Did Evolve 114 Change Things for the Better?

This past weekend, as many of you were watching WWE Evolution, or doing something else if you're a well-adjusted person who does not have their schedule revolve around what wrestling is going on. I was in Ybor City, the place where cool people go to party in Tampa, to surround myself with degenerate wrestling fans and attend Evolve 114.

Evolve has been one of the top independent promotions for a while now as they have been instrumental in the careers of Keith Lee, Matt Riddle, and Johnny Gargano. Since they recently lost those first two guys, they are in a bit of a rebuilding mode. Shane Strickland led them into the card as he was not only the Evolve World Champion, but has held belts for countries all around the US and is universally considered one of the top guys on the Indys.

Usually when this happens, new talent rises up to take up the spots that are now open. Evolve has a ton of guys that can do it as they had a ladder match with six super talented guys in JD Drake, Austin Theory, Darby Allin, Anthony Henry, Harlem Bravado, and probably my favorite Indy wrestler, AR Fox. But instead, Evolve went in the total opposite direction and picked up guys from above the Evolve level.

Evolve has had a working relationship with the WWE for the past couple years, and it has worked out for both sides. Evolve helps develop talent to get them ready for NXT, and WWE will occasionally send guys to Evolve shows to help boost the card. They have now taken that to the extreme.

The week of the event, Evolve's tag champions, Doom Patrol, Chris Dickinson and Jaka, issued an open challenge. This open challenge was answered by NXT's Street Profits, Angelo Dawkins and Montez Ford, the latter of which should turn into a massive star if the WWE has any inkling of ability to develop talent. That's a pretty awesome upgrade for the card, and I assumed that they could put on a fun match where Doom Patrol finds a way to win, and they both go their separate ways.

But when the WWE announced that Street Profits would challenge, they also mentioned that other NXT stars may be interested in seeing what Evolve was all about. Considering that Shane Strickland did not have an opponent for his world title, my interest was definitely piqued. Strickland came out early to brag of dispatching the best that Evolve has to offer, so who would answer his challenge? The music hit, and out came the one and only...Fabian Aichner? Well, not exactly Riddle, Keith Lee, or Ricochet, but whatever, it should be a watchable match.

Then, throughout the night, we saw little used NXT wrestlers Jessie, Adrian Jaoude (with Cesar Bononi), and Dan Matha make appearances. This could have been very cool to see these wrestlers take a few more chances and let loose, but it was much more of NXT style matches than Evolve style matches. They were fine, but the most memorable thing from any of them was Dan Matha saying that he is the sauciest of sauces, and he goes drip, drip, drip, which made me laugh out loud as now every time I see Matha, I will only be able to think of Ol' Drippy from Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

On the positive side, the tag team title match between Doom Patrol and Street Profits was awesome. The crowd loved Street Profits, because really, how can you not love Street Profits? It was still more of an NXT match, but it was closer to the level of NXT Takeover tag matches as it was a good back and forth battle. And the crowd all erupted when Street Profits actually got the victory to win the Evolve Tag Titles.

Still, it was clear that the Evolve roster would have their revenge when Shane Strickland took on Fabian Aichner for the Evolve World Title. This was a really good match and is a great reminder of how awesome the talent in NXT is. Aichner is super good, and Strickland will always put on good matches. Still, the crowd knew that Strickland wasn't losing, so they never fully embraced the match. The ending was fast-paced back and forth with Aichner hitting a revolution powerbomb to win the match...wait, what? Fabian Aichner is the new Evolve World Champ? I now know what it would have been like to see The Undertaker's streak ended, because it was the same sense of shock when Aichner beat Strickland. Just total disbelief and dismay.

So what the hell does this mean? Both the Evolve World and Tag Champs are from NXT. With The Street Profits, I get it. They are one of the most fun acts in NXT, and even though they haven't quite risen to Championship level, if they found their way to a title shot and even a win in the next few months, it wouldn't be all that surprising. If they show up on NXT television with the Evolve titles, there is potential to draw a lot more interest from WWE fans in turning them into pro wrestling fans. I think that makes a ton of sense as it increases interest in Evolve, and it elevates Street Profits as just holding titles from another organization immediately puts them in the conversation for NXT Tag Titles.

But Fabian Aichner? That one is more puzzling to me. If Fabian Aichner shows up wearing the Evolve title on NXT television, nobody is thinking that they need to watch Evolve, they think that Evolve must suck, because Fabian Aichner can't beat anybody important. What is Aichner's best singles win over the last year? He has beaten Raul Mendoza four times over that stretch, but Mendoza has still beaten Aichner eight times overall, so maybe that isn't the best example. I mean he did beat Jeet Rama in April, but Rama got his revenge two weeks later. So I guess it is his big win over Humberto Carillo, and if you're wondering why you don't remember any of these matches, it's because all of these matches were on house shows. So I would say the decision to give Aichner the title is puzzling.

So what the hell does that make Evolve? I think the most interesting thing is if Evolve was fully embraced by WWE as their Double-A organization (NXT is AAA, Raw/Smackdown is the majors). People in the business always talk about how titles only matter to marks, but if you're a wrestling fan, that makes you a mark and titles are important. If you told me that Fabian Aichner was going to be on the next NXT Takeover special, I might pass out from how aggressively I gave the wanking motion. But if you tell me that he is going to be there defending his Evolve title against Shane Strickland or AR Fox, well, that actually does get me invested in a Fabian Aichner match, because I would be fascinated to see either of those challengers on WWE television. WWE has shown a willingness to use guys that do not have WWE contracts, most notably for the Cruiserweight tournament with Kota Ibushi and Zach Sabre Jr.

That sort of partnership between the organizations could be a win-win if done correctly. I'd love to see Evolve guys on WWE Network, and it would definitely increase the interest in Evolve as an organization. Eventually, Evolve may be able to be a part of the WWE Network, although that is more me dreaming of an idealistic world as a fan as I doubt it makes much sense for either side financially. Although I was pretty skeptical of things the night of the event, it could be laying the groundwork for something special down the line.

Before I go, I need to point out that the ladder match for the WWN Championship is the type of match that could make anyone a pro wrestling fan. All six guys had a chance to shine, and it was a sensory overload that was a blast to watch from start to finish. It was more than worth the price of admission alone. If you show that on WWE Network, you will have a whole lot of people wondering how they can see it in person, and that is why I am so interested to see where Evolve goes from here.

The WWE Is Ruining... Alicia Fox

As a pro wrestling fan, it is a part of our identity to always know how to utilize wrestlers better than the WWE. If WWE would just give me, random WWE fan, a job a the company, ratings would immediately rise to the levels of the Monday Night Wars, despite how television ratings have changed as a whole over the last 20 years. But until that happens, WWE will continue ruining our favorite wrestlers, and that is why it is time to point out the error in their ways. Because of WWE's incompetence, I am literally going to pick a wrestler at random and point out how they could be better utilized, because WWE is ruining everyone in one way or another.

Today, we look at a woman with one of the longest tenures in the WWE, Alicia Fox.

I wouldn't say I am a huge Alicia Fox fan. But I am far from an Alicia Fox hater. I would say that she was one of the more entertaining wrestlers in the Divas division. Unfortunately, the WWE then transitioned to a women's division, and Alicia Fox stayed just as good where all of the talent around her got better. She's still fine in the ring, and on the positive side, she is someone who can believably show emotion, although they have really only given her a chance to show the "emotion" of crazy.

Currently, instead of giving her any direction, her entire character seems to be, "wears funky clothing." She's ostensibly a heel because she occasionally hangs out with Alexa Bliss and Mickie James, but maybe she's just a supportive friend. It's not like there are a lot of honorable characters to hang out with in the women's division, and shit, it can get pretty lonely on the road, so you make friends with what's available.

So what to do with Alicia Fox? My personal preference is a reunion with Noam Dar, just so I can hear Alicia Faaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggggggggggggssssssssssss again. But I'm not sure if that idea has legs for an audience outside of me and...yeah, it actually might just be me. So for a serious idea is at least let her be a character. Make her over the top but keep it consistent for more than three weeks so it can actually get some legs underneath it. I'm not saying she should ever even be fighting for a title, hell, I don't care if she ever wins a match, but she can still be outrageous.

Here's a fun angle that will make no sense but will make her super enjoyable. Have her be the daughter of Norman Smiley. Smiley becomes her manager, she starts doing the big wiggle during matches, she could start up a women's hardcore title where she can be in full pads, hell, let her inexplicably develop a British accent...oh shit, I actually love this idea. Good God, WWE, this idea has legs. Make this happen immediately.

I'm pretty sure I just made Alicia Fox my favorite wrestler. So to me, I say thank you, and you're welcome.

Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Bobby Lashley
Charlotte Flair
Dana Brooke
Dash Wilder
Kane
Kofi Kingston
Mickie James
Nia Jax
Peyton Royce
Randy Orton
Scott Dawson
Tyler Breeze

5 Takeaways from the Iowa / Penn State Game

Oh, man, I haven't yelled at my TV like that in a long time. Did I yell too much or not enough? Either way, my behavior is unlikely to change, although my wife did bring up a good point that maybe I should watch intense games inside instead of outside as my yelling may have been enough to get the cops called (although this would be a very fitting Florida Man arrest story). Alas, the Hawkeyes fell 30-24 in a total rollercoaster of a game.

Let's Talk About Dominique Dafney
He blocked a punt and tried out for the wrestling team with a double leg takedown on kickoff coverage. The West Des Moines product is not a guy that is going to have many opportunities to get love, so let's love on Dominique Dafney. Great game, DD.

LeVar Woods Does What He Wants
LeVar Woods clearly has full control of what happens on fourth downs. First, he runs a play where they may have been looking to pull off a fake when Recinos ran out wide, but they didn't, so that one gets to stay in the holster. Last, he ran a fake punt where Iowa had two quarterbacks and Peyton Mansell was the QB who got the ball. They never really showed any route running or coverage, so I have no idea what the plan is, but I really would have liked for Mansell to throw the ball up and hope for the best.

But then there was that play in the middle. They didn't try to take Penn State by surprise. They just straight up lined up the punter in shotgun, and from ten yards out, everyone knew it was going to be a pass. Colton Rastetter did a slight role to his right, then threw back towards his left and threw a perfect pass to Sam Brincks who managed to haul it in while being hit. There is absolutely no way that Ihmir Smith-Marsette makes that catch, but Sam Brincks did. I don't know why that is a play. That is not a good play at all, but then again, maybe it is? It worked, and it will likely never have to work again. God bless LeVar Woods for spending all of his free time researching trick plays, because I'm pretty sure we have a bigger playbook for our special teams than we do for our offense.

Nate Stanley's Three Step Drop
A three step drop is a great way to get the ball out quick and easily let your quarterback throw it in rhythm. Iowa has really tried to incorporate this with Nate Stanley, but the problem is that Stanley's first option never seems to be open, and then he just kind of waits there while only being about two yards behind his offensive linemen. Then it gets so cramped that he has limited vision and space which is not a great recipe for success. I'm guessing the issue is that Stanley is not able to identify the defenses as well as he needs to in order to make these type of plays work as most times, he should know presnap where that ball is going. If Iowa wants to go with a three step drop, maybe try it from shotgun to give everybody a little bit more space.

TJ Hockenson's Two Chances
TJ Hockenson had what may have been the two biggest "What if" plays in this game. The first was so painful as Iowa both called and executed a beautiful play on third and one. Nate Stanley executed a beautiful fake, and Penn State came crashing in to stop the run while Hockenson snuck behind the defense and was the most wide open any player can possibly be without evacuating the stadium. The only thing that was not executed was Stanley's throw as he horrifically overthrew him and cost Iowa an easy touchdown. That would have put Iowa up 21-7 and would have changed the complexion of the rest of the game.

Then on Iowa's final drive, Hockenson made an incredible catch while diving out of bounds. On review, it was borderline. Whatever happened to indisputable evidence? With my black and gold colored glasses, I saw it as a catch but can understand that it was close. Still, I have a hard time with that catch being overturned. TJ Hockenson did everything he could to execute on these two plays; it just wasn't meant to be.

Somehow, Iowa Still (basically) Controls Its Own Destiny
With Northwestern beating Wisconsin, it actually sets up pretty damn well for the Hawkeyes. If Iowa wins out, and Northwestern only loses to Iowa in conference play, even if Wisconsin wins out, it will leave three teams at 7-2 in the conference. With everyone going 1-1 in head-to-head matchups, Iowa should get the tiebreaker with the best overall record. So Big Ten Championship, here we come, somehow.

But yeah, that loss hurt.

How To Stop a Knife With Your Dick

Guys, even I'm having trouble fathoming the expertise it takes to pull off this move.

For a normal person, this is incredibly dangerous. If your penis is not trained, then it is unlikely that the penis will be able to grab onto a knife without causing great harm to your body. I hate to break it to you, but if you are not grabbing things with your dick, you are a penis pretender. The man above is not a penis pretender, and neither is this man.

If you can't lock somebody in an armbar and flip them using nothing but your penis, you probably shouldn't try stopping knives with your genitalia.

But what about the ladies? They're penis is an innie instead of an outtie. Although this trick is tough for the fellas, ladies could likely stop multiple knife attacks by attaching themselves to the knife and ripping it from the attacker. As the old saying goes, "Don't bring a knife to a gun fight...because some lady will steal your knife with her vagina."

The WWE Is Ruining... Randy Orton

As a pro wrestling fan, it is a part of our identity to always know how to utilize wrestlers better than the WWE. If WWE would just give me, random WWE fan, a job a the company, ratings would immediately rise to the levels of the Monday Night Wars, despite how television ratings have changed as a whole over the last 20 years. But until that happens, WWE will continue ruining our favorite wrestlers, and that is why it is time to point out the error in their ways. Because of WWE's incompetence, I am literally going to pick a wrestler at random and point out how they could be better utilized, because WWE is ruining everyone in one way or another.

Today, I look at the most accomplished full-time wrestler on the WWE roster, Mr. RKO, Randy Orton.

Randy Orton is a grand slam champion who has won a World Title 13 separate times, so he's had a pretty good run already. The thing is, the guy still looks great, and when motivated, seems to be able to put on top level matches. He's a physical presence that dwarfs most other wrestlers but can move with the best of them. On top of this, he possesses a natural charisma that is hard to find.

Despite all this, I don't give a shit about Randy Orton.

Part of this is that Randy Orton has been around forever, and he's fallen into this "sadistic" character that just wants to punish people. This worked when he was the legend killer, but him going on a grand slam of punting people in the face to now twisting people's earlobes and trying to turn Tye Dillinger into a hard 8 just feels...blah.

I will admit two things. Some people are into it, and it's not totally fair to say something sucks before it has had a chance to fully evolve. Clearly, this angle must be going somewhere, but at the end of the day, it's just not for me.

Instead, I want the WWE to go with the motto of, "What's old is new again." Randy Orton has always done his best work as a heel and part of a faction. Obviously, Evolution was not only the best group he was a part of, but also the best group Triple H was a part of as well. But Orton was also great with Legacy and The Authority. I think Orton might be a heel, but I'm honestly not even sure, because even if he is a heel, he's in that cool heel place that Randy Orton should never be. By all accounts, Orton is an entitled asshole and should never, ever be considered cool. Instead, let him embrace who he is, and let him embrace it with a faction to back him up.

The WWE has really steered away from factions recently. Even with groups like The Shield and New Day, that's only three guys, and because of the Horsemen, I feel like you need at least four guys to be a true faction. In fact, I think a good rule of thumb is whether you can hold all of the titles with separate guys. So, then the question becomes, how do you create a faction with Orton?

Obviously, my first thought was reboot Evolution. H is there, Flair isn't busy, and Batista might be game to show up a few times a year. But I feel like the WWE can do even better by creating a new group to surround Orton with. Here are my top 10 picks since I know WWE will need a lot of options to choose from.

1. EC3 - He'd be a perfect fit in a new Evolution-esque group.

2. Bobby Roode - Roode should be a heel, and he hasn't really shown main event potential, so putting him in a group would strengthen him.

3. Mike Kanellis - He's the representative who can get the 205 Live title. Did you know he was on 205 Live? Neither did I until Wikipedia told me, but this also would get them a valet for the group, making every wrestling fan yell, "Why is she with him?"

4. Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows - The Bullet Club ain't happening. Here's to a new group for these guys.

5. Bobby Lashley - Black Batista

6. The Mighty - Cocky tag team with accents seem like it could work.

7. Lars Sullivan - Terrifying enforcer who actually may have that Brock Lesnar feature where they are even scarier in a suit.

8. Mojo Rawley - Having a celebrity friend always makes people easy to dislike.

9. Baron Corbin - Just a naturally hateable guy who could be an enforcer.

10. Kona Reeves - If EC3 is unavailable, you could keep trying to make The Finest thing happen.

You put Orton as the leader of a group of 3-7 of these guys, and he's without a doubt a world champion contender who could make it so easy to actually cheer for the good guys that he is competing against. If he's in the championship picture, it elevates everyone around him as well giving legitimate contenders for secondary and tag titles.

The only way for Randy Orton to move forward is to look backward. I call this group...Devolution.

Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Bobby Lashley
Charlotte Flair
Dana Brooke
Dash Wilder
Kane
Kofi Kingston
Mickie James
Nia Jax
Peyton Royce
Scott Dawson
Tyler Breeze

The Future of The Elite

There are many things I would rather not think about involved in the world of professional wrestling. WWE in Saudi Arabia is high on that list, but still well behind Cesaro never being a World Champion. Don't waste your time thinking about those things, as they are depressing, and neither is likely to have a happy ending anytime soon. Still, there are fascinating things happening in professional wrestling, and at the top of that list is that seemingly all of the core members of The Elite, Kenny Omega, Cody (Rhodes), The Young Bucks, Marty Scurll, and Hangman Page are all about to become free agents in January 2019. For the purposes of this article, I am going to focus on Cody and The Young Bucks as they seem to have the most entrepreneurial spirit in the group.

This group has managed to transcend the non-WWE wrestling scene due to a combination of great wrestling but mostly due to a YouTube show called Being The Elite. If you have not watched the show, oh man, you are in for a treat. You should probably skip the first 40 or 50 episodes, because it's really just a travel vlog early on, but then they get more and more into storylines, and it's one of the best shows out there, not on YouTube, but anywhere. Like, if next week, Netflix announced that it bought the rights to Being The Elite, I'd just go, "Oh, yeah, that makes sense."

So now they not only have an audience of people who love professional wrestling, which is an incredibly important group that consistently will pay good money to support their obsession. They also have an audience of people who are way into these guys because of the characters they have created on their show.

This past September they tested the influence they had on professional wrestling by going from wrestlers to wrestlers/promoters with a show called All In that became the first show in the United States to have more than 10,000 fans since WCW shut down nearly 20 years ago. Oh, and it took them less than a half hour to sell out those seats.

After the show, Cody alluded to the fact that All In was more than just a supershow, it was a movement in pro wrestling. What also stood out is that Cody challenged and ended up winning the NWA World Heavyweight Title, a title that used to mean the best wrestler in the world, but now means the best wrestler at fairgrounds around the USA.

Now Cody will travel around a defend the belt, and I think this is all part of the plan for their 2019 decision. Instead of signing again with ROH/NJPW, heading to the WWE, I actually think the NWA is the model to follow for The Elite. I don't think the NWA organization truly matters, but instead of constantly putting on their own shows, the NWA lets other shows promote a match with their champion, free to take on anyone, anywhere without the pressure of consistently financing shows. Couldn't The Elite do the same thing, only on a much broader scale?

The Elite Heavyweight Champion could defend his title at NJPW, ROH, Impact, or even places like Revolution Pro, Progress, and MLW. The tag champs could do the same. The Young Bucks have consistently said that they love pro wrestling, but the travel is rough on them as it's not only traveling on planes around the world, but leaving their families for weeks at a time. Why should they do TV tapings and house shows when they could focus on only the most major events for the best organizations in the world? With Cody as the current NWA Champion, is this just him dipping his toe in the water to see the demand that he holds as a truly independent performer?

This also gives them the chance to ease into the promotional side of wrestling. It'd be insane for them to not do an All In 2. So maybe they look into expanding into two events in 2019, four events in 2020, and maybe getting into a monthly event by 2023. There is a chance that the Young Bucks or even Cody would strictly be promoters by that point in their careers.

The biggest issue that wrestling promotions have is trying to grow too big too fast. With wrestling still being their main income and being able to leverage their wrestling for working agreements to use any organization's talent for supershows, they don't have to rush in growing their organization and can let demand guide their growth.

And at that point, does WWE get to continue to pick the best talent out of the Indys as they please? Hell, does WWE even get to keep the talent they already have under contract? It's hard for me to see former indy darlings like Kevin Owens, Sami Zayn, and Cesaro not at least consider jumping ship to go back to a world with indy wrestling but now with major paydays.

For those wrestlers, it is by far the riskiest decision, but it also has an unbelievably high reward. Judging by their past, I don't think they're going to hesitate to go All In.

4 Takeaways from the Iowa / Maryland Game

Another week, and another impressive performance from the Hawkeyes. The offense has had the chance to shine the last couple weeks, but today, it was all about the defense in a 23-0 shutout of the Maryland Terrapins. This is the type of win that Kirk Ferentz truly loves, dominance on defense, dominance in the kicking game, and less than 100 yards passing. BIG TEN FOOTBALL. Here are my four takeaways from the game.

Parker Hesse Is Always There
I know I give a tremendous amount of love to AJ Epenesa, and yes, Epenesa is, by far, the most talented guy on the defensive line, but nobody maximizes their impact quite like Parker Hesse. This is a guy who is nonstop hustle and knows how to be in the right place at the right time. He blew up Maryland's jet sweep on multiple occasions and added a sack late in the third quarter on a third down play that had Maryland converted, they may have actually had a chance to score on the Iowa defense. It's rarely flashy, but Hesse has been starting for what feels like a decade, and I am going to miss that constant next season.

Chauncey Golston Deserves Some Love
As I stated above, AJ Epenesa is the freak; Parker Hesse has started forever, and both Nelsons are massive human beings, starters, and yet somehow not related. Iowa has eight defensive linemen rotating in, and I feel like Golston is the least talked about, but damn, that dude is legit. Every game, there is a split second where I ask myself who linebacker #57 is and why he's tearing it up in an opponents' backfield, but then I realize it's Golston who makes plays every game. His stat line of three tackles with one tackle for loss isn't going to jump off the page, but watching him play in and play out is impressive. Hell, his most impressive play was stopping an outside run in the backfield, the runner was able to jump out of Golston's grasp, but the rest of the defense, led by Epenesa cleaned up the mess. Still, it was Golston that made that play happen, and even with the turnover up front, the future of the defensive line is still bright for the foreseeable future.

Kirk Ferentz Loves Field Position
Although Iowa is more dynamic and aggressive on offense, Kirk probably hasn't noticed at all. He's just staring at the flags at the top of the stadium to judge that wind. When he's not lost in those flags, the man is only thinking about punting and gaining all of the slightest edges. We all know that punting is winning, but Kirk puts his kickers and punters in the best position possible by calling timeouts at the end of the first and third quarters in order to ensure that Iowa would have the wind, and Maryland would be fighting against it in the kicking game. This man doesn't care about a seven point advantage, but a seven yard advantage? That's why Kirk Ferentz got into coaching.

Where Is The Weakness?
Iowa just keeps kicking ass. They had almost no passing game today, and it didn't matter as there were enough other parts that stepped up to make this a stress-free victory. So outside of Iowa biffing multiple punt returns, how does this team lose? The passing game has an improved Nate Stanley throwing to great tight ends and a receiving corps that seems to make incremental improvements every week. The running game looks better and better as there is are usually two running backs delivering, and the offensive line has dominated the past couple weeks. On defense, the defensive line is phenomenal, the linebackers fill the role, and Amani Hooker being able to step up in the box against spread formations really helps with the defense's versatility. At corner, nobody is challenging Julius Brents which is a pretty damn good sign that he will never see the bench again in his Iowa career, and Riley Moss has improved each week, although I think I still feel more comfortable with Hankins if he is able to get healthy.

There are only two things that could sidetrack this team, and they both revolve around the quarterback. The first is Nate Stanley dropping from nine to seven hours of sleep, so hopefully things don't get too tough on him during the second half of the semester. The second is what we saw late in the game yesterday where not one but two backup quarterbacks were put in the game with Peyton Mansell and Spencer Petras. WHO IS THE TRUE #2? Will this divide the Iowa locker room?

If Stanley sleeps and no backup quarterback peeps, this will be a season with memories we will keep.

The WWE Is Ruining... Kofi Kingston

As a pro wrestling fan, it is a part of our identity to always know how to utilize wrestlers better than the WWE. If WWE would just give me, random WWE fan, a job a the company, ratings would immediately rise to the levels of the Monday Night Wars, despite how television ratings have changed as a whole over the last 20 years. But until that happens, WWE will continue ruining our favorite wrestlers, and that is why it is time to point out the error in their ways. Because of WWE's incompetence, I am literally going to pick a wrestler at random and point out how they could be better utilized, because WWE is ruining everyone in one way or another.

Hey mon, today, we look at the greatest Jamaican wrestler to ever abruptly lose his accent and become an American, Kofi Kingston, man.

One way that I like to look at these wrestlers is to imagine them in another organization and all of the amazing things that they could be doing in ROH, New Japan, etc. What would so-and-so do if they were a free agent? It's a fun exercise that is ultimately pointless, because the guy is still in the WWE. And yeah, there are plenty of exciting matches for Kofi in other organizations, but I don't really see him lighting the world on fire on the indies. Honestly, I think Kofi is a guy that is made for the WWE. This isn't a knock; in fact, it's a compliment, as very few can do their best in the biggest organization in the world. There are plenty of guys that have been or currently are in the WWE who have taken major steps back in their popularity; that's basically the whole reason I started writing this series. But Kofi seems to belong in the WWE structure.

The New Day may not be maximizing Kofi Kingston to his full potential, but if not, it's coming pretty damn close. I mean, The New Day has been together for four years, and they still manage to keep it fresh. Do some of their jokes fall flat? Of course, but their hit rate is exceptional, and I think more highly of each and every one of their members from their days before starting the faction. Kofi was always a guy that I saw as fine. He could do some cool jumpy stuff but never showed much personality, and now he's got the cool jumpy stuff but is also highly entertaining.

Really, what more would you want out of Kofi Kingston? Sure, he could be interesting as a singles competitor, but New Day is sticking together, and if somebody went the singles route, I wouldn't take Kofi as my top choice.

But really, Kofi is a highly effective tag wrestler who is putting on great matches while being entertaining outside of the ring.

So how is the WWE ruining Kofi Kingston? I kept trying to come up with something, but the simplest answer is that the WWE is not ruining Kofi Kingston. They are actually doing a great job and Kofi Kingston is his most awesome inside the WWE. That's a rarity, but let's celebrate. Great job, Kofi, and great job, WWE.

Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Bobby Lashley
Charlotte Flair
Dana Brooke
Dash Wilder
Kane
Mickie James
Nia Jax
Peyton Royce
Scott Dawson
Tyler Breeze

The WWE Is Ruining... Mickie James

As a pro wrestling fan, it is a part of our identity to always know how to utilize wrestlers better than the WWE. If WWE would just give me, random WWE fan, a job a the company, ratings would immediately rise to the levels of the Monday Night Wars, despite how television ratings have changed as a whole over the last 20 years. But until that happens, WWE will continue ruining our favorite wrestlers, and that is why it is time to point out the error in their ways. Because of WWE's incompetence, I am literally going to pick a wrestler at random and point out how they could be better utilized, because WWE is ruining everyone in one way or another.

Today, we focus on a woman who already belongs in the Hall of Fame but is still going strong, Mickie James.

Mickie James originally debuted in 2005 with the WWE and was a top female in the company through 2010. The WWE released her in 2010, because they thought she was washed up. Six years later, after Mickie James continued to tear it up on the independents and with TNA/Impact, they gave her a single match against Asuka on an NXT special. She did enough where WWE righted its wrong and signed her to a long-term deal.

But now it seems that the WWE doesn't really know what to do with the six-time women's/divas champion. She's just been humming along as a non-important second to Alexa Bliss. That still keeps her higher on the food chain than Alicia Fox, but that isn't saying a ton.

Right now, the Raw women's division is kind of stuck, because they have Ronda Rousey. Rousey is great as she is super over as a dominant champion, but anytime you have that dominant of a force as your champion, it leaves a lot of people in limbo. Currently, Mickie James is Alexa Bliss's number two, and you can't even sell a rematch with Rousey and Alexa Bliss at this moment, so there ain't no way you can bump Mickie James into that spot. If she isn't fighting for an eventual title shot, what is she fighting for? That's the big conundrum with a lot of women on the roster. Luckily, I have a solution.

What the Raw women's division needs is a secondary title. A Women's Intercontinental Championship would be pretty damn sweet. WWE is really struggling to find motivation for any woman not involved in the pursuit of the world title, so adding a secondary title would be an easy way to give simple motivations for the female competitors.

Now, am I saying that Mickie James definitely needs to become the first ever Women's Intercontinental Champion? No, but why couldn't she be in the hunt for it? Mickie James is the kind of wrestler than anyone can feud with. Alexa Bliss could become jealous of her having a title and challenge for it. Bayley or Sasha Banks could challenge as a new blood needs to take out the old blood. Natalya could challenge if...they need to get Natalya on TV for some reason. The possibilities are truly endless. And even if she doesn't have the title, she is an ideal challenger for anyone who create a good feud and be a believable challenger to take an Intercontinental Title.

Right now, the WWE does not have an environment that is conducive to more than three women being important at a time. Adding a title is the ideal solution for someone like Mickie James, who wasn't washed up when the WWE got rid of her, and who still isn't done eight years later.

Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Bobby Lashley
Charlotte Flair
Dana Brooke
Dash Wilder
Kane
Nia Jax
Peyton Royce
Scott Dawson
Tyler Breeze

4 Takeaways from the Iowa / Indiana Game

Another week, another dominant win for the Iowa Hawkeyes, and it's always nice to be able to go into these things with only positive things on my mind. Let's go over the things that stood out from the 42-16 win over the Hoosiers.

Offensive Line Domination
This was the best game Iowa's offensive line has played this season as they absolutely dominated Indiana up front. Not only did Nate Stanley have plenty of time, but both Toren Young and Mekhi Sargent had huge holes to run through the entire game. The entire game is one of the big keys as Iowa's offensive line has really done its best work by wearing down teams in the first half before getting those big runs in the second half. In this one, they dominated from play one. Still, the best moment was near the end of the game. Iowa faced a 3rd and 13, and it was clear that they decided to just go for a field goal and called a run play. The only problem was the offensive line dominated to such an extent that Mekhi Sargent went for 14 yards and kept the drive alive for Nate Stanley to get his sixth touchdown pass. When Iowa is doing their conservative play calls, and they're still leading to big plays, things are going really, really well up front.

The Underrated Linebackers
I would just like to take some time to give some love to Iowa's linebackers. It was by far the biggest question mark heading into this season as the Hawkeyes graduated all three starters from last year. The most sure thing, Amani Jones, lost his job after one game. His replacement, Jack Hockaday, got injured, and yet Iowa still kept marching on. Even though Iowa primarily played two linebackers today in Kristian Welch, and Dijmon Colbert, they know where to be and just don't make big mistakes. Competence is an underrated attribute as these guys knowing where to be means that it's really hard to exploit any specific aspect of the Iowa defense.

Amani Hooker Makes the Defense
The reason Iowa was only able to play two linebackers for most of the game was that Amani Hooker basically acted as a third linebacker in Iowa's defense, and this forced change may be the best thing to happen to Iowa. Playing two linebackers and Hooker at the nickel back position means that Iowa doesn't give up a noticeable amount in the run game while being much, much better in defending the pass. Iowa has always struggled with the changing college football game as teams are able to spread out Iowa and attack the linebackers with speedy receivers, but with Hooker in the game, it diminishes those opportunities. Also, at safety, up in the box, hell, probably even on the defensive line, Hooker just knows where to be on a football field, and he can consistently make plays because of that. Iowa had two safeties with interceptions today, and Hooker was still not just the best safety on the field, but maybe the best defensive player period. He's the puzzle piece that completes the defensive picture for the Hawkeyes.

We Want Bama
I'm only half joking. I watch this Iowa team, and it has gone from, "Is this team really freaking good?" to "Holy shit, this team is really freaking good." Iowa gave away that Wisconsin game which sucks, but it's not all that hard to see Wisconsin losing twice on the B1G schedule while Iowa has a legitimate chance to run the table. They will be heavy favorites in every game but at Penn State, and Penn State is a very good team, but I'm honestly not sure if they are better than Iowa. The offensive line is improving, the tight ends are unstoppable, the running game is solid, Brandon Smith has given Iowa  legitimate receiver, and Nate Stanley has shown tremendous improvement throughout this season and just keeps getting better. Also, the defense, especially with a healthy Matt Hankins (I have a suspicion that Julius Brents may have usurped Ojemudia as the other starter) is downright terrifying. Run the table, and then take out Ohio State, why can't we take on Bama in the Playoff? And up until that last sentence, it's not just me being a homer; this Iowa team looks special, and I am so excited for the rest of the season. 

Fedor vs. Chael Sonnen Is Stupid and Wonderful

After the electric fight weekend that UFC 229 provided, both in and out of the cage, Bellator is following that up with not one but two cards. There are some well known fighters competing like Roy Nelson, Benson Henderson, and Kimbo Slice's son. The most important fight is likely Matt Mitrione vs. Ryan Bader as the winner will be the favorite to win Bellator's heavyweight tournament. But when it comes to Bellator, I don't care about importance, I care about freakshows, and Fedor Emelianenko vs. Chael Sonnen is my ideal freakshow fight.

Fedor's last impressive performance was in 2010. Most people would argue that it was actually 2009, but Fedor was whooping Werdum's ass before recklessly getting caught in a triangle choke. At the same time, his last impressive win may have been all the way back in 2005 when he fought Cro Cop in a legendary match. In between then and now, he's tattooed more cans than Campbell's (yes, I know that's a very forced joke and only semi makes sense, but it's my best an effort). That has led to Fedor winning six of his last seven, and the only one he lost nearly ended in a double knockout.

Meanwhile, Chael Sonnen is practically still in his prime as his last impressive performance and quality win happened just five years ago when he somehow choked out Mauricio "Shogun" Rua. I had completely forgotten about that, but damn, that shit is impressive. He is also on a two-fight win streak beating Wanderlei Silva and Quinton "Rampage" Jackson in fights that...happened. If I had to say something positive about them, I would say they were...televised? TV exposure is cool, I guess.

Anyway, I know I have spent the last two paragraphs shitting on these guys, but let me get to the point. I love both of them. In his prime, Fedor Emelianenko was a cyborg of violence who victimized his opponents without showing the faintest hint of emotion. his workmanlike attitude just added beauty to the violence he was inflicting upon his opponents. It was one of those things that you couldn't take your eyes off of, and his string of dominance to start his career is probably only matched by Jon Jones.

And then there's Chael Sonnen. Chael Sonnen is not a legendary fighter, but he will be remembered. Chael Sonnen nearly won two different titles with the UFC. His beatdown of Anderson Silva will always be remembered, as he was less than two minutes from a dominant decision win before getting caught in a triangle choke. He was actually closer to beating Jon Jones in their light heavyweight title match, although in a very different way. Sonnen got his ass whooped for four and half minutes before the ref stopped the fight, but had he lasted 30 more seconds, the ref would have had to call off the fight as somehow Jon Jones broke his big toe while whooping Sonnen's ass. It would have been the most Chael Sonnen way possible to win a title, and I am so disappointed it didn't go down that way.

Usually, it is uncomfortable to watch guys fight who are well past their prime, but I'm actually at peace with this fight. Chael Sonnen has somehow survived his long career in mixed martial arts without taking very many beatings, and he's smart enough to even admit that he is scared of Fedor's power as getting knocked out is not a great experience, especially for someone who really wants to avoid brain damage. On the other hand, Fedor is clearly a shell of himself after going through many wars in the cage and ring. Even when he won, he rarely exited unscathed. Luckily, Chael Sonnen is not the type of fighter to lay the hammer to Fedor. Even when Sonnen gets his opponent down, he plays it safe on top to maintain position and avoid submission which means that his ground and pound is closer to a pillow fight.

So what's going to happen? I actually see it as very close to Khabib/McGregor, in a much less skilled way, of course. Sonnen's wrestling should be good enough to mostly control where the fight takes place, but while it is on the feet, Fedor has the one punch power to end it at any time. Much like I leaned Khabib last week, I'll lean Sonnen this week, but neither outcome would surprise me. Even if the fight technically sucks, I'll still love it, because it's not about the fight, it's about the spectacle, and this fight will certainly deliver on that.

How To Stop A Knife Attack...With Your Butt

There are many defenses against a knife. Most rely on lightning quick handwork that will disarm the assailant. But not everyone is born with lightning quick hands. But they are blessed with a little something called a badonkadonk. And if you happen to be one of those people, then you are in luck.

You may think that jamming your body into a knife is a great way to get sodomized by a knife, but that's the worst case scenario. Much, MUCH more likely is that they have the blade parallel to your body so you have nothing to fear. You could easily disarm someone just by twerking the blunt side of the blade right out of their hand. At that point, the only blunt object you have to worry about is the boner in their pants as your assailant will inevitably fall in love with you.

The WWE Is Ruining... Kane

As a pro wrestling fan, it is a part of our identity to always know how to utilize wrestlers better than the WWE. If WWE would just give me, random WWE fan, a job a the company, ratings would immediately rise to the levels of the Monday Night Wars, despite how television ratings have changed as a whole over the last 20 years. But until that happens, WWE will continue ruining our favorite wrestlers, and that is why it is time to point out the error in their ways. Because of WWE's incompetence, I am literally going to pick a wrestler at random and point out how they could be better utilized, because WWE is ruining everyone in one way or another.

Today, it is time to talk about the devil's favorite demon, KANE.

How is the WWE ruining Kane? Well, first off, this mayor of "Knox County," Tennessee is soooo dumb. Politics gimmicks never work, because they're always fake, and they're always stupid. Remember Hulk hogan running for president, or Bob Backlund running for president, or Linda McMahon running for congress? All fake and all dumb. This one is even dumber as they are claiming that he actually won the election. Yeah, and I'm the mayor of Parts Unknown.

There is only one thing that can take Kane or his new gimmick of Glenn Jacobs (what a stupid name for a mayor), and that is getting him a secretary. A secretary could bring out his worst instincts and help him turn back into the devil's favorite demon. But who should that secretary be? There is really only one choice.

Katie Vick.

I mean, it's perfect. The dead, possibly raped, body of Kane's former lover coming back from the dead to help him find his inner demon. Now, outside of Triple H mimicking sex with a dummy in a casket, we have never had a physical form to Ms. Vick. That may seem like a problem, but it's actually a huge opportunity as you could literally put anyone in that spot. If you don't think anyone can live up to the hype, make her a character like Vera from Cheers where she is only offscreen, pulling the strings.

Everyone agrees that Kane was at his best when Katie Vick was involved, and if you bring Vick back, there is no ceiling on his potential. Even if Katie Vick was a little crass for your personal tastes, you've gotta admit, it's a whole lot better than this Glenn Jacobs - Knox County Mayor gimmick, right?

Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Bobby Lashley
Charlotte Flair
Dana Brooke
Dash Wilder
Nia Jax
Peyton Royce
Scott Dawson
Tyler Breeze

The WWE Is Ruining... Dana Brooke

As a pro wrestling fan, it is a part of our identity to always know how to utilize wrestlers better than the WWE. If WWE would just give me, random WWE fan, a job a the company, ratings would immediately rise to the levels of the Monday Night Wars, despite how television ratings have changed as a whole over the last 20 years. But until that happens, WWE will continue ruining our favorite wrestlers, and that is why it is time to point out the error in their ways. Because of WWE's incompetence, I am literally going to pick a wrestler at random and point out how they could be better utilized, because WWE is ruining everyone in one way or another.

Today, we focus on another women's wrestler, and maybe the fittest woman on the roster, at least according to her success in fitness competitions, Dana Brooke.

Dana Brooke was originally brought up to be Emma's number two, but instead that gimmick took a number two when Emma got hurt one week after Brooke debuted. This left Brooke with nothing to do, and man has it showed, as she's been around for a year and a half, and it is tough to pick out a memorable impact she has had on the main roster.

They tried to make her Charlotte's protege for a while. She then turned on Charlotte after being repeatedly demeaned by her mentor. This led to her having a triple threat match for a shot at Charlotte, but she lost, so she's still waiting to give Charlotte her comeuppance. I can't wait for the WWE to wrap up that storyline.

Then, she found herself in #1 contender's matches nearly every month for a while after that. This sounds good, but they always involved anywhere from three to six women, and she was mostly there to take pins so...not exactly setting the world on fire. But things were about to change for Dana Brooke. For the better? Uh, that's debatable.

Dana Brooke joined up with Titus Worldwide as a secretary. That would be a very attitude era thing to happen, as then she could take her clothes off, much like Stacy Keibler's entire gimmick early on. But we are living in a different era, so Dana Brooke being a secretary just meant that now she had glasses and a notepad. I would say more about this period, but outside of Royal Rumbles and Battle Royals, nothing happened.

So now she has left Titus Worldwide, which is good, but what can you do with someone like Dana Brooke? Now this is definitely going to sound like a knock, and to a certain extent it is, but Dana Brooke does not belong in the title picture. But there is still value in what she can supply to the WWE. Really, I think the WWE had her pegged correctly when they initially introduced her. Let her be the muscle to help out another wrestler. Alexa Bliss already has a full stable of cronies with Mickie James and Alicia Fox, but a pairing with a heel Sasha Banks could make both seem formdiable. They're not going to let Ronda Rousey lose without shenanigans, so a Banks win isn't happening without help, but Brooke is ideal to provide that sort of help. If you don't go that route, have her help out Bianca Bel Air when she gets called up. Not that Bel Air needs the help as she is UN-DUH-FEAT-ED.

Still, Brooke can be valuable as a heel helper, and you can always give her wins over Natalya or Brie Bella, because they aren't really title contenders either, so they can have some secondary feuds.

Right now, the WWE is getting no value out of Dana Brooke, and that is a missed opportunity. With some slight changes and the alignment with a strong female, she can be an intimidating force. Not everyone gets to be a champion, but that doesn't mean she can't still influence things at the top of the card. Don't book it, Brooke It.

Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Bobby Lashley
Charlotte Flair
Dash Wilder
Nia Jax
Peyton Royce
Scott Dawson
Tyler Breeze

5 Takeaways from the Iowa / Minnesota Game

Iowa overcame all the odds and somehow managed to win a game after a bye week. Although the final score was 48-31, that doesn't show how dominant Iowa managed to be in this game.. Here are my five takeaways from Iowa keeping Floyd of Rosedale with its proper owners.

Nate Stanley Is Improving
The most lasting memory from this game may be Nate Stanley's awful interception, but I'm going to chalk that up to a case of Nate Stanley hearing how awful Minnesota is at football and truly testing the limits of how awful they could be. It turns out they can catch an interception if you gently loft it directly into their chest. Good to know.

But the biggest takeaway is that Nate Stanley has improved leaps and bounds from last year in his ability to move within the pocket. He is seeing pressure and stepping up while keeping his eyes down the field, and it was instrumental in keeping Iowa marching down the field.

Feeling the pressure is still an issue as it led to a fumble and an errant throw, but considering the improvement that he has made in handling pressure, I certainly won't bet against him in getting a better feel for pressure. Nate Stanley is getting better, and that should make future Iowa opponents very concerned.

Trick Plays Are Fun When They Work
Could Iowa craft an entire offense out of plays where the offensive line is far away from the center? I think so. Anyway, the trick play for a TJ Hockenson touchdown was magnificent, and I enjoyed it so, so much. But I heard a lot of people complaining that it was "wasted" on Minnesota. Iowa showed they were way better than Minnesota, but that trick play meant that I could relax when Nate Stanley had a turnover, so it was totally worth it. Also, this trick play worked to perfection, and it gained four yards. It looked like if Hockenson needed to, he is getting five, maybe six yards. If we don't use that play then, when exactly are we going to find a more ideal time to use it? Just be happy and enjoy the good times, and know that LeVar Woods has at least 30 more of these.

Julius Brents...Yes Please
(Insert Heart Emoji Eyes Here) My God, Julius Brents. Minnesota tried multiple strategies against Brents yesterday. The first was to avoid him at all costs. That strategy was definitely the most effective. The second strategy was try to throw his way. That strategy led to Brents continually breaking up passes and making an incredible interception. And this is not a man who has grinded with the program and refined his skills. He is a true freshman who made his first start yesterday. Iowa has had some incredible defensive backs. Bob Sanders, the criminally underrated Jovon Johnson, and Desmond King and Josh Jackson over the last couple years. Brents showed the skills where he could be mentioned along those greats at the end of his Iowa tenure. I already love this guy.

Riley Moss - The Best Bad Debut Ever
Instead of attacking Brents, they went after another Freshman making his first start, Riley Moss. Now, anytime a white cornerback shows up, all simple football brains must immediately think, "Is this the next Jason Sehorn?" As an Iowa fan, I realized that Adam Shada was a very real possibility, and that is more what we got. Minnesota went after Moss, and they had a lot of success doing it. Even addressing the bad, it's still good to see that his fundamentals were strong and he was staying close to guys, just not quite close enough.

On the bright side, he ended up with two interceptions, and interceptions are the ultimate way to judge a good cornerback. Therefore, as much as I like Julius Brents, I must admit that Moss is twice as good.

In all seriousness, Moss played admirably, but he's not quite ready for the big time. Still, two interceptions is really freaking cool, so good for him.

Shout Out to TJ Hockenson
I just want to give a shout out to TJ Hockenson as the Iowa pass catcher that I trust the most. If I see a ball thrown near Hockenson, I have so much confidence that he can actually come down with it, where I don't have anywhere near that confidence with anybody else. Brandon Smith might be second in my completely arbitrary rankings, but let's shout out Hockenson, Iowa's other tight end, because he's a guy who knows how to create separation and catch footballs. Noah Fant may be the most talented tight end in Iowa history (I know that's a bold statement, but NFL.com currently ranked him as the sixth best prospect in the nation), but Hockenson ensures that even though Fant will be missed, it won't likely be a huge dropoff in production.

Khabib Nurmagomedov vs. Conor McGregor - Who Wins?

Tonight is the night of one of the most anticipated fights in UFC history. For the casual fan, it might be the biggest fight ever as McGregor has become the biggest crossover star in UFC history. Bigger than Lesnar, bigger than Rousey, even bigger than Aaron Brink (this is obviously figuratively, not literally). Meanwhile, Khabib Nurmagomedov is his greatest challenger. Not only does this fight have a ton of hype, but it is also incredibly interesting as both fighters have a way to win.

Each fighter's goal is obvious. For McGregor, he needs to keep distance and stay on his feet as he is vastly superior as a striker. I have been a McGregor hater for a long time as I continue to underestimate the guy. This is me being very dumb and also being slow to recognize that his training methods, although sometimes silly as shit, have been incredibly effective. Conor has always had power, but his movement in the cage and his ability for lightning quick strikes have gotten leaps and bounds better, and that is why he has had continued success despite most people feeling he is fairly one dimensional. "All you have to do is take him down," they say. But that is far easier said than done.

Meanwhile, Khabib has the opposite goal. Close the distance. That's it. It's not even getting takedowns, because those will happen if he can close the distance, but even in the clinch, McGregor is going to be so preoccupied with staying on his feet that Khabib can dominate McGregor without ever getting him to the mat. But if Nurmagomedov does get him on the ground? Oh yeah, McGregor is fucked. That's not because McGregor is incompetent on the ground; it's that everybody gets dominated when Khabib puts them on the mat. His positioning and body control are a thing of beauty, and it allows him to rain down strikes no matter how his opponent tries to escape.

McGregor is unmatched on the feet, and Khabib is unmatched on the ground. It is as basic of a matchup as the first UFC cards, just that these guys are using such advanced weapons that it's almost unrecognizable that the fights from 25 years ago are even the same sport from the fights today. And that classic contrast just adds to the excitement, as even though this fight is close on paper, it's really tough to see one guy not dominating the other. Somebody is going to figure out their game plan, and once they do, that other guy is screwed.

Ultimately, I am going to risk underestimating McGregor again, and I'm going with Khabib. Khabib's defense is very suspect standing up, but nobody has been able to take real advantage of it. Khabib isn't just undefeated; he's never lost a round to any of his opponents. McGregor is the best striker he's ever faced, but that's because McGregor is on an Anderson Silva level of striking these days where he can flick jabs with such lightning precision that they can drop opponents. Still, Khabib is in a good camp, and I just see him finding a way to get inside and take McGregor down. Once he has a chance to beat on McGregor, it'll take some pep out of his step, and it's just going to get easier from there. McGregor is incredible, but he can be physically broken. He got broken by Diaz in their first fight; he got broken by Mayweather, and I see him getting broken by Khabib tonight. I'm not counting McGregor out, but I have to pick Khabib. The only outcome I'd be surprised with is that if this fight goes the distance as either McGregor knocks out Khabib or Khabib breaks McGregor.

It's as simple as that, and I can't wait.

How To Defend Against Guns...And HUGS

Guns are scary, right? If somebody pointed a gun at you, would you know what to do? It may seem like insurmountable odds, but there is a method that will neutralize any shooter. The somersault.

How to work against a gun, as well as couple coronal techniques! #dumbassmartialarts #bullshit #workagainstgun #workagainstgun #fighting pic.twitter.com/Jg5OyqbZH3

— Dumbass Martial Arts (@DumbassMA) July 4, 2017

It's pretty simple. You just somersault, and the shooter will no longer be aiming his gun at you. He will still be aiming at chest level, but your chest is now on the ground, so he won't come close to hitting you. The beauty of the somersault as opposed to a simple sprawl is that you have now closed the distance and set yourself up for a brutal kick to the nuts.

Afterwards, you may be tempted to try to disarm the man with the gun. Don't even worry about that part. Instead, stand up and try a very awkward neck takedown that has never been used effectively in mankind's history. But mankind has never seen a person like you, and you are the one that will make great use of this. Obviously, after your neck takedown, you should go back to the nut strikes. The assailant will only be able to sadly cradle his gun, because you have destroyed his frank and beans with your vicious elbows. Chicks, dudes, and even some farm animals will totally want to bang you.

And folks, I have some wonderful news. We have a second technique to talk about.

As with the gun problem, we all know that we can be killed with violence. But there is also an expression of "Kill them with kindness." This may not seem like a literal issue, but it actually is. Have you ever found yourself trapped in a group hug? It can be terrifying, but fear not, my beautiful friend. There is hope.

You just twist as hard as you can and turn their love against them. Haha, look at those suckers who just wanted to show that they cared. Now the only thing they'll be caring for is their wounds from their vicious fall to the ground. It is the best revenge against family and friends. Afterwards, you can say something cool like, "Love hurts, motherfucker."

The WWE Is Ruining... Charlotte Flair

As a pro wrestling fan, it is a part of our identity to always know how to utilize wrestlers better than the WWE. If WWE would just give me, random WWE fan, a job a the company, ratings would immediately rise to the levels of the Monday Night Wars, despite how television ratings have changed as a whole over the last 20 years. But until that happens, WWE will continue ruining our favorite wrestlers, and that is why it is time to point out the error in their ways. Because of WWE's incompetence, I am literally going to pick a wrestler at random and point out how they could be better utilized, because WWE is ruining everyone in one way or another.

Today, we go with the queen bee of the women's division, Charlotte Flair.

Charlotte Flair has, without a doubt, been the most important wrestler of the WWE's women's movement. I'm pretty sure she's been the first everything outside of the Fabulous Moolah, wait, not so fast, non-memorial Women's Battle Royal, and the only reason she didn't win that was because she was busy ending a historical undefeated streak and turning Asuka into someone who cannot overcome someone cosplaying her or the undeniable talents of Carmella.

But I've got to admit, this one is going to be short, because the WWE isn't really ruining Charlotte Flair. I can't say that pushing someone too much is ruining them, because she's kept the top spot, has entertaining matches, and people care about Charlotte. If she gets pushed to the moon, good for her.

The only thing I can really offer is a slight adjustment to her character. When Charlotte walks into a room, she's a damn presence. She is tall, blonde, and I mean this as a compliment, built like a brick shithouse. That makes her a tad tough to relate to, as most of us are not physical marvels. So just let her be a heel. Let her be a shitty person. Let her worry about material things. In short, let her be a Flair.

If she's a Flair, it's kind of an ideal feud for Becky Lynch, and those two could go off and on for years and still keep it fresh. Obviously, those two are your alphas, but you can still work in others to keep things interesting. Still, just make Charlotte a true Flair, but everything else seems to be going pretty well. Nice job, WWE.

Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Bobby Lashley
Dash Wilder
Nia Jax
Peyton Royce
Scott Dawson
Tyler Breeze

The WWE Is Ruining... The Revival

As a pro wrestling fan, it is a part of our identity to always know how to utilize wrestlers better than the WWE. If WWE would just give me, random WWE fan, a job a the company, ratings would immediately rise to the levels of the Monday Night Wars, despite how television ratings have changed as a whole over the last 20 years. But until that happens, WWE will continue ruining our favorite wrestlers, and that is why it is time to point out the error in their ways. Because of WWE's incompetence, I am literally going to pick a wrestler at random and point out how they could be better utilized, because WWE is ruining everyone in one way or another.

Today, I continue the series with Scott Dawson and Dash Wilder. Before we get started, I think we need to recognize F...T...R. In the words of Flip Gordon, Forever The Revival.

I will admit that I got very nervous about last week's Raw in writing this column. The Revival got a tag title match against McZiggler, and they had me believing that they might actually win the thing. It was a great match and definitely the highlight of Raw. Hell, it may have been the highlight of the last six months of Raw, but unfortunately, they fell short. Now, I say unfortunately, as that's how I feel in the grand scheme of things, but fortunately for me in writing this article as otherwise, I really wouldn't have had much to say.

Since being called up, the WWE has done close to nothing with them. I really think last week was by far their biggest moment. They couldn't even beat the B Team, they've had their asses kicked by a bunch of old dudes on the 25th Anniversary of Raw, but WWE can't take total blame as The Revival has had terrible injury luck since getting called up, and it's tough to give a big push to a team that can't wrestle.

But that last word is key: Wrestle. These boys can flat out put on amazing matches, but they just haven't had the chance to do that. Honestly, when I looked up their win-loss record, it's actually pretty decent, but they manage to make every win as unimportant as possible. They also do them no favors by putting them against teams that are pretty bland wrestlers. B-Team, Gallows/Anderson, Bray/Matt Hardy are all fine, but can you name any memorable matches that those teams have put on? Hell, if you take out matches at The Hardy Compound, the only memorable matches any of those guys have had are the ones that are laughably bad from Bray Wyatt. 

So, my simplistic and novel solution is put The Revival against actual tag teams. The Raw roster should work perfect for them as The Revival could put on great matches with AOP, and I would very much like to see them take on a reunited American Alpha. Plus, a fun one in my head is Revival vs. Lashley and Lio Rush. And although it may not be on the level of the previous options, Breezango could definitely put on a fun match with them when Fandango gets back. And considering the depth of talent in the tag division of NXT, there are plenty of options for future opponents as well.

If you're looking for a bold move for The Revival, I have a plan. Give them another shot at the tag titles and have them win it. Then, with Dean Ambrose needing some gold, he tags up with Seth Rollins to take on The Revival. Obviously, The Revival wins, and Ambrose blames Rollins for the loss as he's just concerned about his singles title instead of helping Dean get gold, and yes, The Revival is the reason for The Shield to breakup.

I'm not saying you have to do that, but giving the 15 minutes to wrestle matches, even if they can't immediately be for the title, just seeing these guys wrestle as a well-oiled machine will get fans behind them, and they'll be the bad guy tag team that we boo vociferously, but we do it for the fun of booing, as we all secretly love everything they do in the ring. 

FTR - FOREVER THE REVIVAL


Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Bobby Lashley
Nia Jax
Peyton Royce
Tyler Breeze