Thursday, May 10, 2012

Hair Bikini Top

I am always on the cutting edge of trends in this world. I got in on West Coast Dance on the ground floor, and it quickly swept the nation as the most popular dance craze since The Macarena. I am hip to the European scene as well which is why when I tan, I Eurotan to make sure I am tan in every hidden crevice of my body, and trust me it isn’t easy to make sure that each one of my abs is tanned to perfection.

But instead of being on the cutting edge of trends, I now plan on setting them. Manscaping has become quite popular around the nation, but I feel it has gotten a little tired. Ladies are no longer impressed by hairless dudes, as it’s become completely normalized. Many of these women look fondly on the days when men were men, hair and all.

Now, it would be a crime for me to hide my abs under a mountain of hair, so that ladies were unable to admire my beauty. I understand this, and I live by this code. I believe in a woman’s right to stare at my beautiful body; I guess you could say I’m a feminist in this case. But I also realize that women need a man, not a boy, and I am far too classy to walk around with my junk out to show them how much of a man I am. That is why I have come up with the Hair Bikini Top.

It’s the best of both worlds. When a lady puts her eyes on me, she slowly rises up, noticing that my abs are completely hair-free, leaving nothing to the imagination (in this case modeled by Rick Rude with Bobby Heenan).
Then as her gaze rises, she comes across a chest (in this case modeled by Rick Rude with Paul Bearer).
Not the chest of a boy, the chest of a man, covered in hair, like men were made to be. Before she even has a chance to glance at my face, she is standing in a puddle of her own love juices. It is an honor for me to be able to provide this to women.

The best part is that by reading this blog, you fellas will also be on the cutting edge of a phenomena that will sweep the nation. You can laugh at losers who either fail to manscape or have shaved all of the hair off their bodies. Of course, you may not notice them with the plethora of women surrounding you as they vie for the right to get with the guy with a Hair Bikini Top.

And for the ladies that read this blog? I have only one thing to say to you…You’re welcome.

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