Jose Canseco Is Clearly Trolling All Of Us

Jose Canseco may show the greatest use of 140 characters in Twitter history. He has amused the masses for years, and he is showing no signs of slowing down. But sometimes, I have to stop and think, "Is Jose Canseco too good at Twitter?" Are these really his thoughts, or is he just trolling us to make the masses go insane at his tweets? After this weekend, I think we need to all at least open up to the possibility that he is trolling us. Let's look at his latest tweets:

great to be back in the bay area. lots of good memories here. wish i couldve been at the red sox 100 aniversary
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) April 13, 2012

Now this seems sincere. I have no doubt that Jose would very much like to be invited to any sort of celebration, especially a baseball celebration. But let's be real here, if I'm willing to pay for hotel and airfare, he would probably be pretty pumped about coming to my birthday party this year. And if you're reading this Jose, hit me up, we can make that happen.

but maybe the invite went to my california home and i moved. havent updated address yet with postal office
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) April 13, 2012

There is no way Jose believes this. Every single day, he talks about how he is unfairly blackballed from the game he loves for trying to save it by exposing the world to the steroid problem. Every single day this happens. So why would he not be invited to the Red Sox 100th Anniversary? Oh, because he hasn't updated his address, so his invite just sits at his old California home.

He's got to be fucking with us, right? I sure hope so, but let's see what else is on his mind.

Titanic 100 years wOw. Global warming couldve saved titanic. Sad to say
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) April 15, 2012

Okay, he's definitely trolling. And on top of that, this tweet makes me sad, because despite this being such an inane idea, I knew exactly what he was talking about. Global warming makes the world warmer, so it should have melted the iceberg that The Titanic hit, and therefore it would have had a safe maiden voyage. I have clearly been writing about Jose too much.

Titanic reminds me of the days I had two yachts in Miami but no icicles
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) April 15, 2012

While most people would look at this tweet as further evidence of trolling, I do a complete 180 on my trolling accusations. Yes, he is talking about having not one, but two yachts, but that is not the important thing to focus on in this tweet. He thinks the Titanic hit an icicle. Not an iceberg, an icicle. Let me show you a couple pictures to demonstrate my point.

Here is an iceberg:

Yeah, that thing could totally take out a large boat. It's huge. I have no doubt an iceberg like this took out The Titanic. Now here is a second picture, this time of an icicle:

This is what Jose Canseco thought sank The Titanic. It's not that Jose is trolling us; it is just Jose being Jose.

Slap the haters. Hugs for you, Jose.

Jose Canseco And Global Warming

The title of this blog makes me happy. I honestly never thought I would be able to write about Jose Canseco's thoughts on global warming, but here I am, living a blogger's dream. Jose has finally shared his thoughts on global warming and other important stuff. Let's start off with one of many awkward tweets over the past couple days.

Girls love me and men hate me well unless your gay ofcourse
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) March 27, 2012

Of course. This is where Jose starts. Sophomoric lines about how all people attracted to men are in love with him. I have said something very similar to this, and I am not in the least bit ashamed.

Will discuss global warming tommorow. U clowns can't comprehend global warning I ask u study tonight and tommorow pop quiz
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) March 28, 2012

Of course. One day it is lines about how even gay guys dig him, the next day, it's time to talk about global warming. These are the transitions that make Jose Canseco such a fascinating person. Most people probably thought they were ready for Jose's pop quiz on global warming. Nobody in the world was ready for the bombs that Jose was about to drop on the world. First, a warmup.

clowns if you dont stop your mass consumption we will have no polar bears soon need to recycle or else no more bears
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) March 28, 2012

First off, I think Jose is misguided in his assertions. He keeps calling people clowns, but clowns are some of the most passionate environmentalists in the world. Just look at their idea of carpooling.

Clowns should truly be commended for their conservation efforts. He also mentions the extinction of polar bears, but compared to the news he is about to drop, the death a few bears is a very minor news story. Brace yourselves.

al gore was a head of his time .i miss him rest in peace buddy hug for u
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) March 28, 2012

Yep, Jose is just randomly claiming very alive former Vice Presidents to be dead. I will admit that my initial reaction to this was, "Al Gore isn't dead." But at the same time, I don't follow any actual news sources, so I wasn't sure if Jose was just the first person on my Twitter feed to break the news. Bad news, polluters, Al Gore is still alive. He is only dead in Jose Canseco's world. But Jose set things straight with the former presidential nominee with his following tweet.

sorry al you need to make some more noise .Keep fighting for us i believe in your and i am with you
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) March 28, 2012

Jose's sorry for proclaiming you dead, but seriously, Al, make some more noise. If you weren't so damn quiet, Jose never would have made this mistake. He's super serial about global warming. He is the only one who believes you about ManBearPig. Together, you may be able to tag team that issue. Let's focus on ManBearPig first, and then, if there's still time, we'll get to that pesky global warming issue.

Although that would be a nice place to wrap up, how about one more tweet from Jose that was sent right after a couple more global warming tweets:

how about a sitcom where I play a gym teacher and wear those old skool nuthugger shorts coaches used to wear with those high tube socks
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) March 29, 2012

Change of plans for the newly formed Canseco/Gore tag team:
1. Sitcom where Jose plays a gym teacher in "old skool" nuthugger shorts and high tube socks.
HUGE gap
2. ManBearPig
Even BIGGER gap
3. Global Warming

Yeah, that sounds about right.