Tuesday, May 31, 2016

The Ultimate WWE Fantasy Draft

With Smackdown moving to a live show on Tuesdays, there are plenty of rumors about an upcoming brand split for the WWE. Instead of waiting for the WWE to pull off a disappointing draft routine, the ultimate tag team, Lukewarm Jonah and Hott Joe, came together this past week to have an old fashioned WWE Fantasy Draft. Our goal is to create the best possible roster to create a successful, moneymaking product.

Some things to know before we get started is that you draft guys for what they are likely to do in the future. The Rock is in this draft, but you don't get to draft him as a full-time wrestler, but he can be used 1-2 times a year to talk for a half hour and boost ratings. Another thing is that wrestlers automatically got their managers with them, so Miz comes with Maryse. Also, tag teams must be taken in pairs, and they must be taken with the first of your two back-to-back picks since we did a snake draft. For New Day, they would take up the person's next three picks, but they would stay together. And to create this list, we used the list of WWE personnel on Wikipedia, so our main roster included 118 picks. And that does not include NXT Superstars (Supplemental Draft) or Mr. McMahon, who is ominpresent for our purposes.

Since Jonah is a true gentleman, he offered me the first pick, and from there, we will have two picks each through the rest of the draft. Let's get it going with part one.

1. Joe selects Seth Rollins
Is this a homer pick? Well, I do share a hometown with Rollins, so you could say so, but he's the best pick to go with if you are creating a brand. He's shown he can be a top heel, and I think people forget how good he is in the ring, because he hasn't been held back from shining. The only thing that's held him back is that he actually wrestled like a heel so he held back from some of his most entertaining moves. There's nobody I'd feel more confident in leading my brand.

2-3. Jonah selects Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose
With Rollins gone, I went with the other two members of The Shield.  Sure Roman Reigns is getting booed into oblivion, but he’s already been in two Wrestlemania main events and just needs to be booked correctly, and I’m just the man to do it.  If you don’t believe me read the article I wrote about how to book Roman Reigns.  Dean Ambrose is super over.  He’s been putting on better matches recently, honestly he’s not my favorite guy but the crowd absolutely loves him, he cuts a great promo, and I feel his in ring work has really stepped up in recent months.  Plus these two fighting each other once Reigns turns heel is a Wrestlemania worthy main event.

4-5. Joe selects Cesaro and Sami Zayn
So Jonah took the other members of The Shield, which was fine by me. I'm not a Dean Ambrose guy, and the internet seems to hate Roman Reigns, so I went with a couple guys that the internet loves in Cesaro and Sami Zayn. Let's not forget that these two may have had the best match in NXT history with their 2-out-of-3 falls match. I actually had Cena and Cesaro ranked highest on my list, but I couldn't resist the chance to pair Cesaro and Zayn, which basically means that I'm going to have the best main events imaginable.

6-7. Jonah selects Kevin Owens and AJ Styles
Joe taking Cesaro and Sami Zayn hurt, but I just like Joe too much to steal Cesaro from him with one of my first two picks.  Zayn is awesome, but I would put Kevin Owens ahead of him.  The work he’s done is main event level.  I gave serious thought to picking Owens with one of my first two picks so I’m very happy to get him here.  AJ Styles is older, but still very fresh in the eyes of the WWE and they’ve already made him a main eventer.  Styles has already had amazing matches with Reigns and Owens, he can fight anyone, put on a fantastic match and the crowd will care.

8-9. Joe selects John Cena and Brock Lesnar with Paul Heyman
Needless to say, I was pretty happy to get the face that runs the place with the eighth pick in the draft. He probably should have been the first pick in the draft, but I'll gladly reap the benefits. There are so many John Cena haters that people forget that he is BY FAR the biggest star in the company and also puts on great matches when he is up against great wrestlers. To top it off with Brock Lesnar who I would watch wrestle anybody and I get the services of Paul Heyman makes it well worth it, even if Lesnar is only around about a third of the year. Just think about Lesnar vs. Cesaro or Sami Zayn, or a triple threat match, or a fatal fourway with Rollins. Oh man, I'm fantasy booking my fantasy wrestling team; this may be nerd overload.

10-11. Jonah selects Rusev with Lana and Randy Orton
Obviously both Cena and Lesnar were high on my radar.  I’m a little worried about Cena returning from this injury.  He’s getting up there in years, but if he was here I definitely would have taken him.  Same with Lesnar, but I went with year round top performers over the great Lesnar.  Anyways, Rusev is awesome.  The guy is one of the most entertaining promos in the company, he looks like he could kill you, and he puts on good matches.  He should already be in the main event and he will pair nicely with all the other talented, entertaining guys I have on my roster.  Lana is a nice plus, she’s shown athleticism in the ring, and was super over before they turned her American then back to Russian.  Randy Orton is a well known veteran.  He’s pretty solid in the ring, and it’s good to have a veteran presence on the roster.  Really he’s been presented as Cena’s equal and rival for a decade.

12-13. Joe selects Charlotte and Sasha Banks
This is where having back-to-back picks can either set you up or absolutely kill you. I took the top two women's wrestlers and instantly made my division dominant over his, no matter what he is able to acquire from here on out. I, like the rest of the internet, love Sasha Banks, and Charlotte is an absolute freak. I knew I was setting up Jonah for his next pick, but I felt like locking down women's wrestling was worth the risk of being Booty.

14-16. Jonah selects The New Day
I was sad that Joe took Charlotte and Sasha, or really, just Sasha.  Here’s the thing about the New Day though, Big E is a future world champion.  Great look, tons of charisma, great matches, it’s pretty simple.  Kofi has been solid for a decade, and Xavier Woods went from being absolutely nothing to being part of the best group going today.  He’s still plenty young and can go in the ring, I’ll book him a new, cooler looking finisher and he’ll be good to go for years.

17-18. Joe selects Dolph Ziggler and Alberto Del Rio
It's really tough to argue with anybody in the top 16 picks. They're the biggest stars in the company. I selected Dolph Ziggler, who could be higher and could be much lower, but it's Dolph Ziggler, and even though it's been a little more miss than hit lately, he has the potential to rising back up. Also, Ziggler/Lesnar sounds like an incredibly fun match to me (Note: Lesnar/Insert Wrestler Human Here always sounds great to me). After that, I went with Alberto Del Rio, mostly because I remember how totally awesome Alberto El Patron was, so I know what kind of incredible potential he has.

19. Jonah selects The Miz with Maryse
I am a big fan of Dolph, and have a “Saving Dolph Ziggler” booking article working, but he just didn’t fall to me.  The Miz is really underrated.  I’m not sure how he’s been able to do it, but he’s been a main eventer, mid carder, and jobber, and really he does them all well.  He’s a veteran who can work with anyone and actually put on decent matches.

20-21. Joe selects Enzo and Big Cass
Enzo is the type of guy that could go into a monastery and get the monks to cheer for him. You can't teach that.

22-23. Jonah selects Bray Wyatt and Sheamus
The previous pick was the realest pick in the room.  I waited a little longer on Bray Wyatt than I normally would have knowing that Joe doesn’t like him.  The Wyatt family was about to destroy the League of Nations before Wyatt’s injury and it was the first time anyone made any noise during a League of Nations segment.  Wyatt is a guy I genuinely believe will be a main eventer, just needs a little bit of a gimmick change.  Whoops sorry Sheamus don’t read that sentence about how much the League of Nations suck.  Sheamus is still a multiple time world champion, including as recently as just a few months ago.   He’s a big brawler, should be a good heel, but for some reason generates no heat.  My booking team will fix that.

24-25. Joe selects Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson
So far, Gallows and Anderson have been fairly pedestrian. They didn't get the best feud as they are more of a sideshow than a main attraction. Still, there is no better bad guy tag team to have around, so at best, you can run them as champions, and at worse, they are enforcers who just come in and kick ass.

26-27. Jonah selects Kalisto and Becky Lynch
Kalisto should be the new Rey Mysterio.  Instead they’ve been having him wrestler super boring matches against big guys.  I’ll have him fight guys who can keep up with him and sell millions of Kalisto masks to kids.  Becky Lynch is as good as Charlotte.  There I said it.  I know Charlotte’s the champ, but Sasha is the cream of the women’s division in the WWE now, and Charlotte and Becky Lynch are 2A and 2B.  Lynch is as good in the ring as Charlotte, and it may just be me but I’d rather listen to Lynch’s accent then Charlotte shout random words during a promo.

28-29. Joe selects Apollo Crews and Neville
It was at this point where I realized how stupid deep WWE's roster is. I know they have some injuries, but how are they struggling to fill three hours with this many great wrestlers? I'm not totally sure what they are doing with Apollo Crews, but I think that there is no wrestler who would benefit more from a brand split. Hopefully they continue his feud with Sheamus, as even in a loss, it could help elevate him. Neville is basically a better Kalisto without the mask; people forget that. Had he not gotten hurt, he could have truly elevated things in the Ladder Match at WrestleMania, but he could be a ton of fun against just about anybody on my roster.

30-31. Jonah selects Chris Jericho and Paige
Jericho really went later than he should have.  His work since he’s come back is his best in years and if you don’t believe that then you’re a stupid idiot.  He’s still very good in the ring, he’s always been great on the mic, and he can host the Highlight Reel.  He’s back to put wrestlers over, but he’s still a recognized threat.  Pairing someone lower on the totem pole with him will elevate them even if Jericho wins to keep his threat.  Paige is awesome and has been buried for some reason.  She’s in her early 20s, and is still one of the top women’s wrestlers in the company.  Grabbing Paige after Lynch is my way of making sure my women’s division is legitimate.

32-33.  Joe selects Luke Harper and Triple H
Luke Harper = Great Wrestler; that's all you need to know. Triple H will probably be around as a wrestler for two months, but he can benefit everything by throwing his weight as an authority figure behind a younger wrestler.

34-35. Jonah selects Baron Corbin and Titus O'Neil
I was disappointed that Joe took Luke Harper.  Harper really should be the WWE’s new monster.  He’s like the old monsters except better in the ring.  Since Joe took Harper I needed to take Baron Corbin as my new monster.  Guy hates indy wrestlers, small wrestlers, whoever.  He’s got a bright future ahead and I love his entitled gimmick.  Titus O’ Neil is probably a bit of a shock, but I like what he does in the ring even though it’s not overly complicated.  His bark is entertaining to the crowd and he provides incredible PR.  You’re looking at the Celebrity Dad of the Year and he’s on my roster.

36-37. Joe selects Big Show and The Rock
These are my spectacle picks. Big Show is the largest athlete out there, and you can always use that to legitimize guys by temporarily turning him into a monster. I also drafted The Rock, because even though he is probably only showing up 1-2 times a year to cut a 30 minute promo, it will boost my ratings and brand appeal.

38-39. Jonah selects Kane and Braun Strowman
Joe took the Big Show, so I felt I had to strike back with Kane.  I’ll be honest, I’d book him both as the monster Kane and as Corporate Kane.  Two faces of Jacobs is almost as good as three faces of Foley.  He’s a veteran, has absolutely no problem losing to anyone, and was a very entertaining backstage figure.  Strowman is raw.  He needs time to develop.  However his size, strength, and intensity are a great base.  By keeping him with Wyatt for a bit, Strowman should be able to actually develop into another new monster.

That's all for part one, we'll be back with part two tomorrow.

Monday, May 30, 2016

The 10 Best Things In The WWE: May 2016

Since it's Memorial Day, we're going minimal for the May WWE Rankings. Just list it out so everybody can get back to their BBQ.

10. New Day
9. Dana Brooke
8. Enzo and Big Cass
7. Seth Rollins
6. Roman Reigns
5. AJ Styles
4. The Miz
3. Kevin Owens
2. Sami Zayn
1. Cesaro

I put approximately 45 seconds of thinking into these rankings, so they are undeniable.

Thursday, May 26, 2016

Cauliflower Ear Is the Only Tattoo I Need

I'm not a big tattoo guy, which is another way of saying that I have zero tattoos. Now I have no real issue with tattoos, as people are free to decorate/design their body as they see fit, but for me personally, I have just never had anything I wanted to have on my body for the rest of my life. Like, there's no way I'm going to get something involving my wife. I love her more than anything and we're great, but shit can change, you know? I mean, I will forever be a fan of the Iowa Hawkeyes, but what if they have a big rape scandal like Penn State? Do I really want to have to explain that every time I pop my shirt off? The answer is no, I don't. And then there's the greatest tattoo ever.
It simply doesn't get better than a full back tattoo of the grim reaper snuggling a little baby with a German phrase, "God is with us" above it. Yes, totally badass, but maybe a little much for a guy who is only 5'9" and 150 pounds.

So I live my life without any ink on my body. Luckily, there is another option for me to mutilate myself in order to show my individuality, and that mutilation is the Cauliflower Ear. Growing up, cauliflower ear was seen as a gross thing that you should do everything you could to avoid. So, I did that, as I always wore my headgear in wrestling and kept my ears in pristine condition.

In my mid-20s, I went down to Jackson-Winkeljohn to learn the wonderful world of mixed martial arts. This was a grind, and one day after a hard practice, I noticed that my left ear was swollen. I checked it out in a mirror and realized that it was about twice the size of my other ear. Since I was still a single guy, I decided I would start wearing headgear again while grappling, because I needed to stay pretty if I was going to find myself a wife.

Fast forward five years later, with a wife and a dog, I found myself scratching that MMA itch again, and since I didn't need to be pretty, I left the headgear in my gym bag and just got after it. Lo and behold, the cauliflower ear came back and is here to stay. Now, it's not quite the doubling effect that I had at my worst, but if you look at my right and left ears, you can tell that the left ear is noticeably swollen.

This is my tattoo, and it's really grown on me. It's subtle enough that you'd have to really be looking for it to notice, but when people do notice, I get instant credibility that I am not a man to be trifled with, and thank god, because I seriously do not want to be trifled with. But my left ear that is cauliflowered is my tattoo, and I'm cool with that being permanent. It's not something you ask for; it's something that you earn. It's not just a tattoo; it's a badge of honor. I weirdly love my cauliflower ear.

And again, please don't trifle with me; I'm not tough, and I'm way too old to be getting in fights, so I'm really counting on the appearance of this ear to protect me.

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Breaking Down the Chicago Bears Fourth Round Pick: West Virginia Linebacker - Nick Kwiatkoski

The NFL Draft has come and gone, and it appears that the Bears have a plan in place. Did I agree with that plan at every twist and turn? No, not really, but I also really enjoyed some of their moves so it all balances out. And they were active, and that definitely made for an exciting weekend. But what's done is done. The picks I like will obviously work out, and hopefully my genius fails me on the picks that I didn't like. So far, I have had the chance to break down:

First Round Pick: Leonard Floyd, Linebacker, Georgia
Second Round Pick: Cody Whitehair, Offensive Guard, Kansas State
Third Round Pick: Jonathan Bullard, Defensive Lineman, Florida

Today, we look at the Bears first fourth round pick, Nick Kwiatkoski, a linebacker out of West Virginia. Now with the Bears first three picks, it was plenty easy to find game tape to watch enough film to make strong evaluations. That changes in the fourth round, as Draft Breakdown only had one game of film to watch (which I should mention is still amazing that I can even get one ten-minute film of an entire game's worth of plays), so I'll be checking out his game against Kansas State to see what type of player the Bears were able to acquire.

Inside linebacker is an instinctual position without a whole lot of flash to it. It fills a role, but it's rarely a big play position. It's consistency that is the key. A worry may be how he performs in coverage, as he got caught looking into the backfield instead of sticking with the tight end on this play.
I mean, the bad news is obvious. He lost track of his man and gave up a 20-yard reception. The good news is that when he jammed him off the line of scrimmage, he pushed the tight end about five yards outside, so nice pop from Kwiatkoski.

Kwiatkoski did have three interceptions on the year, but it was not because of excellent coverage skills. He caught one off of a deflection, one when he jumped near the line of scrimmage and the quarterback just didn't throw the ball high enough, with his final one being the most impressive as he was sitting in zone coverage and made a nice break on the ball.

And that was about the only play that stood out in the least bit against Kansas State. It was definitely not his best game of the season, as there was virtually nothing to go off of on the film. So I decided to consult the highlight video to see if I could find out anything more about Kwiatkoski.

That power showed up again on run plays as he showed that he can fill a hole and stop a running back from getting any forward momentum with this hit.
That is a great job by him to explode through the tackle and wrap up to finish the job.

His athletic numbers are not only solid, but that is what you would expect from a fourth round pick, unless that fourth rounder was VERY raw. Kwiatkoski is not going to win with athleticism, he'll do it with instincts, which seems to be the case for just about every successful middle linebacker.

Even after the highlight video, it was tough to get too excited, but that's not Kwiatkoski's game. He's going to fill a role. The guy doesn't have exciting potential, but he's also not likely to kill you. He can be a solid middle linebacker. I know that's not sexy, but considering what the Bears were forced to trot out last year, depth was needed, even with their free agent signings. He'll start off as a backup inside linebacker, and he seems like a guy who can step up as a starter if needed. 

Monday, May 23, 2016

Let's Break Down Dude Love's Entrance Video

Dude Love is most remembered as Mick Foley's most forgettable persona (although Mick Foley considers his run as Commissioner as his favorite persona, but I'm just going to focus on the big three for this). He didn't make the early impact of Cactus Jack and Mankind is one of the top five characters from the Attitude Era. Still, I wouldn't discount the impact of Dude Love, as he was the first "Reality Era" character. Jim Ross's interview with Mankind where he revealed that he always dreamed of being more like Shawn Michaels resonated with fans so much that his Dude Love dream became an entire alter ego and made him more popular no matter which character Mick Foley was portraying.

But I'm not here to focus on all of that; let's just keep it simple today and focus on Dude Love's entrance video because it is awesome, and I enjoy awesome things.

Let's start off with that song. That is one happy song. Now I'm not necessarily saying it's a good song, but it is tough to have a frown on your face with this song playing. That puts me in a good mood to watch this video. But Dude Love manages to do a lot of traveling to far away lands to show that he's the coolest cat in the land. Let's try to tag along on this epic journey.

First off, Dude is having an epic time as a mime while on a late night prowl.
Why is this man trapped in a box? I don't know, but he looks like he's having a blast. Also, the moon is jumping around in the background. Does this have something to do with the control of the invisible box that Dude is partying in? Yes, the moon controls the tides, so I believe it has to be closely related to invisible mime boxes.

But trapped in an invisible box is nothing when you can dance inside of a lamp.
And that ain't no regular lamp. That right there is a bonafide lava lamp. It's the ultimate in cool hippy decor, and Dude even got himself a fancy hate to celebrate as he rolls along in a life of lava.

It can get pretty hot being in that lava, so it only makes sense to cool off.
Dude went from lava to swimming with the fishies, and as you can tell, he can't believe his eyes. I mean that's the definition of guy who sees a hot babe at the beach, but Dude is totally pulling it off. Also, that fish looks high.

This video is slightly insane, but Dude actually finds a way to take it to another level...literally.
Dude Love can fly. Instead of focusing on the beautiful sunset, he'd just like to say hi to you. This is incredibly dangerous, because Dude is clearly still learning how to fly. His arms rock back and forth to give him balance, and immediately after waving to everyone, he starts to plummet back to the Earth. I guess if he could plummet from the skies, jumping off Hell in a Cell had to be a breeze.

Here's a disturbing Dude Love gif to haunt your nightmares.
Did I say haunt your nightmares? I meant consume your dreams. Your wet dreams. Hey-o!

They only spliced together about 25 seconds of clips for this video, and then just put them on repeat, but man, did they pack a lot into those 25 seconds. I mean, they put in not one but two flying scenes. The budget of this thing must have been through the roof.
Fly away, Dude. Fly into the land where you can live in lava lamps, hang with the fishies, and live your dream as the sexy beast that we all know and love. Godspeed, Dude Love.

Thursday, May 19, 2016

The Next Big NXT Superstars

NXT is an amazing place. It's grown in popularity a tremendous amount, but it's still not that popular when compared to WWE's main roster shows. Still, everyone who has given NXT a chance prefers it over WWE, because they put on consistently compelling shows, and their special events are always off the chain. With that, NXT has evolved into something different. They've found success in taking stars from other places and transitioning them into immediate stars in NXT. Don't get me wrong, Kevin Owens, Samoa Joe, and Shinsuke Nakamura are all admittedly awesome, but I kind of miss the days of WWE slowly building up new superstars. Luckily, there is some serious promise on the way.

With NXT traveling around the world, the house shows that I go to in Florida occasionally lack the top notch talent that everyone knows. At first, it is a bit of a bummer, but there are still a few wrestlers who truly stand out (and Tye Dillinger is there, so that always helps) and make it easy to see their potential. That's why I'm going to give you the inside scoop on the next big superstars in the WWE. I'm pretty sure none of these wrestlers have been on TV, but all of them are super awesome. And since I am a man of equality, I found a women's, men's, and tag team wrestlers that are about to break out in a big way.

Adrienne Reese
Since I'm a gentleman, I'll go ladies first. Reese is a spit-fire who is solid all around in the ring. I've gotten to watch three matches with her. She was good in one and great in two others. The most recent one against Peyton Royce was the best I had seen from either one. Her in-ring work is there, and she seems to be progressing in her in-ring charisma. But what is really going to make her a star is her finish. I mean, the Stone Cold Stunner was sweet, but Reese jumps off the top rope, and does a flip into a Stunner. It is totally sweet, and people are going to freak out about how awesome she is. Get on the bandwagon now.

Mikey Nicholls and Shane Haste
These Australians made a name for themselves in Japan as TMDK (The Mighty Don't Kneel), and although I had heard about them, I had never actually seen any of their matches before seeing them at a couple NXT house shows. They're awesome, as Nicholls is one of the most charismatic performers I have seen. He's complimented by his tag team partner who is also very good in the ring. Both matches I have seen had Nicholls being the primary wrestler, so I have only seen a limited amount of Haste. But they're a very entertaining team, and they wrestle with personalities, as opposed to wrestling, with personality thrown in between moves. It makes a huge difference. And they even passed my wife's test as they instantly became her favorite tag team after one match. The only issue they are going to have is being white guys, because that means they will get USA chants anytime they face off against a foreign tag team, despite also being a foreign tag team, and yes, I did see this happen already.

Manny Andrade
Although he hasn't gotten the hype of some other WWE signings, Andrade has torn it up internationally as La Sombra, and it's clear that he has everything necessary to succeed in the ring. I've seen Andrade in two singles matches, and they are two of the best matches I have seen at any NXT house show. In the match I saw last week, Andrade took on Tye Dillinger in the main event, and they tore it up. It was a super fun back-and-forth match where there were a ton of near finishes because both guys just kept doing awesome things. It ended with Dillinger getting a rollup with handful of tights for the win, but both guys got a standing ovation at the end of the night. The other match was the best NXT house show I have ever seen against Sami Zayn, and you can read about that one here. My only real concern with him is that they are dressing him up with no shirt, suspenders, and a goofy hat which makes him look like a bad guy, but he wrestles best as a babyface. The guy has everything you need in the ring, so learning English is the only thing that will slow him down from becoming a huge superstar.

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Breaking Down the Chicago Bears Third Round Pick: Florida Defensive Lineman - Jonathan Bullard

The NFL Draft has come and gone, and it appears that the Bears have a plan in place. Did I agree with that plan at every twist and turn? No, not really, but I also really enjoyed some of their moves so it all balances out. And they were active, and that definitely made for an exciting weekend. But what's done is done. The picks I like will obviously work out, and hopefully my genius fails me on the picks that I didn't like. So far, I have had the chance to break down:

First Round Pick: Leonard Floyd, Linebacker, Georgia
Second Round Pick: Cody Whitehair, Offensive Guard, Kansas State

Today we break things down with the Bears third round pick, Florida defensive lineman, Jonathan Bullard. I think this was the most universally loved pick that the Bears had in the draft as Bullard arguably had first round talent, so to snag him in the middle of the third was excellent potential value for the Bears. He's also one of the most athletically gifted talents in the defensive line as shown by his SPARQ score, and he showed at the combine that he is explosive in every conceivable way. I decided to see if the hype was real by checking out his games against Alabama, Tennessee, and Ole Miss.

When watching film of the guy, you can tell that he has a motor and can make plays all over the field. Not only will he be an asset against the run game, but he has the skills to provide pressure from the inside and outside as Florida moved him inside and outside to best take advantage of his abilities.

It was weird, because early on in the Tennessee game, he wasn't very impressive. My optimistic viewpoint was that maybe he was just given trouble with all the misdirection that they run in their offense, but he really wasn't doing much of anything. He got absolutely washed out of a run play that turned into a 20-yard gain for the Volunteers. Starting with these plays, he decided to dominate everything in his path.

On this play, he completely blows up the line and immediately forces the runner to the outside where he is met with a bevvy of Florida defenders and the play goes absolutely nowhere. I obviously cut this play short, because good god, that is some impressive burst.

A couple plays later, on third and short, he more more than made up for his earlier struggles.
Bullard goes right across the guard's face whose only job is to not let Bullard do that and meets Jalen Hurd in the backfield before he can get the first down.

As you can see, Bullard is absolutely explosive off the snap, and there may be no better example of that as he causes havoc against opposing offenses.
Uh...yeah. That's not fair.

Just steamrolling a center on his way to the quarterback.
Yo 75, if 90 is coming, through, clear the damn way.

As for the Alabama game, there weren't many highlights as Bullard was mostly contained. When he went up against the right side of the offensive line, he was able to get penetration consistently, but that C-LG-LT trifecta is the truth for the Tide. The Center was drafted in the middle of the first round which is about as high as any Center is ever taken. The LT is projected to be a top-10 pick, and honestly, the LG (who committed to Iowa before flipping to Bama) simply doesn't mess up. Bullard fought valiantly, but he wasn't nearly as effective as he had shown in other games. Even with that, it's not like Bama had their way moving him around, but they were able to slow down the penetration and minimize his impact.

As you can probably tell, I am a huge Bullard fan. Florida was able to move him all over the line, and he was able to cause havoc no matter where he was. Using him as a 3-4 end on first and second before putting him inside to rush the passer on third downs will be a great use of his versatility. Honestly, had I seen him blowing up plays like this in the Mountain West or Sun Belt, I would have been pretty excited, but considering he was doing it against the SEC has me in a euphoric state of glee right now.

Bullard is going to be a beast for the Bears. Get pumped.

Monday, May 16, 2016

Steel Panther Is The Only Concert You Need To See

I'm not a big concert guy. Outside of a deal at the fair in my hometown where you can go to six concerts for $40, I'm not sure if I've been to more than a handful of concerts, and two of those concerts were Weird Al and Wesley Willis. So, yeah, I'm not a concert guy. There's not many concerts that I would even want to see, but at the top of that list was Steel Panther, and good god, it was amazing.

First off, I guess I should let you know who Steel Panther is. They're the greatest rock group ever. In their simplest form, they are an 80s Hair Metal Band, just in present time. And you know how every 80s hair metal song was about sex, but they used innuendos? Steel Panther does the opposite in that they explain sex in the most gratuitous way possible. Seriously, one of their cleanest songs is called, "It Won't Suck Itself," because it's about getting bit by a snake and needing help getting the venom out. There are only two types of people in this world, people who have never heard of Steel Panther, and people who absolutely love Steel Panther. If you're not already, become a part of the latter group today.

Now I must admit that I am not somebody who gets excited in anticipation of things happening. Like, I'm heading to a wedding this weekend where my wife and I will see old friends, and it should be a good time. To my wife's disappointment, I can never say I'm excited by this. I know it'll be a good time, but the good time isn't here yet, and it's not something that I am building up in my head due to anticipation. I'm not filled with anticipation, so I don't get excited about these future events.

Steel Panther was the opposite of that.

Two weeks before the concert, I would just start thinking about it. I would be at work, listening to the songs and mouthing some of the dirtiest shit imaginable about gangbangs, Asians, and something that happens in adult films that rhymes with Moo Hockey, and I could feel it in my core, that excitement building. When we got to the week out mark, and I only listened to Steel Panther, I could not wipe the smile off my face. I knew Steel Panther would rock, and I was going to rock with them. There was no way it wouldn't be totally sweet.

Spoiler alert: It was totally sweet.

We got the opportunity to see Steel Panther at an ourdoor venue in downtown St. Petersburg on basically a perfect night with the night temperatures just dipping into the 70s. The venue was perfect for us as it was outdoors and probably had room for 1000 people. Beyonce played at Raymond James Stadium the night before, and I guarantee that her concert wasn't half the experience that Steel Panther provided.

Some dude opened up with his band and played for about a half hour. Finally, he said, "Alright, we got one more song (looks to his right)...wait, no more songs? Alright, we're done. Thank you, St. Petersburg!" The lesson is that you don't tell Steel Panther when you're done. They tell you when you're done.

After some set up, Steel Panther came on stage, and instantly rocked my ass off. They opened with "Eyes of a Panther," and it was on from there. Obviously, with songs like "Party Like Tomorrow Is The End of the World," "Death to All But Metal," and "Community Property," the show was obviously going to rock harder than anything that anyone could ever imagine, but they didn't just rely on how awesome their songs were. They put on a damn show.

For "Asian Hooker," they brought up an Asian girl and had choreography in the performance. For "Girl From Oklahoma," they brought up a random fan to serenade, and for "17 Girls in a Row," they brought up a bunch of girls and encouraged everyone to flash the audience (although only a few took them up on that offer).

And they took some breaks between songs to just have some fun banter. Now, explaining the banter would not be funny, as it was all sophomoric humor at best, but I was still laughing my face off at every goofy one liner. That's the thing with Steel Panther, you're there for a good time. You already like the guys in the band, so you'll find everything they say more charming and witty than you would a random stranger. It's the same way that priests get laughs at church. A priest has never said anything funny in the history of organized religion, but they always get those laughs from the congregation, because the congregation wants to like them. Steel Panther is like that, only like 100 billion times more awesome.

Steel Panther rocks harder than any band that has ever rocked. They make Guns N' Roses look like Winger. On top of this, they are ultimate showmen who entertain just as hard as they rock. I know what you're thinking, and I don't know how they're not the most popular band in the world either. But seriously, take advantage while you can see them with hundreds of like-minded people, because it is the only concert that you need to see.

Thursday, May 12, 2016

Do University of Phoenix Students Have Brains?

I'm not sure about you, but lately, I have been accosted about a University of Phoenix commercial that proposes that University of Phoenix students are ideal job candidates because of their online educational background. It has a very annoying song about having a brain in it, as it states that no matter what they have been through, they have brains, but, despite their best efforts, I do not feel that these people have done anything to show any bit of intelligence. In fact, I would like to rank the worst people to hire in this commercial, and trust me, it's quite a battle.

11. Life's short, talk is cheap
Okay, not sure why this guy is going to the University of Phoenix. He appears to wear suits and have his own office, so that's a pretty good sign that he's doing alright. He is wasting time at work studying for his online classes. The only logical conclusion is that this is a Kramer situation where he is just showing up to work instead of actually having a job there. He's probably able to use the internet for his assignments, so that's good hustle at least.

10. You can try to do it faster, I was born a multi-tasker
This is actually a surprise twist. The multi-tasker is not the mother who is breastfeeding and reading through Rob Gronkowski erotic fiction. It's the baby, as he is eating and getting to second base. Hey-o! Give that baby a job.

9. Got three kids, I never rest.
Okay, I really have no real beef with this lady. She's riding the bus and trying to do homework. This actually seems like a situation where an online university makes sense. Although one minor beef is that this looks like a bus with no seats.

8. Don't you want that kind of brain?
Most nondescript person in this commercial. She might be cousins with Snoop from The Wire. That's all I got.

7. I was raised against the grain
How in the hell did the University of Phoenix contact a hobo to get an online degree? This man is used to riding the rails. He's a damn vagabond. The man already has a degree in survival, I'm not sure how much his associate's is really going to help him. It also probably won't matter after he murders and eats the guy sleeping on his shoulder.

6. I'll be working while you sleep
So, people try to talk about farming being this podunk low-paying, salt of the earth occupation, but there's a lot of farmers making good money. And yeah, they wake up early, but the equipment basically drives itself. I mean, just look at the guy above. He's reading a book while taking care of his land. This is a man who was clearly tricked by the vulture sales team at University of Phoenix (I used to work at a for-profit college, and the bad stories about them tricking people into signing up are 100% true). This guy doesn't even need a job; he's just throwing money away getting a degree.

5. So my kids don't have to forage, got two jobs to pay the mortgage.
Okay, that is a lady who is not a stable parent. She has unruly children, and she is about to lose her shit. I mean, look at those eyes. This is not a woman who should be adding any more stress to her life. On top of this, she bought a house that was beyond her financial means and needs two jobs to pay the mortgage. That is very poor planning. Even if she gets an education, her instability is a liability, and that makes her a bad hire.

4. Still don't think I have a brain?
Oh god, she's been possessed by the devil. There is no brain activity going on in that head of hers, only the works of the devil. All employers stay away.

3. I took two bullets to the chest
Okay, like I at least get what they're trying to get across with the other people in this commercial, but this guy? How is that an appealing characteristic? Random people don't get shot all that much, and I think we all know that this guy got shot by his own child because he failed to put the safety on his gun. The really sad thing is that the child did it on two separate occasions, as the guy didn't even learn after the first bullet to the chest. I thought for sure this guy would win, so it is mind-boggling that he only made it to the third dumbest person on this list. Also, why are you boxing shirtless by yourself? Put on a damn shirt you goon.

2. You think a resume's enough? We'll step up when things get tough.
This is probably the most disturbing scene of the commercial. This man is carrying his mother in a frantic situation. I'm pretty sure the building is on fire. Instead of taking her out, he carries her deep into the building to sit her in a wheelchair in the middle of an empty room. He then leaves, and gives that haunting sigh that says, "Yes, this was the right decision." I do not want to hire that person. I don't want that person to get a degree. This is a monster. Fear this man.

1. A degree is a degree. You're gonna want someone like me. But only if you have a brain.
And somehow this is still a worse person. This woman is just straight up awful for what she does to this poor guy. He just wants to go home. They give you warnings at the library to state that it's going to be closing soon, so she knew not to get deep into anything. But does she care? No. in fact, she doesn't even give the common courtesy to look at this guy who has been working and just wants to go home and see his kids before they go to bed. Letting your mother burn is one thing, but this lady has gone too far. She doesn't have a brain. Hell, she doesn't even have a heart.

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Breaking Down the Chicago Bears Second Round Pick: Kansas State OG - Cody Whitehair

This was one of the most well-received picks by the Bears as many saw Whitehair as a first round talent, and they were able to get him near the end of the second round. I checked out his games against Baylor, Arkansas, and Oklahoma to see what all the hype was about, well, as much hype as a guard can get at least.

Well, the first thing that should probably be mentioned is that although he is projected as a Guard, he played Left Tackle in college. This is something I love to see, especially as an Iowa fan who has seen left tackles like Brandon Scherff and Marshall Yanda make a seamless transition to becoming dominant guards in the NFL. But you put your best offensive lineman at left tackle most of the time, and Whitehair proved to be just that for Kansas State.

If there is one word that I would want to describe my offensive lineman (outside of obvious ones like excellent, All-Pro, or Hall of Famer), I would go with nasty. I like a guy with a little bit of a mean streak, and I saw that Whitehair plays through the whistle and takes his shots when he's tangled with someone. None of it was dirty, but it was hard-nosed, which is essential as grit is necessary as his skin color means that he was not blessed with athleticism.

Well, except for the fact that he is kind of a physical freak when it comes to his combine numbers. He put up elite numbers in the 40, the short shuttle, the ten yard dash, the broad jump, and the three cone drill. The only thing to really worry about is his short arm length which is not as important for a guy on the inside as it is for somebody out at tackle. I know I'm not allowed to say this about a white guy, but this dude is a hell of an athlete.

Kansas State pulled their tackles a little bit which gave an idea how Whitehair would move in space. I wasn't overly impressed in how he generated momentum in his blocks. His feet moved well, but I still didn't see much explosiveness when making contact with the defender. This was a little odd, but as a tackle, there weren't a ton of opportunities to make any long-term conclusions.

It was clear that once Whitehair got his hands on somebody, he locked onto them and they weren't getting away.

The only real negative that I saw is that he occasionally got high up during his blocks and would get bent backwards. He was still able to use his strength and flexibility to keep his guy off the quarterback, but it's especially important that he stays low when he moves to the inside.

Whitehair's most interesting performance was probably his game against Baylor as they have a lot of very talented linemen. One of those linemen was Shawn Oakman who likely would have been a day two pick had he not been accused of domestic abuse. At one point, it looked like Whitehair knew of the allegation, as he absolutely abused Oakman on this play.

And just a couple plays later, what Whitehair did to Oakman should definitely not be legal.
In fact, it isn't legal, as Whitehair did get called for the penalty, but that is still phenomenal work of completely punking somebody out. Obviously, the snapdown is great, getting on top of him after is wonderful, but I most loved that he lifted the left leg to put extra weight on Oakman to dole out the maximum punishment.

Here's the thing with Whitehair. Outside of him being on a mission to punish Oakman, there weren't a lot of plays where he popped off the screen. But on the other side of that coin, he rarely seemed to lose his one-on-one battles. He just finds a way to hang in there no matter what in the passing game, and he simply does his job when it comes to the running game. Here's the thing about interior offensive linemen. You can find some great ones late in the draft, but at the same time, the guys who are highly thought of almost always work out for the team that drafted them. Whitehair is probably a top-25 talent at a position that is very undervalued, but as long as you focus on the former, there is no way to be anything but happy about what the Bears did with this pick. 

Monday, May 9, 2016

Ahmed Johnson: What Is There To Say?

Ahmed Johnson was my jam as a child. I was a big fan of muscular dudes, and especially liked guys with face paint or minorities. Had Great Muta been more muscular, he probably would have been my favorite wrestler of all time. But Ahmed Johnson still fit nicely within that niche.

Because of that, in my draft folder, I have had a post with Ahmed Johnson's name on it and not much else. I know there is something to be said about Ahmed Johnson, but I'm not exactly sure what I should be focusing on.

I could focus on his physique as he was a giant black man, and he was incredibly over during his WWE career. Every time the dude showed up, people got jacked up about his presence. He really didn't do much outside of being big and strong, but that was enough. He seemed destined for stardom based strictly on aesthetic appeal, but it never came together.

I guess I could talk about why it didn't come together. Ah yes, injuries. This is a guy who was always pushed pretty hard; he never seemed to take clean losses, but it only got him as far as the Intercontinental Title, which he had to relinquish immediately because he got injured. Ahmed Johnson had an athletic build, but he never really looked athletic. Everything seemed strained, and despite the million dollar exterior, the interior never held up to get him that World Title push.

I could talk about his time in the Nation of Domination, but it is literally the most forgettable thing out there. It could have been a really important thing of African American performers banding together as they felt the establishment was holding them down, but they didn't push Farooq into the title and things kind of had to go in a different direction. They turned on Ahmed Johnson, and Ahmed went right back to fighting against the Nation of Domination like he didn't just say they made some good points a few weeks earlier. But don't worry about the Nation; they ended up finding a rather charismatic superstar to replace Ahmed Johnson (Hint: he has the same last name).

I could talk about his run in WCW as Big T, but I think we should forget everything that led Booker T to become Booker to become GI Bro. 

I could talk about his promos, but what can you really say about this?

See, there's nothing to really say about that. And, here's another promo:

Okay, you got me. I have some thoughts on this. There is simply no way to listen to this promo and not think that Stone Cold Steve Austin sexually assaulted Ahmed Johnson. I mean, Ahmed gets mad at Stone Cold for entering the zone, which he later clarifies as his zone, and then he further clarifies that it is an end zone. He then FURTHER clarifies that an end zone is a place where you score and admitted that Stone Cold Steve Austin scored on him. He then warns that he is going to score on Stone Cold, and that Austin should look out, because he's coming to get him. Um, I mean, what do you say to that?

I've got nothing to say about Ahmed Johnson.

Thursday, May 5, 2016

The 5 Worst Things About The First Episode of The OC

My wife and I are rewatching The OC together, because I enjoy her company, and it's good to have a show to watch as we fall asleep at 10:00 PM (double digits means it's time to get to sleep). Anyway, we just started, and man, The OC is really bad. It makes ZERO sense, in every way, shape, and form. But that's also what kind of makes it wonderful. Still, there were a few things that I needed to address as they are too stupid to be excusable. Here are the five worst things about the first episode.

5. Luke Is Not Subtle
Luke tries to hook up with a girl at a party that not only is his girlfriend present, but it's a party for her. He couldn't be more blatant about it. He grabbed her in the middle of the party and took her out to the beach, showing no wit, charm, or guile. And HE GOT AWAY WITH IT. Luke was the dogshit worst at the beginning of this show, but he turned into by far my favorite character, so I'm just going to chalk this up to a baller-ass Luke move. I can't hate this. Let's try again.

5b. Ryan Is Awful At Crime
The first episode starts with Ryan's brother stealing a car, and Ryan being apprehensive about getting in. He slows down everything and is just hanging outside the car as his brother tells him to hurry up and get in. Finally, he sees a cop car and decides, "Yep, NOW is the time I should get in the car." That is literally the worst time to hop in a stolen car. So he hops in the car and they run into a lightpole trying to avoid the cops.

4. Ryan Is The Worst
Let's review what Ryan does in the first episode. He hops in a stolen car when he sees police officers driving by which shows that he is a stupid criminal. Despite having the charm of a dead moth, Sandy Cohen takes him in to his house. Ryan immediately starts smoking cigarettes at the end of the driveway. Then the Cohens invite him to a fancy party, and this idiot immediately starts sneaking alcohol. What a dumbass. This guy could not behave for an hour straight, and still, he gets adopted by a super rich family because he was nice to Seth. They totally should have just adopted a black kid instead. Sandy could have gotten all the drama of bringing in an outsider with none of the drama, as that child couldn't have been any worse than Ryan. The only logical explanation is that Seth is racist and refused to have a black friend, but that kind of seems true of everyone from Newport Beach.

3. Summer Is The Worst Friend
Summer and some random girl dropped Marissa off at her house. Marissa was passed out, so they just left her on the front stoop. That is not a good friend. Like, Summer could have just let Marissa pass out at her house. Also, hot take here: In the first episode, Marissa is hotter than Summer. She's got the girl next door thing perfected. Now, don't get me wrong, Summer probably passed her by episode three, and neither of them could hold a candle to my girl, Taylor Townsend.

2. Luke's Beatdown
Ryan sucker punches Luke, which wasn't even a big enough event to make it on how awful of a person Ryan is, and Luke then beats him up, but the only good shot he got in was a kick to the gut. If Luke would have just smashed his face in, things probably would have worked out better for every single person on this show except for Ryan and maybe Seth. That is a sacrifice I think all of Newport would be willing to make.

1. Seth Drinks Beer
Seth goes to his first party, and he decides to hang out by the keg and drink beer. There is NO WAY Seth would drink beer. He would be treating himself to the fruitiest cocktails, and he would either make them way too stiff and make an ass out of himself or he would make them with the tiniest amount of alcohol and pretend to be drunk. Either way it'd be an embarrassment and not involve any Natural Light.

Also, I could probably do this with every episode of The OC, but I can't put the world through that. I'm like six episodes in, and Jimmy Cooper lost $4 million, Sandy starts playing video games, Kirsten got demoted, Marissa and Luke broke up like six times and apparently lose their virginity to each other, Ryan burned down a house, Grandpa Caleb's 23 year-old girlfriend tries to have sex with Ryan...oh, and Luke gets shot. That is what I could come up with during one minute of thinking. I doubt it's half of the ridiculous shit that took place.

God bless this awful show.

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Breaking Down the Chicago Bears First Round Pick: Georgia LB - Leonard Floyd

The NFL Draft has come and gone, and it appears that the Bears have a plan in place. Did I agree with that plan at every twist and turn? No, not really, but I also really enjoyed some of their moves so it all balances out. And they were active, and that definitely made for an exciting weekend. But what's done is done. The picks I like will obviously work out, and hopefully my genius fails me on the picks that I didn't like. But let's break things down, starting with the Bears first round pick, Leonard Floyd, an outside linebacker (kind of) out of Georgia.

So, let me just be up front and say that this pick did not excite me when I first heard it. Grabbing an edge rusher who only manged 4.5 sacks seems like a pretty big gamble, especially when they traded up to do it. On the positive side, his athleticism is definitely there as he tested very well at the combine. I don't like to put a ton of stock in the combine, but I also think it's silly to ignore it. This was one of the most polarizing picks of the first round, so I took a look at his games against Auburn, Alabama, and Missouri to see if there was some hidden breakout potential, or if the Bears were just desperate to see something that wasn't actually there.

The first word that jumps out to describe him is long. 6'6" is really damn tall, and it shows up before his first play. But with that length, you can also tells how skinny he is. 244 sounds big, but on that sort of frame, he could definitely use some more bulk.

Once I started watching plays, it was pretty shocking how often he not only didn't rush the passer, but how often they had him lined up way away from the action to cover a slot receiver. That'd be fine if he was an asset in coverage, but he wasn't that good in coverage. At that point, the alarms are going off, because if he's not that good in coverage, but he's worthy of a top-10 pick as an edge rusher, you'd think the Georgia coaching staff would be, you know, smart enough to use him as an edge rusher. I mean, yeah, Mark Richt did get fired, but he also got hired by somebody else, so he can't possibly be that stupid. It seems the Bears are relying on the fact that Richt may be the worst coach in America, and that doesn't sound like the best plan to me.

I'm not going to dwell long on how he did against the run, as it usually wasn't pretty, and there was one play where Derrick Henry literally bowled right over him. Sadly, against Alabama, that was one of his more notable plays because it was one of the few times where he made any impact at all. Here's another chance for Floyd to square off with Henry.
Uh, yeah, that is not ideal. The Bears aren't getting him for his run stopping abilities, so I'd rather focus on where the Bears want him to win than where even the optimistic Bears expect him to struggle.

So, as for when he did pass rush, the issue that I had heard is that guys were able to lock onto him once they got their hands on him. And that definitely seemed to be the case against Alabama.
Here he is rushing against the right tackle, and once the tackle gets his hands on him, he looks absolutely helpless to break free.

Even the times where he successfully rushed the quarterback didn't inspire much confidence that this is a beast just waiting to bust out of his cage.
I mean, it shows nice hustle, and yes, you can give credit to his threat of speed for the tackle trying to drop that far back, but it's nothing that will work on a consistent basis.

One thing that I saw show up a few times was that Floyd did a really great job of exploding off the snap, to the point where I thought he was offside, but it was just really good anticipation on his part. It might lead to an occasional offsides call, but you like to see that sort of aggressiveness.

I had watched a lot of Leonard Floyd in a very short period of time. Honestly, it got pretty boring. It was so much ho-hum bullshit that I was losing interest. But my patience paid off with a "Holy shit" moment against Missouri.
Finally, I could see what the Bears saw. That is a sick ass spin move.

And since he is an athletic freak, all it takes is a simple speed rush to pair that up with...
And you start thinking maybe. Maybe this guy could be the double digit sack rusher that the team needs.

Although I can recognize that the potential exists, I'm still not sold. I feel like his age is a huge factor in prognosticating his potential. Floyd is going to be 24 before the first game of the season. I'm not against older prospects, but I am against older prospects that you expect to still blossom into something special.

I think it's pretty clear that I don't love the pick. Can you convince yourself that there's something there? Definitely, but asking for an older prospect to finally turn those tools into consistent production is not a gamble I would want to take with the ninth overall pick in the draft. The good news is that I feel a whole lot better about how the Bears followed up their first round pick, but we'll get to that in a couple days.

Sunday, May 1, 2016

The 10 Best Things In The WWE: April 2016

As the old saying goes, April showers bring May Flowers. In the WWE, the saying goes, April Shaners bring May Kaners. That's right, Shane O'Mac is going to bring back Kane to keep him in power for April. Did I come up with this opening very late at night while needing to get some sleep? You betcha, but April had WrestleMania, and the most debuts ever. It's been crazy, and this will definitely be the most competitive month that we have had in 2016.

Honorable Mention: Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson, The Vaudevillains, The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Stardust, Apollo Crews, Charlotte, Becky Lynch, Sasha Banks, and New Day. Yeah, this month was so stacked that I couldn't include The New Day. That's insane, but it was partially helped by them taking the month off. Now onto the top 10.

10. Zack Ryder (Last Month: Uh, was he even employed?)
Let us never forget his Intercontinental Title reign. It was a great moment. Scott Hall held his belt, and we learned that Ryder overcame cancer as a child. Zack Ryder is great. Woo Woo Woo, You Know It!

9. Shane McMahon (Last Month: 10)
He went through a dang table. Yeah, the rest of his match was garbage. But still, that table spot made me ill to my stomach watching him on top of the cage. That's good work right there.

8. Baron Corbin (Last Month: Feuding with midgets)
It was always just a matter of time for Baron Corbin, as the guy really started to get it once he became a heel, and he was already blessed with a frame that the WWE loves. He made an impact with his debut, winning the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal. Now he's feuding with Dolph Ziggler which is just about the best possible feud for both guys. It doesn't matter who wins, because both guys will look good for being involved in it.

7. The Miz (Last Month: Bring back Mizdow)
So we have the most stacked month of WWE greatness, and still, The Miz makes the list? Yes, and deservedly so as The Miz has quietly been kind of excellent lately. His in-ring stuff is only solid, but they're accentuating what he does well. In a ladder match, he can pop up for short periods, hit a big spot and disappear for a while, and now he just does talking where he tricks poor Zack Ryder to take the title and is a total shitheel which is perfect as everyone wants to see Cesaro annihilate him from this Earth. On top of that, Maryse is a great addition for The Miz, as him having his wife accompany him is somehow an awful heel move when done by Miz. Just a great month for him.

6. Chris Jericho (Last Month: 6) 
Bad Jericho is back, which is great for business. Let's face it, Jericho was always best as a heel, and lately, he hasn't really found a good niche as a good guy or bad guy. But he's finally found that niche as a heel who hates guys who were beloved on the independents, and it looks like he's having a lot of fun with it, so it's been fun for everybody. Jericho is still putting on great matches, and his character work has been great lately. He'll probably be gone soon, so take a moment to enjoy how great of a professional wrestler Chris Jericho is.

5. AJ Styles (Last Month: 7)
Styles has quickly adjusted to the WWE style, and he might even win a World Title in a couple days. He keeps putting on fun matches, and he has the whole crowd behind him. Is he great at speaking? No, but he doesn't have to be to still be great.

4. Cesaro (Last Month: Probably saving the world with his freakish strength)
Cesaro is another guy who doesn't have to be great at speaking to still be great, but pairing him with The Miz is a really good call. Cesaro could wrestle a broomstick and get a great match out of it, so that's never an issue, but since The Miz is such a nerd, it's easy for Cesaro to play the cool guy. Suitsaro is a character I can definitely get fully behind (almost as great as US Champion Cesaro who loved the USA but hated Americans). But Cesaro's the greatest. He should never lose, ever, and we should enjoy every day that we get to share the Earth with him.

Oh, and how awful was it that the day before Cesaro debuted his ripaway suit, The Rock ripped away his clothes to reveal his wrestling gear underneath? Damnit, Rock, you somehow unintentionally buried someone almost as well as you intentionally do it.

3. Kevin Owens (Last Month: 1)
Kevin Owens continues to be great. He was a central part of that incredible ladder match at Mania, and he has continued to be great with every interaction he has. Finally, he gets to face Sami Zayn, and, well...let's just get to the next guy.

2. Sami Zayn (Last Month: 8)
I have made no efforts to hide my love for Sami Zayn. He's wonderful, and it's great to see him on the main roster. He has fought back to take on his arch nemesis, so this is finally time for his revenge. So we all know what's going to happen? Yeah, Sami is losing. He has to lose; that's what Sami Zayn does. He makes us care and loses, and somehow we never stop caring, because, man, do we want the best for Sami. He's put on nothing but fun matches since he got moved up, and that's not going to stop anytime soon.

1. Enzo and Cass (Last Month: Realest guys in the room, now realest guys in largest room)
Enzo has been the hottest of fire on the microphone since getting promoted. They could not have done any better with any second of the opportunity that they have been given. They didn't even wrestle on the biggest card of the year this month, and they still take the top spot, and I must say that it has a lot to do with Enzo having maybe the best one-liner of the last decade, "We're like A cups, because we're real, whether you like us or not." I don't even have the words to describe how perfect that line is. Bless you, Enzo and Cass. You are the realest guys in the room.

How you doin.