Monday, April 30, 2012

Jose Canseco Has His Life Together

I usually like to create a theme, but honestly, the theme is craziness today. Jose's out of damn mind, but I think he's cool with it. Where should we start? Let's start here:

Okay, first off, people shouldn't hate Jose Canseco. Now that we have that out of the way, let's go into his examples. One of these examples is not like the other. Rapists, okay, they are definitely bad. Child molesters, they are probably even worse. Murderers, yep, they definitely can hang with the first two. Gas prices, yep...wait, what? If you give me me an option between being raped or paying $5 for a gallon of gas, I think I will just pay the extra for gas. I don't hate gas prices; they're just kind of there and it's a bummer, but not to the point where I would let my unborn child be diddled by a stranger in order for the prices to drop. Maybe that's just me. Let's see what else is on Jose's mind.

Holy shit, Jose could literally make my dreams come true. I have long dreamed of a mental decathlon against Jose, and this, along with multiplication tables, would definitely be the highlights. But let's see how serious he really is about this competition:



This is the beauty of Jose. This is not part of his challenge. This is actually him just hoping somebody will give him the correct spelling of diarrhea. Jose knows that complicated words will be involved in future spelling bees, and what is more complicated than diarrhea? I know it always leaves me with a lot of questions.

I have no witty commentary for this post, but I just feel very happy for Jose. Last time Leila dumped him, it put him in a tailspin where he told everyone that Leila is a dirty whore who loves drugs. This time, he responded in a much more mature way:

Okay, that's the least appetizing offer I can think of, but it's a whole lot better than a mental breakdown. Great job, Jose.

Well, that should just about wrap it up. Alright, I guess we have time for one more tweet. What else you got, Jose?
 In our academic decathlon, I may just concede brain teasers for fear that Jose might say something that makes my head explode.

In conclusion, slap a hater.
Posted by at No comments:
Labels: , , , , , ,

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Tupac's Hologram And The Simulation Of Human Emotion


By now, I'm sure nearly everyone has seen the Tupac hologram. It's pretty cool. Ah, who am I kidding? It's really fucking cool, but as great as the hologram Tupac is, what the hologram represents is actually far more interesting than the technology.

Hologram Tupac was created to get a reaction from the crowd at Coachella. It is a lot like acting. This isn't acting though, this is a simulation of what they think the person would be like to elicit an emotional response in the people who saw it.

They are simulating Tupac's emotions, and people find the simulation so real that they are moved themselves.
This is the future that every sci-fi movie predicts involving robots.

Machines are becoming more like humans, which has been a constant goal in technology, but this is a huge step forward. People now believe in this technology. They believe in it to the point where they can be emotionally invested in a Tupac Hologram. Their mind knows that it is not Tupac, but their emotions relay something very different. All Tupac truly is at this point is an animation, but the animation is so real, and people want to believe so badly that they are willing to believe in it. Even though they want this hologram to be an accurate portrayal, it is just a program made to elicit a response, and a damn good one at that.

If they can do this with Tupac, they can do it with anyone. Find a good enough programmer and people never really die. There can be no physical contact, but that seems like a temporary issue that will be resolved soon enough. It's insane to think how far they can take this.

Is it good or bad? Both, neither, hell, I don't know. But it sure is interesting.
Posted by at No comments:
Labels: , , , , ,

Monday, April 16, 2012

Jose Canseco Is Clearly Trolling All Of Us

Jose Canseco may show the greatest use of 140 characters in Twitter history. He has amused the masses for years, and he is showing no signs of slowing down. But sometimes, I have to stop and think, "Is Jose Canseco too good at Twitter?" Are these really his thoughts, or is he just trolling us to make the masses go insane at his tweets? After this weekend, I think we need to all at least open up to the possibility that he is trolling us. Let's look at his latest tweets:

Now this seems sincere. I have no doubt that Jose would very much like to be invited to any sort of celebration, especially a baseball celebration. But let's be real here, if I'm willing to pay for hotel and airfare, he would probably be pretty pumped about coming to my birthday party this year. And if you're reading this Jose, hit me up, we can make that happen.

There is no way Jose believes this. Every single day, he talks about how he is unfairly blackballed from the game he loves for trying to save it by exposing the world to the steroid problem. Every single day this happens. So why would he not be invited to the Red Sox 100th Anniversary? Oh, because he hasn't updated his address, so his invite just sits at his old California home.

He's got to be fucking with us, right? I sure hope so, but let's see what else is on his mind.

Okay, he's definitely trolling. And on top of that, this tweet makes me sad, because despite this being such an inane idea, I knew exactly what he was talking about. Global warming makes the world warmer, so it should have melted the iceberg that The Titanic hit, and therefore it would have had a safe maiden voyage. I have clearly been writing about Jose too much.

While most people would look at this tweet as further evidence of trolling, I do a complete 180 on my trolling accusations. Yes, he is talking about having not one, but two yachts, but that is not the important thing to focus on in this tweet. He thinks the Titanic hit an icicle. Not an iceberg, an icicle. Let me show you a couple pictures to demonstrate my point.

Here is an iceberg:
Yeah, that thing could totally take out a large boat. It's huge. I have no doubt an iceberg like this took out The Titanic. Now here is a second picture, this time of an icicle:
This is what Jose Canseco thought sank The Titanic. It's not that Jose is trolling us; it is just Jose being Jose.

Slap the haters. Hugs for you, Jose.
Posted by at No comments:
Labels: , , , , , ,
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)