Tuesday, August 27, 2019

2019 WWE Brawl for All: Bo Dallas vs. Mojo Rawley

The first round continues with two big boys who know how to hit hard. Today, we settle whether it is more important to stay hyped or to bolieve in one's self.

Jonah’s #4 Bo Dallas vs. Joe’s #5 Mojo Rawley
Jonah: This is a fun matchup. I would have taken Mojo in the next round, he’s a big guy who has the football background for athleticism. You have to assume this would make him able to at least throw some good punches. Bo Dallas is a lot tougher than his booking would have you bolieve. He’s a big guy who doesn’t have show muscles, but is very strong. He also was back wrestling four months after suffering a lacerated kidney, he’s tough as nails. Mojo has the size and athleticism, but I think Dallas could withstand an early flurry and let Mojo gas himself out to win.


Joe: Uh, Jonah, apparently you’ve forgotten that Mojo Rawley does not get hyped. He STAYS hyped. You’d have better luck gassing out a Tesla. But I do think this is a bad matchup for Bo and a pretty good shot at the upset for Rawley. He’s bigger and a better athlete. Bo does have an amateur wrestling background, but he only qualified for state, in Florida, which ain’t exactly a hotbed for talent. Meanwhile, Mojo was getting D-I scholarship offers and punting balls 76 yards. And with Mojo’s personality, he has definitely gotten in some wild brawls in his day. I just think Mojo brings a little too much fire and fury for Bo to handle.


Jonah: I don’t know, I think Mojo’s hype meter has gone away since he’s a heel now and he trains with football player Jay Cutler. Bo’s a tough son of a gun, and if the fight is close he can always turn off the lights using Wyatt Family powers.


Joe: Why is Bo Dallas tough? Also, as far as I can tell, Bo Dallas has no affiliation with the Wyatt Family. He didn’t even wrestle against them in NXT. Where is this strange statement coming from? If he doesn’t have that, I don’t think he’s going to overcome the significant size and athleticism advantage that Mojo has.


Jonah: Bo Dallas is tough because he pretty much no sold a lacerated kidney. He came back in John Cena time from a serious injury. Mojo might also tire himself out between rounds with his constant thrusting. I honestly think this is pretty much a coin flip that could go either way, so you can choose. Also, Dallas has Wyatt powers and IRS powers.


Joe: Well, I decided to see how impressive it was for Bo Dallas to recover from a lacerated kidney in four months, and it turns out that it’s not impressive at all. The expected recovery time is six weeks, it takes him about three times as long to recover from something as an average human being. With that argument out of the way, Mojo hypes his way to the second round of this tournament through sheer volume of punches.


Jonah: Uggghhh fine, but I want it in the rules that Mojo has to thrust between rounds.

Monday, August 26, 2019

The WWE Is Ruining...The Miz

The Miz is an A-Lister, but the WWE does not seem to be treating him as such. He transitioned a successful movie career into his own reality television show, but still the WWE seems to be doing everything they can to ignore his greatness. I can’t believe that I’m not saying this facetiously, because The Miz figured out how to be pretty great.

Basically, The Miz is what Jon Moxley is trying to become. Neither guy is dynamite in the ring, but they are serviceable, but it’s the character that they bring that will help make them stars. Obviously, these characters diverge to go on very different paths, but they bring you in enough with their character work that you can overlook some sloppiness in the ring, because you are invested in the story. They’re both a little more old school in that way.

The Miz was one of the hottest acts they had last year, and then they put him with Shane McMahon. Usually, that lone is a death sentence, but The Miz actually found a way to get it over with the crowd, and he became beloved. Finally, Shane McMahon turned on The Miz, and The Miz got his revenge by losing cleanly...repeatedly.

In a match, there is a winner and a loser. At least I thought so. After doing this series, I am convinced that every match must be a fatal four-way, because I swear that there are three times as many losers as winners in WWE. Before a couple weeks ago against Dolph Ziggler, when do you think was the last time that The Miz got a win on TV that didn’t involve Elias? That would be March 5 against Jey Uso, and that was just to set him up to lose in the tag title match at Fastlane.

Luckily, there is an easy fix. Let him feud with someone important and give him time to build a feud. He made a Shane McMahon feud interesting, just imagine if he had someone talented to go up against. He’s also shown that he can be a heel or face, so it wouldn’t be that hard to transition him against anyone on the roster. I mean, would it really be that hard to put him in a World Title feud with either current champion?

The Miz is versatile enough to fill any role the WWE needs right now, but he deserves a better role than trying to get Shane McMahon over. Honestly, it may be time for some piddly feuds to build up to a Daniel Bryan match at WrestleMania. That would be giving the people what they want, so for WWE, I guess that means it would have to be at Takeover instead.

Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Akam

Ali
Alicia Fox
Andrade "Cien" Almas
Apollo Crews
Bayley
Big E
Big Show
Bo Dallas
Bobby Lashley
Bobby Roode
Braun Strowman
Brock Lesnar
Carmella
Chad Gable

Tuesday, August 20, 2019

The WWE Is Ruining... Elias

Elias should probably be a star. He has a good look, plenty of charisma, and immediately got over with his ability to write songs that insult the town that he is in. And instead, he’s in limbo, not even good enough to be Shane McMahon’s main cronie.

They have absolutely no direction for him as has been shown in how he has been used in the month of July. He just keeps teaming up with random people which include, Samoa Joe, Randy Orton, Sami Zayn, The Revival, and that doesn’t even include the people that I thought he was with, Shane McMahon and Drew McIntyre. He’s basically the WWE jester as he can go out, perform a song, get thrown out there with some random wrestlers, lose his match, and all of that turns into a giant pile of nothing.

Even with that, Elias is pretty good, surely, he must win about 50% of his matches, right? No, well at least 40%? 30%? 20%? No, Elias is currently 8-53 winning just 13.1% of the time. Elias loses almost 90% of his matches, so it’s pretty tough for even his most diehard fans to want to walk with Elias.

What he really needs is kind of what the WWE just did with Shinsuke Nakamura where they gave him a win over Finn Balor, but I just wish they would have done it better. Elias needs that big name win, and if it’s for a belt, that is even better. I think he has the potential to be a very good secondary champion. I mean, he’s not Kazuchika Okada in the ring, but he’s also not as bad as Dean Ambrose so if you put him in with top talent, he can put on good WWE-style matches.

This should be a fairly easy fix, because the fans are still giving him strong reactions and have started to enjoy being browbeaten for living in such crummy cities. I would like to see him come up with a cool catchphrase like, “This is the least fun city I’ve ever been in,” you know, something totally original like that. Then if he just started winning, it could really set something off where WWE has another legitimate superstar.

And everyone in the crowd will put on our New Balances and Walk With Elias.

Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Akam

Ali
Alicia Fox
Andrade "Cien" Almas
Apollo Crews
Bayley
Big E
Big Show
Bo Dallas
Bobby Lashley
Bobby Roode
Braun Strowman
Brock Lesnar
Carmella
Chad Gable

Monday, August 19, 2019

2019 WWE Brawl For All: Eric Bischoff vs. Oney Lorcan

Guys, I have been waiting four weeks to reveal my first pick, and I am so excited to do so. Let's get to it.

Joe’s #1 Eric Bischoff vs. Jonah’s #8 Oney Lorcan
Joe: Jonah clearly messed up by not taking the baddest man in the WWE and going with a big bad wrestler instead of a man who could kick somebody’s head off their shoulders. That’s right, with my first pick, I took Eric Bischoff, who Jonah did dispute for a while but allowed it since he is with Smackdown and not involved in any real storyline. This tournament was made for Bischoff as he would easily kick Lorcan’s head right off his shoulders. 


I mean, do I really need to say more, or can I stretch out his accolades until he needs them in round two?


Jonah: So slight problem here Joe, kicks aren’t allowed in Brawl For It All. If they were Steve Blackman would have won the first tournament with a total match time of 15 seconds instead of injuring himself. Bischoff is a legitimate martial artist so his striking is probably above average and surprisingly good for a guy who has portrayed a GM and an announcer. For fun’s sake I’d like to just give Bischoff a pass to get destroyed in the second round, but if we’re trying to do this semi realistically, I think legitimate tough guy Oney Lorcan would certainly give Bischoff a run for his money. There’s also the problem where I don’t know if Bischoff is good at the type of karate that looks cool but doesn’t do much in a real fight and the fact that he’s in his 60’s.


Joe: Jonah, Eric Bischoff is a little like Cro Cop. Where Cro Cop had a left leg and right leg, for Bischoff, it’s, “Punches, Hospital...Kicks, Morgue.” Thank God kicks aren’t allowed, because I really like Oney Lorcan, and I’m sure his family does too. 


And don’t discount karate, Bischoff is basically a rich man’s Lyoto Machida when it comes to the martial art. Bischoff may be a bit older, but I think he can use his guile to land quick strikes without taking damage.


Jonah: If he gets too cocky Lorcan definitely seems like the kind of guy who would take advantage of that and murder him.


Joe: The Oney way Lorcan wins is if he brings a gun. As far as I can tell, those are banned which makes Bischoff the easy winner, and in my eyes, the absolute favorite to win the whole thing.


Jonah: For pure insanity’s sake, sure Bischoff wins via points. He also runs out of the ring after the fight before Oney grabs him and murders him.

Tuesday, August 13, 2019

The WWE Is Ruining... Matt Hardy

The WWE excitedly signed The Hardy Boyz away from the Broken Universe and promptly turned them into their old characters that had gotten stale a decade earlier. After they had squashed any momentum they would have had going in, they did let Matt Hardy briefly resume the character that made him so popular in Impact Wrestling, but they then teamed him up with Bray Wyatt and let everything die out before there was any sort of big payoff.

And now he has continued to exist. The Hardy Boyz won the tag titles but they were stripped of those when Jeff was injured. So now it is a giant pile of nothing for Matt Hardy.

Usually, I would say that Hardy has had a good run, and the WWE should really focus on the younger talent they currently have on the roster, but due to a change from a couple months ago, the Broken Universe finally makes sense to blend with the WWE Universe.

That change is the 24/7 Title.

The 24/7 title can travel all around the world, in and out of the wrestling ring, and there is no better place for it to be defended than the Hardy Compound. Imagine the incredible opportunities that this would provide as the most ridiculous title needs the most ridiculous backdrop for it.

Let Hardy be the longest reigning champion as he continually beats challengers who come to the compound. Then, when R-Truth or Drake Maverick finally get the pin on Matt Hardy, it’s revealed that he hasn’t been the champion this whole time.

And then the WWE Universe can be introduced to King Maxel, their new 24/7 Champion.

WONDERFUL!

Monday, August 12, 2019

2019 WWE Brawl for All: Rezar vs. Luke Harper

Okay, so things have not exactly been going my way so far. Jonah is currently 3-0, so I'm still looking for my first win. Luckily, I have a man who loves so much about pain that he writes about it, while Jonah took a man that desperately needs to do a load of laundry.

Joe’s #2 Rezar vs. Jonah’s #7 Luke Harper
Joe: Rezar probably should have been my first pick, but since I had back-to-back picks, I went with a recent WWE signee that we will talk about later. But I’m kind of shocked that Jonah took Akam over Rezar since Rezar has a history in mixed martial arts where he was 6-2 as a professional. Luke Harper seems like a real cool guy, but this is basically Vince McMahon’s wet dream after Harper asked for his release since he will undoubtedly be taking an epic beatdown from Rezar.


Jonah: Rezar is a stud, this sucks for a first round matchup for Luke Harper who’s a big dude and went through insane hardcore matches so he can take a large amount of pain. Harper has a puncher’s chance, but Rezar should take this fight. I think Harper could survive this fight and not get knocked out, but Rezar will take it on points with takedowns at least.


Joe: Despite Harper’s size and athleticism, it’s just really tough to imagine a potent fighter underneath all of that. Vince McMahon will be grinning ear-to-ear as Rezar lays the hammer on Harper. He’ll make Luke puke.


Jonah: Sadly yes, Rezar is too much for Luke Harper who could have been a real dark horse if he got a better matchup.

1st Round
Akam vs. Curtis Axel
Jason Jordan vs. Shelton Benjamin

Heath Slater vs. No Way Jose

Tuesday, August 6, 2019

2019 WWE Brawl For All: Heath Slater vs. No Way Jose

The tournament continues on, and I have yet to have a winner in this thing despite having the earlier pick in the last round. Today, we get to see if a former Golden Gloves Boxing Champion has what it takes to beat up a dancer, and typing that sentence does not give me confidence for my pick.

Jonah’s #3 Heath Slater vs. Joe’s #6 No Way Jose
Jonah: Heath Slater is a former Golden Gloves champion. No Way Jose is a pretty big guy, seems like a pretty good athlete, but doesn’t have any amateur wrestling background or boxing or striking experience I can find. Jose has a puncher’s chance, but Slater is a successful trained boxer, I think he takes this one.


Joe: You gotta love Jose’s size and gas tank; I mean, it isn’t easy being in a conga line for that long. Yes, Slater has the advantage in boxing, but with Jose’s quick feet, can Slater cut off the ring to even land a punch? You got any endurance accolades for ol’ Heath, because otherwise, this could be a classic rope-a-dope situation.


Jonah: I mean he went through a Golden Gloves boxing tournament and is a one man band, that’s all endurance.


Joe: Although I think Jose gives him some issues with his footwork, he also seems easily distracted, so I’m going to have to concede victory here and give it to the One Man Band.


Jonah: 1MB all day.

1st Round
Akam vs. Curtis Axel
Jason Jordan vs. Shelton Benjamin

Monday, August 5, 2019

The WWE Is Ruining... Sarah Logan

I have a couple questions regarding Sarah Logan. Do you think she has won any matches on the main roster shows (I’m not counting Main Event as that’s barely above a house show)? I went through the list, and her last tag win was on August 20, 2018, so nearly a year ago since the last time she was victorious, and that was only because the WWE was setting up a larger storyline of Bayley and Sasha Banks breaking up, which they of course never followed through on.

But right now, with her not really winning a match for a year, and even when the Riott Squad first came up, they didn’t win all that often then either. In 2019, she’s 4-40 (this counts house shows), and 2018 wasn’t much better with a record of 11-81. With that much losing and now zero direction, why was Sarah Logan brought up?

And this is no knock on her. I think she has the talent to be on the main roster, but I could also see how some seasoning in NXT could have helped her cause. You would think the WWE could find more ways to utilize a former Juggalo Championship Wrestling tag team champion, but alas, that has not been the case.

So let’s keep her on the main roster, but I think it’s pretty obvious that her total lack of character and indistinguishable look means that she needs to be paired with someone. You could put her back with Liv Morgan in order to have a jobber tag team, but that doesn’t exactly get the ball rolling in the right direction.

So let’s have her join up with Alexa Bliss and Nikki Cross to become Alexa’s other friend. In this scenario, Alexa Bliss isn’t mean, she just never trusted her other friends and hurt them before they hurt her. Logan and Cross can assist Bliss in winning in the singles division while they go for tag team gold, because a team with cero miedo like Nikki Cross and Sarah Logan are legitimate contenders and actually something that I would want to see. It would also give Logan a chance to develop more of a character which would help her eventually become a distinct character instead of the sidekick role she has been stuck in so far. It’s a win-win for everybody involved.

I guess that means it will never actually happen. Oh well.