What It's Like To Be A Temp Worker

Last week, I talked about how the unemployed lifestyle ain't all it cracked up to be. It was kind of a bummer piece. But even though I haven't gotten a full-time job, I have been working temp jobs to fill my time and make some money. Let me just start by saying. temping isn't awful. It isn't great, but it is way better than not working at all. I have been very fortunate in that I have worked with really nice people in all of my positions. The biggest downside of temping is everybody sucks when starting a new job, and right when you start to get in a groove with things, your time there is done, and you are forced to start over somewhere else again. I'm not sure if anybody remembers the show "The Pretender" where the main character had a different job every week like fighter pilot, emergency room doctor, or bounty hunter. But temping is a lot like that, except WAY less exciting.

My first position was working in the marketing department of a local college, and they thought they would find something for me until they realized I was more talented than they initially thought and we mutually agreed it was not going to be a good option.

After that, I had a week off until I took a different job at the same college where I worked as a receptionist. On paper, it was a sweet gig. I just had to sit up front and could do whatever I wanted. If I wanted to cruise the internet, go ahead, pop in some headphones and learn Spanish, sure, I even wrote a book (with drawings) for my wife for our anniversary. The problem was that I was stuck there. Outside of going to the bathroom and taking a lunch, I had to sit out front and be present. It definitely sapped my motivation as time went on. They offered me the position full-time, but I'm not sure if I could have made it another month, as I was anxious every day from being forced to sit still.

My most recent position was an events position for a nonprofit. Everybody there was really nice, and I fit in the culture really well. It was a temp-to-hire position, so it was actually really promising. On my first day, my boss told me that if I proved myself, they would probably be willing to offer me the full-time position in two-to-three weeks.

I started tackling projects to the best of my ability, and somehow this backfired on me. After two days of working with my boss, she told me that I was too talented for the position. In all reality, the position was totally fine by me; it was basically just like my old full-time job, and I enjoyed that position. It was a job that would make sense for me from what my past experience was. Telling me I was too talented was the ultimate mindfuck. How can I properly respond to that? How do you tell someone that you're not that great, and this is the position for me? Do I assure them that I will fuck stuff up from time to time? I tried to agree with how great I am (it was not that hard), but at the same time saying that I would like the opportunity as I am not in the position to shoot for the stars at this point in my life.

They were concerned I would leave the position, I told them that I would stick with them through their busy period at the very least before even considering any other positions. My boss wanted to offer me the position, but the President wanted to do her due diligence and interview other people while also considering me.

It took two months for them to finally get around to the interviewing process. In that time, I had done every assignment incredibly well and just about everybody loved me there. In a building of 20 people, half of those told me how much they wanted me to get the job or assured me I was a shoo-in for the position. I figured they'd bring in a few token candidates before offering me the position. Instead, they decided to interview nine people for the position.

Still, this was a slam dunk opportunity. The first interview was with my boss and the HR lady. I presented myself incredibly well, and it was a breeze. If I was in a frat, I would say I crushed it, or slayed it, or possibly combined the two and crush-slayed it. But it went well. My boss told me that I made it to the final two, and I politely thanked her while thinking to myself, "No shit, Sherlock; there was no way I wasn't going to make it to the final interview."

And that brings me to another point. One of my weaknesses is not being great on paper, my other issue is confidence. Most people will tell you to try and be confident during an interview; this has never been an issue for me, but the opposite has been. I am too confident when I go into interviews. Even jobs I have gotten in the past, I was told that my confidence worried them. Basically, I walk into my interviews like I'm interviewing for a porno and I'm packing a footlong in my pants (Speaking of that, maybe bringing in a $5 footlong from Subway for the interviewers would help my chances). So, yes, confidence is an issue for me, but not in the same way as other unemployed people.

Speaking of that confidence, my next interview was with the President of the nonprofit. We hadn't talked a ton, but I had the ultimate advantage as she was a fellow alum at the University of Iowa. Hawkeyes stick together, so this interview should have been even easier. And it was an easy interview. The only weird thing was that she said she was looking forward to getting to know me better on a personal level, and then proceeded to only ask me work-related questions. If I don't mention my wife, pup dog, or pro wrestling, it is probably not a personal conversation. Still, I had proved myself for the last two months, so as things were winding down, I was only wondering how much money they were going to offer me.

Welp, that didn't quite work out, as they gave the position to the other candidate. Through the grapevine, I learned that my confidence was definitely not seen as an asset. So now I'm back on the hunt for my next opportunity. Should I try to tone down my confidence? Sure, I should, but change is hard, and I'm a snowflake, and they should appreciate me for being special in my own way.

Long story short, unless my Mom is in charge of hiring, I'm probably going to be bouncing around temp jobs for a while longer. 

Breaking Down the WWE's ICOPRO Commercials

One thing that is abundantly clear when watching early episodes of Raw is that Vince McMahon really wanted ICOPRO to succeed. It was around this time when Vince created a bodybuilding league, because McMahon was and still is obsessed with physiques but is unfortunately in a very small minority when it comes to that. Still, with that obsession with bodybuilding, he also got into the supplement game with ICOPRO.

Now you may be asking yourself: ICOPRO, that's six letters, this must be an incredibly long name, but don't worry, it actually stands for Integrated COnditioning PROgram. He would have gone with ICP, but let's face it, McMahon is not down with the clown and would never pledge his allegiance as a Juggalo.

The most important part of ICOPRO is that it led to wrestlers being involved in awkward promotions for the product with the simple catchphrase of, "You gotta want it." Let's first check in with Bret Hart.

He had the opportunity to speak the most, but only mixed in the catchphrase within a full sentence in the middle of his nine second soliloquy. He also mentions that an "integrated approach to training" is what ICOPRO is all about instead of saying an Integrated COnditioning PROgram, which is what ICOPRO is actually all about.

And that is just about what he said. It is much more important to talk about what else is going on in this commercial. He has an ICOPRO tank which is understandable. His hair is wet, but Bret Hart was in a consistent state of wet hair, so I can't complain too much about that. Leather workout gloves? Come on, Bret, you are better than that, and to be fair, Bret proves that he is better than that as he is holding onto the WWF Title, which I guess he is using as a weight belt? If so, that is about as boss as it gets.

Next up, we have Lex Luger.

Lex delivers his line very well, and I at least give him respect for not wearing workout gloves. But I do wonder why anybody would need an outfit change for a workout? What I'm guessing is that bodybuilding tank actually started off as a shirt, and it eventually just shredded to the point where he had to go to his black ICOPRO shirt. Also, some shorter shorts would have helped, as I got way too intimate with Lex's "total package."

Finally, the bad guy, Razor Ramon.

Out of Bret Hart, Lex Luger, and Razor Ramon, you would assume that Razor would be the one guy you would want speaking, but it was the opposite as the bad guy didn't say anything. He did get the Lex Luger treatment with a wardrobe change, but that makes sense when he switched from curls to military presses. Still, Razor remains a true baller as he works out with a toothpick in his mouth. That's a boss move.

And those three guys make me want to give ICOPRO a try. I can work out with a toothpick in my mouth, a title belt around my waist, while letting the ladies know my circumcision situation without ever uttering a word. Unfortunately, ICOPRO has not been made for about 20 years. But this is the cause that a wrestler needs to take up and make happen. CM Punk failed with the ice cream bars, but couldn't Cesaro bring back ICOPRO? Why Cesaro? Well, I'm guessing that whatever was in ICOPRO can no longer be legally manufactured in the United States, so Cesaro is the perfect guy to open up the European markets. Come on, WWE, you've gotta want it.

The 3 Best Jobbers in WWE History

There are some times where I will wax nostalgically on the past. This happens most often when looking at the WWE, or the WWF as it was known in the good old days. Watching the early days of Raw long for the days of jobbers. They are nearly extinct when it comes to WWE television, as the closest thing that they have really had were a variety of skinny guys that Ryback would beat up a couple years ago. Some would argue that Heath Slater is a jobber, but he wins occasionally and has a real gimmick where he speaks. That man is a superstar, and I'm looking for true jobbers.

Because of that, I would like to look at some of the best jobbers during the glory days of wrestling. Now there are people who will look at guys like The Brooklyn Brawler or Barry Horowitz, but those guys are way too mainstream and even had some victories. I want my jobbers to be total losers, and none personified the term better than these jabronis.

3. Reno Riggins
Riggins probably has the second best jobber name of all time. That's not just for jobbers; that's for wrestlers in general. Reno Riggins is strong. It may have even inspired Lorenzo Lamas's character in Renegade, Reno Reigns. Although he had a fairly good career in smaller organizations, he was strictly brought in to get beaten down when he made it to WCW and the WWE. Here is the definition of a squash match.

Things we learned in this match:

1. Reno Riggins is not related to John Riggins (helpful).
2. Reno Riggins is also not related to Christopher Columbus (I don't know why I would have thought he was).
3. Mabel is not related to Barney, even though they both wear purple (that's not how relation works).

Commentary in the 80s and 90s was truly a wondrous thing.

2. Tony Roy
Tony Roy had potential as he was in great shape for a jobber. But that hair? That hair is the hair of a full-blown jobber. The most successful person to have that hair is Spark Plug Bob Holly, who always got beat as Spark Plug, and then shaved his head to finally become somewhat relevant. Tony tried the shaved head thing and became Antoine Roy, but you probably don't remember that gimmick either. For relevant videos, I could have gone with something from his WWE days, but this seems most relevant.

Just firing frisbees up into the crowd to get completely over with the crowd. If you're looking for some WWE material, here is an epic match against IRS.

1. L.A. Gore
So this man is the reason that Reno Riggins only has the second best name in jobber history. L.A. Gore is about as perfect as it gets. He is the perfect combination of Hollywood and raw violence. He is all that is man. He managed four matches on Raw in 1993, which may have given him more appearances on WWE's flagship show in that first year than Undertaker and Hulk Hogan combined. Here is his epic match against Mr. Perfect.

L.A. Gore did not do his homework. You simply can't go for a back body drop against Mr. Perfect as it is the easiest setup for the Perfect Plex. Gore took a four year break from WWE before making a one match comeback to lose to Scott Putski.

L.A. Gore, you may have been forgotten by many, but for my money, there's no better jobber than you.

Being Unemployed Sucks

Being unemployed sucks. I have been without full-time employment for nearly a year and a half. That sounds bad, and it is bad, but it could be worse. I got a severance package from my last position, so I was still getting paid for a few months, and then I collected unemployment for a few more. In May, my wife got a job and we moved, and in June I began taking temporary positions. Still, after nearly a year and a half and nearly 1000 positions applied for, I remain unemployed.

One thing I like to do is read about the unemployment statistics and stories. Well, I don't really like doing it, but I do it, and this is definitely a case of misery loves company. At first, the one thing that surprised me was the number of people that had just given up on finding a job, but as time has gone on, I understand it more and more. I have been able to stay motivated at most times, but there are days where I just don't want to look at open jobs, because I have already convinced myself that there is nothing out there for me. Those are the sad moments, which happen slightly more than the angry moments where I get mad at nothing in particular, just my inability to move forward.

I only have myself to blame. I have made irresponsible decisions when it comes to my career, and this is the side effect of those decisions. In 2010, I left a job that I enjoyed in minor league baseball to move to Albuquerque to get my ass kicked every day training in mixed martial arts. It was one of the most fulfilling experiences of my life, but it doesn't exactly pop on a resume. Combine that with the long stretch of unemployment I had after leaving my last job in Iowa, and there are definitely some red flags for potential employers. I suck on paper, and it prevents me from proving how great I am in person, but whining about it won't help. It's nobody's fault but mine, so all I can do is suck it up and keep plowing forward.

90% of the time, I keep a positive attitude. Logically, I understand that feeling sorry for myself isn't going to help, so I might as well keep a good attitude about things. As I said, this works 90% of the time, but there are other times where it gets super fucking depressing. Like, holy shit, what is wrong with me? I'm not gonna lie; I've had a couple days where I just wanted to curl up and go to sleep, because the only thoughts on my mind are about my inability to get a damn job. It is that sense of failure that just weighs me down. I know that sulking isn't going to help, but sometimes, it has gotten the better of me, and I give in to start new the next day.

I'll admit that seeing that in writing is pretty sad, but I'm still fine. Everybody gets depressed here and there; Most people have it way worse than I do, so I am definitely not looking for a pity party. I just have one area that causes me a ton of grief. I'm incredibly happy to be married, as my wife helps me feel like the luckiest unemployed guy in the whole world. If I was not married, I would really be struggling, but she has been beyond great the entire time (I could probably write an entire post that just focused on how great she has been). Also, shout out to Casey the Dog as she helps me get outside to play with her. Just getting out and breathing in that fresh air is really helpful, and it is something that I would be lazy about and avoid if I didn't have the dog forcing me to play.

I am actively failing to find a job every day, but eventually I will succeed. Will that make it a more enriching experience when I do find a good job? I'm not gonna bullshit you; it won't. It will simply be a feeling of relief, because in the day-to-day struggle, it can be pretty miserable. Still, in the grand scheme of things, I'd say I'm still coming out ahead. I have a great wife and dog, I live in Florida instead of the Midwest; so my December has 80 degree weather instead of 8 degree weather. Being unemployed sucks, but it's not the end of the world. Now if you'll excuse me, my dog is pestering me to play ball. I could use the fresh air, and this is one job I plan on keeping.

The Hottest and Coldest Takes on LeBron James

Hot takes are all the rage these days, and it would be irresponsible for me to not teach all of you the ins and outs of the take world. I will do this by taking something that everyone has a take on, LeBron James's legacy. Some hot takes have him as the greatest thing since the steam engine; others say he's overrated. What I am looking to do is take the hottest of takes and eventually work it down to the coolest of takes. Let's take a trip down the Take Turnpike and see where we exit.

Take: LeBron James is the greatest basketball player ever and could take any four guys and beat the Dream Team. 

This is a very hot take, but it is so extreme that people know to keep their distance from this take. It's the sun. We know it's so hot that we're not even going to touch it. People will likely insult you while staying away from your take if you make it this hot.

Take: LeBron James is better than Michael Jordan.

This take actually may be even hotter as invoking Jordan's name inevitably brings out a lot of emotion in people. I will admit that my fingers were burning a little bit as they moved across my keyboard. This take is a hot stove, and the people around you are children. They know the stove is hot, but they have to touch it to find out exactly how hot it is. This is a take that will immediately spark debate, and the great thing is this debate will never be settled, because it can never be settled. Even though this is not the hottest, it is the worst take in that it will make both people who get involved in the debate worse people by the end with neither budging an inch on their side of the take.

Take: LeBron James is a great basketball player. 

Now we're getting into some tamer takes. LeBron James seems like a great basketball player at first glance. Still, this take has some spice to it, as people love to complain that the league has gone soft, and LeBron would have never made it in the 80s (always the 80s, despite just about everything in the 80s being terrible). Those guys played the game the right way, and they weren't buddies with their opponents. This take is a jalapeno. It's got enough spice to it that you wouldn't want to rub it in your eye.

Take: LeBron James is a good basketball player.

Okay, this is a fair take. It would take a real asshole to argue that LeBron James is not a good basketball player. Still, it's possible, especially with the 80s toughness argument. Instead of using that to say he wouldn't be great, it's just as easy to say he never would have made it in the NBA facing real tough guys like Bill Laimbeer and Kevin McHale (yes, all arguments against LeBron must also have a tinge of racism in them; I don't make the rules, but I must follow them). Still, this is not a hot take compared to the (racist) alternative. It's basically the equivalent of putting some fresh ground pepper on your meal.

Take: LeBron James is a basketball player.

Now that's a cool take. It is impossible to argue with this statement. Well, almost impossible. I mean, at the moment you are reading this, he might be taking a shower or reading to his kids. I can take a shower and read, but it doesn't make me a basketball player. There is no way to predict the future and say that he will ever play again. He might just be a professional clean guy or book reader. On top of that, language is fluid, so definitions are constantly in flux. What we today consider a basketball player may turn into a completely different meaning down the line. Still, this is about as spicy as a glass of orange juice.

Take: LeBron James was considered a basketball player during his career in what was known as the National Basketball Association, although the meanings of basketball and the NBA as a whole is in constant flux and is no way set in stone for eternity, or even the next hour. 

Finally, we have reached the coolest take. There is no argument here, just a cold glass of milk that can cool down even the hottest of takes on LeBron James.

Both hot and cool takes are a tricky world, so please leave them to the professionals like PFT Commenter and...yeah, probably just PFT Commenter.

I Want to Hang Out with The Fabulous Freebirds

Being born in 1984, the entire 80s is a dark period for me when it comes to WCW wrestling. I either remember or have rewatched numerous times the important matches from the WWE, but that era of WCW is a pretty big dark spot in my knowledge of pro wrestling history. Watching the WWE Network has been fantastic in that I have learned so much about that era of WCW. Maybe the most important thing that I have learned is there may not be a group of pro wrestlers that I would rather hang out with than the Fabulous Freebirds.

Although their ring work would never win any awards, these guys understood that wrestling is sports entertainment as they knew how to entertain a crowd. Although purists probably consider Buddy Roberts as a true Freebird, for my money, there was no greater combination than Michael P.S. (Pure Sexy) Hayes, Terry Gordy, and Jimmy "Jam" Garvin (who was also referred to as "Gorgeous" Jimmy Garvin).

Jimmy Garvin is the happiest person on the planet. They did a promo after wrestling to a time-limit draw, and all he could do was talk about how great a draw was. He admitted that it wasn't as good as a win, but it's still pretty damn good. Also, Michael P.S. Hayes was a guy I only remember late in his career when he had lost a step (or 30), but he was pretty great in his prime. Those two guys were originators in the field of West Coast Dance as they would take turns dancing as the other one just aggressively pointed at him. It was wonderful. Then Terry Gordy was one of the ugliest people ever, but a total bruiser. He was rightfully phased out, so Garvin and Hayes could follow their true destiny and become the hard partying rock stars of wrestling.

To simplify it, the best I can do is a comparison to It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I can just about guarantee that Michael Hayes used the D.E.N.N.I.S. System, Jimmy Garvin used the M.A.C. and Gordy took the scraps. I guess this makes Buddy Roberts Rickety Cricket and DDP is Schmitty.

Guys, if you're reading this, I'm near the Tampa area, and my offer stands to party. I'll supply the booze, you supply the stories, and together, we'll have one hell of a time (And if you need chicks, we can go to a strip club, just don't tell my wife). 

Everything You Need To Know About The Furious 7 Trailer

Two minutes and forty-two seconds. It doesn't sound like much time. It is less than 1/20th of an hour. It is only about 1/500th of a day. Overall, that little amount of time really shouldn't matter. Still, any individual second can count, and this weekend, I found something where every one of the 162 seconds matter. The Furious 7 trailer was released, and it is glorious.

Since I am on the verge of dying from anticipation, Lukewarm Jonah sent in his comprehensive breakdown of the Furious 7 trailer:

So I don’t think I’m overstating the fact that the most important event in human history just happened.  The Fast And Furious 7 trailer dropped.  I’m going to break down the trailer with as much detail and thought that a super fan like myself can.

The trailer starts out with Dom (Vin Diesel) talking on the CB radio to his crew.  The shot goes from him, to Letty (Michelle Rodriguez), to Roman (Tyrese) and we hear from Tej (Ludacris) who is asking Roman if he’s freaking out which he clearly is.  Now why is Roman freaking out so much?  I mean they’re all in cars, it’s basically where they live.  It’s no stretch to call them the greatest team of drivers ever.  Roman says he’s not freaking out but Tej calls him out and he and Brian O’ Connor (Paul Walker) have a good laugh.  Roman wants someone to walk him through what they’re supposed to be doing.  Come on Roman know the plan, I mean you’re probably just driving and pulling off a heist or something get those butterflies out of your stomach.  The red light goes off, some sort of rear door opens and we get to see everyone in some sweet rides.

Cut to an exterior shot of an airplane!?  What the hell?  They’re in an airplane?  In cars?  Now this I’ve got to see.  I mean they have a lot of experience in airplaning from the last movie, but I didn’t see any doomsday devices handed out.  O’ Connor says “Just when you thought it couldn’t get any better” to his boy Dom.  Dom says “Here we go” while Roman provides some comic relief by blessing himself.  What is going on here?  Holy shit they throw the cars in reverse and skydive out of a fucking plane, IN CARS!  Parachutes deploy and they make it onto the road no problem.  Tej sums it up better than I ever could, “Hell Yeah!”  I would just like to take a minute and point out that the trailer starts with the crew skydiving out of a plane in cars.  That’s the start, we’re just ramping up from here.

The crew is now driving on a road, all normal like, when they pull up on a bus.  Oh we’ve seen this before.  Clearly they’re going to be taking this bus down.  Are they springing someone from a prison bus?  Pulling off a big heist?  Who knows?  But we all know that if there’s one thing that Dom and the crew can do it’s pretty much anything they want involving moving vehicles.  But “Oh Shiiii….” Tej again has the perfect words for this situation.  The bus presses a magic button and guns come out of the side and start firing.  O’ Connor’s car is lit up with gun fire and he seems to pull off to the side.  But no big deal, reunited lovers Dom and Letty “Hook ‘em up” and fire gatlings into the bus and pull off the back with a little help from Tej’s magic button and the power of brakes.  Dom says Brian is up, but wait a minute I thought he pulled over.

Naw girl, he’s freaking surfing on his bullet hole ridden car while being pushed by Tej’s hummer.  So he hops into the bus taking some chump down in the process.  While it’s not shown, it’s safe to assume he takes down the other jabronis on the bus and shoots a lock on a door, pulls the hood off of some person, and surprise, it’s an attractive female.  Brian, being the all american good guy, tells her they’re going to get her out of there.  She has to jump onto the hood of Dom’s car and really seems to have no problem doing so.  She screams, but I assume Dom uses his super driving skills to chill her out.  But there’s a problem.  With all the jabronis Brian took down, there’s no one driving the bus and it flips!

The bus rides along the road on its side for a little bit before coming to rest.  Whew!  That was a close one.  Oh did I forget to mention that it comes to a rest over the edge of a cliff?  Because that’s exactly what it does.  O’ Connor hops out the door which is the part that’s hanging over a cliff.  He climbs up the side of the bus like a boss but the rocks are starting to crumble.  He breaks out in a dead sprint across the bus while it’s falling over the cliff.  Things look bleak, but Letty is racing towards the bus.  She power slides as Brian is still running across the falling bus.  He leaps and catches the spoiler on Letty’s powersliding car.  Holy shit looks like he made it out of this one safe and sound.  The bus falls off the cliff and all those kidnapping dickheads on board presumably fall to a terrible death.  And that’s the end of the trailer.  Or is it?  It’s not.  No all of this insane action has happened in about the first minute and a half.  How are they going to top all this?  Strap yourself in and get ready for a hell of a ride.

Dom’s on the phone with some limey who killed Han (Sung Kan).  The limey says that Dom doesn’t know him but he’s about to and the scene where he crashes into Han and walks away is shown.  The tea sipper is shown to be Jason Statham.  Dom tells his crew that it looks like the sins of London have followed them home.  Also of note, new rescued girl is with the crew now.

Hobbs (Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson) makes his first appearance and you know business is about to pick up.  He explains that new foreinger is Owen Shaw’s “Big bad brother.”  Man, Dom and his crew have horrible luck.  It seems like every movie they keep running into someone bigger and badder than before.  I have a theory that Fast 8 will feature Owen’s brother Deckard’s bigger badder cousins, Nic Cage and Jean Claude Van Damme.  Also as you just read, Hobbs’ file contains the name Deckard Shaw, so it’s safe to assume that’s Statham’s character.  We get a couple seconds of Deckard being a badass against some randoms, just to establish how tough he really is.

Tej makes a statement that really sums up what’s going on “We’re being hunted.”  Look I don’t care how tough you are, how tough your brother is, you’re not going to hunt down Dom’s crew.  They show shots of Dom, Hobbs, and O’ Connor getting ready by having some sweet/giant guns and bullet proof vests.  It’s interesting to note that O’Connor is wearing an FBI vest, so at least O’Connor is back on the legit side of the law.  After this, there is a very poignant shot of Dom and O’Connor where Dom states “One last ride.”  Sadly, Walker’s death does mean that this is truly their last ride together.

Cut to shots of insane cars driving… in the desert????  I know it’s the desert because there’s a shot of sand and camels.  What have the guys gotten themselves into now?  Oh there’s an insane party going on with gold painted girls and quite possibly Little John DJing while a bunch of presumably rich people throwing their hands in the air like they just don’t care.  Cut to a shot of the crew dressed to the nines.  Tuxes, suits, dresses, they are straight crushing walking down stairs.

Cut to a shot of a car race, where Dom’s Charger can be seen.  I’m going to go out on a limb and predict that he wins the race.  Good news, there’s also a sweet shot of some booty as a chick bends over and drops the scarf to start the race.  Letty’s driving, then there’s some red and an explosion.  Gunfire in that red building, then cut to a shot of Dom driving his Charger.  Lots of Fast and Furious action going on here.  We see that Dom has a cut on his hand as he shifts, I assume from backhanding some bad guy too much.  The word vengeance hits the screen and we go back to the real star of the movie, Hobbs.

Hobbs utters possibly the greatest line ever spoken by anyone, “Daddy’s got to go to work.”  Oh and work he does.  His arm is in a cast which is very confusing.  My theory is that Shaw blindsided Hobbs just like he did to Han.  Only Shaw was driving a tank, Hobbs was just standing around, and he had just finished drinking a kryptonite smoothie.  Seems like the most logical way Hobbs could end up with a broken arm.  So it’s tough to tell if Hobbs rips the cast off, or just simply flexes and breaks it apart.  But the message is clear, Hobbs doesn’t let a minor setback like broken bones slow him down.  Now he fights some dude with a shaved head that at first I assumed was Shaw, but upon pausing the trailer, it looks like just some random jabroni that a smackdown must be laid down upon.  Hobbs makes this guy look like a punk even with one arm and punches him through a glass window.

We get a shot of Shaw looking tough with a gun, as a familiar voice, Kurt Russell, tells Dom something that sounds like, “This is a world that doesn’t play by your rules.”  Followers of Dom know that he has a code, and spoiler alert, we’ll hear more about that code later on in the trailer.  It’s not all “Show me how and drive and I’ll show you who you are.”

More quick cuts, Shaw shoots a gun, possibly at a sick red car that’s driving in a sick house.  Hobbs is firing a gatling gun, just like Roadblock in GI Joe.  Letty’s in a red dress, Dom’s in a tux with Letty in a red dress, kidnap victim is coming out of the water in a bikini as Roman and Tej look on.  A helicopter flies, O’Connor drives a car like a champ.  Dom and Shaw appear to have samuri swords in each hand as they fly at each other.  Shaw’s sweet ride is wrecked while Dom’s Charger seems to be in pretty solid shape.

The next shot has Shaw against the cement part of a street light with Dom winding up for a home run swing.  Sadly, it appears that Dom is swinging a crowbar and not a samurai sword.  He misses and explodes the concrete.  Smart fans will remember that Dom is especially deadly with wrenches, so it makes sense he’s a complete badass with a crowbar as well.  The trailer then shows shots of Tej, Roman, Letty, and the first shot of Mia (Jordanna Brewster) O’Connor’s wife and Dom’s sister.  She looks concerned, and I mean super concerned.  Kurt Russell’s voice speaks over these shots and tells Dom, “Like it or not, you and your friends are part of this now.”  Dom responds with the wisdom that cannot be taught or learned, it has to be God given.  “I don’t have friends, I got family.”  Boom!  Suck on that Shaw, you and your brother may have been blood, but you don’t have shit on Dom and his family.  Cut to a long shot of O’Connor and Roman in the background.  Furious 7, weird title, coming April 2015.

And that’s your trailer folks.  I’m writing this from my smart phone as I’m already camped out in line for the movie.  If you have any other questions please feel free to ask, because I feel that I’m the foremost expert on all things Fast and or Furious.

What Does Jose Canseco's Missing Middle Finger Mean For His Career?

News of Jose Canseco shooting off his middle finger has the whole world in mourning. It took me a while to gather my thoughts. Jose is a very emotional person, but emotional people need logical people to balance them out, so instead of the emotional take of me cutting my own middle finger off to donate to Jose, I have decided to take the rational take.

What does this mean for Jose Canseco's career?

Baseball
We will start with the obvious in discussing his baseball career. Jose assured the world that he could still hit 40 home runs in the major leagues if he was just given a chance. Most people openly laughed at this belief, and I was laughing too; I thought that number was way too low. Turns out other people thought it was too high. This made me think that he probably had it just right. This is the easiest one to figure out. Since he would hit 40 home runs with ten fingers, but now he only has nine fingers, he would still hit 9/10 of the home runs he predicted. So a team should definitely still sign him.
Conclusion: 36 home runs.

Writing
Jose Canseco is a published author who is known for his inventive spellings and sayings on Twitter. Now that he is typing while missing a vital finger, clearly he can't be as great as he once was, but I still believe him to be great. He's been going on a tweeting spree referring to Leila as his fiance which would imply that she is a man. Blowing off a finger can only end in one way for Jose Canseco's writing future.
Conclusion: All the misspelled words.

Mixed Martial Arts
Although Canseco's record may indicate that he has fallen short in the world of fighting, don't let these stat nerds fool you. Canseco fears no man, and if you think Jose will ever stop challenging Shaq to a fight, you have another thing coming. Obviously losing a finger will make things incredibly difficult for Jose, but don't ever count him out. Nick Newell has done incredible things while missing half of his arm. Since Jose is only missing a finger, I think I know how this story ends.
Conclusion: UFC Champion

So, yeah, I think things are going to turn out a-ok for Jose. Best of luck to him on a speedy recovery.