Tuesday, July 30, 2019

2019 WWE Brawl For All: Jason Jordan vs. Shelton Benjamin

We move onto our second first-round matchup with a pair of former B1G wrestlers so you know these guys are tough. Representing the University of Indiana is Jason Jordan and representing the University of Minnesota, we have Shelton Benjamin.

Joe's #4 Jason Jordan vs. Jonah's #5 Shelton Benjamin
Joe: Jason Jordan is basically a younger version of Shelton Benjamin, so early on, I gotta say that I like my chances in this matchup.

Jonah: I would agree if Jason Jordan was healthy, but I’m pretty sure he had to retire due to a neck injury. I mean he’s been out for a year and a half, I’m pretty sure he’s got serious problems. With that health issue it’s at least a toss up between two fantastic wrestlers, should be a hell of a grappling match.

Joe: If Jordan is even close to healthy, I still give the edge to him. The longer you are out of that wrestling room, the more those skills deteriorate. At this point, Shelton probably isn’t winning a high school state championship. He was a freak of an athlete, but he’s down to just really good athlete as age has sapped him of some of that explosiveness, and I feel like the younger version will not be denied in this matchup.

Jonah: Jordan might win, he’ll probably injure his neck and the announcers can shit talk him for being legitimately injured like they did in one of his last angles. He’s not healthy enough to professionally wrestle so his health when it comes to shoot fights is probably pretty low.

Joe: How dare you. Professional wrestling is the toughest sport out there, being in a fight is a breeze. Still, if we are thinking that this tournament is happening in 2019, the neck issue is probably too big of one for him to properly come back fully healthy, so let’s give the edge to Shelton Benjamin.

1st Round
Akam vs. Curtis Axel

Monday, July 29, 2019

The WWE Is Ruining... Lio Rush

I know Lio Rush is undersized, but it seems like he is impossible to find these days. That’s unfortunate, because not only is Rush extremely talented in the ring, he actually showed incredibly refined charisma that translated well on WWE television. Still, Lio has gone from a hype man for Bobby Lashley to the invisible man regarding all things WWE.

Despite the undeniable charisma, Rush is an interesting member of the WWE main roster since he is SO undersized. At just 5’6” and 160 pounds, he’s about as small as it gets in the organization. Still, he barely spent any time in developmental before being promoted to the main roster, which was a disappointment for me since I did not get to see him on the NXT Florida House Show loop.

And when he got called up, he did a great job. He got heat for Bobby Lashley and prevented Lashley from having to speak into a microphone; it was a win-win. Unfortunately, he got in trouble for what seems like the dumbest of all reasons, and that is not showing enough respect to the veterans in the locker room.

There are conflicting reports out there, but one was that he didn’t carry Bobby Lashley’s bags. Why should he carry Lashley’s bags? Bobby Lashley has plenty of strength to carry his own bags. Bobby Lashley could carry his bags and Lio Rush without any problems, so then people cry about respect and tradition, because that’s the way things used to be. Well, things sucked back in the day. It was like 90% garbage people back then, and now we’re down to only 50% garbage people, so that’s progress. Making someone carry your bags isn’t tradition; it’s hazing from an older generation. Older generations can go suck a crow’s ass as far as I’m concerned, and if all the guy did was not succumb to bullshit traditions, it only makes me like him more.

Anyway, as for Rush’s future, I think a run in NXT could do him wonders. Just giving him a chance to wrestle, and also wrestle guys closer to his size would be incredibly beneficial for building him up as a legitimate superstar and not a sidekick. Let him tear it up for months or even a year where there are tons of guys he could put on great matches against. Plus, even though it’s all stupid, it does give time for his heat to cool down up on the main roster.

Then, call him up and make him a scrappy babyface, or an underhanded heel, that part really doesn’t matter as long as he gets a hard reset and is allowed to showcase his talent, because Rush definitely has star potential.

Wednesday, July 24, 2019

USA Wrestling Has Too Much of a Good Thing at 86 KG

Going into the 2019 World Championships, 86 KG (about 189.5 pounds) is probably the weakest spot on the US Men’s Wrestling team. I understand that this is offensive to Pat Downey, the United States’s current representative at the weight, but it’s pretty tough to argue at this point, especially with a pretty short resume when it comes to Senior level freestyle wrestling accomplishments.

That being said, going into the Olympics in 2020, it goes from being the weakest to possibly the strongest weight class. Since there are only 6 Olympic weights where there are 10 world champions in non-Olympic years, it shrinks down the possibilities of where guys can wrestle. It is guaranteed at least two former world champions, and possibly, although extremely unlikely, up to five former World Champions. 

Pat Downey
First off, you have the current representative, Pat Downey. I did mention that he has not done much on the Senior Freestyle scene, but on the Junior scene, he did win a Silver Medal back in 2012 which was the best finish of any American that year. He struggled to find the right fit in college, so he was only a one-time All-American due to multiple transfers that limited his eligibility. Still, he came out with the right attitude this year and won the US Open before winning the best 2-out-of-3 falls against Nick Heflin at the World Team Trials. Nobody expected Downey to make it that far. Then, instead of having to compete at Final X, he won the spot simply by making weight as last year’s US Representative and defending World Champion, David Taylor, was injured in an exhibition match in May. Downey will represent the US team this year in Kazakhstan this year, but I can’t imagine he’s got that much more magic left in him. Still, the guy will grind, and nobody has ever questioned his self-confidence.

David Taylor
Next, let’s talk about the 2018 World Champion, David Taylor. The Magic Man has had one hell of a career as he won two Dan Hodge trophies as the best college wrestler in the country, something that has only been done three times in history. It was expected that he would go out on the international scene and dominate, but he could never quite get started as he continually ran into competition that was just slightly better than him. He started his career at 74 kg where he ran into two unbelievable talents in Jordan Burroughs and Kyle Dake. He was always close but could never quite overcome them. So he did the next logical thing, he gained 25 pounds of muscle and moved up to 86 kg. 2016 appeared to be his year to represent the United States at the Olympics, but there, he could not overcome future World Champion, J’Den Cox, who managed to squeak by with the sweatiest victory in US history. Again, he was denied.

But with Cox moving up to 92 kg, the path was completely clear for Taylor to take over for the United States, and he did that in 2018 by storming through the competition and winning a World Championship. Everything was lining up for him to defend his crown this year before he hurt his leg in at Beat The Streets and will take time off in order to make sure he’s 100% healthy for the Olympics next year.

J’Den Cox
I guess it only makes sense to transition to talk about J’Den Cox who has moved up to 92 kg and won a World Title last year but has stated that he will be cutting down to 86 kg for the Olympics. On top of his World Title, he has a World Bronze, Olympic Bronze, and three NCAA Titles.  So yeah, he’s pretty damn good. If he can handle the weight cut well, it’s tough to say he wouldn’t be the favorite. I might have given the edge to Taylor before the injury but putting that into consideration, Cox may be the guy to beat. There is nobody with better defense than Cox, and even though this really isn’t relevant, he’s the sweatiest person I have ever seen. I will never get over how sweaty he was against Taylor a few years ago, because there were practically puddles on the mat from a six-minute match. I expect him to win another World Title this year, and the biggest question mark for him will be the weight cut, because his skills clearly make him one of the best wrestlers in the world.

Kyle Dake
Speaking of one of the best wrestlers in the world, there was no one more dominant than Kyle Dake last year. He is another World Champion, but he did it without giving up a single point at the World Championships and tech falled three out of four opponents. Oh yeah, he’s also the only man to ever win four NCAA Titles at four different weight classes. Still, I would say he is the longest of long shots. His World Championship was at 79 kg, and he has to make the decision of whether to go up to 86 kg or move down to 74 kg. I think he will go down in weight, but waiting for him down there is possibly America’s greatest wrestler of all time, Jordan Burroughs. He’s beaten David Taylor every time they have gone up against each other, and he gave J’Den Cox a run for his money despite being vastly undersized in their matchup. I wouldn’t bet against Dake, but I think it’s also likely that he doesn’t move up in weight to have this intense of competition waiting for him.

Oh, and he hasn’t even qualified to represent the United States at 79 kg, because he still has to wrestle the last man on this list.

Alex Dieringer
That’s because he still has to go up against the freight train that is Alex Dieringer. Dieringer has wrestled Dake very close in previous matchups, and he seems to be getting better and better every year. He dominated the competition to earn a chance against Dake, but things have been delayed due to Dake recovering from an injury. If he takes the spot at 79 kg, he would be the favorite to win gold at this year’s World Championships, and he’s already stated that he’s going up to 86 kg next year. He won’t go in as the favorite, but the way he’s been wrestling, he’s as dangerous as anybody in the division.

All this talk doesn’t even include former National Champions Mark Hall and Zahid Valencia who are wrapping up their college careers, former NCAA Champion Myles Martin who will now be able to focus on freestyle full time, and the possibility of Bo Nickal coming back down who may have been the scariest person in college wrestling over the last four years. Oh, and for some Iowa flair, how about Sammy Brooks, a man with a mullet that helps give him super powers? This may be the most competitive division in US Wrestling history.

But that’s all for next year. We’re less than two months away from the 2019 World Championships where the only guy that matters is PDIII. USA! USA! USA!

Tuesday, July 23, 2019

The WWE Is Ruining... Finn Balor

Finn Balor just lost the Intercontinental Title on a kickoff show of a C-level pay per view. That is so insane. First off that the Intercontinental Championship, the title with the most prestige when it comes to pure wrestling talent was not good enough to be on the main show. And secondly that Finn Balor, Finn FREAKING Balor and Shinsuke MOTHERFUCKING Nakamura were not good enough to be on the main card. There must be something seriously wrong for anything that egregious to happen.

Now I ask, what is Finn Balor’s gimmick? I ask this, because I have no idea if he has any motivation outside of “enjoys smiling.” Even that is a mystery, because it’s not like he smiles at specific things. He just smiles, sometimes sincerely, sometimes sarcastically, but he definitely smiles a lot. That is the Finn Balor way.

Wouldn’t it be a whole lot more fun of instead of smiling at a baby in a strolla, he became a real rock n’ rolla. Yep, just use his New Japan gimmick, and then you can actually use his smiling gimmick. Just make it an arrogant smile, because, guess what? Every time I see that dude with a shirt off, it pisses me off a little bit, because unless I get ab and pectoral implants, I will never be able to look like that.

Pair him up with The Club, because again, why not? It’d be ideal if you could sign Bad Luck Fale so Finn could ride on his shoulders to the ring (they did it before and better than Jungle Boy and Luchasaurus), but we’ll settle for him riding on the shoulders of Luke Gallows.

This is a case of Occam’s Razor where the simplest solution is the best. I know I don’t have to tell WWE this, but don’t overthink this. Just listen to me, and let Finn Balor be the real rock n’ rolla that he was meant to be.

Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Akam

Ali
Alicia Fox
Andrade "Cien" Almas
Apollo Crews
Bayley
Big E
Big Show
Bo Dallas
Bobby Lashley
Bobby Roode
Braun Strowman
Brock Lesnar
Carmella
Chad Gable

Monday, July 22, 2019

2019 WWE Brawl For All: Akam vs. Curtis Axel

After going through many stupid fantasy drafts with Jonah, this one is undoubtedly are dumbest. Brawl for All, a truly terrible idea that was terrible to watch and made no business sense, is one of Vince McMahon's most embarrassing failures. But what if it happened in 2019? Jonah demanded that we do a draft and debate how this would go and limited it to wrestlers who are not active in storylines currently since the original Brawl For All was certainly not set up with superstars. We went big and put in 16 guys in the bracket, eight picks for each side.

Today is the #1 overall pick in the draft, Akam of the Authors of Pain taking on a "perfect" opponent, Curtis Axel.

Jonah’s #1 Akam vs. Joe’s #8 Curtis Axel
Jonah: The first pick was either going to be Akam or Rezar, I went with Akam because he is a celebrated amateur wrestler. He’s a three time Candian national wrestler, a gold medalist in the Canada Summer Games, a prospect for the 2012 Olympics who lost a qualifying match and a prospect for the 2016 Olympics before he went to the WWE. He’s also a really big guy, I assume he packs quite a wallop in his punches. Curtis Axel seems like another guy who’s surprisingly tough. He’s got decent size and is probably an OK amateur wrestler, I know he trained with Brock Lesnar to get him ready for the WWE. Unfortunately, he’s just overmatched here by size and wrestling ability. Akam has to win this one on takedowns alone. 


Joe: But Curtis Axel is at least 50% perfect. You have to admit this is going to be a major issue for Akam. What if his right knee is perfect, and he sprints across the ring and throws a perfect flying knee to knock out Akam in five seconds? If Akam gets knocked out in five seconds, you’ve got to give the edge to Axel, agreed?


Jonah: No, and you really seem to be confused about the rules of Brawl For It All, no knee strikes. Axel is spending the entirety of this fight on his back.


Joe: So, are you admitting that Axel would knock out Akam if he broke the rules and threw a running knee? If so, I will gladly take the DQ loss here.


Jonah: I think Axel would simply anger Akam if he hit a running knee. He also might be caught mid air and slammed through the mat.


Joe: Damn, my only hope is that you would fall into my trap of letting Axel get DQed by illegal knee, and then I would use concussion protocol to end Akam’s run in the tournament. Ugh, I guess Akam will just have a healthy advancement to the second round.

Next time, it's a battle to see who takes on Akam, featuring two former B1G Wrestlers.

Monday, July 15, 2019

The WWE Is Ruining... Drew McIntyre

The first thing I remember about Drew McIntyre is that for some reason he was on this WWE All Stars video game on PS2, and I couldn’t believe he was in it, because I thought McIntyre really sucked. Like, what was the WWE thinking by having this pud on the game? And I was totally fine with somebody like Jack Swagger, but McIntrye was simply not video game material.

He was incredibly forgettable, and he bounced around, starting as the Chosen One and ending up as a part of 3MB, a fake band that although enjoyable, was never even on 3 Count’s level. Finally, the WWE saw no use for him and released him back into the wild of independent wrestling. It was the best thing that could have happened to him.

Not only did he decide to wrestle everywhere, but he also got absolutely massive and grew out went through puberty as he also now had chest hair. He dominated in the UK, USA, and even Impact as he was able to stop wrestling the WWE style and start going balls-to-the-walls indy style that made him an instant hit no matter where he was.

He then resigned with the WWE and immediately dominated NXT, lost his title to give him a chance to move to the main roster where he was a dominant force that teamed up with Dolph Ziggler. But lately, things have petered out for him as he has been more used to put other guys over than be an important part of the creative process. McIntyre can’t beat Roman Reigns, but Shane McMahon can, and that is one of the dumber things I have ever had to write in any of these columns.

When do you think is the last time McIntyre had a meaningful singles victory over someone who was not The Miz? Probably a couple months, right? Try four months, as it hasn’t happened since March, and even then, it was just to bury Dean Ambrose before his contract expired.

Being Shane McMahon’s hired gun is actually a good idea, but you know, you should make the hired gun better than the 50-year-old who looks like he is about to have a heatstroke before the match even begins. This guy should be a threat to anybody, and instead he is basically just Baron Corbin #2, the one that can’t even get a title shot. Drew McIntyre deserves far better.

Luckily, it’s a pretty simple fix. Just do what you have been doing but actually have him win matches instead of losing them. There is no reason why he couldn’t be a champion in a few months if you actually have him win matches so people care. I mean, the WWE has been putting Baron Corbin in the title picture for at least three months now, and that’s been the drizzling shits where not even Baron Corbin’s parents think he has a shot of winning the title. At least do it with McIntyre where even if he doesn’t win the title, he can at least put on incredible matches with Seth Rollins that actually have people wanting to watch main events instead of just staring at the clock, hoping for the event to finally end.

Seth Rollins has taken some heat for proclaiming WWE is the best wrestling on the planet. I disagree with him, but it’s not because they are lacking in talent; it’s because they are not consistently building to matches that people actually want to see. McIntyre can straight up GO in the ring and putting him in a meaningful feud instead of making him an afterthought to a McMahon would start making people believe that WWE is actually the best wrestling organization in the world, which, considering their overabundance of talent, should never be in question.

And yes, I would totally put Drew McIntyre in a video game these days.

Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Akam

Ali
Alicia Fox
Andrade "Cien" Almas
Apollo Crews
Bayley
Big E
Big Show
Bo Dallas
Bobby Lashley
Bobby Roode
Braun Strowman
Brock Lesnar
Carmella
Chad Gable

Monday, July 8, 2019

The WWE Is Ruining... The Authors of Pain

After a brief hiatus to discuss every possible person in the WWE’s developmental system, we are back to discuss how the WWE is ruining their talent. Since we took a hiatus, let’s tackle two guys in Akam and Rezar, the Authors of Pain.

By the time the Authors of Pain left NXT, they seemed impossible to screw up. Both guys are legit athletes as Rezar fought in mixed martial arts professionally, and Akam was nearly an Olympian in wrestling. Not only did they have tremendous size and athleticism, but they got SO MUCH BETTER in a short period of time when it came to their wrestling skills. They were naturals, and it seemed like they were destined to dominate a tag division for a decade.

Instead, they have not dominated the tag division. In fact, their run has been a total embarrassment. Yes, AOP did win the tag titles once, defeating Seth Rollins and...oh, absolutely nobody. They beat Seth Rollins in a handicap match to win the tag titles. Well, there is no way that they could lose the tag titles in an even dumber fashion.

Oh, wait, this is the WWE we’re talking about.

So, of course they lost their titles, not by getting pinned or submitted, or even disqualified or counted out. Instead, their manager, Drake Maverick was pinned by Bobby Roode and Chad Gable. Is this the part where I should talk about how Roode and Gable were a short-lived tag team, or is this the part where I should talk about how the feud was centered around Drake Maverick pissing his pants?

The solution is so simple with AOP, and the sad thing is the WWE already knew the answer. Just let them be your Legion of Doom. You let them be indestructable badasses and have a manager do their talking for them. They don’t need Paul Ellering, and they definitely don’t need a cosplaying Drake Maverick, so let’s call up Stokely Hathaway and have him build a stable of badasses with him as the mouthpiece.

Then just let them have wrestling matches. Put them against The Revival, bring back American Alpha, wait, I’m just recreating the NXT tag division from a few years ago. Ah, fuck it, let’s just do it. Get DIY together, hell, I even want to see Blake get called up to tag up with Buddy Murphy. That tag division ruled, so let’s just have them recreate everything they did in NXT on the main roster.

Akam and Rezar can bring the pain. Just let me be the author of their story.

Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Ali

Alicia Fox
Andrade "Cien" Almas
Apollo Crews
Bayley
Big E
Big Show

Bo Dallas
Bobby Lashley
Bobby Roode
Braun Strowman
Brock Lesnar
Carmella
Chad Gable

Friday, July 5, 2019

Ben Askren Is Going To Destroy Jorge Masvidal and Other UFC 239 Predictions

UFC 239 is another stacked card for the premier brand in mixed martial arts. Despite having a plethora of talent on the roster, they only make cards this good 3-4 times a year, so this card is definitely one to look forward to. Now that it's fight week, I keep hearing more and more analysis that is absolutely awful, and I felt I needed to say something since things are getting out of hand.

Ben Askren is going to whoop Jorge Masvidal's ass on Saturday night. The only question is whether Masvidal survives three rounds.

I'm absolutely baffled that you could look at these two fighters and what they have done in the past and come to any other conclusion besides that one. Ben Askren's past is simple. He takes fools down and wears their asses out for as long as it takes. He has done that to EVERYONE he has faced. Now, Askren has not faced the best competition, but he hasn't faced slouches either. He beat Douglas Lima whose only losses in the last ten yars have been to Askren, Rory MacDonald, and Andrey Koreshkov, which he avenged by beating Koreshkov twice. Oh, and Koreshkov's only losses in his career are to Lima and Askren. The Askren loss sets new standards for egregious as Askren got the TKO in the fourth round while outstriking Lima 248 to 3. That is not a typo.

Meanwhile, Masvidal is on quite the hot streak of winning a grand total of one fight in a row. In fact, you can go back three fights, and he only has one win in that time as he lost his previous two before knocking out Darren Till. He got outstruck by Stephen Thompson, and before that, he got outgrappled by Demian Maia. The Maia fight is the most instructive as Maia was able to continually get takedowns on Masvidal. In analysis, people keep giving credit to Masvidal for his wrestling, but if he can't stop a Maia takedown, what the hell is he going to do against Askren? It would be generous to say Maia, who has developed a nice wrestling game for MMA, is half the wrestler that Askren is. Maybe 1/5, but I'm thinking he's more in the 10-15% as good as the man known as Funky.

But don't worry, Masvidal's coach tweeted that Jorge has a friend that wrestles, with a video of him and Yoel Romero play wrestling in a small room. I mean, that's great and all, but just because I have a friend who is a pharmacist doesn't mean that I can start writing prescriptions.

I think my favorite analysis was a guy who said that he'd pick Masvidal in a five-round fight, because he'd be able to wear Askren down by then which is about as insane of a take as I have seen this year. Askren's whole style is wearing his opponent down, and he has never shown any signs of fatigue in any match he's been in. I don't think there is any activity that Masvidal could wear down Askren in.

Like any fight, Masvidal has a puncher's chance, but even that is a reach, because he's not really a knockout guy as he's more a pressure fighter than a single knockout blow. Bet on Askren and reap the rewards on Sunday morning.

As for the title fights, Jon Jones is a fairly easy pick against, well, anyone, and Thiago Santos does not seem to present much of a threat to him.

The Amanda Nunes fight could be more interesting than people think. Nunes has run through a lot of people, but she does gas out, and Holly Holm knows how to make fights long and boring. Holm has been so hesitant to pull the trigger in fights that I still have a hard time seeing her win the fight, but I do think she can go the distance.

As for the last two fights on the main card, I say Luke Rockhold knocks out Jan Blachowicz in his light heavyweight debut. And Diego Sanchez is a total psycho, but he might be a full decade past his prime at this point so I think Michael Chiesa finishes him in the second round.

Also, one of my favorite fighters ever, Gilbert Melendez is fighting on this card, but he might be even more done than Diego Sanchez. I'm hoping for a surprise performance from the former Strikeforce Champion, but my brain has trouble seeing a path to victory for him.