Sunday, September 15, 2013

5 Thoughts on Iowa vs. Iowa State

1. Very impressed with Rudock on his first drive. He showed some mobility, had some pocket presence, and yes, there is room for growth, but he was solid in all areas. The one really weird thing early on is it looked like he was doing three-step drops when the routes were designed for five-step drops. He wasn't firing quick enough, so it would have been more beneficial to have him drop back more and give him room to step into his throws. That pocket was really tight.

On the other hand, he looked off the chain when rolling out of the pocket. It's a good move for young quarterbacks, because it cuts the field in half and gives them a simple high-low read.

2. I love fullbacks. Adam Cox did a great job opening up some holes for the Iowa halfbacks.

3. Iowa dominated the line play in the first half.

4. One thing that bothered me about Weisman is that in the second half he allowed defenders to get under him and push him to the side instead of getting low and falling forward for an extra yard. I think it had to do with fatigue, since I noticed it primarily in the second half, but that's a sign to give Daniels some of those carries.

5. Iowa won, and that is good. They only won by 6, which a lot of people are saying is bad, but I would just look at it as not as good as it could have been. A win's a win, and Iowa thoroughly outplayed Iowa State for the first 53 minutes. They probably should have been up by four or five touchdowns. Instead, they were up by 20 points and played a very safe style of football. Both the offense and defense failed in just about every aspect in those last seven minutes, and it could have cost them had Iowa State gotten two onside kicks. Let's be honest though, sometimes things go wrong, and Iowa failed to receive yet another onside kick, which is bad, but at least they got the second one. And they won the game; that's all that really matters.

Iowa is never going to win style points, so who cares? They went on the road and won against a BCS Conference team. Yes, Iowa State sucks (I think most sane Cyclone fans would agree with that), but Iowa is nothing special either. 7-5 is the goal at this point, because that would mean a .500 record in conference, which is by no means guaranteed, since right now, I can only really see them favored against Minnesota and Purdue.

But with that being said, they got the win, and they are far more fun to watch this year than they were last year. Is it a great time to be a Hawkeye? Not really, but it ain't bad, and after last year, I'll take it.

7 College Football Thoughts For Week 3 - Scouting Quarterbacks

1. First off, I was very underwhelmed by Brett Hundley. I know he won the game and by a large margin, but Nebraska's defense is just terrible. Hundley was just locking in on receivers and hesitating for a split second before throwing the ball. If the defense was reading his eyes at all, they were able to break on the ball before it was even in the air. When he actually did scan the field, it was never smooth and looked very robotic.

Hundley did show good mobility throughout the game and he seemed to have decent pocket awareness. One thing that I do wonder is whether he might be better with more pressure. He seemed to hold onto the ball long, because he had no pressure and maybe he would make quicker decisions and throws if he was forced to.

The good news is that he does have a good arm on him. He threw some nice balls and showed good accuracy for the most part. I would have liked to see more routes where he was forced to lead his receivers, but they threw a lot of curls and comebacks throughout the game. His touchdown pass down the near sideline was a thing of beauty.

2. Taylor In all seriousness, he does a nice job in that offense, and he was pretty accurate early on, but the T-Magic stopped working in the second half. Also, he will always have two games a year where it's just brutal to watch him. Also, the arm strength isn't there for him to be a real quarterback prospect at the next level.

3. Teddy Bridgewater, on the other hand, is fun to watch. He is so smooth. He is able to go through his reads, and is willing to throw the ball away if nothing is there. Kentucky did a really nice job of taking away his first options and not letting him get anything deep, but he was willing to check down and take the gains that were open underneath. On top of that, he does some nice work with his play action where he will really hold that ball out until the last possible moment before keeping it for the pass play. Basically, just about everything about him is fantastic. He leads people  in stride, can throw it down field, it's all there. I love Clowney, but I have a very tough time believing that Bridgewater won't be the first pick in the draft.

4. For Blake Bell, I didn't watch a ton of the game, but man, that guy really floats his balls down the field. That won't work at the next level, but he was pretty damn accurate from what I saw, and if he can keep that up, Oklahoma has a good shot at the Big 12 title. He's not much of a prospect at the next level, but it's still fine to enjoy him for what he is.

5. Johnny Manziel was pretty impressive early on. Showing great accuracy when throwing the ball down the field. He was just tearing up Alabama with man-to-man, because he was either finding an open guy or was able to scramble, because everyone in coverage had their back to him. He was just taking his time and carving things up. His passes were incredibly accurate. It was all good.

Okay, so that stupid throw. It was 3rd and 8, so even if it gets picked, it doesn't really cost them that much, because they were going to be too far out for a field goal. They're looking at a pooch punt or a 4th and 8, which, even though he was rolling, is not an easy conversion. That being said, I think Johnny Manziel is just a madman who doesn't give a shit about anything, and none of that was actually going through his head. He really just wanted to make a play.

His interception in the end zone wasn't that bad. Not a great throw, but it wasn't done out of cockiness, as the CBS announcers stated. He just overthrew it a little and his receiver badly misjudged it. His interception at the beginning of the third quarter was much worse as he forced a ball into coverage, under threw the pass, and paid for it on a tip. His problem was that he was so successful throwing the ball down the field early on that he just kept doing it, and it eventually caught up to him. Also, the breaks just did not go their way, as Alabama really only stopped them with good defense on one drive in the first half. Otherwise, they were hurt by penalties, that first interception, and running out of time at the end of the half.

6. A.J. McCarron is solid in all aspects of the game. The arm strength is not going to wow you, but he knows what he's doing out there. He makes quick decisions in everything that he does. He also does a very good job of reading a defense before the ball is snapped to put him in a position to succeed. The toughest thing about scouting McCarron is he is surrounded by players on offense that are way better than any players he could face on defense. This is just as unique of a situation as trying to scout Marcus Mariota and the offense that Oregon runs to give them an advantage. I don't think he's been as good this year as he was last year, but the core skills are there for him to be successful.

7. I have heard Marcus Mariota rumored as a top QB prospect, and although I like him for the Eagles at the next level, I do not see him as a big time prospect for most teams. He's a fine thrower, but it is tough to put pressure on Oregon, and he showed an extreme lack of pocket awareness against Tennessee. I'll admit to seeing only about five plays from him in that game, but those are my initial thoughts from my limited view of him. 

Friday, September 13, 2013

A Guide For Grooms: Wedding Planning

Throughout this entire wedding process, I have told anyone who would listen that, “I have been dreaming of this day since I was a wee little boy.” I will also randomly warn people that they better not ruin my special day. Sometimes people take me seriously, and that is awesome. In all reality, I only care about the following three things:

1. My bride.
2. My friends having a good time.
3. Food.

I know I should include family on there somewhere, but the place could burn down in the middle of the reception, and my Mom would still say it was one of the best parties she’s ever been to. She’s an incredibly positive person. Everybody else will fall in line.

Now you are going to have to put in some work on this thing, but there are ways to survive this process with minimal effort. Take easy jobs or things that you are interested in. Since I care about food, I told my lady that I would make the decision on that. I just made my decisions clear at the tasting, and boom, I figured out food, which is incredibly easy but still a really big part of the day.

Next, I care about my friends, so I made the decision on what we would wear. We got suits instead of tuxes, because they were just as cheap as a tux, and now they have a gray suit. My friends are happy with this arrangement, so that means we are good to go.

Other things that I helped on were transportation, music, and the honeymoon. Transportation and music, easy as shit. I highly recommend taking over those things, because you can knock them out in no time. On the honeymoon, don’t make the same mistake I did. We are traveling to five (six, if you count a 14 hour layover in Turkey) countries in Europe. That means a ton of travel, and a ton of different hotels. It was a lot of work, and that was a bad idea on my part. If you want to do something complicated, come up with the outline, and then help her plan it. What is probably easier is keep control of the honeymoon and just go one place. Finding one place to fly to and stay is a piece of cake, so do that instead.

After that, every decision is basically hers to make. The only problem with this is that she is still going to want your opinion. The key is to give her the right opinion.

One thing that has helped me is listening to my lady’s tone of voice to decide how I should respond to her. “What do you think of this?” seems like just one question, but she can ask it in a variety of ways, and I am forced to interpret what type of response she wants. In all reality, all she wants is for me to agree with her. It's almost always positive, so just responding with, "Looks great." is pretty safe. If she tricks you into liking something bad, just go, "Aww, geez, honey, you know me, I'm just a sloppy fella who don't know nothing about your high society ways." She'll call you an idiot, and you can move on.

What about when she gives you multiple options? This is one that I really pride myself on, because she wants an opinion. You can’t just say I don’t know and move on. You also can’t just say that they all look great. The reason she is asking is because she likes all of them. She has a favorite, but she is just using you to confirm her thoughts. So here’s what I do: I hem and haw as I look through the options, occasionally asking to see things multiple times. Finally, I pick out what I like with the caveat, “but I don’t have strong feelings one way or another; I think they all look great.” That way, I gave my opinion, but she can still feel good about ignoring it to do what she wants. Since I really don’t give a shit about any of it, this arrangement works perfect for both of us.

That’s really all there is to it. Take the easy stuff, and never offer a strong opinion on anything else. She'll be happy that you're involved, and since you're barely doing anything, you'll still have plenty of time to watch sports. Win-win.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

A Guide For Grooms: Am I Making The Right Decision?

What I have learned through my 29 years on this Earth is that although people seem to know what they're doing, nobody has any clue what they are doing. It's all just an act. Nobody is that composed, everyone is insecure, and you'll figure it out as you go. I am getting married in a little over a week. Nine more days before a lady is dumb enough to take my last name. Still, there is one question that keeps popping up into my head:

"Am I making the right decision?"

The good news is that I know that I am. Do I still sometimes romanticize my single days when I was able to go out and get drunk and see where the night might take me? Of course I do. At my bachelor party, I saw my single friends be completely uninhibited, and it looked pretty awesome. But then I think about the other nights of being single. The nights where I would be out, and trying and failing until I just wanted to drink and not get shot down anymore. This doesn't even mention the nights where I wasn't out, and I was playing PS2 just to pass the time and get to the next day. So, yeah, the highs were high, but the lows were just awful.

With my fiancee, I no longer worry about those. There are still highs and lows. And the good news is that the highs maintain longer, because it's out of genuine care for another person instead of a feeling in my penis. And there are still lows, but the lows are because I care, and really, sometimes she can be super irritating. She pisses me off, but the only reason I'm pissed is because I love her.

Also, the key is that the good far outweighs the bad. We rarely fight, I would guess around a half dozen times a year, and when we do, it usually only lasts about an hour until we come to the compromise that both of us (or just me) are idiots. Now that doesn't mean she's perfect. I get irritated with her every day (Why can't she wash the peanut butter off the knife when she's done using it? The dishwasher will not get that off). But we also make each other laugh every day, and it is almost always with the dumbest shit imaginable. If we try to tell people what was so funny, we are always met with the same confused look and response of, "I don't get it."

And that's fine. I don't need people to get us, as long as we get each other. Am I 100% positive that we are going to get married and live happily ever after? No, but just because it's not 100%, that doesn't mean it's not worth going for it. The thing that I feel best about is that things have improved as time has gone on. We started off as friends, dabbled in relationships, then gave real shots to relationships, and the timing just wasn't right. We both matured (me more than her) and realized that we're way happier together than we are when we're apart. That's all I really know. We both make each other happy. And for this sort of commitment, that is the best guarantee that I could hope for.

So, am I going to get married and live happily ever after? I don't know. I'm confident, but everybody is confident when they get married, and half of those people are wrong. The key is that I don't expect marriage to fix things in our relationship. I'm happy with where things are right now; this is just making it official. I'm not 100% positive things will work out, but that's part of what makes it special. It's going to take work, but there's no one I would rather work with than my bride-to-be. Maybe I'm not positive, but you don't have to be sure to still know you're making the right decision.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Suits Power Rankings - Bad Faith

Things ended on a high note for Pearson Darby Specter, as they saved a woman from a murder charge and found a way out of their merger. But this week, ain't no way that Darby is going down without a fight. And in this fight, there are, oh, so many sports references. With Scotty coming back, it was a Harold appearance away from being specifically designed for me. Check out last week's rankings here, and now onto the fun.

1. Louis Marlo Litt - Louis is pumped to be a part of the big mission, even though they still won't adopt the badger as the firm's official mascot. He thought he was as cool as a cucumber, but he screws everything up once Mikado is brought up. But then, with help from Katrina, he comes up with the most brilliant plan ever. He's too small of a fish to get the thing done, but he goes to the whale, Harvey, and they head to the end zone, together. Louis is number one this week, because this is as high as he could ever hope to be. For the first time in months, he wasn't thinking about Mikado. He was just thinking about how he just "Litt Up" Edward Darby. He's got an assistant that admires him, Harvey respects him, and he just made a birdie in the 9th inning when all he needed was a goal, but he scored a touchdown.

2. Harvey Specter - Charming Donna with handbags. Harvey was zinging Louis hard by being dismissive to his face, but he did it as a sign of respect. He also never watches Miss America, but he does celebrate with the winner. For normal guys, that means they would buy her drinks. For Harvey, it means he allows her to buy drinks for him. Harvey did something nice for Scottie, and Harvey believed that Scottie strapped on a dildo and went to town on that ass. Instead, it was Ava Hessington pulling the ol' switcheroo to go to pound town on Pearson Darby Specter. Still, Harvey got Tony G to sign with them, because dinner with Michael Jordan closes any deal.

3. Katrina Bennett - Katrina had one job, to cool the beast, and she failed miserably in the negotiations. To make up for it, she got him a mug and a copyright. But she also gave Louis a plan to get all they wanted and more back in their side of the company. Despite her early folly, she more than made up for it and helped Louis reach his dream.

4. Mike Ross - Mike starts off by getting after it with Rachel. Also drinking coconut water for hydration. Mike wants Rachel to move in at his grandma's place. It's cool though, Grandma's dead, so they can sex anytime they want. Mike also plays the Rachel card with her Dad, and good luck getting Mr. Zane to pay for the wedding now, ya idiot. But his girlfriend might be moving across the country to not have to move in with him, so something tells me that things aren't as good as they seem in the bedroom.

5. Rachel Zane - Doesn't stand for people putting coffee mugs on the wrong side of the sink. That is a girl after my own heart. She is not happy to be used as a pawn in a negotiation, but she is happy to be accepted into Stanford, because now Andrew Luck might finally start answering her fan mail.

6. Donna Paulsen - NEW HANDBAGS, YA'LL.

7. Tony Giannopoulos - Taking his private jet to dinner with Michael Jordan. Tony G believes that Giannis Antetokounmpo could be even better than Jordan. I gotta hand it to him, the man has national pride.

8. Jessica Pearson - Jessica is a huge Tony Sparano fan, so she wants to run the wildcat in negotiations like they are the 2010 Miami Dolphins. This means Louis will be Chad Pennington, but he will be split outside. Harvey is Ronnie Brown receiving the snap. Mike will be Ricky Williams, obviously. Katrina is Brandon Marshall, frustrated by being a decoy, Donna is Davone Bess, because she's a threat in the open field, and Rachel is Jake Long, because all she wants to do is plow. Oh god, Jessica, this is not the dream team that you were hoping for. Her only hope is that Edward Darby is the Tom Cable of this analogy, and they can beat the Raiders 33-17.

9. Dana Scott - Dana Scott, looking hot and putting Harvey in his place. Unfortunately, Harvey beat her in bad faith, and she uses the sympathy (sex) card to try to get him to go back on his work with Folsom Foods. Then Harvey ends up screwing her even worse, and she tries to tell him to stop, but Harvey doesn't like talking, so he screws her thoroughly before they realize that they're both screwed. Scotty, if I ever get put into this fictional world, I promise to treat you like the princess that you are.

10. Nigel Nesbitt - Played Louis like a fiddle and ruined the bad faith negotiations that Harvey and Jessica were trying to pull off. Then he floats back to England, probably to play with a doll collection, because that guy just looks like he still plays pretend with various dolls while Mikado gives instructions.

11. Mrs. Zane - The wet blanket of this whole episode. Just let your daughter be happy, ya old hag.

12. Robert Zane - He's a dick, but he loves his daughter, so he's willing to make settlements. And he appreciates that Mike has balls. Mr. Zane likes balls.

13. Mikado - Never heard the letters that Louis wrote; now poops while facing New York.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

What You Need To Know About Wrestling Being Back In The Olympics

This photo is what the Olympics is all about.

I'm going to focus on the amateur side of wrestling, because it's one of the few things I love more than professional wrestling. The biggest news this week is that wrestling will remain in the Olympics through 2024, and it probably means that it is going to be safe for the foreseeable future. This is excellent news, as wrestling belongs in the Olympics. For sports that truly define the Olympics, it has to be right up there with track & field, swimming, and gymnastics. Personally, I think it is more "olympic" than those other sports, but I recognize that it may just be my bias for wrestling and my indifference towards those other sports.

Wrestling being in the Olympics is great, and it has already led to some very good rule changes that will help the sport, because freestyle wrestling got stupid over these last few years with the scoring changes and the overtime rules. The United States is still trying to push for an unlimited (10 minutes, which is basically unlimited considering that is an eternity to try and wrestle) sudden death, which I absolutely love, but FILA seems to be fighting against since it can lead to "boring" moments where people are waiting for action. There is nothing more exciting than a sudden death period, especially when it is a one-on-one battle of wills. I'm really hoping for that, but as long as I never have to see a wrestler pick a colored ball out of a hat again, I can at least sleep a little easier. 

On the bad side of things, wrestling is again cutting down the weight classes. There will now only be six freestyle weights for freestyle, Greco, and women's freestyle. For women's, this number makes sense, as there is only about 10 pounds of weight difference between each class. You won't get much of a tweener with that limited range of weights. The difference in men's weight is 22 pounds. Twenty-two pounds. These are the proposed weights for freestyle (Greco is fairly similar in their weights):

55kg - 121lbs
65kg - 143lbs
75kg - 165lbs
85kg - 187lbs
95kg - 209lbs
125kg - 275lbs

And yes, that does not even count the 66 pound weight difference between the two heaviest weights. There used to be 10 freestyle weight classes, which seems about right. You could easily convince me of going up to 11 or 12, but 10 is a fine number. Wrestling has continued to lose weight classes and was down at 7 for this last Olympics. They are giving up yet another class in order to make them a more viable sport, but it's getting a little ridiculous. There are six freestyle wrestling events. Michael Phelps was able to win 8 gold medals in a single Olympics. It would take a wrestler 28 years to win that many medals. So if a prodigy won a gold medal at 18, he'd just have to keep doing that every four years until he was 46. And for anybody stating that they could also compete in Greco, yes, they could, but that would be like asking Phelps to compete in long distance swimming; it's a completely different set of skills. 

No, the change in weight classes wouldn't change any of that, but it would give more people who train incredibly hard with no real monetary incentive. United States Wrestling offers $250,000 for winning a gold medal and nothing for anything else. The payouts from the Olympics aren't that impressive either. Jordan Burroughs is by far the most famous current wrestler, and I would guess that 80% of sports fans have never heard of him. 

Wrestling being back is great, but it would be a whole lot better if wrestling could get some more respect and get back to 10 weight classes. Wrestling only takes up a few days. It could still take up the same amount of time and add those weight classes in. For wrestlers, the Olympics is all there is, and increasing that number so a few more wrestlers can achieve their dream seems like a worthwhile investment to me.


Since I don't want to end this on a bad note, the greatest social media sports story of the year happened this week. Iowa and Penn State, despite being the two biggest powerhouses in the conference, are not on each other's schedule this year, because the B1G loves logical decisions. Penn State coach, Cael Sanderson, sent a message to Iowa's head coach, Tom Brands, on Twitter asking about something big missing on their meet. After a back-and-forth exchange, which I recommend checking out here, they came to an agreement to meet at Carver Hawkeye Arena on December 21. 

This is not just awesome news for wrestling, it is awesome news for sports in general. And yes, it had to have been completely staged, considering Tom Brands didn't have a Twitter account until last week, and it seemed as though he was still figuring it out during their exchange since he had never tweeted before Sanderson tweeted at him today, but who cares? This was an awesome way to deliver the news, and it would be one of the biggest stories of the year if it happened in another sport. Imagine if LSU and Alabama were not on each other's schedule, and Les Miles tweeted at Nick Saban about how they should try to get something done, and they came to an agreement to have one of their non-conference games be a game between the two teams. With great stuff like this happening, Cael Sanderson is making it really hard for me to dislike him. As long as Penn State doesn't start wrestling like Oklahoma State (where their motto is, "It's not wrestling unless you're stalling"), I think I may have to root for them to prosper their way to a second place finish this year.

So, yes, this was a great week for wrestling, but there is still room for improvement down the road, both in rule changes, and in increased weight classes down the road. But wrestling remains in the Olympics, and Iowa and Penn State are wrestling this year. Life is good for this wrestling fan.

8 Hawkeyes Football Thoughts For Week 2

1. I'm a terrible football fan. I love it, so, so much, but sometimes my priorities get messed up, and I don't watch nearly as much as I should. Opening weekend, I missed my beloved Hawkeyes because of my bachelor party in Austin, Texas. The only bars that had the game were somehow unable to be competent enough to serve us beers, so we had to make due and watch normal football games.

This week, I had to do some wedding planning stuff in the morning, and then brought my fiancee some lunch. No big deal as I was smart enough to DVR the game. I left the TV on for the dog and carefully changed the channel without looking at the score. I then went to my DVR menu, and although it said that the game was recording on my cable box, it was nowhere to be found on the menu. Perfect. So, all I saw was the last minute of the first half, but I did get to see the second half.

2. Iowa got stopped at the 1.5 yard line after the crowd begged the coaching staff to go for it. They then started booing when they were stopped. THAT'S NOT HOW THIS WORKS. If they do what you want and don't succeed, you shrug your shoulders. And don't give me any crap that you had a better play selected. Yes, maybe a pass would have worked, but if they would have thrown an incomplete, you would've been pissed that they didn't pound Weisman into the end zone.

3. I'm an old school football fan. When I play video games, I basically play like the Iowa Hawkeyes. I try to pound the ball with my running game and only pass when I have to. On defense, I run basic zone coverages with four man rushes. I do use 3 man fronts a little bit more, so I can surprise the offense with where I'm sending that fourth guy. This is a long way of saying that I loved the second drive where they just ran the ball down Missouri State's throat until they got in the end zone.

4. Greg Davis's offense is growing on me, as he starts to grow into it. The thing about his offense is not that he needs fast receivers, he needs quick receivers. Finding quick receivers is much easier than fast receivers, and those quick screens are really just designed to get 5-7 yards, which is definitely possible with some guys with a little bit of elusiveness.

5. I saw limited runs from Daniels. I like his vision as he seems to make good decisions and efficient cuts. I would say he finishes a little high at the end of his runs, but I really like what I see.

6. I also just like the different looks that they get from their four running backs. I would not feel bad about any four of them being the primary ball carrier, although I think Weisman is best suited for this offense. Also, Iowa was basically unstoppable running to the left. That side of the line was just clearing guys out.

7. So the back to back plays where Missouri State scored, I really do not have an issue with either one. The first one, a true Freshman, Desmond King, was trying to make a play. He bit on the pump fake, and they made him pay. That's obviously not good, but it's tough to get real upset about it.

The second one was kind of a fluke. Did Rudock get tricked? Yes, but it was mostly caused because the linebacker slipped right as the play started. When Rudock looked over and saw that, it should be pitch and catch at that point, but the guy recovered, dropped into coverage and made a play. This Iowa offense is built around quick reads, so plays like that are going to happen.

8. The Hawkeyes won. It wasn't pretty, but if Iowa can run effectively, continue to stop the run, and tighten up things in the secondary, they could actually be pretty decent. And by pretty decent, I mean 12-1 before facing Alabama in the National Title game. 

Saturday, September 7, 2013

6 College Football Thoughts For Week 2

1. Marcus Mariota is fast. That is my analysis, but what he could mean to the NFL is very interesting. He's not a great passer, but he's good. If Chip Kelly is really bringing his offense to the professional level, does Mariota have first round value for him, yet only mid round value for another team (I still don't think he would draft him in the first, but he could be that kind of impact player for his team)? Kelly stayed away from his players in his first draft, but it will be interesting to see how he builds his team for the future.

2. I was never that big of a fan of Aaron Murray, but he was very impressive. He did a great job of leading his receivers and throwing strikes down the field.

3. Clowney is amazing. It doesn't matter that it isn't showing up on a stat sheet, because everyone is designing a game plan around minimizing Clowney's impact.

4. Devin Gardner should not be underestimated as an NFL prospect. He's got a good arm, is mobile, but still needs to refine his decision making. Still, there's stuff to work with, and I would rather develop him than Logan Thomas.

5. I still have a huge crush on Kyle Van Noy. He is just always around the ball and can make plays in the running game and affects the passing game both with pass rushing and in coverage. I wish I had a gif of the spin move he put on Texas's left tackle during the third series on third down. It was a thing of beauty, and it made me emit a noise that sounded a little too much like me having an orgasm. Also, despite not being a big linebacker, he was able to bull rush lineman and collapse the pocket.

6. Marqise Lee can't catch anything this year, not even punts. That was like the only play I watched, so those are my only thoughts on Lee. 

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Suits Power Rankings - Endgame

Last week, Harold came back and Harvey beat up Stephen. Now that they finally figured out the rights to Mikado, it is time to focus on smaller cases, like murder charges. There was one big case, as Louis went toe-to-toe with Harold, but we'll get to that later. Check out last week's rankings here, now onto this week of murder, betrayal, and rope climbing:

1. Jessica Pearson - Uses the Hessington Oil case to get out of their merger with Darby, if they can win the trial. Jessica brings over a bottle of booze to rebuild her and Harvey's relationship. And she uses her knowledge of their relationship to expose Cameron and Darby to do what she wants. She is getting her firm back, and she's clearly a pretty boss lawyer, as Darby had no choice but to stop practicing law in the United States with his plea deal. Jessica is back in charge and not taking shit from anybody. She won her firm, won the case, and probably just filled up that fancy bottle of booze with well whiskey that she obtained from Buckshots in Austin, Texas.

2. Cameron Dennis - Cameron does go after bad guys, but he needs proof from Harvey before he is going to do him any favors. It's always nice when a lawyer actually uses logic. He ends up putting bad guys away and winning. He still couldn't turn that into a partnership with Pearson Specter, but hey, a guy's gotta try. Cameron's love to win was definitely going to carry over to his celebration that night, and the lucky thing for the ladies is that in Cameron's Mustache Rides, everyone's a winner.

3. Harold Gunderson - Oh shit, he's back again. Louis tries to yell at him, but Harold grew a backbone, used some valid lawyer reasoning and straight up owned Louis. He then sues one of Louis's companies, just to rub Louis's face in it. Louis then thought he put Harold in his place, but Harold pulled one over on him. It was just nonstop ownage. Louis was trying to end Harold's career, but Rachel reasoned with Louis, so Harold got everything he wanted. I will be shocked if he is not given another chance at Pearson Specter. The only real question is whether they will change the name to Pearson Specter Gunderson. Harold gonna Harold, ya'll.

4. Donna Paulsen - She got her heart broken, but she gets to be the arresting officer for Stephen Huntley, so that's pretty cool.

5. Harvey Specter - Harvey found out that Stephen is a murderer, but he has no proof, so that is kind of an issue, except every person at Pearson Darby sees how clear the evidence is, but their proof is not law proof, so they must find proper law proof, you know, for the law. He calls Stephen to the witness stand. He starts getting somewhere, but the judge said he was on a short leash, and instead of pulling a Peter Bash and being arrested for contempt, he backs off like a real life lawyer. So everything completely blows up in his face. Still, him and Jessica come up with a plan to get Darby to bury Huntley, and they are barely able to hide their glee as Darby falls for it.

6. Mike Ross - Mike goes undercover to hang out with Mariga. He tries to use scare tactics on Mariga, but nobody like Mariga will ever be scared of a Mike Ross. After dealing with Mariga, being confronted by Harold barely altered his stride as he went on to the murder trial. Mike gets Clifford to help him, because Mike broke the law to get him out. If there is one thing this show has taught me, it is break the law all the time. Because if you do, somebody will owe you, and you can get a huge favor from them down the line. I can't wait to guilt trip my friends into killing someone for me, because I once ran a red light to get them food from McDonalds when they were really drunk. After winning the murder trial, Mike decides to sex Rachel after Harvey turns him down (this really happened).

7. Harold's Mother - Always so happy as she watches him work.

8. Rachel Zane - Rachel reasons with Louis early on, but that's a losing battle. Finally, she puts him in his place for being a bully to Harold. Why did she stick up for Harold? Let's just say that Mike isn't the only guy that she mixed business and pleasure with, except Harold dumped her when she tried stalking him. It got really bad. Finally, he changed his last name from Jakowski to Gunderson to avoid the harassment. Mystery solved.

9. Ava Hessington - Ava might be put in prison for murder, and she's not real happy about it, especially since she used to be Darby's pretend girlfriend, so Darby could use his power bottom to get some of that Papa Hessington Man Oil. Justice prevails in the end, but she still wasn't real happy. Lighten up, lady.

10. Louis Marlo Litt - Louis is back to abusing associates again, but that is only because he misses his true love, Mikado. Louis breaks into Harold's office and gives him the truth on why Harold got fired. This, of course, backfires, as Harold sues one of his companies. Finally, after Harold owns him a few times, Louis stops making it about business and starts making it personal to ruin Harold's career. Then we find out that he only did this, because he couldn't climb the rope in gym class, and Harold was actually an Olympic rope climber, but he would never show Louis the secret.

11. Edward Darby - Darby is a coward, because he didn't want to know how Stephen got things done for Hessington Oil. Then he lost the Pearson side of the merger, because he had to keep Ava out of jail for pretending to be his girlfriend during his gay sexcapades.

12. Stephen Huntley - Darby fires Stephen, because, yeah, murder is not good. But even worse, Harvey's fists apparently caused Stephen to get pink eye, so good luck picking up chicks with that. Still, Stephen does give a pretty good line to Jessica and Harvey when he says, "I don't give threats; I give've been warned." He then declined to answer a bunch of questions and made Harvey look like a bitch. Still, he decided to hang around the United States where he has no family, no friends, and no job. This gave the local police enough time to arrest him for murder. Whoopsies.

13. Colonel Mariga - Mariga is a wise man who is not intimidated by Mike. He then lies on the stand, because Mariga got paid, made, and as long as he doesn't get caught, laid. They never address that the new deal probably means that he is going to be sent back to his home country and murdered. For all of the talk about how they didn't want to see someone get killed, they seem totally fine with this guy probably going through some hellacious torture before he is killed. I don't think he'll be making another appearance on these rankings.