an active wrestler?  He was in Evolution with Ric Flair.  Now people think that Ric Flair was the greatest of all time, but Triple H still wanted to be the best and thought that he was better than a much older part time wrestler.  Also remember I literally said I think I’m as good as him, not better.

Steph: Never mention Triple H again unless it’s about a WWE.com list that he’s on the top of.  Don’t let Sting get in your head.

Rollins: You’re right, Sting get out here.

John Cena’s music hits and Cena makes his way to the ring.

Cena: I hate the authority and everything they stand for.  I’ve been battling them forever, one time my team even got them fired for awhile.  But let me tell you something about respect, I respect Triple H because he’s the man.  Now, then, forever, that’s not a WWE slogan, that’s when you should be thinking and talking about Triple H.  You’re just some chump who’s the World Heavyweight and United States champion, clearly I respect those belts because I’m telling you how much you suck even though you hold both of them.  I challenge you to a US Title match.  Steph make it happen.

Steph: Yep that’s happening.

Rollins: Gosh darn it!

Cena’s music hits, Sting’s music hits, then Triple H’s music hits and he comes out, both Cena and Sting shake his hand and bow to him before he Pedigrees them both through the entryway.  Note: We may have to cut out the very end due to time.

Monday, June 22, 2015

Rick Rude Is The Most Underrated Wrestler In History

Everybody remembers Rick Rude, but I'm not sure people remember how great Rick Rude was. I'm honestly not sure if there was a better heel during his era, as it was impossible to cheer for Rick Rude. He was better than everybody else, and there was nothing more that he loved to do than shove that fact right down their throats. Still, he is not remembered for being as great as he was, and now that Macho Man is in, Rick Rude is definitely the most deserving person to be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame.

The guy had it all. Rick Rude was amazing on the mic. In his debut match, he set the tone for what his schtick would be:

Sweathogs is an insult that is not used nearly enough. It elaborates enough on a simple pig comment by not only saying you look like a hog which takes care of fat and ugly, but you both look and smell disgusting with the sweat added in. Underrated in this clip is Vince McMahon commenting on Rude as he disrobes, "Well, pretty good abs, traps not too bad," and then the camera flashes to a fat kid, and McMahon gets completely flustered. It's all perfect.

And then, after his match, he kisses a woman so passionately that she faints from the experience. If I had a nickel for every time that happened to me...I would have like 25 cents, although I think the girls may have just pretended to pass out to prevent any funny business. Either way, I'm a helluva kisser. Underrated part of after the match is that Rick Rude would then stand over the woman and gyrate his hips. I really should have tried that maneuver to show the ladies that I'm a bonafide stud.

But it wasn't just on the mic that Rude was a stud, as he could flat out wrestle. He succeeded in WWE, WCW, and in Japan while excelling in every style. This man could not only have great matches with other great wrestlers; he managed to not only get a good match but good matches out of the Ultimate Warrior.

That alone should be enough to make him a Hall of Famer. And the guy was a heel through and through. Rude used to just flex his ass in the middle of the ring or gyrate his hips and get boos rained down on him. He was a total heel in that every bit of his offense made you think this was a bad guy. It was full of headlocks and sleepers and punches to the gut. That slow offense makes it impossible to cheer for a guy. But even when he would add some flash and hold suplexes, there was always that little bit of him showing off that made people hate him.

Oh yeah, and the man loved to show ass. There is nobody in history that got depantsed more than Rude.

And although he never became World Champion in the WWE, he did manage to do it in the WCW.

He not only beat Flair for the title, but he also managed to make out with one of Flair's many different women. As far as I know, he may be the only guy who can claim the latter. He had an incredible career where he not only managed to look great, but he always made his opponents look great as well. After finally becoming a World Champion, he actually never lost the title. Unfortunately, he injured his back in a freak accident in a match against Sting in Japan and was forced to retire. But Rick Rude was pure money both in and out of the ring.

That being said, had he just gone to the ring in his custom made tights, he still would probably be one of my 20 favorite wrestlers of all time. Here are the top five things that Rick Rude had airbrushed on the front of his tights:
5. His Face
It's an incredibly great way to peacock. I mean, if Mystery is armed with a top hat and a boa, you're going to blow him out of the water with custom made tights with your face on the front. A great pickup gambit would be asking a girl to kiss you on your airbrushed lips.

4. Championship Belt
Since you can't wear your title belt at all times, it is best to just airbrush it on there to let the ladies know that anytime you put on your pants, you're a champion. They'll learn later that when you take off your pants, you're even more of a champion.

3. Regis and Kathie Lee's Faces

Yep, just Rick Rude making a woman pass out from the passion of his kiss, and then showing off Kathie Lee's airbrushed face on his front side, while using his backside to make Regis animated when he flexed his ass. This is a very boss maneuver for whenever you are invited on to a talk show, and I think more people should follow Rick Rude's lead.

2. His Opponent's Face
I mean, how demeaning is that? Just your face is right on his dick. That has to be one of the most alpha maneuvers anyone can possibly pull off.

1. His Opponent's Wife's Face
This is the most alpha maneuver. His opponent had a woman? Yeah, Rick Rude's going to put that woman's face right over his dick. Imagine somebody doing that to you. If somebody put my wife's face on their pants, I'd have no choice but to fight them. Like, I couldn't just let them keep wearing those pants. But man, if I saw somebody doing that to somebody else's wife, I would applaud that dude for the gumption. Basically, I am just saying that this is one of the greatest heel maneuvers ever, and I really want a wrestler to bring it back.

After his wrestling days were over due to a back injury, he still had one of the most memorable moments of the Monday Night Wars when he showed up on both shows at the exact same time. Since Raw was pretaped every other week, Rude was there for the taping, but his contract ended and he showed up on a live episode of Monday Nitro.

Yeah, if this isn't 100% the reason that Rude isn't in the WWE Hall of Fame, then it is at least 99% of the reason. He not only screwed over WWE, but then he buried them on their competitor's show. A couple years after this, Rick Rude died at the age of 40 from heart failure. He was a wrestler in the 80s and 90s, so he undoubtedly lived a hard life, but one that still ended far too soon.

Basically, if I was going to be a pro wrestler, I would want to be Rick Rude. Great look, great mustache, and could live like a heel in every aspect of life. Rick Rude's one of the greatest wrestlers of all-time; he's criminally underrated, and WWE needs to put him in the Hall of Fame immediately. It's long overdue for an all-time great.

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

The 39 Best Matches From WrestleMania 31 Weekend

I went to WrestleMania for the first time this year, and it exceeded every expectation that I could have possibly had for the experience. Sure, I could nitpick here and there, but overall, every single event that I went to was pretty awesome. Yes, Axxess was unorganized, but I met Hulk Hogan, and it gave me and Big E a chance to reminisce about picking up chicks at the Field House during our time at the University of Iowa. Meanwhile, I went to not one, not two, not three, but four wrestling events from Friday-Monday. Every night was something different with NXT on Friday, WrestleCon on Saturday, WrestleMania 31 on Sunday, and Raw (with a dark match and Superstars taping) on Monday. There is no perfect way to recap the weekend, but I saw a lot of incredible wrestling, and although the matches were very different, they provided a ton of great moments, and even the worst of the bunch were fine.

39. Prime Time Playas vs. Adam Rose and Heath Slater - Raw (Dark Match)
Things I learned during this match:
1. Heath Slater and Adam Rose are a tag team, I guess?
2. They do not sell bottles at the SAP Center.
3. They didn't open half of their concession stands despite having a sold out crowd in the arena. Whoever is running that arena did a piss poor job.
4. The Prime Time Players won, I think.

38. Fandango vs. Jack Swagger - Superstars
Fandango wrestled Jack Swagger. Fandango hit his finisher. He danced with Rosa Mendes before and after. This is a match that happened.

37. R-Truth vs. Luke Harper - Superstars
This is another match that happened, but it gets rated slightly higher because R-Truth seemed like a nice guy at Axxess.

36. Jason Jordan vs. Bull Dempsey - NXT
Jason Jordan was referred to as a jobber during the whole match. They apparently all forgot his great run as the tag team partner of Tye Dillinger. Who is Tye Dillinger? Aw, crap, nevermind. Anyway, Jordan showed some good power in throwing around Dempsey in some suplexes towards the end of the match. He surprisingly won, but it's not too surprising, since it is just Bull Dempsey.

35. Baron Corbin vs. Rhyno - NXT
A pretty blah match that Corbin won. Baron Corbin has great size for NXT so he can be dominant, but I don't see where he fits at the next level. Rhyno kind of had the same story in ECW where he can be impressive against small opponents, but then you see real big guys, and it loses some luster. Corbin won, but Rhyno hit him with the Gore afterwards, so everyone went home happy.

34. Stardust vs. Damien Mizdow - Raw
It was another fine match. There really isn't much to it, but Mizdow is way over, so he got the win, even though Cody Rhodes is awesome and should be in a much better position, because the dude had his wife hand out cookies as they left his photo in the Elimination Chamber at Axxess.

33. Rusev vs. Goldust - Raw
Rusev crushed Goldust. Rusev is pretty great, so even though it was a pretty blah squash match, it is still entertaining to see Rusev crush.

32. Havok vs. Tessa Blanchard - WrestleCon
Havok is not a lady to be trifled with, like seriously, she would absolutely crush me. Tessa is the daughter of an original Horseman, so that makes it an even matchup as far as I was concerned. It was a solid match which told the classic tale of giant using power versus speed and determination. The power dominated and eventually, the power won out, and Havok took out Tessa.

31. Cedric Alexander vs. Brian Kendrick - WrestleCon
This was a fine match, but nothing really grabbed me about it. It followed up a mixed tag match that we'll get to later that was one of the best matches I saw all weekend, so it was a tough act to follow.

30. Bayley and Alexa Bliss vs. Dana Brooke and Becky Lynch - NXT
Dana Brooke still flexes a lot, and Becky rocks harder than most people can imagine, but Alexa Bliss has glitter, and Bayley was in her hometown. I think Bliss is stepping up her game in the ring. She was still probably only the third best wrestler in there behind Bayley and Lynch, but it was good to see her start closing the gap. Overall, it was a fine, safe, women's match where the crowd really amped things up with their love for Bayley and freaked out when she hit the Bayley-to-belly suplex.

29. AJ Lee and Paige vs. The Bella Twins - WrestleMania
This was a necessary match. It wasn't going to tear the house down, but it wasn't meant to. It was meant to give people a chance to breathe. It was a totally fine women's match that was enhanced by being at WrestleMania.

28. Solomon Crowe vs. Calisto - NXT
This was a fine wrestling match, but I am not in on Solomon Crowe, so it kind of takes me out of his matches. I want to like him, and giving him a submission finish instead of that stupid splash is a step in the right direction, but I'm not buying Crowe yet. Calisto is great, and it was a good match, but it didn't really grab me.

27. Disco Inferno vs. Mr. TA - WrestleCon
This was the first match from WrestleCon, and I honestly couldn't believe that Disco Inferno was opening the show, because I thought they would save him as he was such a big name. This may be a sign that I love late-era WCW more than I should, but damn, Disco will always be a star in my opinion. Mr. TA was a Teaching Assistant, and he put up a good fight. There really wasn't too much special about this match, but Disco did win it with a Chart Buster, which Stone Cold stole and named a Stunner. The match wasn't anything special, but Disco danced afterwards, so he gets bumped up a few points for showmanship.

26. Man Scout, Jake Manning vs. Matt Striker - WrestleCon
So, on pure wrestling, this probably has to go last place, but somebody in the crowd told Striker to stick to commentary, and Striker stopped the match, got a mic, and went on a tirade that included telling the guy that he looked like Bill DeMott's abortion. After that, he kicked a man who was dressed up as a boy scout in the gut and hit him with The Pedigree. There may have only been about ten seconds of wrestling, but I was thoroughly entertained, so nice work, Matt Striker.

25. The Hardy Boys vs. RVD and Sabu - WrestleCon
This was a hardcore match, so there were lots of cheap weapons being used. This match ranks this high almost purely based on nostalgia and the venue. Like seeing The Big Show at Mania was nothing, but if Big Show had been at WrestleCon after some time away from WWE, I would have freaked out and automatically given it a top-5 ranking. I honestly never really cared about these guys out of early RVD being pretty cool, but seeing them here made it a lot more fun. Still, it was a hardcore match. It was disorganized, and eventually it ended.

24. Undertaker vs. Bray Wyatt - WrestleMania
This is a nostalgia pick as nothing really great happened in this match. For two guys that I am just not that into, their is still a mystique when it comes to The Undertaker. People are really happy Undertaker didn't get concussed, but that is a pretty low bar to clear for me to get pumped about another match for next year. Still, the spot where Bray Wyatt did the spider walk and then had Undertaker sit up was a good spot that gave me a good chuckle, and it's Taker at Mania, I don't think I'm allowed to put it below Disco Inferno.

23. Seth Rollins, Big Show, and Kane vs. Randy Orton, Ryback, and Roman Reigns - Raw
This match wasn't bad, but it was horribly disappointing. The first two hours of Raw were hot fire. The third hour was just waiting for something big to happen. This entire 6-man tag match was just waiting for some big debut or run-in, but it never came. Another thing that hurt it was the crowd doing the wave and chanting, "We are awesome," two of the douchiest things a crowd can do at a wrestling event. If WWE did have something cool planned, I wouldn't blame them if they just decided to wait a week and give it to a crowd that actually is there for the show instead of to be the show. As for the match, it was fine. Ryback getting The Big Show up for the Shell Shock was cool to see, but nobody outside of Ryback gave a shit about this match, and I really can't blame them.

22. AJ Lee, Paige, and Naomi vs. Brie and Nikki Bella and Natalya - Raw
This match was actually solid, but the crowd really took a turn for the worse during this match. They were pretty positive up until this point, but they turned on the Divas hard, as they called out the five ladies who are in relationship with wrestlers by insinuating that they perform oral sex on their significant others. If you are trying to make the point that wrestling fans are the lowest common denominator of human beings, this is a pretty good example. I'm blaming the chants for causing AJ's retirement, and I believe that CM Punk can travel through time, saw this happen, and retired a year earlier. But the ladies put on a solid match, but it wasn't NXT level good.

21. Murphy and Blake vs. The Vaudevillains vs. Enzo Amore and Colin Cassady - NXT
This was the big hope that maybe they would do a title change as Enzo and Big Cass are majorly over with the NXT crowd (and Carmella is majorly hated). The Vaudevillains are over as well, and nobody is really sure what is going on with Murphy and Blake. I have no idea what their gimmick is, but they are actually putting together the tag wrestling side of things. It was just a good tag match with some decent spots in there. Nothing special, but the crowd was way into it, so it added a lot of fun. Unfortunately, no title change.

20. John Cena vs. Dean Ambrose - Raw
I'm in the minority where I'm not really into Dean Ambrose. He's fine, but I don't find him particularly compelling with this character. He was far more interesting as a member of The Shield as opposed to the lunatic/stupid person he is now. Still, they put on a really good match for two guys that I'm just fine with and have no strong opinions on. It had a lot of good action, and I will admit that I'm happy that Cena is going to just keep going up against surprise challengers.

19. Curtis Axel vs. Neville - Raw
I'm very excited for Axtreme Rules, but Neville dominated this match. He hit a bunch of high spots and delivered exactly what he should have. It was a quick squash, but hopefully it leads to Neville getting pushed into a higher tier of opponent where he can really shine in full matches.

18. Chris Hero, Drew Gulak, Brian Myers, Tommaso Ciampa, James Storm, and Abyss vs. Colt Cabana, Matt Sydal, Big Zeke, Tommy Dreamer, Bubba and D-Von Dudley - WrestleCon
This match was a lot of fun, but the big issue is that 10 guys standing on the apron made it really hard for half of the audience to see what was happening in a lot of the match. Still, putting this many former WWE guys in a single match brought a lot of nostalgia and fun. It wasn't meant to be the best wrestled match of the night, it was just meant to be fun, and at the end, everyone got their spots, and it was a very fun match. It might have moved up a couple spots if Big Zeke's sweatpants hadn't blocked a lot of it for me, but it was still enjoyable.

17. ACH vs. John Morrison - WrestleCon
I had heard of him but never seen ACH before, because I have zero Indy street cred. But I was way too excited to see the guy who used to be Johnny Nitro, although I was slightly disappointed that he was not accompanied by Eric Bischoff. This match had a lot of Lucha elements to it, and it made things really fun. Also, ACH was stealing Stone Cold's shtick, and Morrison was stealing HBK's. It was a good back and forth match where I wasn't sure what was going to happen until Morrison hit the Starship Pain and won the match.

16. Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal - WrestleMania
It's a 30-man battle royal. That is incredibly fun to watch. I will admit that with that many guys in there, it can be a little tough to follow the storylines, but WWE knows what they're doing and gave guys enough separation from the crowd of wrestlers to tell fans, "Hey, look over here" for anything developing. It was stupid for the most part, but any time you give me Cesaro feats of strength, I'm going to be a big fan, and I had no issue with The Big Show winning it this year.

15. Jack Evans vs. Aerostar vs. Andrew Everett - WrestleCon
I have to admit that I didn't know a single one of these guys before the match. I think they knew that, and they worked incredibly hard to put on a fun show. There was a lot of high flying and some nasty bumps during the match. They kept an incredibly high pace, and Aerostar won it with a top rope Canadian Destroyer, so yeah, safety was definitely not their number one concern.

14. Finn Balor vs. Adrian Neville - NXT
This was a very good match, but I think I had too high of expectations for it. During Axxess, I thought they put on a better match (I'm not including Axxess matches, because there were a ton of them, and they rarely had my full attention). Still, it was a good match, and Balor came out as The Beast which was really cool. Those two guys can go, and they are probably both ready for the big show. Neville is now up there, and Balor is ready anytime they need some fresh blood.

13. The Ascension and Tyson Kidd and Cesaro vs. New Day and Lucha Dragons - Raw
This match was about as awesome as the WrestleMania tag match. The Ascension being involved after they have already been castrated from having any impact hurts them quite a bit, but having Calisto around, especially working with Cesaro, is something that is very awesome. Sure, it's completely ridiculous that he did a backflip off of Cesaro's shoulders, but those are the type of moment that make wrestling awesome. In the end, it ranks below the Mania tag, because of Sin HuniCara being involved.

12. Triple H vs. Sting - WrestleMania
Yeah, the match was just fine. It was great considering the ages of the two guys involved, but it was a fine wrestling match. But seeing the nWo, especially Hogan, come strutting out and fighting DX was just a really fun moment. That's the beauty of wrestling; it's not always about what happens in the ring, as what happens around the match is just as important. Was it stupid? Of course, but that's what makes pro wrestling so enjoyable.

11. Tyson Kidd and Cesaro vs. Usos vs. New Day vs. Los Matadores - WrestleMania
Cesaro is my favorite wrestler, so I will support anything he does. Also, Tyson Kidd and I shared an in-depth conversation about BK Chicken Fries at Axxess, so I'm pretty cool with him too. This was the first match of Mania, and it had a ton of energy and gave everybody a chance to shine. Clearly, Cesaro was depended on to shine brightest, but there were a lot of good spots, and it helped give the crowd energy for Mania, despite about half of the crowd still working their way through the gates/concessions to their actual seats. I'm very happy I got there early and didn't miss a second of this match. Before Mania, I said that I probably wouldn't yell much as I was already losing my voice. This match ended that plan, and I don't regret it a bit.

10. John Cena vs. Rusev - WrestleMania
Rusev entered on a tank in what will probably be my favorite entrance ever. Also, Rusev always has good matches and Cena puts it together when it matters. It was a fun match that may not have provided a magical moment, but it was super enjoyable throughout, and that's an important and underrated aspect of good wrestling.

9. Dolph Ziggler vs. Daniel Bryan - Raw
I think this match may make it higher on a lot of people's lists, and I thought it told a great story, but I can still only get it to this number. This was much more of a fight than a wrestling match, and although that was highly entertaining; there is practically nothing better than these guys getting in there and wrestling. The crowd gave this match a standing ovation during the match for what they were doing, so yes, it was totally great, and you will never hear me complaining about headbutts as headbutts are awesome. This was a great match, but it was not the greatest match I saw this weekend.

8. Hideo Itami vs. Tyler Breeze - NXT
This was the first match on the NXT card, and although the crowd was hot going into it, this took it to another level. Hideo Itami is somebody who is still putting it together on television, but that due is the hottest of fire in person. Tyler Breeze seems like just a goofy gimmick, but he puts on really good matches. He's not quite on the indy-darling level of Zayn, Owens, or Balor, but he's right below that. Like in all of Itami's matches, people wanted him to use the GTS, since he was using it before Punk but has yet to use it in the WWE. They teased it, but Breeze escaped. They went back and forth, and it led to Itami going into psycho strike mode which is super fun to watch in person. Then he put Breeze up for the GTS again, and the crowd rose to their feet, because they had never teased it twice. Sure enough, he hit it, and the crowd went ballistic. I'm still smiling about seeing him hit that GTS. It was a good match up until that point, but seeing the first GTS in person definitely bumped it up to greatness.

7. Randy Orton vs. Seth Rollins - WrestleMania
Even without that insane RKO, it was a great match that had a lot of great spots and tons of excitement. Rollins is about as sure of a thing that the WWE has right now, and Orton will always put on great matches against great wrestlers. It was a great match, and we can never forget that this happened.

6. Roderick Strong, Kazarian, and Christopher Daniels vs. AR Fox, Ricochet, and Jushin Thunder Liger - WrestleCon
This match was truly the best of both worlds from WrestleCon. It had the nostalgia with guys like Liger and Christopher Daniels who have been around forever but are still very entertaining (And bonus for Daniels and Kazarian going full cosplay as the Legion of Doom). And it had the up and coming stars in AR Fox and Ricochet who can just do ridiculous things and put on an awesome show. I had heard great things about Ricochet and he delivered, but AR Fox did some things that made my jaw drop. It was just good, fast-paced wrestling where everybody got some spots, and there was rarely a chance to catch your breath. Probably the best wrestling match of WrestleCon, but not quite the most entertaining one.

5. Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte - NXT
If you would have told me that I would have loved a women's match by far over every other match I saw on a card a year ago, I would have thought you were crazy, but the NXT Women's division has changed that, and Sasha and Charlotte put on an absolutely awesome match. It was high-paced, back and forth action that totally made sense and kept me on the edge of my seat the entire match. Also, it was a great decision to give Sasha the clean win, because she's The Boss, legitimately, her wrestling is next level, and if she won the Divas Title tomorrow and didn't lose it for two years, I guarantee it would be awesome.

4. Brock Lesnar vs. Seth Rollins - Raw
So the fact that this wasn't technically a match that ever started hurts it a little bit, but this was still totally awesome. Being there in person and being promised a World Title match got me pumped beyond belief. Pro wrestling is so wonderful in that you can get lost in the moment, despite knowing that it is scripted. Seth Rollins walking into the ring and going right up to Lesnar and raising the belt in his face made me believe that Lesnar was literally going to rip his head off and throw it into the crowd. And then Rollins bowing out of the match because his foot hurt from too many curb stomps. It was perfect. Then Lesnar goes on a rampage, and when Rollins does a backflip out of a German suplex and then kicks Lesnar in the face, he has that moment where he thinks that he can handle Lesnar, except he looks up and realizes that nothing hurts The Beast. It was all pitch-perfect. Rollins escapes, and then Lesnar destroys everything in sight, and he proves that he is probably the greatest pro wrestler alive, because everything is more important with him doing it.

3. Wade Barrett vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Stardust vs. Dean Ambrose vs. R-Truth vs. Luke Harper - WrestleMania
I think this match is getting overlooked because all ladder matches are great, but this match really was awesome. Everybody got their chance to shine in the match, and there were plenty of "Holy shit" moments. I didn't think there was any chance that Barrett would suplex Stardust off the ladder, but it sure happened. And, even though I was cheering for Ziggler, the ending was absolutely fantastic, because headbutts are the best.

2. Zane Riley and Caleb Konley "The World's Dudest Tag Team" vs. Candice LeRae and Joey Ryan "The World's Cutest Tag Team" - WrestleCon
What are usually the worst wrestling matches? Mixed tag matches. You can't get in a tag rhythm, and everything ends up stilted and boring. But OH MY GOD, this match. The World's Cutest Tag Team comes out to The Darkness's "I Believe in a Thing Called Love." And do you know why one team is known as the World's Dudest Tag Team? Because Zane Riley is just a dude, with a beard, dressing in women's wrestling gear. That means it wasn't just guys against guys and girls against girls; it was a goddamn free for all, and it was one of the most wonderful things I have ever seen. Candice LeRae straight up GOES. Somebody called her female John Cena, and they weren't wrong, but she does more risky moves and nothing can stop her. At one point, she grabbed Konley by the balls to do a balls suplex off the top rope, but Riley came in and grabbed her like a bowling ball with his thumb up her butt and a finger in...well, you know, and then Joey Ryan came in and got the whole thing started by lifting up Riley and everyone went tumbling back for a huge superballsplex involving everyone. I thought the match was over at one point, and that was only the halfway point of the match, as they just kept doing high spots, and I was all in on this match. The World's Cutest Tag Team won, because Joey Ryan is awesome, and Candice is an unstoppable force, God, this match was so awesome.

1. Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns, and eventually vs. Seth Rollins - WrestleMania
There were people who cried their eyes out about Roman Reigns got to main event WrestleMania. They did it, because he wasn't ready, yet they all wanted him to win the Royal Rumble the year before when it came down to him and Batista. Anyway, Brock Lesnar is the greatest thing in pro wrestling and him and Reigns told an awesome story that I was totally into. Lesnar just a dominant beast welcoming Reigns to suplex city, while Reigns is too stupid to stay down. Finally, Reigns gets a glimmer of hope and finally gets some offense on Lesnar for Seth Rollins music to hit and him to come sprinting down, putting in a great 40 time, to make the match a triple threat. Rollins curb stomps Lesnar, but it's not enough, and then he gets put up for an F-5, only for Reigns to save him with a spear. Rollins thanks Reigns with a curb stomp to him and gets the pin. The crowd went insane for Rollins, who yes, everyone realizes is a total heel, but also realizes that the guy has been the best thing on Raw for the last six months. Rollins, not Reigns, is the champion that we want to boo. Wrestling fans can boo him vigorously while still appreciating everything he does. It was an incredible moment.

I saw a ton of incredible wrestling during WrestleMania weekend, and honestly, if I saw a live card with the ten lowest ranked matches on this list, I still would have thought it was a pretty solid card. But in the end, there could only be one match at the top of this list, and that is the main event of WrestleMania. It's the pinnacle of the wrestling year, and it delivered beyond my wildest expectations. I waited 30 years to go to my first WrestleMania, I'm not going to wait that long before attending my second.