Friday, January 29, 2010

Strikeforce Preview

This is a violence filled weekend for me as I will watch Iowa dominate Cael Sanderson's Penn State wrestling team tonight on Iowa Public Television, and then watch some Strikeforce tomorrow night on Showtime. For my picks in the wrestling meet, I will take Iowa in every match except for at 157, because Iowa sucks there.

For Strikeforce, I'll go a little more in depth. I figure with Herschel Walker, Bobby Lashley, and real MMA talent as well, it should be an entertaining card. I'll also include the current lines from Bodog. Also, since I'm sure a lot of people have no clue what MMA lines mean, the negative line is the favorite.

Jay Hieron -450 vs. Joe Riggs +300
Although this fight will not make the Showtime broadcast, it will be streamed live off of Joe Riggs is a guy who once had a title shot in the UFC, but he really hasn't beaten a top level opponent since he beat Nick Diaz four years ago. Meanwhile, Jay Hieron has won his last six fights and hasn't lost for 2 1/2 years. He's a very good all around fighter, and although a lot of people like to talk up Joe Riggs's punching power, he doesn't have knockout power, and I think Hieron has the advantage in every area of this fight. He's not great in any one area, so I think Hieron will win a unanimous decision in this fight.

Bobby Lashley -1200 vs. Wes Sims +650
Bobby Lashley is a huge favorite in this fight against journeyman, Wes Sims. Lashley has been protected so far in his MMA career and that will not change in this fight as Sims is about as ideal of an opponent as you can find for Lashley. He used to fight in the UFC, he was on the last season of The Ultimate Fighter, he won't be able to stop Lashley from taking him down, and he doesn't have great submissions either. I know Lashley used to be in the WWE and I know he was a great college wrestler, but he is not on the same level as Brock Lesnar and I think he will be exposed in the future, but in this one, I predict Lashley by first round TKO.

Herschel Walker -325 vs. Greg Nagy +250
Walker has been all over the media hyping his first MMA fight, and we will be able to see what a 47 year old ex-football player can bring to the fight game. All reports say that he's a beast of an athlete, but it's very different training than it is fighting and some people rise to the occasion while others don't. They put him against Nagy who has a career record of 1-1, so there is a very good chance this is the least technical of all the fights on the card. Nagy doesn't seem to be a super athlete of any sort as he played high school football and just got into MMA a year and a half ago. I have never seen Nagy fight, but Strikeforce invested in Herschel Walker so this should be a very winnable fight for him. I see it being an ugly fight that goes the distance with Walker winning a unanimous decision.

Melvin Manhoef -190 vs. Robbie Lawler +155
This has the best chance of being the best fight of the night. Two guys who love to strike, but unfortunately for Bettendorf native Lawler, Manhoef seems to be on another level when striking. Manhoef has 24 wins and 23 of them are from TKOs or KOs. In the video below, Manhoef fought Mark Hunt, who is one of the best kickboxers in the world and outweighed him by about 100 pounds:

Lawler said he has no intentions of taking the fight to the ground, but if he wants to win this fight, it's his best opportunity as Manhoef has about as much submission defense as me. Still Lawler is a brawler, and I can definitely see him following through on his promise to keep it standing. Because of that, I'm picking Manhoef by 2nd round KO.

Cristiane Santos -800 vs. Marloes Coenen +500
Oooh, it's a lady...fight. This is the first of two title fights, and I think the challenger summed it up best when she said, "My stand-up is OK, my wrestling is OK and my ground game is OK." With those inspiring words, I'll take the champion by TKO in the first.

Nate Diaz -260 vs. Marius Zaromskis +200
This is for the vacant Strikeforce Welterweight title, and as far as watching for strategy, this is the most interesting fight of the night. Zaromskis is nicknamed "The Whitemare" which sounds like a really hate-filled Eastern European name, and he has finished his last three opponents with a head kick. Meanwhile, Diaz is a Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt, but he has been outboxing his recent opponents so he is not afraid to stand with people. Diaz is extremely well rounded, but his wrestling is suspect, so it is questionable whether he will have the ability to take Zaromskis down. Zaromskis has knockout power, but I'm not sure if he can be considered a top level striker yet. It's an interesting fight, but I think Diaz drags it to the ground in the third round and submits him.

That's who I've got on the fights, and looking back, I am definitely showing cowardice in my picks, as I have nothing but favorites winning, but this isn't a great card for the underdogs. I feel Lawler has the best chance of winning as an underdog, and for the sleeper, Marloes Coenen might be able to submit Santos if she is able to take her down. Enjoy the fights.


Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Improving the Bears

For all but Saints and Colts fans, football season is over. This is a great time to look back on the positives and negatives of your favorite team. Looking back on the Bears season, the positives were that they beat Brett Favre and the Vikings and…um, shit, not much else.

The negatives were:

Trading For Jay Cutler and Giving Away a Bunch of High Picks

Brian Urlacher’s Injury

Giving Jay Cutler a Big Guaranteed Contract Through 2013

Our Offensive Line Being Swiss Cheese

Jay Cutler’s Interceptions

Matt Forte Taking a Major Step Backwards

Jay Cutler’s Stupid Look On His Face

Tommie Harris Having an IQ Lower Than 70

Jay Cutler Missing Wide Open Receivers

The Gaines Adams Trade

Not Getting the Real Jay Cutler

Lovie Smith Showing He Knows Nothing About Defense

Jay Cutler’s Leadership

Also, the off-season has gotten off to a stellar start with nobody wanting to be a coordinator for the Bears. On offense, they are going after a bunch of people with no proven track record, and none of them will even consider the position. Meanwhile, the one person with a proven track record of always having great offenses, Mike Martz, is practically begging for the job, and the Bears refuse to give him an interview.

But back to Jay Cutler. He sucks. The guy has never won. He didn’t win in college; he didn’t win for the Broncos. He is a loser. He has a very strong arm, and people really get excited about that, but he can’t read a defense to save his life (I’m not sure if he could read a book to save his life either).

Most people have jumped on board with the Jay Cutler Sucks Bandwagon, but there are still those people that feel he just needs a #1 Receiver to be great. I have great news for those people, the Bears first round pick this year is currently projected to select: Dez Bryant, WR, Oklahoma State. Dez Bryant is arguably the best receiver to come out of college since Calvin Johnson, as most scouts prefer him over last year’s top wide receiver, Michael Crabtree. Holy shit, that’s awesome news for the Bears, but, what? Wait a minute. Oh, that’s right; they gave that pick to the Broncos.

My personal plan would be for the Bears to blow everything up and get rid of everyone. Trade every valuable player they have for future draft picks, and I would prefer to not even get 2010 or 2011 draft picks, I want them to look into 2012 and 2013, because this team is going to suck for a while, so the key is to focus on 2014 and beyond. What many people don’t realize about the salary cap is that it also creates a salary floor, and since there will be no cap this year, the Bears could technically go down to a $60 million dollar payroll if they wanted (This year’s salary floor was 112.1 million). This would be awesome, but there is no way that Jerry Angelo would do this, because even as cheap as Bears’ ownership is, they won’t stand for the team to be Detroit Lions bad.

My realistic plan would be to first try to sign Brandon Marshall as a restricted free agent. He is clashing with McDaniels, so there’s a chance the Bears could get him for just a first rounder or just a second rounder, but even if they gave up a first and a third, the plan still works. Get Marshall at all costs. Put a clause in there that if he plays 6 or more of his games at above 5,000 feet above sea level, then his contract becomes guaranteed which means the Broncos won’t even have the choice of matching it.

Next, trade for a bunch of 6th and 7th round picks for these next two drafts. Preferably, I would like the Bears drafting somewhere between 8-10 times in the final two rounds. The NFL could easily go to a 12 round draft and teams would happily be selecting quality players with those picks. I want the Bears to strictly draft offensive linemen with these picks. People are really piss poor at scouting linemen, so there are always quality guys in later rounds that end up making multiple pro bowls. If the Bears find two starters, then they’ve done well with their picks as far as I’m concerned (Also, depending on the level of tender, Jammal Brown of New Orleans might be a good restricted free agent to get as he has been out for the year and replaced by Jermon Bushrod who is cheap and has been very solid this year. If it’s a second round tender, then they should definitely go for it).

I don’t think the defense is nearly as bad as they played this year, but they aren’t too good either. As long as Hunter Hillenmeyer doesn’t play, they are guaranteed to look better. If they can stay healthy and get a run stopping defensive tackle. This class is extremely deep in defensive tackles, and some good ones should fall to the second round, oh wait, the Bears traded their second round pick for Gaines Adams. Nice job, Bears. Nobody great is going to be there in the third, but the Bears do a good job of finding quality cornerbacks late, so maybe they can snag a quality guy there. The Bears should also abandon the Cover-2, and hire somebody from Baltimore, Philly, New Orleans, or the Jets and go blitz crazy on people. They don’t have the talent to get pressure with a straight up defense anymore, so they need to start to scheme any way that they can.

They would not have a dynasty with these changes. Nowhere near it. But they would have a rich man’s Jake Delhomme in Jay Cutler, and the Panthers managed to make a Super Bowl by having Delhomme strictly throw to Steve Smith, maybe the Bears can do the same when reuniting Marshall and Cutler.

Will the Bears do any of these things? Probably not. Will they suck for the next four years? Probably. Don’t worry Bears fans, 2014 is just around the corner.


P.S. If they decide to sign John David Booty, they could definitely have themselves a dynasty. For anyone not familiar, JDB played varsity football in SEVENTH GRADE. I think the only other people to do that were Shane Falco and Willie Beamon. Hence, a recipe for success.

P.P.S. Draft Edds and Angerer too.

P.P.P.S. I almost titled this EmBEARassing.

Ring of Hell Book Review

This is a book written by Matthew Randazzo V about the life of Chris Benoit who was one of the greatest professional wrestlers in history. Unfortunately, he tragically killed his wife, his son, and eventually hung himself.

This book follows along Chris Benoit’s life and career path but has a lot of interesting information about the business side of professional wrestling. Although it seems like a lot of stories are contradicted by different sources, it is a very interesting read and gives the reader a fairly good idea about Benoit and professional wrestling as a whole.

Some of the highlights of this book were reading about Chris Benoit’s Idol, The Dynamite Kid, Tom Bilington, the Hart Family, both the Japanese and Mexican wrestling organizations, and the three major organizations in the United States, ECW, WCW, and the WWE.

  • Things I’m Glad I Know:
    • “The thing that always kills me is people say wrestlers party like rock stars. I’m thinking, I’ve partied with rock stars. Rock stars don’t party anywhere near what wrestlers do. The quote should be that rock stars party like wrestlers…We partied like wrestlers and that was pretty much the pinnacle.”---Kevin Nash
    • McMahon said his perfect day would consist of “’good clean sex’ and weight training.” McMahon is my kind of guy.
    • “Flair might peek under a waitress’ skirt before explaining himself by saying, ‘Just checkin’ honey, you know what they say; no hair, no Flair! Whooo!’” I think I might be able to adjust this and look up the skirt, and say, “If she’s got some red flow, then she gets no Hott Joe, WHOOO!”
    • “the mentally challenged fans…were notorious for having sex during the matches and naming the resulting children after their favorite Stampede stars.” Is this on the Internet somewhere?

  • Things I Wish I Didn’t Know:
    • “future ECW world champion Tazz was inexplicably gripped by an earthshaking orgasm immediately after taking a routine suplex from Kevin Sullivan.”
    • “trainees in the Japanese promotion FMW were forced to masturbate into a refrigerated jar until it was full and then finally drink it upon their sempai’s orders.”

Outside of the really gross stuff which was still pretty entertaining, the big issue I had with this book was the writer would often insert his personal opinions on Benoit and the professional wrestling business. He constantly tried to demonize and make a fool out of Benoit for his passion for the business. Also, anybody who watches professional wrestling was somehow a lower life form than normal people. If that type of stuff came from people in the business, then I can handle that, but his sources are the experts, not him, and his opinion comes to the forefront way too often.

Other than that, this was a good read. I feel people who follow professional wrestling might find a little more enjoyment out of it than your average person, but it is a worthwhile read to anyone.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

King of the Hill

As a recovering Cubs fan, I still hate the Cardinals. Hence, I was ecstatic when they signed Matt Holliday for way too much money for way too many years. It was like the reverse feeling of when the Cubs signed Alfonso Soriano (Although, how hilarious would it have been if the Angels hadn't outbid the Cubs for Gary Matthews Jr.).

Unfortunately, the Cardinals made an awesome move today by signing Rich Hill to a minor league deal. Combining a guy with that much talent and Dave Duncan who does a great job of getting pitchers to hit the strike zone (Hill's biggest weakness) is going to be awesome for the Cardinals. If Hill stays healthy, I think he'll probably start the All-Star Game, win the Cy Young, and fix the health care system in the United States (or he'll throw up about a 3.70 ERA and strike out nearly a batter per inning). He's that good. Congratulations Cardinals, I won't be able to cheer Rich Hill anymore, but I still have one of my boys, as I think Mark Prior is just about ready to recover from his injuries.

Movie Review: College

I watch a lot of bad movies, so I figured it would be good to write movie reviews to help people either avoid awful movies or watch some hidden gems that didn't go gangbusters at the theaters. College was a movie that I watched recently. Please don't make the same mistake (I would alert people that there will be spoilers in this review, but the only way to spoil this movie is to actually watch it).

Plot – Take the archetypes for the three main characters of Superbad, make them shittier actors and make sure nothing funny happens, and you have the movie College.

Person You May Have Seen Somewhere Else…Kevin, played by Drake Bell plays Drake in the Disney show, Drake & Josh. I only last about 2-3 minutes on that show, because much like in this movie, he’s not funny in that either.

Pointless Character – This award has to go to two separate people, because neither one of them served any purpose. One guy was the frat guy who was in a full bodycast and couldn’t say or do anything. We found out he got that way by being dropped about six feet onto the sidewalk, which means he’s probably the first person in history to get a bodycast for something that weak. He didn’t say or do anything, so I suppose his sight was supposed to make me laugh; it didn’t.

Next was Verne Troyer of Austin Powers fame. He peed on the fat kid in the movie and not much else. At least he found some work.

Character that was the biggest douche – The unfunny fat guy was awful. He says a lot of crude things, but nothing even remotely clever. There isn’t even a line from this movie that I could jokingly use on a girl. Somehow, he bags the best looking girl in the movie without demonstrating anything that would make him attractive to a woman. He’s a fat, whiny, virgin who picks on the nerdy kid who sucks too.

Hookup that made no sense – This also has to go to fat guy and the cute blonde that he hooks up with. How do they fall in love? She asks to drink his beer, and when he lets her, she takes him upstairs to have sexual intercourse. They get interrupted by people about to enter the room, so he hides her under the bed with him. Apparently that impressed her, or him making stupid faces while lesbians fooled around on the bed made her wet in her panties. Even my friends that lie about hooking up with girls couldn’t say this story with a straight face.

Chicks – Poor. Even the cute blonde is not all that attractive for the teen comedy genre. The girl that the main character, Kevin, pursues isn’t all that good looking for just a night out. Very disappointing.

Likeable Character – Head of Frat, Teague, because he treated those guys like douchebags. He was an asshole throughout the entire movie without any provocation, but since the main characters sucked, I felt myself rooting for him to punish them.

Best Scene – Teague tells the entire frat party that the three main guys are actually high schoolers which makes everyone laugh. Then he says, “Once upon a time, we were high school kids too,” and everyone boos him for it, as if they weren't high schoolers at one point. Apparently everyone at this frat party got their GED after dropping out in eighth grade. Although that wasn’t supposed to be funny, it may have been the only time I laughed during this movie.

Why would they do that? – Since the three friends don’t want to stay at the dorms, they are desperate to stay at the frat house. The head of the frat decides that they need to take body shots off another frat guy, and this scene culminates in them taking shots of tequila out of some guy’s asshole. They could just stay at the dorms and head to a different frat party, but they decide it’s best to take shots out of the guy’s ass and stay at the party they’re already at.

Blatant Waste of Beer – At the end of the movie, the three douches get revenge by messing with the frat guys’ house. One of their pranks was to get their sprinkler system to go off, but instead of water, they hooked up the sprinkler system to beer. I don’t know why. It was just a blatant waste of beer, hence making me hate the douchebags more.

A Better Title Would Have Been: SuperBad 2: This Time Without Comedy

It's not the worst movie ever, and that's about the most positive thing I can say about this movie.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Gym Idiots - Part 3

Through my years of going to the gym, I have ran into people who are absolutely ridiculous in their actions when at the gym. I would like to touch on a dozen of these assholes in a three part series. Today, in the final part of the series, I will go over the most ridiculous people that I have seen in the gym.

Naked Guy – This appears to be a generational thing, but some old dudes just love to be naked. Why on God’s Earth must someone be naked to shave their face? That simply doesn’t make sense. I cannot even fathom the reasoning behind it. I can manage only be naked in the shower in the gym, why can others not manage this? You strip down, go to the shower, shower, then put a towel on. Is that difficult? Not for me, and unless I’m some sort of super athletic hulking of half-man, half-machine (unlikely, although possible), then others should be able to manage this simple task as well.

Guy Who Brings Video Camera So He Can Ask Someone To Videotape Him Squatting – I just ran into this guy, and I was absolutely shocked when I saw what was going on. The audacity it must take to have someone else record you lifting weight is so ridiculous that I could never even fathom it happening. It reaches new heights of douchebaggery. I will admit, he did have a lot of weight on the bar for his single squat (I overheard 765 lbs, which would make it eight plates on each side), but I really don’t understand what the end goal was with this attempt. The saddest part came at the end, as he breathed heavy, made as much of a scene of himself as possible, and when he went for it…oh wait, he pussed out and didn’t even attempt it. I can understand failure in that situation, but he never even lifted it. What a bitch.

No Shirt Guy – This is something that I thought only happened at Muscle Beach, but apparently people get confused when they hit the basement of the downtown Davenport YMCA. This just absolutely baffles me. I cannot put words together to describe how pathetic a person must be to do this in a weight room where ZERO girls work out.

Shadow Boxer/Flex Guy – Only the baddest motherfuckers on the planet go to the gym, so the question becomes, how do you differentiate yourself so you are seen as the biggest badass in the gym? It’s quite simple, just start flexing in front of the mirror to get those muscles popping. If that doesn’t do the trick, let everybody in the gym know that you know what to do with those flexed muscles and start shadow boxing in front of the mirror. I have no fight training, so I can’t say I’m an expert on anything relating to throwing a punch. However, I feel comfortable in the fact that I can spot somebody else who clearly has had no training. The key is to not fall for the simple bob & weave. If your bob & weave makes it look like you’re trying to do The Robot, you probably haven’t gone pro in your fighting career. The other thing I always see is that nothing ever comes from the lower body. Who needs power from their legs when they can flail those arms that just got done doing curls at their imaginary opponent. One time, I hope that one of the shadow boxers cannot avoid a punch from their imaginary opponent and gets knocked out or at least rocked a little bit. I will applaud them for their effort even if the imaginary man wins.

And that wraps up this series...until I see something else that is ridiculous in the gym that needs to be pointed out. I'm guessing it will be a matter of days. Downtown Y, Represent.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Gym Idiots - Part 2

Through my years of going to the gym, I have run into people who are absolutely ridiculous in their actions when at the gym. I would like to touch on a dozen of these assholes in a three part series. Today, I will focus on those that need to shut up. Also, for those people who consider their activities to be acceptable, you're wrong, but even I can admit to being guilty on one of the idiots brought up today.

The Talker – The Talker is the ultimate waster of time. He spends two hours in the gym, and finishes about 15 sets in those two hours. He likes to get a set in and then get the conversation going. I honestly don’t have a problem if somebody wants to be social as long as they keep their conversations to 15 seconds or less with me. What really bothers me is that they like to occupy machines for 20 minutes for their three sets on it. And if you ask them about whatever they are using, they are just about to do their next set, but they aren’t. It still takes a good two minutes for them to actually get going on whatever they are using. I can start and finish my set in 30 seconds, but they cannot possibly allow me to adjust the weight on the machine, because then they would have to take the time to remove a pin and reinsert it in another slot. So if you’re going to chat, at least free up the machine. I can’t get mad at you for wasting your own time, but it will definitely irritate me if you’re wasting mine.

How Much Do You Bench Guy – The most common of all these people. If you are worried about your bench press, then you should reevaluate your workout program. People who max out are strictly doing it to say that they lifted x amount of weight. It’s not helping you in any way, but it does obscure the fact that you don’t know what you are doing in the gym. Not only that, benching is not the ultimate sign of strength. It works chest and triceps, not exactly the holy grail of the anatomy’s muscular structure. I’ve literally done bench press one day since I was a Sophomore in high school, and I haven’t maxed out in anything since that same year. It’s a waste of time, and nobody who really works out would ask you your max out anyway.

Retarded Guy Who Gives Advice – I have little to complain about in this situation, because the guys who try to give me advice literally are retarded. They are mentally handicapped, so I’d just be a dick if I complained about them. One retard told me to throw my whole body into workouts, the other told me something about swimming, but luckily I have blocked out that memory. On both of these occasions, I smiled and completely ignored their advice. The big problem is when guys who aren’t retarded, but just giant douchebags try to get involved with workouts. Since I put on my mean face when I go to the gym, very few people talk to me, but the shitty advice I hear when working out makes me shudder in disgust. So many people in the gym have the highest opinion of themselves. 90% of these people don’t know shit, are in awful shape, and don’t realize it’s pathetic that these “masters of the weight room” can’t even do ten pushups. If you aren’t in better shape than the person you are talking to, you have no right to give advice. If you are in better shape than the person you are talking to, you have no right to give advice unless it is asked of you first. You’re not a workout guru, so stop getting in the way of other people in the gym.

Grunty McGee – I know the situation that people are in when they are at the gym going through their workout when they are disturbed by guy who needs to grunt loud enough for the entire gym to hear them. Unless you are pushing yourself so hard that you crap yourself doing your workout, you really have no reason to grunt that loud. But when grunting like that, at least the entire world can tell that you are lifting weights, congratulations; they probably could have figured that out without your help. This person is definitely a douche, and it saddens me to admit that I am sometimes this guy. The only defense that I have is that I always take a shit before working out, because if I didn’t, there is a great chance that I would crap myself while lifting.

That's it for now, but I will finish with the final four early next week to bring a climatic end to this series.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Quick Thought

Just a quick thought that I have noticed going to the YMCA. For some reason, when I go to the gym at 8:00 AM on Monday, every area is packed, but on Tuesday, there is between 0-3 other people there. Can people really be so lazy that they consider it a job well done after one day of working out but two days pushes them over that fine line of getting in shape and becoming a workout freak.

Today was lady’s day (a total of three), so that was fun. You know, because a lot of attractive girls like to go to dungeon like places to work out around people who both appear and smell homeless. Wait a second, no, they don’t. At least I didn’t lose my title of “Person I Would Most Like to Have Sex With at the YMCA.” I love me some me.

Gym Idiots - Part 1

Through my years of going to the gym, I have ran into people who are absolutely ridiculous in their actions when at the gym. I would like to touch on a dozen of these assholes in a three part series. Today, I will focus on those who fault on equipment and accessories.

Guy Who Takes Up Ten Machines – If you are going to use a bunch of machines (I use this term loosely as it can also relate to bench press or just about any workout equipment in general) in the gym, you need to let people work through, because the gym’s equipment is not your equipment, it’s everybody’s. If you want to take up a bunch of machines, get yourself a personal gym. I can understand using two machines at the same time as I do it quite frequently. If you are plowing through your workout and bouncing back and forth without taking breaks, then I don’t see anything wrong with being on a maximum of two machines. If you aren’t plowing through, then let people work through and nobody gets affected.

Guy Who Lurks To Steal Equipment – As I stated earlier, it is okay to take up two machines if you are plowing through, because I only take about 3-4 minutes to get through my three sets on two different things. Since nearly everyone takes anywhere from 5-10 minutes to get in three sets on one machine, there is nothing wrong with this. If you do want to work in with me, I really don’t have a problem with that either as long as you ask first, we’re cool. The guy who just waits for me to go to a different machine while I leave all of my stuff by the other machine so he can take over irritates me. He sees me on it, he sees a pile of stuff next to it, but he assumes that I won’t be needing that machine anymore. Really? Anytime you are suspicious that somebody else is using something you want to use, simply use common courtesy and ask the person. Some people are douchebags, but most people will let you work through. The douches are the problem with not having a home gym. It’s something you accept, and you do not let the minority of douches turn you into a douche as well.

Under Armour/Weight Gloves Guy – Who the fuck still wears weight gloves? Unless you’re a hand model, it is absolutely inexcusable to be that guy. You are the least harmless of all of these people, because you aren’t drawing attention to yourself, and you aren’t interfering with other people’s workouts, but grow up. Weight gloves are like scarves, it only makes sense for gay guys.

Under Armour guy is ridiculous. I have Under Armour, and the only times I wear it is when it is cold outside and I need to do an activity like running or playing football. It’s not cold in a gym, so why anybody would need Under Armour is beyond me. This fashion statement does not make you look cool, it just lets everybody know that you’re a douche.

Do The Dew Guy – The entire world knows that there are two truly extreme things in this world, Doritos and Mountain Dew. Although I’m disappointed I have yet to see anybody chomping on Doritos during their workout, I have definitely seen guys doing the Dew. I do not quite understand how you would want to something unhealthy while trying to do something healthy at the same time. I realize that alcohol is not healthy and yet I partake in drinking copious amounts of it, but I’m not pounding Nattys in between sets. It makes me sick to my stomach and I see multiple people drinking Dew while working out. Luckily, there are some health-conscious guys out there as they choose to go with Diet Mountain Dew.

Coming Up Next Time - Morons Who Do Too Much Talking

Monday, January 18, 2010

Much Love For The Needles

Steroids are a good thing. This is an undeniable truth. When taking them, you can gain strength and muscle mass without lifting a single weight. That is awesome. Combine them with an extensive workout program and people see astronomical results. Since it is such a powerful drug, it is great for people with terminal diseases to help slow down the process of their body dwindling away.

Most people will talk about the side effects of steroids without really knowing what they are talking about. Steroids are fairly safe as long as the user takes a prescribed amount. All the studies that show heart disease, liver damage, and shrinking testicles are based off excessive use of anabolic steroids. When taking a reasonable amount, people can get the benefits with very little risk. Now I do say very little, because all drugs have risks. People can die taking aspirin, shit happens when taking any drug.

The reason that this is being talked about so much is Mark McGwire coming clean and admitting steroid use during his career. I applaud him, not for confessing, but for taking steroids. This guy was willing to take a foreign substance just to help him stay in the game and perform at the highest level. There was no testing for it, and he was willing to take the risk to make himself and his team better. I hate the Cardinals, but his 70 home run season should count as well as Barry Bonds's 73.

A lot of people call it cheating. But cheating happens. You can't diminish somebody's accomplishments for simple cheating, because everybody cheats. If you aren't cheating, you aren't trying.

Performance Enhancing Drugs have run rampant in baseball for years, from greenies to cortisone shots, these are things that help players play and play at the highest level. Nobody gets blamed for having a little pick me up, and coritsone shots aren't going anywhere.

I wish the entire Cubs roster would have taken steroids if it would have gotten them a World Series. My boy Glenallen Hill did, and I love him even more for it. There is nothing that would taint a World Series victory for me.

Personally, I have absolutely no health concerns about steroids. The reason I don't use them is because they are illegal in the United States, but I certainly wouldn't shame anyone who did.

Also, if anybody wants to see an awesome documentary on Steroids, check out Bigger, Stronger, Faster.


P.S. Remember steroids are the only thing you can put in your butt without it being gay.


This blog is the result of me not having a job for 2 1/2 months. Some would say this is a bad thing, and they would be right. But it has given me a lot of time to write down stupid thoughts that will be shared on this blog as well as reading way too many articles on sports. Has it made me smarter? Probably not. Has it made me a better person? Definitely not. But that's the beauty of being a succubus upon society. I will be posting random thoughts, mostly about sports but I will also venture into real world topics (teen comedies, Jersey Shore, etc.). Basically this blog is to shame myself or future generations of Loncariches in case any of us get famous.

So be sure to check back often, and if anybody has a job in a warm weather area, feel free to offer it to me, I could use the money (Plus, at age 25, I feel like I'm ready to move out of my parents' house).