Monday, October 16, 2017

Defy 8 Was Great

A few months ago, my brother let me know that he had two front row tickets for an independent wrestling show in Seattle. I live in Clearwater, FL, nearly the furthest place possible from Seattle in the United States. I have NXT shows five minutes from my house. It makes zero sense for me to trek across the country to watch more professional wrestling. But I am a child, so I looked at flights, got approval from my wife, and booked my trip to the great northwest. Traveling that far may seem insane, but Defy 8 was well worth the trip.

So before I even knew who would be on the card, I booked the trip. But I really lucked into things, as an organization really couldn't have brought in a more ideal collection of stars at the top of the card for this event.

Shane Strickland - Also known as Killshot on Lucha Underground. He's pretty awesome, but since he is also the Defy Champion, I basically knew I could count on him being there for the event.

Jeff Cobb - Also known as "The Monster" Matanza Cueto on Lucha Underground. He's a former Olympian in Greco Roman Wrestling, which means he has stupid strength and can basically throw around anyone from any angle.

John Hennigan - Also known as Johnny Mundo on Lucha Underground. Also known as John Morrison from the WWE, and Johnny Nitro from WWE. Oh, and also he's the star of Boone: The Bounty Hunter which you should definitely buy from Wal-Mart or watch on Amazon Prime. And as an added bonus, that meant that Taya was there to wrestle as well.

Matt Riddle - Also known as Matthew Riddle when he was fighting in the UFC. This was weirdly the guy I was most excited to see despite him having the least notoriety of the big names. I had seen him one other time in Orlando, and it was an eye opening experience. He had me when he came out to Warren G's "Regulate" but his wrestling cemented himself as one of my favorite wrestlers out there.

Even in the matches that didn't feature names that I knew, there was still a lot of talent and some really fun wrestling from guys I had never heard of. I saw a sexually provocative wrestler, fat Aleister Black, ladies wrestling men, ladies taking suplexes on the damn stage, a giant wrestler who called himself The Giant Slayer which really didn't make sense until I saw the woman he was talking to after the show, and TWINS.

But the highlights were the two main events. In the match before intermission, John Hennigan took on Jeff Cobb. This kind of showed the beauty of pro wrestling. It wasn't a traditionally great pro wrestling match, but it was so much fun that it really didn't matter. They had some great spots in it, and they had the entire crowd entertained from start to finish. Jeff Cobb is out there throwing Hennigan around and doing back flips. Meanwhile, Hennigan is out there doing a backflip while mooning the crowd. Why did he do that? No idea, but I was laughing my ass off, because sometimes sophomoric humor just hits the right spot.

As fun as that match was, it still really couldn't compare to the main event with Shane Strickland defending his Defy Championship against Matt Riddle. It was one of the best matches I have ever seen in person. These guys just got after it, and the pace they set was unbelievable. On top of that, every single thing they did seemed to have bad intentions. I know pro wrestling is scripted, but I was totally lost in the moment as the thing felt like a fight. I had so much fun and was truly convinced on multiple occasions that the match would end. Strickland is awesome, and I believe any person on this Earth can enjoy a Matt Riddle match.

Does it help to be a pro wrestling fan to enjoy something like Defy 8? Sure. But shows like that are so much more than a pro wrestling show; it's just a damn show, and anybody can enjoy that.

Thursday, October 12, 2017

I Actually Found Someone Boycotting the NFL Because of National Anthem Protests

I officiated a wedding this past weekend, and maybe I'll get into the highlights of that experience later on, but ultimately, this was my biggest takeaway. I somehow found myself debating a woman about NFL players taking a knee during the National Anthem. It was both amazing and stupefying all at once.

It all started when I was actually having a pleasant conversation with some old broad that was somehow related to the bride or groom. Somehow, I mentioned that I was a Bears fan, and she asked, "Oh, are you still watching the NFL?"

The question made me pause, because why wouldn't I be watching the NFL? My second thought was, oh shit, is this lady more liberal than I am? Is she worried about the concussions and CTE that players are suffering? Maybe she's boycotting the fact that there are many players that sexually, mentally, and physically assault women. That would be another very good reason to boycott the NFL. Was it possible that this lady was more woke than I was?

I responded, "No, I'm still watching," and then she showed that she's an ignorant dumbass and said that her and her husband have stopped watching because of the flag protests. This caused a pivotal moment. I could excuse myself from the conversation and let her go on thinking that this is actually a reasonable stance, or I could stand and present what an intelligent person would reason. I knew that the former was the easy choice, but I just couldn't help myself, so I chose the latter, even though I knew that anyone with that stupid of an opinion was not going to be swayed by reason.

I never thought I would have this conversation as I generally avoid hanging in the same social circles as these folks. But just imagine this conversation in your head. It's fucking stupid, right? Well, trust me, it was even dumber in person. I'll just run through her talking points as well as my responses.

It's disrespectful to our troops.
No it's not. Since troops fight for our freedom, it is actually more respectful to kneel during the anthem as you are taking advantage of the freedom that they fought for. There are some troops that think you should stand for the national anthem; there are some who don't. Guess what? You could replace troops with literally any other occupation, and the sentence would still be accurate. It's okay to do shit that people don't agree with if you're not hurting anyone. Kneeling during the anthem doesn't hurt anyone.

They should be thankful since they are millionaires. 
They worked harder and were better than anyone else in an incredibly competitive field. They deserve their money. And I'm sure many are thankful for things, but that doesn't mean that they need to just smile and act nice because they came from little and managed to make successes of their lives. If anything, it should be the opposite.

Well, sports and politics shouldn't mix, so they should just be out there on the streets if they want to protest.
They have a platform; they are using it. This makes a far larger impact on their cause, because people are actually noticing. And more importantly, politics shouldn't be mixing with sports. The fact that conservatives are still trying to use Pat Tillman's death to prove their point is insane, because even he thought the Iraq War was bullshit, and I can just about guarantee that he would support the flag protests as he was a man who believed in freedom of speech.

They don't even know what they are protesting.
They are protesting police violence towards blacks. They definitely know what they are protesting (it was at this point that I had to refrain from calling a spade a spade and flat out calling this lady a racist).

They should actually try to do something instead of just protesting.
Uh, they are. I then gave multiple examples of players helping in their community (Michael Bennett, Marcus Peters, and yes, even Colin Kaepernick), but, of course, she didn't know any of these things, because she lives in a small bubble where it is easy to avoid the truth and only find other people that agree with your own opinion.

Well, if I had a son that came home in a box, I wouldn't want to see them kneeling.
You have boycotted the NFL, because of a hypothetical you were able to imagine. Congratulations, you played yourself.

This conversation was painfully long, but I just couldn't let someone get away with thinking this sort of bullshit was acceptable behavior. I knew I wasn't going to change her opinion, but I'm happy that I at least took a moment to call her out and make her question her idiocy. Sometimes that's good enough.

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Is New York City the Greatest City on Earth?

I went to New York City for the first time a couple weeks ago. Even though it was a work trip, I did get some time to explore. So I set out to check out as much as I could and give New York City a review. I didn’t have access to the vehicle, so I didn’t make it real far, but let’s face it, when people talk about New York, they are talking about Manhattan, and that is the place I spent nearly all of my time. Here are the highlights, starting with the sights, and following with the experiences.

Sights
Queens Boulevard
I saw a sign for Queens Boulevard and had to hold in my laughter. If you didn’t watch Entourage (good for you), you will not understand the pure comedy of seeing a sign for Queens Boulevard. But for those of you that suffered through all of that show, “Are you kidding me? I am Queens Boulevard.” That’s why Vinnie Chase was a movie star.

Statue of Liberty
Almost as impressive is the Statue of Liberty. It’s pretty cool that they have a replica of the one in Las Vegas right here in New York City. During the day, the Statue of Liberty is pretty blah, but it is pretty cool when it’s lit up at night.

Times Square
Man, I really just did not care about Times Square. I mean, it’s good that I got to see it, but I didn’t care going in, and I didn’t care going out. My full review: It’s quite bright.

9/11 Memorial
I checked out the fountains, and they were cool. Is it bad to say they were cool? I guess this was one of those things where I would have had more of an emotional connection had I seen the area before. But since it was my first time, it was just natural that they had this there. I obviously know the history, but I think it is much more powerful for a native than a tourist.

Grand Central Station
This is a famous place that is shown in movies. It is also a damn fortress that you will never escape. Every sign just points you to more trains. I didn’t want more trains, I wanted to get outside. My advice is to just keep going up until you luck into an exit or a roof.

Experiences
The Subway
My first Subway trip was awesome. We were nuts to butts in every car. I got intimate with many people that I will never see again. The smell was not great, and I kept my hand on my wallet the entire time. Great experience.

Street Performers
I have heard that some street performers put on really great shows. The street performers I saw put on a very shitty show. They said they were going to jump over like 10 people, but they ended up jumping over three. A huge buildup with a massive letdown. Do not trust people who say they are going to jump over 10 people; they will only let you down.

Watching Iowa Game
Watched the Iowa game at an Iowa bar in Manhattan. It was a lot of fun from start to fini…right before the finish. Still, I ate a big ass turkey leg and drank a bunch of cheap beer. Those are good things to do when watching football.

Running – Day 1
So when I was running for my first time in the city, I was still paying for the sins of the night before. I did not feel great, and I was very slow compared to my normal pace. Still, I pushed myself over the Brooklyn Bridge and into Brooklyn before turning around for a nice little five mile run. The Brooklyn Bridge was a very enjoyable place to run as I had the sunrise on one side and the Statue of Liberty on the other. Also, quite a few people were around so I never got lonely, and I couldn’t stop and look like a sissy. I will say that I was pleasantly surprised with the running options in the city.

Drinking at a Fancy Bar
Night two I went to Stone Street and had an Old Fashioned at this fancy whiskey bar. It was delicious, made all the sweeter by the fact that I didn’t have to pay for it. I highly recommend going to nice places, having good drinks and not paying.

Running – Day 2
New Yorkers often talk about how tough they are, and if you can make it in New York, you can make it anywhere. What I found is that they are massive cowards. My Day 2 run was at 4:45, and I saw a decent amount of people out at that time. Not a ton, but some, and all but one single girl were cowards. I would give them a runner’s wave as I went by, but everybody put their heads down and refused to make eye contact with me. What a bunch of ninnies. I mean, for a place that talks about how tough they are, I wasn’t very impressed, as they seemed to be intimidated by my “Buff Daddy” shirt from Bodybuilding.com.

Ordering Pizza
Speaking of toughness, the toughest thing in New York City is understanding people. I do not speak New Yorkian. I mean, I could not understand shit when natives were talking. Why do they talk like that? These people might make it in New York, but if they talked with a funny accent in small town Iowa, I guarantee that they would not make it there. I also heard a lot about how New Yorkers always get in fights, and I’m pretty sure that 90% of those are started because nobody can understand each other. Oh yeah, I got some pizza, and it was good. It wasn’t as good as pizza places in Iowa, and it wasn’t as good as the pizza place I go to in Florida. I sure hope they don’t brag about that stuff.
And that was my New York City experience. Is New York City the greatest city on Earth? No, and it’s not particularly close. I mean, it’s pretty cool, but there are plenty of places I could enjoy more. It’s a B+ city. I enjoyed my time there, but I won’t be heartbroken if I never make it back.

I EH 
NY

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

The Cubs Will Win the 2017 World Series

It's pretty clear that the Chicago Cubs have been a bit of a disappointment in 2017. Going into the year, people really couldn't come up with reasons why they wouldn't come close to last year's 103 wins, because nearly the entire squad was coming back, and they were going to get a full year of World Series hero, Kyle Schwarber. Things really couldn't get much brighter for the North Siders.

But then they actually had to play baseball, and the Cubs have just been putzing along all season. They've finally given themselves a little distance over the Brewers and Cardinals, enough where I feel confident penciling them into the playoffs. And once that happens? Well, anything can happen, and that is why the Chicago Cubs are definitely going to win the 2017 World Series.

Now there are some great teams that are competing this year. The Dodgers set a record pace early on in the year, and even though they faded, they are still having an incredible year. The Nationals have one of the most terrifying rotations that the world has ever seen. Then over in the American League, the Cleveland Indians just set a record for most wins in a row, and there are a whole lot of similarities between this year's Astros and last year's Cubs.

Doesn't matter; Cubs will win it all.

Now if you want intelligent analysis as to why the Cubs are going to win, you're going to have to go somewhere else. I'm not providing facts and figures, because there isn't a good argument that will be supported by facts. No, the facts can be tossed aside. The Cubs are a team of destiny.

The Cubs are destined to be the most hated team in baseball, and there is no quicker path to that than winning a second World Series Title in a row when they are clearly not the best team in baseball. The Cubs will become the new Red Sox, a team that went from being easy to root for to easily despised in the span of just a few years. I mean, let's face it, the Cubs frat boy fan base is already pretty hateable, and I say this as a Cubs fan.

Cubs fans are only going to get more insufferable, and the Cubs are just going to keep winning. It's not logical; it's just destiny.

Monday, September 18, 2017

Maybe I Should Start a Travel Blog

As loyal readers know, the output these last couple months have been pathetic at best. Honestly, I don't even deserve to call myself a Blogger with my recent performance. Thank God I'm married as Blogger was basically my only way to pick up chicks at the club. The only thing I've even posted this month before yesterday was a sponsored post, whaddup $40! But I didn't get into blogging for the money or the chicks; I did it for the love of the game. That is why I need to explain my (lack of) actions.

Basically, I've just been traveling a ton lately. That's it. Nothing too exciting, just general exhaustion from constantly traveling and not having the grit to still get it done while on a plane, train, or automobile. Over the last seven weeks, I went to Chicago, Iowa, Chicago again, Salt Lake City, Jacksonville, Delaware, Philadelphia, survived Hurricane Irma, and finally just chilled this weekend. Over the next few weeks, I'm going to New York, Seattle, Savannah, and Palo Alto. Then I think (hope) that I can get a couple weekends to just chill at home. But because of all of that travel, the blog has taken a back seat, and for that I apologize.

But I still figure I should get some content out of all of those trips, so let's do quick reviews of every place that I visited.

Chicago - This was for a work trip, and I actually stayed in Wheeling, Illinois, which is a good 45 minutes from the city. Therefore, I did not have time to go into the city. As for Wheeling, they have a really nice bike trail right along the river, but that was flooded, so don't go to Wheeling.

Iowa - Hometown visit to see the family. Parents are good, and Grandma is complaining about too many old people at the nursing home. I also had Harris Pizza, so this was probably my second favorite trip.

Chicago - Again for work, and again not in Chicago, as we were way out in Itasca, Illinois. Itasca sucks. They don't have sidewalks near where we stayed, so I was running against highway traffic. I can barely remember anything from the area; I just remember it sucking.

Salt Lake City - Salt Lake City was awesome. Good food, watched some baseball, and did some really awesome hiking. We even got within about 30 feet of a damn moose, which was slightly terrifying at the time, because he was about ten times my size, but after he left, it was pretty damn cool. You should go to Salt Lake City; just don't go there for the beer.

Jacksonville - Visited friends, went to a few breweries, hung out with the dog. I really can't argue with that.

Delaware - Visited my wife's siblings. Drank some beers, played some laser tag, and watched Iowa beat Wyoming on my phone, that's pretty much all I need in a weekend.

Philadelphia - We were here for like 12 hours. I saw the Liberty Bell and ate two cheesesteaks. One was very good, one was not very good. I don't think I need to go back to Philadelphia again.

Hurricane Irma - We only lost power for two days and didn't suffer any damage to our house, so I've certainly got no complaints.

Weekend at Home (no hurricane version) - After all that travel, this weekend definitely hit the spot.

Sunday, September 17, 2017

NFL Thoughts Going Into Week Two

Since I have been away from the blog for a while, I have not been able to share my suepr intelligence when it comes to NFL Football. I want to remedy that now to make you a smarter football fan.

Because of time missed, you did not get my fantasy football advice that Ezekiel Elliott would provide good value, Tyreek Hill would have a breakout, but I didn't like him as much as Allen Robinson (whoopsies), and DeAndre Hopkins might provide first round value yet again (jury's still out on that one). I also loved the Chiefs Defense more than anything, and even without Eric Berry, they'll still be really good, because they are going to have a great pass rush again, and Dave Toub always creates opportunities for special teams. My second favorite defense was the Eagles, because that defensive line is set to destroy the world this year.

Also, every year, it seems there is one guy that I want to add early in the season but don't quite have the roster space, and this year that man is Tarik Cohen. Last year it was Jordan Howard, as I was super high on both of them, but I just couldn't pull the trigger, and now I'm standing here, looking like an idiot with my pud in my hand. Also, I swear it's not always a Bears running back, as I was always way down on Jeremy Langford.

I also didn't get time to brag about how I was on the Mitch Trubisky bandwagon before everyone else. Seriously, can we just rewind to see my thoughts with these three posts professing my love for Trubisky before, during, and after the draft.

Breaking Down the Quarterbacks of the 2017 Draft
Who Should the Bears Draft at #3?
Why the Chicago Bears Traded So Much for Mitch Trubisky

Also, people are really trying to jump to conclusions after one week of football. The Giants offense is not going to be as bad as they looked in week one, the Falcons are still really good, even if they did struggle with the Bears, the Seahawks will be fine, and the only thing that is correct is that the Patriots Dynasty is over, and they'll be lucky to avoid last place this season. That one is definitely happening.

But most importantly, will the Bears please start Mitch Trubisky's Hall of Fame career already? I need this.

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Important Things to Remember When You Are Preparing for Draft Football Fantasy

For the seasoned players and the newbies in DRAFT football fantasy, one of the most challenging aspects of getting into the league is the draft. Many players are intimidated by indecisions about selecting the right participants correctly. Sometimes the fear of making a stupid blunder and becoming the laughing stock of the season is even more intimidating to other fans.
But the solution for the challenges and fears is simple: you need to make proper preparations for the season by carrying out ample research. It will be easier for you to carry out your plan confidently and execute your moves without fear if you are better prepared. Just like with any other life activity, without adequate preparation, execution becomes a problem.
To get you ready for the 2017 season, this article aims to give you tips on the importance of preparation, when and how you need to do that, and the reasons why it is sensible to prepare by researching.
Get to Know the Players Well
Preparation for the draft is a very critical element of fantasy football. You can only make better decisions confidently if your knowledge of the players you intend to draft is wide. It is quite frustrating to get into this phase of the game if you are not fully prepared, but if you have carried out your research, you will obviously know which players to avoid completely, the ones you wish to draft, and in which order you want them to appear.
Preparation and Research Timing
It is essential to time your preparation and research for the draft phase well. There are several pre-season events that might make the value of a layer shaky and fluid, and so you should not start too early. Likewise, it is not a good idea to wait until the last or dying weeks because this might force you to cram a lot of information as well as trying to deal with other demanding pressures of your daily life. It is best to begin at least a month earlier. If you want to take part in the NFL season, it would be wise for you to start your draft in mid-August because the season begins on the first September weekend. Your preparation should, therefore, start in late July.
With the timing suggested in this article, you will have adequate time to know about the status of the off season injuries, you will know the signing of free agents, and any other major issues linked to the teams.
The Research Process
There are three steps that many gurus of fantasy football have consistently tried and tested successfully. First start by regularly reading or watching all sources of news associated with ESPN or NFL. It will keep you posted about the league’s high-profile players. You should be on the lookout for important news from any sources.
Next you need to come up with at least 5 cheat sheets for the draft listing all available and relevant players according to their current NFL season’s positions. Check for the information from any free fantasy football website. The cheat sheet you pick should be relevant to the specific rules of the league – PPR, IDP or standard scoring format. Lastly, sit back and enjoy a preview of you mock draft.

Sunday, September 10, 2017

Why I Chose To Stay In Florida During Hurricane Irma

I live in Clearwater, Florida, and tonight, I am going to experience my first hurricane when Irma rolls into town. Even though I stayed, it no way means that I am brave, and it also doesn't mean that I'm a dumbass. I just made the logical choice.

As a native Iowan, I never really had to worry about hurricanes, but I did once have a tornado roll right by my apartment complex during college. I was too drunk to really care about it, so it didn't greatly scare me, but considering that we experienced 155 MPH winds, I'm at least prepared for the winds of a hurricane. Tornadoes are far less stressful, and not just because their size is nowhere near a hurricane; it's mostly that a tornado pops up, runs through your area in the next couple hours, and then it's over. A hurricane is the slowest natural disaster imaginable, as we have known about Irma coming for a full week. It is just so damn slow

With that (lack of) speed, things have had so much time to change. It was going to get slowed down in the Caribbean when it hit Cuba and Puerto Rico. Then it was going to just rise up the east coast where we'd be on the outer range. Then it was going straight up the middle, and finally, in worst case scenario, it is now coming up the west coast. That's bad for me, but the whole leadup led to an awkward situation. By wishing for it to not hit me, it meant that I was wishing other people harm. Would I have preferred that it went somewhere else? Of course, that would have been a preferable outcome for me, but even in less than ideal outcome, I'm likely going to be fine.

This leads to the next question: Should I have evacuated? Even knowing what I know now, I still feel good about my decision to stay during the storm. My plan was always to stay unless I received a mandatory evacuation notice. Although Zones A&B did receive the mandatory evacuations, I'm in Zone C, which means that I am good to stay. Would it have been safer for me to go? Yeah, getting out of the way of a hurricane is safer than staying in the way, but I am tucked away in a neighborhood so I should be fairly blocked off from debris, and I'm in the best possible area to avoid flooding. I'm prepared if our house ends up sustaining some damage, and I'm prepared to lose power for a few days if it ends up coming to that, but physically, I feel as if I'm about as safe as taking a flight. Sure, something incredibly weird could happen, but the risk is so slight that I am in no way putting my life in danger.

Overall, I haven't been too worried throughout the process. When I took my lunch to pickup some bottled water last Tuesday, and there was nothing to be found at Sam's Club or Publix, I didn't really worry, I just picked up some Gatorade and figured I'd be good. When I heard that gas stations all across the state were running out of gas, I wasn't too concerned, because I didn't think I'd have to evacuate. When they started announcing evacuations in my area, I didn't really concern myself, because those were coastal areas, and of course they were going to need to evacuate. Even driving through town Saturday and realizing that everything was closed, I wasn't really worried, it just meant that I could go 100 on the highway, because what cop would pull somebody over for speeding when there is a hurricane coming (Also, there was a brewery open over in Tampa, so grabbing a beer with the wife and dog seemed like a good way to celebrate Iowa's victory).

I would say the most concerned I got was when my friends texted me in a group chat to tell me that I should evacuate. My friends are not concerned people; they're idiots, and that's why we get along so well, so it was a tad unnerving that these guys were actually worried about my safety.

But when I balanced everything out, it made sense for me to stay. The most likely outcome is still that everything will be totally fine, maybe lose power for a while. I could sustain some house damage, and I could be without power for days, but I'm prepared for either situation. We've got a safe spot tucked away in the middle of the house where physically, we'll be fine, although the dog may be freaking out a bit. She's always a spaz, so I think we can handle that.

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Sable Is The Least Sexy Woman In WWE History

Sable had big boobs. I know that may be a weird first sentence to start out a post, but I believe it sums up almost all of the fascination with Sable. She had big boobs. She was also blonde, and although she was pretty, it's not like she stood out (I'm a Sunny guy myself, although even I can't argue that Sable hasn't aged better), especially once wrestling got introduced to women like Torrie Wilson and Stacy Keibler.

Still, Sable was in the right place at the right time with the right boobs to become one of the most popular women in wrestling history. It's honestly impressive as due to her lack of charisma and rhythm, any time she spoke or moved, it immediately turned down her sex appeal. That's why she was perfect for Playboy. Just getting posed, not moving, not saying anything, it was Playboy's best selling issue in over a decade.

Unfortunately, the WWE required her to speak and to move. She actually had a decent catchphrase where she ended all of her promos with, "This is for the men that come to see me, and the women that want to be me." Listen, I know it's not great, but unlike most things Sable, it wasn't awful.

But let's focus on what happened after that phrase. That is when she introduces us to "The Grind." Remember how I mentioned she had no rhythm? Well, this is all the proof you need:
What...what is that?

I'll admit, when I first watched this, I just kind of felt bad for her. There is no way that movement is comfortable for her, as it pains me just to watch it. Eventually, I got over that uncomfortable feeling and learned to enjoy it. I know the hips are mesmerizing, but the facial expressions are nearly as good. You not only get a chance to see her "Oh" face, but afterwards you also get a sly smile that is just full of self-satisfaction. I was more turned on by Mae Young giving birth to a hand than I am by "The Grind."

If Shakira's hips don't lie, I'm pretty sure Sable's have never told the truth. Imagine having to deal with "The Grind" every day. No wonder Brock Lesnar is so angry. 

Monday, August 7, 2017

I Can No Longer Judge Women

There are positives and negatives to getting older. The negative is obvious in that my body has peaked, and now I'm on the downhill of that athletic peak. I'm doing my best to slow my trip down that hill, but there's no way of stopping it. The positives seem to outweigh that at this point in that I can do what I want, and I'm confident enough in myself to never really worry about what others think. I'm probably smarter now in that I read so many books that I stay a little too woke. I'm able to do this because I'm married, so I no longer need to give a lot of brain power to the opposite sex. In fact, I give so little brain power to women that I can no longer judge them on a surface level.

It's odd, because I used to not only judge women with reckless abandon, but I enjoyed the snap judgment of a woman's value based off nothing more than a glance. The Attitude Era of wrestling was great for me, because I got to see a lot of women with large breasts showing copious amounts of cleavage. I used to watch shitty TV shows just to see hot chicks. I mean, I watched Unhappily Ever After, a show with a talking bunny, just to check out Nikki Cox. And looking up that show, I realized I also watched the show, Pensacola: Wings of Gold to check out hot chicks too. I can guarantee that show sucked ass, but that just goes to show you what a little pervert I was back in the day.

But now, I simply can't judge women's looks. It's not for lack of trying, because I will stare down women, but I genuinely can't figure it out. I look at a woman, and I go through these thoughts, "Is she hot? Eh, probably not...but maybe," and that's where it almost always ends. I probably look like a damn creep, because I stare way harder, but it's all just curiosity, as I have no interest in bedding these women.

And I realize this is sexist behavior. Like, why does it matter how attractive a person is? It shouldn't at all, but I have spent my entire life objectifying women; it's not like I can just stop now. It's just now I can't come to a conclusion.

This is probably good as I can't give value to someone's looks if I am unable to judge them, but it's bad in that I continue to gawk at people like a creep. Luckily, I was never that impressive of a person to begin with, so it's not like it's going to make a significant difference in what people think about me. I just hope they are able to overcome what I cannot and judge me for my looks instead of my (lack of) character.

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

My Mid-Life Crisis

Mid-life crises are always something that made me laugh. Like, what, one day, you realized you were old and needed to get yourself a shitty convertible? That's super sad and unnecessary, especially since convertibles are highly overrated. I was pretty positive that I'd never need to worry about a mid-life crisis of my own, because I don't really care about stuff so there's no big spending spree that I am going to go on. Unfortunately, this past week, I realized that, at the tender age of 32, I might be in the midst of my own mid-life crisis.

Although my crisis does not involve any extravagant purchase. It does involve a couple small purchases, and those couple purchases could turn to a few, could turn to many, could turn to a ridiculous amount of purchases. 

My mid-life crisis is short shorts.

It started a few years ago when I got rid of my basketball shorts and went to shorts at the knee instead of below the knee. Then the shorts went above the knee. Recently, I started folding the waistband over so the shorts raised up just a bit higher on my leg as I found it more comfortable to run since things didn't bounce around in my pockets as much. It was all logical so I didn't see a problem.

It got bad when I found this pair of Puma shorts. This pair was real short, basically the length of boxers. In fact, I wasn't totally sure whether they were boxers or shorts. Like, they seemed like shorts, because they had pockets and a drawstring, but they also had a button for pee hole, and I have never had that on any of my shorts before. Still, they were short shorts, and they had pockets, so I proudly wore them around despite the fact that it made my family uncomfortable. I thought that I wasn't the problem, and they were just jealous that I had such a great pair of legs.

Things only got worse from there. I used to make fun of people who wore those uncomfortably short running shorts. The reason being that if your legs are so weak that they can't fight through a bit of extra fabric, then you've got bigger issues than trying to beat your best mile time. Those guys were the biggest tools on the planet. This past weekend, I found a pair of super short running shorts. These shorts are shorter than any pair of shorts that my wife owns. I knew it was a bad idea, but I also knew that I would love them. So I made the purchase.

The next day I decided to give them a try. Since I have a small waist, I go with a size small shorts to ensure they hug my lower body in all the right places. That next morning they almost seemed shorter than before.  But I was all in, and nothing was going to make me turn back. I ripped off the tags and noticed something that almost made me turn back. Right on the original tag, there it was, "Ladies." My heart sank. Was I really going to wear lady shorts to go running? not only that, but ladies size small shorts. I hemmed, I hawed, and then I said fuck it, let's do this shit. 

I went running in tiny lady shorts, and it was GLORIOUS. I felt lighter on my feet, and I loved looking down to see my gorgeous legs almost fully exposed with each passing step. It had a nice little zip up pocket in the back where I was able to put my key and iPod. Overall, it was just an incredible experience, and I look forward to more adventures in my teeny, tiny shorts. I know it's weird; I know it will make others uncomfortable, but I can't help the way I feel. I love short shorts.

So, ladies, watch out. Not only will you see me flashing some major leg, but if you've got your eyes on the last pair of hot pink shorts at the store, you better be quick, because this mid-life crisis shows no signs of slowing down.

Monday, July 31, 2017

A Spambot Wrote Something Better Than Shakespeare

You know the phrase, if you gave an infinite amount of monkeys an infinite amount of typewriters, eventually, they would recreate the works of Shakespeare. Well, this theory has now been tested in real life, as there are basically infinite spambots posting to infinite websites, and one of these has not only matched Shakespeare, but have far exceeded his works in just one single post. A spambot under the name of Judith Leighton produced this masterpiece that is so beautiful that I have to break it down line by line.

FOOTBALL
What a hook. I like football, so now I must read more. But at this point, if you think you have any idea where this is going, oh man, let me assure you that you have absolutely no idea.

Football is about the several major video game titles trialled around The united states involving NBA 
The beauty of this entire post is that it almost makes sense. Like, upon first read, you're kind of thinking that you read it wrong, but then you read it again, and it is most definitely the fault of the writer, in this case, a Spambot. Like football has video games, and it is around the United States, and it kind of involves basketball, because look at successful tight ends like Jimmy Graham and Antonio Gates. 

The game of basketball, NHL Handbags together with MLB Hockey.
The game of basketball being summed up as NHL Handbags combined with MLB Hockey may be the greatest diss a sport has ever received. It's not real NHL, it's handbag NHL, aka lady NHL, which is a bit sexist. And combining that with major league baseball players participating in hockey.

Your Country wide Footballing Category (NFL) is a specialized North american hockey group in addition to it’s made from thirty-two matchups.
And this is where shit goes off the rails. I really want to start referring to the NFL as "your countrywide footballing category." NFL players really are just a specialized hockey group; can't argue with that.

There are actually two people inside AMERICAN FOOTBAL,
God, I am so excited for you to find out the two people inside American football.

Indigenous Football Summit in addition to Us Little league Summit.
Ah yes, the famous two people, Indigenous Football and Little League Summit. You can't talk pigskin without bringing up these two, battling it out on the court, working to score a goal in the other's home plate purse. Beautiful stuff.

Right now sports is normally the most used activity in north america. The whole number of people of which joined in NFL mmorpgs with 2015 can be 19, 510, 312.
The first sentence shows that Judith clearly knows her sports. It is normally the most used activity. Abnormally, it will not be. But that second sentence has been the one that has really perplexed me. The number of people in the NFL can be 19, 510, or 312. Those are certainly all numbers, but outside of 19 being Joe Montana's number on the Kansas City Chiefs, I cannot think of any significance in the others. I looked up career interception and touchdown leaders, and it's close, but not quite right. Much like Shakespeare, it is impossible to fully understand everything.

Super Run will be the most-watched television plans around National history.
Well, this is something we can all agree on as I am already anticipating the next Super Run. It showed that she's a true sports observer and was the perfect way to end her post. Thank you, Judith Leighton, for trying to get me to click on weird internet sites and using a really bad translator system to do it. I appreciate everything about your post. And for my readers, here is that post in its entirety.

FOOTBALL Football is about the several major video game titles trialled around The united states involving NBA The game of basketball, NHL Handbags together with MLB Hockey. Your Country wide Footballing Category (NFL) is a specialized North american hockey group in addition to it’s made from thirty-two matchups. There are actually two people inside AMERICAN FOOTBAL, Indigenous Football Summit in addition to Us Little league Summit.
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Right now sports is normally the most used activity in north america. The whole number of people of which joined in NFL mmorpgs with 2015 can be 19, 510, 312. Super Run will be the most-watched television plans around National history.

Thursday, July 6, 2017

Mark Perry and the Changing Arms Race in College Wrestling

It's now been a couple months since Iowa brought Mark Perry back to the school where he wrestled to head up the Hawkeye Wrestling Club. This club is for guys training for international freestyle competition, but its impact already appears as if it will reach far beyond that. The Hawkeye Wrestling Club bringing on Perry may seem like just one extra guy to help out, but it is actually just the first domino in what will help Iowa lead in college wrestling's arms race.

The University of Iowa wrestling team and the Hawkeye Wrestling Club are two distinct entities. They don't even train the same style of wrestling as the Iowa Hawkeyes wrestle folkstyle and the HWC wrestles freestyle. That being said, there is only one wrestling room where these two train, and folkstyle and freestyle isn't that different where the two sides can't help each other out.

Although Perry isn't a coach for the Iowa Hawkeyes, he's still going to be in the room, and he's still going to be helping guys out, even if he isn't on the side of the mat during their matches. Perry was also known as a strong recruiter when coaching college, and even though he can't directly recruit high school wrestlers, he can still be an influential force when they visit campus. He's already helped out in convincing Justin Mejia to commit to Iowa after things fell through with his commitment to Illinois.

The University of Iowa wrestling team is taking full advantage of having another team training for freestyle. The HWC now boasts an impressive collection of talent. They have former Hawkeyes, Nathan Burak, Bobby Telford, Matt McDonough, Dan Dennis, Sammy Brooks, Alex Meyer, and World Team Member, Thomas Gilman. They have also added Nick and Chris Dardanes as well as former NCAA Champion, Jesse Delgado. That last one is the most interesting as it is the earliest benefit of bringing on Perry as Delgado was coached by Perry when he was an assistant at the University of Illinois. With that collection of talent, the lower weights are stacked, the upper weights are in good shape, and the middle weights are solid right now. And speaking of those middle weights, there is a good chance that Isaiah Martinez, a guy who has the chance to be a three-time NCAA Champion this year, comes to the HWC after graduating because of his relationship with Perry. It has the potential to be a ridiculous amount of talent in that wrestling room.

But Iowa isn't alone in this. The elephant in every wrestling room is Penn State, and they're building a formidable group of guys that were formerly coached in college by Cael Sanderson. Ohio State, Oklahoma State, and Nebraska all have brought on a lot of talent with their freestyle wrestling clubs that have benefited the university teams.

In wrestling, there is a limited amount of scholarship money you can hand out to strengthen your team. By having a wrestling club, you are bringing more talent into the room to help your team grow. Iron sharpens iron, and with the Hawkeye Wrestling Club, the University of Iowa has a whole lot more iron at its disposal to help sharpen their wrestling team. 

Monday, July 3, 2017

Reviewing my Fantasy Baseball Sleepers for 2017

Before the season began, I found a guy from each team that I thought would exceed expectations this year. You may be surprised by this, but I did not get them all right. Still, I did get some right, so it's time to go over my successes and failures to see if I'm a genius, or one of those guys that only gets called genius sarcastically. Let's break it down division by division.

AL East: 2-3
Baltimore Orioles - Dylan Bundy
His ERA and record are both respectable, but all of the underlying stats say that things are going to continue to go downhill for him after a strong start. He's been fine, but my lack of confidence in his future makes me mark this down as a loss.

Boston Red Sox - Eduardo Rodriguez
When he's been in, he's been pretty solid. He had a knee injury, but should be back from that soon. Not spectacular, but a solid late round contribution from the guy, so I think it's enough to mark this down as a victory.

New York Yankees - Gary Sanchez
He's a stud catcher that was worthy of reaching early, especially as he gets more playing time in the second half. I know it hasn't been phenomenal yet, but it's still been pretty great.

Tampa Bay Rays - Jake Odorizzi
Odorizzi has been blah, which means I've got to say, "Nah."

Toronto Blue Jays - Troy Tulowitzki
Stick a fork in him; he's done.

AL Central: 2-3
Chicago White Sox - Tim Anderson
Yeah, he hasn't been good at all, but he's kept his job, so at least he's gotten plenty of chances to be incompetent.

Cleveland Indians - Cody Allen
He was rated too low for what would be a good closer. He has been a good closer. That's good enough.

Detroit Tigers - Justin Upton
Justin Upton has been pretty damn good this year. Nice job, Justin Upton.

Kansas City Royals - Jorge Soler
Fun fact: I will draft Jorge Soler for at least the next five years, based solely on Joe Maddon once calling him Vladimir Guerrero with more plate discipline. I thought it was an outrageous comment then, but I still can't get it out of my head. This will ruin me for years to come.

Minnesota Twins - Byron Buxton
He was historically bad to start the year, but at least he's improved to just bad at this point in the year.

AL West: 2-3
Houston Astros - Lance McCullers
Outside of a little injury trouble, McCullers has been a stud, so this one makes me look really smart.

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim - Ben Revere
With the Mike Trout injury, he has had a decent amount of playing time. He has not been good in that playing time.

Oakland Athletics - Marcus Semien
Got hurt; has barely played. I'd still recommend snagging him when he comes off the DL if you need some middle infield help.

Seattle Mariners - Mike Zunino
Zunino still doesn't have a great average, but it's not awful, and he's producing solid power. He's a respectable catching option that you could have gotten at the very end of the draft, so I feel pretty good about this one.

Texas Rangers - Nomar Mazara
Mazara has basically been doing exactly what he did last year, which is not what I was hoping for from him, so even though he's been okay, I expected more than okay.

NL East: 1-4
Atlanta Braves - Brandon Phillips
Still providing a nice average with some decent counting stats, just as I predicted. Nice work, Mr. Phillips.

Miami Marlins - Adam Conley
He's been bad. Total bust. I really hope you didn't listen to me on this one.

New York Mets - Travis d'Arnaud
Travis d'Arnaud hasn't been too bad, but I also don't think he's been good enough to be a reliable starting catcher on fantasy teams, so I'd have to mark this as a loss.

Philadelphia Phillies - Aaron Nola
Aaron Nola had to be special for this one to pay off. Aaron Nola has not been special.

Washington Nationals - Shawn Kelley
Like, right after I wrote this, word came down that Kelley was unlikely to be the closer. And he's just been awful this year, so this may be my worst pick out of all 30.

NL Central2-3
Chicago Cubs - Jason Heyward
Well, he's better than last year, but that's not saying much, so I can't take any credit on this one.

Cincinnati Reds - Devin Mesoraco
For a catcher, he hasn't really been bad, but he also hasn't played enough to make an actual impact. Nobody is actually going to carry Mesoraco on their fantasy team and call it a success, so that makes it a failure.

Milwaukee Brewers - Keon Broxton 
The average isn't strong, but I wouldn't have expected it to be. But considering that he is in the teens for both home runs and stolen bases already, this one is definitely a win.

Pittsburgh Pirates - Tyler Glasnow
2-6 record with an ERA over 7.00. Yeah, not my best work.

St. Louis Cardinals - Kolten Wong
The counting stats aren't great, but he's hitting over .300, and when he gets healthy, he'll start racking up enough counting stats to be relevant, so I'm counting this as a win.

NL West: 1-4
Arizona Diamondbacks - Robbie Ray
Hell yeah, Robbie Ray is striking out fools and keeping a good ERA in a hitter's park. Robbie Ray is the man.

Colorado Rockies - Jonathan Gray
He's barely pitched this year, but the early results are promising. Still, he's barely pitched this year, which means this sleeper has not awoken to become a beast.

Los Angeles Dodgers - Julio Urias
Urias had major surgery already this year, so that tends to not be a great sign for success.

San Diego Padres - Travis Jankowski
He had a poor start to the year, followed by a foot injury, but hey, at least all of his value isn't derived from his speed.

San Francisco Giants - Matt Moore
ERA over 6.00; I'll still probably take a chance on him next year. I can't quit Matt Moore.

As you can tell, my results were, uh...not good. My goal going in was .500, and I thought maybe I'd have up to a 60% success rate. I didn't come close to those numbers; in fact, I wasn't even at .500 for a single division. Instead, I ended up at 10-20, which is simply bad if we're being honest. But now that I have set an incredibly low bar for this exercise, I feel confident that I can exceed expectations next year. 11-19, here I come!

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Ultimate Warrior in WCW: What Went Wrong?

Ultimate Warrior is one of the greatest wrestling characters in history. No, he was not the most technically gifted performer, but that didn't take away from the fact that he was totally awesome. He was not a totally awesome as a person, because, really, his thoughts on homosexuals is still far more offensive than Hulk Hogan saying a racial slur in private (neither is good). There are so many things you can talk about with the Ultimate Warrior, but I would like to focus on the most stupid one: His late career run in WCW. Spoiler alert: It was so bad.

WCW had one goal when they brought in the Ultimate Warrior, and that was to play to all of his weaknesses. The Ultimate Warrior was never very good at speaking.

The WWE did their best to hide this weakness by only letting him do backstage promos for 30 second stretches where he could just be super energetic without having to actually make sense in anything that he said.

Of course, WCW gave him live promos where he was forced to give long, drawn out speeches. Ultimate Warrior's schtick worked best in quick bursts of nonsense, long diatribes of nonsense only worked great at killing a crowd. So his debut definitely involved Warrior going on for twenty minutes where he accused Hulk Hogan of shitting his pants. Grade A work.

Ultimate Warrior wasn't really a wrestler, at least not a competent one; he was a body. The WWE displayed that body, and even though the Warrior had lost some size later on in his career, he was still jacked by any measurement. Still, the WCW put him in jeans, a duster, and wrestling boots. Ultimate Warrior's greatest attribute as a professional wrestler was just looking like The Ultimate Warrior. WCW decided to cover him up.

Finally, Ultimate Warrior had one of the best entrances in pro wrestling history. They gave him metal music and had him sprint down to the ring. Instead they made this his theme, and gave him a trap door to rise into the ring from. So instead of sprinting in, kicking ass, and sprinting out, he came through a trap door and escaped through a trap door like a coward. Ultimate Warrior should never be using nefarious ways to escape; he should be clotheslining his way out of every situation. In fact, that is how WCW should have brought him back. Just send him to every day activities, and have him clothesline his way through DMV lines, body press a car to change a tire, and give a big splash to a tarantula. That would have been awesome.

He only had three matches, and only one singles match. We'll start there with the most overbooked match in wrestling history, Hogan vs. Warrior II, Electric Boogaloo. It was two wrestlers who were well past their prime, who were never known for their in-ring work, and they tried to recreate magic from nearly a decade earlier. It did not go well. There was the flame paper that Hogan tried to throw at Warrior, and that, uh, didn't come close to working properly. Then, Hogan won the match with help from Horace, who had just left the flock to be outed as Hogan's nephew. Honestly, by that point, I think everyone in the crowd was just happy it was over.

The second match Warrior had actually could have been cool as he tagged with his old tag partner, Sting, to take on Bret Hart and Hulk Hogan. I say it could have been cool had they actually had four of the most popular professional wrestlers in history just have a match, because by just having those guys out there, the crowd would have been way into it. Instead, they managed to put on one of the worst tag matches ever. Sting got beat up for five minutes, finally made the tag to Warrior, who never took off his stupid airbrushed duster jacket and cleaned house until the nWo interfered a minute later. Then Warrior filled the ring with smoke so he could escape.

His final match was a 3 on 3 on 3 match where he was on Team WCW with Roddy Piper and DDP to take on Team nWo Black and White with Hogan, Bret Hart, and Stevie Ray, and nWo Wolfpack with Kevin Nash, Lex Luger, and Sting. Yes, Sting, the ultimate WCW guy, was in that weird stage where he just up and decided he was no longer brooding, and wore red face paint. It was a 25 minute match, and Warrior was out there for three minutes, but they at least finally let him run down to the ring, and the crowd went crazy for it. He also tore apart the cage to get to Hogan, which would eventually lead to...nothing. Warrior was never seen or heard from again.

Ultimate Warrior's run in WCW was one giant missed opportunity. You were never going to recreate the magic of WrestleMania VI, but they could have still done some really fun things with him. Instead, they played to his weaknesses and let that initial excitement turn to apathy. It was almost a relief when Warrior disappeared, especially since he didn't need a trap door to do it.

Monday, June 26, 2017

Antwun Echols and the Curse of Being a Good Boxer

I was watching the documentary, Counterpunch, on Netflix this past week, and as I was following these three boxers at different stages of their career, it sent me down a Wikipedia rabbit hole of boxers. It took a lot of twists and turns and eventually led me to the Wikipedia page for Antwun Echols. Now unless you are a hardcore boxing fan or from Davenport, Iowa, that name probably doesn't mean anything to you. But I'm a part of that latter group, so I remember him coming up and being one hell of a boxer.

And he was. After losing his very first fight, he would go on to lose once in his next 24 fights. That was enough for him to earn a shot at Bernard Hopkins, who he took the distance but Echols lost the decision. He ended up winning his next two fights to get another shot at Hopkins, but this time he was stopped in the tenth round. Still, that's Bernard Hopkins, one of the greatest fighters of his generation and Echols was competitive in both fights.

Even after that, he managed to win seven of his next eight fights, winning the NABF Super Middleweight Title but losing his chance at the WBA Super Middleweight Title. Still, at this point, he had amassed a 31-5-1 record which isn't going to make him one of the greats, but it's still a pretty damn good career. 

Unfortunately, Echols career continued, as he has had another 22 fights since then. Echols was no longer the young up-and-comer who was smashing stepping stones on his way to title shots. Now, he was the stepping stone, continually put against top prospects. The fights got worse and worse as he went from losing decisions to losing by knockout. He has gone 1-18-3 in those last 22 fights. His one win was against a fighter who had a record of 0-8-2, but Fred Thomas is now 1-15-2, so Echols may have been lucky to meet him before Thomas reached his prime. Probably his most impressive accomplishment in this run is getting knocked out in the third round in seven consecutive fights, a streak that was ended when he lost in 8 seconds in his last fight.

As if that wasn't bad enough, during this run of awful fights, he was also shot in the leg trying to break up a fight. Then, he was immediately arrested at the hospital for possession of crack and failure to pay child support.

And about that child support, despite being busy with a boxing career, that did not stop Echols from getting busy in other ways. In 2013, Echols said in an interview that he "thinks" he has 23 kids. Maybe saddest of all, but definitely most delusional of all, is that when Echols was on a run of 1-14-3, he still had title aspirations

Echols had a great career, fighting for multiple championships but never bringing home the big time titles. Then he had a second career as a punching bag, and nobody was there to tell him that even if the money was decent, it's not a real career. But promoters were willing to keep giving him opportunity, because he was a good name in the boxing community. It didn't matter that he was no longer the same guy; it was actually better. He was the perfect stepping stone. The guy has clearly taken so much damage that he's susceptible to being knocked out by anyone, and that is exactly what's happened.

This story is about Antwun Echols, but it could easily be about dozens of other boxers that hang on for far too long with nobody around them willing or convincing enough to step in and stop them. Antwun Echols rose up from nothing to make something of himself through boxing. Now it appears that boxing will bring him right back to where he started. It's nearly impossible to see a happy ending to this story, so at this point, I'm just hoping for one that isn't tragic.

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

The Quintessential Breakdown of Brawl For All - Part 6

Brawl For All was one of the most fascinating ideas in WWE history. It's when the WWE took the reality era to a logical place, having real fights, under extraordinarily stupid rules. You may think the WWE did this to capitalize on the popularity of the UFC, and I'm sure that was kind of the case, but there was just one problem. WWE is always like five years behind on things, so instead of the UFC being fresh and exciting, it was actually at its lowest point in popularity since starting in 1993. It was literally the worst time to have Brawl For All, but as it turned out, there was never going to be a good time to have Brawl For All.

It all started with Marc Mero getting beaten up by Steve Blackman. Blackman never lost, but that doesn't mean he made the finals. We continued with Dan Severn beating up The Godfather, but Severn also dropped out of the tournament. We then went on to the second round where Bradshaw also beat Marc MeroFinally, we made it to the semifinals, where Bart Gunn gave The Godfather his second loss of the tournament. Finally, Bart Gunn completed his amazing tournament by knocking out Bradshaw. 

And even though last time we were able to crown a champion, that's not truly where Brawl For All ended. Because it was such a massive failure, why not extend it for one more match, six months later? Maybe in six months you can get nostalgia for something nobody enjoyed? Add a super fat guy, and you've got a recipe for success.

This was not Butterbean's first foray into a WWE ring, as about a year and a half earlier, he took on Marc Mero in a boxing match that was clearly a work, as Butterbean was taking cheap shots on Mero, and Mero was raking eyes with boxing gloves and choking Mr. Bean with tape. Outside of the WWE Network, the only place to watch it is an incredibly obscure website dedicated to Brock Lesnar and Sable. That's probably for the best.

But that leads us to our main event, the greatest fight of all time, Butterbean vs. Bart Gunn. Since Bart Gunn won Brawl For All in August, he used that to catapult his career to...uh...honestly, even more irrelevance than ever. Like, it's truly incredible how irrelevant he became. After winning Brawl For All, he had one wrestling match before his fight with Butterbean, a Hardcore Title match he lost to Bob Holly in February of 1999.

So, yeah, people were jacked for this Butterbean fight. Now of course a fight of this magnitude could only be settled at the Grand Daddy of Them All, WrestleMania XV. Bart Gunn now had a nickname, as he was now Bart "The Hammer" Gunn. How do you not make your name The Nail? Nailgun? Come on, it's too easy. When it comes to nicknames, I guess you could say I "Nailed" it.


You're probably not going to believe this, but the wrestler who has dabbled in punching did not fare too well against the World Champion Boxer. The fight started with Butterbean throwing a two-punch combo that LITERALLY spun Bart Gunn around. And things actually got worse from there. Butterbean started attacking the body just to set up a body-head combo that knocked Gunn loopy before Butterbean knocked him down. Bart Gunn got up, and Bart Gunn really shouldn't have gotten up.
Yeah, that body-head combo got him again.

Basically, Bart Gunn trained boxing casually where Butterbean was an actual boxer. It would be like Conor McGregor trying to fight Floyd Mayweather, and yes, trust me, when that match goes down, McGregor has less than a zero percent chance of winning. But even though McGregor has no chance of being a Boxing Champion, he actually currently holds a much MUCH more prestigious title.

Conor McGregor is your current WWE Brawl For All Lineal Champion. This is clearly why Floyd Mayweather wants this fight. The chance to retire with the greatest title in all of combat sports is too much for him to pass up. Yes, Floyd claims that he only cares about money, but the Brawl For All Title is truly priceless.

Monday, June 19, 2017

Which US Wrestlers Should Transition to MMA?

The United States World Team Trials for freestyle wrestling happened last weekend, and, as always, it was one of the most underrated sporting events of the year. Incredible battles with incredible drama led to this being one of the most memorable team trials in recent history. Some guy's dreams came true, while far more were left with bitter disappointment. But disappointment can lead to opportunity, so I wanted to take a look to find out who would best transition from the sport of wrestling to the sport of mixed martial arts.

I'm only going to be looking at guys who fell short at the trials, because the guys who won clearly have some wrestling left to do in their careers. I also won't be including guys still in college, as I don't see any wrestler abandoning wrestling altogether at that age. So let's start at 57 KG (pounds will be put in their likely weight class as opposed to the exact KG equivalent) and work our way up.

57 KG - Nahshon Garrett (125 pounds)
Garrett hasn't had a great transition from folkstyle to freestyle, as this year he was on the losing end of a technical fall in his first match against Alan Waters, followed by a decision loss to Darian Cruz. Still, Garrett is an explosive athlete that can absolutely overwhelm opponents. In college, he would overwhelm opponents with his athleticism. With that sort of style, he could make an immediate impact in mixed martial arts, and considering the athlete that he is, it's not hard to envision him becoming good in all aspects of fighting. Of course, considering he got an education from Cornell, it wouldn't be surprising if he was too smart to get in the fight game.

61 KG - Joe Colon (135 pounds)
Colon is another guy who struggled at the team trials, as he went 1-2, only managing a win over NCAA runner-up, Seth Gross. But again, his struggles in freestyle do not take away from his incredible physicality. Colon is the type of wrestler that can simply overwhlem his opponents. His freestyle technique is nowhere near the best, but that technique will still be better than anybody he faces in MMA, and it's the physicality that will put him over the top.

65 KG - Jordan Oliver (145 pounds)
Unlike everyone else on this list, Oliver did not compete at the US Team Trials, but that was due to a drug suspension as opposed to not being good enough. I mean, with a drug suspension already on his record, he's basically living that MMA lifestyle already. Also, Oliver has consistently fell short of representing the United States in international competition. At first, Brent Metcalf got the better of him, then it was Molinaro, and now, when he had his best shot, he got popped for performance enhancing drugs, and Zain Retherford looks to be the guy taking over the weight class. I think it's time for a change of competition if he wants to make an impact in athletics.

70 KG - Dylan Ness (155 pounds)
Dylan Ness is funk personified. He is incredible at getting in the weirdest possible positions and somehow always coming out in an advantageous spot. No one has shown this sort of funk acumen since Ben "Funky" Askren. Now, Ness is not the wrestler that Askren was, but Askren has shown the blueprint for how to transition his skillset into mixed martial arts. Was it all just the wrestling of Askren that led him to greatness, or are funky wrestlers better at translating their skills to fighting? I would love to see Ness give it a go so we could find out.

74 KG - Kyle Dake (170 pounds)
74 KG is likely the most loaded weight class for potential MMA superstars. Jordan Burroughs could be amazing, but after pulling off another victory at the trials, he was ineligible for this list as he definitely has some more wrestling in his future. Isaiah Martinez is an absolute beast, but he's still in college, so he has some growth to do. I went back and forth on the last two guys, but eventually went with Kyle Dake over Alex Dieringer. Dieringer is still young and seemed to close the gap on Dake, so he very well may be the future of the weight class when Burroughs retires. Of course, he may never be able to pass up Dake, as it is not like Dake doesn't still have some strong years in him. Still, I went with Dake as "Kid Dynamite" would simply be too much fun to see in MMA. Dake is not only explosive, but even in college, he was smart enough to do whatever it took to win, never worrying about being the most exciting guy, just being concerned with being the best. I would love to see him transition that wrestling acumen to fighting.

86 KG - David Taylor (185 pounds)
I cannot imagine David Taylor making the transition to MMA, but it'd be pretty cool if he did.

97 KG - Kyven Gadson (205 pounds)
Gadson is the last American to beat super human wrestling machine, Kyle Snyder, but Snyder showed that things have changed quite a bit in the last two years. With Snyder around, there really isn't any future for Gadson to represent the United States. Still, you'd have trouble finding a wrestler with a much higher ceiling than Gadson. His biggest issue has always been consistency. Although he's not Kyle Snyder, he's still really good at wrestling, and he has the skills to give a lot of people trouble in what isn't all that deep of a weight class.

125 KG - Tony Nelson (HWT)
So right now the best choice would seem to be Nick Gwiazdowski, but since he's busy dominating the American Heavyweight division in wrestling, I had to move on to someone else. Although I wanted to be a homer and go for former Hawkeye, Bobby Telford, I think the former Golden Gopher, Tony Nelson is probably the best choice. Looking at the heavyweight division, I feel like Nelson could be a top-10 UFC heavyweight within a couple years.

Wrestling is the world's toughest sport, and that is why wrestlers do such a good job when moving to mixed martial arts. I have no doubt that if these guys would do great if they decided to make the transition.