Thursday, April 28, 2016

2016 NFL Draft: Most Underrated Prospects

I've been busy with a variety of things lately, so I haven't produced any NFL draft related content, but I figured I should get something out before the first round happens tonight. I have some hot takes, as there are a lot of guys that I feel are greatly underrated in this draft. I will go position-by-position to show who are the most underrated prospects in the 2016 NFL Draft.

Quarterback: Cardale Jones
Had Cardale Jones come out last year after three games as a starting quarterback (and a National Title), he would have likely been a first round pick. He then proceeded to go undefeated as a starter this past season as well. Yes, he got benched because J.T. Barrett fits the scheme better, but it's not like he was having any monumental struggles, and he was never really given the opportunity to make adjustments. It seems like most people see three quarterbacks in the first round. Is there any reason Cardale Jones shouldn't be the fourth QB off the board? I mean, couldn't Cardale done at least as well as Paxton Lynch in Memphis? And, come to think of it, would North Dakota State lost anything by having Jones instead of Carson Wentz? I sure don't think so. All quarterbacks are risks, but Jones has the type of talent that makes that risk worth it.

Honorable mention to his total opposite, Vernon Adams Jr. who is small, quick, and super accurate on his throws. The guy just makes plays, and after a slow start at Oregon, he really put it together and was one of the best quarterbacks in college football by the end of the season. I know he's small, but he's worth taking a flyer on in the seventh round.

Running Back: Keith Marshall
Let's remember something about Keith Marshall. During his freshman year, there was no real difference seen between him and Todd Gurley. Now he has struggled with injuries since then and never really got things going, but his athleticism is still there, and I think he just needed an extra year to fully recover from his injuries. Although he's a different style back, he reminds me of Frank Gore as a guy who couldn't stay healthy in college, but if he does stay healthy in the pros, he's going to be one hell of a late round pick for somebody.

Honorable mention to Jordan Howard who runs through contact better than just about any back in this class. He absolutely crushed Iowa, which was sad for me but also super impressive to watch. He's big, fast, and strong. Indiana played to those strengths, so I'm not sure about the vision, but he has all of the physical tools to be successful.

Extra honorable mention to Daniel Lasco who was the best running back at the Shrine Game. I honestly didn't see much from him outside of that exhibition, but that has to count for something.

Wide Receiver: Tyler Boyd
Tyler Boyd just makes plays. He finds ways to get open, and he knows how to catch the football. Let's not make this any more complicated than it has to be. Boyd will be a good pro.

Honorable mention to Corey Coleman who is a damn freak. 
Yeah, I want that guy.

Tight End: Henry Krieger-Coble
Is this a homer pick? Hell yeah. Will it be my last? Hell no. Also, HKC had a nice ability to get open and he has good hands. He's not the most athletic guy, but I think he offers enough to be a solid #2 tight end.

Offensive Tackle: Joe Haeg
He played with Carson Wentz. I figure he must have done a good job of protecting him.

Offensive Guard: Jordan Walsh
He was really good for Iowa last year. This isn't just a homer pick. He could be a quality starter.

Center: Austin Blythe
Yes, just about everything that could go right did for Iowa so I have a soft spot for, like, everyone. Still, this is the type of guy that I like. He's undersized, which is worrisome with the rise of nose tackles, but he consistently played well against everybody that stepped in front of him, and although size may be a concern, he's worth taking a chance on.

Defensive End: Drew Ott
Okay, so not everything went well for Iowa, but let's not forget how great Drew Ott was before he got injured. This dude massacred Iowa's offensive line to the point where I thought Iowa would be garbage this year, and Kirk Ferentz could no longer turn under-recruited players into absolute studs. He's the best player Iowa has in this draft class, and he's going to make a team very happy. The dude eats raw eggs and offensive linemen for fun. He gonna get after it.

Defensive Tackle: Javon Hargrave
Hargrave was another guy who impressed at the Shrine Game, and I think he's going to be one of the standouts from a small school that surprises people.

Linebacker: Joe Schobert
Joe Schobert is one of those guys that just makes plays. He's not the most athletically gifted, but he makes up for it with his instincts. It's probably going to be stupid how far he falls, and he's going to make teams feel stupid when he has a 10-year career as a starting linebacker.

Honorable mention to Scooby Wright III who basically does the same stuff as Schobert. Like he had Heisman hype coming into this past season. People forget that. I didn't. Scooby has the skills to solve any offensive mystery.

And another honorable mention to Jaylon Smith. I'm not sure how toast that knee is, although some have compared his injuries to Marcus Lattimore which is...not ideal. Still, how far can you let a talent like this drop? I mean, he was seen at worst as a top-10 pick and maybe worthy of being in the top-5. If he's there in the third round, I'd have a really hard time passing on him when the guy has that much upside.

Final honorable mention to Eric Striker, because Oklahoma linebackers try to play the game like The Ultimate Warrior, so I ain't messing with that.

Cornerback: Kendall Fuller
An injury is the only reason he really fell. He was seen as the best cornerback in his family, and his brother was drafted in the middle of the first round. I mean, yeah, as a Bears fan, I am aware that the pick hasn't quite turned out all that well, but corners mature later than most other positions, so it's certainly not hopeless. Had he not gotten hurt, he would have easily been a first round pick, yet I haven't seen anybody with him higher than mid-second. Hell, if Kyle had only been a second round pick, Bears fans probably wouldn't be nearly as worried about him, so getting the more talented Fuller at that point should be a steal.

Honorable mention to Zack Sanchez who made a bunch of plays early on in 2014 and got on everyone's radar, and then fell off that radar. I mean, he was never as great as the hype, but he's also not not talented.

Safety: Karl Joseph
Karl Joseph gets interceptions and hits people hard enough for their grandma to be in pain. Karl Joseph is awesome, and I am super bummed that he is getting a lot of late hype and won't be there for the Bears in the second round. Love Karl Joseph, but more importantly, fear Karl Joseph.

Honorable mention to Jordan Lomax, because he's a Hawkeye, and I gots to represent. I mean, he could be a special teams player, maybe, possibly...sort of?

Kicker: Marshall Koehn
Koehn is able. I mean, even if he isn't a great kicker, that sort of marketing slogan is enough to justify using a pick on him. If teams could expand rosters to like 75 and have a kicker who specialized in 50+ yard field goals, he would have a great future in the NFL. Anything inside of that, and uh, it goes down quickly, although he may fare better with the longer distance extra points than he did with the super close college ones. Still, Koehn is able.

And that wraps things up. The draft starts tonight. I can't wait to see how the Bears screw it up.

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

At Home with David Schultz

David Schultz may be the greatest wrestler that you have never heard of. Now, I must admit I have probably barely seen him wrestle in my life, but this man was a GOD when it came to promos. He's probably best known for slapping the shit out of John Stossel when Stossel said that wrestling was fake. His best moment was probably this interview he did on Hulk Hogan, which is probably my favorite promo in wrestling history.

If I were Gawker, I would definitely present this video as evidence that Hulk may have wanted his sex tape to come out to prove to David Schultz that he has been with a woman.

But I'm not here to focus on that today. I want to look into the everyday "Dr. D" David Schultz. Luckily, back in 1984, the WWE got to spend a day with Schultz and get a look at what his life is like at home. The results were predictably amazing.

It's one of the most amazing pieces I have ever seen. Like, we know Dr. D David Schultz is a character, but he's probably not that far from David Schultz the man. His home life is exactly what you would expect his home life to look like, starting with his children.
Yo, Dr. D, your kids don't look alike. I mean, I'm not sayin, I'm just sayin. I feel like the ginger with the dead eyes is probably yours. Red shirt, well, he kind of looks like a young Mean Gene Okerlund.

I can't say it's too surprising, as his wife nearly accuses him of lying in front of the cameras, and then has the nerve to interrupt him during his interview.
It is impossible to side-eye anybody harder than Dr. D just side-eyed his wife. At least dinner is done, and I'm sure the kitchen is spotle...oh no.
"What is this? The city dump?" is something I would love to say to my wife when I see a mess in the house, but then she would probably proceed to hit me and make me start doing more cleaning. Schultz knew how to keep his lady in check; I'm just happy my lady keeps me around.

Maybe the most amazing part of this video is that the dinner on the table is some fried chicken, like three pieces of pizza, and a bottle of A-1 Sauce. Nobody is eating fried chicken or pizza on their plates. Instead, they're all just eating plain white bread. It's so wonderful.

After he realizes that his family is a bunch of ass clowns, Schultz kicks the camera crew out of his house so he can go about his day.
Never change, Dr. D. 

Monday, April 25, 2016

Fantasy Booking the WWE World Heavyweight Championship

In my neverending quest to be employed by the WWE, I have come up with a new plan.  Not a lot of people know that Vince Russo started out his career by fantasy booking for the WWE under the name Vic Venom.  While I lack the racism and non-sensical writing style of Vince Russo, I feel I can provide well thought out stories that actually accomplish things like getting wrestlers over.  With that in mind I present my fantasy booking to be presented as a job application to the WWE.

I'm going to start it off with a bang and fantasy book the World Title scene.  The WWE needs this advice, I sincerely hope they take it.

I actually had to rewrite this a bit, but the main points remain the same.  Reigns continues to act like a tweener while people boo the hell out of him.  At Payback he and Styles fight a hard fought match where towards the end there’s a ref bump, Styles accidently catches the ref with a boot while hitting the Phenomenal Forearm.   Styles has him pinned but there’s no ref to count.  Styles tries to get the ref up then Reigns hits a superman punch.  All three men are down when Anderson and Gallows come out.  The crowd is going crazy assuming they’re going to attack Reigns and make Styles the champ.  Instead, they pick up Styles and hit him with the Boot of Doom.  They slide out, Reigns makes the cover and retains.  He gives Anderson and Gallows a confused look, then smiles.  All three men beat down Styles after the match and pose as the show goes off the air.

On RAW the next night, Reigns comes out with Gallows and Anderson and cuts a heel promo about how the crowd didn’t like him, so he went out and got two of their favorites from Japan, so how do you like him now?.  He goes full crazy and calls the group the New Shield.  Reigns then calls out Ambrose.  He says Ambrose is his brother and he wants him in the New Shield.  Ambrose says he still loves Reigns but he can’t support what he did, he can’t join his group.  The New Shield brutally beatdown Ambrose and hit him with a triple powerbomb.  Styles comes out to make the save and is beatdown too.  This sets up the next few months of main event program with Ambrose trying to take down Reigns, but eventually falling to the numbers game, even with Styles help.  Styles also gets his chances but suffers the same fate as Ambrose.

After a few months, Reigns is in the ring doing a heel celebration with his New Shield.  Ambrose comes out on the ramp with Styles and challenges Reigns to a multiman tag team match where if their team wins, they get a Fatal Four Way Match for the title in Hell in A Cell.  Reigns cockily responds that it doesn’t matter who Styles and Reigns find in the back, no one can hang with the three of them.  Cue the hard hitting guitar and out comes Seth Rollins.  They go down and clear the ring.  The crowd goes nuts.  When the match happens, Rollins is the equalizer that Ambrose and Styles have been looking for and Reigns is pinned after a curbstomp.  This sets up the main event at Summerslam, a Fatal 4 way for the WWE Title inside Hell in A Cell.

Reigns is entrenched as a heel who is actually over, meaning that his eventual face turn will be actually well received.  It gives him a reason to turn heel which the WWE has needed for months, but they couldn’t exactly have him join the Authority since they were fighting each other.  It gets Ambrose in the main event where he belongs judging by the crowd’s reaction to him and keeps AJ Styles in the main event where he should be for the rest of his career.  Anderson and Gallows are also elevated as a clearly dangerous tag team that should be near or on top of the division for years to come.  Seth Rollins gets to make his triumphant return where he will clearly get a huge face reaction and you have a huge main event for Summerslam to push buys of the network.

I had written this before Anderson and Gallows had been interacting with Styles.  If I had complete control, there would have been no mention of the three and their history before Payback, making their appearance more of a surprise and more of a big moment.  Now it seems that Anderson and Gallows will almost definitely be involved in the match in some form, but you can still follow the story the rest of the way and make sure that everyone involved is elevated.

Thursday, April 21, 2016

Macho Man Randy Savage Is The Greatest: Volume 3 - The SpokesMan

Macho Man is great. Maybe the greatest. In fact, if you don't have Macho Man as one of the five greatest of all time, all of your opinions about pro wrestling are invalid. He was a master in the ring, he was a master with promos, and he was even a master commentator and spokesperson. In fact, although it was not critically acclaimed, I can still listen to and enjoy his rap album. But people know the highlights of his career, instead, I want to celebrate the less famous moments and bring light to these accomplishments, as they are just as impressive as the highlights.

Today, I want to focus on Macho Man as a Macho spokesMan, who would make you Randy for any Savage product that he decided to endorse. Now, everyone is aware of his work with Slim Jim where his intensity made you want to SNAP INTO THAT BEEFY JUICY TASTE. But Macho also had a softer side.

In a world where our heroes constantly disappoint, Macho Man was there to assure us that everything would turn out just fine. Now, I must warn you: Before watching this commercial, you may want to get some tissues, because it's about to get real dusty up in here.

The emotion in this commercial is raw. A child walks alone on a baseball diamond, and...wait, hold up a second. Let's take a look at that jersey.
Yep, that is a "Sport 93" jersey right there. They never fully show the front of the jersey, but I'm nearly positive it just says "Baseball." That has to be the most generic jersey in the history of commercials. So Little Billy Sport, playing for the "Baseball" team is coming out to throw the rawhide around.

Unfortunately, little Billy is met with this sign:
You see, this commercial was made in 1994, during Major League Baseball's strike, and if the pros are on strike, that means little league must follow its lead as part of the MLBPA union and cancel their games as well. Back to the jersey for a second, why is it number 93? The only thing that I can come up with is somebody else used this generic jersey a year earlier, and the WWE decided they could save a few bucks if they didn't get an updated one. I admire that level of frugality.

There is only one man that can save this dire situation, and I think we all know who that is.
OOOOOH YEAH! I mean, just look at that long, majesctic mane that he is sporting. This is a man of pure inspiration.

Macho Man throws some balls for Billy Sport to hit, because baseball should never die. Finally the child turns to Macho Man.

Billy: Do you guys ever go on strike? 
Macho Man: No way, never!

And that, my friends is the beauty of pro wrestling. That was the beauty of the Macho Man.

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

The Greatest Post That Never Was

I have a draft in my folder that has no title, but it contains a quote that I overheard. That's the only thing I really know, because I faintly remember hearing it, and I put quotations around it. I put in no context, so I have no idea where I heard it, or who the person who said it was, although I suspect that she was a female. It's a magical quote, so I'd still like to do my best to salvage what happened here and share it with the world. Without further adieu:

He was a sweet boy, but I need some mayonnaise. I'm a hot grandma.

Where do you go from here? "He was a sweet boy," seems like a friendly way to start any sentence. I have been called a sweet boy before, and it was endearing.

But then things take an ominous turn. "But I need some mayonnaise." I shutter every time I read that sentence. It could mean a variety of things, like maybe the boy liked sweets, hence he was a sweet boy, while her snacks included the use of mayonnaise, but we all know that's not it. We all know that this is sexual, and still mayonnaise could mean a variety of things. you could go with the obvious and say that mayonnaise is a euphemism for ejaculate, but I'm not totally on board with that. Instead, I think she's saying that this sweet boy was all stroke but no poke.

What really brings things together is that final sentence, "I'm a hot grandma." This is where I wish I had more notes. Was she a hot grandma? I don't know. But I do know that hot grandmas need some mayonnaise, and sweet boys just can't give it to them.

Unfortunately, that's all I know. You've heard of people turning coal into diamonds. Well, I did the opposite, I had a true diamond of a quote, but I let it sit, and it turned into a lump of coal. My only goal is that I salvaged this enough to be a cubic zirconia; it may not be a diamond, but it can fool the untrained eye.

Monday, April 18, 2016

A Comprehensive Breakdown of the nWo's Parody of the Four Horsemen - My Spot

The nWo was influential for many reasons. They were bad guys that got cheered. They were self-aware wrestlers which was not a thing back then. And they also created impersonations of other wrestlers. Now I'm not talking about the Fake Sting impersonation where they try to pass it off as real, but impersonations where everybody knows that they are fakes and are mocking their rivals. As the saying goes, "You always remember your first time," and the first time the nWo mocked another group will always stand out as the best, as they did an impeccable job of mocking The Four Horsemen. Let's get to the actors involved:

Every great comedy bit needs a straight man, Mean Gene Okerlund plays himself as the straight man.
He is essential in this role, as it would be easy to be fooled by the nWo impersonators who look so much like their Four Horsemen counterparts. Also, they actually got Mongo to play himself, so that added credibility to everything.
Look closer. Do you see it? I tricked you. That is actually Konnan playing the role of Steve "Mongo" McMichael. The resemblance is uncanny. I mean, he's even got a football, but trust me, that is not a former Super Bowl Champion, it's a Mexican Gangster who wants you toss his salad and peel his potatoes.

Next up, we have Syxx playing the role of Ric Flair.
He nailed the hair, but keeping the goatee is a dead giveaway that this is not The Nature Boy. Still, he was kind of ahead of his time in his impersonation, as he "Woos" every other word, which became a signature of 60-year-old senile Flair.

Playing the role of Curt Hennig is Buff Bagwell, who I have deemed Buff Perfect.
He's got a ponytail (not seen but trust me, it's there), a towel, and gum, so yeah, I'd say he nailed it.

And finally, there is Arn Anderson, played by Kevin Nash.
Nash really commits to the role with a bald cap and balding wig, a pillow under his shirt, and a cooler full of beer to truly embody what Arn Anderson had become. He commits to the role, and that deserves credit.

But this entire skit depends on the "spot." It is the word that ties everything together, and Buff Perfect gets to that point very early on.

Syxx Flair didn't mean to put him on the spot, and there was no way that wouldn't remind Buff of his dog spot. This is only the slow build for what is coming later.

They then bring out Arn Nash, and he tells them the beer is on ice. There is nothing more important to a Horsemen than cold beer, and Syxx Flair reacts appropriately.
Arn Nash then makes a failed joke about labor before going into his accomplishments as a wrestler.

I laugh at the carpentry skills line every time. Then Nash got back into the real issues he is having, and how he lost the feeling in his left hand, the importance, of course, being that the left hand was the hand he used to open beer. A Horseman who can't drink is a Horseman who can't party, and that really means he isn't a Horseman at all.

Arn Nash then starts talking about fat broads, which to 13-year-old me was hilarious, but looking back, does not quite hit the same notes it did. So thanks a lot maturity and respect for all people, you've made me a better person but made things from my childhood less funny.

They get back to their comedic wheelhouse and close it by talking about spots.

"Not a liver spot, not your dog spot, and not anybody else's spot, but MY spot." After watching this nearly 20 years later, my list of the best things about this have changed from my 13-year-old perspective. Here are the top three things.

3. Everything involving the word spot.
Some jokes never get old, and I still enjoy this. I mean, yeah, I understand Arn Anderson's spot is important, but if they have to give out specific spots, that means that somebody took Paul Roma's spot. That person was definitely Mongo but still.

2. It would be an honor.
After Nash goes through his big diatribe about a spot, Buff Perfect tells them how terrible the Four Horsemen are, and then gives an over the top, "It would be an honor." I wish that this moment was more relevant as I would use it to respond to any request that somebody gave me.

1. Konnan as Mongo
There is nothing more perfect than this.
nWo 4 Life.

Thursday, April 14, 2016

Folkstyle Is Better Than Freestyle Wrestling

The US Olympic Trials were held this past weekend, where men's and women's freestyle and Greco were decided on who would represent the US in the Olympics (if the US qualifies, as only half of the weight classes had been qualified so far). There were some absolutely incredible matches, and it was a ton of fun to watch. However, there were also some frustrating matches where when the match was over, you didn't really feel like the better wrestler won the match. That is the biggest issue I have with freestyle, and it's why my preference is still folkstyle (the type of wrestling you see in college (and basically all levels before that as well)).

My biggest issue with freestyle is exposing the shoulders to the mat. If you expose an opponent's shoulders to the mat, even if they are nowhere near those shoulders being pinned, you get two points. I get very frustrated when I see a guy go for a takedown, and the opponent reaches through his crotch, flips him upside down for a second and gets two points while the guy who initiated the action is still looking to score off that move. And yes, maybe it is extra frustrating because this is how every American loses in international competition.

But I see wrestling as the physical domination of your opponent. The ultimate goal is to pin your opponent's shoulders to the mat, and I really don't think anything that does not get you closer to that goal should be rewarded. Nobody gets pinned off of a leg lace, but Jordan Burroughs scored 8 points in about two seconds doing that to win his Olympic spot against Andrew Howe. And here's the thing, it was fun to watch, but I just feel that the points awarded far outweigh what Burroughs was actually accomplishing.

There are issues with folkstyle wrestling. Mat work can be incredibly boring, and I scream at my television anytime I see a top guy throw in a leg, the bottom guy stands up, and the ref just resets the guy to stay on the bottom with no stall call. But I still see the essence of dominating your opponent leads to victory. There are some exceptions where the guy with the takedown loses, but it's pretty rare, and the NCAA is making steps towards preventing that.

And maybe this is all just because I’m bitter about Brent Metcalf losing. He gave up two points when he shot in for a takedown, and basically did a one man gator roll to escape from a bad position. Molinaro had good defense, but he didn’t initiate any real action. Still, he got two points for a back exposure and won the 3-3 match on criteria. Now I’m not going to count out Metcalf for the 2020 Olympics, but I think this was his best shot to make it (well, 2012 actually may have been better). Zain Retherford has shown massive improvement over the last couple years, and giving him four more years, two of which he will completely be focused on freestyle make him the early favorite at that weight (Stieber would be an ideal guy at 61 kg, but that’s unfortunately no longer an Olympic weight, but hopefully they bring it back). Metcalf will go down as one of the greatest American wrestler to never make an Olympic team.

What were we talking about again?

Oh, yeah, folkstyle and freestyle. My big issue with freestyle is that you can beat an opponent without trying to pin their shoulders to the mat. Just turning a guy is more flash than substance (and I 100% understand that it is incredibly difficult to turn someone who does not want to be turned). And I’m even down for an exposure on a takedown attempt getting an extra two points, because it takes away a huge defensive maneuver for the guy being taken down, so it does lead to more action on the feet. And since turns are impressive, I’d rather just see a turn getting an extra two points, and then you stand them back up instead of racking up points off of the turns. I’d love folkstyle to look into the same thing to help with their issues of boring matches where guys just rack up riding time.

Overall, I just want to see the best wrestler win in an action-packed match. Both freestyle and folkstyle are great. I’ll admit that freestyle has more action, but folkstyle does a better job of proving who is the better wrestler, and that’s why I still prefer it to the Olympic style.

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Please Pay Me To Go To Las Vegas Clubs

I read an article in GQ last week about celebrities getting paid to show up at clubs. I use the term celebrity very loosely as the article focused on a Kardashian dude that isn't even a Kardashian, he just married into the Kardashians. But anyway, these celebrities people literally just show up, hang out for an hour or two and leave with a five figure paycheck.

I could totally do that. I not only know how to hang out and chill, but I'm exceptional at it. Like, as I write this, I'm just hanging out with my dog, watching a Pittsburgh Pirates game. My wife is out of town, which just shows that even without her to keep me in line, I have the initiative to hang out and chill.

When these people go out for these appearances, some of them just sip on water and refuse to drink any of the free alcohol. Well guess what my favorite type of alcohol is? That's right, the free kind. Also, they just stay in their private booth and occasionally nod at the crowd. As a man of the people, I would be out on the dance floor, West Coast Dancing my ass off and entertaining the goons while making all the ladies swoon.

What's that you say, Las Vegas Club Promoter? You're kind of full with your nightclub entertainment right now. Well, that's actually perfect, because boy do I have an idea for you. You see, I'm an old man. I don't like being out late all that much, but if given proper naps, I could do it for the people. My real time to shine is during daylight. So how about we bring the celebrity game to the outdoor bars with the lazy pools? You post up Hott Joe in his own private cabana, give me a keg of Natural Light, a grill, and some meats, and I will put on a damn show. I'll be drinking, eating, and topless, probably doing some sick dance moves on top of it all. I will make the party go from fun to fun squared (Fun X Fun = More Fun).

You see, by being a common man who lives the dream, I make it seem attainable for all those schmucks. And all they have to do to attain that dream? Just let loose and take a gamble. What better place to take that gamble than the high-rolling Craps tables.

As you can see, I understand the business. I'm not just here to take your money, I'm here to make you money. Please feel free to inquire on my booking fees on Twitter @HottJoe or by email. I look forward to our future business relationship.

Monday, April 11, 2016

The Best and Worst of My 2016 Fantasy Baseball Draft - Part 3

Hey everybody, baseball is here. Last week, I had my fantasy baseball draft, and it sure was a doozy. Unfortunately, this past weekend was also WrestleMania, so I didn't have time to write about it before the season started. Still, people need to know whether their draft was good, bad, or ugly, so I'll be focusing on the best picks, the worst picks, and my pick in each round. It's super simple this year, just a straight 5X5 head-to-head 10 team league with 29 rounds. Who did the best? Me, probably. Who did the worst? I don't know. Part one was published last Monday, part two came out last Tuesday, and now for the long-awaited, exciting conclusion.

201 Jonathan Papelbon, Wsh RP Joc Jams Volume 1
202 Hector Olivera, Atl 3B Team Asaysian
203 Trevor Story, Col SS The Nasty Boys
204 Eduardo Escobar, Min SS Team GreinkMyCrank
205 Collin McHugh, Hou SP Blackmon Have McHugh Gardner Wongs
206 Denard Span, SF OF Regular Ass Joel
207 Marcus Semien, Oak SS   Team Pedigree
208 Wil Myers, SD OF Back 2 Take Yo Lunch $$
209 Alex Wood, LAD SP Team VottoEroticAsphyxiation
210 Steven Souza Jr., TB OF Total Jocs

Best Pick: Alex Wood
I thought Alex Wood was a steal in the trade the Dodgers made last year, and although he wasn't all that impressive when he came over, I think he puts it together with a full season in the rotation.

Worst Pick: Denard Span
Although the stat nerds like him, I'm not buying an aging Denard Span to stay effective and healthy this year.

My Pick: Marcus Semien
Full disclosure: I know next to nothing about Marcus Semien. I'm pretty sure he was with the White Sox, but then got traded to the Athletics, and I'm kind of guessing it was part of the Samardzija deal. I don't know what type of year he had last year, but I saw half of the fantasy "experts" predict that he would have a breakout year this season, so I'm really hoping they're right.

211 Delino DeShields, Tex OF Total Jocs
212 Khris Davis, Oak OF Team VottoEroticAsphyxiation
213 Andrew Miller, NYY RP Back 2 Take Yo Lunch $$
214 Lance McCullers, Hou SP   Team Pedigree
215 Justin Bour, Mia 1B Regular Ass Joel
216 Gerardo Parra, Col OF Blackmon Have McHugh Gardner Wongs
217 Vincent Velasquez, Phi RP Team GreinkMyCrank
218 Alex Gordon, KC OF The Nasty Boys
219 Michael Conforto, NYM OF Team Asaysian
220 Brad Ziegler, Ari RP Joc Jams Volume 1

Best Pick: Michael Conforto
I like the Conforto pick as a nice upside play this late in the draft. He hit well last year, and this is a point where hitters are becoming scarce, so it's a nice grab in the 22nd.

Worst Pick: Justin Bour
I'm guessing he'll be dropped before May.

My Pick: Lance McCullers
McCullers had some shoulder issues this spring, but it doesn't appear to be serious, and I'm hoping the Astros are just being extra cautious. He came up last year and was incredible, as his changeup took a huge leap forward, and he became one of the more effective young pitchers in the game. He's a little undersized, but as we all know, height doesn't measure heart.

221 Sean Doolittle, Oak RP Joc Jams Volume 1
222 Drew Storen, Tor RP Team Asaysian
223 Shawn Tolleson, Tex RP The Nasty Boys
224 Devin Mesoraco, Cin C Team GreinkMyCrank
225 Joe Ross, Wsh SP Blackmon Have McHugh Gardner Wongs
226 Clay Buchholz, Bos SP Regular Ass Joel
227 Marcell Ozuna, Mia OF   Team Pedigree
228 Kyle Hendricks, ChC SP Back 2 Take Yo Lunch $$
229 Anthony DeSclafani, Cin SP Team VottoEroticAsphyxiation
230 Andrew Heaney, LAA SP Total Jocs

Best Pick: Sean Doolittle
Getting a solid closer this late is a good get.

Worst Pick: Drew Storen
Getting a setup guy this early is not a good get. He has already been dropped.

My Pick: Marcell Ozuna
I'm a big believer in the Marlins outfield this year, because I trust in their hitting coach. He actually played in the major leagues but is not real well known, but I think the guy understands hitting, and I think Ozuna will benefit the most as he Barries balls into the stands while Bonding with his teammates.

231 Roberto Osuna, Tor RP Total Jocs
232 Juan Nicasio, Pit RP Team VottoEroticAsphyxiation
233 Nick Castellanos, Det 3B Back 2 Take Yo Lunch $$
234 Jorge Soler, ChC OF   Team Pedigree
235 Aaron Nola, Phi SP Regular Ass Joel
236 Jonathan Schoop, Bal 2B Blackmon Have McHugh Gardner Wongs
237 Santiago Casilla, SF RP Team GreinkMyCrank
238 Devon Travis, Tor 2B The Nasty Boys
239 Matt Holliday, StL OF Team Asaysian
240 Mitch Moreland, Tex 1B Joc Jams Volume 1

Best Pick: Aaron Nola
He's just a solid pitcher. He's never going to be a top pitcher, but he's got a pretty good chance to be a top 150 guy as long as he stays healthy.

Worst Pick: Matt Holliday
I've gone over this numerous times, but Matt Holliday is a traitor to this country and is likely the most reprehensible human being in all of professional baseball. He let his country down in the inaugural World Baseball Classic by faking an injury, and according to reliable sources, he's a douchebag.

My Pick: Jorge Soler
Jorge Soler is not in a great spot right now. There are four good outfielders on the Cubs, and I think they only plan to play three outfielders every day. But I have been a huge Soler fan for a while, and although he was bad last year, he did set the world on fire during the playoffs. I believe in playoffs Soler, and I think he has the ability to get more playing time than people are expecting.

241 Danny Valencia, Oak 3B Joc Jams Volume 1
242 Trevor Bauer, Cle SP Team Asaysian
243 Joey Gallo, Tex OF The Nasty Boys
244 Domingo Santana, Mil OF Team GreinkMyCrank
245 Steve Cishek, Sea RP Blackmon Have McHugh Gardner Wongs
246 Alcides Escobar, KC SS Regular Ass Joel
247 Matt Moore, TB SP   Team Pedigree
248 Arodys Vizcaino, Atl RP Back 2 Take Yo Lunch $$
249 Phil Hughes, Min SP Team VottoEroticAsphyxiation
250 Kevin Kiermaier, TB OF Total Jocs

Best Pick: Steve Cishek
I think he can keep the closer role. At this point, anybody who has that sort of role guaranteed to start the year is a good find.

Worst Pick: Danny Valencia
He's a platoon bat at best, and even that may be giving him too much credit.

My Pick: Matt Moore
I picked up Matt Moore last year, and he imploded as much as any one man could. But then he hit the minors and came back with a vengeance. His velocity picked up, and with that, so did the strikeouts. I'm betting on that latter Moore showing up, and if so, this is excellent value for this late in the draft.

251 Bradley Zimmer, Cle OF Total Jocs
252 Edinson Volquez, KC SP Team VottoEroticAsphyxiation
253 Kevin Gausman, Bal SP Back 2 Take Yo Lunch $$
254 Chris Carter, Mil 1B   Team Pedigree
255 Dexter Fowler, ChC OF Regular Ass Joel
256 Jason Hammel, ChC SP Blackmon Have McHugh Gardner Wongs
257 Tyler Glasnow, Pit SP Team GreinkMyCrank
258 Nathan Karns, Sea SP The Nasty Boys
259 Yasmany Tomas, Ari OF Team Asaysian
260 J.J. Hoover, Cin RP Joc Jams Volume 1

Best Pick: Kevin Gausman
I was a little bummed to miss out on Gausman as he provides some great upside at this point in the draft. Still, he teased it last year and didn't come through, and he's already hurting this year, so there is risk, but it's worth it for the possible reward.

Worst Pick: Bradley Zimmer
He's starting off in the minors, and this isn't the sort of talent that set the world on fire in the minor leagues where you would expect him to start dominating at the major league level. He'll probably be fine when he gets called up, but holding on to a guy for 2-3 months for a fine performance seems counter productive to me.

My Pick: Chris Carter
I like big sluggers, and I ain't worried about strikeouts. Hence, Chris Carter is one of my favorite players in baseball.

261 Ian Kennedy, KC SP Joc Jams Volume 1
262 Jimmy Nelson, Mil SP Team Asaysian
263 Josh Reddick, Oak OF The Nasty Boys
264 Trevor Plouffe, Min 3B Team GreinkMyCrank
265 Jeremy Jeffress, Mil RP Blackmon Have McHugh Gardner Wongs
266 Zack Wheeler, NYM SP Regular Ass Joel
267 Aaron Sanchez, Tor RP   Team Pedigree
268 Jean Segura, Ari SS Back 2 Take Yo Lunch $$
269 Wade Miley, Sea SP Team VottoEroticAsphyxiation
270 Jerad Eickhoff, Phi SP Total Jocs

Best Pick: Jean Segura
I'm a big Segura fan as the only real issue he had last year was a poor BABIP for a guy with his speed and hitting at the bottom of the order, so he wasn't able to rack up counting stats. Both of those may change in a more hitter friendly environment, especially with the injuries the Diamondbacks are dealing with. If certain middle infielders hadn't fallen my way, I would have been happy to add him to my team.

Worst Pick: Ian Kennedy
The Royals have infiltrated some of the Cardinals Devil Magic, but I'll say that it runs out for them, and they do look as stupid as the experts say they are for signing Kennedy.

My Pick: Aaron Sanchez
I saw that Sanchez is getting a shot in the rotation this year for the Blue Jays, and he has a lot of upside for a pitcher, and if he starts off slow, it's no big deal as I can just snag somebody off of the waiver wire.

271 Jarrod Dyson, KC OF Total Jocs
272 Andrew Cashner, SD SP Team VottoEroticAsphyxiation
273 Brad Boxberger, TB RP Back 2 Take Yo Lunch $$
274 Yan Gomes, Cle C   Team Pedigree
275 Stephen Vogt, Oak C Regular Ass Joel
276 Rajai Davis, Cle OF Blackmon Have McHugh Gardner Wongs
277 Melky Cabrera, CWS OF Team GreinkMyCrank
278 Adam Lind, Sea 1B The Nasty Boys
279 Jose Reyes, Col SS Team Asaysian
280 Joe Mauer, Min 1B Joc Jams Volume 1

Best Pick: Andrew Cashner
He was good enough to be traded for Anthony Rizzo, so that's got to mean something.

Worst Pick: Jose Reyes
I know it's fantasy and everything, but you've got to feel a little icky rooting for this guy. I know no charges are going to be pressed, and people should be innocent until proven guilty, but I don't know man. I didn't even bring this up with Aroldis, but he definitely falls in the same boat. Friends don't let friends draft Jose Reyes.

My Pick: Yan Gomes
What do you want from me? I needed a catcher. Gomes plays catcher. A couple years ago he was good; I hope he is good again.

281 Ervin Santana, Min SP Joc Jams Volume 1
282 Bartolo Colon, NYM SP Team Asaysian
283 Hector Santiago, LAA SP The Nasty Boys
284 Lucas Giolito, Wsh SP Team GreinkMyCrank
285 Nathan Eovaldi, NYY SP Blackmon Have McHugh Gardner Wongs
286 Erick Aybar, Atl SS Regular Ass Joel
287 Tyler White, Hou 3B   Team Pedigree
288 Matt Wieters, Bal C Back 2 Take Yo Lunch $$
289 Drew Pomeranz, SD RP Team VottoEroticAsphyxiation
290 Jackie Bradley Jr., Bos OF Total Jocs

Best Pick: Jackie Bradley Jr.
If things had fallen differently, I may have drafted Bradley, but they didn't, so I didn't. But I wouldn't be surprised if he solved his batting average problems and became valuable fantasy contributor.

Worst Pick: Bartolo Colon
Come on, man.

My Pick: Tyler White
Due to my connections within the industry, I have it on good authority that the Astros front office is very excited about Tyler White's potential. Now, this could mean he's going to be a new age John Olerud on offense, but, admittedly, it could just mean that he is a 33rd round pick that made the major leagues which is still pretty fantastic from a front office perspective. Anyway, he's got a starting first base job, and if he continues to hit like he has at every level of professional level, he could keep it for quite a while.

After breaking everything down, its time to look at who is going to be my greatest challenger. I'll give best picks two points and worst picks negative one point. Meanwhile, my picks will always get three points, because they are better than the best. With that scoring system, here is how the final standings should look this season.

1. Team Pedigree - 97 points
2. Back 2 Take Yo Lunch $$ - 12 points
3. The Nasty Boys - 7 Points
4. Team VottoEroticAsphyxiation - 6 Points
5. Team GreinkMyCrank 6-1 - 5 Points
6. Blackmon Have McHugh Gardner Wongs - 1 Point
7. Total Jocs - 0 Points
8. Regular Ass Joel - 0 Points
9. Joc Jams Volume 1 - 0 Points
10. Team Asaysian - -2 Points

So, there you have it. After 29 rounds (expanded from 25 since we only had 10 teams, and oh god did this review make me long for a 12 team league again), my team is clearly the cream of the crop. I shall rise to the top. I'm funky like a monkey, and too cool for school. And one thing for certain, when it comes to fantasy, I'm the man to see.

Thursday, April 7, 2016

Are the Cubs Too Good to Be Lovable?

The Cubs are talented this year. Like, super duper talented. To the point that many people are picking them to win the World Series. As a lifelong Cubs fan, it's a little weird, as this is not what I have come to expect from the Cubs. The Cubs will forever be the Cubs of the 1990s. Teams that had unforgettably fun players but not necessarily good players. They had a miraculous run in 1998, and then had some nice runs in the early-mid 2000s behind some of the highest potential pitchers who never all came together at the same time before things fell apart. And then the Cubs dipped into that safe space of being bad.

Then the Cubs got new ownership who brought in Theo Epstein (and friends) and although the major league roster continued to suck, they were building something. And last year that something came together to get the Cubs to the NLCS. Even as a Cubs fan, I couldn't believe the jump they made in one season and how their young players performed. It was a crazy year, and I was only a little sad when the Mets pitching annihilated them.

So now the Cubs enter 2016 as the favorite to win the World Series. That's pretty dang cool. But the Cubs as a favorite doesn't seem like a Cubs team at all. They were the lovable losers. Now that they look like winners, do they lose their lovability as well? Unfortunately, the answer to that question is yes.

The lovable losers no longer apply to the Cubs. You loved them like a guy that you'd loan $20 knowing that we'd never get paid back. You loved them in the way that their failures made you feel okay with your own shortcomings. You loved them with no fear, knowing they weren't going anywhere, because they had nowhere else to go. You loved them as a friend. A best friend.

You can't love a Cubs team that is this talented like that. But that doesn't mean that this team can't be loved. You can't love this team like a friend. This is a team you love with passion. This is a team that fills you with lust. I mean, just look at Kris Bryant.
This man doesn't look into your eyes; he looks into your soul. This team makes you doubt everything you've ever known, because it doesn't make sense. This is a team that keeps you up at night wondering if this could actually be real.

But it is real, and it is wonderful. And you realize that it's time to let go of your inhibitions and love completely, even though, logically, you know this could break your heart. And oh god, you pray that this doesn't end in heartbreak, but you can't fight the way you feel. You're going to love them day and night, so you may as well spend as many days and nights with them as possible. Let them overtake you, because, win or lose, each game is a slice of heaven.

And hopefully, at the end of the year, this is that love you never forget.

So, no, these aren't the lovable losers of your childhood. But this Cubs team is definitely still lovable.

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

The Best and Worst of My 2016 Fantasy Baseball Draft - Part 2

Hey everybody, baseball is here. Last week, I had my fantasy baseball draft, and it sure was a doozy. Unfortunately, this past weekend was also WrestleMania, so I didn't have time to write about it before the season started. Still, people need to know whether their draft was good, bad, or ugly, so I'll be focusing on the best picks, the worst picks, and my pick in each round. It's super simple this year, just a straight 5X5 head-to-head 10 team league with 29 rounds. Who did the best? Me, probably. Who did the worst? I don't know. Part one was published on Monday, but now onto part two.

101 Elvis Andrus, Tex SS Joc Jams Volume 1
102 Randal Grichuk, StL OF Team Asaysian
103 Anthony Rendon, Wsh 2B The Nasty Boys
104 Gregory Polanco, Pit OF Team GreinkMyCrank
105 Kolten Wong, StL 2B Blackmon Have McHugh Gardner Wongs
106 Michael Brantley, Cle OF Regular Ass Joel
107 Michael Wacha, StL SP   Team Pedigree
108 Maikel Franco, Phi 3B Back 2 Take Yo Lunch $$
109 Evan Longoria, TB 3B Team VottoEroticAsphyxiation
110 Josh Harrison, Pit 3B Total Jocs

Best Pick: Evan Longoria
Longoria isn't what he used to be, but as an 11th round pick, I can't think of doing much better. Even if he is what he is at this point, he's worth about that, and there is still the chance that he recovers some of his early career form and outproduces this position by quite a bit.

Worst Pick: Randal Grichuk
I'm selling on Grichuk. He struck out a ton last year, and although he might be able to hit 25 home runs, I think it's likely with a .230 average. Does that keep him starting every day, or is he more of a platoon bat at that point? And yes, I do realize that it's crazy to go against Cardinals Devil Magic, but I have a good reason because...

My Pick: Michael Wacha
Wacha's taking all that devil magic for himself this year. Wacha was cruising along before he seemingly ran out of gas at the end of last year. I think he can put together good Wacha for the entire year, and if that's the case, I got myself a nice little pitcher in the 11th round. He's got modest upside with seemingly little downside, so it's not an electrifying pick, but it will be an effective one.

111 Ketel Marte, Sea SS Total Jocs
112 Shin-Soo Choo, Tex OF Team VottoEroticAsphyxiation
113 Aroldis Chapman, NYY RP Back 2 Take Yo Lunch $$
114 Corey Dickerson, TB OF   Team Pedigree
115 Kole Calhoun, LAA OF Regular Ass Joel
116 Cody Allen, Cle RP Blackmon Have McHugh Gardner Wongs
117 Francisco Liriano, Pit SP Team GreinkMyCrank
118 Adam Eaton, CWS OF The Nasty Boys
119 Zach Britton, Bal RP Team Asaysian
120 Evan Gattis, Hou DH Joc Jams Volume 1

Best Pick: Adam Eaton
Adam Eaton might be mentally handicapped as he saw a 14-year-old as a leader, but baseball players don't have to be smart to be good. Last year he was good, and he'll probably be good again. I don't see it as a high upside play, but this is the point in the draft where you're just looking for solid contributions from your picks.

Worst Pick: Aroldis Chapman
Chapman may be the best closer in the game, but the dude is dead weight during his suspension, and even when he comes back, it's no guarantee that he is going to be the closer for the Yankees with both Miller and Betances also in the bullpen. The reward could be pretty good, but I think it's far too risky with significant downside early on to take that chance.

My Pick: Corey Dickerson
The Rays are still super smart, right? Oh god, they might be dumb? Well, crap, because this pick was based solely on the Rays being smart and seeing some great value in Dickerson. At this point, it came down to him or Adam Eaton, and I couldn't pull the trigger on the guy who thought a 14-year-old was a leader. I'll admit it's not exciting, but it should be fine for Round 12.

121 Michael Pineda, NYY SP Joc Jams Volume 1
122 Brandon Crawford, SF SS Team Asaysian
123 Masahiro Tanaka, NYY SP The Nasty Boys
124 Jeurys Familia, NYM RP Team GreinkMyCrank
125 Addison Russell, ChC 2B Blackmon Have McHugh Gardner Wongs
126 DJ LeMahieu, Col 2B Regular Ass Joel
127 Jeff Samardzija, SF SP   Team Pedigree
128 Kevin Pillar, Tor OF Back 2 Take Yo Lunch $$
129 Neil Walker, NYM 2B Team VottoEroticAsphyxiation
130 Lucas Duda, NYM 1B Total Jocs

Best Pick: Masahiro Tanaka
Since I like to base a ton off of what I see in person, I like the Tanaka pick. He looked like he was keeping hitters off balance when I saw him face off against the Orioles during Spring Training. Was Machado in the lineup? No. How about Chris Davis? No. Adam Jones? Nope. Pedro Alvarez or Mark Trumbo? Nope and nope. Were there any starters in the Orioles lineup? Well, I'm not totally familiar with the Orioles lineup, but no, I don't believe so. But Tanaka did look good, and that's enough for me.

Worst Pick: DJ LeMahieu
I don't have strong takes on this round, but there isn't much in LeMahieu's history to show that he should be a quality major league hitter, so I'll bet on his BABIP dropping and him losing a lot of his value.

My Pick: Jeff Samardzija
I thought Samardzija was going to be really good two years ago and he was. Last year, I didn't have any interest in him, and that turned out to be another good idea. This year, I just kind of threw a dart and figured he'd be good because he was back in the NL and in a very friendly pitcher's park. This may not be my best pick, but once Addison Russell went off the board, I figured a former Cub would have to due.

131 Ken Giles, Hou RP Total Jocs
132 Ben Zobrist, ChC 2B Team VottoEroticAsphyxiation
133 David Robertson, CWS RP Back 2 Take Yo Lunch $$
134 Brett Lawrie, CWS 3B   Team Pedigree
135 Jonathan Lucroy, Mil C Regular Ass Joel
136 Brett Gardner, NYY OF Blackmon Have McHugh Gardner Wongs
137 Dustin Pedroia, Bos 2B Team GreinkMyCrank
138 Ian Desmond, Tex SS The Nasty Boys
139 Justin Turner, LAD 3B Team Asaysian
140 Mark Melancon, Pit RP Joc Jams Volume 1

Best Pick: Ian Desmond
I'm a big believer in the Ian Desmond bounceback year. As long as he can be competent in the outfield, he should be good to go on putting up at least 15-15, and at shortstop, that's going to have some good value, even if the average is only around .260.

Worst Pick: Ken Giles
Ken Giles has been garbage every time I have seen him in spring training (twice), and the fact that the Astros didn't want to totally commit to him as the closer over Luke Gregerson. Even if he gets the closer role, he'll be on a tight leash, and there were plenty of closers in better situations to take at this point in the draft.

My Pick: Brett Lawrie
There are people predicting a breakout for Brett Lawrie. This has happened for five years now, and since 2011, it just hasn't happened. Last year showed a slight uptick in production, and that was when he moved to a pitcher's park. Now he's in a hitter's park, so maybe this is the year. He was the last guy that was second base eligible that I felt comfortable starting, so here we are, ready for the ever elusive Lawrie Breakout.

141 Justin Verlander, Det SP Joc Jams Volume 1
142 Hector Rondon, ChC RP Team Asaysian
143 A.J. Ramos, Mia RP The Nasty Boys
144 Byron Buxton, Min OF Team GreinkMyCrank
145 Dellin Betances, NYY RP Blackmon Have McHugh Gardner Wongs
146 Jay Bruce, Cin OF Regular Ass Joel
147 Yu Darvish, Tex SP   Team Pedigree
148 Raisel Iglesias, Cin SP Back 2 Take Yo Lunch $$
149 Jordan Zimmermann, Det SP Team VottoEroticAsphyxiation
150 Mark Trumbo, Bal OF Total Jocs

Best Pick: Mark Trumbo
I'm a really big fan of the Orioles offense this year. They have guys like Machado and Adam Jones, but then they have Chris Davis, Mark Trumbo, and Pedro Alvarez. Three huge sluggers who strike out a ton, but crush a ton of baseballs. Like, you might get 120 home runs out of those three guys. Probably more like 100, but still. So yes, I like Trumbo for a bounceback year.

Worst Pick: Jordan Zimmermann
He really fell off last year, and now he's going to the American League and probably isn't going to magically bounce back. I just don't see much upside in this pick and wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't worth owning this year.

My Pick: Yu Darvish
I will fully admit that I may have jumped the gun on snagging Darvish this early, but I really wanted Yu Darvish. He is coming off of a major injury and might be slow to regain his old form, but I think by the end of the year, he's going to be rolling, and that's the time of the year when I need my boy to shine.

151 Jaime Garcia, StL SP Total Jocs
152 Kendrys Morales, KC DH Team VottoEroticAsphyxiation
153 Billy Burns, Oak OF Back 2 Take Yo Lunch $$
154 Carlos Santana, Cle 1B   Team Pedigree
155 Jung Ho Kang, Pit 3B Regular Ass Joel
156 Ender Inciarte, Atl OF Blackmon Have McHugh Gardner Wongs
157 Julio Teheran, Atl SP Team GreinkMyCrank
158 Shelby Miller, Ari SP The Nasty Boys
159 Ryan Zimmerman, Wsh 1B Team Asaysian
160 Hisashi Iwakuma, Sea SP Joc Jams Volume 1

Best Pick: Julio Teheran
Teheran had a poor year last year, but he's young and will likely bounce back. At worst, he'll probably produce around the 150th most value, but he provides decent upside to become a top 100 guy.

Worst Pick: Jaime Garcia
Would you like to bet on Jaime Garcia staying healthy for the entire season? If so, I will gladly take the other side of that bet.

My Pick: Carlos Santana
I think Santana can hit .270. If he does that with his power, he could be an absolute stud this year. I know he hasn't done it yet, and he's practically Brett Lawrie with people predicting a breakout, but I'm ready for this breakout. And this gives me the added benefit of changing my team name to something involving the song, "Smooth."

161 Mark Teixeira, NYY 1B Joc Jams Volume 1
162 Steven Matz, NYM SP Team Asaysian
163 Brian McCann, NYY C The Nasty Boys
164 Jake Odorizzi, TB SP Team GreinkMyCrank
165 Jose Quintana, CWS SP Blackmon Have McHugh Gardner Wongs
166 Yordano Ventura, KC SP Regular Ass Joel
167 Jake McGee, Col RP   Team Pedigree
168 Curtis Granderson, NYM OF Back 2 Take Yo Lunch $$
169 Matt Duffy, SF 3B Team VottoEroticAsphyxiation
170 Joc Pederson, LAD OF Total Jocs

Best Pick: Jake Odorizzi
Not gonna lie, I was pretty jealous of this pick. Odorizzi has been really good these last two years. His only real issue last year was an injury, but it wasn't serious, and I don't see any reason to think he's more injury prone than any other pitcher. He's probably going to be very good, and I wish he was on my team.

Worst Pick: Curtis Granderson
Granderson seems to do just enough to keep people believing in him. Last year, he had that year that made people believe, so it should inevitably be followed by a couple years where people ask themselves why they were buying into Curtis Granderson. I will not buy into you Curtis, but keep getting paid, playa.

My Pick: Jake McGee
I needed a closer. McGee is a closer. I'm aware that he plays in Colorado, which isn't great, but if Huston Street can be just as effective, I see no reason McGee can't do the same.

171 Anibal Sanchez, Det SP Total Jocs
172 Drew Smyly, TB SP Team VottoEroticAsphyxiation
173 Starlin Castro, NYY SS Back 2 Take Yo Lunch $$
174 Gio Gonzalez, Wsh SP   Team Pedigree
175 Logan Forsythe, TB 2B Regular Ass Joel
176 Kenta Maeda, LAD SP Blackmon Have McHugh Gardner Wongs
177 Francisco Rodriguez, Det RP Team GreinkMyCrank
178 Huston Street, LAA RP The Nasty Boys
179 Salvador Perez, KC C Team Asaysian
180 Mike Moustakas, KC 3B Joc Jams Volume 1

Best Pick: Drew Smyly
Smyly somehow rehabbed an injury and avoided surgery when everyone thought he was going to have to have surgery. So there is definite risk, but when he is healthy, he's a really good pitcher, and this is the point where it makes sense to take chances on guys like that.

Worst Pick: Francisco Rodriguez
Wasn't he supposed to be done as a top-level reliever like four years ago? I'm not buying into this whole smoke and mirrors version of K-Rod. I'm going to bet that he's either injured or ineffective, neither of which is a good thing.

My Pick: Gio Gonzalez
I was trying to get Gio Gonzalez for most of the season last year. I finally got him with like a month left in the year, and he did not magically become the pitcher I thought he'd be. But maybe this year he will be. I think he can cut down on the walks and hits he gave up, and if he does that, he could turn back into the #2 pitcher that people thought he was going into last year. If not, he's still not that bad of an 18th round pick.

181 Travis d'Arnaud, NYM C Joc Jams Volume 1
182 Victor Martinez, Det DH Team Asaysian
183 Mike Fiers, Hou SP The Nasty Boys
184 Joe Panik, SF 2B Team GreinkMyCrank
185 Russell Martin, Tor C Blackmon Have McHugh Gardner Wongs
186 Howie Kendrick, LAD 2B Regular Ass Joel
187 Glen Perkins, Min RP   Team Pedigree
188 Pedro Alvarez, Bal 1B Back 2 Take Yo Lunch $$
189 John Lackey, ChC SP Team VottoEroticAsphyxiation
190 Brad Miller, TB SS Total Jocs

Best Pick: Pedro Alvarez
Like I said in Round 15, I love the Orioles offense, and a bounceback from Pedro Alvarez is a big reason why.

Worst Pick: Victor Martinez
I bet against Victor Martinez two years ago, and he made me look like a butthole. I bet against him last year and had my revenge. Now it's time for the tiebreaker. You will not be good this year, Victor Martinez, and if you are, well, I'll bet against you again next year.

My Pick: Glen Perkins
Alvarez was a guy I really wanted but my computer started messing up, so I got my phone fired up just in time to draft, but I just wanted to make sure I didn't get stuck with a jabroni, so I took the highest rated guy in my queue. Alvarez was waiting just a little ways down, but I'm actually pretty happy with Perkins as he is a closer that I have a lot of confidence in.

191 Stephen Piscotty, StL OF Total Jocs
192 Scott Kazmir, LAD SP Team VottoEroticAsphyxiation
193 Patrick Corbin, Ari SP Back 2 Take Yo Lunch $$
194 Carlos Rodon, CWS SP   Team Pedigree
195 Alex Rodriguez, NYY DH Regular Ass Joel
196 Luis Severino, NYY SP Blackmon Have McHugh Gardner Wongs
197 Taijuan Walker, Sea SP Team GreinkMyCrank
198 James Shields, SD SP The Nasty Boys
199 Mike Leake, StL SP Team Asaysian
200 Wei-Yin Chen, Mia SP Joc Jams Volume 1

Best Pick: Taijuan Walker
Walker turned it on after a really rough start early in the year. If he had just been in the minors before he put things together, he would have been drafted about seven rounds earlier, but his rough start skewed his final numbers, and this is a nice pick for round 20.

Worst Pick: Scott Kazmir
I doubt I will ever buy into a post-prime improvement from someone, and Kazmir has proved me wrong the last few years, but I'll bet on the magic running out this season.

My Pick: Carlos Rodon
Rodon was incredibly underrated by ESPN's rankings, so he fell to Round 20. That is a huge blessing for me, as Rodon has the raw stuff to emerge as one of the best pitchers in the American League. I'm not betting on all that happening this year, but I do think he takes a step in that direction.

And so goes part two. Part 3 will be coming in the next couple days.