Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Moneyball 2 Is Going To Be Awesome

As I am sure a lot of you know, Moneyball got six Oscar nominations, including Best Picture, Best Actor (Brad Pitt), and Best Supporting Actor (Jonah Hill). Was it worthy of these nominations? That’s debatable, but certainly not in my mind as somehow the Academy overlooked the contributions of everyone involved in Fast Five.

Moneyball was a solid movie, but it is going to pale in comparison to Moneyball 2. Michael Lewis has not written that book, but the story started to unfold a couple days ago with one innocent tweet.

 Jose Canseco 
Billy is probably as good looking as brad pitt
Oh, yes, this is starting off better than I could have hoped. Way to butter him up, Jose. Now, let's follow it up with something casual.

 Jose Canseco 
I am going to play this year
Excellent. Let the world know of your intentions. Now it's time to go for the kill.

 Jose Canseco 
Billy beane call me would love to dh for you just give me a tryout that's all I ask
YES! Billy Beane and I both know that aging slugger/former steroid user/reality TV star is the newest market inefficiency in baseball. Some scouts overrate players who look good in jeans. Have you seen Jose Canseco move lately? He can probably barely put on jeans. Does that matter? Hell no! We're talking about the man who led the Yuma Scorpions in Home Runs last year...with 8. Get this man signed immediately.

 Jose Canseco 
Baseball hates bill James but the Boston red sox hired him .that's from the movie money ball .baseball hates me maybe they can hire me
This may be the most underrated tweet in the history of Twitter. Its simplicity is what makes it so beautiful. Jose Canseco is nearly 50 years old, but looking at this tweet, you would guess the age of the Tweeter to be somewhere between 5-7. It sounds like he is doing show-and-tell for his Kindergarten class, and he is explaining how this one guy overcame odds, so I will also overcome odds, and it will be great. It’s also sad, because everyone just wants to push this kid out of the way, because the kid coming up next brought in his pet turtle.

 Jose Canseco 
Fenway 350 lifetime batting average 1 hr per every 9 at bats .I am ready to play for Boston give me a tryout
Then Jose got to thinking. If Boston hired Bill James, maybe they will hire Jose Canseco. What is Moneyball about? Stats, so Jose Canseco shows off his inner-sabermatrician, and drops home runs per at bat in a specific ballpark. Is Jose hinting that the new market inefficiency might be nerds? Look how well Ivy League graduate Sam Fuld did last year…for the first two months of the season. Another benefit is that Jose showed off his Scott Boras side to create a BIDDING WAR. How high will they go?

 Jose Canseco 
I guess murderers and child molestors get more chances than I do
Don’t worry, Jose. Your time will come. You are a better man than James Early Ray and Jerry Sandusky combined…wait a minute, that combination would just create a racist, molesting murderer, so yes, you are totally better than that combination. Please, Oakland or Boston, make this happen. If the World Series Ring isn’t sweet enough, how does hundreds of millions of dollars in movie revenue sound? Plus, I’ve already got a great tagline.

“He’s not a murderer, he’s not a rapist, he’s Jose Canseco, and he’s finally getting a second chance…Moneyball 2.”

My only question is: Great idea or greatest idea ever?

I’m going with the latter.

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