Tonight is the night of one of the most anticipated fights in UFC history. For the casual fan, it might be the biggest fight ever as McGregor has become the biggest crossover star in UFC history. Bigger than Lesnar, bigger than Rousey, even bigger than Aaron Brink (this is obviously figuratively, not literally). Meanwhile, Khabib Nurmagomedov is his greatest challenger. Not only does this fight have a ton of hype, but it is also incredibly interesting as both fighters have a way to win.
Each fighter's goal is obvious. For McGregor, he needs to keep distance and stay on his feet as he is vastly superior as a striker. I have been a McGregor hater for a long time as I continue to underestimate the guy. This is me being very dumb and also being slow to recognize that his training methods, although sometimes silly as shit, have been incredibly effective. Conor has always had power, but his movement in the cage and his ability for lightning quick strikes have gotten leaps and bounds better, and that is why he has had continued success despite most people feeling he is fairly one dimensional. "All you have to do is take him down," they say. But that is far easier said than done.
Meanwhile, Khabib has the opposite goal. Close the distance. That's it. It's not even getting takedowns, because those will happen if he can close the distance, but even in the clinch, McGregor is going to be so preoccupied with staying on his feet that Khabib can dominate McGregor without ever getting him to the mat. But if Nurmagomedov does get him on the ground? Oh yeah, McGregor is fucked. That's not because McGregor is incompetent on the ground; it's that everybody gets dominated when Khabib puts them on the mat. His positioning and body control are a thing of beauty, and it allows him to rain down strikes no matter how his opponent tries to escape.
McGregor is unmatched on the feet, and Khabib is unmatched on the ground. It is as basic of a matchup as the first UFC cards, just that these guys are using such advanced weapons that it's almost unrecognizable that the fights from 25 years ago are even the same sport from the fights today. And that classic contrast just adds to the excitement, as even though this fight is close on paper, it's really tough to see one guy not dominating the other. Somebody is going to figure out their game plan, and once they do, that other guy is screwed.
Ultimately, I am going to risk underestimating McGregor again, and I'm going with Khabib. Khabib's defense is very suspect standing up, but nobody has been able to take real advantage of it. Khabib isn't just undefeated; he's never lost a round to any of his opponents. McGregor is the best striker he's ever faced, but that's because McGregor is on an Anderson Silva level of striking these days where he can flick jabs with such lightning precision that they can drop opponents. Still, Khabib is in a good camp, and I just see him finding a way to get inside and take McGregor down. Once he has a chance to beat on McGregor, it'll take some pep out of his step, and it's just going to get easier from there. McGregor is incredible, but he can be physically broken. He got broken by Diaz in their first fight; he got broken by Mayweather, and I see him getting broken by Khabib tonight. I'm not counting McGregor out, but I have to pick Khabib. The only outcome I'd be surprised with is that if this fight goes the distance as either McGregor knocks out Khabib or Khabib breaks McGregor.
Brawl For All was one of the most fascinating ideas in WWE history. It's when the WWE took the reality era to a logical place, having real fights, under extraordinarily stupid rules. You may think the WWE did this to capitalize on the popularity of the UFC, and I'm sure that was kind of the case, but there was just one problem. WWE is always like five years behind on things, so instead of the UFC being fresh and exciting, it was actually at its lowest point in popularity since starting in 1993. It was literally the worst time to have Brawl For All, but as it turned out, there was never going to be a good time to have Brawl For All.
The rules allowed punching and takedowns with most punches landed in a round worth five points, each takedown worth five points, and a knockdown being worth 10 points. The entire fight was three one-minute rounds with 30 seconds rest between each round.
We left after the first four fights of the first round. I should point out that the referee from the first four fights, legendary wrestler and shooter, Dan Hodge, is no longer refereeing, probably because he's embarrassed to be watching this. But I'm not embarrassed, so let's continue the action of these glorious first round battles. Round 1: Bart Gunn vs. Bob Holly
Bart Gunn was one half of the Smoking Gunns until his teammate, Billy Gunn, decided to become a new-aged Honky Tonk Man known as Rockabilly, and eventually would move on to Degeneration X. Bob Holly started off as Thurman "Sparky" Plugg, a NASCAR themed pro wrestler, and he just slowly moved away from that but was still completely inconsequential at this point. The most interesting aspect of this was that these two were currently tag team partners but would have to square off in Brawl for All. It started off great as Bob Holly gave a shove to Bart Gunn's back before the match started. Then the fight started, and it was by far the cleanest fight that I had seen up to this point. It wasn't great by any means, but Bart Gunn threw a pretty clean jab, and Bob Holly tried to work inside to attack the body. Unfortunately, Bart was able to do damage with a hooking uppercut that you never see from professional fighters, because it's about the easiest angle to block imaginable, but it worked fairly well against Holly. Bart Gunn outpointed Holly in every round in what was the most technically skilled fight, but as I mentioned, it still wasn't a great fight.
Oh yeah, and the greatest part happened after the fight when Bart tried to congratulate his tag partner for a hard fight, and Bob Holly threw a sucker punch, and they started brawling. Somehow, this match was one of the few I couldn't find online, so here's video highlights from a hardcore match they had a year later.
Round 1: Dan "The Beast" Severn vs. The Godfather
So, unfortunately, I found the video but can't embed it, but you really need to watch it because the commentary really makes the match. The Godfather had a pimp wrestling gimmick where he came out with "hos" (local strippers) to the ring. He went up against Dan Severn, who earned his "Beast" nickname as a former UFC Champion who was an incredibly high level Greco Roman wrestler. Yep, just a UFC Champion vs. a Pimp in a real fight. The fight went as you would expect, where Godfather actually looked okay on the feet, but he couldn't stop a takedown. Severn clearly had two takedowns in every round, but the commentary is possibly the most clueless bullshit in the history of the WWE, which is saying a lot. Jerry Lawler and Shawn Michaels know about as much about fighting as my aunt. I'm not sure if they have ever seen any form of amateur wrestling in their lives. Every time Severn took him down, both of them were like, "Well, I don't think that's a takedown." Severn was literally pinning Godfather, and they both agreed, "Well, that may be a pin, but that's not a takedown." Also amazing was the fact that the production truck was listening to the guys on commentary for scoring, so they somehow had Godfather up 10-5 after two rounds. The real judges got the score right as Severn advanced with relative ease.
Round 1: Quebecer Pierre vs. "Dr. Death" Steve Williams
I know every review of these fights is, "Holy shit, this one is somehow even crazier than the one before," but holy shit, this one is even crazier than the one before, and it cannot possibly be topped. Quebecer Pierre wore an eye patch to the ring. This wasn't a gimmick eye patch either; he legitimately only had one eye. They let a man with one eye get in a legitimate fight against probably the second biggest favorite in the tournament, Steve Williams. Williams was afour-time All-American wrestler and football player at the University of Oklahoma. He's about as legit of a badass as you can possibly be without being a professional fighter. They matched him up against a one-eyed man. Dr. Death just tooled him with takedowns, which was good because it was pretty clear that ol' Stevie was not too strong with his boxing. Ol' Pierre was completely exhausted about ten seconds into the second round but he continued to take a beating until the ref eventually called a standing knockout with five seconds left since Pierre never fell to the ground, he was just really tired. Also, he only had one eye. Enjoy it in all of its glory.
First Round: 2 Cold Scorpio vs. 8-Ball
Brawl for All was so consistently getting booed out of the building that they put this match on before Raw started and just showed about thirty seconds of highlights. 2 Cold Scorpio was a high flyer who gave up about sixty pounds to 8-Ball who was part of a biker gang tag team. 8-Ball apparently beat on him early but then faded as Scorpio was able to take the final two rounds and win the match. It looked like there were some fun flurries, but since the WWE was worried about their precious ratings, we never got to see this match in its entirety.
But that wraps up the first round. Next time, we will go over the second round, and oh yes, it will continue to be a clusterfuck of epic proportions.
Fedor Emelianenko is one of the greatest fighters of all time, and he has a pretty good claim for being the greatest fighter of all time. This past weekend, he was scheduled to take on Matt Mitrione, who was a good, but not great Heavyweight in the UFC who has since moved to Bellator. This is a level of competition that Fedor would have handled easily in his prime, but the type where Fedor should definitely not be favored against at this point in his career.
But Fedor shocked the world yet again and didn't lose his fight this past weekend.
Now, he also didn't win, but that's beside the point. Fedor's legend is enough to give a man kidney stones, and that is how he vanquished his foe this weekend as Mitrione was unable to take the fight. And thank God for that.
With Fedor Emelianenko, more than any other fighter, people underestimate how far this sport has come since his prime. Today, Fedor struggles against middling light heavyweights fighting up a weight class, but people claim that he could still dominate in his prime. I know it was only eight years ago when he was still an unstoppable cyborg who absolutely annihilated opponents, but this sport has transformed in the last eight years.
I know Fedor has this invincibility to him, but let's look at another legend from that time, Matt Hughes. Looking at his resume, Hughes is the second best welterweight in UFC history. But if Hughes is in his prime today, does he come anywhere near the title picture? Hell no. His ceiling is probably a .500 fighter in the UFC, and you can make a pretty good argument that he wouldn't even win a fight in today's UFC. His wrestling pedigree isn't anything special, and his striking straight up sucked. Maybe he can bulldog his way through some strikers without enough takedown defense, or maybe he just takes beatings while going for sloppy takedowns. Either way, he's not anywhere near elite in today's UFC.
It's the same story for Fedor. Fedor has powerful but sloppy striking, his sambo background helps him with throws, solid submissions and good body control, but there isn't one aspect of his game that you could say is elite. Because the heavyweight division is pretty weak right now, I could see Fedor having a solid career, but there is one kryptonite that he would never be able to overcome, and that is a good wrestler. Cain Velasquez, and hell, even Brock Lesnar, would be an absolute nightmare for Fedor. Wrestling is far superior to Sambo, and I think Fedor would learn that the hard way in today's MMA landscape. The only wrestlers that Fedor ever faced were Mark Coleman and Kevin Randleman, two guys who almost seemed proud of their total lack of jiu jitsu knowledge. And even with that, Fedor almost had his life ended by this:
Fedor still has a great claim of being the greatest fighter ever, much like Babe Ruth has a great claim of being the greatest baseball player ever. Sure, baseball has changed over the last century, but MMA has changed nearly as much over the last decade. It doesn't take away from their legacy, and that means they have nothing to prove today. Fedor stepping into the cage to fight is as relevant to me as Babe Ruth getting dug up to step up to the plate. It simply doesn't matter. Fedor didn't lose this weekend. To me, that's a win.
Brock Lesnar is coming back to the octagon for UFC 200. This is interesting on a variety of levels. First off, it's Brock Lesnar, the biggest draw the UFC has ever had coming back to fight again. He hasn't fought since 2011, and he hasn't had a win in over six years. But it's not like he's just been sitting around, he's been in the WWE, even becoming champion and only losing his title, because a guy was able to add himself to a match that had already been going on for 15 minutes; I don't believe this is legal in the UFC. But even though he was in the WWE, he only worked a part-time schedule, so he still had time to move to Saskatchewan, because Brock Lesnar is so anti-social, that he thought Northern Minnesota was too crowded. He will be representing Canada in his return to the UFC, a country that he accused of trying to kill him because of their shitty health care. Brock Lesnar is a truly fascinating individual.
But maybe the most fascinating thing is the opponent for Brock Lesnar, Mark Hunt. Mark Hunt's record, much like Brock Lesnar's actually, is unimpressive. 12-10 just doesn't jump off the page at anyone, but that greatly underestimates how good Hunt has become as a mixed martial artist. He started as a Kickboxer, but transitioned into Pride MMA bouts, because that's what Pride did back then. He's literally never had an easy opponent, as he has only faced guys in Pride, Dream, K-1, and the UFC. He's also gotten a lot better as the years have gone on, and is actually 7-3-1 in his last 11 fights in the UFC with all three of his losses coming to UFC Heavyweight Champions.
But the most important thing about Mark Hunt is that first part, he's a kickboxer, and he's about as pure of a kickboxer that you're going to see in today's mixed martial arts. With Brock Lesnar, you have a grappler, and most importantly, a wrestler. This is as close to UFC 1 as we are going to get, it's one guy who wants to stand up and strike versus a guy who wants to take it to the ground and pound him out or submit him. It's beautiful in its simplicity.
So the question becomes, does Brock Lesnar have a chance after such a long layoff? I believe he does. I mean Hunt has only lost to champions, and Lesnar is a former UFC champion. More importantly, there aren't many good wrestlers in the heavyweight division. During this great run Hunt has had, he hasn't faced anyone that would be considered even an average wrestler. Hell, I'm not sure if he's faced anyone with average wrestling in his entire career. Even if Lesnar's wrestling is rusty, it's still going to be good by heavyweight standards.
Could Hunt knock Lesnar's head off? Of course, but thinking that it's a foregone conclusion is foolish. Never forget what a legitimate physical freak Brock Lesnar is. If there's anybody that can come back from this sort of layoff, it's Lesnar. That's why I am predicting a triumphant return for Lesnar. I don't think Mark Hunt has the defensive wrestling to deal with Lesnar. Although I don't think Lesnar can quite pull off a Suplex City performance, I do think he can at least him to Takedown Town and finish him in the first round.
My wife and I are rewatching The OC together, because I enjoy her company, and it's good to have a show to watch as we fall asleep at 10:00 PM (double digits means it's time to get to sleep). Anyway, we just started, and man, The OC is really bad. It makes ZERO sense, in every way, shape, and form. But that's also what kind of makes it wonderful. Still, there were a few things that I needed to address as they are too stupid to be excusable. Here are the five worst things about the first episode.
5. Luke Is Not Subtle
Luke tries to hook up with a girl at a party that not only is his girlfriend present, but it's a party for her. He couldn't be more blatant about it. He grabbed her in the middle of the party and took her out to the beach, showing no wit, charm, or guile. And HE GOT AWAY WITH IT. Luke was the dogshit worst at the beginning of this show, but he turned into by far my favorite character, so I'm just going to chalk this up to a baller-ass Luke move. I can't hate this. Let's try again. 5b. Ryan Is Awful At Crime
The first episode starts with Ryan's brother stealing a car, and Ryan being apprehensive about getting in. He slows down everything and is just hanging outside the car as his brother tells him to hurry up and get in. Finally, he sees a cop car and decides, "Yep, NOW is the time I should get in the car." That is literally the worst time to hop in a stolen car. So he hops in the car and they run into a lightpole trying to avoid the cops.
4. Ryan Is The Worst
Let's review what Ryan does in the first episode. He hops in a stolen car when he sees police officers driving by which shows that he is a stupid criminal. Despite having the charm of a dead moth, Sandy Cohen takes him in to his house. Ryan immediately starts smoking cigarettes at the end of the driveway. Then the Cohens invite him to a fancy party, and this idiot immediately starts sneaking alcohol. What a dumbass. This guy could not behave for an hour straight, and still, he gets adopted by a super rich family because he was nice to Seth. They totally should have just adopted a black kid instead. Sandy could have gotten all the drama of bringing in an outsider with none of the drama, as that child couldn't have been any worse than Ryan. The only logical explanation is that Seth is racist and refused to have a black friend, but that kind of seems true of everyone from Newport Beach.
3. Summer Is The Worst Friend
Summer and some random girl dropped Marissa off at her house. Marissa was passed out, so they just left her on the front stoop. That is not a good friend. Like, Summer could have just let Marissa pass out at her house. Also, hot take here: In the first episode, Marissa is hotter than Summer. She's got the girl next door thing perfected. Now, don't get me wrong, Summer probably passed her by episode three, and neither of them could hold a candle to my girl, Taylor Townsend. 2. Luke's Beatdown
Ryan sucker punches Luke, which wasn't even a big enough event to make it on how awful of a person Ryan is, and Luke then beats him up, but the only good shot he got in was a kick to the gut. If Luke would have just smashed his face in, things probably would have worked out better for every single person on this show except for Ryan and maybe Seth. That is a sacrifice I think all of Newport would be willing to make. 1. Seth Drinks Beer
Seth goes to his first party, and he decides to hang out by the keg and drink beer. There is NO WAY Seth would drink beer. He would be treating himself to the fruitiest cocktails, and he would either make them way too stiff and make an ass out of himself or he would make them with the tiniest amount of alcohol and pretend to be drunk. Either way it'd be an embarrassment and not involve any Natural Light.
Also, I could probably do this with every episode of The OC, but I can't put the world through that. I'm like six episodes in, and Jimmy Cooper lost $4 million, Sandy starts playing video games, Kirsten got demoted, Marissa and Luke broke up like six times and apparently lose their virginity to each other, Ryan burned down a house, Grandpa Caleb's 23 year-old girlfriend tries to have sex with Ryan...oh, and Luke gets shot. That is what I could come up with during one minute of thinking. I doubt it's half of the ridiculous shit that took place.
After Ronda Rousey got knocked out by Holly Holm, people were asking a lot of questions. Did Ronda come in overconfident? Did she not give Holm the credit she deserves? Is she simply physically overmatched and her reign as the Queen of Women's MMA over? Those questions may be interesting, but I don't think it addresses the real issue in why Ronda Rousey lost, and more importantly lost badly. The real question becomes, does Ronda Rousey need better coaching?
When you look at all of the other UFC champions, you see great camps around them. I mean, maybe the most questionable camp is Demetrious Johnson, and it'd be pretty silly to question the coaching abilities of Matt Hume. Then you look at Ronda Rousey, and she's got some judo guys and a coach who doesn't pay taxes. I'm not sure if they truly helped her rise, or whether her rise was inevitable due to her natural physical abilities.
As a part of Team Hayastan, she is in the gym with the likes of...well, I've never actually heard of anyone listed on the Sherdog page. But they have tough nicknames like Silverback, The Chainsaw, and, um, Grasshopper? Come on, guys, if you're not a great fighter, at least get a good nickname. She also trains at Glendale Fighting Club, which lists her boyfriend, Travis Browne as a member, but he's a recent addition, so it's not like the gym can really take credit for any of his success.
So, looking at what both gyms have produced for professional fighters, it is Ronda Rousey, and only Ronda Rousey. That's not a great sign.
Since Rousey began in MMA, she has been a force of nature. She physically overwhelmed everyone who fought her, as the only person who lasted more than a round was Miesha Tate, and she was only able to do that on her second try. Let's face it, if Ronda Rousey had not gotten better from her first fight to her last fight, her record would probably be the same. Her judo background meant that she was simply that much better than her opponents.
Now, don't get me wrong. Her strikes are way better than they used to be, but how much of that is coaching and how much of that is just that she's a phenomenal athlete, so of course, with practice, she would become much better at striking. I happen to think it might be more of the latter.
And even with those strides, her ground game will always be better than her striking, probably much, much...much better than her striking. And with good coaches, wouldn't one of the main goals be using strikes to set up a clinch where she can go for a takedown? Yet, in the Holm fight, Rousey showed no real inclination for that, as her punches were wild, and she kept getting taking punches right down the middle of her defense. In between the first and second round, did you hear her corner giving her some great advice to turn things around? Nope, they basically sounded like me giving fight advice, as they were more cheerleaders than coaches.
I think Ronda Rousey is the most physically talented female fighter in the world. That doesn't mean she is the best, as even with better coaching, Holly Holm is SUPER good. But with Rousey's skillset, there is no reason she should ever get overwhelmed like that. With better coaching, I think it could be a different fight, but if she isn't willing to make that significant change, I don't think anything will change if she fights Holm again.
Ronda Rousey is great, but I don't think she reaches her full potential without getting out of her comfort zone and finding a camp that can help her be her best.
Our phones are running our lives these days. Checking email, Twitter, The Facebook Dot Com, not to mention paying bills, and with the advent of Tinder, you can even pick up potential mates. It's truly amazing, and yet none of these things compare to technology's greatest invention, the greatest app ever made. That's right; I'm talking about Rumblr.
What is Rumblr, you ask? Oh, Rumblr is just an app for your phone where you can find and meet people who have a similar interest as you. That similar interest? Fighting. Yep, you can just open up your app, find someone in your area, and see if they'd like to throw down behind the local Publix or Hy-Vee Grocery Store. I mean, you don't have to fight behind the grocery store, but that was the choice spot back in my day.
But it gets better. It is not just for fighters, as you can also just look for fights happening in your area and see two random shitheads throw down in the parking lot by the tennis courts (this was a secondary spot for fights back in my day). Let's face it; there is nothing more compelling than two people fighting. You can't not watch. I will admit that watching people fight can be sickening when watching one dominate another, but it can also be hilarious, like when one person could dominate another, but instead decides to hump them into emasculation instead (this is a thing I have witnessed).
I mean, the people who came up with Tinder did a great job by helping people hook up with other sexy singles, but this is simply on another level. Finally, an app that will allow you to schedule a late-night meet-up, or should I say beat-up session in front of the local sporting goods store (this was a desperation spot for us when we needed to watch a fight).
The only disappointing thing about this app is that it is only coming out to the first 2000 people that signed up, and they're rolling it out on iPhones first. I'm likely not a part of that first 2000, and second, iPhone users lack grit. These iPhone fighters are more likely to do verbal sparring about their Ivy School's graduation rate. Once they roll it out for Android users, you'll start seeing some real fighting going on. And Heaven help us if they ever find a way to roll it out for old school Nokia phone users, because I will finally live my dream of seeing two guys fight each other with taped fists, tarred and covered in broken glass, the way Jesus always envisioned.
I am not a hateful person. I'm far more likely to just let things be than to hold a grudge. Remembering who you hate and who is your rival is difficult for me, as I really just don't care about holding onto negativity. Yet, there is one enemy where my hatred runs deep and is hotter than a million suns. No human is worthy of this hate, but another animal is: The Red-Winged Blackbird, aka the worst thing on Earth.
These birds are assholes. There is no other way to put it. Actually, there is one other way to put it: They are stupid assholes. Stupid, because they are birds yet they choose to build their nests on the ground. Now, let's think about this: If I had the ability to fly, do you think I would spend a lot of time walking around to places? Do you think I would just stay in traffic, because DURRRR, I don't know no better. No, I wouldn't. I'd use my damn high flying abilities to stay above the fray. Yet these birds are so stupid that they put their nests on the ground.
Because of their nesting grounds, they like to act as if others are at fault for coming near their nests on the ground. This is when these dumbasses get into asshole mode. They are incredibly territorial, and they are more than willing to attack human beings. When I lived in Iowa, I would run near the river, and these birds would take turns swooping down to attack me like it was a scene from Mad Max. But these birds are not brave; they're cowards. They only attack the crown of my head, and they always come from behind. That's a bitch move right there.
One of the best things about moving to Florida is that I felt I was finally rid of these stupid assholes. I hadn't seen any of them since I moved down here, and I was able to run in peace. But with the new move, I have not just seen these assholes; they live in my backyard.
So far, it has been a feeling out process. They seem to be nesting far enough into the marsh that we don't have reasons to confront each other, but they still hang out in my tree. They have not tried to harm me or my dog while we play in the backyard, and I have not gotten out my tennis racket and started swinging for the fences.
What I'm hoping is that these are Florida birds, so they have retired from family life and are just retiring out their final days. That's cool by me, but the second they start to puff out their chests and come swooping at me, they're going to get a mouthful of tennis racket, and I'm strapping on my boots to go nest stomping.
Messing with people like me is the reason that "birdbrains" is such a terrible insult. It isn't wise, and I will have my revenge.
I have written about JoseCanseconumeroustimesonthisblog, and by numerous, it appears that he has been in 60 different posts. But Jose Canseco really seems to have things going well for him. He's been in some commercials, and he gets some mild publicity for his stunts like wearing a shirt apologizing to Mark McGwire at a Cardinals-Dodgers game a few weeks ago. As happy as I am for Jose, it makes him pretty boring, because he can't quite stir up the genuine sadness that made his Twitter account so entertaining.
Luckily, I have found my new muse in Jose's twin brother, Ozzie Canseco. Don't be fooled, as he is not the totally lame @OzzieCanseco twitter handle; his twitter handle is @TwinTower7264, and it's amazing. The only problem with his account is that I could literally break down every tweet, because they are all great in their own special way. Let's just start from the beginning and see where this takes us:
i am pound for pound the best power hitter in the world ,just ask bruce mead
— OZZIE CANSECO (@twintower7264) February 28, 2011
Who the hell is Bruce Mead? I have no idea. This tweet is kind of like me saying, "I'm the most handsome boy in the whole wide world, just ask my Mom." But what's really important about this tweet is that it is one of the very few tweets that are not typed in ALL CAPS. What Ozzie has to say is important, so HE HAS EVERY RIGHT TO YELL IT AT YOU.
I CHALLENGE YOU TO ANY SPORT THAT YOU CAN NAME ,I HAVE ALWAYS BED THE BETTER ATHLETE JUST NEVER GOT A REAL CHANCE
— OZZIE CANSECO (@twintower7264) March 12, 2012
This is the beginning of him randomly challenging Jose to contests. I was going to say that this happens a surprising amount, but it happens all the time, which is exactly what you would expect from Ozzie Canseco. I especially love the second part where he claims to "bed" better athletes. Jose may have been knockin' boots with Madonna, but Ozzie was gettin' busy with Billie Jean King.
Advantage: Ozzie.
DON,T EVEN THINK ABOUT TRYING TO STEP IN A BOXING RINK WITH ME BRO IT WILL BE LIGHTS OUT FOR YOU.
— OZZIE CANSECO (@twintower7264) March 12, 2012
You can tell that Ozzie has always wanted to be the best at something. That is why he created a boxing ring and covered it in ice to have a boxing rink. He may be bankrupt, but he is incredible at landing his jab on ice. That's a sound investment in my opinion.
AND FOR ALL YOU JEALOUS HATERS OUT THERE COME AND GET SOME FROM( IRON MAN) BUNCH OF COWARDS THAT LIKE TO HIDE BEHIND A COMPUTER SCREEN
— OZZIE CANSECO (@twintower7264) March 12, 2012
YES YOU PUNKS YOU HEARD ME MY REAL NAME IS (IRON MAN) I AM A 48 YEAR OLD PEICE OF STEEL FORGED IN THE HOTTEST FIRE IMAGINABLE
— OZZIE CANSECO (@twintower7264) March 12, 2012
Why is he Iron Man? Why is Iron Man in parentheses when he uses it. Why does he need the hottest fire imaginable when any fire hot enough to mold steel should be sufficient? These tweets bring so many questions, but sadly, I'm not sure if we'll ever have the answers.
I AM BY FAR THE BETTER LOOKINGAND WAY YOUNGER LOOKING TWIN WITH A MUCH HOTTER BODY THAN MY BROTHER,
— OZZIE CANSECO (@twintower7264) March 14, 2012
HE HAS ALWAYS HAD A PROBLEM WITH THAT FACT.ALL OF HIS GIRL FRIENDS HAVE AT SOME POINT AND TIME HIT ON ME AND TRIED TO SLEEP WITH ME
— OZZIE CANSECO (@twintower7264) March 14, 2012
STARTING WITH HIS FIRST GIRLFRIEND IN HIGH SCHOOL ANNA MC CARTER.
— OZZIE CANSECO (@twintower7264) March 14, 2012
50% of Ozzie's tweets do involve talking shit to Jose. I guarantee that every Thanksgiving, their shit talk slowly escalates until they are nailing each other with Yo Momma jokes without understanding the irony of it all. Also, do you think Jose's girlfriend's name was Anna McCarter or Anna "MC" Carter. I bet she dropped the dopest beats.
HATERS CAM KISS MY ASS
— OZZIE CANSECO (@twintower7264) March 22, 2012
I'm gonna be honest. I don't know exactly what Haters Cam is, but I think there's a million dollar idea in there somewhere. I call dibs on Copyright of Haters Cam (I'm like 35% sure that's how Copyrights work).
Unfortunately, Ozzie took quite a break from tweeting and only had like 15 tweets since March. Luckily, he came back this past weekend.
I AM 48 YEARS OLD NOW AND STRONGER THAN EVER !
— OZZIE CANSECO (@twintower7264) October 6, 2012
The website expiring on September 17 is the most Ozzie Canseco thing ever. Whoops, what I meant to say is that it is the most (IRON MAN) thing ever. Keep on keepin' on, (IRON MAN).
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