Monday, April 29, 2019

The WWE Is Ruining... Brock Lesnar

Brock Lesnar is one of the greatest talents in WWE history. There is no era in pro wrestling history where this guy wouldn't have been a champion. He was dominant in his era, would have made an incredible foe for Hulk Hogan in the 80s and 90s, and may have been champion for 20 straight years during the era when you had to be able to legitimately fight to be considered a pro wrestling world champion. Brock Lesnar is the ideal pro wrestler.

Even with a limited schedule, he's been the most dominant force in the WWE in the last few years and one of the most dominant professional wrestlers in history. But the fans have turned against him and nobody raves about how awesome he is anymore. Although it looks like he may take time off to fight again in the UFC, there is one thing that will likely bring him back. For as much as Lesnar has accomplished, there is one title that has eluded him.

Yep, to save Brock Lesnar, the WWE must send him to NXT. I mean, sure, he's been a dominant WWE and Universal Champion, but he's never been able to win that NXT gold. Clearly, it would be the motivation Lesnar needs. I can just about guarantee that Bo Dallas constantly makes fun of him in catering as not being a real world champion like Bo was.

And the biggest issue with Lesnar is him not showing up enough. NXT tapes four episodes at a time. He could keep his same schedule and be on just as much as any other NXT star.

The issue is whether he could beat the best of the best. Sure, he can beat the likes of John Cena, Triple H, and Roman Reigns, but those guys have like two combined matches on NXT. Can he compete with the likes of Johnny Gargano, Adam Cole, and Eric Bugenhagen?

You want a fresh feeling and motivated Lesnar? Send him to NXT. And then let Matt Riddle retire him.

Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Alicia Fox
Andrade "Cien" Almas
Apollo Crews
Bayley
Big E
Big Show

Bobby Lashley
Bobby Roode

Braun Strowman
Carmella
Chad Gable

Sunday, April 28, 2019

Riley Ridley Ain't Just Another Brother

With the Bears fourth round pick, they added another weapon to an offense that is overflowing with them when they drafted Georgia Wide Receiver, Riley Ridley. That last name should sound familiar as his brother Calvin was a top rookie last season, and his brother is no slouch. He was Georgia's lead receiver, and although his yardage was not impressive due to some other talented guys on the team and a run heavy offense, he did manage to pull down nine touchdowns. To get a better idea of the younger Ridley, I took a look at his games against Texas and Alabama.

So with Ridley, you're not going to see a lot of wow plays. Instead, you're going to see consistency and just an overall clean player. Here, he runs a nice curl route where he makes a hard stop to give himself two yards of separation to make the catch.


Here, he gets just enough separation to make the touchdown grab.

The quarterback throws a beautiful ball, but Ridley does a great job of running through the catch and even getting both feet down after extending with his hands to pull the ball in.

This was probably my favorite play from the two games I watched, because it shows incredibly strong hands and good concentration to pull this ball in.

Ridley also has good field awareness as he consistently would work towards the sideline and always had the presence of mind to get those feet down in bounds.

So this play is stupid, but after it has its stupid moment, he does make a nice move in the open field.

This play does show good awareness, but that juke he puts on 25 is what really stands out.

Let's finish off with the concerning part of Ridley and why he fell so far in the draft. His athleticism leaves a lot to be desired.

The only good news is that his brother, Calvin, didn't test all that well either outside of a much better 40 time. But it is concerning that somebody who isn't a great athlete has such a poor 3-cone drill as that is usually a pretty good indicator of how much separation a guy can get from a defender. I did see Ridley make some tough catches, but without separation, it's going to be very tough for him to have a big impact in the NFL.

I heard a lot of great things about Ridley leading up to the draft. Before the combine, some people were talking about him as a possible first round pick. There are some good traits there, but I just don't see how he has a big impact on the passing game for the Bears. He will provide solid depth but will have to really refine himself to be much more than that.

Chicago Bears Scouting Reports
3rd Round - David Montgomery, Running Back, Iowa State

Saturday, April 27, 2019

David Montgomery Runs Like a Literal Cyclone

The Bears traded up to get the player they wanted out of a university in Iowa. It wasn't the guy or even the school I had pegged, but I do believe they got a talented player as I was pretty terrified of this player the last two years when my favorite team played against him. David Montgomery of the Iowa State Cyclones is exactly what the Bears needed at running back as he's a big back who can also catch the ball out of the backfield. I took another look at his game against Iowa and also a game against Texas from this past season.

Before we get started, let's take a look at how his combine went.
Unless you're scouting him for the UFC and really want a great wingspan, the athletic traits are not going to wow you. The poor 40 yard dash was not all that surprising and didn't hurt him as much, because he is a bigger back. The vertical jump was hilariously bad as I might be able to jump 28.5 inches (okay, I can't, but maybe ten years ago I could), but I don't know a single person who gives a crap about vertical jump for running backs. The broad jump is excellent, especially when you factor in his size. And the 3-cone drill and 20-yard shuttle would have been the most interesting to see him perform, because I do think that would have highlighted his quickness and agility.

The first thing that stood out to me was his balance. This is where the title of this piece came from, as he can take hits, make cuts, and spin off defenders while still staying upright.

Texas has nine guys in the box. All they want to do is stop David Montgomery, and with the safety darting in, they have the play dead to rights. The safety spears his right shin, and somehow Montgomery just bounces back a yard and darts outside. He shows good acceleration to beat the edge defender around to the outside before finally getting pushed out after gaining seven yards on what should have been a two-yard loss.

Here, he sees a single hole that quickly gets filled by the Texas linebacker, but that isn't going to stop Montgomery on 2nd and 3.

Despite the linebacker covering the only available area along the line of scrimmage, Montgomery is able to spin inside and drag the linebacker for three yards to get the first down. He just has an innate ability to find any crease that may exist.

Here he has a play that is designed to go inside, Montgomery analyzes the situation and bounces it outside. After that, what he does is simply not fair.

After bouncing outside, he puts a stupid juke on Amani Hooker (coincidentally, the player I wanted the Bears to take in the third round) before finally being drug down by an ankle tackle by an Iowa linebacker after gaining 13 yards. This is a play where so many backs never see that hole to their left, and even after making that cut, most guys are getting about three yards with a pretty reliable tackler in Hooker filling the hole. Montgomery is not most running backs.

I don't know if there is 5% of professional running backs who could do this.

Any other player is running into that linebacker as it's damn near impossible to stop your momentum at that point after the catch. Montgomery slips while making the cut (because it's damn near impossible), but it helps him pick up an additional six yards while the Iowa linebacker is busy hugging air. An underrated part of this play but maybe even more appealing for the Bears coaching staff is the way that he catches the ball by framing his hands away from his body as opposed to body catching it. It's that technique that will make him a reliable pass catcher out of the backfield.

Speaking of the passing game, he is at least a willing pass blocker.

He does let the defender get under his pads which initially pushes him back, but he shows good balance by staying upright, resetting his feet and stopping the defender after that. The big thing that I liked to see is he kept his head up while blocking, because many running backs do not seem to think it's a good idea to see the guy they are trying to block.

His ability to stop and start is top notch.

There are two Texas defenders in the only hole available to him, and what he does here is purposeful hesitation. He freezes BOTH defenders before juking to his right and using a stiff arm to keep distance from the first defender.

If you're looking to nitpick the guy, the 40 yard dash is indicative of his lack of breakaway speed, but other than that, everything else you'd want to see is there. Vision, quickness, power, patience, and ability as a receiver, I'm a BIG, BIG fan. The craziest thing about the clips that I showed for Montgomery is that these were from his two worst games of the season. He had a combined 77 yards in those two games, yet I'm not sure if you could find five running backs who could put up his sort of highlights in their two best games.

Please sit down before I make this comparison, because it may sound extreme, but there was only one name that popped into my head while watching Montgomery: Le'Veon Bell. Bell was this exact player in college. Now I will say that Bell got even better when he got to the pros when he shed weight which benefitted his speed and quickness, but Montgomery is right there with the traits that he possesses. David Montgomery is the type of player that a team is justified in trading up for, and I think Bears fans are going to be very happy with this pick as he has the traits to be the best running back in the class.

Wednesday, April 24, 2019

The Chicago Bears Perfect 2019 NFL Draft

Projecting a team's draft picks is a fool's errand. It's impossible to know who a team will take, because I have no idea who will even be there when it is their chance to draft. Although I am trying to be realistic in who will be available for the Bears in this process, there is a chance that some of these guys are gone two, possibly even three rounds earlier than where I am projecting. And this is especially tough when projecting Bears draft picks as they do not have a first or second round pick, so I am only looking at the deepest, darkest parts of the NFL draft. And since the Bears do not have many picks, I'll also point out some guys I would like them to sign as undrafted free agents as well.

Round 3, 87th Overall: Amani Hooker, Safety, Iowa
I limited myself to one Iowa Hawkeye, but man, this is one that I feel very passionate about. I'm not sure if Hooker lasts this long, but if the Bears traded all of their picks to ensure they got Hooker, I would call this draft a massive victory. I have already waxed poetically about the Hawkeye safety, but in short, he's a versatile defender that could play safety or as your nickel back, can defend pass and run, and just always seems to be in the right spot at the right time to make a big play. The one concern about him (and nearly all Iowa players in general) is what kind of athlete he is, but he put those concerns to rest with a very impressive combine performance.
Outside of having T-Rex arms, everything else was incredibly impressive. He was named the Big Ten Defensive Back of the Year, and it's crazy that he could fall this far, but judging by where he is ranked by most "experts" this is a reasonable range for him to get drafted. I might cry tears of joy if the Bears end up with him.

Round 4, 126th Overall: Austin Bryant, Defensive End, Clemson
Little known fact, Clemson actually started four defensive linemen this season. I know Clelin Ferrell, Dexter Lawrence, and Christian Wilkins get all of the love since they are likely first round picks, but Austin Bryant was no slouch. The guy had 17 sacks with 30.5 tackles for loss in his last two years with the Tigers, and he might have had more if he didn't need to constantly race his teammates to the quarterback. You can make the argument that he benefitted from not facing double teams, but he'll have the same luxury with the Bears as Akiem Hicks and Khalil Mack will be getting most of the offense's attention. If he slips this far, it would be a great addition to the Bears depth at defensive line. Also, I totally wanted to put Anthony Nelson here, but I promised myself I could only pick one Hawkeye.

Round 5, 162nd Overall: Ross Pierschbacher, Center, Alabama
Since Pierschbacher is a native Iowan, I did a deeper dive on him here. He started all four years at Alabama, starting at left guard and taking over at center for his senior year. To start at Alabama for four years with how proficient their offenses were would make me think that he'd be a day two pick, but I have seen a lot of mocks with him more falling in the 4th-5th round range, and if that's the case, the Bears would be stupid not to pounce on him to give them a strong backup for the interior offensive line, especially with Kyle Long's injury history. i will say that I saw more impressive play from him as a guard than after he transitioned to the center position, so I see him as a good guard but maybe just an average center prospect. Common sense says he shouldn't be here for the Bears, but common sense isn't exactly what NFL teams are known for.

Round 7, 222nd Overall: Jalin Moore, Running Back, Appalachian State
Not sure if you have heard, but you can find a decent running back later on in the draft. I feel like this year, it's Josh Jacobs, and everybody else. What order guys will fall is a complete mystery. Because of an injury, I would say Moore has a better chance to fall than most, but even I can admit that this seems like a fairly aggressive drop for his talent. Plus, even with his injury, he put up 27 bench press reps at the combine. Does benching help running backs? Not at all, but it impresses other dudes in the gym, and isn't that what's most important? In real talk, he was always productive when he was on the field, but his senior year was cut short after fracturing and dislocating his ankle on a touchdown run. I will say that I'm not sure if it's the ideal fit for Nagy's offense as the most catches he had in a year was 12, but that may have been by the Appalachian State design, or he may have trouble with his hands. Worst case is he can bench press like 1000 footballs.

Round 7, 238th Overall: Terry Godwin, Wide Receiver, Georgia
I have an affinity for five-star recruits out of high school. Godwin didn't light it up in college, but he still had a productive college career with a Georgia offense that would far prefer to run than pass. Also, with his smaller stature, he was never going to be the number one guy. I think he projects as a great option in the slot as he has great quickness and has the hands to catch balls in traffic. He is great for receiver depth and could also be an option as a return man.

Undrafted Free Agent Targets
Mathieu Betts, Edge, Laval
Oh, you don't know about the football powerhouse that is Laval? Apparently, you're just not that into the pigskin, because they are ten time Vanier Cup Champions, including a perfect season this past year, led by their defensive ace, Mathieu Betts. This guy is hands down the best Canadian prospect in the draft, and although his most likely destination is practice squad, there is enough raw talent to at least invite him to camp.

Jordan Brailford, Edge, Oklahoma State
Probably the least likely guy to be available, but he definitely has the talent to be a situational pass rusher where he could help out the Bears. I've seen him projected in the 5-7th round range, but considering that he ran a 4.65 and broad jumped 10.5 feet, I could see somebody taking a chance on that athleticism early.

Taylor Cornelius, Quarterback, Oklahoma State
Out of the six quarterbacks I saw when I worked with the East-West Shrine Game, I was most impressed with Cornelius. I don't think he's going to set the world on fire, but he could be a serviceable backup in the right offense.

Keelan Doss, Wide Receiver, UC Davis
Doss played at a small school and put up big numbers. Unfortunately, he got hurt at the combine, so that will knock his draft stock down a bit. I think it's likely somebody takes him in a late round, but if he's available, it'd be a great addition for the Bears.

Matt Gay, Kicker, Utah
He's a kicker; that makes him a great addition for the Bears. He's also 232 pounds, so that's pretty cool too.

Jimmy Moreland, Cornerback, James Madison
Moreland showed flashes at the Shrine Game, but what really stood out to me is how much the coaches (and even special guest Aeneas Williams) were trying to coach him up and getting on him for mistakes. It was clear that they saw a lot of potential in him, and I don't think it's a high ceiling, but he could be a serviceable player in the slot.

Matt Nelson, Defensive Lineman, Iowa
Hey, I could only project one player to be drafted by the Bears, but I might as well have them sign one as a free agent. Nelson played out of position as a defensive tackle at Iowa, but at 6'8", 295 pounds, he's perfectly built to be a stout defender as a 3-4 defensive end. I think he can set the edge, bat down passes, and occasionally get to the quarterback, but he was not put in the best position to succeed due to team need at Iowa. He'd be a great addition to provide additional depth along the defensive line.

Tuesday, April 23, 2019

The WWE Is Ruining... Kevin Owens

Kevin Owens is one of the greatest talents in the WWE. He's great in the ring and great on the microphone. He's not exactly a body guy, but he has a body, and with all of his talent, that is enough.

Still, despite all that, he has kind of yo-yoed up and down the WWE roster in importance during his time there. He started his career in NXT by winning a single match and later that night destroying his best friend and brand new NXT Chanpion, Sami Zayn, to set up an immediate title match which he won, yet he had to lose twice to Finn Balor at the end of his NXT run despite already being on the main roster. He managed to debut on the main roster by beating up John Cena, yet despite getting a win over Cena, never actually won the US Title. He followed that up by winning the Universal Title, but only because of help from Triple H, and then lost his title to Goldberg in 22 seconds, because...?

Most recently, he made his return after an injury and immediately stole Kofi Kingston's title shot, but then became friends to Kofi and is now a good guy host where he is still letting his comedic timing show. It was also very weird that he may have been the only healthy person on the roster to not do anything at Wrestlemania.

Right now is the time to strike with Kevin Owens. Not only is he an incredible talent, the WWE has to be aware that they need to keep him happy with his current situation. I'm not sure of Owens contract status, but he has the luxury to go to AEW anytime he wants as he was the guy who told the Young Bucks to take care of Cody on the independents. He has the luxury of waiting out to see how AEW does before taking that leap if he wants to do so, but the WWE could make it worthwhile for him to stick around if they pull the trigger.

So what is the best way for the WWE to utilize Kevin Owens? To start off, let's have a good Kevin Owens take on a bad Sami Zayn which is where WWE may already be leading us. This is fun, and it gets both guys to better places. This time, Owens teaches Sami the error in his ways, and they become good guys. By that time, Daniel Bryan can reclaim his title from Kofi Kingston, and you put a good Kevin Owens over a bad Daniel Bryan where Zayn can stop interference from Rowan. You could also reverse this order and have Zayn look like he's going to help Owens, just to join up with Daniel Bryan and Rowan which would then create the Owens/Zayn fire feud. Either way, this isn't rocket science, put Daniel Bryan and Sami Zayn with Kevin Owens in some way and good things are probably going to happen. Good enough for Owens to stick around? Only time will tell.

Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Alicia Fox
Andrade "Cien" Almas
Apollo Crews
Bayley
Big E
Big Show

Bobby Lashley
Bobby Roode

Braun Strowman
Carmella
Chad Gable

Monday, April 15, 2019

The WWE Is Ruining... The Ascension

I know what you're thinking, "The Ascension sucks. They always have sucked, and they always will suck." I get that sentiment. They have sucked for so long that it is nearly impossible to remember a time before they completely sucked ass. But this was once the most dominant tag team in NXT history. So what went wrong?

Well, the big thing is that they do not win matches. I know Curt Hawkins had a historical losing streak, but somehow I feel The Ascension's is still sadder. Konnor and Viktor were actually pretty sweet on NXT. No, I'm serious. Konnor was in way better shape, and Viktor helped The Ascension rise. They were the NXT tag team that dominated everyone else.

Oh, how times have changed. The Ascension managed to become worthless right away when they said they were better than Demolition and The Legion of Doom. Then this happened, and things never recovered.


Just for fun, let's see their last win which happened July 2nd on a Main Event taping against Rhyno and Heath Slater. So it's been nearly a year, but on the bright side, Konnor has weirdly been undefeated in three singles matches, beating the likes of Rhyno, Chad Gable, and Bobby Roode. That is really weird, but what is even weirder is the last time that The Ascension won as a tag team before July 2nd as it happened all the way back in February of 2018? No. 2017? Nope. It was February 8, 2016 on Superstars against Fandango and Damien Sandow. I do not even remember those two being a tag team, so The Ascension can take credit for ending what could have been a hell of a career for those two. In fact, The Ascension somehow owns Fandango as they also beat him when he tagged with R-Truth and in the most random of tag team partners possible, Jack Swagger.

But The Ascension used to be important, so could we see them rise again? The short answer is no. But the long answer is why the hell not? Are they the best wrestlers? No. Are they the most physically imposing? Not really. Are they great on the microphone? In small doses, they're okay. So maybe they aren't an ideal fit for a tag title run, but maybe there is another way to get some redemption.

Give them a legend killing tour. First they take out the APA. Then they take out Demolition, because they shouldn't have much problem considering Ax in his 70s at this point, and Smash is about to turn 60. Finally, you have them take out the best of them all, Legion of Doom. You may be thinking that it's not a fair fight since Hawk has passed away, but there were many iterations of Legion of Doom. Now I know I have some questionable ideas occasionally, but don't worry, I have not chosen to tag him up with Darren Drozdov, because The Ascension beating up a paralyzed person seems a little beyond what Fox meant when they said they wanted adult entertainment. Heidenreich would be the obvious choice, but does anybody really want to see him brought back? Nah. So let's go with the unconventional choice, a partner in LOD 2000, let's tag up Animal and Sunny to get taken out by Konnor and Viktor. Sunny is ready for her return, and I think the fans are as well.

Eventually their killing spree must end. And the easiest way to do it is to put them up against the returning Breezango to finally end their reign of terror. It's the perfect way to come full circle and honor a truly great story.

Come on WWE, give The Ascension some love.

Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Alicia Fox
Andrade "Cien" Almas
Apollo Crews
Bayley
Big E
Big Show

Bobby Lashley
Bobby Roode

Braun Strowman
Carmella
Chad Gable

Monday, April 8, 2019

The WWE Is Ruining... Braun Strowman

Braun Strowman is one of the most incredible stories of WWE incompetence in recent history. Despite being large, charismatic, and the most popular guy in the WWE, they decided he wasn't ready for a world title run and for some reason just had Brock Lesnar kick his ass consistently. It saddens me to be able to write this before WrestleMania, knowing that nothing important will happen for Strowman at the biggest show of the year, because his feud is with two nerds from Saturday Night Live.

Do you want to get really sad? Braun Strowman's only won a championship once in his WWE career, and it was the tag titles with Nicholas. He's also one of the few poor schlubs to win Money in the Bank but fail to cash in and actually win the championship. Shit man, even Carmella won the title with that thing.

WWE used to truly love big men. If you weren't 270 pounds, you were either a jobber or Macho Man. Macho Man was so awesome that not even WWE's love of size could deny him. But they took advantage of large men and pushed them straight to the top. Sure, once they got there, Hulk Hogan was waiting to defeat them, but Strowman was so popular that he could have been the Hogan in this situation. He never really said anything particularly memorable, but everything he said was deemed awesome because of how he said it. That is EXACTLY how Hogan got over back in the day, because the guy had a few catchphrases and just talked in circles to fill in the void.

So they had their modern day Hulk Hogan and just decided, "Eh, let's hold off on listening to the fans and pushing this guy, so we can let this momentum die down." And they were 100% successful.

So what they should do with Braun Strowman? Well, since I don't know who won the title at WrestleMania when I'm writing this, I'm going to make a plan where it doesn't matter. Have Braun Strowman come out on Raw tonight, challenge for the title, and beat the ever living shit out of the champion. Absolutely annihilate him to the point where you think it's the second coming of Lucha Underground's Matanza Cueto. No matter the opponent, the post-Wrestlemania crowd will lose their shit with excitement if you follow through on this plan.

Normally, you run into the issue of, "If he can beat the best guy easily, how will he ever be defeated?" But I think you can get by that fairly easily by explaining how much the WrestleMania match took out of the champion and give them a competitive match at the next pay per view. Obviously, Strowman still wins that, and then you let him go on a run that goes until at least Summerslam.

Obviously, his run ends against Roman Reigns, because it has to, but at least this time, people might be willing to cheer the guy.

Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Alicia Fox
Andrade "Cien" Almas
Apollo Crews
Bayley
Big E
Big Show

Bobby Lashley
Bobby Roode
Carmella
Chad Gable

Wednesday, April 3, 2019

Ross Pierschbacher - 2019 NFL Draft Scouting Report

I'm kind of surprised there isn't more talk about Ross Pierschbacher, the center out of Alabama. Well, I guess I can understand why there isn't much talk. He plays center, which is about as unsexy as it gets, but he was a four-year starter at Alabama, and I was always impressed with him in the time where I focused on the play of the Crimson Tide's offensive line. Now, is it a little weird that I am focusing on an Alabama offensive lineman, and it's not even the highly touted Jonah Williams? Yes, that is weird, but Pierschbacher is from my home state of Iowa and originally committed to the Hawkeyes so I have kept an eye on him and closely watched his game against LSU to get a better idea of him as a prospect.

On this first play, he is all alone against a nose tackle that has a significant weight advantage on him, but he manages to still get the job done.
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Even though he is getting pushed back some, he is able to control the defensive lineman where he is never a real threat to get to his quarterback. He does this by getting lower and being underneath the defensive player's pads where even if he is getting pushed back, he remains in control with his hands inside.

Here is an impressive push from Pierschbacher in pass protection.
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FreeGifMaker.me
On this play, he manages to push the nose tackle all the way around to the far end of his right tackle to give his quarterback plenty of room in the pocket, but the LSU defense left nobody open so the quarterback is forced to scramble late in the play.

And finally, here is Pierschbacher impressing on a run play.
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He shows good drive in pushing his man off the ball and continuing to turn him down the field to give his running back a clear choice, and at that point, the defender is already five yards off the line of scrimmage.

One thing that I would like to see Pierschbacher improve on is finishing his blocks. He would often do well at the beginning of the block but not fully commit to punishing his opponent until the end of the play. It tightened up some spaces for some of his running backs when he could have kept blowing through the defensive lineman.

With Pierschbacher, you're not getting a human highlight reel like Quenton Nelson. He's going to be fundamentally sound but not a physical freak who is going to blow people away. What he does provide is consistency and a solid presence in the middle of the line. Here is his athletic spider chart from the combine, and it certainly isn't going to blow anyone away.

Pedestrian might be too kind, but if you click over to his comparisons, the name Pat Elflein jumps off the page, and further down is Mike Pouncey. I think the former is a very good comparison as it was a guy who fell in the draft since he wasn't a great athlete but was able to come in immediately and be a good starter who could have a ten-year career.

Pierschbacher is likely a guy who will fall to the middle rounds, but considering he was good enough to be a four-year starter at Alabama and showed the versatility of moving all around the interior of the offensive line, you're going to end up with at least a solid starter with potential for more, but it is a fairly low ceiling.

Previous Scouting Reports:
Noah Fant - Iowa Hawkeyes - Tight End
Dwayne Haskins - Ohio State Buckeyes - Quarterback
TJ Hockenson - Iowa Hawkeyes Tight End
Amani Hooker - Iowa Hawkeyes - Safety
Josh Jacobs - Alabama Crimson Tide - Running Back

Tyree Jackson - Buffalo Bulls - Quarterback
Daniel Jones - Duke Blue Devils - Quarterback

Drew Lock - Missouri Tigers - Quarterback
Kyler Murray - Oklahoma Sooners - Quarterback
Anthony Nelson - Iowa Hawkeyes - Defensive End

Monday, April 1, 2019

The WWE Is Ruining... Natalya

Natalya is a WWE wrestler, but man is she just not my cup of tea. I barely pay attention to most of the filler that WWE puts out there on a weekly basis, but Natalya is bad enough for me to leave the room and grab a snack. I am a very lazy person, so this may be the greatest burn I can give to a performer.

I honestly don't know what Natalya does well outside of "blonde hair," because WWE loves blondes. She's been doing the sharpshooter for a decade at least, and it still only looks right about 50% of the time. And that still makes her look like Female Kenny Omega compared to when you watch her do a spinning lariat which is so slow I have actually been able to take a bathroom break as she starts the spin and get back before she actually makes contact with her opponent. And my bathroom break was brown, not yellow (it came out of my butt; it's not that I'm extremely unhealthy).

So how do you stop WWE from ruining Natalya? It may seem unlikely that such an avid Natalya hater could have a solution for how to save her career in the WWE, but that is why I am a wrestling genius. End Natalya's wrestling career and make her a manager. But not just any manager, a behind the scenes manager. It doesn't matter who you pair her up with, but the wrestler will reference how Natalya has been helping her career. Natalya won't be on screen for this, but we'll know. She also won't accompany them to the ring for matches, because she will have them so well prepared that she won't need to. You will never see her, never hear her, and never even go so far as to sense her presence. I think she could thrive in this career change for the next 50, NAY, 100 years. It's really a no brainer move as it prolongs her career, and she avoids her big weaknesses as she doesn't have to be audible or visible.

Yes, I have saved WWE from ruining Natalya. YOU'RE WELCOME.

Other Wrestlers WWE Is Ruining
Alicia Fox
Andrade "Cien" Almas
Apollo Crews
Bayley
Big E
Big Show

Bobby Lashley
Bobby Roode
Carmella
Chad Gable